"Honestly Kaname I don't even know how to begin to thank you. I didn't take the time to say it then but aside from Zero there is no one else on this earth that I would have felt safe enough to leave Hisachi with when we went after Saiu. I'm grateful that you volunteered to stay with her and that you watched over and protected her for us. Thank you for that…. and just for…. everything."

Rei looked sheepishly across the desk at Kaname. It was strange to her how uncomfortable everything felt now. The dynamics had shifted so dramatically that she almost no longer felt at ease here alone with him anymore.

Almost as if he could sense her uneasiness, Kaname strode around his desk to stand in front of her. Gently, he clasped her chin, raising her face up to meet his. It was strange for him too, as now that he was a vampire again, he could easily tell that every time he came near or touched her, he could feel her pulse or hear her heartbeat speed up. It was hard for him to completely identify the feeling that this gave to him.

He could tell her body's physical response to him, but even now he still craved to know how her heart felt about him. He knew it was selfish to still want such a thing, but he guessed no one had probably ever hailed him as being selfless of character.

"You don't need to feel so awkward. Nothing has changed"

Rei stepped back, turning her head away from him.

"That's not true and you know it. Everything has changed now."

She faced him again and met him dead center. "You're an insanely smart man, so you know it better than I do." Sighing, she absently ran her fingers over the large antique mahogany desk in his office. "I owe you a lot Kaname, I know that. I'd like to repay the debt but I'm not sure how. I don't want to owe you so let me know how we can be even…"

He stepped closer, trying to ignore the pang he felt in his heart at her words. Did she actually feel like she'd owe him something for that? Was that how she saw him now?

He said nothing, studying her silently. He'd gone through a lot of emotions since regaining his memories. He couldn't say that he wasn't happy to have them back, but there had definitely been a loss that came with that gain. Losing Rei and the hope of a future with her still weighed on him. With a heavy sigh, he turned his back to her.

"I made you a promise and I kept it. Do you really feel like you need to give me something to make us even?"

She nodded and Kaname chuckled.

"I hope you realize that I can't see you nodding your head."

"Yes" Rei squeaked.

"Fine." Kaname spun around. "If that's really what you need to have in order to believe that we're even, then I'll grant you that."

He stepped closer, looming darkly over her. Rei looked up at him, her eyes narrowing in question.

"I want your blood." Kaname said simply. "Give me that and we'll call it 'even'."

Rei took a step back and looked at Kaname in surprise.

"Say what now? Why?! Why on earth would you want that?!"

Kaname looked at her calmly and shrugged.

"I just do. I want your blood, and you want this supposed 'debt', that doesn't even exist, cleared. Do we have a deal?"

Rei pondered it for a moment. She couldn't think of very many reasons that Kaname could possibly want or need her blood. Their new situational changes aside, she didn't actually think that he'd be out to hurt her… So that left very few options…

She met Kaname's eyes dead on and squared her shoulders back.

"Ok. If you want my blood then you can have it. It's the very least I can do."

She saw the surprise flash briefly across Kaname's eyes but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared.

"Fine." He said, reaching out for her waist. "Come here then."

Rei tensed up and stepped back again. "Wait! Now?"

Kaname looked at her, amusement dancing in his eyes.

"And why not? Did you prefer to schedule a date for it? Should I put it on my calendar first?"

Rei could feel heat rising up her neck. Of course it would be now. But still… It was the thought of his hands on her body and his mouth on her neck…She needed a cold drink or something. Maybe a moment to calm herself first…

"No- of course not…M-maybe just a moment fist – first? To… to just prepare… or whatever…or something? I mean… I don't know, I've only ever.. I mean Zero's the first -the only… J-just give me a minute to…" Urgh. More than just about anything else, Rei hated to be flustered. It was an annoyance beyond all annoyances, and why of all times did it have to be in front of Kaname?

Kaname leaned against the desk, raising an eyebrow and watching Rei with interest. This was a new sight for him and he couldn't say that he disliked this side of her. He found 'Uncomfortable Rei' to also be extremely attractive.

"Would you like a drink or something first?" His eyes glittered as he leaned in and the red color continued to climb up her face.

"Actually yeah, that miiiight be good"

He had been joking, but obviously she was having a really tough time with this. As he went to pour a glass for her, he stopped, his back still to her.

"Rei, you know you don't have to don't you? Truthfully, in reality you don't owe me a thing. I did it all for you and I'd do it all again, you'd never even have to ask..."

She was silent, but he waited- his hand on the glass, for her to respond.

"Yeah, I know."

He heard her let out a loud sigh.

"But honestly, I can't help but feel like I owe you. It would never have happened without you, and I know your reasons for doing it, but it's hard for me to move forward feeling like I'm still tied to you for it. Plus, I kind of think I understand your reasons for wanting the blood, so I'd really like to give you this. It's just…". She cleared her throat, and Kaname continued pouring the drink. "It's just kind of difficult, all things considered."

He turned and brought the drink to her, giving her a warm smile.

"I understand that. I'll stop making it harder on you okay?"

Rei nodded mutely.

Kaname handed her the drink, leaning in to catch her eyes. "So, tell me where you want my hands?"

She swallowed. This wasn't going to work. There was no answer that could fall out of her mouth that would be even mildly appropriate or honest. She looked at him and said nothing. After a moment of silence passed between them, Rei let out a huge puff of air "Fine. Fuck it." She took the drink and gulped it all down in one swig.

"Do it however you normally do. I promise I won't complain."

Kaname stared at her, feeling a bit of heat rising at his own collar.

"I don't know. It doesn't seem particularly smart of you to give me free reign over your body, does it?"

Rei opened her mouth to reply, but before she could form words, Kaname reached out, gently but firmly grabbing her waist and pulling her tightly against him. Rei focused on slowing her breathing, but it became harder to do as he pulled her collar to the side and slowly traced his finger along her neck down to her collar bone. Without thinking she pushed her mouth into his shoulder to stifle the reflexive moan that threatened to come out.

"Kaname…? Are you sure this is okay? Yuki won't be upset about you drinking someone else's blood?"

Kaname shook his head "No, this won't be a problem."

He leaned his head down burying his nose in the crook of Rei's neck and inhaling her scent. The familiarity of it brought him an unexpected sense of melancholy which he fought to push aside. Lightly running his tongue over the soft skin of her neck he slowly sunk his fangs into her flesh, savoring the moan that this time did escape her lips, and the feeling as her arms reached up and clutched fervently at his back, holding tightly to him.

Her blood was warm and sweet, and as it flowed into him, so did the sensation of all of Rei's feelings. Kaname could sense her motherly emotions towards her children, her strong romantic ones for Zero, and most importantly he could feel the emotions that he wanted to know the most about- he could finally get a sense for Rei's true romantic feelings for him. Wrapping his arms tightly around her waist and her back, he pulled her as close to him as possibly could, sucking gently at her neck, his hands roaming freely across her back and into her hair. He should stop and he knew it, but he couldn't quite get enough. He wasn't sure if it was her bloodline, the feelings flowing from her, or just Rei herself, but it really was addictive. It wasn't until she moaned his name out loud that he finally snapped back to reality and hurriedly pulled himself away from her, appalled at his own lack of control.

Rei stumbled back, reaching out to catch herself on the desk behind her. Kaname caught her and helped her into a seat. Wiping some blood from the corner of his mouth he sighed as he knelt down in front of her, his face distressed at the sight of her.

"My apologies Rei, I went overboard and I shouldn't have."

She smiled weakly at him.

"It's fine really. Did you get what you wanted?"

The look she gave him said that she meant more than just the blood. Kaname closed his eyes and considered for a moment. Finally, he opened them and give her a quick, soft kiss on the lips.

"Yes I did, and I'm very grateful for all of it. Thank you."

He stood up and Rei gave him a genuine smile. I'm glad to hear that and I'm happy to have been able to finally share it with you.

She stood shakily, wobbling as she got up.

" I think we can consider our business officially concluded then. So I'll be on my way-"

"Maybe you should sit for a bit more…I did take a lot of blood…"

"I'm fine. I heal fast. I'll be good before I get out of the building, I'm sure. Anyways, now that we're finished, I'd prefer not to hang around longer than necessary if you don't mind."

Kaname leaned back against his desk. Arguing with her was more often than not a losing battle. He watched as she walked stiffly towards the door. As she reached it, he called out for her.

"Rei?"

She turned to look back at him.

"The envelope I gave you before. Do you still have it?"

Rei thought about it, her mind going back to the day she'd left the outpost after running out on Kaname and Yuki. It wasn't necessarily a day that she was dying to recall.

"Yeah, I still have it."

Kaname thought on the feelings he'd gotten from her as he drank her blood. Her true feelings for him - and though he knew that things were indeed different for them now, he was glad that she'd held on to that letter. He flashed her a genuine smile. It was one he didn't use often, especially now that he'd returned to his vampire form.

"I know I'm all out of favors now, but maybe you'll still be kind enough to read it for me?"

Rei gave him a small smile before turning back towards the hall.

"Maybe." And then she shut the door and was gone.

Back at the NA Headquarters, Rei stepped outside to the outdoor training ground and took a seat on a small grassy knoll where she could look down and watch as Roi and Hisa practiced sparring with each other.

She took a moment to enjoy the warmth of the sun on her skin and warm breeze flowing through her hair. After her absorption of the blue flames in the bunker, similar to Hisachi she had immediately regained some of her hair length. It wasn't as long as it had been when she'd first cut it, but it now hung down around her shoulders. With no major enemies lurking and no life filled with fighting, she'd done away with her habit of keeping it pinned up. Opting to now wear her hair in a way more symbolic of how she felt – free.

As a gust of wind whipped her hair around her face, Rei absently toyed with an errant wavy, black lock. Zero had applauded her change of style, citing her change of hair and the new scar that she'd obtained from the battle, as beautiful testaments to her 'new beginning', and constantly touching both whenever the situation allowed. Sighing with a small chuckle, Rei figured it was time now to tie up the last few loose ends that were still weighing her down.

With a shaky hand she pulled out Kaname's letter. Having survived the entire journey for Hisachi, inside of her bag, the letter had seen better days. Still, it was intact and entirely readable.

As she opened the envelope and pulled out the slip of paper inside, she found herself grateful to see that the note was short. There in Kaname's, perfect, crisp, script writing, was the following:

Rei,

I don't know what tomorrow holds, and I don't know whether you will be right or not about what will happen when my memories return. I do know, however, what stands 100% true and clear in my heart today.

I love you.

No matter what comes afterwards, the feelings of right now are real and they will always be real. Nothing and no one can ever change that.

Hold on to this and forever remember that.

~Kaname

Rei gripped the letter tightly, pressing it to her chest and closing her eyes. So she would. She'd never asked Kaname what his true feelings for her were after his memories returned, and she never would. It didn't matter anymore. This would be enough. She'd made up her mind the moment she'd left the outpost that day. Just knowing what was, was good enough for her. Though, she was glad that she'd been able to share her true feelings with him as well. It all felt like proper closure.

She'd never forget her time spent with Kaname or the feelings he'd fostered within her, but the time for those had passed. That was all behind her and Rei no longer had a need to re-visit it. As far as Rei was concerned her potential for anything with Kaname had ended the moment his memories had returned. She'd already made her peace with that as well as the heartache that accompanied it. Besides, even if his memories hadn't returned, the truth was-

At the sound of more voices down at the training ground, Rei looked up from her thoughts and found that Zero had now joined the twins in their training. Silently Rei watched the three of them, first playing around and then seriously training under Zero's tutelage. It was a sight that filled her heart with joy in a way that she'd never experienced before.

"It has nothing to do with the kids. It's just all…you."

Zero's words to her in the bunker echoed in her head. She hadn't come back think about that conversation yet. She'd been telling herself she was too busy to deal with it. But she thought the truth was probably that she just didn't want to.

Falling back into the soft grass behind her, Rei stared up into the blue sky. What were her true feelings for Zero now?

Yes, she loved him, but she'd loved him for so long and in that one singular way, that saying it almost felt empty now.

Maybe she was asking the wrong question or looking at it the wrong way. The term 'love' could be tricky. Maybe asking where her heart was, would be better? Zero had expressed his feelings for Rei in terms of his life. How it would feel without her in it. What about Rei? How would she feel without Zero in hers? Groaning she shooed that thought away. That's too easy, of course I'd hate a world without him in it. She stopped 'But would my life end too? Would it be so bad that I'd want to go with him? That question seemed a little different. She supposed maybe it made sense. If someone truly held your heart and they died, it would kill you too. Metaphorically, but not literally.

She threw an arm over her face and as she did, for whatever reason she began to recall watching Zero fall as Saiu kicked him as hard as she could in the face. His face covered in blood and his body still. Even now, Rei could feel her heart tighten in her chest. The arm over her face began to shake. Had she ever been so out of control in her life? Nope. Nothing even close. Matter of fact, if Saiu herself hadn't snapped her out of it Rei's berserk mode may have doomed them all. She'd completely lost herself when she thought he was dead and in that moment she hadn't cared at all about any of the rest of it…

Feeling the dampness on her arm, Rei pulled her arm away, realizing she'd been crying without even being aware. As she sat up, she came face to face with Roihichi, Hisachi and Zero. All three grinning proudly into her face.

"We're practicing our stealth! Pretty good huh?" Roi exclaimed, completely oblivious to Rei's facial expression.

Zero and Hisachi on the other hand took one look at Rei's face and their smile's dropped.

"Uh…"Hisachi looked uncomfortably from Rei to Zero.

Zero looked only at Rei.

"Hey Hisa, why don't you and your brother head inside and get something to eat? Then you can go find Yaguri and see if you can practice your new stealth skills on him. Extra dessert if one of you manages to catch him off guard." He didn't take his eyes off Rei as he spoke to them.

"Extra dessert? You're on!" Roi jumped up. "Catch you later mom!" And he was off without a backward glance.

Hisachi got up, obviously still hesitant to leave. Zero finally turned to look at her. "I've got her, it's fine. Go on with your brother and we'll both meet up with you two a little later." He flashed her a warm smile, and the young girl nodded. Raising her hand in a light wave towards her mom, she too turned and ran off.

After they were gone, Zero turned back to Rei.

"Hey, what's going on? You okay?" He reached out and lightly touched one of her cheeks.

Rei nodded, her few tears long since wiped away. "Just coming to grips with a few things is all."

Zero looked down and noticed the paper held tightly in Rei's hand. Next to her he could see the open envelope with her name etched carefully across the front in elegant handwriting. He knew what that was, he'd constantly come across the envelope in their bags as they'd travelled to find Hisa. Kaname's letter.

'Guess that would explain why she was feeling so emotional'. Normally he thought he might have felt jealous at that thought, but lately, having the twins around and just teaching and being with them….he'd found he felt happier and more fulfilled in his life. There just didn't seem to be much room left in it for those type emotions like envy or bitterness.

Bending down to catch Rei's eye, Zero gave her a soft smile and then pulled her over into a side hug.

"That's fine. We've all got to come to grip with our feelings at some time."

Rei stiffened at the comment.

"How would you know what I'm talking about?" She pulled back to look at him.

Zero shrugged. "Just a hunch."

Sighing, Rei stared down at her hands.

"You know, I interrupted you before… When we were in the bunker…"

Zero held his breath, the wariness evident on his face. This was unexpected…

Rei began to fidget with her hands, before taking a loud, audible breath of air.

"I'm ready now. To finish. If you want. The conversation, I mean." She said it all hurriedly. As if she had to spit it all out of her mouth before she could choke on it.

Zero's mouth dropped open. He couldn't help it. Coming up here and then seeing Kaname's letter and Rei upset… this wasn't the direction he'd seen this going. But that was fine. She was giving him a chance and he wasn't going to waste it.

Sitting up straight, he turned to face her, resolutely grabbing her hands in his.

I want to say that I love you so much that I'd take you any way that I can get you" Zero looked down, biting his lip in frustration. "But" He leaned in, peering straight into Rei's eyes "That would be a lie. It's just the opposite. I love you so much that I can't bear to have anything less than all of you". He paused "I'm not enough of a hypocrite to say that means loving only me. But it does mean choosing only me. Wanting only me. I know you have feelings for Kaname. And that's on me. It's on me for giving you an opportunity to even look at anyone else… though truthfully if I had to say it. I've been thinking a lot lately and if I had to say it. …"

Zero shifted uncomfortably. He was worried that what he would say next could be misconstrued, but even if she did…He'd make sure she understood his intent… this was important.

"If I had to say it – I wouldn't want anything that happened to have happened any differently". He paused and Rei looked questioningly at him, waiting for the explanation to that statement.

"I think it all needed to happen to get us to this point. To get ME to this point. Losing you with Rido was hard, but it was that loss and then seeing you again that really sparked something for me. Not to mention I needed the growth. Watching you fall for Kaname- having you slip away from me and realizing what I was losing again. It was a wake up call for me.

Everything that we went through on the journey for Hisachi…It brought us closer than anything else possibly could have. Our experience together…it allowed me to finally see exactly what had been in front of me all along. And to appreciate everything that you've always brought to the table. I'm not sure I ever would have gotten there without all of those things.

Not to mention the biggest piece of it all….I think you'd agree there's no way to imagine any timeline that diidn't include them. Don't get me wrong, I'd do anything to go back and get back the years that I missed. I wish like hell that part of it hadn't happened. But the fire that we crossed through to get here…I do think that's made me a better man. Hopefully maybe even one that's more deserving of you.

It's taken an incredibly long time to get here, but I am here. I'm ready and I'll fight. I'll fight to have you. If you say you want Kaname then I won't interfere, but I won't let go either. I won't stop loving you and I won't stop hoping. I'll never give up trying to win your-"

He was stopped. Cut off as Rei, wrapped an arm around his neck, pressing her mouth firmly to his and pulling him against her. He hesitated for only a moment, then gingerly put a hand to her waist and another on her back, sliding them around her and wrapping her in his arms.

Rei closed her eyes and reveled in the wave of peace that washed over her. This was it- It felt right. As Zero talked all she could see was his face and the memories of everything that had happened since he'd returned to her life a few weeks ago. She recalled it all – the ups and the downs. She remembered her heart stopping as he'd chased Roi out of the woods in the village; Holding him in the cave as they'd embraced after she'd told him about Hisa; and His body pressed against hers, his mouth on her neck as they met that night at the cave's overhang.

When he'd started talking about their journey, her memories had flipped to him feeding her soup as they camped, kissing him with a mouth full of blackwater weed as his tears fell on her face, leaning on him for comfort after reading the Souma family history, and waking up in his arms to find that he'd endured immeasurable pain just to carry her through the fiery bunker. It was always Zero. The one she saw when she closed her eyes. The one who invaded her thoughts. Even when those thoughts shifted to being furious about his comments in the cave, scared when he'd lost control at the Souma town entrance, or distraught when she thought Saiu may have killed him. The focus of her feelings centered around him. Big or small, good or bad, all of her emotions were firmly anchored to him.

She cared deeply for Kaname, but she could never care for him in the all-encompassing way that she did for Zero. He filled her heart with something that just couldn't be replicated.

As she slid her other hand up to run it through his hair, Zero gently laid her to the ground. Slowly he pulled back, breaking the kiss and meeting her eyes. They stared at each other quietly, staying this way for an extended moment, letting the world continue around them, as time stopped for just the two of them. No words were exchanged but so much was said between them. Zero tenderly caressed Rei's cheek as he searched her eyes.

"I love you Rei. More than anything else in this world."

He leaned down and lightly kissed her again, savoring the feel of her lips on his and her body under his hands. It had been too long.

"Zero…" Rei mumbled it against his lips. Not wanting to stop kissing him, but needing to say the words, wanting to express herself.

When he paused, she pulled back, just slightly so that she could see his pale gray eyes as she spoke. "I love you too. And it will always be you, Zero. Then. Now. Forever. You are all that I want- That won't change. Ever." She traced her fingers across the features of his face, entranced by the way he looked at her. Was this the way it finally felt to love and be loved back in earnest? To choose someone for love and have that returned in full? It had to be, because right now she felt completely fulfilled and happier than she'd ever known she could be. Touched by the love she saw in his eyes, and confident that he saw it reflected back in her own, Rei reached up and pulled Zero back down for a deeper kiss. This may have all started with just one night, but now she intended to hold on to him for the rest of her life.

~ To Have Loved & Lost~

~~~THE END~~~