Chapter 11. June εуλ0001- October εуλ0001

Dear mom and dad, I've managed to get a girlfriend….

Zack felt a little guilty as he sealed the envelope. Here he had been in Midgar over a year, and this was the first letter he had sent back home. You would think with a reactor there, they would be able to get some proper telephone lines in, but no luck. Still, he found himself bursting with the news of Aerith, and he just had to let them know somehow.

A blissful spring had rolled into summer, and he didn't even want to deny that he was in love. He couldn't care less about the other women he'd been with – Aerith was something all her own. He was taking it slow, treating her as gently as she deserved, but sometimes she would surprise him with her flirtatious ways, revealing an innocence not quite as total as he had suspected.

He found himself going down to the slums every chance he could. They'd go different places in Midgar, in the slums, but he yet couldn't convince her to go above the plate. Again, in due time. In any case, it was at the church that she really came alive, and what was once HER spot rapidly became THEIRS.

It was where they shared their first kiss, the one he had been denied on their first date, and it was every bit worth the wait.

He'd come upon her tending the flowers on his second trip back to see her, grateful and ready for that second date. She'd been kneeling down tending the flowers, and suddenly he just couldn't wait.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to her feet and turning her to face him. Cupping her face in his hands, he pressed his lips to hers, simply, sweetly. He felt slender arms snake around his neck and he was standing there, kissing her long and slow and deep, and it was the only place he ever wanted to be in his life.

Kisses and more kisses. The ecstasy of having the one he loved in his arms, her smiles, her eyes, lighting up his days. Talking with her about anything and everything, the subject no more important than were the words to put those ideas in form, hearing the sound of her voice the only thing he needed.

He told her about hopes, dreams, honor, promises, Angeal's words coming up from where they had been scratched into his brain far deeper than he had thought, enough so that the lessons were part of him, now. He talked about his dreams of becoming a hero.

"What do you think that really means?" she asked.

He realized he wanted to be hers.

He found himself considering, reconsidering his values, reminding himself what really counted. Over and over, he came back to the same conclusion. It was the people in his life that were really important, the bonds of life that tied us all together. Slowly, in his head, he started to wonder and reshape his whole concept of what being a hero was; and he realized nothing and no one he had seen so far really filled the definition.

What would be his legacy? What would he leave behind, how would he make a mark, the mementoes of a life?

Aerith gave him part of the answer.

She was a refreshing breeze to fill the space Angeal left behind, helping him to realize: things were always changing. Still, he mourned the fact that he couldn't just sit still and enjoy long moments forever. Instead, he learned to savor and save every little bit of happiness he got, not to take it for granted, for it could all blow away.

She had a slow, lazy sensuality about her, twists of pale female skin driving him mad with frustrated lust, dying to immerse himself in her absolutely. She was young, tender. He hesitated to cross the border for anything less than mutual. He could wait.

For her, he would wait.

His dick was crying out with lack of use, but he gritted his teeth and sought relief with one hand. His head filled with imaginings of her, seeing and touching her naked body, his mind filling in all the gaps of anticipation. But he wanted her desire as well; he wanted her to be comfortable, secure.

Because, he realized, he actually was looking for lasting love. Eventually she'd be willing to come up to the plate with him… and that could be the start. He pulled a decent salary, and had so little to spend it on that he put most of it aside. He started to think about the different privileges he had access to. Priority housing. Shinra medical care.

Things that had never mattered to him before were starting to make a difference to him.

Zack was surprised to find out she often stayed late at the church, even overnight, but as Aerith explained, her mother knew this was the safest place in the neighborhood. The peace and calm of the space infected him as well, and he found himself perfectly content to spend nights there with her, kissing her amongst the flowers. Her slender body, trim but not frail, like the flowers themselves far more resilient than she looked, as he'd enclose her in his arms, conforming her shape to his, she melting against him like candle wax.

Kissing soft, languorous, deeper as his hands traveled over her back to bury fingertips in silken strands. The comparison to flowers was inevitable. Lips, petal soft against his tougher skin. Her scent and taste, something fragrant yet base all rolled into one. A heady blend that filled his nostrils, sending shocks straight to his groin, leaving him uncomfortably hard and embarrassed that she would be able to tell; but she took him by surprise the first time she gently pulled their bodies closer together, she completely unashamed of his apparent arousal.

Oh, goddess….

"Tell me what life in the slums is like," he urged her.

"I don't know if there is much to tell that you haven't already seen," she told him, as his lips brushed her hairline. "People survive as best they can around here. We look out for each other here."

Zack thought about that. He'd been so excited to come to Midgar and be a part of SOLDIER – and in many ways, still was – but Shinra could be very… sterile. It was the disillusionment that had come with the loss of Angeal, his increasing suspicion at what he had signed on for. He never wanted to lose his heart, a heart now filled with Aerith, her love spurring him with strength even in battle, as if she were there to whisper good luck.

He'd ingrained Angeal's lessons even as Angeal himself had seemed to forget them. Was it naïve of him to wish that Angeal was still there to help guide him? Or was it now his fate to guide himself? Lead instead of follow, pay those lessons forward to someone else. The boy inside just wanted someone to give him answers, but the man knew they were within. Angeal's final, inadvertent lesson.

It was too late. Like it or not, he was all grown up.

Elmyra was uncertain. Aerith didn't remember enough of Shinra to tell her everything that had happened before, but the nights as a child Aerith had woken up screaming were enough to tell her perhaps some things were better left unremembered.

Aerith still had those nightmares. They just didn't make her scream anymore.

But one day Aerith had come home with a sparkle in her eye and a pink ribbon in her hair, and that was all a mother needed to see to know she know had to share her daughter's heart with another. For Aerith's sake, she was willing to give even a man from Shinra a chance.

Then Aerith brought home Zack Fair, and she couldn't help but be charmed.

He had the sort of good looks that could completely ruin a man, if he didn't seem so oblivious to them. Good-natured. Polite. Kind. And clearly besotted with her daughter. It was a pleasure to see. Over the course of dinner , she learned about his hometown (Gongaga), parents (alive, only child), hobbies (squats, motorcycles – eh, she could live with that), and job prospects (enough for her to be reassured that he could give Aerith security).

He certainly seemed destined for a career with SOLDIER; it sounded like he had earned his place. How would that connect to Shinra's interests in Aerith? Maybe he could protect her from the inside… She would have asked Tseng that question, had she dared to bring it up. She flashed back to Tseng's strange offer. The Turks still watched over Aerith, but as long as they didn't trouble her further than that, she supposed they did more good than harm.

Eventually, Aerith would have to go her own way. She was prepared to deal with men… sexually -even in her own head, Elmyra had a hard time thinking of that word in conjunction with his daughter – but like every other girl in Midgar, Elmyra had made sure Aerith had what she needed.

Aerith hummed sweetly as mother and daughter washed and dried the dishes, Zack having left with a polite "Good night, Ms. Gainsborough."

"So what do you think about him, Mom?"

Elmyra was hesitant. How could she describe everything a mother wondered and worried, when it came to a daughter in love? The things she wanted for Aerith… everything that one man could never hope to fill. Still…. She had been a wife once as well, to a man who did all that any one man could do – just try his best. "I just want to see you happy," she told her daughter, not without a hint of warning. "I don't want to see you get hurt."

"Zack would never hurt me," Aerith insisted.

Aerith believed that with every fiber of her being. Zack didn't have a devious bone in his body. It made her regret the secrets she herself kept from him, the secrets of her connection to Shinra – she hadn't even so much as told him Elmyra wasn't her real mother.

She couldn't bear to bring those painful memories into the sunshine of first love. Despite his aspirations within Shinra, Zack was… pure. He wasn't one of THEM, not truly. Not inside her heart.

Tseng was still around, omnipresent eyes betraying nothing of what he felt about the relationship. She wondered how her eagle-eyed protector felt, his role usurped by another; she thought back to his strange proposal, realizing there must have been more behind it than had been apparent. More than he was permitted to tell her. Whatever strange machinations Shinra had in mind for her.

She shivered. She never wanted to go back to the lab that made her mother suffer and die.

She 'd rather die herself first.

Zack made her feel safe, in more ways than one. She'd been so hesitant upon finding out that he was part of that monster corporation, and she didn't want to put a damper on his enthusiasm, tell him the cruelties Shinra was capable of. But he was a First Class, that should count for something, right? Could he really protect her, keep her safe? And if not... Maybe they could leave Midgar. Run away. Find a place for just the two of them, if there was any place free of Shinra, a place where they could be free. If only her Cetra heritage wouldn't follow her wherever they went.

She wanted to hang on to what she had found, hoping dearly they weren't doomed from the start.

It was only at the church with him that she felt truly able to breathe, warm washes of the Lifestream simmering under the building's surface, the flowers helping to cradle her in the embrace of the Planet. And when Zack was with her there, kissing, touching her with the greatest of care, the earth beneath hummed its approval of love.

It was there that he first told her he loved her.

He'd left her once again breathless with kisses, lips swollen from his attentions. It was the darkest hours of the night; but the cracks in the plate that allowed bent rays of the sun showed nothing of stars. Distant echoes of Midgar's artificial lights gave their only pretense at moonlight, no skyline to be seen.

Aerith didn't care. All the light she needed was right there with her.

He propped himself up and looked deep into her eyes, radiant mako meeting her own glow. "Aerith… there's something I wanted to tell you."

"Oh?" she asked, intrigued.

He hung his head. "The thing is, uh… I've never actually said this to anyone before." He took a deep breath. "Ok. Here goes nothing."

His eyes sparkled blue, so blue. Her light. "Aerith. I love you."

There it was. Simple, direct, honest. So much like the man himself, the man who was her darling.

And she gave her response with kisses upon kisses, as the limited sun broke through into morning…

Miles from civilization, and the copter was a burning mash. Tseng had radioed for another, but who knows how long that might be. In the meantime, Zack was far too antsy and impatient. There was nothing to do but start walking.

Tseng. Where did the man's loyalties lie? Zack was still irked at his refusal to explain his relationship to Aerith; it made him uneasy. He didn't want Aerith connected to Shinra, wanted to keep his heart separate from the alienation, isolation he was starting to feel.

He'd been so lost in his thoughts that he'd barely noticed the lone infantryman beside him, who had kept up all the way from the wreckage site. Even lacking mako enhancements, he had matched Zack stride for stride, never breaking pace.

"That's some stamina you've got there," he commented.

"I'm used to the mountains. Cold doesn't bother me much either," the trooper told him.

"Oh?" Zack wondered. "Where are you from?"

"Someplace you've probably never heard of… Nibelheim." The other man removed his helmet, revealing a shock of bright blonde hair, a spiky mess that pointed every which way. Guy probably could use a haircut, but hey, it kind of suited him. "I'm Cloud," he said, smiling.

"Cloud, huh,? I'm Zack. Nice to meet you." Zack rubbed his chin. "I've heard of Nibelheim."

Nibelheim .Yet another backwater with a reactor and not much else. Cold where Gongaga was hot, and – well, that was all he really knew about it.

Cloud looked at Zack in surprise. "What for? There isn't much of anything out there."

"There's a reactor there," Zack told him. "Same as where I'm from – Gongaga. Some of these towns, the reactor is the only thing that puts them on the map, you know?

Cloud paused. "I guess I've never really thought about it. The reactor has just always kind of been there."

"Well, I can definitely see you're used to the terrain. The way you booked it up that hill… you'd think you were trying out for SOLDIER or something."

He'd only been teasing, but Cloud looked suddenly mortified. "I… did try out. I… sortofdidn'tpass," he explained awkwardly.

Zack looked him over, appraising. "Why? You certainly seem to be physically fit enough."

"They told me it was the mental exam," Cloud mumbled. "They didn't explain why."

"Did you ask your friends for help with that?" Zack wondered. "They got your back there? That can make a big difference."

"I… don't really have many friends," Cloud reluctantly admitted.

Ah. That explained a lot. "Parents?" Zack asked.

"Mom only," Cloud replied. "I never knew my dad."

Zack's heart went out to the guy. He seemed… bereft… in a way. That's why they'd failed him on the mental exam. Wouldn't be able to handle the emotional pressure of the mako, as he understood things. He couldn't see any real reason, though, why Cloud was so… disconnected. He wasn't shy, wasn't timid, even if more laconic than Zack himself.

Maybe he just needed someone to give him a chance.

"Is that your goal then?" Zack asked. "Get into SOLDIER?"

For a moment Cloud looked far away. "I came to Midgar wanting… to be a hero," he finally said. "I promised someone."

A sentiment Zack certainly understood.

They reached the top of the hill and paused to wait for Tseng. Cloud was a little confused. The first time he had met a SOLDIER – First Class no less! - and he was… NOT… what Cloud had expected. He was approachable. Friendly, even. As if their difference in ranks meant nothing. And he seemed to like Cloud just fine – Cloud just kind of wasn't used to having people LIKE him, he'd gotten so used to being without friends.

"IF I can join…" Cloud continued, but Zack interrupted. "No, WHEN you join." Zack sighed. "Look, dude, the mako transfusions are tough. They won't take you if you can't handle it. I got in easy, but you'll get there – you just gotta give it time."

Cloud silenced, pondering.

"Well, we're both country bumpkins, so I guess that means we've got to stick together." Zack laughed, and Cloud laughed right along with him. "Nice to have a buddy along on this ride."

Zack considered the young man. He could see a lot of himself in Cloud – parts of himself he had started to wonder if he was losing out of necessity. It was the same sort of softspoken innocence he associated with Aerith, even if lacking in her bright flirtatious ways - the same sort of feeling he got when he was with her, that everything could still be fresh and new. A feeling that had been in short supply since Angeal's loss.

He had it in him. He had the heart. The physical strength – Zack had him beat by a mile, but he could see the potential – anyways, there were the mako injections. But really, what was physical strength? A means to an end. Dreams, honor… those were the lessons Angeal had pounded into him, he being sick of hearing it.

Boy, he wished Angeal were there to lecture him now…

But really, what it came down to was this. You needed people to care for. Something, someone to fight for.

Then Tseng came up and suddenly, as Cloud watched, Zack was all SOLDIER. Focused. Dangerous. "Well, Cloud, guess you're about to see some of how it's done."

"Remember, we are supposed to avoid conflict," Tseng cautioned.

"Relax. Aren't I always careful?" Zack asked, brazen confidence and charm rolled into one.

Tseng just looked at him. "No."

Zack laughed; even Cloud grinned. "Well, fair enough. See ya!" - and he was bounding down the slope for whatever awaited him.

Cloud rose and turned to look at Tseng. "Is he always like this?"

"In a word, yes." Tseng sighed. "He's one of the best. I admit that reluctantly."

"Huh." Cloud grunted. "So what do we do now?"

"We follow," Tseng said, readying his gun.

Cloud unslung his rifle, poised and ready. Tseng recalled a note in his file, the file he'd checked before embarking on this mission, examining the personnel he would be working with. Subject shows unexpected proficiency with a sword, considering lack of training. Cloud looked around warily, and Tseng recalled another note. Subject acts in line with his values and beliefs over taking orders. Shows intelligence and initiative. For this reason, it is believed he is unsuitable for the regular army. Subject's stated goal is to make it into SOLDIER, but should he fail the next round of examinations, it may be advisable to consider subject for Turk membership.

Signed, Shuriken, June 28, 0001.

Even as they fought their way together through the building, Tseng coolly took stock of the young trooper, with one eye towards Shuriken's observations. So far, he seemed to be proving true. He'd seen it already on the hill, Cloud taking out a griffon behind Zack without missing a beat.

A commotion rustled overhead, and both their head snapped up as one.

"What was that,?" Cloud asked.

"Probably Zack," Tseng replied.

Cloud strode forward, determined. "I'm going to check. Cover me?" He looked to Tseng for the nod of confirmation.

"Use caution," Tseng warned him, and Cloud was running up the stairs.

Zack swiped Genesis's sword away from Hollander's neck, the scientist taking his chance to run. But before he escaped, he was grabbed from behind, wrestled still with more strength than Zack would have imagined Cloud possessed. You never could tell with these little guys sometimes…

"Good work, Cloud!" Zack shouted, just as in that instant their target broke free. Suddenly uncertain , Cloud looked to Zack, and with a jerk of his head Zack gave the silent command. After him.

Cloud was off and running in an instant.

Tseng melted into the shadows as Hollander came barreling downstairs, only stepping out when Cloud came careening from behind him. A nod, joining the pursuit. They crunched into the snow outside, a whisk of a coat being their sign to follow, chasing Hollander through the cold empty city to an abandoned bathhouse on the far end. Stealthy, they crept inside, alert for anything amiss.

Tseng barely had time to register before he was attacked.

Angeal…

Zack gaped in astonishment at the depths into which Genesis had leapt. Did he really just… no matter. If Genesis was gone, there was one less problem to deal with, but a bigger one still remained.

Angeal must be here too.

Had Cloud and Tseng had run into him… ?

They wouldn't stand a chance.

He was running, running through the village, following the fresh footprints that led into the abandoned village, stopping before a decrepit bathhouse, walls crumbled and open to the sky.

Somehow, he knew, even before he saw..

Cloud. Crumpled to the ground, and Zack felt responsible.

"Hey! Cloud! Talk to me!" he begged, but before panic set in, Cloud stumbled half standing, plopping down again with a sigh. Tseng. The other man was not in much better shape…

"Find Angeal," Tseng said.

"Stay here," Zack cautioned. "This is for me to face alone."

Tseng gazed at Zack's fleeing back. He'd never been on several missions with Zack Fair, but he'd never seen murder in the other man's eyes.

Zack flew up the stairs… for better or for worse, ready to greet his old mentor at the top..

"Angeal." Zack pleaded. "This is your last chance, I'm begging you. This time we'll have to fight."

Angeal stared him down. "Only one of use is leaving here alive. Which one do you think it should be?" His look was piercing, knowing. "You have someone waiting for you, don't you?"

So it comes to this. Zack braced himself…

…the next moment his emotions allowed him to feel, he was leaning over his old mentor's body.

Angeal, degraded, decrepit. Dying. By his hand. "Thank you, Zack," he said, with all the dignity Zack had come to associate with the man. "There's nothing left for me. I'm relieved to have it over."

Zack flashed to a boy downstairs, new to honor and dreams, while his mentor was here, jaded and giving up.

If Angeal had been the question… maybe Cloud was the answer.

Blood dripped forward, and Zack reached up to his face. He vaguely remembered the slash that had swiped his face, inside the void he registering neither pain nor injury.

Angeal's failing body took hold of the Buster Sword, his strength visibly weakening by the second. "My dreams, my honor – I've lost them, but perhaps you can make them real." As Zack took hold of the hilt, Angeal closed his eyes and exhaled his last breath.

Zack leaned forward over his beloved friend's body, pain lacing through and through. He barely heard Tseng and Cloud come up the stairs as he started to cry without restraint.

The other men waited, a long moment, as Zack let out his pain. "The new copter's here, Tseng finally said, quietly.

Zack nodded, and rose, numb inside.

They clambered in, Zack facing the two other men. He pulled out a Cure from his pocket.

"Are you going to heal that scar?" Tseng asked.

Zack looked at the materia, grim. "No. I'm keeping it." Cloud looked at him with pained sympathy, layered over the faint hints of motion sickness coming in.

Wishes did come true. Just never in the way you wanted.

Zack reflected on the casual optimism he'd borne into Modeoheim. Happy endings hoped for. But no, there was a part of innocence shattered, a part that he would never get back…

Cloud, still untainted. SOLDIER would beat that out of him, Zack thought bitterly. Cloud might want to be SOLDIER, but… part of Zack didn't want him to make it. Somewhere, someone should have a chance at peace. Zack suspected that was gone for him.

He could try to hold onto his own honor. That could never be taken away; it was locked too deep in his heart. All he could do now was pay his debt forward. There was no going back… not after what he had done.

The image of Angeal, degraded, a shadow in his last moments. Unconsciously, he reached for the sword at his back. Never again. Never again would he let someone close to him die… not while he was alive to do something about it. The sword… given to him at the cost of Angeal's life and soul…

They hit the tarmac; Tseng left to report. Zack and Cloud were left standing alone. On a hunch…

He was surprised to find out Cloud could lift Angeal's sword. It couldn't be just a matter of strength. What was it that gave Cloud his drive, his motivation? He tried to teach Cloud a few moves. Some were still amateur, but the skill was already there, the understanding. Soon enough, Cloud would get there. He would get there.

As he slapped the sword onto his own back, Cloud looked at him with undisguised admiration. The way he'd once looked at Angeal, even Genesis… "Chill out, buddy," he told Cloud, uncomfortable. "Hey, I'm just a regular guy. Don't let the Mako eyes tell you otherwise."

Cloud nodded, unconvincingly. Still, it was enough. Zack walked with Cloud back to the main barracks, trudging, quiet. His mind was already elsewhere. He passed Cloud his PHS number, with a distracted "Call me anytime," and turned to go.

"Where are you off to?" Cloud asked. He sounded worried.

Angeal's words echoed in his head. "Someone's waiting for me," he stopped, speaking behind him, already moving forward.

Aerith. Cloud. New connections, new responsibilities. Obligations to others. Angeal might be gone, but his lessons remained…

Zack was the mentor now. He wasn't ready, but there it was.

The church came into view all too soon; the walk hadn't been long enough for him to take in all that had happened. Aerith was his light, innocence, purity; Zack was damaged goods. He didn't feel ready to face his angel…

But she was the only person in the world he wanted to see right now.

Here he was, the same spot where he had been called to Modeoheim. Déjà vu, he the same, yet so different from before.

He wondered if Aerith would be able to tell.

He wondered if she was here.

The sun caught her as he entered; his heart reached for her. She rose at his entry. "Zack!" she cried out, happily. Then she noticed. "You have a new sword. How did you get that?"

Zack's knees buckled under him, and as he plopped to the floor, right in the middle of the aisle, tears would wait no longer.

Her heart broke. She wanted to bring him to the flowers, to life, to the spot where the Lifestream could reach up to heal a wounded soul.

She stared above. Her brave protector, capable of so much emotion, so much love. It had changed her mind about so much.

"Zack," she said softly. "I want to see the sky."

His sobs continued, unabated. She had to bring love to him. Kneeling behind him, she wrapped her arms around him, squeezing tight with everything she felt for him; and slowly tears started to dry.

He turned, and kisses replaced tears as he returned her embrace.

He kissed her without flirtation, without hunger, but poignant tenderness that she felt inside her soul, her handsome SOLDIER stronger than he knew.

He scooped her bridal style, picking up her slight form like nothing, and as he carried her down the aisle of the church, she covered his lips and eyes with whispered kisses.

She didn't stop when he lay her down in the flowers. And she didn't stop when his hands slid up her body, wiping away gossamer fabric to sweep it over her head and throwing it to the side. And she didn't stop when he removed the ribbon he'd bought for her, shaking out her curls and arranging them in a fan over the blooms. And then she just didn't stop…