Disclaimer: The following is a fan-written fiction, the views and opinions in this story are not intended to be viewed as those of the author. Ranma 1/2, Urusei Yatsura, Inuyasha, and Five Pound Gospel are the creations of Rumiko Takahashi, property of their respective rights holders and publishers. Please support the official releases.

CW: This story will contain violence, strong language, sexual humor and situations, drug use, Moroboshi Ataru, and Happosai. You've been warned.

|Ignition|

There was no response from the Octo Teams that Mendō contacted. A silence lasting the full definition of a moment followed, giving time for Akane, Katie, Kaori, and Dr. Tofu to exchanged looks. Katie's in particular, aimed at Akane, was particularly pointed.

"What?" Akane asked.

Katie rolled her eyes. "Say it."

"What?" Akane repeated.

Katie made a circular motion with her hand. "Come on, say it."

Her eyes widening. Akane tilted her head back. "Are you kidding…? Ugh, Fine!" She sighed in resignation before asking. "You don't suppose something happened to them, do you?"

Everyone waited in silence. Nothing happened.

Finally, Mendō spoke. "I can't imagine something could have, they're esteemed professionals–and highly rated online."

The radio exploded with frantic calls.

"OCTO BRAVO TEAM, WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!"

"OCTO CHARLIE! LEATHER DADDIES ON ALL AXES, WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?!"

"OCTO DELTA WE'RE BEING OVERRUN! OCTO DELTA-THREE IS DOWN! HE IS DOWN! HE IS BEING TEABAGGED! I REPEAT, THERE ARE BALLS ON HIS FACE!"

Akane nodded sharply in vindication. "It wasn't me this time."

Kaori couldn't help herself. "I guess they were caught from behind."

"Oh, come on!" Akane shouted, as Katie's pout turned to inappropriate snickering.

"With their pants down," she added.

"Senpai!" Her kouhai yelped.

Mendō just made the foulest face. "Something must be done before we are overrun!"

"There's nothing we can do now but fight, from the sound of it," Dr. Tofu said.

Mendō agreed, and turned to the others with his sheathed sword gripped tightly in hand. "Then so it shall be! I won't hesitate to throw myself into battle against this brigands, and show them the true courage of a Son of the Mendō family!"

For the briefest moment, Katie and (especially) Akane in were curious if Mendō was actually going to shut up and put up with the firmness he gripped that sword. But then the lights went out, and the Courageous Son of the Mendō Family screamed like a child.

"AHHH! IT'S DARK, IT'S CRAMPED, I'M SCARED!"

He was lucky it was dark and he was too terrified to see the disgusted looks the girls in the trailer gave him. It would've broken his self-image.

Just seconds later, the entire back end of Mendō's mobile operation center was sheared open by a crosswise set of slashes, revealing Kamaitachi, HG and RG standing outside in the school's parking lot along with a few dozen other Sickle Gang members.

"Speaking of caught from behind," Katie said as they faced the attackers.

Kamaitachi pouted. "Oh, I was hoping it would just be Shū-chan." His lips pulled into a snarl. "But typical of bad habits he surrounds himself with trash."

Before the girls or Dr. Tofu could retort, Mendō stepped forward with his hand resting on the hilt of the sword that completed his expensive outfit–his fear forgotten in the face of women being besmirched. "I will tolerate no insulting of women in my presence."

Kamaitachi let out a laugh. "Come on, Shu-chan, you are not about that life."

"You're really not," Kaori agreed.

"The only life I am about is the one of protecting others," Mendō replied. "You assholes will not come anywhere near me–or these women!"

Dr. Tofu cleared his throat.

Mendō looked at him. "You can take care of yourself." He turned back to Kamaitachi. "And I am more than capable of taking care of…"

He stopped and stared at Kamaitachi more closely as his expression shifted from contempt to sardonic amusement. "… You?"

HG and RG then stepped forward, both thrusting their pelvises forward in a defiant display as they both let out a loud "HOOOOOO!"
"Baby! We're ready for round two!" HG shouted.

RG gyrated his hips then jerked them back and forth as he gestured to Akane. "So let's play, kittens."

Dr. Tofu was promptly disgusted. "That is highly inappropriate, stop that!"

Katie walked towards the open end of the destroyed MOC. "Doc, ya gotta remember, these guys are like little kids who just found a big stick: if you want them to behave, you gotta take it away."

"Speaking of," Akane said as she grasped the sheath of Mendō's sword and ripped it from his hands. "You're done playing with yours."

Mendo looked aghast for a moment before seeing the gleam in Akane's eye that promised to reinstate her silence order. "Be careful, that sword is extremely rare! You're not even allowed to own one!"

"Whatever, it's not like I'm cutting anything worthy," Akane snapped back.

Kamaitachi stepped back to the edge of the morass of his subordinates, behind HG and RG, as speakers began blaring Ricky Martin's "Livin' La Vida Loca" like the last time the two had fought.

"It's really funny that you girls can say anything about worth." Kamaitachi smirked and gestured. "Boys, they insist on fighting like men, so be sure to hit them like men!"

Akane narrowed her eyes, while Katie rolled hers. The two puroresu-aficionados of the Sickle Gang began dancing and hyping themselves even more, an encore performance on their minds as their subordinates behind them cheered.

"HG!" HG yelled out as he posed.

RG joined him. "RG!"

"Sickle Gang champions, battle!" HG and RG shouted together, before they lunged towards Katie and Akane respectively.

As they had before, Katie and Akane met their charge, but after two steps, the pair turned in towards and narrowly passed one another to swap their opponents. RG let out grunt of confusion, as Katie stepped into his range–while HG, being the quicker of the two, brought his hips back and his hands forward to pelvic thrust at Akane.

Neither were fast enough.

Taking Mendō's sword, still locked tightly in its sheath, Akane thrust the very bottom, or kojiri of the sheathed sword straight into HG's crotch as he pelvic thrust forward. Right beside her, Katie twisted her body in a full rotation to drive her left knee square into RG's own groin.

The twin blows on and through leather sounded like a thunderclap.

Living la Vida Loca quickly petered into silence and the cheering of the Sickle Gang audience meekly followed.

As the two champions of the Sickle Gang collapsed to the ground, squealing in pain at a very high pitch, Katie and Akane looked to the rest of them. Kamaitachi recoiled in surprise at the speed which his two champions were dispatched and the ease which the two girls had done it.

"Did y'all really think you could pull that goofy shit again?" The former asked the Sickle Gang's Second in Command.

The latter rested the still-sheathed sword on her shoulder. "Please, we're not playing your games, you're playing ours."

Katie clapped her hands aggressively. "So! Show of hands, how many of y'all got some?"

Kaori and Dr. Tofu calmly stepped up and joined them, walking towards Kamaitachi and his increasingly nervous Sickle Gang underlings as Katie finished.

"If you do, then it's time to throw 'em."

Soun Tendo sat out on his porch, enjoying a cigarette in the night air. He often had little problem enjoying a smoke in house, but there was something to be said for how the romantic feel of the cool night breeze enhanced the experience. That and Kasumi was cooking up a storm and he didn't want to interfere with the aromas she was creating with her work.

It was one of the few things he didn't bother to ask about and fewer still they didn't speak to him on. He was on a recent sober spell outside of his smoking, brought on by the revelation he might have put the one piece of information into enemy hands without realizing it. Back then, Suzuki had seemed an upstanding young man-one of very few to grace these halls-and thus he had told him the secret of the Temple in confidence.

But Suzuki himself was not the problem.

"You know, with your health as tumultuous as it has been, maybe you shouldn't be smoking, Daddy," Kasumi said gently.

Soun turned his head to her, and lowered the cigarette from his lips. "Erm… you see…"

His eldest's lips curled into a small, kind smile. "I'm only joking."

That brought Soun to his own smile, and he turned away to resume smoking.

"Is there something that's on your mind? It feels like something has gotten everyone extremely busy lately. Even Nabiki-chan's out later than normal, to say nothing about Akane-chan going out to help Dr. Tofu with the watch."

Letting out a hum, Soun nodded. "It's my Old Master's loose ends."

Kasumi brought her fingers to her lips. "Oh dear."

He closed his eyes, reminiscing enough of his youth to bring the cigarette to his lips to take a long drag from it. "The Old Master had many enemies in his day, but never did they last long. It's hard to imagine that any could linger on to the present."

"Didn't he die before he could deal with them?"

Soun coughed and spoke quickly. "Yes, quite, it was all very tragic–so I've heard."

Kasumi lifted her right eyebrow a little as her father regained his composure. "Does he have any other enemies that might still be around? Who could come for some kind of retribution?"

Soun took another drag of his cigarette. "It's hard to say, many people would consider him an enemy on principle alone. People that would swear him an enemy and come after him–and those associated–escape me at the moment."

Kasumi looked back into the house. "All of his personal effects are still in that storage room you moved them to after the old dojo was sold and he died. Maybe you should go through it to make sure he didn't leave any other loose ends."

Without looking back at her, his attention focused more on his back yard, he replied. "No, most of it is booby-trapped."

Kasumi gave her father a flat, but still well-directed, look. "It would be."

"I'll resolve that matter later, for now I'll direct my energy towards the current loose end left by the Old Master." He turned to her. "By the way, what's the word on dinner?"

Kasumi smiled. "Oh, it's almost done. Sorry it's so late, with the girls still out I thought it'd be better to hold off on it."

Nodding, Soun gently shooed her off. "Well, don't just leave it unattended. I'll finish this smoke and wait at the table."

Kasumi's smile dimmed. "All right."

Seeing her off with a smile of his own, Soun turned back towards the darkness enveloping his back yard with a severe glower. With a smooth movement, he casually pulled the cigarette from his mouth and flicked it like a projectile out into the darkness, where it bounced off the masked face of a short young man, dressed like one of the Sickle Gang. From the darkness behind him, three more loomed in the dark, radiating a presence of malice and menace.

"Excuse me, but the Dojo is closed and you are trespassing," Soun said calmly, without moving from the porch for the moment.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, my good man." The first of the taller Sickle Gang members-with spiky blonde hair-spoke up. "Sorry about our friend, he just had to see if you'd do anything."

Soun's brow furrowed. "I don't care, you should leave."

"And if we don't?" The second of the taller young men, thin and wispy with slick black hair, called out.

Soun contemplated playing the fool or complaining about some injury to stall for time–but quickly thought better of it. There was no telling how many of them were set against the house and all it'd take is one or two managing to slip behind him and take Kasumi hostage. Instead, he silently leapt off the porch with a spryness he hadn't had in years, landing without sound right by the young man who just spoke.

"Then I will force you to do so," he promised.

The blonde Sickle Gang member laughed, and stepped towards him with his hands raised in appeasement. "Hold on, mister! There's no need for any of that-"

Kodaira's favorite play was to start a brawl with a feigned gesture of diplomacy, or a willingness to reconsider a fight that served as misdirection for an explosive opening sucker punch. Ninety percent of the time it worked, with his recent bout with Akane being the first time in his recent memory where it failed.

He learned where she got it from when his attempt at doing the same to her father was interrupted by Soun grabbing his face and throwing him towards the wall surrounding his home.

Kodaira recovered from the throw roughly, hitting ground with a thud before rolling to his feet without showing any pain or damage. "Not bad old timer, but if you think you can battle the Golden Lovers by yourself, you're dreaming."

With a quick scan, Soun could see the other thee arrayed around him in a square, moving to try to stay in his blind spots. "Four on one, hm? Perhaps it will be a fair fight."

He took a loose low stance, nothing specific, but a noticeable amalgamation of the many front and horse stance variations he'd picked up on his journeys. "Come on."

Tendo Soun was never the strongest martial artist around, something he never deluded himself about. In shape, he'd at least have given them a tough fight. But all these years of grieving, smoking, and a loss of any interest in the arts later, there's no way he could take on by himself four young men eager to and frequently engaged in numerous brawls…

… Or so one might be inclined to think so anyways, as the limits of self-taught brawlers who valued violence over efficiency in a fight were a hell of a crux to bear.

Soun didn't quite move that fast, he did not need to as he easily parried Kodaira's charge and lunging haymakers. He took two steps back from Kodaira's assault to kick behind him and dissuade an attack at his back from the tiny Nakamura.

With such focus directed front and back, the Golden Lovers thought his flanks were open. Not so, even as Kodaira came in quick with flashy but inefficient jabs, Soun was mindful of Matsunaga approaching his right, the dark-haired young man intent to drive a kick into his side. Instead Soun spared a hand to catch Matsunaga's leg at the ankle and yanked him around to use as a club that forced Kodaira to jump back.

Fukiage, who was overly focused on Soun's left, didn't see the reversal at all, and was punished when Soun threw Matsunaga at him.

As the other two tumbled along the ground Soun shifted on the offensive, pressing Kodaira with a few snappy punches before forcing him to retreat with a kick.

"Not bad not bad!" The blonde said with a laugh. "You look like you're weak but I guess there is something to be said for skill."

"Here it is: a person with skill has no reason to be afraid of someone who doesn't." Soun quipped back. "Dull young men like you who only want to punch and kick as hard as they can are so boring I gave up on the art."

The left corner of Kodaira's mouth twitched in annoyance. "Tch, you're talking tough for someone who is still at a disadvantage."

Soun sniffed. "And you're just talking."

With a growl, the blonde rushed forward to shut the old man up.

As Soun said, in the world Kodaira came from, where people swung hard and fast without form or care beyond on knocking the other out, there was no need to develop secondary abilities like predicting attacks and how to block or counter them.

In the real world, such predictable foes were just overly loud herbivores rushing to get eaten.

"Screw y-!" Kodaira didn't get his battle cry out before Soun countered his right cross, his fist plowing into his face with his speed and Kodaira's own applying all that force directly to the blonde's nose and upper jaw.

Pulling his hand back, Soun left Kodaira forgotten as a crumpled heap as his attention was drawn to the other Golden Lovers swarming him.

"My, my," Soun said as he moved with the sudden blitz from the three young men blocking or parrying what he could without making too much noise. "You're heating up, finally."

He dove into a roll through their encirclement, rising to his feet and running towards the corner of his yard near the decorative koi pond at the base of its wall.

"There's an old saying," Matsunaga said, taking over the lead of their assault with Kodaira down. "Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous!"

Even the most experienced martial artist fell prey to bad habits, such as tunnel vision with a technique or trying to show off. Even the rank amateur knew this, so it wasn't a surprise that the three rushed Soun down, chasing him directly into the corner he fled for, knowing there'd be nowhere for him to go but over the wall or back to face all three at once.

It was not lost to Soun as he mused on that one. A reader of newsletters and chain emails in his middle age, he'd heard that one before.

"Then here's a bit of advice from a predictable pro to you dangerous amateurs," Soun called back as he reached the corner.

He jumped, as if to go to the top of the wall. Fukiage, anticipating his move leaped for the top as well–to catch him when he landed. Soun didn't reach the top. Mid way up the wall, he kicked off the left side of the corner, then off the right to drive a flying spinning kick into Fukiage's head.

The young man's body slammed into the wall and hit the ground limp. "If your attack is going well…"

Matsunaga, wide-eyed, turned to face Soun with his hands coming up to shield his face on reflex, and received an uppercut to the stomach, lifting him off his feet.

"You have walked into an ambush!"

Soun turned and roundhouse kicked Matsunaga in the jaw, dropping him to the ground unconscious.

With the second to last member of the Golden Lovers dispatched, he turned to the tiny one, who threw his hands up and waved them frantically in fear.

"Hey, hey, wait!"

Soun ignored his pleas and chopped him in the neck, knocking him out.

Without a care, the Tendo Patriarch dusted himself off and returned to the patio of his home unbothered, even as dozens of Sickle Gang members perched on the roof of his home and on the surrounding wall glowered at him.

"It was a very triumphant loss," he lamented. He looked into the opening patio door and saw no sign that they'd gotten into the house, at the very least.

Several of the Sickle Gang members on the roof stepped aside, as Madame Kamenbell made his way to the front of the crowd. As he emerged into view, Soun's eyes grew wide, recognition seizing him.

"Madame Kamenbell, the Old Master's mortal foe…"

"The Old Master…" Behind his mask, Madame Kamenbell's eyes narrowed to near slits, and his jaw tightened. A tremble raced through him as the memory of a shriveled toad of a mam and his jeering cackling sent his blood into a frothy boil. "Of course, that girl would have a connection to him."

"Madame Kamenbell," Soun called out, "You have come searching for the key to the Spring, haven't you?"

Slowly brandishing his scythe, Madame Kamenbell stepped closer to the roof's edge. "Are you going to stand in my way of reaching it?"

To his genuine surprise, Soun raised his hands to shoulder level in surrender. "No, I have what you've come for, and I will hand it over peacefully."

Madame Kamenbell's eyes narrowed behind his mask. "Show it to me."

Soun reached into his left hand sleeve and pulled out a necklace. On the end of it was a crescent-shaped medallion with a blue jewel set in its center. The moment Soun held it aloft, Madame Kamenbell slammed to the ground in front of him, reaching covetously for it with his free hand.

"The key…!" He gasped before Soun drew it back. He stopped and glowered at him.

Soun returned the gaze. "A question, first. Is it true that you intend to use this spring to create a world of only men?"

Kamenbell's grip on his scythe tightened. "It is my life's ambition, from the moment I learned of it!"

The patriarch of the Tendo family closed his eyes and shook his head as he responded. "For all of his ill intentions, I can safely say keeping it from you was Master's sole redeeming quality."

Before Kamenbell could demand the key, Soun opened his eyes and offered it to him without further protest. Looking at it, then him, Kamenbell took and gripped it tightly in his hand. "Answer me a question now, Tendo. What happened to Happosai?"

Soun looked to the night sky, reminiscing. "One day he disappeared, never to be seen again." He let out a short chuckle. "Could you imagine his reaction if he were to somehow return to a world of only men? It'd be almost poetic."

The seemingly idle thought got a powerful reaction from Madame Kamenbell. The very thought that Soun's old master could be somewhere out there made his face ashen, and his body tremble in a fleeting but intense terror.

"But I doubt it," Soun quickly said. "I was the last person who saw him. There is no chance at all of him to even return."

He then gestured to Kamenbell. "Shall I accompany you to the Shrine?"

Madame Kamenbell snapped out of his brief shock, and glowered intensely at Soun. "Of course. I will need someone to dissuade your daughter from interfering." He turned to the Sickle Gang. "Quickly, we will reunite with Kamaitachi, and claim our victory!"

With Soun in tow the Sickle gang all retreated back into the dark of night, leaving the Tendo Dojo unharmed. Inside the house, just out of sight of the back yard, Kasumi was on her phone, connected to Nabiki. She was almost on the verge of tears from worry, as her father departed.

"Nabiki-chan," she whispered, "Did you hear all of that?"

"Yeah, I did," Nabiki replied. "Don't worry, Dad'll be home before dinner's cold, I think."

"Please let Akane-chan and Katie-chan know, right away," Kasumi insisted.

"They're probably already in the thick of it," Nabiki replied. "But don't worry, it'll be fine. See you soon."

Ending the call on her end, Nabiki looked up at the closed gate of Butsumetsu High School she was approaching, and heaved a sigh.

"Welp, here we go."

This is probably the most I've pushed Soun Tendo in any of my fics lol.