Sonic ran forward and spin dashed a Moto-Bug. "Ah, my daily workout," he mused.
The rest of his friends were casually destroying another wave of Eggman's robots, with the doctor himself watching from above.
Eggman growled as he saw he was losing the battle yet again. "Curse you, Sonic! Curse you, I say!"
"'Curse you?' That's all you have to say?" Joe asked, flying up to Eggman's pod. "You know, now that I think about it, you're a grown man. How come I never hear you swearing?"
Eggman looked almost appalled by the question. "Because I'd rather not swear around them," he answered, gesturing to the team.
If Joe still had his disguise up, he would've raised an eyebrow, "Them? So what? They're your enemies."
"Yes, they're my enemies," Eggman acknowledged with a nod, "They also happen to be a bunch of …children."
"Uh, why'd you pause there?" Joe wondered, drawing his laser blade.
Eggman sat in silence for another few seconds before a look of realization crossed his face, "Um, I have something I need to do. See you later!"
Everyone on the team looked on in confusion. "Uh, anyone know what that was about?" Sonic wondered, scratching his head.
Knuckles smashed one last Crab Bot, "Beats me. Anyway, you guys wanna get something to eat?"
The next day saw the team hanging out on the beach. Knuckles was doing curls with some dumbbells, Joe was letting Tails examine his lightsaber, while the other three were lounging in some lawn chairs.
Unfortunately, like most good times, this one was ruined by Eggman. "Good day, everyone," the doctor greeted politely. He backed up a step when he saw all the heroes looked ready to spring into action. He raised his hands placatingly. "Waitwaitwait! Look around. I'm not in my Eggmobile and there's not a single robot with me."
"Just 'cause we don't see 'em doesn't mean they're not there," Sticks pointed out, keeping a firm grip on her boomerang.
Eggman put his hands on his hips, chuckling, "Oh, trust me, it's not robots you have to worry about this time."
Before anyone could ask what he meant, a dog man in a suit walked up and joined him. "Doctor Eggman has brought to my that the lot of you are legally minors," he informed them. "That means that you should be in school as we speak."
Stumped, the gang all exchanged looks. "Uh, no offense, dude, but what do you care?" Sonic asked.
The dog man's frown deepened, "I care because I'm the truant officer."
"'Truant officer?'" Joe repeated, "Are those even a thing anymore?"
"Quiet you," the officer warned him. He glared at the rest of the gang, "And as for the rest of you, you'd better start attending classes by tomorrow or you'll all be legally prosecuted." He began walking away, only to pause and look back at Joe, "You there? How old are you?"
"19," the young man answered.
The officer nodded, "I see. Were you attending college before you came here?"
Joe furrowed his brow, not liking where this was heading. Nevertheless, he gave an honest answer, "Yes."
"Then everything I just said applies to you too." With that, the officer, as well as Eggman, left, leaving no room for argument.
"I can't believe it," Tails muttered.
While everyone else sat in disbelief, Sticks began panicking, "This can't be happenin'! I can't go to school! It's boring at best and propaganda at worst!"
Amy gently grabbed Sticks by the shoulders, "Deep breaths, Sticks. Deep breaths." As the badger took her advice, Amy addressed the rest of her friends, "Look, it's just school, not prison. We'll attend and then get on with our day. It's simple."
Everyone looked skeptical. "Spoken like someone who's never been to school," Joe droned, shaking his head.
Soon enough, tomorrow came, and the team assembled outside of the campus, all of them looking uncertain.
"So, maybe it's 'cause I'm the new guy, but was this always here?" Joe asked.
"Nope," Sonic informed him. He then guessed, "Eggman?"
"Eggman," everyone else nodded in agreement.
The truant officer exited the building and addressed them all, "Good you're all here." He jabbed a thumb behind him, "Get going, kids."
The team promptly walked into the building.
In the classroom, Team Sonic sat at their desks, waiting for the teacher to arrive. They were all sitting in a row. From left to right: Tails, Amy, Sonic, Joe, Knuckles, Sticks.
"Shouldn't they have separated us by age?" Tails pointed out.
Joe sighed and rested his cheek in his palm, "Yeah, but with the way things tend to go around here, I'm not really surprised."
At that moment, the teacher entered the room. She was a griffon vulture, complete with a hunch neck. Her attire consisted of a professional-looking suit, glasses, and she had her hair (head feathers?) tied up in a bun.
Knuckles leaned over to Joe and whispered, "I'm getting a really bad vibe about this lady."
The vulture lady quickly pulled a yardstick out of nowhere and smacked Knuckles's hand with it, making him recoil in pain. "There will be no whispering in my classroom."
Joe grinned in amusement, "A yardstick? Really? What decade do you think this is?" The teacher hit his hand in response, but Joe didn't react at all, "Yeah, nice try. I can't feel stuff."
"You, sir, just bought yourself detention!" the vulture lady countered. As Joe slumped over from the news, she pulled out some papers. "First, we'll be starting with math."
Knuckles was aghast at the news, "Math!? I can't do math! I literally only know one equation!"
The vulture lady sighed, "Not to worry, young man. We heard you were learning disabled, so you'll be given kindergarten material."
"Whew, that's a relief," Knuckles wiped his brow.
"You have half an hour to complete this assignment," the vulture lady informed them. She then sat at her desk and pulled out a magazine.
And so, the crew got to work on their assignment. Tails, Amy, and Joe were all calm, indicating they were doing well. Sonic finished it in seconds 'cause, you know, super speed. Sticks, meanwhile, held her pencil by the eraser and made sure not one inch of her arms touched her paper.
"Alright, students. Time's up. Hand in your papers," the vulture lady said. She walked by each of them, collecting their papers. She paused, though, when she took a quick look at Knuckles's paper. "There's nothing written on this."
"Yeah, now might be a good time to tell you I can't read or write," Knuckles informed her, leaning back and resting his feet on his desk.
The vulture lady frowned, "Very well. I'm sure we can accommodate that once the other students arrive."
That made the team's eyes widen. "Wait, 'other students?' I thought it was just gonna be us in class for this whole bit," Sonic said, voicing his friends' thoughts.
"That's what you think," the vulture lady chuckled.
Suddenly, a bell on the wall rang and a ton of little kids of various species poured into the room. Naturally, they were all full of energy and were crawling all over the team.
Knuckles panicked a little as he, like the others, pried kid after kid off him, "I had enough of little kids last season!"
"I knew this was some kind of trap!" Sticks yelled as she pulled out her boomerang.
"Alright, children, and one legal adult, settle down," the vulture lady soothed. Being a bunch of little kids, they were too hyper to notice. Realizing this, she pulled out a revolver and fired a few rounds upwards.
That got everyone's attention. Team Sonic was especially put off. "Why are you allowed to bring a gun to a school?" Amy asked.
"Because it's filled with blanks. That's why," the vulture lady responded. To prove it, she aimed the gun at her free hand and fired again, showing that there were no bullets. "And now for our next lesson."
Later in the afternoon, Team Sonic exited the campus, all with bored and/or tired looks on their faces.
"That was one thing from my world that I didn't miss," Joe droned.
"The kids kept pulling on my fur," Tails complained as he inspected himself, "If I have any bald spots, I'm gonna be mad!"
Rather than comment on his own experience, Knuckles had a question for Sticks, "Hey, how come you never directly touched any of your work?"
"I didn't want 'em gettin' my DNA or fingerprints," the badger girl answered. She walked with a slouch, showing how tired out she was.
"Well, at least now we can…Uh." Sonic trailed off as he noticed all the angry villagers staring them down. "Uh, we miss something?"
"Oh, you missed something, alright!" a random monkey guy yelled, glaring at them. "While you guys were getting schooled, Eggman and his robots had a field day!"
"What?" Tails asked, shocked like the rest of the crew. "What'd he do?"
The villagers immediately listed off the damage Eggman had done in the heroes' absence. One guy pointed to a shot-up building, "He wrecked my house!" Another guy pointed to a shot-up kiosk, "He wrecked my business!" A third guy held up a broken CD, "He wrecked My Sharona!"
The gang looked amongst the crowd, not knowing what to say until Amy said something for them, "I'm sorry, everyone, but we were at school. There was no helping it."
None of the villagers were impressed by that answer. "School?" Lady Walrus asked from the front of the group. "That's your excuse? I would think you'd have other priorities." Suddenly, her watch started beeping. "Oh, it's time to pick up my child from school." As she left for the campus, a bunch of other members of the crowd realized they had kids of their own to attend to and left to pick them up from school.
A cat man in the front of the crowd chuckled and put his hands on his hips, shaking his head, "Hehe, the things some people forget. Anyway, we're-" He paused when he and the crowd saw that Team Sonic had slipped away. "Hey, where'd they go?"
Having retreated to Sonic's house, the team assessed their situation.
"So, we get in trouble if we don't go to school, and we get flak when we do go to school," Tails summed up.
Joe wrapped his fingers behind his head as he leaned against the wall. "In short, we're trapped in a fucking rip-off."
"Language," everyone scolded.
"Sorry," Joe stood up straight. "But seriously, what do we do?"
Knuckles raised a hand, "I have an idea!"
The school stood tall as Knuckles approached. The red echidna bumped his fists together before punching the ground. The cracks spread through the ground until they reached the school, causing it to collapse.
"Knuckles, no offense, but that's a terrible idea," Sonic said bluntly.
"What?" Knuckles put his hands on his hips, an offended look on his face. "That's a great plan. What's wrong with it?"
"Well, for one, we'd probably get arrested," Tails explained.
"Or maybe just sued," Sonic added with a shrug.
"Well, I don't hear you coming up with any ideas," the red echidna shot back.
Amy held up her hands placatingly, "Now, now, there must be something we can do. Maybe there's someone we can talk to about getting excused whenever Eggman attacks."
Sticks tilted her head, "Who would we talk to for that?"
"Easy, we'll talk to the principal," the pink hedgehog smiled.
"Why, hello there, children. What can we help you with?" Orbot asked from behind his desk
The heroes stood wide-eyed at the reveal. "You? You're the principal?" Sonic asked, still trying to process the situation.
"Sure are!" Cubot nodded.
"Technically co-principals," Orbot corrected. "Anyway, how about I save us all a bit of time and deny whatever request you were going to make?"
"But you didn't even hear what we had to say," Amy protested.
"Sorry, it's the superintendent's rule," Cubot shrugged. He reached into a drawer in the desk and pulled out a photo of Eggman in a suit that read "Only fools break the rules."
The good guys could only groan at the reveal.
"Well, time for Plan B," Sticks declared. She then ran and jumped out the window, "To heck with the systeeeeem!"
After a few moments spent staring at the shattered window, Orbot got back on topic, "Alright, class is starting. You should all get going."
Exiting the office, the crew walked through the hall where Sonic pitched an idea, "I know this looks bad, but I think I just came up with something."
Sticks tossed her boomerang, which bounced off two Bee bots before coming back to her.
"You may be doing okay on your own, but I'll wear you down soon enough," Eggman stated arrogantly.
"Who said she was on her own?" A familiar voice asked.
Eggman turned around to see Sonic standing on the back of his Eggmobile. "What!? Why are you here!?" the doctor asked in a panic. "Don't you know you'll get in trouble for cutting class?!"
Sonic flipped off the Eggmobile and landed next to Sticks, "It's not cutting if they don't know you're gone."
"Mr. Sonic," the vulture lady, "Care to explain why you're vibrating?"
"I drank a lot of soda last night," Sonic answered casually.
The vulture lady nodded, "I see. Carry on."
Ignoring the hyperactive little kids crawling all over him, and without looking up from his assignment, Joe whispered, "Spill it. How are you doing that?"
The blue hedgehog grinned and whispered back, "Easy, I'm just running here and back so much that I'm basically in two places at once."
Joe paused for a second to process that info, "But if you're that fast, how has anything bad ever happened to you ever?"
"That's a really good question, Joe, and the answer is: don't think about it."
"And I'm not the only one with a 'get-out-of-school' trick." Sonic bragged after spin dashing a Moto-bug.
The next day
"So it's you this time, is it?" Eggman observed.
"Yep," Tails answered. He pressed a button on a small generator on his person, generating a thin, yellow energy shield around his body. The young fox leapt in front of a stork man, shielding him from a Bee bot's blast.
The doctor growled, "And how are you getting away with ditching class?"
"I used that machine that splits me into more than one me," Tails smiled. Seeing the look on Eggman and Sticks's faces, he went on, "I know what you're thinking, but relax. There's only two me in total this time."
"So you're not a total idiot?" Eggman asked.
"Nope." Tails's smile turned into a confident smirk. Thanks to the shield coating his body, he was able to block a slash from a Mantis bot with nothing but his forearm. He then jumped up and kicked the bot in the face.
Sticks's eyes narrowed, "Didn't that shield thing of yours cause trouble last time?"
Tails shook his head, "Nope. After last time, I adjusted it so the generator can be touched from the outside." Just then, a Crab bot walked up and pressed the generator's button, turning the shield off. "Hey!"
The next day
"I bet you're wondering how I'm ditching class without getting caught," Joe asked. He then spun in place, slashing several Badniks with his laser blade.
Eggman rested his cheek in his palm, looking bored, "Actually, I'm starting to take it in stride at this point."
"Well, too bad! I'm telling you anyway! Tails took out my hologram projector and brought it to class."
The vulture lady narrowed her eyes when she saw that "Joe" wasn't moving a muscle, as well as- "Mr. Joe, care to explain why children are phasing right through you?"
With Joe still not moving or even speaking, Sonic answered for him, "He's having a metaphysical seizure, ma'am. It's no big deal."
Nodding, Sticks asked Joe. "Speaking of holograms, why do you ever turn off your disguise? Can't you fight with it on?"
Joe shrugged before slashing a Crab bot, "It always looks cooler when the hero sheds his disguise for a fight. It's tradition, you know?"
The next day
As the team walked to class, Sonic looked at Knuckles and commented, "Didn't think we'd be seeing you again."
"Worry not, my friends. The teacher will never suspect that I'm from another dimension," the other Knuckles assured in a hammy tone of voice.
As Knuckles and Sticks huddled, Eggman stood up in his Eggmobile, "Are you done making your little plans? I'm getting tired of politely waiting for you to finish!"
The two heroes separated. "Okay, we're good to go now!" Knuckles waved. He leaned forward and taunted, "So just try and kill us."
"Just like you tried the last billion times," Sticks added with a grin.
Growling, the doctor directed his robotic minions to attack.
Knuckles and Sticks fought while making a show of how easy they had it.
"Eh, these things aren't very good aims," Sticks droned as she dodged some shots from Bee bots.
Knuckles yawned as he held back a Moto-bug with one hand, "And this thing isn't that threatening. Literally, all it does is just roll towards people."
"Oh, come on," Eggman complained, "You don't need to add insult to injury!"
"But it's so easy!" the heroes said in unison.
Eggman growled, "Make one more crack and I'll-"
"You'll what? You'll suck even harder?" Knuckles called out as he smashed a Crab bot.
"That's it, I'm calling in the big guns!" Eggman declared. Pressing some buttons on his wrist controller, he summoned a Mega onto the scene. "Kill them! Full power! Right now!" he commanded.
The giant robot's eye began glowing as it charged up a beam attack.
Knuckles and Sticks began running about to get into position, with Knuckles activating his communicator.
The members of Team Sonic all perked up as they heard a beeping sound. They all checked to see that their Knuckles was calling all of them at once
The other Knuckles's eyes widened, "The signal! Quickly, everyone, we need to get everyone out of the building!" With his strength, the red echidna grabbed kids by the armful and ran out the door.
Joe was the first one to follow suit, grabbing some kids as well as the vulture lady.
"You're actually helping out?" Sonic asked, "You don't even know what Knuckles's plan is."
"And I doubt I want to find out!" Joe called back as he left the room.
Blinking, the rest of the team realized he had a point and started evacuating kids as well.
"Say goodbye, you fools!" Eggman yelled, "And also, thank you for conveniently standing in one spot. It makes blasting you so much easier."
Seeing the Mega about to fire, Knuckles and Sticks nodded at each other and quickly burrowed into the ground to avoid the blast. As a result, the beam continued and hit the school, destroying it completely.
The rest of their friends ducked and covered as the school exploded just ten meters behind them.
"Wha-No!" Eggman clutched his head in dismay.
"Okay, who's idea was that?" Sonic asked as everyone got up.
"Calling in the other me was my idea," Knuckles began.
"And getting' the school destroyed was my idea," Sticks added.
"And the part about getting us out of the building before it blew up was my idea," the other Knuckles finished.
Amy nodded, "Okay, and why couldn't we have been let in on it?"
"It's more dramatic when you tell as few people as possible about a plan," Knuckles shrugged.
Tails addressed Eggman, "The school's gone now, so we're off the hook."
"Yeah, I'd take a hike if I were you," Sonic added, hands on his hips.
Before Eggman could respond, the sound of increasingly loud yelling got his attention. Orbot and Cubot landed on top of him. It stunned him, but he had enough sense to take his leave.
Amy called for the group's attention, "I know we treated that whole thing like an annoyance, but getting an education is actually really important. And-"
Sonic held up a hand, "Amy, no offense, but this isn't an after-school special."
"But it's literally right after school," the other Knuckles pointed out.
The blue hedgehog facepalmed at that line.