!Cat has regular fainting spells in the series, whenever her anxiety is high. I thought an iron deficiency might explain them. High stress can burn through iron reserves. This should make for a dramatic factor in future chapters.
"Spinning towards the direction I thought Beck's voice came from, I took one shaky step forward. Then, the world went dark."
Chapter Two
Cat's Perspective:
I spent an undetermined amount of time in a sort of trance. I couldn't see or hear anything, but I could feel. I felt myself being lifted off the cold ground. I felt the warmth of someone's chest, the feel of a heartbeat against my cheek. The jostling of being carried somewhere. I knew I should remember who it was I was with before fainting, but it alluded me. Everything felt so far away.
No sooner did my back touch a cold surface did my senses return. My eyes locked with Beck's as he stood back up. Waving a hand in front of my face, he looked towards someone just out of my line of vision. "I think she's still in shock."
"What exactly happened?" The familiar voice of Nurse Paxton asked. Crossing the room, she went to stand above me. Shining her little pocket flashlight in both of my eyes, she smiled when I winced. "You're alright. Mr Oliver tells me you had quite a fall, Miss Valentine. Luckily, you didn't get the chance to hit your head. Do you remember anything?"
I nodded. Looking behind her, I gave Beck a grateful look. "You caught me."
"Barely. You sure you're okay?" He furrowed his brows, his concern still apparent.
"Just a fainting spell. Due to Miss Valentine's moderate iron deficiency, they can happen. Stress seems to always make them worse, don't they?" Nurse Paxton assured us both, as if she sees it all the time. In truth, back when I first started attending Hollywood Arts, my father came in and informed her of my medical history, so she's likely been expecting me. "I suggest you return to lunch when you're feeling up to it and get something with spinach. You're looking a little pale, today. Are you in the middle of your cycle? That can cause your iron levels to drop."
My face flushed at the mention of my period. Doing the same, Beck gestured towards the door. "I'll go get your books."
Slipping back into the hall, he left me to answer a few more of the well meaning Nurse Paxton's embarrassing questions. Assuring her I didn't need to go home, I got off the vinyl cot and let myself out. Rounding the corner, I found Beck next to the lockers, holding my things. I took them from him and went to put them in my locker, unsure of what to say.
"Thank you." This really is embarrassing. I've taken up far too much of his lunch time. And mine, for that matter.
"You should eat." We spoke in unison. Returning my awkward smile, he gestured towards the cafeteria doors. "How about a spinach and artichoke panini?"
"Sounds great." Now that the stressful situation had passed, my appetite started to return. Following him back outside, we headed straight for the food truck. Returning to our usual table, I sighed in relief to find it empty. Wherever Jade's run off to, it's clear she no longer views me the way she used to. The changes I've been going through mentally are obvious enough for her to worry about me spending time with Beck, the way she worries about Tori.
I paused halfway through eating my panini. Noticing, Beck pushed the paper tray towards me. "You look sad."
"Jade doesn't want to be my friend anymore...Does she?"
For a second, I was sure he was going to lie about it. Sighing, he shrugged. "I don't know. She's been pushing a lot of people away."
It's true. Something in Jade snapped the night of the October Full Moon Jam. A shift in the way she views everyone. Prior to Beck's date with Meredith, things had gotten better. Jade seemed to accept the fact Beck was moving on. Maybe, that was because, prior to the Jam, she had never had to watch it happen. But in the moment Meredith leaned over and tried to kiss Beck, for everyone at the event to see, it became real. Whatever Beck once felt for Jade is clearly gone and Jade can't stand it. She panicked and did the only thing she knows how to do...lash out.
"I'm not trying to date you." I blurted out. Considering what Jade said before class today, I figured it needs to be said. "She thinks I am. I just want you to know."
"I know that." He half smiled. "It's a foreign concept to Jade but I do view you and Tori as friends. When a friend needs help, we help. That doesn't mean either of us are trying something. And even if..."
He trailed off, his expression incredulous, as if he couldn't believe what he was about to say. "Even if?"
He let out a breath. "Even if we were interested in each other, that's none of Jade's business. I just wish she could understand that. Her interfering the way she has is only going to hasten our eventual falling out. I've always taken a casual stance to friendships. If we get along, we're friends, and I can usually get along with anyone. But, even I have hard limits. My past relationship with Jade has shown me that. I know it's not always the case, but I feel it hardly ever works out when exes try to remain friends. There will come a point when she will have to let go. It needs to happen before I start dating again. I don't want to be responsible for the friend group splitting, but I would hope everyone else can see why it has to happen."
"I do." I immediately answered as soon as he stopped to take a breath. "I think, all things considered, you know which side I choose..."
He examined my melancholy expression for a moment. "But, that makes you sad."
"I just thought my friendship meant more to Jade than it does." I admitted. "Maybe, it does, and she's hiding it. I can't explain it, but I'm struggling to make the same excuses for her that I used to."
"I put up with her attitude for years because I was dating her. There has to be a limit. Maybe, you're finding yours. If she's incapable of telling her friends that they matter to her and insists on treating them like shit to make up for how she's been feeling, she shouldn't be surprised when she loses them."
I nodded along with everything he said. "Exactly."
Returning my eyes to my panini, I did my best to finish it. Reaching behind me, I tossed the trash in a bin just as the warning bell rang. The patio seating quickly cleared out as everyone rushed not to be late to fifth period. Doing the same, Beck and I separated after stopping by our lockers. Entering my French foreign language class, I tried to ignore Jade's icy glares from across the room. Judging by her animosity, it's almost as if she heard everything Beck and I were talking about at lunch.
I hope not. I don't really know if it's wise to keep Jade as my friend, but I certainly don't want her as an enemy.
Two & A Half Weeks Later
Beck's Perspective:
"Your journal entries are from 1888, correct?" I asked Cat. She and I had been meeting before school everyday for the past week, to work on homework. Whatever was preventing her from being able to take books home, I didn't ask. If she wants me to know, she'll tell me.
"Yes." She nodded.
"Have you considered mentioning Jack the Ripper? That's the year he committed his main murders. In August, I think."
"He only targeted prostitutes." She frowned. I had to do a double take. Did that word really come out of Cat's mouth?
"Yes, but it was common knowledge. People would have gossiped about it. There were probably plenty of middle and upper class people writing about it in their journals. You could mention your character read about his most recent killing in a newspaper she took from her father's office."
Cat nodded along as I spoke, seemingly agreeing with my suggestion.
"Sure. I can put that in, now." Filling out the rest of her journal entry, she capped her pen and shut the book. "Done."
"Was that the last entry?"
"I did fourteen entries, just to be safe. I'll turn it in, today. I'll text you after I get my grade."
"Sure." Gathering up our books, we left the library and slowly made our way towards Sikowitz's class. Along the way, we spotted Tori and Andre sitting on the stairs, talking about something. As they spoke, their faces leaned inward, like they were both trying to initiate a kiss.
Cat smiled. "Awww."
You'd think they had just been electrocuted judging by how fast they shot apart. Blushing, Tori hurried to join us. "Nearly class time?"
"Nearly. Don't let us interrupt." I raised a brow.
Tori giggled nervously. "It's nothing. We were just talking about the Jam, last night. You two weren't there."
"Homework." I explained. Cat had asked me if I'd be willing to skip the Jam. She said she got permission to attend it from her mother, but that the time would be better delegated towards school. Seeing as Jade's temporary suspension from school activities had finally been lifted, I figured it would be best if I wasn't standing in the audience during her performance.
"I finished my assignment for Mr Baker's class." Cat smiled.
"Already? There's still two days." Tori groaned. "I still have five entries to write. I can't keep up. With my other classes, after school activities and the regular classwork in Mr Baker's class, I just don't have time."
"Is there anything you can cut out?" I asked.
"I guess I could just go straight home after school, tonight. But, Andre's invited me to work on a song with him."
"Is he getting the assignment done?"
"Yeah, I finished it." Andre hurried to join us. "World War two is my specialty. Before my grandpa passed away, he used to tell me all the stories from his army days."
"What if we all had a group study session today, after school?" Tori suggested.
"I can't." Cat frowned. "My mom wants me straight home."
"She didn't use to make you go home so quickly. What's going on?" Tori pressed.
"Nothing." Cat answered quickly. Too quickly. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. Does anyone else want to meet up?"
"Sure." Andre agreed.
"I can make time." I'd honestly rather do anything that would delay going home. Dad's been a nightmare since my Stanford rejection letter arrived. Considering the exclusivity of the school, I don't know what he expected...
Entering the classroom, Tori tapped Robbie on the shoulder. "Group study session, today after school. You in?"
"Yeah." Robbie shot a quick glance at Cat. He's in for a rude surprise if he's thinking he can use the study session to cozy up to Cat, even if she planned on going. Even the perpetually optimistic Tori seems to be accepting that Cat doesn't want to be with Robbie.
"Jade? What about you?" Tori asked as Jade entered the classroom right as the bell rang.
"Whatever it is, no." She plopped down in her chair.
"I'll buy coffee." Tori offered.
"Fine. I guess. It better be a frozen mocha with a triple espresso shot."
"You got it."
I let out a silent breath, wishing I had made up an excuse. If things were tense between Jade and me before, they've been unbearable, lately. It's like she's always gunning for a fight. Half the time, I have to eat lunch in the library with Cat, just to avoid the drama.
The passive aggressive comments about the time I've been spending with Cat have even made Tori question things. Luckily, she's easier to convince than Jade. I can't imagine how this has been stressing Cat out. Whatever triggered her fainting spell a while back, I don't want a repeat of it. In the time it took me to carry her dead weight to the nurse's office, I called Jade every name imaginable under my breath, convinced it must've been the arguing that tipped Cat over the edge.
While it probably was an iron deficiency issue, I don't want Cat to have to deal with the fighting. It's not good for her and, frankly, it's not good for me. I'm not a person that rises to the occasion. I've always been good about avoiding or ignoring arguments. But, lately, even I've been at my limit. It's one thing for Jade to pick apart things I've actually done, like go out of my way to have a conversation with a female classmate. It's another thing to be accused of something I'm obviously not guilty of.
The thing that got to me the most was being called out on communicating with Cat, someone Jade's never had a problem with before. I'll be the first to admit that I've enjoyed my talks with Cat a lot more since she's opened up, but this is ridiculous. I'm not going to throw a grenade into our friend group by framing my mind towards dating someone Jade is friends with, whether they're struggling to stay friends or not.
I can't tell if Jade is looking for new reasons to be angry with me or if her distrust of Cat is genuine. Either way, it needs to stop, even if I have to call her out on it. Even though it would probably be better to get it out of the way before the trip, I'm strongly considering bailing on the group study session. The last thing any of us wants is Jade in an even more volatile mood during a time when we all should be enjoying ourselves. This trip seems really important to Cat. I'm not about to ruin it.
Cat's Perspective:
Making my way home, I sent a text to Beck, to let him know Mr Baker had already given me back my grade. Not only did I pass the assignment, he gave me extra credit points. Taking the journal back, I tore out the assignment pages and made plans to use it as my new personal journal.
I can't wait for the school trip. In just two days, I'll get to be away from my mother for a whole week, counting travel time. The mere thought of getting away from her sent such a wave of exhilaration through me, it made me pause. Do I really hate being around her that much? I didn't feel that way before dad left. Then again, she wasn't this unbearable before he left. She was distant. So distant, it's like I hardly knew her. Maybe, she was always like this and dad did a lot to hide it. If he loved me enough to make sure I had a good childhood, why did he cut me out of his life..? Why wasn't leaving mom enough. Did he have to leave his kids, too?
My phone vibrating pulled me out of my thoughts. Answering it, I tried to keep my tone light. "Hi, mom."
"I'll be getting home late. You'll be on your own for dinner, tonight."
"Do you want me to make extra for when you get home?" I asked her as I reached the house. Letting myself in, I tossed my school bag on the couch and went to check the fridge's contents.
"No, I'll be fine. Eat something healthy. No sweets."
I tried not to let disappointment color my tone as I ended the conversation. Hanging up, I shut the fridge and brought my school stuff upstairs. With my homework done, I had the next few hours to do nothing but copy my journal contents into my new journal. I tried my best to make my handwriting as neat as possible.
By the time I finished the final entry, mom was just getting home. Slipping the journal into my bedside drawer, I had just put my notebook back in my school bag when she came upstairs.
"Did you eat?" She asked.
"Yes." I lied.
"Homework finished?"
"Yes."
"When is the school trip?"
"This Saturday. I'll need my passport."
"You should have reminded me earlier." She tsked. "Clean your room. I'll see if I can find it."
"Yes, ma'am." I didn't hesitate to listen. I'll do whatever she asks until I leave for the trip. I'm not about to ruin this for myself.
I really hope the touring portion of the trip includes a tour of a castle or two. There's so many places I want to see. Mom is sending me to London with fifty dollars in spending money. It's not much, but it could get me a couple really nice souvenirs, like a piece of jewelry I could wear all the time.
Losing myself in my thoughts, I finished cleaning up my room and organizing what books I do own on my little bookshelf. I was about to put the few stuffed animals my mom hasn't thrown out on the shelf as well when one was snatched out of my hand.
"Your father never should have encouraged you to keep these. You're seventeen."
Well, which is it? Either I'm a child too young to even read books or I'm a young adult too old for toys. If only I had the guts to say that...
I handed her the other plush toys, a little sad to see them go. It feels like my childhood fell apart the moment dad left. Looking at my room now, you'd never guess it used to be filled with toys. "I don't need them."
Tucking the toys under her arm, she handed me my passport. "Don't lose it. Make sure you're packed by Friday. I don't want you scrambling the morning of the trip."
"Yes, ma'am."
Reaching into her pocket, she handed me the promised fifty dollars. "As soon as you arrive, talk with your teacher about transferring it into pounds. If you lose it, that's it. I won't wire you more."
I immediately put it into my purse, along with my passport. Before I could thank her, she let herself out of my room. I quietly shut my door behind her before going to pull a packaged snack cake I left hidden in my dresser drawer. Eating it, I was in the process of hiding the wrapper when my phone began vibrating across my side table. I tensed as I read the name.
Robbie.
Mom hasn't been wild about me talking on the phone, lately. I shut myself in my bathroom, turned on the fan and answered.
"Hello?"
"Kitty Cat! Where are you?"
I winced at the nickname, unsure if it was the name itself or who was using it that bothered me more.
"I'm at home. My mom wouldn't let me stay out late."
"Aww. Can't you come out for a little? It's only seven thirty. I'll make sure you're home by nine. I'll walk you, myself."
No way. I'm not risking the trip over this. "Sorry. You guys have fun."
"Okay...See you tomorrow."
I hung up, dejected. It's not that I don't want to go out and have fun, anymore. I think everyone's convinced that's the case. That all these changes are my doing. It feels like all my friends are falling away from me, lately. Sometimes, I worry our friendships won't last until graduation. Once I can move out and apply for college, things will hopefully be different. Who knows...I might even start dating.
Beck's Perspective:
"I'm not writing about life at the royal court." Jade sneered.
"But, your story is set in Medieval England. You could write all about the royal family." Tori pouted.
"John Steele is a blacksmith making weapons for a society of rouges who want to assassinate the king. He's currently being interrogated at the Tower of London. He's never set foot in the palace. All he knows is the king's name." Jade explained for the third or fourth time. No matter how she keeps wording it, Tori just doesn't seem to understand that Jade's journal won't have a happy ending.
"It was just an idea." Tori returned her attention to her own journal. Writing a few words, she shot her head up, eyes light. "What about a jousting tournament. The king attends those. That could be how the rouges catch him off guard."
"Now, you're talking." Jade finished filling out an entry. Turning the page, she immediately started on another. She probably would already be done with the journal if she hadn't spent the first half hour of the study session burning the edges of the journal, to make it look older.
"You ever hear from Cat? How'd she do on the assignment?" Andre asked me as I went to sit by him as he fiddled with the music player he brought into our reserved study room.
"Cat texted and said she passed, too."
"Why is Cat texting you?" Jade raised an eyebrow. Even Robbie looked startled.
"She said she'd let us know how Mr Baker graded hers." I shrugged. "Why's it matter?"
"She could've texted someone else." Jade glared down at her journal.
"Now that you bring her up, is Cat alright?" Tori asked me. "I know things have been different for her, lately, but she never used to have trouble getting free time for school stuff. What's up?"
"I don't know." I really don't, whether Jade chooses to believe that or not. Cat's been vague.
"She never said anything?" Robbie asked.
"Nothing at all." Apart from the fact her mom put a ban on her library card. Whatever the reason, it's not my place to point it out to everyone.
"Maybe, after we finish up here, we could go visit her. It could be her mom just doesn't want her out of the house." Tori suggested.
"I don't think that's a good idea." I immediately nipped that notion in the bud. "It's getting late. We don't want to get her in trouble right before the big trip."
"Yeah, I guess so." Tori shut her journal. "Done."
"I don't think I've asked yet, but is Trina getting to go on the trip?" Andre asked Tori. At the end of the last school year, Trina ended up falling short of credit requirements to graduate after failing too many classes. How exactly she managed to convince the school to let her attend for another year and graduate with Tori, no one will ever know.
"Uh-huh." Tori's wide smile became strained.
"How?" Jade looked up at Tori, incredulous.
"She has Miss Philips for History, not Mr Baker."
"That explains it." Andre went to sit in the vacant seat next to Tori.
"How does that explain it?" Jade slammed her journal shut. "Your sister's an idiot. How did she manage to get high enough grades to qualify for the trip?"
"Hey, Trina's not an idiot. She's just..." Tori defensive attitude deflated. "Just...I really don't know."
"Miss Philips is notorious for passing students who don't deserve it." I explained. "Robbie had her last year. From what I've seen of his grades, he probably should have repeated eleventh grade."
"Hey." Robbie scoffed.
Rex's wooden head tilted up to look at Robbie. "Don't argue. Your eleventh grade report card looked like Jade's bra size progression chart. A, B, C, C, double D."
"Which do you care about less, your eyes or your tongue?" Jade asked Robbie point blank.
Robbie blanched. "Don't look at me. He said it."
"Yeah. Blame the dummy." Jade leaned back in her chair and kicked Robbie under the table.
"Don't call him a dummy. Ow!"
Downing the rest of her coffee, Jade tossed the cup in the trash and shoved her books back in her bag. "I'm leaving. You losers have fun."
"Andre and I will lock up and drop the study room key off at the office." Tori offered. "You done, Robbie?"
"Yeah, but I was thinking I could rewrite—."
"Okay, bye!" Tori practically pushed him out of the study room. Letting myself out as well, I glanced back through the door's window as Tori and Andre went to get comfortable in front of Andre's portable keyboard. If the two of them aren't officially dating by the end of the school trip, I'll really be surprised.
"What's with them?" Robbie stared back at them, too.
"Don't worry about it. Need a ride?"
"Nah. My Nana will be here, soon."
"See you tomorrow." I was about to head for the door when Robbie managed to catch the sleeve of my shirt. "Hey, just a second. About Cat..."
I tensed. "Robbie, I'm not the person to be asking about Cat. She's clearly not looking to date."
"I know and I get that. It's just that...Maybe, things might be different during the trip. She might feel more...amorous."
"Amorous?" I raised a brow. "Maybe. You really need to stop pushing the issue. Cat knows how you feel. If she has any feelings for you, she'll let you know. For now, you need to give her space."
"But, what if—."
"I gotta go, Robbie." I headed straight for the school doors, skipping the trip to my locker. This is getting ridiculous. She said no. Why is that so hard to comprehend?
Mumbling to myself, I was only a few feet away from my car before I noticed someone was leaning against it, arms crossed, eyes on her combat boots. Looking up at me, she shrugged. "I need a ride."
"Why?" Sidestepping her, I got straight into the car.
"You really want me walking around L.A. at night?"
Frowning, I leaned over and flipped the lock on the passenger side. She didn't hesitate to get in and make herself comfortable.
"Alright. I'm taking you straight home, though. No extra trips."
"Not even for coffee?"
"You already had coffee."
"I always liked the coffee maker in your RV."
I didn't have to look at her to know she was smirking. Avoiding her gaze, I pulled out of the lot and headed straight for her house. Luckily, Jade lives fairly close to Hollywood Arts. "You hate my coffee maker. You said, quote... 'It makes coffee so bad, it makes convenient store coffee taste like gourmet espresso."
"It was never that bad." Jade's tone seemed to shift. "I was only trying to convince you to upgrade some of your appliances."
Stopping the car in front of her house, I finally risked looking at her. "Get out, please."
"Beck—." Getting up on her knees, Jade started to lean forward. The feeling of panic it triggered was nearly enough to knock the breath out of me.
"I can't." I turned away just before she could plant a kiss. "This has to stop. This is the last time I'll ever let myself be alone with you."
For a tense moment, Jade remained where she was, her face close enough to mine, I could smell the coffee on her breath. Not too long ago, I think I would've caved and kissed her. Now, all her presence seems to do is leave me numb. My feelings for her have been replaced with something muted and almost resentful.
Snaking her arms around my shoulders, she leaned in and kissed my neck. "I'll wait."
Opening the driver's side door, she climbed over my lap and got out of the car. By the time I had the presence of mind to drive off, she was already across the lawn and letting herself inside.
Cat's Perspective:
I finished up my packing the night before the trip. Bringing my suitcase downstairs, I sat it by the door and placed my purse on top of it. Clothes, shoes, money, passport, toothbrush, toiletries...It's all packed. All that I need is my plane ticket. I can pick that up from the check-in desk at the airport. Mom's agreed to get up early and drive me there. Opening my purse, I put my journal inside. I want to keep it close to me during the flight.
Checking my neck, to make sure the diary key was still hanging from the gold chain I'd strung it on, I went to sit on the couch and watch a little tv before mom gets home. She's been working so late the past couple of days, I'm usually asleep by the time she gets home. It's given me some much needed time to catch up on things I haven't been able to do, like see what's going on in my favorite shows.
Laying my head on a couch pillow, I found myself drifting off halfway through an episode. Having a brief nightmare about someone standing over the back of the couch, I startled awake. The tv I knew I left on was off. A blanket had been thrown over me. Sitting up, I spotted mom kneeling on the floor next to my suitcase, her shoulders hunched. I was still so tired it didn't register to me at first what she had in her hands. When it did, I felt as if every ounce of blood drained from my body.
My journal. She'd broken the lock.
Crawling off the couch, I tried to round it gently enough not to alert her. I was nearly to the stairs when I banged the toe of my shoe on the leg of a side table. Mom turned around and rose to her feet in one swift motion. If I've ever seen her angry in the past year, nothing compared to this very moment. She looked so boiling mad, all she could seemingly do is stand there and shake.
"Controlling..? Abusive..? A gaslighting manipulator?" With every word, her voice grew louder. "This is what your therapist has been telling you about me? Spoon feeding you lies to turn you against me? After all I've done for you?"
"That's private." I mumbled, unable to put as much force behind my words as I wanted to.
"You're my child. Nothing is private." She smacked her open palm on the journal. Flipping forward several pages, she scrolled her finger over the words, looking for another line to argue over. "She keeps telling you all these lies. Why didn't you tell me? Answer me!"
I flinched. Tears welled in my eyes as I fought to keep my thoughts to myself. I can't tell her the truth. Not now. Not when there's still so much time before I can leave. "Dr Rhineheart is concerned."
"About what? What have I done that makes you both convinced I'm this abusive monster."
"She says it's not normal to withhold books meant for my age." I barely got the words out. "I shouldn't be reading children's books, still."
"That's because you shouldn't!" She slammed my journal shut. "I'm working so hard to try to make you grow up properly! Your father raised you all wrong and you still think and act like a child! If you're just thrown out into the world and handed all the information at once, you'll end up crashing and burning! You need to be given the information slowly, so that you can process it! That could take years!"
I shook my head as she spoke. That's wrong. That's so wrong...That's not how it is for me. In just the brief eight months I've been talking to Dr Rhineheart, I've already improved so much. I've broken free of the defense mechanisms I built during the years I had to live with my brother.
"That's not true!" I blurted out. "I am able to handle the information I'm learning. I'm not going to fall to pieces from reading a book meant for teenagers."
Dropping my journal on the floor, she rushed forward and grabbed my shoulders. It took her getting this close for me to see the utter hysteria in her tear-filled eyes. "No, Caterina. Don't you see? You grew up all wrong. Only six months ago, you were locking yourself in your room every day and playing with dolls. That's not normal. That's what I'm trying to fix. I'm doing this to help you."
I tried to back away from her. Slamming my back against the railing of the stairs, I wiped at my face. "You treat me like I'm as broken as my brother."
She shook her head. "Nothing is working. The therapy, the mental age appropriate outlets...My therapist, Dr Fitzgerald, has been recommending temporary commitment."
A cold chill shot down my spine. "No...No! You're not locking me up!"
"Caterina, calm down." She reached for me. "Calm. Down."
"Don't touch me!" Skirting around her, I backed towards the door. I paused to stoop down and grab my journal.
The panic on her face slowly ebbed as she attempted to approach me. It was replaced with a look of cold apathy. "You're not going on that trip. I know I can't trust you not to run off and disobey your chaperons."
"I'm going." I snapped. Reaching beside me, I grabbed my purse. "I'm going!"
"We're not going to talk about it, anymore. Go up to your room and put your clothes away." She help out her hand, expecting me to surrender my purse. Shoving my journal in it, I zipped it up and grabbed the handle of my rolling suitcase.
"I'll be eighteen in a month. I'm already at the age of consent for California. I'm going on the trip and you're not stopping me."
Opening the front door, I pushed open the screen and started to back out. Mom grabbed the handle of my suitcase and tried to pull me back in. "Caterina Valentine! Go to your room!"
"Let go!" Ripping the suitcase out of her clutches, I rushed down the porch steps and across the lawn. Reaching the street, I paused to look back at the house. Mom stood on the other side of the screen door, her expression so neutral, you almost couldn't tell we've been arguing. A strange tugging pulled at my chest. Something in me felt, if I continue to walk away, I'll never be able to return. More so...That if I don't keep walking away, things will become so much worse with my mother. One thing is for sure...Things cannot go back to the way they've been.
Dropping my gaze, I turned around and continued my journey to...anywhere. Anywhere but here.
Beck's Perspective:
"Where is it? Open this damn door!" Dad threw his full weight into the RV's door. When I returned home from school, I texted him to ask when he'd be home from work and whether he planned to hand over my passport. With a little over twelve hours until I'm expected to drive to the airport, I can't keep letting him give me the runaround. When it became clear he wasn't going to respond, I went right inside the main house, unlocked the safe and retrieved it myself.
It took all of about five minutes after he got home to realize it was missing and go on the warpath. I can't tell if he's angrier that I took it or that I opened the safe without permission. Probably both. He's been talking a lot about banning me from the Senior trip for failing to meet Stanford's qualifications. He even called up the school. From what I can tell, Lane promptly hung up the moment my dad started yelling expletives. I'd already gone to the office the day I turned eighteen and explained my living situation. It's no longer anyone's call whether I go on this trip but mine.
Rubbing my eyes, I laid back on the couch, put on my headphones and started playing music from my phone. Nights like this are the reason I moved into the RV in the first place. The reason I've been slowly moving all my important documents out of the main house and saving up any and all money I manage to get my hands on. As soon as I finish high school, I'm leaving. The RV's officially in my name. All I need is a place to park it and a part-time job to pay for utilities and other necessities. I can talk to Hollywood Arts University about a parking space and any programs they have that might help me find work. Once that's all arranged, I can focus on...
I really don't know. For the past year, ever since the school started talking to us about what would happen after graduation, I've been trying to frame my mind towards college. It's where all my friends are going and it's the best way to open doors to careers in the entertainment industry. It's the clear, logical path that I was first put on when I was accepted to Hollywood Arts High. What part of the industry I want to go into is less clear.
At first, it was singing, then acting. For a while, I thought I had found a niche as a playwright. I even weighed the pros and cons of avoiding film and pursuing a Broadway career. Each time, something about whatever I was exploring fell short for me. Something in the back of my mind would always nag at me, reminding me of something I've been avoiding thinking about until very recently...the reason I auditioned for Hollywood Arts at all.
Jade.
She was the one who wanted to be a singer. To be noticed. She spent most of of the two years we dated leading up to middle school graduation telling me exactly how it would go. She'd do a duet audition with me, we'd both be admitted, we'd spend four years working on our talent together and we'd be hired on by some record label fresh out of high school. This big plan was part of the reason I first was drawn to Jade. It showed passion. Drive. A desire to do more than go through the motions.
Despite having no interest in anything except mechanics at the time, I followed along with Jade's plan. I even found myself enjoying it. It all seemed to come naturally and I acknowledged the attention it brought me as modestly as I could. This was around the time Jade's jealousy spiked. I knew she could be a little crazy. The day I asked her out, she ended up getting suspended because she overheard one of her classmates telling her friends she had a crush on me. (To this day, Jade won't admit what exactly she did to the girl.) But, nothing compared to the insanity my success as a performer seemed to trigger.
Jade started convincing herself I was at Hollywood Arts for the attention, not because she asked me to go with her. If a girl flirted, that was my fault. If anyone complimented something I did, I was letting it go to my head. If I got a role in a play and she was passed over, it must be because one of the other cast members likes me and pulled some strings. Nothing I said or did made a difference. Jade had convinced herself long ago that the world was against her and, suddenly, I was part of the problem. The fact her attitude made no one want to work with her just solidified this theory.
The less support I felt coming from her, the less I could enjoy anything about my current life. I stopped enjoying acting or singing. It's been well over a year since I've picked up a pen and tried to write anything. I stopped working at my mom's mechanic shop because Jade didn't like it when my clothes smelled like car oil, which ultimately ended up ruining what little relationship I managed to maintain with my mom after my parents divorced. I couldn't even appreciate the freedom I once felt living on my own in the RV. I moved into it in the first place because my entire family dislikes Jade. I wanted us to have a place to hang out without my dad freaking out on us and trying to send her away.
I think, the night of the October Full Moon Jam, I was seriously considering taking Jade back. So much of my life has revolved around her since the day we started dating that each of our breakups felt like an out of body experience. Like all my purpose had been sucked up and taken away by her and bringing her back into my life was the only way to regain it. If she hadn't attacked Meredith, I think I might be with her, now. I know I would be...and I wouldn't be questioning everything in my life.
But, in the end, here I am. In just just four short months, I'll be graduating and attending a college I'm already accepted to and I don't even know if it's worth it. What's the point in attending a performance arts school if I don't even want to perform, anymore? What else am I good for? Mechanics? Sure, I guess. My mom taught me well and getting my certification would be a lot cheaper than going to HAU. Would my mom even take me back as her shop assistant if I asked? Dating Jade led me to burn a lot of bridges...I'm not sure if any are still salvageable.
Removing my headphones, I looked over at the RV's door. The banging stopped a while ago. Is that relationship salvageable? My dad's always been a dick that gets violent when he's drunk but it didn't used to be this bad. There were days when we wouldn't fight at all. That, I can't blame on Jade. The abuse would've gotten worse on its own, even if I hadn't insisted on moving out. Alcoholism is a pit that many don't manage to climb out of. He did that to himself. My relationship with him is one of the few bridges I can't bring myself to regret burning. It's hard to want to reconcile with someone who ruined so much through his drinking, his marriage and my trust included. Maybe, down the road, once he makes the conscious decision to recover...
I flinched when my phone began vibrating. It had fallen off my stomach and onto my side. Picking it up, I raised a brow. Cat? Since when does she make any calls this late at night? I answered.
"Cat, what is it?"
"I'm sorry!" She managed to squeak out. I immediately sat up.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm at the park on Grand street, up the road from my house. Do you think you could pick me up?"
She stuttered through the sentence, clearly struggling to speak. A strong gust of wind hit the RV. Even inside, I could feel how chilly it must be. I reached for my keys. "Uh, sure. Why are you at the park this late? Are you with anyone? Are you safe?"
Locking up the RV, I got in my car and pulled out of the driveway. I hooked my phone up to the car's speaker, determined to keep Cat talking during the drive. Something is clearly very wrong. "I'm safe...I'm hiding in a slide. My suitcase won't fit..."
Suitcase? "I'll be there in about ten minutes. Sit tight."
"Kay, kay..." Her voice broke again. "There's an animal scratching at the slide."
"Can you climb higher up?" I suggested. Her next words caused my stomach to drop.
"I'm not sure if it's an animal..."
Speeding up, I all but broke the law getting to my destination. Swinging into the park's parking lot, I barely had the presence of mind to lock the doors before bolting for the play area. I could already see the slide from here. As I reached it, I spotted what Cat was hearing. Some tweaked out druggie was tapping on the side of the slide, making bird noises, attempting to lure her out. He was in the process of rounding the slide and climbing up inside it when I managed to push him away.
"Get out of here!" I yelled. Stumbling over his own feet, he ran into the brush that skirting one side of the park. Taking his place at the base of the slide, I squinted into the darkness. "Cat?"
"I'm here." She mumbled before scooting down the slide. When she was close enough for me to reach, I pulled her out. I didn't bother asking about particulars at the moment. One look at her pale face and red eyes told me there were more important things to see to before lecturing her.
"Car. Now. I'll get your suitcase." Lifting it up in one hand, I grabbed her arm with the other and led her back to the parking lot. Locking us in the car, I threw the suitcase into the backseat and turned on the heat. She dropping her purse into the passenger floorboard and leaned forward in an attempt to get warm. Shaking my head, I managed to give her another minute of quiet before launching into the slew of questions racing through my mind. "Why are you here at this time of night? What were you thinking? This is L.A., for Pete's sake. A lot worse than crackheads wander the streets at night, looking for defenseless people like you."
Covering her mouth, she burst into tears. "I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do or who to call."
"Why didn't you call your mom? Wouldn't she have come to get you?"
She shook her head. "No...I can't go home. I was going to sleep in the park and walk to the airport but it got really cold...I didn't know who else to call."
I put a hand on her shoulder, unsure of what else to do. While she hasn't gone into much detail, I don't really need to ask why she can't go home. I've been making guesses. Having grown up in an abusive household myself, I know how it can be. Suddenly, her mother's refusal to let her check out library books or bring reading material home made sense. More sense than it did, anyway. Cat's decision to call me is understandable, too. Jade's not talking to her, Robbie makes her uncomfortable, Andre's grandmother's behavior is too unpredictable and Tori's parents wouldn't hesitate to call her mom and tell her where she is. If she wants to not go home, who else could she call?
"I understand." I finally told her. Starting the car, I headed back home. "You can crash at my place."
For whatever reason, she started to cry harder. She remained in a state of practical hysteria until we turned onto my street. Calming down, she wiped her face on her jacket sleeves. "Thank you."
I stopped at a stop sign and turned to her. "You were going to sleep in the park overnight?"
Hiccuping, she nodded, her dark eyes wide. "Uh-huh."
I let out a cross between a laugh and a sigh. "Not your wisest decision. Next time, just call me straight away, alright?"
She nodded again. "Okay."
We finished the rest of the drive in silence. Parking, I grabbed her suitcase and quietly urged her into the RV. While she made herself comfortable, I started the kettle and sifted through the boxes of instant coffee and tea in my cabinet. Picking out something fruity, I steeped the tea bag in a mug. Sweetening it, I carried it into the living room and sat it on the coffee table.
"After you drink this, I'll make up the couch and you can go to sleep. It's already eleven. We'll need to be at the airport at five, tomorrow morning...Are you sure you'll have no problems getting on the plane? If you left your mom's house abruptly..."
I didn't know how to word it in a way that might prompt her to answer. What little I've asked her, she's been reluctant to talk about.
"I'll be eighteen in a month." She told me simply. Picking up the mug, she blew on it and took a quick sip.
"And after the trip? What happens then?" I regretted asking the moment it left my mouth.
Sitting the mug back down, she pulled her legs up on the couch and curled into a ball. "I don't know..."
"Forget I asked." I put a hand on her head. "It doesn't matter. Really. You've got all week to consider what's going to happen. Let's just sleep."
Lowering her knees, she gave me the single most pitiful look I've ever seen on a person's face. "If I go back, she'll have me locked up."
It didn't register right away what she meant. "You mean...like your brother."
She nodded. "She says I'm broken."
Curling back in on herself, Cat broke into fresh tears. I hovered for a moment before leaning back against the coffee table. "That's not true. Whatever's been going on at home, it's clearly not good for you. If your mother's hurting you, you need to tell someone."
She shook her head. "No one will listen."
"I'm listening. Others will, too." Taking one of her hands, I pulled it away from her face. "Talk to me. You know I'm not going to tell anybody."
She hesitated for several seconds. Taking in a sharp breath, she began to tell me about the past year. About her mother convincing her father to bring her brother home. About her father's decision to leave as soon as Ethan had some sort of episode that led to him being locked back up. She was vague on the particulars of that incident. About the therapy sessions, the changes in her mother's behavior, the changes Cat's noticed in her own behavior and, finally, what happened right before she left her house. As her story wound to a close, she lowered her voice, until she was speaking barely above a whisper.
"...If I go back, she'll try to have me committed. She'll convince the doctors I'm not mentally healthy enough to live on my own. I'll never be able to leave. All I need to do is stay away until I'm eighteen. Then, people will start listening to me."
"Take it from someone who's been eighteen for a little while...Adults don't start taking you seriously the moment you legally become one." I sighed. "But, in this case, I think you're right. Staying away from your mother for the foreseeable future is the safest choice."
"My dad has a trust fund for me." She sat up, looking significantly calmer. "He set it up when I entered high school. I'll get the money when I turn eighteen. It'll pay for the next two years of college. I'll be okay for the next week. I just need to figure something out for the three weeks after. Then, I can use some of the money to get an apartment near HAU."
"Stay here." It blurted out. Briefly second guessing the offer, I doubled down. "Yeah. I've got a couch and it'll only be for a few weeks. You know you can trust me and vice versa. So, stay here."
Sliding off the couch, she hugged me. "Thank you. I promise, I'll help out. I can pay you rent money. I have fifty dollars."
I hugged her back. "Keep your money. It's not a big deal."
She leaned back enough to look me in the eyes. "Don't tell anyone. Please...I don't want my mom finding out where I am and neither of us want everyone at school to get the wrong idea."
"I don't plan on it." Reaching over my shoulder, I handed her back her tea. She returned to her spot on the sofa to drink it while I went to find some blankets.
I want to ask what exactly her brother did to get himself put away, again. She wouldn't go into detail about it, but I could see the fear in her eyes as she skirted around the subject. Maybe, down the road, she'll feel like she can tell me. Until then, I'm not going to pry.
Sitting some blankets next to her, I opened a pack of toothbrushes and handed one to her. "We're getting up so early. Don't bother unpacking yours."
As I leaned back up to my full height, I spotted the main house's porch light flick on. Shutting off the overhead light, I prayed to whatever power would listen to keep my dad in the house. After everything she's been through, the last thing Cat needs is to cower while my dad tries to beat a hole into the side of the RV. Kneeling on the floor in front of her, I put a finger to my lips. Looking around the dark room, she nodded.
After a tense moment, the porch light was turned off. Relaxing, I turned on the lamp next to us. She looked up at the window above the couch. "What were we hiding from?"
"Insane parents are more common than you think." I grimaced. "You don't need to worry. Door's locked, windows don't open."
Letting go of her tea mug with one hand, she lightly touched my cheekbone. I winced, forgetting I had a bruise there. A couple days ago, I headed home around the same time dad usually gets off work. I didn't want to but I needed a textbook I left in the RV to finish my homework. Dad dragged me inside and spent the next hour going over tests I could retake to get the admissions board at Stanford to reconsider admitting me. When I mentioned working as a mechanic, like mom, he hit me hard enough to make my eye feel like it was bulging for the rest of the night.
"There's two things no one's allowed to mention around here." I finally explained. "Rival hockey teams and my mom."
She nodded somberly, taking me seriously. "I don't know anything about hockey, anyway."
"I'll explain it sometime." I took her empty mug. Coaxing her off the couch, I started laying out some blankets. "Have you had dinner?"
"Yes." She stared down at the toothbrush I'd given her. Picking it up, she dug some night clothes out of her suitcase and wandered into the bathroom.
I went to select a pillow off the bed. I'd be tempted to offer her the bed for the night if I had washed the sheets recently enough. It's been a little more difficult to go into the house and do laundry, lately. Dad's job has been cutting his hours and giving him weekends off. I'm lucky if I get an hour between the end of school and him getting home.
Cat returned to the couch dressed in a purple pajama set I've seen once or twice during the group video chats. Sliding under the covers, she looked around the room nervously.
"What is it?" I sat on the edge of the coffee table.
"Could we keep the lamp on?"
"Sure." I shrugged.
"The light won't bother you?"
"It's fine. Anything else?"
She hesitated to speak at first. Even in the dim lighting, I could see her face flushing. I had to lean in to hear her. "Is there something I could hug?"
"Like a stuffed animal? Need me to get one from your bag?" I pointed at her suitcase.
"I don't have one." She seemed to deflate a little.
"Just a second." Crossing the room, I opened the closet and dug around a little in the mess of clothes piled in it. Returning to the couch, I handed her an old ratted bear wearing a little Hard Rock Cafe t-shirt. "That's Axle. My mom got him for me when I was little."
"Axle's missing an eye." She managed a small smile. It brought out one of my own.
"Axle got a little too friendly with the neighbor's dog."
Curling into a ball under her blanket, she pulled Axle close. "Thank you, Beck."
"Don't mention it." I closed the curtains on the window above the couch and got in bed. It wasn't until my head hit the pillow that I realized just how tired I was from running around, tonight. At least Cat's safe. I really had no idea her home life has been so chaotic. No one did. The mental image of Cat cowering inside a slide isn't going away anytime soon.
Somewhere in the middle of my troubled thoughts, I finally felt myself drift off. I vaguely registered the side of my bed sinking in. Too tired to acknowledge it, I fell asleep.