They couldn't go to a doctor.

Why the fuck couldn't they go to a doctor?! Well because Ryuji was Yamazaki and Yamazaki was Yakuza and doctors asked too many questions. Another horrible reminder of the truth behind the person Rock loved the most. When everything had gone so well, when life felt so good, this just had to happen. Was there no goddamn end to this?

Not for now. Not now. Maybe never.

This time, it had been fortuitous that Yamazaki had called when he had because it gave Rock space to take him back home to the abode and care for the wounds there. He would be the first one to admit that he had been scared shitless the entire trip and, fighting with himself to not have a panic attack.

Even now, his hands were still shaking something fierce, still haunted by the memory of the situation's gravity. Yamazaki had been unnaturally pale, cold, and clammy to the touch, barely lucid, almost incoherent. He had lost so much damn blood that Kim ended up flooring it once they neared South Town when Rock vocalized weird noises in fear of him bleeding out. And then it came; the fury that seethed in Rock over the situation.

It had subsided temporarily when he initially saw the state of Yamazaki, raced to get him someplace warm, dragged him through the gate, dumped him on the bed, soaking the sheets with blood, stripping him to his briefs, and pulled out each bullet from his flesh with forceps. Another panic attack had loomed on the horizon when Rock had seen the rest of the older man's body; the frightening bruises and the mark on his chest to accompany the scar. Only when he was certain that Yamazaki would be okay somewhat, did he relax – only to get angry again.

Now, when Rock sat in by the dinner table, staring at the open door to the bedroom, clutching a cup of warm pre-made latte, did he feel furiously unhappy. Almost overcome with the urge to ply a certain someone for answers on what in the fuck he was thinking when he had promised to be careful. Dumbass nearly got himself killed. What the hell? Rock got up from the chair and headed for the bedroom.

Yamazaki was awake now, turning his gaze to the young man who stood in the doorway. It was the only part of him that moved, as he otherwise lay still like a corpse. At least, he had gotten some colors to his face again. Rock was still angry, but he also cared for and about the stupid jerk, kneeling in front of him and staring into his glossy, hazy eyes.

Rock had to remind himself that he was still furious.

"It fuckin' hurts," Yamazaki groaned under the comfort of the blanket and closed his eyes, seemingly drifting in and out of consciousness.

"I'll bring the painkillers. Don't pass out on me," Rock stood up, then stunned by Yamazaki uttering his name, opening his eyes again.

This time, he was staring at the ceiling. "…Sorry, Rock."

It sounded alien coming from him. He tended to be so unapologetic it didn't sound right, yet it was very effective in dismantling whatever defenses Rock had put up. He swallowed, scurried out of the room to fetch some water and a bottle of pills, returned with them, and put them on the nightstand. This time, Yamazaki looked at him, still stunned, probably regretful, but above all else grateful, thankfully compliant with the assistance to take the pill and water.

"You could have died…you lost so much blood. What the fuck?" the obvious came from Rock, anger just barely tempered by worry. Still hurt from the breach of the promise made to him.

Momentarily, he thought of the encounter with Freeman; if similar feelings had been experienced by Yamazaki in the discourse that followed afterward. God, he was so stupid. The thought of what could have happened if he hadn't picked up that phone call terrified him. It had frightened him enough to crawl into the bed and sit close to Yamazaki, brushing a hand over the top of his head.

Rock would get an answer, but he couldn't bring himself to press the issue right now. Cold, pricking fear caused him to tremble, caused his breath to hitch. Weak and pathetic like so many times before. The fact that he wasn't crippled with the grief of losing someone yet again was nothing short of a bloody miracle. For now, he would just enjoy this quiet reverie and let the anxiety pass.

Something resembling a chuckle came from Yamazaki as he spoke, quietly but cohesively. "Heh, good thing I got you as a guardian angel."

The vocal fry in his voice was apparent but Rock ignored it, snorting at his compliment. They sat there that morning, while the weather outside cleared. At some point, Rock had positioned himself with Yamazaki's head in his lap, still stroking his hair.

"I'm sorry…" he murmured.

"…What for?"

Rock couldn't stop himself from letting out a trembling sigh, his composure ebbing again. "I don't fucking know…I should have gone with you."

"Don't be stupid, wolfy," Yamazaki shrugged or tried to but winced, eyes fluttering to stay awake. "It was a setup. Got some unexpected guests."

Rock swallowed, feeling his anger morph. By complete coincidence, his fingers brushed against a cool forehead, resting on its hairline. Yamazaki had been quite dirty when he was found; stained with blood, mud, and water. He no longer smelled of death and gunfire, just human male. He'd probably appreciate a proper shower when he could move on his own.

Until then, Rock would have to wash him, a thought that made him blush a bit.

But dammit, he'd do it no questions asked. Moments later, he had gone still in Rock's embrace and passed out again just as there was a knock on the door. Leaving his side almost felt criminal but he forced himself to move, swinging the door open to Kim's face staring back at him.

"How is he?"

"Sleeping."

Nodding, Kim grabbed Rock by the shoulder and urged him outside through slight resistance to the courtyard. Sitting by the tree were Myeng Swuk, May Lee, Jhun, Chang, and Choi. Everyone looking tired but burning for some news. Swallowing, Rock lifted his hands a bit and noted that they had not stopped shaking.

"He's…alive," that was the best he could do while collective relief washed over the group.

Nodded ever so thoughtfully, Jhun pinched a tip of his hair. "Don't be so hard on yourself. It's always difficult to watch someone you care about in pain."

Rock swallowed, not even with enough power to be angry anymore, not despairing. Just…exhausted. "I just relived how much. Sorry. It's not fair to you guys."

"It's okay," said Kim. "I get that sometimes, things just happen. I can only imagine what occurred but more importantly, I don't think I'd want him to die alone in some parking lot."

"It's never been like this before. He's come back with injuries but nothing like this…"

Kim hummed ponderously, grabbing his chin. "And with no doctors, that means a long recovery. Although I might know someone who can help…"

Receiving a slightly distraught look from Rock, he continued. "Don't worry, he's not going to snoop."

Hearing of the news, Rock's breath caught in his chest, at the various implications.

For the first two days, Rock was vigilant, watching over the resting Yamazaki, alternating between checking his progress and having bouts of dreamless naps when his body couldn't stay awake anymore. His stomach was tied in so many knots, he couldn't find it within him to eat or rest properly and it got so bad that Myeng Swuk had to step in and eventually persuade him to a nap in the main house after a tiny meal fit for a bird.

An hour later, he woke up from a dream he couldn't remember and went back to the abode to find Myeng Swuk standing in the kitchen. Rock wasn't in the mood for food but knew he had to eat so he accepted the cup of beef bone soup she brought to him while he sat on the bed. Whether it was from the smell or the noise, Yamazaki resurfaced to a cup of broth ready for him that went to Rock so he could help with the feeding. About midway through, Yamazaki turned his head and Rock moved the cup away, dapping his lips clean.

They sat while a long pause stretched between them, just as long as it took for their eyes to finally meet.

"I'm so happy you're alive," Rock said quietly, reaching up to trace Yamazaki's untidy hair back off his forehead, then rubbing a thumb over the shape of his jaw.

"I fucked up huh, wolfy? Got the lot of you riled up…" Yamazaki's eyes flicked in the direction of the window and the voices that came from outside.

"Don't worry," promised Rock, reaching down to lace their fingers, and brushing his thumb over the older man's knuckles. "They're just relieved you're still breathing."

"You look like shit by the way," were the words that'd break the second pause and Yamazaki was undoubtedly correct. But as long as he'd be okay, Rock would be fine, more than willing to pay the price.

"…Sorry, Rock," the older man murmured after a short pause, hands held very still in his, closing his eyes. Swallowing hard, Rock let go to cup his face gently.

"Apology accepted this time. What happened?"

"Ambush. Xanadu goons. I don't know where he fits into this. Someone didn't want the job done or they wanted me dead."

A shiver ran down Rock's spine. He had just imagined that a hypothetical death would come from a job gone wrong but never bothered to consider an outright ambush. And certainly not Xanadu. It was terrifying to think that in some alternative universe, Yamazaki had died and Rock could sit here in deep grief.

"…You're…too good for…" Yamazaki mumbled into the quiet. For a moment, Rock was thoroughly confused about what he meant but the bitter expression on his face implied something wounded. His hand twitched, then stilled as he looked as if he wanted to say something more. But Rock didn't let him.

He put a finger over his lips, nothing their dryness. "Shh. Don't think about that now."

Yamazaki looked up at him, vaguely baffled, and then he sighed, closing his eyes. Something resembling a smirk edged on his face and he accepted a little more broth, just enough to finish his lunch, and drift back to sleep without issue. Determining that it was safe enough to leave him for a moment, Rock took the mugs to the kitchen and washed them in the sink with soap and a brush. There was a note on the counter from Myeng Swuk about the rest of the soup and broth being in the fridge. Outside, he spotted Kim trudging across the courtyard with a tire tied about his hips, followed by a few pupils of his with the kids watching in awe at their father's prowess.

It must have been great to have a father that you could be proud of.

A knock on the door caused Rock to turn his head and he saw Myeng Swuk come back with a medkit, smiling like the sun was bright.

"Ah…you're working so hard…thank you…" Rock said, a little astonished at the effort she put in.

"You have work, yes? You should go. I'll take care of him," she answered him a bit sternly like she would with Kim. "And then you take a nap once you get back."

She was right, naturally. Ugh, it reminded Rock a tad too much of his mother and of how she'd chastise him for staying up too late and keeping watch whenever she was ill. Myeng Swuk sighed and entered to hug him, telling him that he needed to take care of himself too, otherwise, he'd just hurt himself.

She was right. Of course, she was.

So Rock reached for his keys and his jacket, heading outside. It felt like such a great loss to leave in general. Like a betrayal. On the other hand, he wondered how effective he'd be when he hadn't slept more than four hours in the past two days.

On the morning of the third day, Rock woke up to excessive knocking. He had spent the night hunched over a table on and off and his back felt it. Sitting up, he unfolded himself and checked on Yamazaki, finding him still sleeping before answering the door, flinging it open to see the wide grin of Joe standing right there.

"Hey, I heard some shit went down. Wanted to check up on you. You want to let me in?" he asked, rattling the bag in his hands.

"…Uh sure…" Rock moved aside to let him in, a bit too slow to stop him from heading to the doorway of the bedroom and peering at the man lying there. "Oh wow. Kim wasn't kidding when he said there'd been blood."

"Fuck off…" a tired growl came a moment after, and Rock took it as his cue to move.

He filled a glass of water and rushed past Joe to the bed where Yamazaki lay barely awake. He drank the water and took the pain meds, slipping back into a light rest without protest about the sudden guest or trying to pick a fight…or whatever his instincts drove him to do. The fact that this man, as wicked and violent as he could be, was so obedient and docile, would never stop being surprising.

"Need anything?" Rock asked and got his answer in the shape of a mumbled no. He stood up and ushered Joe out, closing the door after himself. He headed for the cupboard for mugs, taking three just in case. Two were filled with tea.

"You okay? I mean…" it came from Joe when Rock put the mugs on the table and sat down with a sigh.

"It's been tough. I don't think I could have handled it without everyone here."

Joe nodded into his mug, staring at its rim in musing thought. He sounded so unnaturally wry and maybe self-aware with the way he looked now. Speaking from experience, no doubt. "Yeah…unfortunately or something like that, I relate. I mean there've been times when Billy got back and he's bleeding like a sieve, and I've been panicking until he walked me through first aid. Lemme tell you, dealing with a cleanliness-obsessed freak when he's got blood all over him is a nightmare – no matter how lovable he is."

"So you know how to handle this?" Rock asked, daring not to sigh in relief, and the smile that he got eased him somewhat.

Self-assured, Joe flashed a big grin. "You bet! If you don't mind, I'll stick around to help. Kim told me you were pretty overworked so I figured you could use some backup. And Billy can do the laundry. Blood is a bastard to get off sheets."

Despite not liking Billy much, despite not understanding why Joe was going out with him, there was a part of Rock, that was happy to have someone by his side. Someone who understood sitting in one world with a window into another filled with blood and death.

For the rest of that day, Rock nodded on and off, eventually falling asleep in the afternoon and waking up in the early evening, catching glimpses of bodies moving, voices talking, a blanket falling over him. He had stopped laying over the table because it hurt his back, so he lay splayed over a beanbag that Joe had brought because he got sick and tired of Rock avoiding the bed.

Any bed.

The first thing, Rock did was to check up on Yamazaki, sitting by the edge of the bed with a cup of tea in his hands when he was done. The abode had fallen quiet to an unfamiliar degree after being visited by people constantly. But now, it was just the two of them for the night, a sentiment that made Rock feel a little better overall. He looked over his shoulder and kissed Yamazaki briefly, trembling from the constant irrational worry that he wouldn't be able to do that ever again. Soothed by the reality that he could do it again for now.

Funny how familiarity worked.

Yamazaki was by all accounts intimidating to all who encountered him. Even now, when he was at his most docile, still pale with exhaustion and blood loss, he was still a little terrifying – again, to all who didn't know him. Joe and Myeng Swuk couldn't hide their worry all that well for their own reasons. A wife dealing with the type of man, her husband had warned her about. A guy whose boyfriend had told him tall tales of bloodthirsty vipers.

But to Rock, he was just Yamazaki-or Ryuji; sleeping soundly with his chest rising and falling in a slow droning rhythm.

It was a miracle he had even survived, probably blessed by some mysterious god somewhere. Curiously, his eyes twitched underneath their lids like he was dreaming. They tended to do that, and he could get loud when the dreams were vivid enough. They hadn't been in a while. Watching him rest was soothing. It was like settling down next to a dragon, oxymoronic except for the fact that the fire-breathing monster treasured a certain wolf deeply.

Rock drank the last of the tea and hitched his knees to his chest, holding them in place with his arms.

Outside, the rain began to patter on the glass to the windows. Kim had shut off the outside lamps for the night since there was no serial killer in the vicinity anymore, thus the sky stood out; brilliant with stars but no moon. The trees ended up looking like blocks of darkness. It reminded Rock of the safe house, how quiet and peaceful it could have been if he was in a better headspace with better surroundings.

Maybe on vacation, he could go to someplace that was similar without the threat of trauma looming over him. It would be nice for a weekend; alone on a hearth with the wind rattling trees or grass, owls howling in the distance, watching the sunset and then the stars. It reminded Rock of a wood cabin he would sometimes rent with Terry when they went on a longer fishing trip. It was sappy and he could imagine Yamazaki laughing at it before stealing a car and driving Rock to some lodge.

When he looked over his shoulder again, the older man's eyes were wide open, staring right back. The light in the bedroom was dim thus it made his eyes look like two hollow voids. Or maybe it was the painkillers. To anyone who didn't know him, the smile he gave would be uncanny. Nightmarish.

It still was when his other persona would emerge. Rock still needed to adjust to that, but he accepted it. He accepted all of him. For a moment, the natural fear of that side crystallized into relief and warmth. He leaned over and pulled the blanket over the older man to keep him warm, feeling his cold skin in the process. It made his eyes glint.

"If you pulled it down, I'd be thinking you were trying to come onto me," he said with a grin like he wasn't moments away from dying less than a week ago.

"D-don't get frisky. One post-life-threatening hook-up was enough," Rock told him with a blush and headed for the kitchen to get another cup of tea and dinner for them both. There was still some soup and broth left that got heated up quickly before he returned to the bedroom with the cups, surprised to see Yamazaki still awake albeit tired. He had hiked himself to sit somewhat upright with his upper back against the headboard of the bed. His legs were pulled up somewhat and Rock dropped down on the spot where they would have been with the cups, folding his legs underneath him.

Yamazaki rested the cup on the sort-of table created by the blanket and his legs held it in place and used his healthy arm to drink. They ate in silence with the occasional looks being the only sort of conversation they had.

"I feel just a little less like shit, so I say you sleep in for tomorrow," Yamazaki said, his words breaking the silence quite abruptly. Rock looked over at him, noting that the cup was actually empty.

"If I had a coin for each time, I thought I felt you die, I could fifteen boats. Forget it," Rock answered with a stern frown as she leaned over to collect the cup, noting the amusement in Yamazaki's eyes. Amusement layered with worry.

"Not when you still look like shit," he said quietly, the worry in his eyes becoming a little more apparent.

"Right back at you," Rock assured him, smiling at the chuckle at him – at least until he winced. It didn't stop the waves of adoration rolling off him. Rock took the cups to the sink in the kitchen, washing them thoroughly.

"Rock, could you do me a favor?" Yamazaki asked, on the brink of sleep once Rock stepped into the bedroom again. Immediately, the younger man headed to his bedside, looking him over to see if any of the wounds had bled through the bandages.

"Everything good?"

"Yeah, I just-" he paused, his expression turning dour. He hesitated for a moment before looking at him. "I need pen and paper."

Rock wasted no time scurrying to the kitchen, snatching a notepad and a pen from the kitchen counter. He had a feeling that he wouldn't be writing a grocery list, and such musings were confirmed when Yamazaki recited two numbers which were written down to the exact digit. One was a phone number. The other was a cash amount.

"It's what Geese owes me. I don't think he would be so stupid to have me killed so contacting him should be safe. When you're ready – tomorrow, find a payphone. Just tell them I sent you," he said, his eyes shifting to the side for a moment before he continued. "Don't worry. The old man never handles direct contact when it's this. It's always a goon of his."

Discomfort pulsed in Rock's ears once he had mentally processed everything, and he resisted the urge to bury his face into his hands, resisting the urge to make any kind of sound that wasn't an affirmation.

"Right," he nodded, his voice shaking a little bit. He closed his eyes to the whirlwind inside lest he'd have a full-on panic attack. This was not fucking helpful. He could not show up to pick up the cash like this. He counted as he breathed, pictured the numbers in his head like graphic-designed birthday cards, and eventually the anger and terror settled into a slight tightness in his chest instead of feeling like the end of the world.

Rock sucked in a sharp breath through his nose and accepted a moment's defeat at the hand that rested against his knee, allowing himself to laugh, panicked, and dismissive at the same time. "Fuck it, I don't care anymore. It's cool. It's whatever."

"…It's gonna be fine," Yamazaki said ever so placidly but Rock shook his head, reaching up to palm the hand against his knee, a weird laugh coming out of him.

"Don't sweat it. I can handle the fucks out there," he smiled slightly, leaning over to kiss Yamazaki. He could do this. He could stay calm.

He had to.

Instead of just doing the payphone method, Rock hopped onto his motorbike and drove towards the South Town Bridge. He had questions he'd like to have answered and that required standing face-to-face with the kingpin dickhead behind all of this. He entered the lobby with a stride that conveyed far more confidence than he felt at the moment with his clipped wings and a wounded man resting in the back of his mind.

A receptionist sat at the front desk, warily glancing up at the young man, staring death and murder at her. Her inconspicuous appearance was a subtle reminder that there was a veil of legitimacy to Geese's machinations.

"Can I help you?" she asked, pushing her glasses to the bridge of her nose.

"I need to see Geese Howard. Tell him his next of kin has come for a visit," Rock answered steely.

The receptionist narrowed her eyes but reached for the phone on her desk, pressed a button, and held the receiver to her ear. "Ma'am? Sorry for the disturbance but a young man has come to visit Mr. Howard. Says he's next of kin."

The call lasted for ten seconds before it ended, and the receptionist hung up. She had talked to a woman and Rock could only make guesses about who that person was. He swallowed when the receptionist looked at him. "Someone will come down and escort you shortly."

No sooner had she said that before a nearby set of elevator doors opened and a familiar face stepped out. Mai, of course, stood there with a measured smile on her face. She waved Rock over, and he didn't return the gesture, just marching past her until he was inside, and she followed after him. She scanned in a card on a reader and pressed a button that would take them to the upper floors. Rock didn't remember the tower being this tall.

Moments later, it ascended. A ride that was thick with tension and discomfort. Loud with nothing but booming silence.

Looking at Mai, Rock noted how the smile on her face had faded. How bits of her had changed. It looked her but her eyes were sharper, her demeanor more poised and subdued. Almost like a veil to hide the grim vigilantism inside. And she put her hand on her stomach an awful lot.

"I understand why you're here. I hear the job went awry but was accomplished," Mai said without looking at him. Was she angry for all the things he had said to her face?

"Yeah," Rock bit out to more silence. He averted his gaze and just threw it out there, no thoughts processed. "Are you happy?"

"Very."

Silence again.

"Why him?" Rock asked.

"Happenstance," Mai answered, equally dull. "You should know what that feels like."

Yes, probably he did. He hated that he did. His stomach bottomed out when they reached their destination after what felt like a lifetime. Mai stepped out first, then stopped with a sigh.

"I wish we wouldn't have to be so on edge whenever we'd meet, Rock."

"I can't help it because you married that bastard," he couldn't entirely mute the sneer in his response.

"Well, it happened," Mai retorted cooly. "I didn't intend for it to happen when I came here. I quite disliked him myself but I stayed because I didn't want to be in debt to him for paying my bail when I got arrested based on nonsense. It took a while to accept his humanity."

"Humanity?" Rock raised a brow and saw in real-time the remnants of the old Mai resurface as she gushed about Geese as she would Andy.

"Yes! He has a shocking amount of it. He's goofy with Billy, he's friendly with Hein, and he's fair to those who work for him. He's good to me!" and the cheerfulness ebbed. "But at the same time, he's ruthless to his enemies. He's cruel, vindictive, and merciless to those who oppose him. I know what he is. I know what he's done. I know what he did to Marie. I know how it ended. I know how he feels about you."

Taking it all in, Rock just stared at her blankly, his mind trying and failing to wrap around why the hell this woman would marry someone like that if she knew all of it. As if sensing this, Mai continued, a little amending with her smile.

"If he's standoffish, it's because he doesn't know how to handle you or the guilt that you represent."

"Guilt?" Rock laughed sardonically and Mai ignored his disbelief.

"The life he gave Marie. It's his biggest regret."

He closed his eyes to it, the old sting, trying to make sense of everything he was feeling, all of it that hit him at once. Standing ever so unable to handle whatever the fuck this was. He opened his eyes and did everything in his power to not snap from anxiety and ask what else had been said.

"I know you won't believe me," Mai shook her head as she walked down the gaudy hallway. "I know you'd find it ridiculous if I told you that he wasted no time calling the medic team to find you when he heard you'd been hurt. He postponed our honeymoon for that. I bet you'll be furious when I tell you that I'm pregnant. Geese doesn't know yet."

The revelation felt like a dagger to the stomach. Rock swallowed, so tired all of a sudden. Mentally exhausted and just wanted to stop getting five across the eyes from five different emotions for at least a few days at a time. His stomach turned and he didn't know why. No, he wasn't furious. But…but…

It was all too much.

Rock stared down at his shoes, feeling a headache pushing against his temples like a hydraulic press until he had enough and just laughed absurdly. His throat tightened as he pressed a hand to his face and tried to breathe.

A sibling. A stepmom. How? What the hell? What the actual hell?

Light like a feather, Mai stepped over to him and touched his shoulder. Gah, it even smelled like her.

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"N-no, congrats," answered Rock, already dazed from his emotional defeats. She kept her touch on him as they headed through the condo where Geese – and Mai – and soon their first child lived. A happy family, just the three of them. Rock felt like an interloper, suddenly so insecure in himself for even being here.

His mind dropped into some sort of haze once they stopped outside a set of double doors that Mai pushed open. She had to really fight with them to keep them in place and in the middle of the room, in his Japanese garb, stood Geese training. Rock quickly stared at the window to the city skyline blankly, while Mai trotted inside the room.

"Darling~!" she called out and Geese stopped dead in his tracks. He didn't notice the young man by the opening of the doors, focusing on his wife coming over to him. She reached for his hands and held them tightly. "You got a visitor."

It hurt like a jab to Rock's soul to even hear himself referenced. He got another machine gun firing too many emotions in the span of a few seconds at him, resentment for the man who owned this tower, self-loathing for even subjecting himself to it, and then a sudden, desperate need to run and hide. He inhaled through it, but his breath hitched when he noticed the married couple looking at him. Geese stood there and looked at him with an undecipherable expression, and it felt like something inside of Rock died and began to rot. He made a choked, weird sound and stepped inside the hall.

"We need to talk," he said steadily. Somehow.

Standoffish. Geese folded his arms over his chest. "Okay. Let's talk."

"Right," Mai soured a bit. "I'll let you two be alone. Just don't kill each other."

"Didn't you need to tell him something?" Rock uttered.

"Oh?" she tilted her head and then it struck her. "Oh!"

She whirled around and trotted right back to Geese. "By the way, dear. I'm pregnant. I wanted to tell you after you were done here but I got put on the spot."

For a long time, he stood and stared at her with a frighteningly blank look. Then the news finally registered, and he laughed uproariously as he pressed a hand to the side of his head. "Goddamn, woman, timing!"

Mai cupped her face, swaying side to side. "Don't blame me. But now you know at least."

An uncomfortably pleasant smile spread over Geese's lips. Warm and bright in a way that didn't look natural. "I sure as hell do. Let's talk about it afterward, love."

She hummed and kissed him quickly, trotting out of the room and taking all its warmth with her. In a rush, Rock went cold and a little angry for reasons he couldn't articulate. For reasons he could, he almost felt like not breathing.

"Now you see what I deal with on a daily basis," Geese said, still visibly in a good mood. He had to will himself to stop smiling. "Anyway, impending fatherhood is not the reason why you're here. It's the job, right? I'm assuming so since Yamazaki has gone quiet, but the target has been confirmed dead. So he's-"

"Not fucking dead," Rock stared straight ahead, both overwhelmed and detached at the same time. "He got ambushed. Someone didn't want your dirty work done. Or someone tried to get rid of him. Someone working with a guy called Xanadu."

Sighing, Geese let go of his last vestiges of joy. "And you think I arranged to have Yamazaki gunned down. As much as I don't like the man, he's resourceful. He's an asset. He gets shit done so killing him would be a waste."

Something wrenched in Rock at Geese's continual indifference, and he laughed dismissively, snapping out; "Yeah right!"

He stared at the older man pace about the room, then stopped and asked; "Answer me this. What is something of value that I could obtain only by killing Yamazaki?"

"Me…"

"If I wanted to bring you over here, I wouldn't have done something so counterproductive as killing someone you care about," Geese retorted, direct and taut in a way that made Rock's face flare up and his heart pound sickly behind his chest.

He couldn't afford to keep making these mistakes, to get so riled up. He tried to breathe through it and not vomit all over the polished floor.

"Okay, point taken," he forced out, throat aching as he moved, holding out his arm with the paper in his hand. "But you still owe him money."

A small, unhappy smirk spread across Geese's face as he took the paper and unfolded it. He skimmed it so quickly, it was a wonder if he even read it. Until he kept staring at it. And Rock felt he was slowly losing his mind. Without Yamazaki, dealing with this asshole was so difficult for the simple fact that he had no idea of what to do now instead of fighting full throttle.

He let his eyes dart around the training hall, at the Japanese paintings and Buddha statues, a pot with a Manji on it. The hardwood floors, the panorama of windows providing a view over the city, adjacent balcony. It all felt so grand and extravagant, a big difference from the humble surroundings of the abode.

It was Kain – but different. Different in the way it made Rock feel so incredibly and unhappily out of place like he wasn't welcomed here. That naturally, he'd be a fatherless cur, replaced by a new baby on the way to make up for the failures of the past.

Therefore, it took him an embarrassing amount of time before he noticed Geese staring at him, still holding the paper. Watching him. Standing still like a predator about to pounce. Shock crystallized into white-hot fury, so scalding it hit like a drug high. It felt almost delirious at the weird look on Geese's face.

Almost like…pity? Whatever it was, he never broke his stare. Fuck him by the way.

"Do you want me to find out who was responsible and why?" he asked with such obfuscation in his voice, it was hard to figure out if he was sincere or not.

Rock frowned harder. "In exchange for what?"

"…In exchange for accepting something of mine," Geese lifted his head a notch. He didn't smile but there was something in his expression that could be read as recognition maybe.

Humanity? Perish the thought.

Especially with the vagueness of what that something was. Rock was pretty sure, skepticism was written all over him, and if so, good. Slowly, Geese folded the paper and headed past Rock. "I'll give you something of which there's only one copy. Do as you please with it."

"What if I burn it?"

That made Geese huff out a dull laugh as he opened the door to the hallway. "That is up to you. But I hope to move on, and I recommend you try to do so too."

Rock bit the inside of his cheek to not fire off a spiteful comment. Moving on, too easy for that old bastard to say. Moving on like nothing had happened. Moving on with a new wife, new child. Meanwhile, the people destroyed in his wake continued to stand there in the cold and bleed out like stuck pigs.

"How skeptical, you're feeling," Geese said. "It's so potent, I can feel it from here. I know."

Was this a joke? A terrible cold settled through Rock and he let it in for it calmed him down, and turned his tone into ice. "Yeah? Good for you. Fucking good for you to get married and have a kid and move on like nothing ever happened. But I can't forget, and I can't forgive. I won't accept you hurting and corrupting everyone I care about."

Geese absorbed the words, expressionless until a shadow fell over his face that could make lesser men cower. "If you can't handle Mai carving out her own destiny, why were you not there for her when she was on her own? Where were you when she had no one? When Andy died and Terry fucked off to God knows where? Even Joe offered her more support. He needed some of it too and he found it. That I am involved, doesn't matter."

Rock stared at him, horror soaking through his bones. His breathing quickened, his vision distorted and he had to do whatever the fuck he had in order not to lose it. He lost it anyway. "This is because you think the world is beholden to you and you don't give a shit when you hurt others. Why did you abandon Mom? Why did you tell me to fuck off so I could watch her die? You don't know the feeling of it, do you? What it feels like to watch someone you care about hurt and feel so fucking helpless because you can't do anything about it. She loved you, she really did. And you can't erase what you did by just trying again. What is actually wrong with you?!"

Geese's blank stare turned his eyes almost black. Yet Rock continued, hyperventilating, frenzied, that panic attack he feared coming back with a vengeance, losing the ability to process this in any productive way. His eyes watered and it occurred to him that he was crying. Sobbing so hard his chest ached. Fuck, he felt like a little child again, standing over his mother's dead body in the hospital. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this. You don't care. You never did and Mai is gonna die-"

"Shut the fuck up. You don't think it hurt me too? To watch Marie wither away into nothing?" Geese snapped out, harsh, yet low in such a growl that could tear through flesh, and it tore through Rock. "I loved her too, Rock. She was your mother, but she was my wife too. I miss her as much as you do."

There came horrible fluttering inside of Rock as his retort came out brittle and pleading. "You could have saved-"

"No, I could not!" Geese bit him off, the anger fading into empty and miserable melancholy. "She was terminally ill, but she didn't know how to tell you because she couldn't bear to break your heart. How do you tell a nine-year-old that his mother has less than a year to live and there's nothing anyone can do about it? How can I make up for neglecting her? I can't. Truth is that I cannot."

It cost him to say this. It cost him strength and paid in vulnerability. He moved slowly down the hallway, head lowered. His form blurred behind the endless tears that ran down Rock's face. His knees turned to jelly buckling under him. His breath caught in his throat, squeezed into sharp gasps. The vision of his mother, lying dead because she was dying of a broken heart – so he thought.

But she had been long doomed before that, her fate sealed and set in stone before anyone knew anything. Before anyone could do anything. All the self-blame, Rock had thrown at himself…it didn't even matter. He had lost before he even knew it. The world turned a blur, he flinched, he clawed his wrist, he felt the sting, he saw the blood, coloring the thin layer of outer skin.

And it did nothing.

"Oh god!" Mai exclaimed and she knelt in front of him, grabbing his arm to look at the self-harm. She cradled him against his chest and stroked his hair, whispering comforts into his ear. Rock had no energy left. No mental power to do anything but to go boneless in her embrace, so overwhelmed with defeat, he didn't know what to do with himself. He closed his eyes as Mai began calling for maids and a flurry of women in uniforms arrived at the scene.

The commotion brought Geese back from wherever he was and in his hand was a blue binder.