Fuse

After cleaning myself up, I finally get to the part where I can open my gacha tokens.

Class Upgrade Divine Perk rolled.

[Bounty of Gods - Any cooking ingredient you use will be perfect and taste better than even the purest of ingredients. You can also gain buffs out of the food you cook.]

Divine Skill rolled.

[Unrelenting Chase - Once focusing on a target, that target physically cannot escape you. You will always know their location, and your mobility will outpace theirs.]

Wow, I got scammed out of my first roll. Bounty of Gods is absolutely not useful to me at all. Well, maybe I can make something great out of a chicken.

Also, why the hell does 'class upgrade' rolls also include professions? That sucks ass.

Unrelenting Chase though, that's nice. Not quite sure why that's a divine tiered thing, sounds like it isn't flashy enough. But it's still really good, and basically guarantees nothing can run from me.

And once I get some wings from Terraria, not a single person can escape from me. That's pretty cool.

Overall, this was a pretty decent haul for what I did. Though, it really could've been better. Maybe I just have bad luck when it comes to divine gacha tokens.

Well, anyhow, I should probably continue on with my day…

Exiting the bathroom and moving to the living room, Dori was sitting around talking to Nahida as if we had done nothing in the past 30 minutes. And quite honestly, that was kind of nice.

Also, how the hell Dori managed to clean up faster than I did was an absolute mystery. But oh well.

Nahida noticed my entrance, and waved at me, "Ah! Fuse! I hear that you've had a rough night."

I nodded, sitting down on the couch next to Dori, "Yeah, real rough."

That Skeletron Prime fight was pretty tough, even though in hindsight it really didn't last long.

Dori chuckled, "Yeah, you should've seen him when he came in. He was basically begging me to let him stay the night."

"So you say, but I remember your face being pretty worried when I woke up," I retorted back.

Nothing serious, naturally. Just some banter between friends.

Dori rolled her eyes, "I was just worried that my investment would go to waste."

I smiled, "Yeah, of course you were."

Nahida cleared her throat, ending the small jabs, "Ahem, if we could move on…"

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that Nahida," I apologized, "Go ahead."

Nahida nodded, then she asked, "Fuse, are you a god now? I feel that little aspect of you more brightly than before."

I nodded, confirming her question, "Yeah, I'm the god of wealth and freedom now. Though this is more of a temporary thing. My godhood will evaporate when I don't get any more followers who worship my name. So Dori will just not pray to me, and I'll become a mortal again."

Nahida looked a bit confused, "You can willingly let go of your divinity?"

"Yeah, I think I just work on different rules than you do, so I can do that." I said.

Nahida touched her chin, "Then I suppose that should be fine… In any case, why did you become a god if you intended to give it up so soon?"

"I got 2 gambling tokens for it," I said, "Plus a whole bunch of other stuff."

Dori snorted, "He's trying to avoid the true reason. Fuse had a thing where he could get 2 gacha tokens for having sex with me. But I'm obviously not going empty handed, so I made a deal with him for him to become a god and bless me everyday until his divinity runs out. And in return, he gets his gambling addiction sorted through carnality."

I leveled a look towards Dori, "Yeah. That. Thanks, honey."

Dori sent an amused look my way, "Honey? Don't kid yourself. We were both in it for the rewards, not the actual sex itself."

I shrugged, "Yeah, you're right."

It was a pretty bad joke anyway.

Nahida hummed, "That's… Interesting. So, I suppose I'll see you as a mortal again soon?"

I gave her a thumbs up, "That's the hope! But it might take a month or two."

Nahida looked understanding as she said, "I see. Well, in that case I really don't need to worry about you, do I? Though if you want my recommendation, both Rex Lapis and Barbatos, of Liyue and Mondatadt respectively share the same titles of wealth and freedom. Perhaps you'd be interested in doing some research on the two."

Hm, didn't Rex Lapis die a while ago? And Dori did mention Barbatos in passing before… Mostly to tell him that Barbatos is the absent father of Mondstadt.

Well, I respect a god who leaves his people to govern over themselves. And I can halfway respect a god that only appears once a year to tell them stock market predictions.

"Well, I might do that, but I'm kind of on the clock with the whole other world situation," I said, leaning back, "That other guy, Garbanag, is probably getting stronger every day. I can't really risk falling behind because otherwise, I'm done for."

Nahida frowned, "I see. Well, I wish you success against Garbanag. Do you have any estimates whenever you can finish your fight?"

I shrugged and thought about it for a second, "Well, I think I have a good shot at killing him the next time I see him."

"Do you really?" Dori asked, her mouth filled with food, "You got your ass kicked by a robot, didn't you?"

Well, I still have a dozen or so bullets for Monroe, and my accuracy is in the 90s in terms of hitting thanks to my eye. I'll also have Murphy's Law ready for the next time I see him. With Unrelenting Chase, he can't even run from me, and if I use Doviro & Zavvox's blessing correctly, I might be able to bait him into not being able to break through the barrier of Revolutionary Battlefield.

The last time he won was a fluke. This time, I'll be more prepared.

"Well, no plan survives contact with the enemy," I said, pulling out Monroe from my inventory just to show off, "I have a few shots with this. If I do it right, he dies. If I do it wrong, I still have like a dozen other tricks up my sleeves to fix my mistakes. I'm pretty certain he dies sooner rather than later."

Dori looked mildly interested in Monroe, "Right, right. Well, good luck with that."

Dori then turns to Nahida, "Hey, did you read all of the business legislation I sent you?"

Ah, so Dori's changing the subject, how nice of her to just ignore my declaration of victory. Well, I'm also somewhat interested in how Nahida's treating business.

Nahida's eyes flickered over to me before answering, "Hm, it's quite well written. Though, I do feel as though you seem to want to have a large amount of influence over the new council…"

I raised an eyebrow. That sort of sounds suspiciously close to lobbying.

Dori confirms my suspicions by speaking the truth, "Well, I do. It's in my best interests to make sure laws that outlaw my business don't get passed. And besides, I'm sure your council members will enjoy having heavier pockets."

Yeah, I'm totally fine with some amount of lobbying, but I should probably stop this before it becomes a major issue in like a hundred years.

"Nah, we tried the same thing back in America," I threw my hat in the ring, "Sending money to politicians is fine, but you need to have some regulation so that they aren't totally controlled by large companies instead of the people."

Nahida looked somewhat relieved that my opinion was closer to hers than Dori's, "Ah, wonderful idea, Fuse! I'll be sure to send your words to the legislators."

Dori frowned, "Boo. Don't completely phase me out of there, though. All citizens should have a say, right?"

"Absolutely right!" I said, deciding to throw myself into the ring, "But money isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes, people can only be convinced by the way of the dollar…"

Dumpster

Garbanag

"What do you mean I can't buy souls of fear from you?" Garbanag said, absolutely baffled at the words of Skeletron Prime, who had, like every other boss, became an anime waifu and started to act as a villager in his town.

Skeletron Prime shrugged, "I can't sell them to you. You never beat me."

Garbanag's eye twitched, "Can I fight you, then?"

Skeletron Prime shook her head, "No, I can't transform anymore."

Garbanag's face fell. Then, looking around his village, his eyes spot Desert Scourge and he calls out, "Hey! Desert Scourge! Can I buy something from you?!"

Desert Scourge stops her conversation with the mechanic to shout out, "No! You didn't beat me!"

He's in hell. Real, actual hell.

Did he just get softlocked from being able to mine chlorophyte?!

He already beat the Twins and the Destroyer, but Fuse got to Skeletron Prime first, and apparently that means he can't get the pickaxe anymore because whatever Fuse did prevented the bosses from being able to transform into their boss forms anymore.

Garbanag clicked his tongue. This was fine, he was playing a ranger build so he didn't really even need chlorophyte anyways. He could always just try to fight Duke Fisheron to get the Tsunami and that'll easily beat Plantera.

Actually, if he beats Plantera, then beat Golem, he doesn't even need the souls of fear. Then he could just face Duke Fishron at a normal progression spot…

Yes, that's probably the best course of action. Gather up enough life fruit to max out his vitality, then it'll all fall into place from there.

And also, after plantera, ectoplasm will start to spawn. Once he finds another way of getting souls of fear, he'll have the materials necessary to ascend into becoming a god!

Garbanag turned back to Skeletron Prime, "Alright, that's fine. Though, if you ever see Fuse again, be sure to tell me, okay?"

Skeletron Prime nodded, "Okay."

With that taken care of, Garbanag began to fly over to the jungle, ready for a few days of hunting.

Dumpster

Fuse

"What do you mean Garbanag isn't here?" I blankly asked Skeletron Prime, who was apparently japanified into becoming a big titty anime girl.

I was hyping myself up for the rematch of the century, and apparently the dude isn't even here. Shame.

Skeletron Prime restated her previous words, "Garbanag went to the jungle for a few days."

I frowned, "Well, damn."

Now what? I was just planning to rush in here and win.

Well, actually, I guess there is something I could do…

"Hey, do you know where Garbanag keeps all of his old stuff?" I asked Skeletron Prime.

Skeletron Prime nodded and pointed to a house made of redwood, "Yes, it is in that house right there. The Guide also lives there."

"Sweet, I'm robbing him for wings," I said, walking over to the red house.

I was going to get my own wings, but if the guy isn't even here to defend his own crap, then it's legally mine. And a literal bird like Garbanag has to have spare wings, right?

Skeletron Prime was also following me for some reason.

Looking back at her, I tilted my head and questioned, "Hey, why are you following me?"

"You beat me. You have my soul. You own me now," She blankly replied.

What the fuck.

"Yeah, no I don't," I said without a beat of hesitation, immediately pulling out the soul of Skeletron Prime out of my inventory, handing it over to her, "All men- Including weird robot girls like you- are born free."

Actually, I still have the soul of the Desert Scourge, don't I? If she has the same mentality- Though I doubt it mostly because of the way she was shouting at me the first time I saw her- I should probably return her soul as well.

Alright, I can do the whole robbing thing later, since it doesn't sound like Garbanag is coming home anytime soon. I need to make sure that the Desert Scourge isn't acting clownish outside of my sight.

"Hey, Skeletron Prime, where's the Desert Scourge?" I asked, looking around but not finding her.

Skeletron Prime hummed, then she pointed to the second floor of a wooden building, "There."

"Thanks, man," I thanked as I walked up the stairs to where Skeletron Prime pointed.

Knocking on the door, the Desert Scourge shouted from inside, "Oh! I'm coming!"

After a few moments, Desert Scourge opens the door, and her face falls, "Oh, it's you."

I nodded, "Yep, it's me." Then I moved on to what I'm standing here for, "By the way, Skeletron Prime just made the outrageous claim that I owned her because I had her soul. Do you have that same idea?"

The Desert Scourge's face looked disgusted as she replied, "Gross! No! I only belong to the Terrarian, no matter who has my soul!"

Ah, that's good. It looks like Skeletron Prime is just an outlier or something.

I gave her a thumbs up, "That's good! Though maybe look into having aspirations that aren't just belonging to someone else. All men are born free, after all. Anyways, see you!"

As I turned to leave, the Desert Scourge shouted with shock, "Wait! I thought you were here to give me back my soul?!"

I waved her off, not even looking in her direction, "Nah! You seem perfectly capable without it!"

"YOU RAT!"

Desert Scourge wasn't actually chasing me though, so I guess she isn't really that attached to me.

That being said, Skeletron Prime was still dutifully waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs.

I tilted my head, "You know I don't have your soul anymore, right? You can do whatever now."

Skeletron Prime shrugged, "I don't know where else to go. I don't like Garbanag. He speaks funny."

…That…

Is so fucking true.

"You know what, Skeletron Prime?" I hung my arms around her shoulders, Skeletron Prime not seeming too bothered by it, "I think we're going to get along swimmingly. Do you have a name other than Skeletron Prime?"

Skeletron Prime frowned, "I do not."

"Then I'll call you something new," I proposed, "How about… Eh, Angeles?"

From Los Angeles, obviously. I'm more of a San Francisco dick rider, but I can respect our Southern Californian brothers. And hey, Angeles sounds like a girl's name, which this Skeletron Prime clearly was.

Skeletron Prime nodded, "I like Angeles."

I encouragingly pat her on the back, "Great! Now, Angeles, do you wanna rob Garbanag with me?"

"Yes."

"Great! Let's go."

"Yes, master."

"Don't fucking call me that."

"Yes, Fuse."

"That's better."

AN:

Skeletron Prime joining the party was a spur of the moment decision and I think it's hilarious.

Next chapter is on March 2nd.

[I haven't gotten a comment or review in forever, my well placed bait is going to waste! What is life without someone complaining about politics on FFN :( Oh well, I'll be fine though.]

[I didn't realize this until someone pointed it out to me, but I'm kinda a masochist when it comes to hate comments lol.]