Blurb:

"Take my hand and don't let go!" Darkness swallowed us and then we landed back at the Order safe house. I panted as I straightened up, absently moving to let go of Lupin's hand, but his hand tightened on mine and he turned me around quickly. I looked up to see amber eyes that locked onto mine in shock. "Lupin?"

Take my hand (Remus x OC)

In the Wizarding world, when a person reached the legal age of seventeen, the first words that their soulmate would say to them appeared like a tattoo on their skin. Sometimes, it was special, much like James Potter's famous romance that had broken out the year after I left Hogwarts. Sometimes, it was dramatic like Sirius Black's infamous romance during my NEWT year. And other times… Other times, it was pretty mundane and nothing short of useless.

My case fell into the third category.

I had, truthfully, been a bit excited as I had fantasized since I was a child about what words would appear and where. I knew statistically that it was likely not to be very special. The most common words people woke up to were "Hi" or "Happy birthday", which wasn't surprising considering the words appeared on a person's seventeenth birthday. But even so, I hadn't been able to stop myself from looking forward to my birthday as I wondered. Only to be disappointed when I read the five letters that finally appeared on my skin, just under my collarbone and almost directly above my heart.

Sorry.

That had been three years ago. And since then, I'd given up on finding my soulmate because… well, it could be anyone. As a former Hufflepuff, it hadn't been unusual while I'd still attended Hogwarts for someone or other to bump into me at least once every few days and absently say "Sorry" before hurrying on with their day. And it hadn't changed exactly as an adult. Although, I supposed, people on the street spoke less nowadays as they simply hurried on in fear. War would do that to folks.

And I too soon forgot about soulmates and other romantic notions of bliss as the war sucked me and everyone I knew deeper and deeper into its shadowy clutches. And as months dragged into years, the simple word on my collarbone soon became nothing more than an errant thought I had on some days while all my conscious efforts remained focused on the battle we were slowly losing.

"Pull back!"

I had just stunned another Death Eater and barely avoided death when an all-too familiar green light streaked by inches from my arm, when the cry started.

"Pull back! Run!"

The same voice bellowed from nearby and it finally registered in my adrenaline-driven brain. Frank Longbottom. We must be much more overwhelmed than I'd thought for the Gryffindor to be calling a retreat. Although, I realized as I finally took a moment to look around at the flaming buildings around us and peered through the smoke, we were. Endless black cloaked figures swarmed toward us through the haze and I realized quickly that if we didn't move now, we were all going to die. This hadn't just been an ambush: it was a trap.

Waving my hand to show Frank I'd heard the signal, I turned around to see who was left. In the distance, lights flashed as people continued to duel and I realized that there were still a few people struggling to fight off the Death Eaters. Clearly they hadn't heard the call for retreat as they made no move to escape. Or maybe they were just heroically stupid; I didn't rule it out when I recognized who they were.

"Potter!" I bellowed at the messy black hair and spectacles I could just make out in the smoke. I raced toward the small group who were going to get themselves killed at this rate. "Pull back! Pull back!"

Finally, Potter waved his hand to show me that he'd heard me. He then grabbed who, now that I was closer, I could see was Celeste Irving (er, Potter) as he shouted at his other friends to run. Irving (no, Potter now) snagged Sirius Black's robes as she and Potter disappeared, taking him safely away with her. I lunged at the one remaining person left, raising a Shield Charm as I did and deflecting a Stunning Spell that came our way. Remus Lupin jerked in surprise as my hand wrapped around his free one.

"Take my hand and don't let go!" I yelled at him.

Lupin tightened his grip as though automatically at my words and I twisted on my feet. Darkness swallowed us; and then we landed back at the Order safe house. I panted as I straightened up, automatically moving to let go of Lupin's hand now that we were out of danger. But his hand tightened on mine again and before I knew it, he'd turned me back around quickly. I looked up in surprise to see amber eyes that locked onto mine in shock.

"Lupin?" I asked as he searched my eyes desperately. This was the first time we'd ever interacted in any capacity since he'd joined the Order straight out of Hogwarts along with his friends. So I was a bit surprised by the intensity with which he scrutinized me now.

He opened his mouth - but then he hesitated, looking like he was afraid to speak. And then he shook his head and let go as abruptly as he'd pulled me. I was baffled as I watched him turn and walk away without a word. I shook my head.

'What was that about?'

Not long after that strange incident, I started to notice Lupin watching me. Or, I thought he was. I was never a vain person, so at first, I assumed it was just a coincidence that he would avert his gaze just when I looked over. But when it happened at every Order meeting, I started to wonder.

I didn't mind, per se. I'd noticed the boy from when we'd still been students, at first because he was one of the Marauders and then for his quieter charm that his friends generally lacked. While he could be as mischievous as his friends, Lupin was much more astute than his impulsive and often restless friends. And not only that, but he was a very good looking lad in his own right. He wasn't stereotypically handsome like Black but he was good looking in a boy-next-door kind of way that was far more attractive to me than Black's sharp, aristocratic features. And he was clever, easily keeping up with the brains of the smartest Ravenclaws.

And it was precisely for all of those reasons that it made no sense he would be looking at me. Maybe he was just grateful I'd helped him, I decided. And I tried to let it go. I really did.

But then other odd things started happening.

First, Black started staring at me almost as often as Lupin. And unlike his brown-haired friend, Black didn't look away even when I met his eyes curiously. Instead, he winked back at me and then nudged Lupin like they were thirteen year olds. It was all very strange.

Second, Peter Pettigrew started to get unusually jumpy around me. I swore he even squeaked once when I asked him to pass me a goblet of water.

Third, Celeste Potter suddenly started to strike random conversations with me before and after Order meetings. Those conversations were often awkward as Celeste was usually striving to keep me talking while I wondered what had gotten into the pretty former Ravenclaw. And sometimes, James would join his new wife and chat with me like we were old friends. Even though we'd never talked before. Not even in school, considering we'd been in different years and Houses.

But it wasn't until a few weeks later when Despina Pucey greeted me (albeit somewhat reluctantly) as I passed her at an Order meeting that my paranoia started. The former Slytherin was notoriously aloof. She wasn't quite the ice queen she'd been before she and Black started dating, back when she'd been what people (including Black himself at the time) called a 'perfect Pureblood princess'. But it was pretty obvious to everyone that she wasn't naturally social. She tended to have a rather cold and emotionless expression, and not once had she ever initiated any kind of interaction with someone outside her usual social circle (made up of pretty much just her boyfriend and his friends).

It was at that point that I finally cornered Celeste after the Order meeting and demanded an explanation.

"I don't know what-" Celeste began in a nervous voice that immediately gave her away. A clever woman, Potter was. A liar or actress, she was not.

I cut through her feeble shield.

"Celeste." She had insisted I call her by her first name shortly after she started seeking me out at meetings. I should have realized then that something was going on.

"I may not be a Ravenclaw but please don't think I'm a complete idiot. And intelligence aside, I'd have to be blind as a bat not to notice how weird you, your husband and his friends have been around me lately. If I didn't know better, I would have even said you'd all been Imperiused."

She smiled half-heartedly at my half-joke… although in truth, a part of me was serious. But she still hesitated.

"We're not..." Celeste trailed off at my skeptical expression. She bit her lip and I narrowed my eyes. She was close to cracking and just confessing, I could see it in her bright green eyes.

But then of course, her knight in shining armour arrived. "Lowes."

"Potter." I turned to James, who was eyeing me warily from behind his round spectacles. He shot Celeste a questioning look before he looked back at me.

"Why does it look like you're bullying my wife?" He teased although there was a serious undertone to his voice. I folded my arms.

"I resent that." I protested. "Besides, if anything, it's you lot who seem to be bullying me."

James's brows furrowed. "I beg your pardon?"

"Don't play dumb." I warned him. "You and Celeste have been weirdly friendly ever since that fiasco in Stirling. And I haven't missed all of Black's funny looks and his secretive winks like I'm in on some sort of joke with him, or Pettigrew suddenly acting like I've got Dragon Pox, not to mention Pucey of all people saying hello to me. The only person who's been relatively normal lately out of you lot has been Lupin."

James made a funny face as I said his friend's name, and I raised a brow at him.

"Now, are you going to tell me what's really going on with all of you? Because if this is all some part of an elaborate joke-"

"No, trust me, the last thing we're trying to do is joke with you." James interrupted. I frowned.

"So then, what are you guys doing?"

He paused, and then James and Celeste exchanged looks. But I sensed it was because they were trying to decide how to say what I wanted them to say. So I waited, but I was surprised by what came out of James's mouth next.

"Have you really noticed nothing out of the ordinary about Moony?"

"Lupin?" I repeated, catching the familiar nickname the Marauders had for each other. At James's nod, I shrugged.

"I mean, he hasn't done anything weird that I could tell. Unlike you lot."

I refrained from mentioning how I thought he'd been watching me. Not only did it sound incredibly vain, but I also didn't want to be wrong. I could just imagine Black's reaction if he found out I'd thought (even if only in passing) that his best mate liked me.

"Yeah, but that's just because he's shy." James said a little defensively. That puzzled me - what was he trying to defend?

"James." Celeste warned, but I was still confused.

"What do you mean?" I asked, expecting him to give me another hint. But James apparently took that as meaning he needed to spell out what he wanted to say as simply as possible.

"You're his soulmate."

My jaw dropped while Celeste dropped her head into her hands.

"What?" I gasped, so shocked I couldn't speak any louder.

"Soul-mate." Potter repeated, speaking slowly like he thought I was an idiot. I almost whacked him over the head. I'd heard him the first time, but it was just a bit of a shock… Or more like, an earth-shattering shock.

Celeste thankfully seemed to understand.

"James, you can't just tell someone something like that so bluntly." Celeste scolded.

"Why not?" James protested. "It's the truth and explains everything in one go."

Celeste sighed, shaking her head at her husband while I continued to gap like a fish at them.

"W-what… How-?" I couldn't formulate my thoughts but James seemed to understand.

"I doubt very many people tell someone to grab their hand and not let go, as their first words." He said in a very dry tone.

My eyes widened as I remembered what I had shouted at Lupin as we'd escaped, the words that had left me because I had worried he might pull away before I could I Apparate us away. It had never, in my wildest imaginations, occurred to me that the words that had left my mouth on instinct would be what was inked onto someone's skin since they'd turned seventeen.

"I…"

I stammered before finally settling on the question that superseded all others.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I, and the rest of us, want Moony to be happy." James answered like that answered everything. Which, in a way, it did.

At first, I wondered how I should feel about the fact that apparently all Lupin's friends knew about this before I did. But then I realized, it made sense. The Marauders were practically brothers and had been since their early days at school. Of course they had no secrets between them, and it wasn't a surprise their soulmates in turn knew. Suddenly, Black's looks and his nudges to his friend took on a whole different meaning.

"But that still doesn't explain why you guys have been swarming around me while he has stayed away." I thought aloud.

James hesitated. "You know what he is, right?"

I nodded, not really understanding where he was going with this topic. The whole Order knew Lupin was a werewolf. He hadn't wanted to tell us, I'd noticed, but it would have been pretty hard to miss when he disappeared every month and returned with fresh scratches around his nose. Maybe because he knew that, Lupin had told the Order from the first meeting. Still, it hadn't taken a psychologist to realize he hadn't liked telling everyone.

"And it doesn't bother you." James continued. This time, it wasn't a question. I still nodded anyway.

"But see, it bothers him." James explained. I was still confused so James elaborated.

"He hates what he is, and because of that, he's never going to approach you first, Lowes, even though he likes you. But I - along with Celeste and the others - am sick of seeing Moony alone and unhappy all because he barricades himself off from anyone who would care."

My brows furrowed together at this explanation, still not fully understanding. "Aren't Gryffindors known to be brave?"

"We're also noble." James reminded me. "Moony believes in his own weird way he's protecting you by staying away."

Finally, all the pieces clicked together and at last, I saw the whole picture. I glanced across the room in time to see Lupin hastily turn back to a conversation with Black that was so obviously fake, I didn't even need Black's badly hidden laughter to figure out it was an act. I turned back to James and his wife.

"What do I do?" I asked them. Maybe not my finest moment, but to suddenly be told I had not only found my soulmate but that he was Remus Lupin was more than a little overwhelming.

"You could go over there, snog him, and tell him to get his head out of his arse." James suggested with a completely straight face. I was pretty sure he was being serious too.

I supposed it was my own fault for asking James Potter for advice, but it didn't stop me from groaning at his terrible suggestion while Celeste shook her head at him.

"It's at times like this, James, that I wonder why I ever agreed to date you."

And then Celeste turned to me, ignoring James's protests as she gave me a reassuring look.

"Just go talk to him. There's no pressure to rush into something just because you've been told you're soulmates. Get to know Remus slowly, and if you like him after that, well… then you can decide at that point."

Spoken like a true Ravenclaw. I admired Celeste's cool logic and before I knew it, I was nodding along to it. It made perfect sense and was clearly the right thing to do.

"Okay."

With that, I took a deep breath and walked away from the Potters. I ignored James's widening smile as I did and Celeste's soft encouragement. Instead, I forced my feet to take me across the room and toward Lupin. He was so engrossed in his act of pretending he hadn't been watching me earlier that he didn't even realize I was there until Black nudged him and nodded at me as I reached the two men. Lupin glanced over, did a double-take, and turned so red I was a bit flattered.

"Hi."

My voice was much quieter than I'd intended but he heard me anyway.

"Hello." Lupin replied hesitantly.

For a second, I wavered - that wasn't the word imprinted on my skin. What if they were all wrong? What if he wasn't my soulmate?

"I doubt very many people tell someone to grab their hand and not let go, as their first words."

James's words rang through my head and with it, my confidence returned. Shaky as it was. I opened my mouth to say something, but had no idea what. Instead, I stared into Lupin's kind amber eyes that were peering into my own, waiting for me to make the next move. Only I didn't know what it was. And the silence between us was lengthening.

James's advice popped into my head. "Snog him."

"Just go talk to him." Celeste's words whispered in the back of my head.

But as I stood there, I realized there had definitely been a reason I hadn't been sorted into Ravenclaw. Because even when a tiny part of me told me that Celeste's advice was reasonable, my heart went ahead and moved my body of its own accord.

With bravery I didn't know I had, I pulled Lupin down by the lapels of his robes. And kissed him.

Even weeks later, I somewhat regretted my bold move.

After I kissed Remus, I had quickly become the butt end of many jokes. Numerous members of the Order gave me little smiles and winks and it was becoming quite a habit for James and Sirius to make fun of me before Order meetings. And because I knew we had so few occasions to laugh lately, I endured the teasing. Sort of. Mostly.

Because, at the end of the day, it was all worth it. No matter how much James and Sirius laughed at me, I'd come out the other side with the best, most considerate man I'd ever had the fortune to meet. I'd always known Remus was a good guy but it wasn't until I got to know him that I realized just how close to damn perfect he really was. Smart, funny, good looking and with more patience than I had ever seen in one person, he was quite literally the complete package. And last but not least, Remus was usually able (with some help from Celeste and Pucey) to silence the two jokers who sometimes took their teasing too far.

It was on more than one occasion that I wondered just what I had ever done to deserve such a man. Maybe I'd gone through hell in my prior life or something and fate decided that I should be compensated in this life. There was no other way to explain the fact that Magic would tie me to a man like Remus.

I still had trouble believing he really was my soulmate, even after seeing his words with my own eyes. The first time it had happened, we'd been in my kitchen where Remus was cooking dinner (he was a fair cook on top of everything else, life really wasn't fair) when Remus rolled up his sleeves absently. And from my position at the table, I'd had a perfect view of the line of words inked onto the side of his right forearm.

Surprised, I'd reached out to touch the words. Remus jumped and his eyes darted to me with mild alarm, although I didn't know why. It wasn't like I hadn't known we were (likely) soulmates. Chalking up his odd reaction as surprise at my sudden touch, I continued to examine the words that marked his skin carefully. They were pretty, swirling and curling at the edges unlike my own word, which was simple and modest. I wondered whether that said something about me or him.

"I always wondered who it was who would offer their hand to me and say to not let go."

At his soft words, I looked up from Remus's arm where my finger continued to trace his skin absently. Remus was gazing down at me a little uncertainly and a little bashfully as he continued in a quieter voice than usual.

"I didn't think I'd hear it in the middle of a battle… but I'm glad it was you."

I smiled at that.

"And I'm glad it was you I was supposed to find." I admitted, moving my hand down his arm so I could take his hand and interlock our fingers. Remus smiled and then hesitated.

"What about yours…?" He started before faltering awkwardly.

Knowing what he meant, I reached up with my free hand and pulled down my shirt enough that he could see the one word inked under my collarbone.

"Sorry?" Remus read, looking puzzled as he reached out and traced the word on my skin. I shrugged.

"Don't look at me - I have no idea when you might have said it." I answered. "I don't remember us ever talking after you joined the Order, though, so it must have been while we were both at Hogwarts."

Remus hummed thoughtfully.

"Yeah… I do seem to remember running into you a couple times while we were at school, so it could have been then."

"And I recall that you mean that literally."

Remus laughed at my dry comment, and he nodded.

"Yeah. You weren't the only one. We must have bumped into someone at least every other day whenever we were in a hurry to get somewhere. Or away from whoever was coming after us."

"You four were a Prefect's nightmare for sure. And you were a Prefect yourself." I shook my head in fake disappointment. "You should be ashamed, really."

"Probably. Unfortunately, I have no regrets." Remus grinned, looking for a brief moment like a teenage boy again. I lived for moments like these when the cares of the world and the darkness sweeping over our lives retreated if only for a short while. Because of that, I laughed with him, not thinking anything else of that moment as we moved on to swapping stories about Hogwarts.

Months later, I would regret not telling Remus I'd already known we were soulmates; regret assuming that he knew I knew.

Our first fight happened just a week after that peaceful night in my flat, two days after the night of the full moon.

Remus had grown gloomier by the day as the full moon approached. I'd tried to uplift his mood but it grew visibly harder for him to smile for me the closer the day came. I'd been fully prepared to cheer him up and take care of him after his transformation, knowing there was nothing I could do while he was in his wolf state. What I hadn't really been prepared for was for him to basically lock me out for three days straight. Sirius had warned me this would likely happen, but it hadn't been until that moment when Remus flat-out refused to answer the door the day before the full moon that I realized just how much it would hurt.

In my head, I knew it wasn't rejection. Not really. I knew that in Remus's mind, he thought he was protecting me. But logic was never my forte. And knowing that his actions came from a place of deep self-hatred, I just couldn't accept it. More than that, I refused to accept it.

Hence our fight.

"You shouldn't be here!" Remus snapped after I forced my way into his flat two mornings after the full moon.

Even on good days, he disliked it when I came over to his place. I figured out eventually that it was because of how shabby his home was, despite the fact that it was almost always well cared for and clean. But today, it was even worse. Remus was quite still with anger and his hands were clenched into such tight fists, his knuckles were white. I frowned back at him.

"Why not? The full moon was over more than twenty-four hours ago and we both know that you're no longer dangerous from the moment the sun comes up and you transform back. So really, I'm over a day late."

"I don't want you here."

I paused in the middle of unpacking all the dishes I'd brought over before I resumed what I'd been doing like Remus's words hadn't hurt. His hand closed over mine and he forced me to stop and look at him.

"Do your parents know you're here?"

I scoffed. "Do you really think I could have made all of this on my own? You know I'm a terrible cook. Mum says hi, by the way."

Remus ignored the sarcastic bite in my words as he instead honed in on what I hadn't said.

"And she knows what a werewolf is? And your father? Is he happy you've come here, if he even knows at all?"

I couldn't lie. I glanced away and Remus seemed satisfied. He let go of my hand.

"See? Go back, Silvia."

"And leave you here alone when you're unwell? I don't think so." I answered instantly, looking back at Remus.

He looked honestly terrible, still weak and he seemed to have fresh scratches on his face. I winced when I thought of the wolf side of him slashing and biting at his own body, trapped in the basement where James told me Remus locked himself. Remus ran his fingers over his face in clear agitation.

"Why are you doing this?" Remus asked, frustrated.

"Doing what?" I demanded. "I'm just trying to help, Remus, you're the one pushing me away-"

"Don't you see? We have no future!" Remus cried.

I blinked, shocked and more than a little bit hurt by his words. Seeing my expression, Remus took a deep breath to calm himself down. But he remained firm in his one-sided decision as he continued in a quieter tone.

"I'm a werewolf. I don't think you fully grasp what that means."

"Do I look like an idiot to you?" I demanded, offended by his words. "Of course I know-"

"No, you don't." Remus interrupted sharply. "You're kind and you view the world with the same rose coloured lens you always have, even during a war. But the world isn't like you, Silvia. I haven't been able to hold down a job since graduating Hogwarts because of what I am. My mother lived the last ten years of her life crying every month because of what I went through whenever I transformed. My father still works to the bone today because he collected so much debt trying to find a cure for me all through my childhood."

I folded my arms across my chest angrily.

"So, what, you think I'll just abandon you rather than work together?"

"No," Remus shook his head. "I know you. You're too loyal to do something like that. But you shouldn't have to be burdened by me. That's why I'm saying for you to leave now. Before you get too attached. I shouldn't have let things come even this far, I shouldn't have been so stupid-"

"Is that what you really think? That we're so shallow we can't withstand something like this together?" My voice was quiet. I was unable to speak louder as my heart hurt too much.

Remus averted his gaze.

"We've only been together for a few weeks. I'm sure you'll get over-"

"It may only have been a few weeks, but you're the best man I've ever met, much less dated, Remus." I cut through him, causing him to break off. "And I don't appreciate you treating me like some simple-minded ewe who'll do as she's told. I knew from the beginning what you were. And contrary to what you seem to think, I know what that means. My mum might be a Muggle but my dad's a Wizard through and through. I know the stigma associated with werewolves but I also know that you're not like most of them! You aren't savage or vicious or out to hurt people. You're not a monster-"

"But I am." Remus insisted. "Whenever I turn, I turn into a savage, vicious monster who would kill you without a second thought."

"But you never would every other day of the month, when you are in control." I countered. Remus clutched his hair in a frustrated manner I'd never seen before.

"What does that matter if twelve times in the year, every year, I'd do so quite happily?" Remus cried. "How do I justify that to anyone, not the least of all to your parents? What parent wants a monster for their daughter?"

"Stop calling yourself that!" I exclaimed.

"Tell me your father hasn't said the same thing." He countered.

"He hasn't."

Remus scoffed. "Only because you haven't told him yet."

I finally lost my own patience. "The reason I haven't told him, or Mum, is because I didn't know if you would want me to! It's not my secret to tell and I wanted it to be your decision when we tell my parents!"

Silence followed my outburst. Remus's hand had fallen away from his hair as he stared at me with mild surprise. And guilt. Unable to stand that expression, I picked up my things and turned away.

"I'll leave the soup out, ladle out however much you want and then put the rest in the fridge with the rest of the food. Reheat the pies and the lasagna before you eat it. Come find me when you're ready to talk about this like an adult."

"Syl…"

I paused in the doorway at Remus's apologetic call. But nothing more came. Clamping down on my disappointment, I closed the door and Apparated away.

It was only a day later that Remus turned up at my door with two pies. I let him in and we ate in mostly silence until he finally started talking about the latest Order business. I let him; and we moved on like our fight had never happened. Soon, it was like Remus and I were back to normal again - except we weren't.

Our fight hung like an unspoken cloud over us and I knew we could both feel it especially when things grew quiet right before bed. But Remus never raised the subject again and I never asked him. It grew tense enough every month in those few days before and after the full moon. There were many times I wanted to bring it up. But each time, my courage failed me and I let another month go by. That was what I'd regret most in the coming years. If only I'd worked up the nerve to address the issue instead of sweeping it under the rug. Then maybe things wouldn't have ended as they did the fateful day when we gathered for Sirius's birthday.

Work kept me tied up enough that by the time I finally arrived at Sirius's flat, I was the last one to arrive by quite a long shot. And of course, Sirius and his big mouth couldn't let the opportunity to make a joke slip by. The Firewhiskey probably didn't help either.

"Oh, Sylvia, finally made it, I see! Heard Remus was planning on getting a new girl to keep him company?" Sirius slurred, throwing an arm around James who stumbled a little bit under the extra weight.

Remus shook his head disapprovingly at Sirius's terrible joke while Despina rolled her eyes at her boyfriend and Celeste said to me, "Don't listen to him, Syl. Work's really getting busy?"

"Yeah-" I started but Sirius cut me off.

"Aw, come on, 'Leste! You know I'm just messing around. Besides, it's not like Moony would really cheat on his own soulmate."

"I would hope he doesn't cheat on anyone, regardless." I answered with some amusement, but a sharper voice cut over me.

"What did you just say?"

I turned to my boyfriend in surprise, only to be confused as I saw Remus staring hard at his friends through narrowed eyes. Sirius and James blinked back at him, looking as confused as me, so Remus clarified.

"Did you guys tell her I was her soulmate?"

Suddenly, understanding seemed to dawn on James as he turned paler and he gulped. Sirius still looked clueless and I was right there with him. Remus however had noticed James's reaction and he laughed humourlessly.

"I always thought it was weird you weren't surprised to see my words." He said, looking at me.

I hesitated, not sure what had angered Remus, but he wasn't interested in a response anyway. Instead, Remus turned back to James.

"When did you tell her, Prongs?"

"Er, look, mate-" James started, and Remus laughed hollowly.

"So you told her before we started dating."

"What's wrong with that?" I wondered and Remus turned to give me a stern look.

"Maybe the fact that this explains why you suddenly returned my interest, why you walked over to me that day and kissed me?"

I opened my mouth to protest but he continued without pause.

"I always thought it was too good to be true. Now I know why: it was pity."

"Excuse me?" I gasped. I wasn't the only one. Celeste's jaw had dropped while James immediately started to protest.

"Mate, you know that's not true."

Despina had grown exceedingly quiet as she eyed us carefully. Beside her, Sirius had sobered rather quickly and he agreed with James, "Yeah, Moony, I mean it was always pretty obvious Sylvia liked you well enough too, if you'd just talk to her-"

"No, back up." I cut in, staring at Remus who just looked back at me impassively. "You think I kissed you out of pity?"

"Didn't you?" Remus shot back and I glared at him.

"How dare you think that? Do you really think that lowly of me to think I would ever do that?"

"Well, it's clear you're perfectly capable of believing in a twisted magic that would tie you to a werewolf enough that you'd stick around me. It's not exactly a leap to think you'd believe in it so wholly that you'd kiss me for the simple reason that I'm your soulmate."

I sucked in a sharp breath at his words. At the same time, James cautioned, "Moony, careful, you don't want to say something you'll regret-"

"No, I think we should hear what Remus really thinks." My tone was cool and I kept my eyes fixed on Remus as I spoke. He matched my coolness with his own.

"Go on, Remus." I demanded. "Why don't you spell out exactly how much of a moron I must be to blindly trust in soulmate magic and completely ignore what my own heart tells me."

"I don't think you're an idiot."

"Thank you so much for clarifying." I snapped.

"But you can't pretend you're not blindly loyal to a cause you believe in." Remus continued, completely ignoring me. "And you can't say you don't believe in soulmate magic."

"And you think that this is enough for me to think, "To hell with real love, I'll just throw myself at any man so long as that's who I'm destined to be with"?"

"Yes." Remus answered curtly. "Despina, back me up. You agreed with me."

All eyes, including my own, turned to Despina at Remus's words. Despina shifted a little bit under everyone's gaze, but she remained otherwise as poised as always albeit silent.

"Des?" Sirius borderline demanded. Finally, Despina exhaled and nodded.

"I said something similar before, yes." The Slytherin admitted, her eyes glancing my way briefly.

I couldn't quite read her emotions (I never had been able to) but James was easy. He looked appalled.

"Why would you say that?"

"I didn't know her yet." Despina explained without apology. I had to say, I admired her blunt honesty even in a moment like this. I didn't like it though. "And Remus, don't twist my words - all I said at the time was that I was surprised at how Silvia suddenly expressed interest in you."

"Exactly." Remus nodded. I threw my hands up in the air incredulously.

"And it never occurred to you that I liked you already? That it wasn't knowing you were my soulmate but the fact that I knew you reciprocated my feelings that made me act the way I did?"

"Can you honestly say that knowing I was your soulmate didn't play any factor into your decision?" Remus shot back.

I shook my head, the fight starting to leave me. It was like talking to a wall… hopeless. "Why won't you believe me? Why can't you trust me to make my own decision?"

"Because you have no idea what it's like. To be shut out. And if I let that happen to you too?" He shook his head slowly too. "I already hate myself enough, Silvia. I won't be able to bear you hating me too."

Tears started to slip down my cheeks. "I would never-"

"You would." He answered wearily. "Eventually, you would. And I would never blame you. What kind of a life is it, to be isolated from society."

"But you would choose to live that life?" I asked, my heart breaking as I realized what decision Remus was coming to. Without me. Again.

Remus shrugged. "That's the life Fate dealt for me."

I was speechless for a minute. "Well, wouldn't you say it's what it dealt me too when we became soulmates?"

Those were the wrong words to say.

Remus paled like he'd seen death itself. Before I could say anything else, however, he turned abruptly away.

"Not if I stop it." He answered shortly. My lips parted in shock but Remus just walked quickly out the door despite cries from both James and Sirius.

"Goodbye, Sylvia."

And then, with a sharp crack, he was gone. For a long moment, there was only silence as I stared at the empty space where Remus had been. I was torn between anger and heartbreak, and neither emotion was helping me to think. It was then that I heard a shuffle beside me.

"Er, Syl-" James started.

But I didn't even answer him. Instead, I also ran out. I heard both Celeste and Sirius cry out after me but I didn't turn. I just Disapparated as soon as I could. Leaving my bleeding heart behind.

We never really spoke again.

We saw each other across the room on occasion when we both attended an Order meeting but those became fewer and farther in between as Remus seemed to withdraw from everything, including the Order.

Celeste, James and Sirius tried to talk to me. Separately and together. Even Despina tried once but I never let them. In fact, I started turning up late to meetings and leaving early just to avoid them and Remus. It was a dangerous move on my part. The Order was growing increasingly worried that there was a spy in our midst as more and more of our plans were somehow thwarted by the Death Eaters. But no one said anything. Not even suspicious old Moody ever commented on my behaviour; it was obvious enough to everyone that Remus and I had had a falling out that no words needed to be said. And eventually, that became the new normal. I continued to evade him and his friends, and one by one they too stopped trying. Even Celeste.

The only exception was a few months after the incident. When I learnt that Despina (who had become engaged to Sirius not long ago), was killed in a brutal attack at her and Sirius' home. I didn't go to Sirius's place - I didn't feel that was my place. But I wrote to him; and the next time he came to an Order meeting, looking almost like a ghoul he was so pale and sickly, I approached him. He didn't even notice me at first, although James and Celeste did. Mercifully, they didn't say anything to me, they just let me come up to Sirius who finally only spotted me when I was directly in front of him.

"Hi, Syl." Sirius mumbled when he recognized me through his grief-stricken fog.

"Sirius." I reached out and patted his arm softly. "I'm so sorry. I know it doesn't help. But I hope it will one day ease you even just a little bit to know that there is one more person in this world who will always remember her."

He swallowed thickly at my words and I realized awkwardly that he was blinking back tears.

"Thanks, Syl." Was all he managed.

I nodded and quietly left Sirius. I saw Celeste and James comforting and supporting Sirius, and I thought he would be okay. Maybe he'd never be the same again; but one day, I was sure he'd be okay.

Maybe that belief was a mistake, however. Because just one year later, on Halloween, it happened. Voldemort was finally defeated. It should have been happy news. I should have been out celebrating with everyone else when I heard the very next morning.

But instead, as soon as I heard what had happened - and especially when I heard everything that had happened, including what had transpired mere hours after the tragedy of the night before - I Apparated directly to Remus's place.

His wards were still up but it was obvious he'd never changed them as they shifted easily to let me in. I almost shuddered when I thought about how they would have done the same for the traitor in our midst that we hadn't known was there. But all thoughts flew out of my head when I saw the figure sitting, unmoving, by the bed like a haunted ghost.

"Oh, Remus." I whispered as I knelt down beside him.

He lifted his tear-stained face, staring at me with such utter agony that all other words died on my tongue.

"I'm sorry." I finally managed.

The tears shone again in his eyes at my words and Remus choked.

"I just can't… James and Celeste..." His shoulders shook and he heaved before he could continue. "And it was Sirius. All this time, it was my best friend. And now Peter's gone too, because of him."

His voice cracked and I hugged Remus helplessly.

"I know. I'm sorry." It was all I could say. After all, even I had never dreamed, not even once, that Sirius was the spy. I had had my own suspicions on who the spy might be, but never had I thought of Sirius. That he was capable of betraying his friends - his family… It just didn't seem possible. Even poor Peter would have been more believable as the spy.

And yet, here we were.

Remus let out another sob and I tightened my grip on him. For a moment, we stayed like that, Remus grieving while I provided what comfort I could.

"I'm sorry."

Remus's broken voice ended the silence. I looked down at him, startled, to find him peering up at me with agonised, amber eyes. And at that moment, I understood.

I squeezed him gently while Remus continued, "I'm so sorry for what I said. I was just so afraid… so afraid that you never truly loved me. I… I said things… I'll never forgive…"

Remus shuddered as another sob wracked through him. I rubbed his back soothingly. The hurt from that time flared again as the memory returned, as fresh as always, but it was now followed by a strange peace as I knew. Somehow, now I knew what my life was going to be. Where my life had been headed since the words appeared on my skin several years ago.

"Remus?"

He rubbed his eyes as he mumbled, "Mm?"

"Take my hand."

He stilled, the words hanging between us. Remus looked up at me and I knew he knew I meant so much more than I had said. That those three words, maybe insignificant to many, meant a whole lot more to us. I was letting him know what my life choice was; it was now time for him to make his.

He stared at me and I returned his gaze quite calmly. I never wavered, so I saw the moment he reached his resolve.

Taking my hand in his, Remus requested quietly, "Don't let go."

I smiled. It was still filled with pain and sorrow, but it was a smile. One that Remus mirrored as I promised, "I won't. So don't you let go either."

Fourteen years later

I watched Harry where he was sitting further down the table from me in the huge house. The house Sirius had loathed but was now our new base of operations. It was so strange to me to see Harry in this setting. It was like going back in time, except James would never have set foot in the house where Sirius had been abused. In fact, I didn't doubt James would have helped Sirius burn the place down… and Celeste would have been right there to light the match. Despina probably would have been the one who poured oil all over the framed paintings, particularly the hideous one of Sirius's mother.

But instead, here we were. Sirius had even moved back in temporarily so he could see Harry more often. Harry, who looked so much like James that it physically hurt. But it was his eyes that really twisted the knife in my heart. His eyes which were a dead ringer for Celeste's. No matter how many years passed, I didn't think I'd ever be able to look at Harry and not think about his parents. What would they think if they could see him now?

"Hey, you two." Sirius smiled as he moved to sit beside us at the dining table as dinner started to draw to a close and people started to get up and leave.

"Padfoot." Remus grinned, turning to greet his best friend properly. But just then, Atlas Pucey paused on his way out to clasp Sirius's shoulder. And I watched with a soft smile as Sirius nodded back before his almost brother-in-law and really saviour left.

If it weren't for Atlas, Sirius would never have been able to get a fair trial. He'd even been thrown into Azkaban without trial following his arrest, just one of many in the ensuing chaos of Voldemort's demise. And who knew what would have become of him if Atlas hadn't absolutely refused to believe that the man his sister had loved could betray his friends the way he was accused of. It took Atlas over a month to organize a trial and he'd had to use every one of the resources he had. He even recruited me to help him and eventually Remus, who joined in on our crusade as it became increasingly clear that Sirius couldn't possibly have been the traitor.

And finally, Sirius was freed.

I still smiled when I remembered the day he was released. Remus had been there, so we were the first people he saw when Sirius walked out of Azkaban. Sirius's eyes were still haunted from both his friends' deaths and his experience in Azkaban. And there was a trace of guilt when he looked at Remus as he hesitantly walked toward us; guilt for ever questioning his friend's loyalty and for what he clearly thought was his fault for James and Celeste's death. But Remus just pulled Sirius into a tight hug and told his friend, "There is nothing to forgive." And Sirius wasn't the only one who cried after that.

I shook myself out of my reverie. Remus and Sirius were now talking quietly, so I absently looked around the room to see who was left at the dining table. There weren't that many people still milling around, and so my eyes quickly landed back on Harry who was stealing glances at the girl sitting beside him. He thought he was being sneaky, the poor boy, but it was immediately clear that he'd inherited his sense of tact (or rather, lack thereof) from James. He had the subtlety of a Bludger and I watched as the blonde girl he was watching quickly caught him in the act. But instead of teasing him as Harry clearly feared she would, my daughter just smiled back at him. I sighed - I knew that look.

Remus's chin on my shoulder drew my attention back to my husband.

"Looks like I may need to have a word with Harry soon." Remus mused. I smacked his hand.

"Don't you dare." I admonished as I watched our daughter laugh at something Harry had said. "The poor boy would likely just become a human tomato if you ever did. Besides, I'm positive Dessie can handle herself."

At our daughter's name, Sirius's eyes lost focus. It happened more often than Remus or I liked although we of course could understand. Even after all these years, Sirius hadn't quite gotten over Despina's death. It had gotten easier as more years went by, but even now, fifteen years later, there were times when something or someone would remind him of his soulmate and we could see how Sirius would drift off in thought.

But he always came back to us. And that was what mattered.

As if on cue, I watched as Sirius was drawn back to the world. He looked up and, seeing where our eyes were looking, he directed his own gaze across the table. His expression immediately softened as he saw his goddaughter pretty much flirting outright with his godson. Should it have bothered me that my daughter, who was only thirteen, was so comfortable flirting with a boy? Maybe it would have, I reflected, if she hadn't grown up with bloody Sirius Black. The man hadn't flirted with women in years but he wasn't a natural for nothing. And it had become clear when Dessie was only five that he had taught her how to charm the pants off anyone.

Although she'd better not actually charm the pants off poor Harry, I thought as I watched Harry go red at whatever Dessie said. If she did, Remus would kill him even if he was James's son. And even if it was all Dessie's fault. Remus was fiercely protective of his daughter, whom he was so thankful had not inherited his lycanthropy that he sometimes bent a little too easily to her will. It was nothing short of a miracle Dessie hadn't turned out completely spoilt under Remus and Sirius's attentions. Although, I knew I hadn't been able to completely discipline the brattiness out of my daughter.

"I wonder what words will appear on Harry when he turns seventeen." I mused suddenly. "If Dessie's his soulmate..."

Sirius barked a laugh.

"Then Harry had better hope that it doesn't appear somewhere visible because I'm willing to bet it won't be anything he'd want people to be able to see!"

Remus shook his head disapprovingly.

"My daughter's not that bad, Padfoot." He said with a hint of reprimand in his tone. Sirius and I exchanged looks before Sirius turned back to Remus.

"That's okay, Moony." Sirius patted Remus's head fondly. "You can stay innocent for a while longer yet."

Remus frowned, clearly not appreciating the joke. I meanwhile sat back quietly, silently agreeing with Sirius. No need to alarm Remus just yet.

Several years later, when we finally did learn what was written along Harry's rib, Sirius would fall over laughing. Harry meanwhile would flush a bright crimson, Dessie just shrugged and Remus paid up to both me and Sirius. The only reason Harry wasn't hexed on the spot was because Dessie stopped her father by revealing what was written on her rib.

But that was a story for another time.