Category: Victorious
!TRIGGER WARNING! - This story will paint Victorian London in a fairly realistic light. There will be mentions of nudity, prostitution and various other unpalatable topics, which may present themselves at any point in the next few chapters. Read at your own risk.
!IMPORTANT! Set after Tori Fixes Beck and Jade. Instead of singing her song at the Full Moon Jam, Jade jumped off the stage and attacked Meredith for trying to kiss Beck. It ruined any potential reconciliation.
Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious (or any of its characters) in any way, shape or form.
Chapter One
Cat's Perspective:
Shock set in as my new book landed in the fireplace. As the pages blackened and curled inward, my eyes filled with tears. The book's title page stared back at me, mocking me.
'Fahrenheit 451'. While I was nowhere near finished with it, I knew enough of the plot to understand the irony. Burning a book about a society where books are illegal. Wiping at my eyes, I looked up at my mom as she turned towards me.
"I've been clear about what kinds of books you're allowed to read, Caterina. I trust you to buy a few things from the book fair and this is what you bring home?" Poking the ashes with the fire poker, she picked up another book from the stack and threw it in.
'Twilight'.
"What's wrong with that one?" I winced as the cinders flew in my face. I had read the book before, when I was able to check it out from the library. When I saw it on sale at the book fair, I couldn't resist picking up my own copy.
"It's too old for you." Mom picked up the last book, 'Carmilla'. It had been recommended by a girl in my Literature class. I hadn't even gotten around to doing more than read the back cover. Doing the same, mom glared. "This sounds like smut. What are you doing reading smut?"
"Riley Weller said it's a classic..." I mumbled. "...like the kind we read in school."
"If this is the kind of books your teachers are recommending you, we need to seriously rethink you attending that stupid school. Your father was a fool, letting you audition like that."
At the very thought of being dragged from Hollywood Arts and forced to start somewhere else during my last semester of high school, a panicked feeling settled over me. Putting my hands to my ears, I stared around the room, my mind moving rapidly as I tried to find a way out of the hole I've put myself in. I was nowhere near a solution when my mom's hand shot towards my face. Slapping me, she jerked one of my hands down.
"Don't try to ignore me." She continued. "You better listen when I talk to you."
"I am." I wheezed, my chest tightening. I tried to assess the feeling. Is it just anxiety or am I on the brink of another panic attack? Mom doesn't like those...It makes her think I'm going to end up like my brother...Mentally unstable and a danger to others. The mere thought of being locked up triggered another wave of panic. Before I could dwell too much on it, my thoughts scattered. Dropping my gaze, I fixed my eyes on the still burning books. It seemed a safer bet than continuing to stare at my mom's red, angry face.
"Why do you never listen? I've done everything for you since your father left. I've sheltered you, cared for you, protected you from your brother. And this is how you repay me? I've had enough. Just go to your room."
Sniffing, I backed towards the stairs. Stumbling up them, I shut myself in my room and locked the door, another thing I'm not supposed to do. Throwing myself on my bed, I buried my face in my pillow. I'm not sure how long I laid there and cried. By the time I settled down, I could barely open my eyes, my head hurt so much.
It didn't used to be like this. Nothing's been the same since dad left, last year. Mom spent the first few months ignoring me, just focusing on her own grief. Eventually, her coworkers convinced her to seek counseling for both of us. It was somewhere during these sessions that she went from the absent mother I was used to dealing with to the strict, angry one I saw today. I'm not sure what my sessions have been doing for me. All I know is, ever since my therapist, Dr Rhineheart, prescribed me a medication to help with my anxiety and lack of focus, I've been thinking more clearly than I ever have.
It felt like taking off a helmet of sorts, once the medication kicked in. Dr Rhineheart told me I developed heavy defense mechanisms after my brother, Ethan, was diagnosed with a personality disorder. My undiagnosed ADHD also became worse. It seemed to really confuse her that I had gone so long without a proper diagnosis. I told her it probably had to do with my brother. My parents went through so much with him, they feared acknowledging that I could end up the same. Better I act half my age than get so bad, I end up in the same mental health facility as Ethan.
The few times I've been allowed to visit him are always stressful. I used to love his erratic behavior. His mannerisms, his strange way of talking, the occasions he broke out of the facility just to come see me. Still...there was always a part of me that felt tense every time I was in his presence. A sort of gut feeling.
I didn't fully understand it until the last time my parents tried taking him home. I woke up to find Ethan standing over my bed, holding a kitchen knife. By some miracle, my dad came upstairs at the same time. He wrestled Ethan to the ground and called the police, who took him back to the facility. That was the last time I was able to see him. Mom won't let him come back home.
The entire incident was so scary, dad left. Mom told me he couldn't handle the reality of being a father. I think he just couldn't handle the reality of his situation. As far as I can tell, most fathers don't have to deal with violently dangerous behavior in their children. The fear that, one day, he might wake up to find the rest of us dead. I wish he had gotten help from a therapist too, instead of abandoning us...It's turned mom into a monster.
Today's incident pales in comparison to some of her moments, when the reality of her own situation becomes too much for her and she feels the need to lash out at someone. Now that dad's gone and Ethan is permanently committed, I'm the only one left. She's taken this time to infantilize me. The main way in which she displays this is demanding to know all about my therapy appointments and by withholding information. No books are age appropriate for me unless I find them in the children's section. I'm too immature to understand them and not attempt to emulate them. If she lets me read a book about seeking information where it's prohibited, I'll just continue to undermine her. Or so she thinks...
In truth, I'm tired. I'm tired of angering her. If the only way to avoid her anger is to read children's books and watch children's shows until I move out, so be it. If she lets me move out...During the few occasions I've mentioned college, she's been dismissive. I tried filling out some applications last month. She tore them up. I found them in the trashcan in the kitchen. When I asked about it, she shrugged and said I must have done it myself without realizing.
Gaslighting. That's another term my therapist uses when I talk about my mother's behavior. Despite not being eighteen yet, Dr Rhineheart has been good about avoiding answering my mother's probing questions about me and my sessions. I'm grateful. I'm not sure what I would've done if I'd gotten a therapist that doesn't care about my privacy.
My talks with her have helped so much, I find myself looking forward to them. I even tried talking to my friends about Dr Rhineheart. While Tori seemed happy I was getting help, Jade made an offhand comment about me being as crazy as my brother. I stopped talking about it after that.
That's another thing that's changed since I started therapy. I've learned the value of keeping some things to myself. Just because it flashes through my head doesn't mean I need to say it. If I need to get it out in some way, I should start a journal. So, I did just that. It's the one book I've actively worked to keep my mother from seeing. I know she wouldn't hesitate to read it. Just to be safe, I've been filling my journal out in one of my school notebooks, so it looks inconspicuous. Eventually, I'd like something a little nicer to write in.
Sitting up, I wiped my face with a tissue and went to grab my phone off the charger. I had a text from Robbie waiting for me.
Message:
I need to tell you something. Playground on Grand street at six? -Robbie
It's nearly six, now. Figuring I could use the fresh air, I fixed my smeared makeup, put on a jacket and opened my window. Climbing down the trellis, I pocketed my phone and ran down the block. By the time I made it to the park, it was just after six.
As I crossed over to the playground, I spotted Robbie sitting at the bottom of a small slide. I was so focused on trying to keep my tone light once I started talking, I didn't even notice Rex was missing, nor what Robbie was holding.
"Robbie!" I called.
"Cat!" His voice broke as he spoke, a sign he's especially nervous. Standing up, he spun around, revealing a bouquet of daisies. He shoved them in my hands as soon as I reached him. He smiled awkwardly, waiting for my reaction.
"What are these for?" I stared down at them, my mind starting to blank the way it used to, whenever something confused me. I felt the need to giggle and run away. Suppressing it, I looked back up at him.
"Cat, I..." Biting his lip, he stepped forward. I instinctively stepped back, now understanding fully what was about to happen.
I couldn't explain how it made me feel, knowing Robbie was finally confessing his very obvious feelings to me. I makes me feel...uneasy? There was a point in time where I seriously thought about him that way. He made me feel cared for. We had a few close calls, where I thought I could jump into a relationship with him. Each time, that uneasy feelings returned and I ran away.
Now that I have a better hold over my own emotions, all I can see when I look at him is a good friend. A friend that I need to stay my friend. If, one day, I stop entertaining the possibility of romance, would he still be by my side? Would he leave? Maybe, that's the only way it can end. Trying to keep him in my life will just end up hurting him.
I tried to hand the flowers back. "I don't think I can take these, Robbie." I mumbled. He stared back at me strangely, giving me the same confused expression all my friends have been giving me, lately. The way I've been speaking and behaving since I started my therapy sessions has thrown them all off. I can't blame them for viewing me as a different person. I feel like one.
"I bought them for you, though." He gave me a lopsided smile.
Returning my gaze to the flowers, I examined the mismatched stem lengths. These look like the flowers Hollywood Arts puts in their planters out front. But, if he'd rather I think he bought them, I'll humor him. "I think they're beautiful, but I don't know why you're giving them to me."
There. Play dumb. Better than outright hurting his feelings. "Cat, I...I like you. I really, really...really like you. I wanted to ask if you'd-."
"Robbie, I can't..." I tried cutting him off, but couldn't finish the sentence.
"One date." He immediately continued, desperation seeping into his voice with every word. "Just one."
I shook my head as he spoke, helpless. "Robbie, we're friends..."
"Exactly! We care about each other. We want to make each other happy. Why can't we do that as a couple?"
"You mean so much to me." I conceded. "You've been here through everything. Why can't things just stay like that?"
"I've been here through everything." He repeated after me, like this was the key point. I could hear the frustration bleeding through every word. "After all this time...I mean, It's the least you can do."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I felt an all too familiar emotion begin to surface. One I didn't know I was capable of feeling not too long ago. Anger.
"I mean..." He seemed to second guess his logic. Shaking his head, he doubled down. "I just thought that, since we're such good friends...We spend almost all our time, together. I'm always here when you need someone to talk to, when you need a partner for assignments, when you want something, when you need someone to lend you lunch money... It's practically like we're dating, already. After all that, I thought, maybe we could go on one real date."
"I..." What, now? He just described friends. As upset as I am, I still felt that old desire to spare his feelings. "...don't think it's a good idea."
"Think of it as you saying thank you." He blurted out. His face flushed.
"Thank you for what? Being my friend?" I spat out before I could stop myself.
"And the flowers..." He pointed at them again, not quite picking up on my change in tone.
I shoved them into his hands so fast, he had no choice but to take them. "I don't owe you a date just for being my friend. You never had to be my partner during assignments or bring me things or even offer to buy lunch. I always pay you back."
"Hey, why are you mad?" He pouted. "Maybe, I've been reading all the signs wrong but I thought you felt something for me, too."
"No." I whispered the word softly enough, I wasn't sure he heard me. In truth, I haven't felt romantic attachment to anyone in a while. All I have emotional room for is friends. "Robbie, I need you to be my friend."
"I am your friend." He was struggling to keep up his bravado. Dropping the flowers, he grabbed my hand. "Can you honestly tell me you don't feel anything for me? Nothing at all?"
I let out a shaky breath. Maybe, I'm wrong. The uneasy feeling could be me running away, again...No. It's more than that. Looking at him now, I've never seen him clearer. "I...don't."
Letting go of my hand, he lowered his gaze to the ground. He stared at the flowers blankly, as if he was just realizing he had dropped them. Looking back up at me, he gave me the single most determined look I've ever seen from him. "I'll wait. No matter how long it takes, I'll wait for you to like me as much as I like you."
He walked off before I could reply. Even if he had stuck around, I'm not sure I would have been able to say anything. He's serious...He really plans to wait until I cave and date him. I think there was a point in time where that would have made me feel happy. Now, it just makes me feel ill...like I've been sitting on a ticking bomb and am just starting to realize it.
What am I supposed to do..?
Beck's Perspective:
"Open this damn door!" My father screamed. He's been yelling and slamming his fists against the RV for so long, it's a miracle the neighbors haven't called the cops, yet. Normally, he saves this behavior for inside the house. I guess, after seeing my rejection letter to Stanford, the college he picked out for me, he's decided to make an exception.
Glaring darkly at the mental door, I slipped into my bathroom and turned on the light. The image that greeted me in the mirror wasn't a pretty one. He'd gotten a couple good swings in before I manage to slip away. Grabbing some toilet paper off the roll, I dabbed at my busted lip. When he hit me the first time, I'd fallen back against the coat rack just inside the main house, leaving a huge bruise on the side of my neck. It looks like a hickey. That ought to go over well with Jade...Not that the opinion of my ex should matter.
I don't think it would if Jade were a reasonable person who didn't assume she's owed something just because she wants it. Currently, she wants us back together. She's made that clear by jeopardizing my date with Meredith. Not that it went well...The thoughtless trophy girlfriend that refuses to have any opinions of her own was never my type. I'd take Jade's attitude any day over a mindless robot.
But, instead of letting me handle things on my own, Jade jumped off the stage at the Full Moon Jam, just as she was about to start singing, in an attempt to prevent Meredith from trying to kiss me. It was insane. Jade ended up getting kicked off campus for the rest of the evening and I ended up going home early. By Monday morning, everyone was talking about how psychotic Jade is and how Meredith should date someone with less baggage.
The word has always struck a cord with me. Baggage. My baggage is a clingy ex girlfriend that truly believes the word no doesn't apply to her. That doesn't feel she has to change at all, even if she hurts everyone in her life as a result of her behavior. If Jade had taken the high road and had just performed her song while giving me the opportunity to turn Meredith down, I think it would have been enough for me to know she's changed. That things might be different enough for me to give her another chance.
But, she didn't. She proved, unequivocally, that she's still the same person she was when we broke up last time. It also proved I may have chosen poorly when I told her we could still be friends. This is my future until Jade decides she's done with me. Any attempts I make to move on will be witnessed by Jade and sabotaged.
Leaving the bathroom, I sat on the couch and put on my headphones, prepared to wait out my father's meltdown. He can't get through the door. Turning on some Panic!, I opened a waiting message from Andre.
Message:
Something happened with Robbie, today. He showed up at my house without Rex and started freaking out. -Andre
I raised a brow.
Message:
Do you know what happened? -Beck
Message:
Idk. He keeps rambling about Cat and daisies and friendship. I think he may have finally bit the bullet and confessed to her. -Andre
Message:
Then why is he freaking out? -Beck
Message:
I think she turned him down. That's my only guess. I'm as confused as you are. I thought she liked him. -Andre
Message:
Cat's been off, lately. We've all noticed. She may not be in the right headspace to be dating. I'll head over there as soon as I can. -Beck
Message:
What headspace does Cat have? We're talking about the girl who can't even remember the number 3 when she's counting. -Andre
Throwing on my leather jacket, I slipped my phone in my pocket and went to wait in front of the door. My dad's been trying to get in for well over an hour. He should get tired, soon, and go back in for another beer. I want to be gone by then. He just gets meaner the drunker he is.
Grabbing a book, I was about to sit back down and read a bit when the banging stopped. I checked the clock over my aquarium. Nearly seven. Dad won't miss the big hockey game. He'll likely stay inside until it's over.
Taking my chance, I let myself out of the RV, locked up and got in the car. By the time dad realized I'd left, I was down the block. Heading straight for Andre's, I parked in the drive behind his grandma's car and ran up to the door. His grandmother about had a fit when Andre let me in. Even Andre looked startled by my injuries and haggard appearance. Assuring her I wasn't there to rob the place, I headed for Andre's room. Robbie was sitting on the edge of the bed, hugging a pillow. As Andre said, Rex was nowhere to be found.
"So, what exactly happened?" I asked Robbie.
Andre answered for him. "He explained after he calmed down. He went to meet up with Cat. He gave her some flowers and asked her out and she turned him down. She said...I quote...'I don't owe you a date just for being my friend.'."
I winced. "Tell me you didn't tell her she owes you a date."
Robbie nodded and sniffed. "I'm stupid..."
"You're not stupid." I sighed. "Just...you can't say that to people. Cat doesn't owe you a date, no matter how nice you've been to her. You know what kind of guys think like that? 'Nice guys'."
"Yes, exactly." Robbie nodded firmly. "I am a nice guy, so why wouldn't she-."
"That wasn't a compliment." I interrupted. "You don't want to be a 'nice guy'."
"I don't want to be nice to her?" Robbie furrowed his brows.
I looked at Andre. "You got this?"
Plopping on the bed next to Robbie, Andre explained precisely what a 'nice guy' is. Sitting in the computer chair, I spun around to look at the screen. I raised a brow. This conversation with Tori looks flirty...
"You understand?" Andre asked Robbie. "You can shoot your shot, but you have to accept it when she shoots you down. You aren't owed anything just for being nice."
"I don't think Cat owes me anything. I just...thought she might be willing to accept if I brought it up." Robbie mumbled.
"It doesn't work like that. You start bringing up all the reasons why you think she owes you something, you're gonna walk away with way less than a date." Andre pat Robbie on the back.
"I know, I get it. I really put my foot in my mouth. I didn't mean any of it...except when I told her I would wait for her."
"That's fine." Andre shrugged. "Wait. When Cat is feeling better, she may decide she wants to give you a chance. Just stop bringing it up, okay?"
Spinning back around, I pointed over my shoulder, at the screen. "So...you and Tori?"
Andre's eyes bugged out. Getting up, he reached over me and shut off the screen. "Well...Yeah, a little. Nothing official or anything but I think, if I asked her, she might say yes."
"Not helping, you guys." Robbie buried his face in Andre's pillow.
"You better not be wiping snot on my pillow." Andre took it from him. He looked back at me. "What happened to you? You look like you've been in a fight. It wasn't Jade, was it?"
"No, not Jade." I grimaced. "I'd rather not get into it."
"Sure." Andre nodded, never one to pry. "On to other subjects, I just got my letter to Hollywood Arts University."
"I got one too." Robbie sat up long enough to tell us. Laying back down on the bed, he buried his face in a blanket.
"So did I." I frowned. The acceptance letter to Hollywood Arts' university chapter came at the same time as my rejection letter to Stanford. Dad was not happy I had applied to something other than his alma mater.
"So, I guess we'll be together another two years. Wonder if the girls got their letters." Andre grinned.
"Probably." I shrugged. "Attending all four years of Hollywood Arts High increases the likelihood of you being admitted to the university."
The screen behind me started pinging as message after message came through. Getting up, I gave Andre the chair, so he could respond to Tori. I glanced back over his shoulder. The tenor of these recent messages was in stark contrast to the earlier ones.
"Everything okay?"
"Uh, yeah. Cat showed up at Tori's all upset. She's giving Tori her side of how things went with Robbie. She's not happy."
"What do I do?" Robbie started to panic a little.
"Lay low?" I suggested.
"It's the only thing you can do. Try to apologize to Cat next time you see her." Andre shut off the screen. "Sorry, you two gotta go. It's almost dinner time and grandma gets crabby when there's unexpected guests."
Letting ourselves out, Robbie and I headed for my car. "Did you walk here?"
"Uh huh."
"Get in. I'll give you a ride."
"Thanks."
Dropping Robbie off, I avoided heading directly home. Stopping by Nozu's, I had dinner. I was in the process of paying my tab when Jade walked in with Tori and Cat in tow. Staring up at me for a long, uncomfortable few seconds, she dropped her gaze and stomped towards the bar.
"I thought you two were doing better around each other." Tori sent Cat ahead and stepped aside to talk to me. "What happened to your face?"
"Don't ask...I thought we were doing better."
"Then, the Full Moon Jam." Tori answered her own question.
"You go ahead and enjoy dinner. I've gotta get going. Hope Cat's okay."
"Eh." Tori pursed her lips. "Robbie was a major jerk to her. Jade's already posted the entire conversation on The Slap. She made no effort to change names, so don't be surprised if the entire school is talking about it by tomorrow.
"If it helps, Andre and I gave him a talking to. He seems to know what he did wrong, at least. As long as Robbie apologizes, I'm sure it'll blow over. Who knows. After Cat has some time to think things over, she may decide she wants to date him, after all. There was a time when it looked like she wanted to."
"Not this time." Tori glanced back at Cat. "I don't know what's been going on with her but it's like she's a stranger in Cat's skin. She doesn't seem to want anything to do with Robbie, now. I'm not even sure she's willing to stay his friend, at this rate."
"I can't say what's changed, but I know what you mean."
"I'll see if I can get any information out of her, tonight. Don't forget to head straight to the auditorium, tomorrow morning. The school's going to announce what our Senior trip is and who all qualifies to go."
"Word is we're gonna have a pop quiz in Math class."
"Dang it..." Tori muttered. Reaching up, she lowered the collar of my jacket, revealing the bruise on my neck. "Uh...Don't let Jade see that."
"I'm not planning on it." I shot a wary look at the bar. Waving bye, Tori went to join the girls. As I let myself out of the restaurant, Jade followed me with her eyes, a sullen expression on her face.
Cat's Perspective:
"File in! Take your seats!" Lane shouted from the stage as everyone entered the auditorium.
Taking a seat next to Tori. I was just settling in when Robbie rushed to get the seat on my left. Sitting his stuff on the floor in front of him, he looked at me with a sheepish smile. "Hey."
"Hey." I mumbled.
"I wanted to say..."
"Everyone, take your seats!" Lane repeated.
"Sit down!" Sikowitz grabbed the mic and bellowed into it. Handing it back, he jumped off the stage and went to sit with the rest of the faculty.
"Thank you, Erwin." Lane cleared his throat. "First of all, I want congratulate you all for making it this far. In just five short months, you'll be walking across the stage and receiving your diplomas. Those five months are going to be a busy time for you. You not only need to work extra hard in your extracurricular classes, but you also need to make sure you're putting your all into your core classes. Mr Baker asks me to remind you that, despite being a performance arts school, this is still a school. Math, Science and History matter, too."
"Boo!" A group of boys at the back started crowing.
"I mean it...Now, let's get on to announcing the big trip!" He grinned. The entire auditorium erupted into cheers. Waiting until we calmed down, he continued. "The faculty has decided that the budget is big enough and grades are good enough to warrant a trip outside the states for all students with a B average or higher. Since everyone has already done enough fundraising to afford most of the costs, the school has decided to cover the deficit and take all eligible Seniors to...drum roll, please..."
Jumping on stage, Andre sat at a drum set and started up a drum roll. As the tension built, some kid at the back of the room stood up and shouted, "Where are we going?"
"England!" Lane finally announced. "We'll be heading out in three weeks, on February first. We'll spend three days exploring London, and then we'll be attending a two day acting and directing workshop ran by Tim Burton!"
The entire auditorium jumped to their feet. Not even the normally pissy Jade could hide her delight. Turning to Tori, I clasped hands with her. "Tim Burton!"
"I know! Even I know who he is!" She grinned.
Lane couldn't get a word in edge wise after the announcement. Dismissing us to our first period classrooms, we talked about things we would want to do in London the whole way there. While Jade and Tori talked about the acting workshop, Tim Burton and potential clothes shopping, I thought about the last book I read set in London.
'The Other Boleyn Girl'. It's one of the few I wisely never tried to bring home, for fear my mother would see it. It had been embarrassing to read the dirtier scenes but I really liked it. To think I'd actually get to see the same things the characters got to see. Hampton Court, the River Thames...
"Do you think we'll get to visit the Tower of London?" I asked as we took our seats in Sikowitz's class.
"Duh, we better." Jade nodded firmly. "I want to see the torture chambers."
"Why do you want to see the Tower of London, Cat?" Tori paled at the mention of torture.
"I want to see the cell Anne Boleyn stayed in." I admitted, recalling all I've read on the history of England's most infamous queen.
"Aww, you do pay attention in History. I'm so proud of you." Tori cooed. Something about her tone rubbed me the wrong way. I was an airhead in the past, I'll admit it, but I've always been a good student.
"I want to see the executioner's block. The one they used for all the big names." Jade grinned evilly. "You think they have it?"
"Why are you so morbid?" Tori frowned.
"I like to be." Jade shrugged.
"They say the Tower's haunted." Andre joined in on the conversation. Like, seriously haunted. A lot of people died horrible deaths there."
"Exactly." Jade looked ready to bite the bowl off the spoon, she was so excited.
"Alright, time for class. We'll have all the time in the world to talk about the trip later." Sikowitz interrupted our group talk. Turning in our seats, we tried our best to participate, our minds elsewhere.
Later in the day, during our final class, we all settled into our seats for Mr Baker's World History. Last semester, just before Winter break, we had been reading 'The Diary of Anne Frank'. It was one of the most enjoyable books I've ever read.
"Sit." Mr Baker glared down at us from his position at his podium. "I've been taking it far too easy on you. Just before Winter break, after we finished our assigned novel, I had you each write six journal entries from the point of view of an imaginary person from your favorite point in history. The entries you turned in were short, lazy, not well researched at all and, frankly, disappointing. Many of you turned the assignment in late, too. You're all Seniors. Is this really the quality you think is sufficient? How do you think things will go in college? Do you think your professors will let you turn in effortless work days past the due date? Believe me, they won't."
"We didn't really have a lot of time in December." Tori spoke up. "There was the monthly Jam, a school dance and a play. I helped with all three."
Most of the class agreed with her. "Miss Vega, where do you intend on going to college?"
"Hollywood Arts University." She shrugged. "I got my acceptance letter this morning."
Andre leaned over and congratulated her.
"I see...Well, Miss Vega, I must inform you that Hollywood Arts University is easy to get accepted to for students of this school but very difficult to stay in. Not only are you expected to pass all quarterly reviews in your performance classes, you also have to maintain a 3.0 GPA or higher. Core classes are required. You, at some point, will be expected to take a couple History classes, like this one. You'll find that those professors are far less understanding than I am. They won't accept late or poorly researched work. If you fail to meet their standards, you'll be expelled without hesitation. I'd like to think giving you an entire week to write those six journal entries, one page each, was plenty of time. Such a simple assignment given to you at HAU will have a due date of as little as one to two days. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
Tori sunk down in her seat. "Yes, sir..."
"Now, I've been talking with the rest of the faculty about this. My suggestion was to deny you the Senior field trip."
You'd think he'd just fired a gun in the classroom by everyone's reactions. Even I was ready to panic. It took everything to convince my mom to let me go on the trip when the school first started having us raise money. Luckily, I had her sign all the permission forms during one of her rare good moods.
"You can't do that!" Andre stood up, outraged.
"Yeah, we worked really hard to raise money for the trip." Tori chimed in. Jade looked about ready to lunge across the room.
"Sit down." Mr Baker glowered. Doing as he said, we waited for him to continue. "Luckily, everyone else thinks this is too harsh. Instead, they've agreed to let me give you an assignment that must be completed before the time of the trip. All those that fail the assignment forfeit the trip. Deal?"
Mumbling unhappily, everyone nodded. Andre spoke up. "What's the assignment?"
"You'll be repeating your assignment before the Winter holidays. This time, you'll make twelve journal entries. Each entry must be one page long. You will write from the point of view of a person living in your favorite time period before 1950. You must do your research and make it apparent that you have in these entries. I'll even offer extra credit to anyone who binds their journal pages and makes them look authentic. I recommend staining the pages with tea or coffee."
While none of us were happy about the sudden assignment, we weren't exactly in a position to disagree. Opening my History notebook, I wrote the details down on a blank sheet of paper. I can't afford to fail the assignment...
After class, I walked with Tori to the lockers. Dropping off our books, I listened to her gripe about the assignment. "There's only 15 days between now and the trip. There's gonna be a lot going on. I don't have time to make another diary on top of everything else. I'm supposed to perform a solo at the next Jam.
"Get over it." Jade joined us. "Let's just go and find some journals at the book fair while it's still open."
"Aren't we supposed to make it from scratch?" Tori frowned.
"I don't think so." I told her. "I plan to buy mine."
"Sure, I guess. Let's go."
Heading for the gymnasium, we walked through the various booths still set up. Stopping by one selling journals, we looked at their meager remaining selection.
"This one." Jade picked up a black and red journal with faux torn edged pages.
"I'm writing from the point of view of a girl going to school during World War 2, so I'll use this one." Tori chose a simple lavender cloth bound journal.
Lifting a few journals from the stack, I spotted one bound in genuine brown leather, with a brass lock. Using the key to open it, I admired the unlined yellowed pages. It far exceeds my journal at home. "This one, please."
I handed her the remains of my weekly spending money. Taking my purchase, I headed for the exit with Tori and Jade.
"What time period are you two writing about?" Tori asked.
"Middle ages. From the point of view of a prisoner at the Tower of London." Jade shrugged. "Lots of opportunities to describe torture. I'll make Mr Baker regret assigning us extra work."
"Don't get yourself expelled..." Tori gave Jade a concerned look. I couldn't quite tell if she was concerned for Jade or by Jade. "Well, what about you, Cat?"
"I'm not sure." I admitted. "I'll think about it."
Out in the parking lot, Tori got in Trina's car and Jade started walking home. About to do the same, I was nearly out of the parking lot when Beck stopped by me in his car. "Need a ride?"
"Sure." I quickly got in, relieved not to make the five mile trip on foot. It looks like it's going to rain. Buckling up, I relaxed as Beck headed for my house.
"You've been walking to and from school. Didn't you have a car?"
"My mom sold it. Financial difficulties." I explained, not wanting to go into any more detail. In truth, mom and I are fine financially. She sold the car to keep me at home more often.
"Yeah, I know how that is." Beck grimaced. "I hear your class with Mr Baker got in some trouble."
Oh, that's right. Beck has Mr Baker sixth period, not seventh. "Yeah. We have to repeat last semester's assignment, with double the entries. What about you?"
"Our class didn't get extra work. I'm sorry. That really bites. It's gonna be really busy, this month."
"I'm not sure what time period to write about."
"What do you like?"
"I like the Victorian and Edwardian eras. I don't really like the Tudor era."
"Why not?" He smiled.
"Too stressful." I frowned. "Too much risk of saying the wrong thing and losing my head."
"Every era of History is stressful." He said with humor. He paused to change the radio station. When he found a song he liked, he glanced back at me. "Let me know if you need any help. I know a little about the Victorian era."
"Thank you."
For the remainder of the drive, we stayed silent. I didn't really want to talk and Beck seemed to be mulling over something. "Listen, Cat. About what Robbie did...He's an idiot, but he's really not a bad guy. I hope things aren't too weird between you two."
"If you and Jade can stay friends after things go sour, I can stay friends with Robbie." I said simply.
My answer seemed to startle him. I'm not sure if it was my words or the fact they're coming from me.
"Right..."
"That is, if you plan to." I didn't really mean to say that. But, I am curious. After Jade's crazy behavior at the Full Moon Jam, things have been super tense between her and Beck. He hasn't gone out of his way to say two words to her, since. They haven't outright ended their friendship but things aren't getting better, either.
"You mean...stay friends with Jade?"
"Yeah." I murmured.
"I'm not sure...It's been two months since the Full Moon Jam and it's like I'm still in shock. She's done a lot of crazy things but she's never tried to attack someone like that...I don't know if my friendship with her can survive this." Beck paled. "Uh...please don't tell Jade I said any of this."
"I don't talk to Jade." I assured him. "Not about anything personal."
Beck parked the car in front of my house. "Speaking of personal..."
"Thanks." I immediately got out of the car. Running around the back of it, I ran up my drive and let myself into the house. Checking the clock, to make sure mom is still at work, I let myself into my room and sat down with my new journal. I opened to the first page and wrote down my full name.
This Journal Belongs to...
Caterina Nicole Valentine
Thinking on the various dates I know, I closed the journal and slipped it into my bag, so that I'd remember to bring it to class, tomorrow. Checking to make sure mom is still gone, I pulled out my actual journal and started filling out a new entry.
Beck's Perspective:
The weekend went by painfully slow for me. I spent half the time hiding from my dad and the other half doing homework. Even without the extra History assignment Mr Baker's seventh period has to do, his classwork is always brutal. Considering there's another Jam planned before the big trip, which usually requires a ton of behind the scenes technical work, I'm not sure how Tori, Jade, Cat, Robbie and Andre are going to manage. From what I hear, Tori's name was drawn for a solo, which will take even more time. I could see about volunteering more hours this weekend, to free up some homework time for Andre and Tori, the Jam's biggest contributors.
Getting out of my car, I walked into the school. I was so preoccupied with my thoughts, I nearly slammed into a vending machine when Cat popped up beside me. I put a hand to my chest.
"You really need a bell." I turned to face her.
"So, I spent the weekend considering different time periods I could write about for Mr Baker's assignment..." She began, ignoring the bell comment. "I think I'd be more comfortable writing about the Victorian era. 1870-1890 are the decades I'm most knowledgeable about."
"Uh huh." I nodded, not sure where she's going with this.
"Did you mean it when you said you'd help me?"
I raised a brow, surprised. This has to be the most social Cat's been in a long time. "Sure. How can I help?"
"The book fair closed, so I need to rely on library materials for the assignment. I can't tell you why, but my mom put a ban on my school library account. I'm not allowed to check anything out. I was wondering if I could use your card and keep the books here, in my locker."
"Your mom...banned you from checking out books?" I racked my brain for an obvious reason. Maybe Cat doesn't treat library books well enough for the privilege and her mom is being proactive. No, that's not right...All last semester, Cat checked out books like crazy. She was always reading things before, after and even during classes. She always took great care of the books and even turned them in early.
"Will you help me?" She looked up at me with hands clasped. Even without the extra effort, I could tell this was important to her. She looked about ready to cry. If I told her no, she probably would.
"Yeah, sure." I shrugged. "What the heck. You go ahead and I'll meet you at the check out desk after I stop by my locker."
A rare smile lit up her face. "Thank you, Beck."
Slipping past me, she went into the library. Pulling off my backpack, I put it in my locker, the books I'd need for the first two hours in hand. I was about to meet Cat at the library when Jade rounded the corner. After months of ignoring me, I expected her to pass by. Instead, she stopped next to me.
"Hey." She mumbled.
"Hey." I sounded the word out, thrown off. Two people I know are currently acting out of character. What's going on?
"I saw you pass by me on your way home, yesterday. Why was Cat in your car? You never give her rides."
"I'm normally already gone when Cat leaves the school. Today, we both were lagging behind. I thought I'd give her a ride...Why?"
Jade looked over my shoulder, at my locker, as if the transparent door would answer her question better than I could. Her eyes began to darken as she zeroed in on my neck. It was then that I remembered the hickey-like bruise. "No reason."
"Then, why did you ask?" I felt a flicker of old irritation rise up. The same irritation that followed me like a ghost through my entire relationship with Jade.
Jade glared. "I don't have to have a reason. And while we're talking about it, why were you offering to let her use your library card? What's wrong with hers?"
"Why were you eavesdropping on our conversation?"
"Just answer the question." She threw her arms up and let them fall back to her sides.
"Did you hit your head on the way to school?" I looked around the halls. More students were starting to arrive. Some were stopped to watch our argument, looking for a show. Grabbing Jade's arm, I dragged her towards the janitor's closet, our go to place for loud discussions in the past.
Normally, she'd fight me every step of the way. Not today. The moment we were shut in the closet, she spun me around kissed me. I was so shocked, it took a moment to react. When I had control of my brain again, I gently pushed her off. I shook my head, at a loss for words.
"Isn't that what you wanted?" She tried stepping forward. I walked backwards, maintaining the distance, until she had my back to a wall.
"No, it wasn't. Isn't."
She crossed her arms, unconvinced. "You always used to drag me in here to make out."
"We also used to hide in here to fight. We fought more often than anything else. Why would you assume anything but that is going to happen?" I ran a hand through my hair, about ready to pull it out. I've gotten this far in telling her off. Might as well go all the way. "I want to know why you're acting like we're still together. I don't have to justify who I give the time of day to. If I want to give Cat rides home or help her with an assignment, I will. Hell, if I decided to date Cat, you wouldn't have a leg to stand on."
"Oh!" Jade looked about ready to knock my lights out. I started second guessing my every decision for the last five minutes. I really shouldn't have dragged her in here. I just hate public fights. Jade lives for them...I better leave.
Slipping past her, I put my hand on the door handle. "For the record, I'm not interested in Cat. What I said still stands. I don't have to justify who I spend time with."
Swinging the door open, I left the closet and headed straight for class. The bell's about to ring. Sorry, Cat...I'll find her after school.
Cat's Perspective:
Checking the clock above the library doors one last time, I sat the books on a nearby table and hurried towards class. Halfway there, I ran into Jade, also running late. Slamming into her, we both hit the hard tile floor at the same time. "Ow..."
"Watch it!" Jade barked. I looked up, wondering for a second if she realized who she ran into, only to be met with her icy gaze. She knows. What's wrong with her?
"Sorry." I squeaked. Getting up, I offered her a hand. She ignored it. Standing to her full height, she stared down at me, lips pursed.
"You know, only sluts date their friend's exes."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I whispered.
"Just a fact." Shrugging, she walked off.
It took the bell ringing to get me to move. Still bewildered, I wandered into class. Giving me a faux stern look, Sikowitz marked me as here and started teaching us a new improvisation exercise. Looking over at Beck, we exchanged a look. Mine confused, his remorseful. He mouthed the word 'later'. I nodded.
Going about my day, I was heading for lunch when later finally arrived. Finding me before I could enter the cafeteria, he gestured towards the library. "I'm not sure how much time you'll have after school, so we'll get the books now, okay?"
"Kay, kay." I followed him. The kind librarian had stacked my books behind the counter for me. Smiling gratefully, I let Beck check them out. Heading for my locker, I listened as he explained why he didn't show up, earlier.
"I ran into Jade. I'm not sure what's up with her. Just try to steer clear of her for a while, okay? Give her a chance to calm down."
I nodded. "Sure. I ran into her, too. She was being really cryptic. I'm not sure what was wrong. It's like I did something to upset her."
In fact, I'm sure I did. She acted as if I killed her childhood pet. I've never seen her look at anyone that way except the women who flirt with Beck.
"It's nothing." Beck shook his head. "Let's drop it...Why don't you tell me what angle you want to go with for your journal."
"Uh, sure. I was thinking I could write from the point of view of a lower middle class Victorian woman who's family is going through financial struggles that might just throw them into poverty. Last year, we learned a lot about working class people during the Victorian era. I could incorporate some of that information with the stuff in these books. I'm used to writing in a journal, so twelve entries shouldn't be too hard. I'm sure I could write more, just to ensure I get a passing grade."
"You better." Beck smiled. "I want all my friends in England."
"Me too." Stopping to buy food, we joined our friends at our usual lunch table. It wasn't until I sat down that I realized just how tense things currently are. Jade is glaring at both me and Beck, Robbie is avoiding eye contact with me and Tori is too distracted by what Andre is saying to notice and mediate, like she normally would. From what Tori told me last time we hung out, she and Andre might be kind of dating.
"Cat, you still up for a solo? Someone dropped out of the Jam." Andre asked me. I shook my head. "I can't. I need to study."
"Can't you study at home?" Tori turned to ask me.
"Uh..." No, not really. Studying at home requires bringing home books. Books spotted by my mother are subject to inspection. If any aspect of it contains what she calls 'unsuitable information', the book will be destroyed. If she destroys a library or school assigned book, the money to replace it is coming out of my pocket money. I'm barely going to have any extra money for London as is.
"Cat's going to be doing some extra credit for Mr Baker, to up her grade before the big trip. I've offered to help her put something together. It'll take up a lot of time, so neither of us are going to be able to participate in the Jam. We'll help with set up when we can."
I stared up at Beck as he spoke, wide-eyed. I resisted the urge to give him a grateful smile. Jade would look into it too much. Whatever I've said to him lately, he seems to get I don't want people to know the truth. In all technicality, he will be helping me with an assignment.
"No prob, little red. How about you, Jade? Want a solo?"
"I guess I can sing." Jade acquiesced, as if she was doing Andre a great service.
"Great. We're set." Finishing his burger, Andre threw the trash away and started heading for the door. "I gotta help with the sound board for the show. You coming, Tori?"
"Yeah!" Practically leaping up, she followed Andre inside. I sighed inwardly, wishing they hadn't. They were the only two keeping the table's conversation light.
"I gotta go, too." Robbie excused himself almost right away. Watching him run off, I glanced at the only two remaining occupants at the table. This is tense...
"Robbie has a slot in the Jam, I hear." Beck mentioned, his eyes on his food.
"That's new." Jade snorted. "What's he going to do?"
"No idea. I just heard people talk about it."
Glaring at her veggie wrap, Jade lifted the cover of one of my books. "'19th Century English History'?"
"For Mr Baker's assignment. The library has a book on the Middle Ages, too." I tried to recommend, in an attempt to keep the conversation light and flowing.
"I know that. Do you think I'm stupid or something?" Jade snapped.
"N-no."
"It was just a recommendation, Jade. Relax." Beck snapped back.
"Since when is there some big extra credit assignment you have to help Cat with? I have Mr Baker seventh hour, too. He gave us the same assignment. If I can do it on my own, so can she."
"Just drop it."
As the two continued to fight back and forth, my heartbeat started to raise. Panic beat at the corners of my thoughts, urging me to break down like I started to the other night, while my mother burned the books. Dropping my fork into my salad, I put a hand to my mouth, nauseous.
"All I'm saying is you could try not making ignorant assumptions every time I speak to another human being." Beck told Jade.
"So, now I'm ignorant?"
Pushing away from the table, I practically tripped over my bag. Leaving it and the books where they lay, I ran inside and made my way towards the nearest bathroom. Kneeling in front of a toilet, I wretched up what little of my lunch I was able to get down, as well as the remains of my breakfast. I stumbled to the sink and rinsed out my mouth. As I dried my hands, I leaned heavily against the walls.
I haven't thrown up during a burst of anxiety since I was little. This insane past year has brought it back.
Someone knocked on the bathroom door. "Cat?"
"Beck?" I rasped, my voice hoarse.
"Will you come out here when you're ready?"
Throwing away the paper towel in my hands, I took a breath and opened my door. Beck stood in the center of the hall, my purse and books in his hands. Sighing, I took them from him. "You didn't have to do that."
"Actually, I did. Jade tried throwing them in the dumpster...Are you alright? Your face is flushed. Do you have a fever?" He put a hand towards my face. I instinctively flinched, a reflex reaction. Beck jerked his hand back like I'd bit him. "Sorry...Do you want to go to the nurse?"
"No." I immediately answered. Definitely not. I'm sure I have a fever. I can feel it. But, if I go to the nurse, they'll call my mom. I can't miss any school, or I'll fall behind and miss the trip.
Stumbling towards my locker, I put all my things away and shut it. Maybe, if I laid down in one of the empty classrooms until after lunch...
"Cat?" Beck called for me. His voice sounded far away. Everything's hazy. I'm fainting...I can feel it. "Cat!"
Spinning towards the direction I thought Beck's voice came from, I took one shaky step forward. Then, the world went dark.