First of all: thanks for the reviews. It's just amazing to read them! I'm really glad you're enjoying it, and I'm sorry about the long time between chapters. Unfortunately I don't have much time and feel I'm always in a rush. Anyway! Here it goes. I hope it doesn't get so much time for another chapter. Hope you like it!

I don't own CSI or any of its characters.

Chapter 11

She sure had forgotten how good that veggie restaurant really was, her memory just wasn't making justice to the real flavors she was enjoying that moment. The restaurant was far from being expensive (otherwise she'd only eat there on very special occasions), was very petite for a Vegas's mall restaurant and had a very…

"Homely combination, could be a meal prepared by me", Gil summarized.

She'd kill for one of his omelets.

"Yeah, but your cooking is way better, for sure", Sara said casually, without thinking, and took a sip from her lemonade to vanish the moment.

"Well, thanks", a little bit shy, a little proud of himself.

What she hadn't forgotten, though, was how good it was to be with Gil. Even now, that they were both in a nervous scenario, alone by themselves in a restaurant after so long, at the place one of the most horrible things of her life had happened, she was feeling good. Yeah, she could say that. She was feeling lighter, more OK about herself, more secure and, definitely, more well fed. Her eating habits always were something that bothered Gil.

"You don't seem to find pleasure in food, in flavors. Eating is not just about surviving, you know", he once had said to her.

That's why he did his best to always cook something for her, even if it was a sandwich or an omelet. If he couldn't, he tried to buy a meal for her, or for them, making sure the house was always filled with fruit and healthy snacks. Everything so she didn't skip any meals. He found pleasure to get to know more about vegetarian recipes and shared his findings with her. He was always very sweet.

Which brings the question:

What the hell did go wrong with them?

It wasn't just about the distance, it worked fine for a good amount of time. But then, she got into her work, and he got into his work, and their project fund never seemed to move forward, which made something that was temporary became something stable. Even so, they could have worked it out, since money wasn't a problem, and there were tons of projects they could look into. The thing is: he would never ask her to leave and she would never ask him to drop everything and go back to Vegas, somewhere he had left for her. He thought she was happy with the new arrangement, and she thought he was having the time of his life. Both would never deny one another of said happiness.

So, they got divorced because they loved each other too much. They were two of a kind.

"A penny for your thoughts?", he said out of the blue. She hadn't noticed, of course, but he was staring at her and she was… Well, lost in thought.

"Sorry, I…", Sara said, shaking her head to erase the fogginess that was installed on her eyes.

"You were deep in thought. Something you wanna share?"

She hesitated, she really did want to talk to him.

She was feeling bold, but couldn't deny the existence of insecurities just around the corner. In a few days, or one week or two tops, Gil would be back on the sea, and she'd be still working in Vegas til the day of her death. It took a long time to make amends with life again after the divorce and she feared a lot about the ending of this case. But one thing she never had was fear, and the only thing she regretted was not saying everything she was thinking about to him. So…

"There are two things I'd like to ask you, Gil"

"Shoot", he demanded.

"I had the weirdest dream about a ladybug. I can't shake it off my head. I was hoping you could give me some clarity".

He cleared his throat, organizing his thoughts.

"Well, I'm not an expert in dreams. But I do know it's more about the context in what the object is on than anything else–"

"We were at a crime scene and you found this ladybug, and you called me to see it. And when you opened it up, it had a lot of… things inside".

He looked at her with that investigator look that he used to wear when trying to figure out a crime scene or a suspect testimony. He knew pretty well that she wasn't telling one hundred percent of the dream, choosing to hide something or two. But, playing cool and trying to not force anything, he wouldn't ask about it.

"Generally speaking, ladybugs are associated with protection, they are known for their purpose to bring more harmony into nature. In some cultures, they are symbols against danger or evil.", he told her, "Maybe what's inside this ladybug of yours is what really matters." He took a sip of his juice before speaking again, "More than that I just can give you insect info".

Protection. Harmony. Symbols against danger. Sara actually didn't know what to think about dreams and what they meant. Back in college, she took a Psychology class and she knew they had multipurpose and was seriously studied as part of emotional process, problems resolutions, desires and memory. But could a weird dream be just a weird dream?

"It was worth trying", Sara said vaguely to fill the silence.

"So, the second thing…?"

She took a deep and controlled breath, and he raised his eyebrows. He knew something hard was about to come. It's weird how much she knew him and how much she couldn't figure out at the same time. God help her.

"Do you think our relationship would be different if I was never kidnapped?", she asked in a single breath.

It made him speechless. He too took a deep breath and looked down at the table for a while. She knew he wasn't ignoring her. After years working together and then dating before getting married, she knew exactly when he needed some time to think about a question. She wasn't in a hurry, anyway.

"In some ways, yes - of course. But others… Not at all.", he said simply.

"How so?"

"Well, I liked our privacy and I enjoyed working together with you, but I also wanted to get married eventually. We talked about things we'd like to do one day…"

"It's very cold in here", he told her over the phone. It was his third day in Boston, lecturing a whole one-month program.

"Yeah, I used to wear a lot of coats when I was at college. The secret is to wear layers of clothes, make sure to do that to avoid getting cold", her voice was soft.

"Yes, dear", the endearment always made her smile, "by the way, I was walking over the campus today, looking around…"

"Yes?"

"Maybe Boston is a good place for us, you know, to move someday. It's not sunny California, but it's good, we both like it. You could easily work here–"

"Could I?", she asked surprised.

"Well, yeah.", he said excitedly, and then his tone changed to a more serious one, "But not now. Now you work in Vegas", she laughed and his tone turned back to a lighter one, "but in the future, when I could get a permanent job at the university… Yes, you could."

There was a brief moment of silence that Gil looked anxious to fill.

"Unless, of course, you'd like to do something else".

She really didn't know what to say. It was the first time Gil said in a clear manner that he was thinking about the future with her by his side. Move to another state and changing a career path was a really big step. It meant they'd needed to go public. It was a much more serious commitment with each other.

"I never thought about it, actually", she ended up saying.

"About what, exactly?, he asked. She could feel that there was no pressure at all from his part to get the answer he really wanted, but it wasn't the phone call conversation she was hoping to have with him.

Because, of course, she'd live one hundred years with him if it was possible for her to live that long. She couldn't picture a daily routine where he wasn't involved in some way anymore. When she read about something interesting, he's the first person she wanted to share it with. What they had was very precious to her. She'd live in that shell happily forever. But to think about the future? Truth be told, she wasn't used to think about the future at all, because her life never allowed her to and now, as an independent adult, she realized she'd grow up used to it.

In any way, it wasn't the type of conversation she wanted to have with him miles away and over the phone. So she took the easier route.

"A new career", she replied and it wasn't a lie at all, "I discovered forensics very soon, I guess"

"I wanted to be a cowboy when I was a kid. And a ice cream truck driver in the spare time"

"Well, it probably would made your mother less terrified by your career choices, I guess", she said smiling at the thought of a young Gilbert.

"Yeah, probably she was expecting me to follow my dad's steps or be a medical doctor…"

"Maybe I'd work with something towards nature, sustainability, conservation. I took a lot of Biology classes in college, it's… something that interests me", she told him.

"You sure would be brilliant, dear"

"Oh, okay", she had said without any conviction while cutting up some carrots for Hank.

"I'm serious, Sara. I can picture you working as a researcher. You could even continue your studies", he told her.

"What, getting back to the University?", she laughed.

"Well, yeah! There's a PhD waiting for you. Not that it would interfere with your career as a researcher anyway. It's just an option, you know, when we move somewhere."

She laughed on the phone. Sara couldn't really believe what they were talking about. "Sara Sidle, Conservation Researcher", "Sara Sidle, Sustainability Researcher", "Doctor Sara Sidle, PhD", any option really sounded good. A little too far of what she had imagined for herself, but… what the hell? Wasn't everything til now way too far from what she had in mind for herself? Including that handsome and lovely man that she adored more than anything else.

"And… Would you be with me on those choices?", she asked.

"All the way, dear", he had said.

"Yeah, I remember", she said softly.

"I pictured both of us somewhere different from Vegas. So it was really a matter of time to ask you to marry me and really plan our lives from there.", he told her, looking straight into her eyes. And she could see he wanted to say more, but somehow felt blocked. Same old mistake. "And you, what do you think?"

"I guess… It'd be different, yes. If I wasn't kidnapped, our relationship wouldn't go public, not out of the blue, at least. And I…"

"Yes, Sara?"

She smiled.

"Don't get me wrong, please, I loved being married to you, I really did, every second of it.", her sentence made his smile, "But I never expected that, I never wished for a marriage, you know why…" he nodded before she continued, "So if we decided to live our lives the way we did back then forever, I'd be glad, I'd be happy anyway, as I was. I was very, very, happy, Gil".

"I was too, Sara.", he said softly, "I know I…"

He seemed to have lost what he wanted to say and she didn't push for it. She was a little bit of a coward too. Or she was tired. She didn't know exactly. But she wanted desperately for him to say the words, to stop being so sparse and just express himself, without fear.

He probably decided to change whatever it was in his mind, because when he returned his gaze to her, he said without perambulating.

"You taught me a lot, and I'm glad for everything", he said with sincerity in his voice. And just before he turned his eyes back to the remains on his plate, she saw he had swallowed.

Maybe it was time to ask for the check.