The Eyes are the Windows to the Soul (3.)

Shuri didn't know when her attraction to him first started. When she began thinking about the wide canvas of his back. How she'd fit around him. How protected she would feel in his arms. Wondered if he was just as handsome without the beard or a dud.

Her feelings had started innocently enough. Before he had mostly been an amusing laugh or a thorn in her side during invention approvals. She couldn't say he and T'Challa had ever been childhood friends, more so rivals, but he was always around annoying them in some way.

M'Baku was anti-technology for the most part too, so surely, he was a bad match for her. Very traditional. Huge compared to her. Lack of tact too! Everything pointed to how illogical it was to look at him that way.

She wasn't some young girl with a crush on an unattainable boyband member!

However, there had been a noticeable shift in M'Baku during the worst of her brother's sickness. M'Baku became someone who would help. Someone to rely on. Someone who could make her laugh after a day of crying.

Recently, he was so comforting during their morning talks. Charming in his care and words. He valued her opinion and sought her advice. He was still fairly new to ruling all of Wakanda as interim king after all, but who was going to take his place? Not her.

M'Baku didn't realize what it did to the inner Shuri when he cupped her face in his hands. A loving gesture that she was starved for it.

His three wives were lovely. No competition with her (she didn't know if with each other), and they had taught her about cooking, fighting, and female Jabari traditions. To be sister wives wasn't the worst thing in the world, right?

As shameful as it was, Shuri had started going to church with them when she could to learn about Hanuman. To impress M'Baku. If Bast existed (and they were going to tussle if she did), she hadn't been struck down by lightning yet.

So, of course, she had been utterly mortified and deflated when he found out.

M'Baku was a stupid man, but not a stupid man.

With time, she would fling away the fondness for him. But she couldn't yet curb the giddy feeling from seeing him.

Even worse, he had recommended another man to her. That man to be specific.

Shuri played with the kimoyo beads on her wrist. The memory crept up on her. She had passed David, the merchant tribe's eldest son, on her way to the lab one day, and heard him whispering frantically to his friend.

"I swear it, Masego! You know my family's very conscious of spirits. A dark figure came to my flat in the middle of the night. Paralyzed with fear, I just stared at it. I heard a high-pitched screeching that sweetened into the most beautiful melody with no words."

'Leave her to her god. I'll tell you once only.'

"You watch too many movies, man." The friend shrugged.

"No, no it was a sign. In the morning, I examined myself and knew I had to cut ties with—" At that, the men had noticed her. True to his sweet nature, David had still acknowledged her with an awkward wave.

It had been the last she thought of it. Or the last she allowed herself to think of him. She had liked David.

But Wakandans and their superstitions weren't the clear conclusion anymore.

Chioma parted Shuri's hair. Shuri sat on a pillow on the floor between the woman's knees. She was lucky to have a former renowned hairstylist, manicurist, and masseuse in her life.

"You know for dry hair you have to first moisturize and then seal it with an oil. Oil seals in what's already there, so if you have arid areas on your scalp ... Shuri?"

"Yeah, yeah." She muttered.

Trying to reset her thoughts was difficult. Since M'Baku's exposure, Namor kept popping up in her head. And not out of love. Well, no, it was his arrogance to think he had the right to feel that way for her. Then, a little disbelief. A chunk of flattery. A supposed god of how many centuries was smitten with her? He was a man who was impressed by her intelligence and not repulsed or jealous of it.

"So, then you need to submerge your head in pig's fat, douse yourself with Sprite, and rub in crayon shavings at the root of the hair. For good measure add the blood of ten mosquitoes too."

Shuri turned around. "Huh? Chi, what are you talking about?"

Chioma withdrew her hands from an undone row. "Princess, you said you wanted to learn to be more self-efficient? Do you know how much I charged for this information back in Fatima's salon?"

"No, no I was listening! But maybe repeat the last thing you said, y'know for science."

"Already I know your mind is elsewhere." Chioma rolled her eyes, smiling with her one dimple. She was a round, bottom-heavy woman with thick legs and arms and doe eyes. Too sweet a woman to be with a doofus like M'Baku, but they had made it work these last six years. "How are the marriage interviews going? I heard the council is going to reveal the updated list."

Shuri could feel herself getting a crook in her neck.

"I went to one yesterday evening with a young man from the Border tribe, Ntali. It was perfectly fine, but there was no spark. He was polite and well-dressed, dutiful even. But when I expressed my desire to be beyond a political alliance, I saw him stiffened. To him, marriage seems just something to help unify Wakanda, but I want true love and children who love science as much as I do. And, I'm rambling now—OW!"

"Oops, you know you're so tender-headed." Chioma continued. "But it was just one meeting. Maybe he came off robotic and closed off. There are many more on the list to go through. Let M'Baku down easy, okay?"

Shuri burst out into giggles at the irony. Did Chioma suspect she had once (still) crushed on M'Baku?

Quietly Chioma separated a section of Shuri's hair.

Then, Chioma spoke, "Shuri, I know you want things to work desperately. But give it time. The right man will make himself apparent to you. And he'll apply pressure like the girls say."

She felt herself frown.

What was she implying?

"Chioma."

"Shuri."

"What do you mean by desperately? I haven't covered myself in honey to attract a man, no?"

"How young you are if you think what attracts bees work for men," Chioma said amusedly as if she was so much older.

"I don't see the humor. I know I want a family, a husband, and some kids." Shuri folded her arms.

"Yes, Shuri you have an intense desire, but don't force any connection. You know, M'Baku married me during the blip. I can't imagine what you experienced, but he suffered loss as well. He knows the feelings of grief and how it can fuel our decision-making."

Shuri opened her mouth, unable to hold back the wave of bitterness. "Temporarily. He got his family back. Only Patience and Maryam were wiped away by Thanos. He still had all his children from them at that time."

Chioma rubbed Shuri's shoulders. "Very true. It's hard to look a child in the eye and explain his mother is gone and most likely will never return along with their king. But you're right, Shuri. It's not my intention to compare the two. That's painful."

"Yeah, a pain that never goes away," she whispered more to herself. "But this is my personal day, so I want to be pampered not sad. Nails, hair, and updating my open-source, ethical AI model is my treat."

The other woman hummed for a moment and resumed her work.

Shuri laid back against her, listening halfway to the soap opera playing on Chioma's kimoyo beads. M'Baku's third wife loved romance and drama. She seemed experienced in it.

"Can I ask you something as a friend, Chi?"

"No, you may ask me as a sister," Chioma answered.

"Sister, is it wrong?" Shuri fumbled with her hands. "Although I'm a logical person, I realize I'm physically attracted to a man that's bad news."

"It's a rite of passage for most sheltered girls interested in men."

"But I don't want to be attracted to him. Even his mind and leadership attract me. I hate it." Shuri spoke quieter. "And his hands. They're so big! So callused. I can imagine how smooth and warm they'd feel against my skin. How he could throw me over his shoulder with no exertion. Just strong and sturdy."

"Mmmh. Now, where's the but?" Chioma asked, beginning to braid.

Shuri could feel her face get hot. It was embarrassing, but it was easier to talk to Chioma than Nakia. She was still sore at the spy though they were in a better place these days. M'Baku's wives had helped to fill that older sister role. Chioma was only a decade older than her, but she seemed so much wiser. She wouldn't conclude this was a matter of Shuri's hormones running wild.

"But he has hurt me before."

Chioma's jovial mood sobered. She tapped Shuri to turn around and face her.

"Hurt you how? This is the deciding factor of whether to discard him for good. In love, we may hurt one another by mistake or intentionally due to our own traumas and insecurities. But he should be working actively to not repeat such offenses against you."

How much could she tell her? Most of Wakanda knew the queen had been killed by a Talokan, but the identity was kept secret. Mostly in fear of riots and mobs wanting to enact street justice against Namor for the queen. But Jabari land was on the outskirts and slower to hear of news and gossip.

No, no, Shuri wouldn't trauma dump on her. She had a therapist for that, and she couldn't predict how her friend would react.

"Well, he hurt me by taking someone I loved away from me. It wounded me emotionally, so I fought him. And I won. Tore out his wings. Clawed him good. All I saw was red. I grounded his face into the dirt, but it didn't erase the hurt."

Chioma's eyes widened.

"With your newfound strength? Princess, do you realize you could kill someone like that? Even warriors know how to curb their punches."

Quickly Shuri recalibrated before she broke out into an anxious sweat. The less details the better.

"Metaphorically, sister."

She watched her let out a relieved breath.

Chioma held her lips together in a tight line. "Okay, well, he sounds like a narcissist if he purposefully separated you from loved ones. This whole situation sounds toxic, sis."

"Couldn't you say M'Baku is a narcissist then?" Shuri joked weakly.

Why was she trying to defend him? Namor's sickness of existing was warping her mind. She had already been exhausted before meeting him, but now her sense of reason had weakened. What in Hanuman's name was wrong with her?

Chioma was none the wiser to her momentary mental anguish.

"Pfft, he's overly in love with himself, that one. Prideful too! But he's selfless with his family, not demeaning us or putting himself before us. I love him so."

Shuri turned her back to her and squeezed her eyes tightly together. She ached. That pang of jealousy for someone being loved when she was so devoid of it. She wasn't hated or anything, but she wanted to be special to someone. Just her.

"If it was just physical alone, maybe I could allow myself to play around with it. Think of him like any handsome pop star or celebrity – nice to look at but no emotional bond. But ... we had a sort of intimacy." Shuri revealed.

For a moment, only the belligerent screaming of the soap opera played in the background.

"Turn your head to the side, now," Chioma said, giving her space to collect her thoughts.

How she loved her!

Shuri exhaled.

"He's not all bad. I've seen sides of him personally that are so loving and just that it makes things murky. Sweet as candy then a mercurial death god once he feels he has been wronged!"

"Sounds like my three-year-old with those mood swings." She chuckled, using the widetooth comb to run through the last section. "Shuri, I'll give you some advice. Women often want men to change. Sometimes, the men even lie and pretend for a while before going back to their old ways. This bad boy of yours has to want to change himself and be serious about it. You cannot will him to. You also shouldn't allow him the opportunity to hurt you again without evidence of his progression."

Shuri furrowed her newly plucked eyebrows. Deep down did she dream of entertaining a version of Namor that was caring and not quick to anger? A Namor like the one she met in the underwater cavern – affirming, determined, and kind?

"Besides, you owe it to yourself to meet the other candidates. Your mind is set and made up, trying to twist yourself into giving this bad boy another chance. Prince Charming may knock you off your feet at your next interview, but you first need to give him a chance to arrive."

Shuri imagined a man taller than her with a blank face but a kind smile. Welcoming hands. Loyal. Handsome. Loving.

"I think you're right, Chioma."

"I'm always right, sister. Ask M'Baku!"