CHAPTER EIGHTY-THREE

EVOLUTION

17x05 Conspiracy vs. Theory

"The director wants me to call him. I'm out of time," Emily said sadly. She turned and walked into the interrogation room. She took a slow breath in, steeling herself to face Brian. She let it out. "You're free to go."

He stood immediately and made his way to the door when Emily stopped him.

"Brian?" He paused and looked at her. Emily's voice was tinged with a vulnerability she rarely showed. "I've lost everything because of you. I'm not asking you as an FBI agent. I am asking you as a friend. Help me. Please."

As she pleaded with Brian, Emily couldn't shake the image of JJ's face from her mind. The disappointment, the worry, the anger - all of it weighed heavily on her. She needed answers, not just for her career, but for her family.

Brian stared at her for a beat before leaning in closer. "They gave me four words. 'Teresa is in trouble.'"

Emily's brow furrowed, confusion momentarily overriding her other emotions. "Who is Teresa?"

"I don't know. That's just what they told me to tell you." He began walking towards the door again. Brian paused, his hand on the handle. "Emily?" He started, turning around to face her. "Is this really everything to you?"

He glanced around the interrogation room one last time, before opening the door and leaving. As the door closed behind him, Emily stood alone, Brian's question echoing in her mind. She thought of JJ, of their children, of the life they'd built together. No, this wasn't everything. But with so much slipping through her fingers, she didn't know if she could take another loss. And she feared that losing this might cost her everything else.

"Yes, sir. Understood. I will let Agent Rossi know."

"How bad is it?" David asked from the doorway. He watched as Emily immediately opened the top drawer of her desk and pulled out an ashtray. "Oh, that bad, huh?"

Emily took a cigarette out of a new pack, her fingers trembling slightly. She knew JJ would hate this, but right now, she needed something to calm her nerves. "Restricted duty until he sees fit. The BAU is yours." She lit the cigarette, inhaling deeply and trying to ignore the guilt that came with it.

Dave cringed a little. "Ah, I don't want it."

"We don't have a choice." Emily's voice was resigned. How was she going to explain this to JJ? How would it affect their family? The stress of it all made her take another long drag.

"Hey, you're on the bricks. So what? We both know what that means. It's temporary. You'll be back in the saddle before you know it."

Emily shook her head and took another drag of her cigarette. Dave's optimistic words only making her feel worse. "Dave, this is happening. I need you to step up."

"Emily, I'm - I'm not at my best right now."

Emily scoffed, a bitter laugh escaping her. "Look around. None of us are, me most of all." Emily knew her wife was growing increasingly frustrated with her choices, her behavior. She thought of JJ, of the strain between them - they were certainly not at their best right now either.

"What are you talking about?"

Emily shook her head. She momentarily considered telling Dave everything. But she didn't. "I asked you to assassinate Voit in the field. I might as well have told you he was molesting children." As she said it, Emily felt a wave of shame wash over her. This was never the agent she wanted to be. What would JJ think if she knew how far Emily had been willing to go?

"It's not the same thing. Besides, it didn't happen."

"It doesn't matter!" Emily said back immediately, her voice sharp with self-recrimination. "Ever since I was arrested I have sold out every value I've held dear. And when you do that…" she laughed joylessly, "it gets harder and harder to tell the difference between a conspiracy and a conspiracy theory."

As the words left her mouth, Emily felt the full weight of her actions crashing down on her. The gravity of everything that had happened in the past couple of weeks, every line she'd crossed, hit her all at once. She turned away from Dave, unable to face him.

Her fingers absently traced the fabric of her coat hanging on the back of her office chair, a futile attempt to ground herself. JJ's face flashed in her mind - blue eyes filled with a mixture of love, worry, and disappointment. The thought of potentially losing JJ's trust, of damaging the beautiful life they'd built together, was almost too much to bear.

Dave's soft, tentative hand on her back was all it took. The floodgates opened, and Emily couldn't hold back anymore. She turned and fell into his embrace, her body shaking with quiet sobs.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay," he whispered, rubbing her back soothingly. Dave held her sympathetically. This breakdown was about so much more than Elias Voit or her arrest and he knew it. Only one person had ever been able to make Emily Prentiss this vulnerable, this raw - Jennifer Jareau. And he was humbled as he felt the weight of Emily's love for JJ in every breath.