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Trigger warning – suicide discussions, and I don't own anything.

Emily and Derek looked immediately concerned and took a seat on the couch across from the two blondes.

"What do you mean we need to talk? Is everything okay? What happened?"

Derek asked while looking at Garcia.

Penelope had been trying hard to cope with the words that JJ had uttered not that long ago. She didn't want to yell at her. She didn't want to make JJ feel bad. But she also was not going to pretend that it hadn't shaken her to her core.

Penelope kept thinking of all the progress that JJ had been making. She had been happier, hadn't she? Wasn't the significant and consistent improvement helping? Was she not doing enough? Or was she doing too much again? Was it something that she did or didn't do?

Her mind had been spinning with all the different options and she couldn't keep it in.

"I don't... I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I thought we were doing a good job. I thought it was going okay. But... I, I guess not."

JJ was not okay right now. She was rocking back and forward and refusing to look up. 'Shit, shit, shit.' Penelope was not the person she should have said that to. She shouldn't have said that to anyone. She should have kept it inside and avoided the whole topic.

But Penelope had worn her down, and it just slipped out.

And because that had happened, she was going to have to deal with the consequences of her own actions.

But that didn't mean that she had to like it. Or be okay with any of it.

Emily and Derek continued to sit in confusion but had a suspicion that JJ had said something that had tipped Garcia past breaking point.

Not that Emily or JJ knew, but Garcia and Morgan were having a very difficult time. They had been in care mode full time for weeks and weeks. They weren't mad or upset about it. They loved their friends who were also their family. And they would start the process again in a heartbeat if they had to.

But the moods of the two injured people in the house really impacted the moods and feelings of those who weren't injured. If they were honest with themselves, it wasn't really Emily. They knew that in their hearts. It was JJ. Her moods were up and down quicker than a rollercoaster at a theme park.

The term 'human version of whiplash' had been coined earlier in the days of her recovery, and it had been apparent that the term was very fitting.

It was okay that JJ was up and down. She was allowed to be. And they weren't mad at her for it.

But when you are exposed to the whiplash on a daily basis, it starts to have an impact on you too. Your brain doesn't work quite as well, quite as quickly, because you are worried about the next emotional attack.

Derek and Penelope had started having nightly debriefs after about the third day of JJ biting their heads off.

They loved her, they did, but the toll was real. Penelope never cried in front of Emily or JJ. But she cried almost nightly into Derek's shoulder. Talking about how bad she felt, how she could have changed her actions to make the day go by easier. Derek consoled her, and talked about what he wished was different as well. But the reality is, no matter what they had done, something would have gone wrong.

Penelope had talked to Derek about seeing the FBI therapist to try and get some coping strategies in place. She even considered taking a day or two away for her own mental health.

Derek was in full support of it, but every time she considered it, she reverted back to just 'being fine' when she needed to help JJ out with something simple.

Penelope was always thinking of her friends and never of herself. Derek thought that it was going to come to a head but didn't think it would be so soon. But looking at the situation in front of him, he thought that it had just happened.

Emily stayed still, and silent as she watched Derek walk over to Pen and put his arms around her in a big bear hug. "It's okay Pen, whatever happened it's going to be okay."

Garcia started to cry a little in his arms and the whole room just listened to her sobs.

...

A short while later, Penelope stopped and looked at JJ to find her in the same position as when she last looked. Rocking back and forth head down.

"Are you going to be okay Penelope?" Emily asked.

Garcia nodded her head; firm resolve now back in her eyes. "Yes I am. But JJ is not okay. And I am seriously concerned." Penelope turned to JJ, and very clearly and slowly spoke to the overwhelmed woman. "JJ, I love you. But I cannot handle what you told me alone. I am not okay with it, I need support so that you can get the right help." Garcia stood up and went to sit on the floor in front of her friend.

Looking up at JJ and trying to get some form of acknowledgement from her she started to talk.

"JJ, I know that you don't want to hear this. I know that you wish you could take it all back, but you can't. So you need to deal with the situation you're now in. It might feel like tough love, and maybe it is, but you are too important to me, to us for me not to take what you said seriously."

Penelope started to well up again. "Do you know how distraught we would all be if something happened to you, and we didn't try and stop it? I know that I would struggle to keep going. And that's not fair on me or anyone else here."

Garcia tried to gauge the woman, and decided it was likely safe enough to put her hand on one leg very gently. Pen did so and JJ stopped rocking, but still wouldn't make eye contact.

Emily and Derek had been sharing eye contact and they both felt something bad was about to happen.

"JJ, if you don't tell them what you said then I'm going to have to. To be clear, I'm not trying to take all your power away. I am trying to give you a choice. But if you don't tell them then I will."

JJ froze in her body and her mind was going too fast trying to play out all the possible outcomes. 'That's it. I'm done. They're going to hate me and I'm never going to get them back.'

JJ couldn't stop it but didn't want to talk right now either. So, she just shook her head at Penelope.

"Okay Jayje, I'll do."

Penelope turned to look at her friends and took a deep breath, tears still in the corners of her eyes. "JJ... JJ and I were talking before. And she was upset. She is struggling with all the uncertainty in life and in her recovery right now. And she told me that... that... she wished she was dead. Because that's where she thinks she'd be better off."

That hit Prentiss and Morgan like a knife to the heart. The two had had a really good conversation in the car, and now that rug had been pulled out from under them.

Penelope looked back at JJ "I'm sorry sweetie. But I had to tell them. If you are actively suicidal then we need more help. You need more help. And I need people to help me get it for you."

JJ was frustrated. She was annoyed. She looked up and then at each of them individually before looking back to Penelope. "You're overreacting, it's not that bad. I'm fine... really."

But as she looked back at them none of them were buying it.

O/o

JJ was left sitting in the lounge and the other three were huddled in the kitchen. There had been hushed arguments about what the best way to handle this was. But the final agreement was that they need to 1. determine if she was safe to stay at the house and 2. figure out when she could get into therapy and then 3. see if doctors or the shrink would think that meds could help balance out her moods.

But the biggest think right now, was getting JJ to talk and see if she was safe.

The three came back into the lounge and saw JJ looking up at them after hearing the footsteps.

JJ was frustrated, the looks of pity across their face made her want to slap them.

But then on the other hand, the reason they were all in this situation was because of what she said. So, she was really the one that needed to be slapped.

She was a professional, and she knew what happened when you made this kind of declaration. She had seen suspects that hadn't been in their right minds. And when they said a few choice trigger words, there was immediate action in regard to their personal safety.

Now that's what her friends were doing for her.

They came and sat down. Close enough that they could all be in arms distance, but also not right up against her either.

"JJ we need you to talk to us." Morgan started off the conversation, then Emily continued.

"And you know why. You've been there when we have made to make decisions for other people because they were not in an okay or safe space. So we need you to talk. Explain it to us so we can understand you and what you're feeling." Emily reached out for the blonde's hand before continuing. "Because our biggest concern right now is that you are safe and looked after. And we will do whatever we need to make that happen."

JJ's brow furrowed and she went to speak. But then stopped before any words came out.

These people were profilers. They would call her bluff if she wasn't honest with them, and she knew that. So honesty then. Honesty is the best policy even if it really, really freaking sucks.

"I... I didn't mean what I said to Penelope." JJ looked up and the faces told her there was a lack of belief in that sentence. "I mean... like, I did mean what I said. I'm frustrated, and angry and... and scared. So much of the time. And sometimes I think it would be better for everyone if I just wasn't here. Then you wouldn't have to deal with me being like... like, like this."

Penelope was about the interrupt, but Emily stopped her.

"Guys, I'm safe. Like, I'm not actively going to hurt myself. I need you guys to know that. I really, really am not." JJ looked at them, showing her as much of her soul as she could handle showing. Then she continued "I'm just really struggling, and I don't know how to make it better. No one can and I a, just feeling so stuck.

The three looked at each other and felt some relief, but one firm resolve stayed. Morgan decided to take lead. "Okay JJ. That's okay. But I'm sure that you can understand this is really hard for us to hear. You are so important to us... and the thought of anything happening is unbearable. So we will keep you here, with us, but with one change."

JJ looked at him. "We can get you into the see the therapist tomorrow. And you will be going."

JJ was about to come back with a retort and then looked at all their faces. This was a non-negotiable, she could tell.

So, she just nodded as she started to cry.

The trio around her felt their hearts start to pang with guilt and sadness. But no matter what, they knew this was the best call for her. So they let that feeling stay in their chests as the all moved towards JJ to comfort her the best way that they could.

Hello, it has been a long time since I updated. I have had a significant head injury, and it's taken and is still taking years to recover. I read this to try and remember what I was like ten years ago when I started all this. I really want to finish this, and I hope that my life experience will help give some depth to JJ's recovery and maybe help my own too.

Please let me know what you think. I'm a different person to the one who start this, but I'm hoping to do younger me some justice and get this finished.