Disclaimer: Natalie McDonald belongs to JK Rowling. (Except she was technically based on a real person, so kind of not?)

A/N: While I've kept the book version that Parvati's boggart is a mummy, I weirdly like the movie version where it's a snake that turns into a really creepy jack-in-the-box…which Parvati apparently found funny. I like the idea that Parvati is a closet dark comedy lover who would freak out Lavender if she knew the truth.

Chapter 7: Sinistra

The Boggart in the Wardrobe

"Chapter Seven: The Boggart in the Wardrobe," began Professor Sinistra when she read the next chapter.

"Oh, boy," Neville said uneasily.

"Headmistress, I must protest," Snape interrupted, and the students who had been in that class snickered, remembering just what he was talking about.

"Your protest is noted and overruled, Professor Snape," McGonagall responded without missing a beat. "It was hardly a secret at the time. Please continue, Aurora."

The chapter began with Malfoy continuing to make an arse of himself, showing up to class with his arm bandaged.

Katie Bell scoffed: "He'd have to have his arm damn near ripped off to end up like that the next day."

"Hah! As if Madam Pomfrey would let him leave with injuries like that," Harry agreed.

Snape, as usual, was also being an arse. In fact, after playing along with Malfoy's charade and forcing Harry and Ron to do his work for him, Snape got even nastier when Neville botched his potion: "'Longbottom, at the end of this lesson we will feed a few drops of this potion to your toad and see what happens. Perhaps that will encourage you to do it properly.' Really, Severus, that's vicious even for you!" Sinistra exclaimed.

"I had hoped it would sufficiently motivate him," Snape defended himself.

Suddenly, Tonks spoke up. "Oh come on! You call that motivating?" she complained. "How about don't threaten students or their pets? Even Mad-Eye didn't do that…Tell you in graphic detail what Death Eaters would do to you if you screwed up, but not threaten you himself." She huffed. "I'm glad you're not teaching anymore. You've been like this ever since I was a student."

"Professor Tonks," McGonagall warned her. "I think that is enough." Having a fight between the teachers aired out in front of the students wasn't good for anyone.

"She's right, though," Sinistra said. "That was completely unprofessional."

Snape glowered at her. Finally, he said, "I believe we have established that we will not re-litigate past years during these readings."

"I wouldn't be surprised to find something from this year," she said.

"But that is not why we are here, Aurora," McGonagall cut in again, and Sinistra grumbled, but resumed reading. Malfoy remained true to form when he pointedly said to Harry that he would be out trying to catch Sirius Black himself—for unspecified reasons—which was a blatant lie, but was enough to pique Harry's interest.

"'Don't you know, Potter?' breathed Malfoy, his pale eyes narrowed.

"'Know what?'

"'Malfoy let out a low, sneering laugh.

"'Maybe you'd rather not risk your neck,' he said. 'Want to leave it to the dementors, do you? But if it was me, I'd want revenge. I'd hunt him down myself.'

"'What are you talking about?' said Harry angrily. Well, that seems inappropriate on Mr Malfoy's part. A bit more than schoolyard taunting, I mean. It sounded like he thought he knew a way to bait Potter."

"If Harry had known anything," Tonks pointed out. She looked down at the Gryffindor Table and met Harry's eyes briefly. "Although I have to say I'm a little surprised he didn't. Although…maybe not. It's not like Harry is the kind of git who reads books about himself. I guess I'm more surprised Hermione didn't know. Didn't she read three books about him before they even met?"

A few people laughed, and Hermione turned bright red and looked down at the table. "They weren't specifically about you, Harry," she muttered.

"What was Malfoy going on about, though?" asked Neville. "That was even weirder than yesterday. I get he was trying to bait you into going after Black and getting yourself killed, but really!"

"That's how I felt," Harry said. "I was getting the impression there was something important that nobody was telling me. Like everyone was either scared to tell me or was making fun of me for not knowing like Malfoy was."

"Wow, I get how you said you were frustrated. I'm getting frustrated just listening to it."

"To be fair, we did have to talk you down after you found out," Hermione pointed out.

"Okay, seriously, what did you find out?" Natalie McDonald demanded.

"I'm sure they'll get to it later," Harry said resignedly. "Just listen."

In the story, Hermione provided a distraction in the form of disappearing on them and reappearing on the other side of the room with no apparent explanation.

"'D'you get the feeling Hermione's not telling us something?' Ron asked Harry."

"T'be honest, I'm kinda surprised you didn't figure it out, Harry," said Dean. "I mean, I wasn't paying that close attention to her, but you two are her best friends."

"How were we supposed to figure it out when she was hiding it from us?" said Harry.

"I mean, time travel? Any muggle would know it when she was clearly in two classes at once. Didn't you ever see Back to the Future?"

Harry gave him a flat look. "Lived in a cupboard, remember?"

"…Oh. Sorry."

Regardless, Hermione had papered over her odd behavior, and the trio later went down to their first Defence Against the Dark Arts class with Professor Lupin, who decided to start with a practical lesson about how to banish a boggart.

"Huh, I wonder if Moody can see what boggarts look like with that eye of his," Ron mused as Remus reviewed the properties of a boggart in the story.

"Well, we know he saw one—" Harry started, but he stopped, choosing his words. He couldn't very well talk about Headquarters in the Great Hall—couldn't really even talk about having been around Moody outside of his teaching last year, which of course wasn't him at all. "Er…I mean I heard one time he saw through into where one was hiding and could tell what it was."

"It sure seemed like he could see through everything else," Parvati griped. "Even stuff he shouldn't've."

There was a slow wave of gasps and whispers around the table as people who hadn't put the pieces together last year suddenly made the connection. Neville was particularly affected, staring at Parvati in wide-eyed horror. "Bloody hell, you don't think he…"

"I don't know!" Parvati complained, more annoyed than worried. "I mean, Dumbledore let him in, and all, but it still felt creepy as hell to be around him."

"I'd expect the Ministry sorted any issues with that a long time ago," Hermione said confidently. "Although I suppose it's something we could look into, especially considering last year it…" She suddenly paled. "…wasn't…actually…him."

That realization set off a flurry of cursing loud enough that Professor McGonagall had to stop the reading to quiet them down, and everyone stared at the Gryffindor Table.

"Quiet! Quiet!" Hermione whispered. "I'll ask later, alright? We'll sound mental if we keep carrying on like this."

That defused the situation for the moment, but the tension remained in the air. Back in the book, Remus began the boggart lesson with Neville. Neville confessed that his worst fear was Professor Snape, something that didn't embarrass him so much now that the story of Snape in a dress had gone around the whole school two years ago, but it was still a nasty reminder. (Though it felt a little awkward that he was also worried about the boggart turning into his grandmother.)

"There, you see, Severus?" Professor Sinistra said. "If you're a student's worst fear, I think it's clear you're doing something wrong."

"It's not my fault if some students are overly sensitive, Aurora," Snape replied. "Besides, many children's fears are related to school. Indeed, I heard a rumour that Miss Granger's boggart that year changed into Professor McGonagall."

McGonagall scoffed at the notion. "I heard that rumour too, Severus," she said, "and if we must bring it up, I am quite confident that Miss Granger's boggart took the form of failure. Any particular teacher being involved was incidental."

Neville successfully fought off the boggart-Professor Snape by using Riddikulus to dress it in his grandmother's clothes. The students in the Great Hall were naturally eager to hear a recounting of the story that had provided so much entertainment two years ago. Snape, however, looked as murderous as he had when Lupin had been there. Either way, that bit had worked well, but Harry grew nervous when Lupin moved on to the rest of the class.

"The room went quiet. Harry thought…What scared him most in the world?

"His first thought was Lo—ahem—" Sinistra choked on the name "—was Lord Voldemort—a Voldemort returned to full strength. But before he had even started to plan a possible counterattack on a boggart-Voldemort, a horrible image came floating to the surface of his mind.

"A rotting, glistening hand, slithering back beneath a black cloak…a long, rattling breath from an unseen mouth…then a cold so penetrating it felt like drowning…"

"Lucky it wasn't You-Know-Who," said Ron. "That would've really started a panic."

"Yeah…" Harry said. "Maybe. I think a boggart-dementor might've been worse, though."

But Harry didn't get a turn with the boggart at all (nor did Hermione, though that was more happenstance). Instead, Lupin called Parvati up. For her, the boggart turned into a mummy, which she made trip and fall and its head fall off.

Natalie turned to her with a weird expression on her face. "Um, Parvati's that's not really how you make a mummy funny," she said.

"What? What do you mean?" asked Parvati.

"Well, the funny way is to make it spin like a top while its bandages unravel."

"…What?"

Dean's boggart became a crawling severed hand, which found itself caught in a mousetrap.

"See? A severed hand in a mousetrap; that's funny," Natalie confirmed.

"I take it you didn't like The Addams Family?" Hermione asked.

"Ugh, no way," said Dean, shuddering.

Ron's was, perhaps unsurprisingly, an Acromantula, but he had a strange way of dealing with it by removing its legs, causing it to roll around the room.

"Ew!" said Natalie, reaching over and slapping Ron's arm. "A spider without legs isn't funny. It's just gross."

"Oi? How would you do it, then?" Ron protested.

"I don't know? Hogtie it? Put it on roller skates?"

In fact, in apparent contrast to the class in the book, Natalie was fed up by the end of the exercise when Lupin showed his boggart…

("The full moon. Of course," said Lavender. It was known even to the younger students that Lupin was a werewolf—part of the legendarium of Hogwarts Defence Professors.)

…Natalie slapped her hand on the table and said as loudly as she dared, "Okay, a full Moon to a cockroach not only isn't funny; it doesn't even make sense! What is wrong with you people?"

"Well, it takes a lot of magical skill to turn a boggart into something very different," Hermione ventured.

"But that's not the point of the spell! It's supposed to be funny! Come on, Dean, back me up. Have I lost the plot, or are wizards just crazy?"

"Er…" Dean said, looking like a deer in headlamps, "I'm not sure how I should answer that, considering I'm a wizard, and you're a witch."

"Augh! You know what I mean! Half the stuff in that boggart lesson didn't make any sense, and I don't understand wizards' sense of humour."

Dean snorted. "Natalie, do you remember the last book? If that's your biggest problem with the magical world, I think you're in good shape."