The crash of thunder directly overhead after a blinding flash of lightning heralded the true beginning of the predicted thunderstorm. The echoing boom and more flashes of angry bursts of light startled but didn't alarm Spencer, sitting in JJ's kitchen and finishing another entry in his journal.
Speaking of JJ, he looked around the living area after making a new cup of tea for his lover, but she'd disappeared. He shrugged and decided that since it was nearly bedtime, maybe she'd gone to take a quick shower. The thought of her with droplets of water shining on her skin in the golden light of the bathroom fired his blood. He smirked and decided that he'd attempt to join her.
Another sky-splitting lightning slash lit the bedroom windows and spilled into the hallway as he went to the bathroom door. Almost immediately followed a thunder crack that vibrated in his teeth.
He knocked on the bathroom door, but JJ didn't answer. He stood there wondering if he should go inside. They'd promised each other not to enter unless invited inside, and the door was open. He reached for the doorknob, but thunder boomed, and after the echo had passed, he thought he had heard a whimper. He cocked his head and listened, and – again, he heard someone crying.
JJ?
Spencer had never heard JJ cry. He'd seen her shed silent tears, especially during his recovery from Georgia, but now she was weeping like a frightened child. He hurried toward the sound that was coming from inside her walk-in closet.
Why was she in there?
He carefully opened the door and saw her sitting on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest and rocking back and forth as she sobbed. His heart shattered as he knelt beside her.
"JJ."
She looked up at him and immediately reached out to hug him so tight he gasped in pain. "Baby, what's wrong?"
"Make it stop," she pleaded with him. "Please. I can't stand it."
Thunder rumbled directly over their heads, and JJ whimpered. "Please," JJ begged. "I hate it."
"The storm. JJ – honey, it's just –"
"Can't," she wailed. "Make it go away, Spence."
Spencer tried to pull away, but she fought him. "Jennifer. I have an idea. Please let me go. I promise I'll be right back."
"Promise."
"On my life."
She nodded and let him go. He watched her return to hugging her legs and rocking. He closed the closet door, ran to the living room, grabbed items, and returned to the closet.
"Spence," she gasped when he returned and flung out her arms. "Wait," he held out the items. "Let me put this on you. Trust me, blue eyes."
JJ nodded, allowed Spencer to put on her noise-canceling headphones, and plugged her into her phone. He found a song in her favorite playlist and began the playback. He turned up the volume until JJ shook her head.
Spencer pulled her into his lap and held her until he noticed the storm moving off into the distance. He wasn't sure JJ could hear him, so he gently tapped her shoulder, smiled, and nodded when she looked up.
"Is it over," she inquired loudly.
He nodded again, and she carefully removed the headset. Then she stood and left the closet without a word. He followed her, but she went into the bathroom and shut the door.
"JJ," he called out, but she didn't reply.
He heard more anguished tears, and then the shower turned on. He waited at the door for a few minutes but then returned to the bedroom.
When JJ finally joined him, he'd lit several candles and turned down the bed. "Before you tell me off, I want you to be comfortable. Please come lay down with me. Just want to talk to you."
She nodded as the anger left her eyes and she appeared – ashamed. "I'm sorry I flipped out on you like that."
"Hey," Spencer hugged her tight as soon as she lay down with her back to him. "You didn't flip out."
"Yes, I did. I don't know what – no, that's a lie."
JJ pulled away from him and turned over. "You remember when I told you why I hate the woods?"
"Yes."
"I didn't tell you the entire truth," she admitted, her eyes on his hands as they held hers.
"I thought not, but I knew you'd tell me when you're ready."
JJ blew out a breath and looked up to meet his eyes. He reached out and pushed back a lock of hair from her face. "Tell me."
"I didn't believe Roz about the monster living in the woods. I decided one afternoon to go alone and prove her wrong."
"My brave soldier," Spencer gently teased.
JJ laughed bitterly and shook her head. "I was so – stupid. I didn't notice the storm coming up until I was deep in the woods. I was still on the path from behind our house when the sky suddenly went dark, as dark as I'd ever known outside of night. The first lightning didn't frighten me, but the thunder did."
Spencer kissed her trembling hands. "I'm here, sweetheart."
"I'd never been outside in a storm. Always in the house with lights on, mom would make us hot chocolate or lemonade with cookies as a snack during storms. She told us stories, and we played hide-and-seek or board games. I know now it was her way of keeping us distracted and calm. Roz never seemed to be bothered until the day – well, anyway, I started to run when the lightning and thunder boomed again, and the rain began to pelt down so hard I could barely see, and soon I was lost. All I could see were shadows jumping out at me every time the lightning struck, and I heard some wild animal roar in the thunder and wind. I was so wet and cold. Finally, my dad found me sitting with my back against a tree and silent after the storm.
"They took me to the hospital forty minutes away. I stayed there for two days. I had fallen multiple times and had scratches, bruises, cuts, and a sprained ankle. My mom was so relieved, but my dad was angry. I think it was his way of hiding his fear, but – anyway. Since that day, thunderstorms are terrifying to me. It was worse after Roz died, and Mom stopped trying to distract me. I had to find other ways, like hiding in closets. I'm such a baby!"
"No, you're not," Spencer lifted her head with his hand. "Look at me, JJ, and hear me. You are not a coward. You are the strongest, most beautiful, intelligent, kick-ass woman I know. You saved me from burying myself into addiction, you love me despite all my faults, and you are frightening when dealing with the press. You astonish me."
"I should be tougher. You beat addiction, Spence and I – "
"Stop!" Spencer held up a hand. "It's not the same thing, and I think you know that."
"I don't know what to do. I fear that one day, I'll be on the job, a storm will come in, and I'll freak out in front of everyone. No one wants an FBI Special Agent that can't deal with a little thunder and lightning."
"Hey, stop it." Spencer kissed her. "Now that we've talked about it, we can make a plan. The headphones worked fine."
"Yeah, but I can't do that during an investigation."
"Maybe you should talk to someone," Spencer suggested.
JJ nodded and sighed. "I think about it every time there is a storm, but then life gets in the way. Maybe you're right."
"Until then, if we have a storm on the job, I'll be there for you. Perhaps we can set up a signal with other people."
"Like a high-five," JJ asked, and Spencer laughed at the sarcasm in her tone. She was smiling, though, which made him grin in return.
"That would be a bit weird for a precinct bullpen!"
"It would give Morgan something to wonder about," JJ observed, and they laughed until JJ said. "Okay, what are we going to do."
"Remember our safe word," Spencer asked, and JJ gave him a scathing look, making him smirk.
"Seriously, Spence?"
"I only meant that we can think of a word or phrase I can say at the first sign of thunder."
JJ slowly turned to her back and looked up at the shadow-filled ceiling. "Okay, I see what you mean. What should we use?"
"Painted lady," Spencer suggested.
"What," JJ asked as she turned back to face him.
"Your favorite type of butterfly."
JJ stared at him, and then she smiled. "Right, of course. Good idea, and again, something for Morgan to wonder about."
Spencer pulled her back into his arms. "It'll be my way of telling you everything is okay. I'm there, and I love you."
"I love you so much, Spence. Thank you for being there for me."
"Always and forever, Jennifer."