Chapter 2 - Reunion

Author's Note: In which Anakin and Obi-Wan attempt to communicate and fail very badly... Not like that's a shock.

~ Tirana Sorki

Suffice it to say, Obi-Wan has never been this confused in his life.

He hadn't been able to watch any more of it after that.

Anakin was gone. His padawan, the boy he raised like his own child, the only person he's truly been close with in years. The only person who's ever been the center of his world to this point.

None of it made any sense, least of all that Anakin would turn on the Jedi only right before he was killed. Yoda insisted that he'd clearly been corrupted, that at least one of the Sith had been stopped, but all Obi-Wan could think about was that Anakin was gone.

And Windu did it. Windu killed Anakin and if what the holograms was showing were really true then yes he had to stop Anakin, but he didn't have to kill him. He didn't have to –

Maybe he shouldn't be so furious with Windu but he can't help it. He killed Anakin and he can't get that out of his head. It feels almost like betraying the Jedi to be so angry at him when what he did allowed many more Jedi to escape but he can't make it go away. That was Anakin, even if he apparently betrayed them though that doesn't make an ounce of sense and he half thinks something must have been wrong with the recordings because what.

He's lost himself in trying to fight the Empire ever since, trying to do anything to get the aching, gutting emptiness out of his heart – to take an edge of the icy fury and desire for vengeance burning through him – but nothing really helps.

Nothing is going to bring the Jedi back, nor any of those he knew as a part of them.

Nor was anything going to give him answers on how Anakin could have helped with any of that in the first place.

And nothing could get focus away from the knowledge that he was never going to see Anakin again.

But Anakin is right here, standing in front of him as though none of what he saw in those recordings even happened. He's here and alive even though that shouldn't be possible. Never mind that no one ever bothered to tell him that, not even Anakin himself. Who is apparently still fighting for the Jedi, even Obi-Wan saw clear holograms indicating otherwise, and Windu is acting like he's a ticking time bomb who's about to murder them all, when he sees none of those signs whatsoever. Except, that he still can't get Anakin cutting through the Jedi in those security recordings out of his mind, so he has no idea what's even happening.

Apparently, the mission they're supposed to be going on is to rescue another Jedi who's held at an Imperial base nearby. Windu would come along except he's busy elsewhere, so he's sending the two of them together.

"We can do it easily without you," Obi-Wan says curtly. Yes, maybe he's feeling more than a little spiteful that Windu never bothered telling him any of this.

And he'd still like to know what in the world is wrong with the Jedi Master's eyes.

Why are they black? It looks completely unnatural and unsettling, and he feels wrong in the Force. Obi-Wan can't even place what it is, but it almost feels like his Force presence is fading somehow though he certainly isn't visibly dying or anything.

Anakin feels slightly off in the Force, but he's definitely not an illusion, and Obi-Wan can clearly sense him, his Force presence always strong enough to overwhelm everything around him. That's just as true now as it ever has been, but there are lingering traces of something else mixed in his Force presence he can't make sense of. It almost feels like traces of Windu mixing over with Anakin's Force presence whatever that even means.

"You need to be cautious," Windu replies sharply, before turning to Anakin. "I expect you to cooperate and complete your mission. and return without causing a scene. Is that understood?"

Anakin shifts. His arms are still crossed, often a sign he's uncomfortable. Obi-Wan can see it clearly in his posture, though to someone who didn't know him as well, it wouldn't be obvious. "Yes, Master Windu." The tone is flat, hollow, carrying little outward emotion.

It's literally the first time he's heard Anakin say a word this entire time. And that's weird.

That's half of why he's wildly questioning for a moment if this really is Anakin, but he can sense it clearly. There's not even a question of that.

But Windu did... injure him badly. He has an understandable reason not to be comfortable in his presence. Is that what's wrong? Well, he's going to be getting some answers and now.

"Come along," Obi-Wan says finally, gesturing for Anakin to follow.

He shuffles after, still without saying a word as they go to the ship waiting just outside. He could swear he keeps feeling Anakin's eyes on him, but whenever he glances at him, the boy is pointedly looking away.

His face is unusually pale, and he looks... awful, the way he often does after very hard battles, but he's not moving like he's injured, at least. Not that that necessarily means much when this is Anakin.

Anakin seemingly automatically heads for the pilot seat, then pauses halfway there, looking at Obi-Wan uncertainly.

"Are you planning to fly or not?" he asks because he doesn't understand why he's just standing there saying nothing.

"Can I?" he asks hesitantly.

What? "Why couldn't you?"

Anakin's always far too gleeful to fly. It's always something he just does. He hasn't asked for permission to do it since he was ten.

He doesn't answer, instead sliding into the seat the moment he seems to think he has permission, firing up the ship.

Obi-Wan still can't take his eyes off him. He can't believe Anakin is here again, after how many weeks he spent thinking he was dead. He wants to – to hold him and never let go. Can't stop seeing on repeat Windu stabbing him. But then – then he remembers everything at the Temple and he doesn't know what to say. Nothing makes sense. Hasn't from the moment Cody shot him down on Utapau.

"Are you alright?" Obi-Wan settles for asking, first.

Anakin looks up, something hesitantly wary in his gaze. "Yeah," he mumbles.

Sure he is. "You look paler than a ghost."

"I am... recovering," he replies quietly. "But I can fight."

As if that's even the point. But it leads back to what happened, which he still doesn't understand. He doesn't know if he wants answers, because he can't fathom what could ever make Anakin do what he did but he needs to know. "At the Temple. Was that really you who led the clones there?"

The way Anakin shrinks in on himself answers it before he even says anything. "Yes."

The world feels like it stops, turning cold, at the words.

It – it really was him. Obi-Wan already knew that, but all he could fixate on was that Anakin was dead, but he's not and apparently he – he did betray the Jedi? Turned on them? He was killing them.

It would frankly make more sense to him, if Anakin just told him that Windu was trying to frame him – even though that should be far more ludicrous.

But he – What? Why? That –

"Why?" Obi-Wan demands. "Why would you ever do that?"

Anakin's grip on the controls tightens. "I'm sorry," he mumbles.

"You're sorry?" Obi-Wan repeats incredulously and so confused, "That's all you have to say? This isn't a mistake that can be fixed like losing your lightsaber, Anakin."

Anakin flinches.

He says nothing. He looks miserable and... almost scared.

Obi-Wan sighs. If Anakin was yelling at him, this might make a little more sense. "I would like to understand what happened," he says, frustrated, trying to ignore the icy rage building in his chest and be reasonable but it's hard when nothing makes sense anymore. "Before I left for Utapau, everything was fine. What changed?"

Anakin flips the lever to send them into hyperspace, crossing his arms again before answering. "I – it's complicated."

"We have time," Obi-Wan replies, arms crossed.

He doesn't understand what he's being so jittery about. Maybe, he's just rather rightfully on edge, expecting Obi-Wan to be angry. How could he realistically expect anything else?

He's torn between his anger and his sheer relief that Anakin is still alive, no matter what he's done, and he doesn't know what to do about it.

**w**

This is the last conversation Anakin wants to have right now. Maybe ever.

Obi-Wan doesn't seem to know what happened, but he knows enough. Enough for Anakin to know that he's furious. He can feel the sharp iciness in his Force present, and he doesn't know what that's going to lead to. Not like Obi-Wan ever shies away from yelling at him. And it's stupid to be so scared of being yelled at after everything he's done, but he can't –

It's more than enough from Windu.

Why couldn't he have just died at the Temple?

His fingers dig into his left arm again. The pain sparks up faster, quickly. Must already be bruising.

But there's nothing he can do to get out of this conversation. Putting it off won't change what happened. He wants to cry. It's pathetic. "The Jedi... committed treason," he answers haltingly, bracing himself.

"No, we didn't. We were stopping the Sith."

He wants to yell back but he's too afraid too. Even if he doesn't know how long he'll be able to – to keep it all in. He's so angry, but he's too scared to – to anything, really. "But he was still the Chancellor. And the Council was going to take control of the Republic."

"Do you know that?" Anakin asks, daring to look up, "Or are you just assuming?"

"Dooku told me there was a Sith in the Senate. I couldn't say why he told me, but it was a warning we clearly ignored for a little too long."

He... did? They never told Anakin about any of that. It was probably a private Council matter, so it makes sense, but that doesn't stop the sharp surge of bitterness twisting inside of him as he thinks about how much of outcast he always has been – maybe especially after being put on the Council. Is it because they always saw him as what he truly is? A slave, their weapon to use as they see fit? Like he always has been? He's never been more, even if it is truer now.

He realized who Sidious was after, wondered after it was too late, but that didn't make the Jedi innocent. And what was he supposed to do, let Padme and his child die?

What happened to them? He still doesn't know – certainly hasn't dared to ask Windu about her. "I didn't know," he replies dully, "You never told me."

Even though he's supposed to be their Chosen One, their weapon against the Sith. How's he supposed to stop the Sith if they don't tell him what he needs to know about them?

"Perhaps," Obi-Wan concedes, "But I still fail to see why you would side with a Sith against the Jedi."

Because I was never one of you I never have been and after what Windu's done I don't know if want to be? How can he say any of that to Obi-Wan? Even if he wants to yell back. Doesn't exactly want to make him even angrier right now. Nor does it stop the guilt tearing him apart ceaselessly every second, for what happened.

Not when he can't get out of this. He can't leave now, no matter what happens. Can't... even decide what he does, not that this mission is any different than when the Jedi gave him specific missions in the past. Just feels more like it is.

"I saw Windu betraying everything the Jedi were supposed to stand for," he replies bitterly, "And that was after you told me to spy on the Chancellor – to break all the rest of the Jedi's principles."

Obi-Wan sighs, sounding exasperated.

Anakin doesn't know if that makes him feel more upset or even guiltier and just dirty and used somehow.

"How was Windu breaking the Code?" he asks dubiously, "And after knowing that Palpatine is the Chancellor, I think it's quite clear why we had you spy on him."

No point arguing that point. No matter how increasingly frustrated he is. It's not going to go anywhere.

"He was going to kill the Chancellor defenseless." And me. Doesn't want to think about that moment even if it's burned into his mind forever. His chest throbs in phantom agony, remembering that moment.

"I don't know what the circumstances were and I understand that he was your friend – "

"This has nothing to do with him being my friend!" Anakin yells, jolting to his feet. Okay, yes it did, but only in part. How was he supposed to stand there and watch Windu practically torturing him with his own lightning, then try to kill him in cold blood, and believe that was fine?

He spins on his heel, taking off out of the cockpit before the conversation can continue any more. He just needs to breathe, and he never gets space even for that. But Obi-Wan isn't Windu, so he can't force him to –

Ugh.

He slides onto the bench in the hold, scrubbing a hand over his face. He's so tired, of everything.

Doesn't know how long it's been, but it can't have been long before the door opens again, Obi-Wan appearing in the doorway.

He really doesn't want to continue this conversation. "Not now," he requests, without looking up.

He feels as much as hears Obi-Wan approaching the table opposite him, a shadow falling across him. "I just want to understand what happened," he replies. He sounds frustrated but not outright annoyed at least. "I thought you were lost at the Temple. I saw when Windu... I don't understand how you're still here."

He... saw that? But he must not have seen the end, or he wouldn't be so confused now.

Anakin lifts his head, just a little. "I do not understand what happened either. Windu told me of legends of Force beings that cannot die. I think it is – that."

"You came back to life?" Obi-Wan repeats, incredulous.

Anakin nods slightly.

"So he – So you did die."

He really, really doesn't want to think about it. He just nods, breathing in a shaky breath.

"I fail to see how that's possible." Obi-Wan circles around the table, approaching him.

"Are you sure you're alright? If you were..."

"It's healing," he mutters, "It was mostly healed when I... woke up." Both times. Healed enough that he could be alive, anyway.

Obi-Wan reaches for him.

He didn't mean to jerk away from him instinctively, but he can't help it. Doesn't really think he's about to hit him but he can't say he'd be surprised if he did.

The hand lightly touches his forehead, moving to brush back the curls hanging in his face.

"When was the last time you combed your hair?" Obi-Wan grumbles.

Is he serious?

Anakin shrugs a shoulder. "Don't know." Can genuinely not remember if Windu even bothered to give him a comb.

But the touch and the grumpy silliness of the comment are so achingly familiar it makes him desperately miss – what things were enough to bring tears to his eyes. But he can't let himself get swept away with those memories right now.

"Are you certain you're alright?" Obi-Wan asks skeptically, "If you were injured that badly... I don't understand how that could have healed so fast."

"I don't either."

"Your skin is ice," he informs him, flatly, "And you are always unreasonably warm."

Which... is true. He's felt constantly cold and just – like he's only half existing since he came back, especially after the second time. His skin always used to be strangely warm, something to do with being half Force.

He holds back the I miss you that wants to slip out, because he doesn't know how Obi-Wan would react to a comment like that, after they just finished arguing. And the argument is certainly far from over.

Obi-Wan's hand drops to his shoulder, and Anakin can't quite resist reaching up to wrap his hand around his wrist, to keep it there, at least for a moment.

Obi-Wan squeezes his shoulder lightly. "I would still like to understand what happened."

Anakin's gut flips and he drops his hand back to his lap, missing it instantly when Obi-Wan steps back, though he sits down right near him. Only makes the present topic of conversation even more uncomfortable, though he doesn't think that's intentional on his former master's part.

"You're here now," he goes on when Anakin doesn't instantly respond, "Fighting with us. So what changed? Why are you here now if you were siding against the Jedi before?"

Because Windu owns me, even my mind? How is he supposed to say that? He's never felt quite this used before. At least when he was a slave on Tatooine, he had his mind. Now he has nothing. But Obi-Wan's looking at him expectantly, and he can't just ignore the question entirely.

"I – I didn't want to fight the Jedi," he mumbles finally, staring at the floor in front of him. "But I – I didn't know what else to do."

It sounds so stupid.

And like a pathetic excuse.

But he has no idea how to explain any of this. It's not like Obi-Wan knows what it's like to feel like to always be on his knees, to always have to please his master or face the consequences, to know what you have to do to avoid being hit. It's not a fear Anakin can even explain. Or to feel that unclenching terror at the knowledge that he's going to fail and everyone in his family is going to die because of it, because he's never been strong enough – and Anakin's family has never been the Jedi.

"You didn't know what else to do?" he repeats, "You're not making sense, Anakin. Did Sidious force you to do it?"

Did he?

Yes, really.

When Anakin joined him, he had no idea what the Sith was going to demand. It was too late to back out. All he knew was that he on his knees to his new master, and he had to do whatever he wanted, if – if he wanted his family to be alright. And the Jedi were guilty, anyway. It was between them and his boys in the fight itself, and that wasn't even a question of what he was going to choose... but he definitely can't tell Obi-Wan that.

He would never understand. It would only make him angrier, and... and he knows why that would hurt. Obi-Wan did lose everything.

The bottomless pit of guilt inside of him only grows. Maybe he really does deserve to be trapped as Windu's... slave. Where he won't hurt anyone again. But everything the Jedi have him do isn't right either. He's always known that, but – it's not as if he knows how to make the decision for what is or isn't.

But it feels like hiding behind excuses to say that it wasn't his fault and choice. That's what Windu's told him over and over again.

"I didn't know what he would ask me to do," Anakin mumbles. Still feels like an excuse.

"Then why didn't you walk out when you had the chance?" Obi-Wan asks.

And go where?

He doesn't want to explain about Padme and his child right now. Maybe it would make Obi-Wan understand but that would mean he'd have to admit that he broke the Code years ago already and his former master is already angry. He's too afraid to make that even worse, especially when he doesn't know that it would even help anything.

He carefully studies the intricacies of the floor, not looking up.

Would dodging the question entirely work?

"Have – have you heard anything from Ahsoka?" Anakin queries hesitantly. He's been meaning to ask this entire time. He doesn't know what happened to her but she wasn't a Jedi so she shouldn't have been included in the Order. She should be fine. That doesn't mean he's not worried about her. The galaxy is in chaos and anything could be happening to her.

"I haven't heard from her," Obi-Wan replies, but he sounds distinctly displeased, "And you're avoiding my question."

He's fumbling to come up with some kind of answer, debating if he should just try to explain and face the consequences that he'll be facing anyway but then the alarms go off, indicating that they're coming out of hyperspace soon.

"We can talk later," Obi-Wan decides grudgingly, standing to head for the cockpit.

Right.

Time for a mission that Anakin very much doesn't want to be involved in, but it's not like he has a choice. Maybe he doesn't deserve to have a choice.

**w**

The mission doesn't go well.

It could have been a simple infiltration to break the Jedi in question out of the Imperial facility, but there are clones guarding the place. Anakin doesn't want to hurt them. Obi-Wan isn't being very restrained about it at all, but they don't have time to talk about it until they've gotten in and are mid-getting back out with the Jedi, Kirak Infil'a.

Infil'a lunges at the clones, cutting through them without the slightest bit of restraint, and something inside just... shatters. He can't keep standing back and doing nothing while the clones are dying. It's no better than what happened with the Jedi. There's never a better option for him but the least he can do is try to save the others, the slaves who are just like him. Anakin flicks out a hand, throwing the clones out of the way before the Jedi can get to them.

And he keeps doing it, knocking them out whenever possible even if it's majorly slowing them down when he's getting out.

They're almost to an opening when another blast door slides open, more clones pouring through. One of them throws an explosive at them. Infil'a promptly throws it right back at them, and Anakin flicks up a hand, throwing it into the wall between them. It rips a hole in the side of the building, debris flying everywhere. Infil'a is closest to it and he ducks aside, shielding his face from it but it's a moment too long because one of the clones shoots him.

Obi-Wan calls his name, jerking forward but it's already too late.

He's... dead.

He – how did he manage to fail this too?

He didn't mean to get anyone else killed. But how is killing several dozen people who are totally innocent to free a traitor the Jedi way? It's not like he wanted him to be hurt but he didn't know what else to do. Didn't –

What is wrong with him?

He and Obi-Wan don't have the breath to speak in the run all the way back to the ship or when they're chased all the way through the atmosphere and Anakin spends the whole time spinning the ship out of the way of the shots so he doesn't have to take any of the other ships down – even if Obi-Wan's practically turning green by the time they finally jump to hyperspace.

It's not until the rush of adrenaline wears off that the full reality of what just happened starts sinking in. He failed the mission. He can't fail. That's not allowed for him. It never has been. And he's frankly more scared of the fact that he did than what it led to. But – not that it means he doesn't care. All he's capable of is causing death and destruction and he's so tired of it. Tired of himself. That's all he's ever done and all the Jedi ever wanted him to do but then they also don't want him to do it – or at least, they only want him as a weapon to be pointed at what they want.

He's so tired. Wishes he could just go to sleep and never wake up. At least it would stop him from hurting anyone else. And he'd finally be free. Not like he deserves it.

"We could have made it out," Obi-Wan says. Not quite accusing but he's definitely annoyed.

"I didn't mean to – for it to lead to that. But we didn't need to hurt any of them if we didn't have to." And they definitely didn't. They could have gotten out much quieter if Infil'a hadn't decided to go out the fastest way – the way that was also most guarded, claiming they could handle it, as though it didn't mean killing countless more people.

"They are the ones who turned on us," Obi-Wan replies bitterly.

A tight knot of horror clenches in his chest. He can't believe Obi-Wan is saying something like that. Yes, it's true and he knows why he's angry but that doesn't mean – It's not like they had a choice. They're slaves too. Anakin doubts they wanted to do what they did anymore than he did. He genuinely hardly understands how so many of them did, but – the point is that they're still slaves, just like him and he's not going to hurt them. "You're the one who always told me I - I was always too aggressive," Anakin objects, voice faltering.

"That's never concerned you before," Obi-Wan retorts.

Anakin twitches sharply, stung, bitterness flaring inside of him. "It has. It always has. But my power, how much I can fight and destroy for you is why I was let into the Order. That is the only reason the Jedi have ever wanted me."

"That's not true – "

"Yes, it is. They would have sent me back to Tatooine if not for that. Or just left me on Coruscant." With nothing.

Obi-Wan sighs. "Anakin, they might have accepted you because you're the Chosen One, but it's been years since then. You were as much a Jedi as any of us."

Sure he was.

Anakin shakes his head, looking away. The way he can still feel Windu's Force presence humming in his mind even now says more than enough for how untrue that is. "I'm not one of you. I never have been."

Obi-Wan's expression hardens. He seems... hurt, which is probably fair but what he said is the truth. He cared about Ahsoka and Obi-Wan as his family because he was close with them, not because they were Jedi too. Doesn't know if Obi-Wan can say the same about him though, no matter how much he wishes that would be true. His former master has always put the Council first and he always will. "You were as much of a Jedi as any of us until you chose not to be," he replies.

The words cut through him sharply and he turns away, staring at the hyperspace swirls beyond. Continuing the conversation is pointless. It's only going to end in him being hurt worse. Better to just be quiet. At least until Obi-Wan calms down although for this, that's probably going to be never.

Not like he deserves anything better than this anyway. He's lucky all that's happened to him is being snapped at, really. He should stop sulking about something that pathetic but that doesn't stop how much it hurts, how much he just wants someone to hold him and tell him everything will be alright, the way his mother always used to. But she's not here anymore and – and Obi-Wan is a Jedi, first and foremost.

He wants to cry, but he won't let himself. Not unless he's alone, at least.

Because Anakin never was his family unless he was a Jedi, was he?

He just wants this to be over.

All he's capable of doing is destroying things. That's all he's ever been capable of doing. And he never even knows what is or isn't right anymore. Doesn't know... anything.

But... he's going to have to face Windu now and –

Force.

This is bad.

He was ordered very clearly not to mess this up. This is very bad. The icy fear growing in his chest is only getting worse with each passing moment. He has no idea how he's going to face this.

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