A/N IH 5! Honestly this just seems to have taken off, this wasn't even my original idea for 5, I just thought of it and got writing it first. I think the other idea is going to be more challenging, so I thought if so this one instead. It will come, just not right this second

I don't know what it is with me and co-sleeping. Nighttime has always been a bit of a difficult time for me, and having dogs to cuddle makes it easier. Imagining Tracy having her family to help her sleep just warms my heart, so I hope you enjoy it. It's cropping up more and more in my stories so I thought I'd finally address it

Cam POV

I woke with a start.

I'd just had the most awful nightmare. Tracy was in hospital, she was very unwell, and I had to get to her.

I felt sick to my stomach as I realised that wasn't a dream.

I got out of bed. I'd only gone to bed half an hour ago, after Mike had pushed me to go for some sleep. I'd only gotten back this evening, after visiting hours had ended. Mike had met me as I'd gotten home, holding me as I'd broken down in tears.

He was sat at the kitchen table as I entered, staring at his phone.

"Mike?"

He looked at me worriedly. "I thought you were going to get some sleep?"

"I can't." I gestured to the phone. "Everything alright?"

"It's Tracy. She says she's been waking all night to be sick. She's asking for you."

"I'll be there tomorrow." I looked at Mike closer. "Is that it?"

"Just..." Mike slid the phone to me as I sat at the table too.

I don't feel well Mike. I keep being sick and I don't know what time it is and I can't have more anti sickness. I think it's about once an hour I wake up. I just want to sleep. I want you here like you were last night, and I want Cam. I don't want to be on my own. I don't feel well

Tears rose in my eyes as I read Tracy's message. I put the phone down on the table and cried.

"Come here." Mike was crying too.

We stood up and hugged each other tight. Our girl was in hospital, seriously unwell, and there was nothing either of us could do. Our hearts were hurting.

"When did she send the text?"

"Just now. I didn't know what to reply."

"I don't know either. There's nothing we can do, Mike!"

"All I can think to say is that we love her and we're coming tomorrow."

I pulled away and picked up my phone.

I got home tonight, Tracy, like I said earlier . Mike and I will be in tomorrow first thing. We love you so, so much. Try and get some sleep if you can. I promise we'll see you tomorrow xxx

"What time are visiting hours?"

"Ten until seven."

"Can we get there for ten?"

"I was thinking more nine thirty."

I gave Mike a smile. Of course the one time he would be willing to push the rules was where Tracy was concerned.

"What did you send?"

"What you said. That we love her and we'll see her tomorrow."

Mike slumped onto a chair.

My eyes widened in alarm. "Are you ok?"

Mike sighed. "It was a very long day. You need to prepare yourself for tomorrow, she's very ill."

"I know, you told me."

"No, just..." Mike paused for a moment. "I know you know the facts, what's been going on. But to actually see her... She was worse this morning than she was last night."

"Worse? How? Is the medication not working?"

"They did say her liver levels were going up."

I didn't know what to say. Mike had told me all of this earlier, but maybe I hadn't processed it. The thought that Tracy might be worse when I went to see her tomorrow was scary.

I decided to occupy my mind by checking on the washing machine. Tracy's sheets were in there, her mattress airing. I'd told Mike there was sick on them, but I could tell Tracy had wet the bed before she'd left. Seeing as Mike had told me she could barely stand to get to the bathroom today it made sense she wouldn't have been able to make it across the flat before she'd been taken in.

The sheets were clean. I took them out and put them in the dryer. "The bed will be ready tomorrow." I turned to Mike. "I'm sorry you're having to use the sofa tonight."

"No need to apologise. She wasn't well, no one's fault she was sick."

I sat back at the table. I couldn't get worries of Tracy out of my head.

"You need to sleep."

"So do you," I retorted.

"You've had a long flight. You must be tired from travelling."

"And you've spent a whole day at the hospital."

"I could rest when she was sleeping. You didn't have any phone signal for eight hours, you had no idea what was going on."

I sighed. "I couldn't get on the plane until five. It was awful, just sat at that airport."

"Why didn't you text?"

"You needed to be with Tracy. It wasn't important how I was feeling."

Mike put his hand on mine. "It is always important how you're feeling." He gave a sad smile. "Tracy said to me it didn't matter how she felt when she had her panic attack. And she didn't tell us how she was feeling before she did this. If there is anything you want to talk about..."

I sighed. "I'm just worried about her, like you. There's nothing anyone can do, and I'm not going to do anything like that. I just wish I was able to hold her."

"You can have the first hug tomorrow. I think she'll be relieved to see you."

I gave a small smile.

Mike stood up. "I'm going to try and get some sleep: I need some energy for tomorrow if I can get it." He looked at me closely. "Do you think you'd be able to sleep?"

"I don't know. Everything's just happened so fast, and I've had far too much time to think today."

"Go and try. I'm here if you need me."

I smiled at Mike still playing care worker despite us being a similar age. "I'll go lie down. At least I can rest."

Mike gestured for a hug, and I hugged him back. It was the first time Mike had really been around for support, and I realised why he was so important to Tracy. He gave me a smile as he released me.

I made my way back to the bedroom, lying down. As I did so I caught sight of the picture on my bedside table, Tracy and me looking at the camera, hugging and smiling. I took it and hugged it to my chest, tears streaming down my cheeks, an ache in my heart for her.

At some point during the turmoil exhaustion finally caught up with me, and I fell into a restless sleep.

I woke as the bed jolted.

As I came to I remembered the situation we were in. Tracy, Mike and I were all in bed together, making sure Tracy got a good night's sleep after being discharged a few hours ago.

I looked over to see Tracy, wide eyed.

"Hey, was that you?"

"Was what me?"

"Something just jolted me awake."

Tracy closed her eyes for a moment, then nodded. "I think so. I had a nightmare and jumped awake."

"Oh Trace." I held her close. "What sort of nightmare?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"It'll help get it out of your head."

She sighed. "Just, when I took all those pills. I don't want to think about it."

"Ok." I gave her a squeeze. "Do you think you could go back to sleep?"

"I don't know."

"Why don't you try? For me? You can curl up in my arms if you like, and I won't complain about your knees!"

Tracy did as she was told. She curled herself into a neat ball, her head resting on my shoulder.

"That's it." I gave her a squeeze. "You just go to sleep. Mike and I will be here in the morning."

She settled down. It didn't take long for her to fall asleep.

With my daughter safe in my arms it wasn't long until I fell asleep either.

"Cam. Cam."

I opened my eyes, immediately feeling more awake when I saw Mike next to me. "What's happened? Where's Tracy? Is she ok?"

"She's fine, she's in her room. She just can't sleep and I think she could do with you.

I gave Mike a grateful smile. He'd booked time off work to stay with us for a few days, and was helping with the overnight shifts while Tracy settled back in. I was so glad he was here.

I got out of bed and headed to Tracy's room. She was sat on the bed, tears rolling down her cheeks.

I sat down next to her, taking her hand. "Hey. Mike said you might need me?"

"I can't sleep. I'm so tired but I can't get these stupid thoughts out of my head."

"So you went to find Mike?"

Tracy nodded.

"She woke me about an hour ago. She just can't sleep."

"Oh Trace." I pulled her towards me. "Come on. Why don't we go back to bed and then if you fall asleep Mike won't have to take the sofa?"

"I don't mind." Mike put his hand on Tracy's back. "You do what you need to do, Tracy. I'll find somewhere to sleep."

"I, I don't want to be in here. The last time I was in here, I, I..."

"That's ok." I kept my voice soft as she trailed off. "You don't have to sleep here tonight if you don't want to. Come on. Let's go to my room, shall we?"

Tracy looked anxiously at Mike.

"I can come too."

Tracy looked more relaxed as we made our way back. Then it was repeat of our first night: Tracy in the middle, Mike and I on either side.

"I want you to try and rest." Mike spoke to her softly. "Just close your eyes, close them, that's it, and rest. I want nice deep breathing and relaxed muscles. You're safe, we're here, and we're not going to leave you. If you wake up late we'll make sure one of us is here until you do, ok? We won't leave you on your own. We're here."

"I'm safe," Tracy said quietly.

"You are the safest you could be, with me and Cam. So safe. Nothing bad can happen, I promise."

"I, I..."

"Shh, don't talk. It's late. Just try and sleep."

"No, I, I need to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"I, I've been fighting thoughts all night."

"Thoughts?"

Tracy gave a shaky sigh. "Suicide thoughts. Could this kill me, could that, could I use this..."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't think you'd want to know."

"We need to know if you're feeling like that, Tracy."

Tracy began to cry, ugly, violent sobs running through her. "I don't want to be here anymore."

Mike hugged her tightly. I could see tears in his own eyes.

There were tears in mine also.

"I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here!"

Tracy kicked out, striking me. As I cried out in pain she froze, then quickly turned to face me. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I..."

"It's ok, of course you didn't mean to, that was just a muscle spasm, Trace." I gently stroked the offending leg, hoping to calm it. "Come on, turn back to Mike. You're ok."

Tracy kicked out a few more times as she sobbed, catching both of us in the process. I continued to try to calm the muscles, eventually holding them still. Mike focused his attention on calming Tracy herself, his gentle words stopping the severity of her sobs. Finally she relaxed, her leg giving one last twitch.

"Is she asleep?" I whispered.

Mike nodded.

My tears finally spilled over. I hated Tracy crying herself to sleep, even if we were here with her.

Mike took my hand and gave it a squeeze. "I know. Try and get some sleep. I'll stay awake for her."

"No, you sleep. I don't mind having a nap later."

"I can run through to tomorrow night if I need to: I've had plenty of practice of sleepless nights at Elm Tree."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive. Let me stay awake, you get some sleep."

I closed my eyes, putting my arms around Tracy. Her body was still tense, but more relaxed than it had been. I gave the top of her head a kiss before I settled down, knowing I was safe in Mike's presence as much as Tracy was.

It took a little while for me to calm, but at last sleep came for me too.

"Mike? What's happened? Why are you ringing me at this time?"

I'd been woken by my phone ringing. I'd thought it was an alarm at first, one I'd set so I could check on Tracy each night, to make sure she hadn't done anything to hurt herself.

"I just wanted to check on Tracy. Please. I haven't stopped thinking about her all night.

I got out of bed and made my way to Tracy's room, as I did every night. I opened the door as quietly as I could, and took in her appearance. She was breathing, slowly and evenly, sound asleep. She was still clearly unwell, but she was on the mend. I gave her a small smile before I left the room, relief filling me.

She hadn't taken anything. I relayed the information to Mike.

I heard him breathe a sigh of relief. "Thank you. I'm sorry for waking you."

"I had an alarm set for half an hour anyway, don't worry."

"You had an alarm set for four in the morning?"

"To check on her. I check her every night, Mike." I made my way back to my room, almost falling onto my bed from tiredness, tears coming to my eyes as I did so. "I'm exhausted but I need to know she's ok. She was so unwell before..."

"I know. I know she was. That's why I'm worried about her too."

I suddenly had an idea, and offered to text Mike each night once I'd checked. I was getting up anyway, sending a message his way wasn't going to be any trouble.

I could hear how grateful he was as he thanked me. We spoke for a few moments more, making sure the other was ok, before we hung up.

I lay down, turning my alarm off for the night. Tracy was safe, she was ok. That was all I needed to know.

Exhaustion quickly caught up with me with the knowledge, and it wasn't long before I was asleep.

I opened the door to Tracy's room. It had become a routine over the past couple of weeks: the alarm went off, I crept in, and then collapsed back into sleep.

Tonight, however, Tracy was awake. Her eyes glinted at me as I entered.

"Hey." I went in towards her. "Are you ok? How long have you been awake?"

"I haven't managed to get off yet."

"Oh Tracy." I took her hand. "What's going on?"

"I just, can't sleep."

"Can you tell me what's wrong?"

"I don't know. I just feel anxious and I can't settle."

"Do you want a hug?"

Tracy sat up to meet my open arms. I pulled her in close, hugging her tight.

"You're ok. I'm here."

"I just, don't feel well tonight."

"Don't feel well how?"

Tracy didn't answer.

I pushed her away slightly. "Tracy?"

"I, I went searching in the medicine cupboard."

My eyes widened, my face filled with worry and shock. "You're suicidal again?"

"I, I don't know why, it's just tonight..."

"It's ok." I gave Tracy's arm a squeeze, though inside my panic was rising. What if she tried something? I had Mike's number, I could call 999, or the emergency mental health team...

"We haven't got any pills. I wouldn't take them anyway. I just..." Tears landed in Tracy's lap.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"I don't know."

I took her back into my arms. I hated seeing Tracy like this.

"Why were you up? I thought you were sleeping better now I'm back."

I gave a small laugh. "I check on you every night, Trace. I set an alarm and check you're ok."

"Every night?"

"Every night."

"I, I didn't know."

I gave her a smile. "That's because you're usually asleep. This is the first night I've found you awake."

Tracy looked at her bedside clock. She rested her head on my shoulder.

"Do you want to come in with me?"

"I, no, I'll be fine. I'll get to sleep eventually."

I paused for a moment. There was a question in my head I wasn't sure I was brave enough to ask. "Trace?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you, would you come to bed? For me? Like actually for me." I swallowed a lump in my throat. "I'd find it easier to sleep if I know you're safe."

Tracy looked at me. "You mean it? You're not just trying to get me to accept help?"

"Genuinely, Tracy. I don't know how well I'd sleep tonight if I'm worrying about you in here. It'll help me to have you there."

Tracy nodded, then got up off the bed. We went to my room together. I could feel Tracy relaxing already.

"You wake me if there is anything you need," I said sternly once we were under the covers. "I mean it, Tracy. I want to be woken."

Tracy nodded.

I put an arm around her, and used my other to hold her hand. "Go to sleep. And if you need me, wake me."

I closed my eyes as I felt Tracy's body settle. Truthfully I was glad to have her here. It really was going to help me sleep as well.

Tracy fell asleep first. And feeling her body calm as she slept, safe here with me, allowed me to drift off myself soon after.

I woke to some movement in my bed. As I opened my eyes and turned to face them I could make out Tracy, settling down under the covers.

"Hey, are you ok?"

Tracy nodded.

"Do you want to talk, or just rest?"

"Sleep."

"Ok." I moved towards her, putting an arm round her. "Go to sleep. I'm here."

I could feel how tense Tracy was. I suspected she'd been awake for a while.

"What time is it, sweet?"

"Half three. I couldn't take it anymore."

"Half three? Oh Trace, you should have come in a lot sooner."

"I didn't want to wake you."

I sighed. "You know I set my alarm for four."

"Exactly."

I sighed again. "If you're struggling, you come to me, please. I don't want you lying awake for hours because you want to look after me. You're still not well, I know you still get those pains. Just come in in future."

Tracy sighed too, though it was one of tiredness as she rested her head on my pillow. She curled up and attempted to sleep.

"Good girl." I gently stroked her hair. "I'm here, you're safe. Just sleep, sweetheart."

It didn't take long for Tracy's breathing to settle, showing me she'd gone to sleep. I gave her a kiss and then settled down myself.

Thankfully it didn't take me long to fall asleep either.

I woke up. Something wasn't right.

Tracy hadn't been herself since we'd gotten home from Elm Tree. It had taken half an hour to get her out of the car, and she'd been curled up on the sofa all afternoon. I'd eventually coaxed her into bed, the promise of somewhere more comfortable finally getting her in.

I went in to check on her, and my heart broke.

She was clutching a photo of her and the kids, one that had been given to her after her panic attack from what I understood. I knew how much it hurt her that she hadn't been able to cope with seeing them today, the love she had for them clearly showing every day.

I went in to take it off her and she held it tighter.

I gave a small smile as I let her keep it. I remembered back to my first night here after she'd been admitted, clutching a photograph of her in much the same way. If it was providing comfort it wasn't up to me to take that away.

I could see how tense she was, how her face was screwed up. I sat by the bed and gently laid a hand on her, hoping to relax her somewhat.

"It's ok, Trace. It's ok you couldn't do it today. You're doing so many hard things at the moment, and I am so, so proud of you." I wiped away a tear. "I love you, Mike loves you, Gina and all the kids love you too. We just want you better sweetheart, and we're willing to wait however long it takes."

Tracy did seem to relax at my words. She hugged the photo to her, but gave a little sigh.

I stayed with Tracy for a while, just watching her. In my presence she calmed further, eventually allowing me to take the photo. I carefully removed the glass and put it out of reach, and then handed her the frame back. I knew she was likely to be distressed if she woke up without it, but I knew I could never forgive myself if the glass broke and injured her in the night.

After a while I felt my body calming too. I gave Tracy a small squeeze, then went back to my room. As I closed her door I looked in again, just to check she hadn't woken. I was glad to see she was still.

I got back into bed, feeling more relaxed. She was ok now, thankfully, and she knew she could come and get me if she wasn't, something I seemed to have finally drilled into her over the past few months.

I fell into my own sleep.

It was the middle of the night. I woke briefly, as I sometimes did. I rolled over to go back to sleep.

I jumped when I felt something.

It was the day after Tracy's birthday. We'd had a good day celebrating a day later after my flight had been delayed, but Mike had told me about yesterday's wobble.

Seemingly there was still a little bit of wobble inside her.

Tracy was curled up next to me, fast asleep. She looked relaxed, as far as I could tell. I wasn't sure why she was here exactly.

Maybe she'd just wanted the comfort of being near after not having me for her special day.

I settled back down. If she needed me I was sure she would let me know. She did every now and again, waking me for a hug or to chat, or just to lie with for a bit.

She might be gone in the morning. Sometimes she just needed a few hours' sleep with me to reset, and then she was happy to go back to her own bed.

But she was doing better.

There was always that niggling doubt in the back of my mind. On particularly bad days I did go and count the pills, removed belts from clothes and kept an eye on the knives, sometimes going as far as to hide them. It was always going to be with me, I was sure.

I had actually done those things when Mike had rung. Thankfully nothing had been done, and as she lay here tonight I didn't think she was going to do anything. I pulled the cover over her where it had fallen, and then closed my eyes.

I opened my eyes for a moment to watch her sleep. She was peaceful, relaxed. Then she began to stir.

I gave her a smile as she opened her eyes. "You ok?"

She gave me a small smile back. "I think so. Sorry, did I wake you?"

"Not at all."

"I, think I might go back, if that's ok."

"Of course. Do what you need to. You know there's always a space that side of the bed if you need it."

She gave me a grateful smile, before she got out of bed and left the room.

I watched her go, calming further. She really was ok.

She really was ok.

There was a smile on my face as I fell into a peaceful sleep.