Chapter 59: I Love Playing with Fire

The large trunk closed with a quiet thump. Everything about this car was bigger than her Corvette, and she was still getting used to it. Her driveway, as she found out, was tethering on too narrow for her SUV to squeeze through past the walls of her house. The Toyota Highlander was wider than her Corvette by a couple of inches - some very important couple of inches. She would probably get Hoyt to trim back some of the vines growing on their adjoining brick wall, and some of the bushes growing on the side of the house, so the branches and thorns don't scratch the doors. Yes, yes, Hoyt Fortenberry cleaned her chimney and now he was going to trim her bushes. Ha-ha, hilarious.

Without warning, she felt a storm coming. A rolling of rageful thunder boomed above her despite not hearing anything. The skies were blue with sparse white fluffy clouds and the air was clear and light. Goosebumps perked up on her forearms sensing something dark brewing - she was being watched. Olivia turned around and she immediately spotted a tall burly man with dark messy hair standing at the end of her driveway, watching her silently on the other side of her front gates.

Alcide Herveaux.

He looked different, somehow bigger and many years older. He had a dead stare in his eyes as if all the light inside him went out. A knot formed on her throat. She was looking at someone who once was dangerous enough to send her to jail. Now he was dangerous enough to kill her. But would he? The man she had known was a law-abiding officer. And a lover who once believed she could be saved. Was that still the man in front of her? Olivia wanted to believe he was. She wanted to believe that she had not destroyed this man's life. They did not see eye to eye, but Alcide did nothing to deserve everything he had been through since they met. She would like to say the same for herself, but she wasn't so sure if she could.

Alcide was the new Alpha of the local werewolf pack, a title he had sworn he would never take. He didn't want to become like his father, he didn't want to accept his fate, to be a leader to the people he saw nothing in common with. But destiny had other plans it seems; because Alcide and the local werewolves had one very strong thing in common: they all hated Eric Northman. Which by extension, meant they also hated her.

If one of the wolves were to get her, she wondered if Alcide would help them, or her. Judging by the dark and empty eyes back looking at her, the answer formed a pit in the back of her throat.

It pained her to see him like this, broken and filled with such raw anger. But Olivia also knew she had done everything she could for him. Still, she didn't like how things had gone so wrong, so fast between them. Despite how any of this had played out, it had all been inevitable. Feeling she was still safe since Samuel the bodyguard was parked down the street and watching the house, Olivia pressed the gate button on the inner door of her garage. After a pause, the doors parted with a metallic creak.

"Last time we spoke, I thought I made it clear I never wanted to talk to you again," Olivia said referring to their last phone call when she checked in on Debbie Pelt's recovery. That felt like three lifetimes ago. She slowly made her way towards him, hesitant to be too close. He only took a few steps inside. Alcide knew he, too, was being watched.

"No. The last time we spoke, you told me to run," he corrected her.

Olivia froze in place at the memory. It had happened just a few steps from where she stood. She was cowering on the floor of her destroyed kitchen, soaked in Chow's blood, staring at the corner where his body should have been, but wasn't. She warned the large wolf to get Debbie Pelt and run. Her heart started racing, wondering what happened after he disappeared past her fence that night. Did he find her? Did he help her disappear?

"I see you aren't very good at following my advice then," she said with a pain in her chest.

"Neither are you."

"I suppose."

From the corner of her eye, she spotted Samuel standing out of his pick-up truck with a serious and alarmed expression on his face. She gave him a little wave to stand down. He stayed put with a chest full of air, and eyes on high alert. If he were anything like Bobby, she knew he'd be armed. Hopefully, he wasn't trigger happy. It was the middle of goddamn day. Alcide followed her eyes and glanced at Eric's henchman standing across the street.

"Did you know you are being watched 24-7, everywhere you go?" Alcide asked, his voice was deeper than usual, and a bit hoarse as if he had spent the night howling. Maybe he had.

"Yeah, so?" She shrugged.

"Ever wondered what would happen if you tried to run?"

The knot in her throat grew, choking her. Was this what it felt like to have your thoughts read? Olivia was on her way to the airport, headed to a place much different than where she had told Eric. Despite having every intention of coming back, she knew exactly what Alcide meant. She had been in this predicament before, that same night she had seen him in his wolf form. That night… Changed everything. She was packed to run without actually knowing if she would be able to. Eric had promised her he would let her leave, that he would treat her just like anyone else. But she knew that to him, she wasn't like anyone else.

"Why would I run?" She deflected.

"Look at you," Alcide shook his head. "A caged animal and you don't even fucking know it."

Not this shit again. She rolled her eyes and sighed, already tired of him. "What the hell do you want, Alcide?"

"I want nothing from you," he nodded at her car. "Are you going somewhere? I saw you putting luggage in the trunk."

Olivia was in fact headed to the airport, to catch her flight to Atlanta, and then up to Newark, NJ for her cousin Tommy's 30th birthday. Not Havana, Cuba.

"Business trip."

"My advice? Don't come back."

"I thought we just settled that we don't take each other's advice," she crossed her arms.

Alcide took a step closer, and from her peripheral she could see Samuel following, one hand already behind his back. One subtle movement and it would be all over. She again signalled firmly for him to stand down. Being broad daylight, it wouldn't bode well to have a dead ex-government agent on her driveway. Or a dead bodyguard. Let's just say she would definitely miss her flight.

"I mean it this time, Olivia," he whispered in a growl.

"Oh, the other times were just for fun then?" She raised her eyebrows. Why did Alcide keep on insisting on saving her? Hadn't she shown him who she really was? "What happened to our deal? If you want Debbie to stay clean, that file has to remain shut."

Lighting, thunder, storms and rage echoed from his mind. Alcides's lips pressed and curled downwards as his square jaw clenched. His beautiful brown eyes pierced through her with unimaginable pain. Something terrible had happened.

"You didn't hear? Debbie is dead. She died that night."

Silence fell between them like a suffocating blanket. She felt suddenly shattered, pieces of her falling all over the pavement. It was only then her heart found the depth of the darkness, how deep she was really in.

Olivia knew immediately that Eric had killed her.

You kill a vampire, you have to die. It's the law - his law. Human, werewolf or vampire you must abide by Eric Northman's rules. An eye for an eye, blood for blood. Chow had died for her and Debbie had died because of her. This was on her hands too.

"I-" But she stopped herself. There was nothing to say.

"You didn't know?"

Olivia shook her head. Maybe it had been on the local news, but Olivia had been too busy lately to pay attention to any of it. But at the same time… Eric should have told her. Why hadn't he?

"Aren't you going to ask how she died?"

Was she torn limb by limb? Was her blood drained? Drowned in the Red River? Was she shackled and tortured in the dark? Did she beg for mercy? Did she suffer?

"Does it matter?" She heard her voice say. Olivia felt completely detached from her body, emotionless and on autopilot. She forced herself to go elsewhere. It was rare the moments where she felt a conscience for being a criminal, but they were unpleasant. Shutting it down was the only way forward.

"Yeah it fucking matters," his voice trembled. "My whole world ended, Olivia. She had her flaws, but she was everything I have ever known. My chosen family when I left home, she was my soulmate-"

"Yeah, your soulmate killed my fucking friend," Olivia coldly reminded him.

"Your friend," Alcide quickly exhaled, frustrated. "Was a fucking Yazuka member, did you know that?"

The tattoos he showed off so proudly, the quietness, the swiftness in his movement, how unbothered he was at the sight of violence. Olivia suspected as much, but it didn't make much difference to her. He was still a loyal man who died for her. Knowing Eric had killed Debbie Pelt gave her a strange sense of closure. Now she knew his death had been rightfully avenged. What bothered her is why he didn't tell her.

"Chow was loyal. That's all it matters to me."

Which was a whole lot more than she could say about Debbie Pelt, who traded information on Alcide to fuel her blood addiction.

"Of course, you don't care about that, look at the company you keep," Alcide shook his head, but not in disbelief, sadness or disappointment. It was an expression of relief. "I told myself you were different from them. I told myself this fairytale that you didn't know what you were getting yourself into, or that they were maybe threatening or blackmailing you into working for them-"

"You wanted to save me, I know," she crossed her arms. "Did you learn your lesson?"

His dark eyes went right through her, and she could feel the heat emanating from his skin. It reminded her of what his touch felt like.

"There is no saving you, Olivia Carson," his growl was low and deep.

But they were quickly silenced by the universally known click of the safety of a gun being disengaged. Samuel was standing right behind Alcide, hands deep in his hunting jacket, but she knew he had a gun inside his pocket.

"Is he bothering you, ma'am?" Samuel asked, eyes fixed on the back of Alcide's head. He was a large man, but Alcide towered them both.

"Mr. Herveaux was just leaving," Olivia nodded at Alcide, her voice had hardened.

The wolf backed away slowly, eyes glued to her. "Everything that you've done, and everything that happened to you… Just know that you have brought it on yourself. You've made your bed. Now you will lie in it."

Those words had cut deep into her heart, and she couldn't help but to retaliate. "I have seen what happens to the women you try to save, Alcide. I'm not interested."

A strange sound echoed through the streets. Rolling thunder and a broken heart.

It was dark and raining when she landed at the Newark Liberty airport. Here the rain was real, and not emotionally made. She usually asked her aunt Suzie to pick her up, but this time Liv had the misfortune to get picked up by her son, Tommy. Her cousin wasn't a bad driver, but he had the worst case of intrusive thoughts she had ever had the misfortune to meet. And it was usually ten times worse while he was driving so she had to focus on keeping her mind shield at an all-time high. But tonight of all nights, it felt particularly cumbersome to focus on it. She felt tired, and… Off. Despite overpacking a carry-on for a short weekend trip, Olivia had this heavy feeling on her chest that had forgotten something important back in Shreveport.

"Happy birthday old man!" Olivia forced herself to cheer up the second she got inside her cousin's car waiting in the arrival lane.

"Thank you and fuck you," Tommy tried not to laugh but failed. "How're you doing, cuz? You look pretty good for someone who almost fucking died."

She was happy to see him too, despite them arguing and bickering most of the time they spent together. They were no strangers to fighting, but they always forgave each other no matter what. Tommy was probably the only person in the world who actually knew the real her. Or at least, knew her the most.

"I didn't almost die, don't be so dramatic," she rolled her eyes, smoothing her semi-wet hair so it wouldn't dry too frizzy.

The truth was, Olivia had almost died. She felt the numbing cold, the darkness swallowing her mind, her conscience drifting into nothingness. And she knew precisely who had brought her back. Someone who was now very, very far away.

"But it wasn't a fender bender either! Aunt Tess told me you lost the 'vette?" Tommy restarted the car and pulled into the road, carefully easing into traffic.

Florida license plate. It's been a minute since I've had oranges. Do orange flowers taste like oranges? Can you even eat flowers?

Mind shield, Olivia. Mind shield.

"Well, yeah," she took a quick breath, focusing hard on only his spoken words. "Two scratches on that thing and it's an insurance write-off."

"Damn, for real? I am sorry for your loss," he sighed as if she had told him her dog died.

"What you should be sorry about is telling Jaimie about it, you big mouth," she then jokingly punched him in the arm a little too hard.

"Ow! Hey now! He's the one who called me! I told him he was tripping, my little cuz would never have a flashy ass car like that. It wasn't until later that your mom told me."

So her whole family was in on the gossip, got it. But at least Jaimie's story checked out. Taking a big sigh, Olivia shook her head. It was still freaking weird Tommy and Jaimie talked.

"But why did you even get a car like that in the first place? Flashy ain't really your style."

See? He knew her.

"I, ah… It was a gift."

She really needed a better story to tell people.

"A gift?!" He flashed his baby blue eyes at her. "Who down in Louisiana is giving out Corvettes as party favours?!"

"You do know who I work for, Tommy, no need to pretend that you don't."

It was her favourite thing about her cousin. There was never a need for pretenses.

"Yeah, ma and Tess told me after they saw you on TV that one time," he said as his shoulders tensed. Olivia would never forget getting that angry phone call from her mother while dying of the worst tequila-induced hangover of her life.

Hit the car in front of you.

Olivia held her car seat tight, but Tommy just drove as usual. He never let the intrusive thoughts win, but it was always nerve-wracking to hear his disturbing thoughts.

"They were so freaked out. They thought you had a vampire boyfriend."

Her mouth went dry. "I don't."

Tommy gave her a skeptical look. "Well, working for one didn't particularly ease their minds either..."

"Oh, they both told me multiple times on the phone."

I wonder how long I can drive in this traffic with my eyes closed - "That sounds about right. What are you driving these days?"

"A Toyota Highlander."

"Oh," Tommy raised his brows for a second and fell into silence while merging into the highway. It wouldn't be too long now until they arrived home. She could not wait to get the hell out of this car. "Well, I am glad you came to visit, even though it's not a holiday or anything."

Olivia shrugged with a smile. "You only turn 30 once."

"I honest to God don't know how either of us made it this far."

The two of them fell into a heavy silence, watching the windshield wiper push the heavy raindrops left and right. Olivia took a deep breath, one she needed to take for a very long time. Tommy had no idea how right he was. Her cousin now worked in sales at a car dealership and for all intents and purposes he had cleaned up his act in the past few years. But Olivia knew she wouldn't have to dig too deep to find any unsavoury pastimes he kept. It would not shock her or her family to discover if Tommy was still gambling or running pyramid schemes on the side. It was almost expected of him at this point.

But not with her. No one in her family even suspected any wrongdoing from her. She had always been the goody-two-shoes; the A+ student, the dedicated ballet dancer, the only person in her whole family to ever be accepted into an Ivy League school and make a 6 figure salary. Tommy, who got her mixed up in a fair share of his shenanigans, helped uphold that image for their mothers too and for that she was grateful. It had been an unspoken agreement between them. He knew how hurt their mothers would be if they knew the truth.

No one knew about her previous work with the cartel, or much of her vampire clients. No one knew about the long list of felonies and crimes she committed for a living, about the strip club, or the drugs. She took meticulous care in creating a lie-proof image of her life for them because it was what was best for everyone.

It wasn't even 15 minutes later when they pulled into the driveway of their mothers' house. Her family lived in a little suburban pocket in Newmark, in a house her grandparents had bought as an investment property in the late 70s. It had 2 stories plus an unfinished basement, 3 bedrooms on the top floor and a small office on the main floor. Everyone in her family (minus her father) had lived in this house at some point. Her grandparents lived here for 2 years while her granddad fixed up the house. Her aunt Suzie, uncle Robert and their only son Tommy moved in after Liv's grandparents died and the last tenants moved out. Uncle Robert, unfortunately, died in a boating accident around the same time Olivia's parents got divorced so her mother Theresa moved in with aunt Suzie. And finally, when Liv's dad passed away it was her turn to move into Ivey street.
Not much had changed since when she last came for Christmas. The roof was still in good shape, and the landscaping company she had hired was doing a good job as the lawn and bushes were trimmed, and the grass was spotless. Olivia noticed cracks on the driveway pavement, and the white paint on some windows was peeling. She would hire someone to take care of that before the winter if Tommy wasn't up for doing it himself.

Despite paying to take good care of this house, and making it by far the least shitty house on the street, she hated this place. It wasn't its brick facade or knock-off Tudor style, or the once pretentious little neighbourhood they lived in (much like the rest of Newark, it had gone further downhill with each recession).

No, it was everything this place stood for. It was tainted with angry dark memories, both past and present. She knew that one of these days when she walked through that door that she would find her mother to be too sick and too frail for her to say 'see you next time'. There wouldn't be a next time. She would have to stay and watch her mother die, something she'd been avoiding since her diagnosis. Her father at least had gone quickly, but her mother wouldn't be so lucky. Deep down, she was terrified of becoming an orphan.

Her cousin made his way to the front door, the charming little swagger in his step always brought a smile to everyone's faces. But not to hers. Liv knew he still suffered from chronic pain after those Russians beat him to an inch of his life after that dirty poker game. To this day, their mothers thought he was just mugged, and Olivia upheld that lie. It was, however, just an unfortunate part of being her. She carried everyone's secrets whether she wanted to or not.

Olivia got her carry-on from the trunk, shut the door quietly and paused for a second, watching the house and mentally preparing to go inside. There was no mind shield on earth that could handle her family, even her dad used to joke about it.

It broke her heart that she couldn't be fully herself with anyone. She couldn't tell her family about her life, she couldn't tell anyone in her line of work about hers. She couldn't tell friends about what she was, she couldn't ever be close with anyone or let anyone truly know her. It had been her unquestionable fate, until perhaps… Him. Eric knew a lot more than he should have, and the world hadn't collapsed. Yet.

Olivia hauled her bag inside where her senses were hit with the delicious smell of chocolate cake - Tommy's favourite. She hoped there would be oreo icing.

Her aunt Suzie popped out of the kitchen with her 'romaine calm and lettuce carrot on' apron tied around her round waist. "There she is! My goddess the south looks good on ya doll! Look at that tan!"

"Hey aunt Suzie, sorry we are late," Liv smiled, hugging her aunt.

"Ah! The highway is a nightmare, don't even tell me about it," her aunt gave her a good squeeze, and in her mind, she was assessing whether or not Olivia gained weight.

Great.

Her aunt pulled away, examining her outfit. "Is this what you're wearing to Tommy's birthday? You got holes in your pants!"

"I'm great aunt, Suzie, thanks for asking. And these aren't holes, they are ripped jeans-"

"Don't you own a dress like a grown-ass woman?"

"Yes! Jesus, I just didn't want to wear it on the plane-"

"Good dear, 'cause I found a really nice boy for ya and he's gonna be there and-"

"Suzie, could you at least wait for the poor girl to put her bags in her room before you play matchmaker?" Her mom's voice came out of her room. They converted Olivia's old bedroom on the main level into her mother's since she couldn't do stairs anymore.

And there she was: the reason she did any of this. The reason why she laundered money for criminals, the reason she kept herself apart from anyone. Her mother. If her family knew what Olivia really did, they would beg her to quit. But Olivia could not ever in a million years afford to take care of her family like she did by being a regular accountant, especially taking care of her sick mother.

She paid for her health insurance, for every doctor, every test, every medication and therapy available for her mom who had been sick with multiple sclerosis for almost 7 years now. And it was the bad kind too. Her aunt quit her job as an elementary school teacher and now worked part-time at a daycare. To anyone who asked, Suzie would say she retired early, thanks to her dead husband's Navy pension. But the truth was that Liv's mother needed a lot of care, from her steroid shots to activities of daily living and Olivia was ever so thankful her aunt was willing to do it. In turn, Liv also paid for all their utilities, property taxes (which are absurd in New Jersey, mind you), house maintenance, gas and groceries. They wanted for nothing.

Her mother respected that Olivia was an adult who had her own life, and they never asked her to stay, or move in. They were crowded enough in this house as it was, with Tommy moving in and out as he rotated jobs, and her years living there as a teen after her dad passed away had been turbulent at best.

Everyone understood their relationship, especially with their mother, was far better with some distance between them - being a telepath and all. And according to her mom, Tommy helped out too so it wasn't all on aunt Suzie's back. He drove her mom to appointments sometimes and took care of the car maintenance.

"Well, clearly I'm no good at it, Tess!" Her aunt whined. "Look at 'em! Tommy's 30 and hopeless, and Liv's eggs are shrivelling as we speak-"

"Oookay, that was unnecessary-" Olivia protested.

"Go get changed, Liv," her mother gave her a gentle kiss, and caressed her arms with hands so cold they felt like a vampire's. "I'm starving and I wanna go to Tony's before they run out of meatball subs."

Without protest, Olivia hauled her carry-on up the stairs into her bedroom which was her mom's old one. In many ways, she was thankful it wasn't the actual room she lived in when she was a teenager. She didn't think she'd have it in her to relive that part of her life. From downstairs, she could hear her aunt scolding Tommy for eating buttercream icing off the mixing bowl and him denying it while having a chunk of oreo on his chin. Her family was exhausting to be around, but they could also be wholesome and fun when the stars aligned.

Olivia changed out of her black ripped jeans and blouse and into a dark purple dress and sandals. For all family birthdays, they went to Tony's Tavern, a dingy dive bar her mother and aunt liked to frequent since they went to college. They had karaoke on Saturdays and a really good pepperoni calzone she loved.

Enjoying a moment of peace and silence Olivia sat on her old bed, admiring her room. She took a deep breath in, reminiscing the pale yellow walls of her mom's old bedroom, the old Sears bedroom furniture set her dad bought her, all her ballet trophies on top of the dresser, her grandma's quilt on the bed, the zigzags tracks on the carpet from the vacuum under her feet. It always felt surreal being here. It was heavy and real, like waking up into reality. The weight of all her lies always caught up with her. And Alcide's words echoed in the corners of her mind.

Everything that you've done, and everything that happened to you… Just know that you have brought it on yourself. You've made your bed. Now you'll lie in it.

Would she? Or would someone else, like Debbie or Chow? How many more people would lie in this bed before it came for her?

"How was your flight, darling?" Her mom asked from the doorway, breaking her away from her own thoughts.

"You came upstairs-" she said surprised. Theresa shrugged. I hope this cardigan hides how much weight I lost this summer. God knows she worries enough- "I have good days and bad days. Doing it once to see my daughter isn't gonna kill me."

Her heart tightened in her chest. "Mom, you don't have to lie to me."

"I'm not," she smiled, putting her hands deep in her pockets. "You look nice. The Louisiana sun really lightened your hair."

But she knew her mom was deflecting. She had lost a lot of weight, Olivia could see it in the hollows of her cheeks and the narrowness of her thighs. Her multiple sclerosis was the primary-progressive type, which meant its symptoms got slowly and gradually worse, without flare-ups and remission periods. It was a steady decline, with no prognosis of ever getting better. The coating of her nerves was slowly being eaten by her immune system, causing nerve damage, pain and numbness in her extremities. For her mom, it also caused vision, bladder and speech problems, but it mostly affected her hands and balance.

Her ears were used to it now, but her mother definitely slurred some words. But losing the fine motor skills in her hands was what her mother struggled with the most. From flipping pages of a book, closing the snaps of her bra, tying her shoes, to yielding cutlery while cooking or eating. Her balance also wasn't stellar by any means and Olivia was scared to death she'd break a hip. Hence, why she shouldn't have gone up the stairs by herself.

But more than anything, Liv knew her mother wished to be treated as if she were a person first, something Suzie and Tommy and all her doctors weren't so good at. Her family could go a little overboard on the care-taking sometimes, putting her disease first. So whenever she visited, Olivia tried not to helicopter-care much. Aunt Suzie and Tommy often perceived it as Olivia ignoring her mother's MS entirely, but Liv knew - she really knew - how much it meant to her mom. Being a telepath mostly sucked but had its moments.

"Thanks, mom. How have you been?"

"Oh, you know. Driving your aunt crazy as usual."

Olivia made a face. "You sure it's not the other way around?"

Her mother laughed, which eased the pain substantially. Laughter was not very common in her life. She really wanted more of it.

"How're things over in Shreveport? Making friends ok? Seeing anyone lately?"

"Oh! I see," Olivia laughed, wagging her fingers. Her mom was just like her aunt, just more graceful. "You're a sneaky one. No, mom, I'm not dating anyone."

The words coming out of her mouth tasted like a lie. It's like Olivia couldn't even control the truth anymore.

Her mom sat on the bed next to her, her weight not making much of a dent on the mattress. "Jaimie Kennedy called me earlier this week, we had a nice chat."

"Jesus, did he call my entire family?"

"He was worried about you, Olivia! I don't think he ever really got over you."

Olivia rolled her eyes and felt acid in her stomach - guilt for how much pain she'd put Jaimie through, this week and in the past.

Everything that you've done, and everything that happened to you-

"Yeah, I know."

"Why did you two break up? You never really told me."

"I'm pretty sure I did…" her best to avoid the conversation altogether.

"No, you didn't. One day you called me out of the blue asking if you could put some boxes in the basement because you were moving to New Orleans for a new job, and you just casually sprinkled that your engagement was over as if it were a small detail in the fine print."

Yeah, that sounded exactly like what happened. The heaviness in Olivia's chest was consuming her insides. It had been since the moment she walked into this house. That's the thing with families - you can only hide so much. Olivia spent years ignoring her conscience and burying her guilt so deeply that it allowed her to pretend and believe all the lies she told herself. But when your mother sits next to you on your childhood bed, you suddenly become very accountable for every bad thing you've ever done. When you look into her eyes you are forced to see who you've become, you are forced to feel every bad thing you've ever done. She hated this place because she couldn't hide from she was here.

"I got a promotion at my old job. They announced it at the retreat in Costa Rica, and he thought I had slept with my boss for it."

"Oh honey," her mom lowered her chin, her hand immediately grasping hers. Liv realized it then she could have really used this comfort when it had actually happened. "That is horrible! Did he really say that?"

It was like a knife stabbed and twisted at the same time. She knew exactly what her mother was asking. 'Did he say it, or did he think it?'. As if there were a difference. There it was - what Olivia avoided all along. The deep lack of understanding between her and anyone who knew what she was capable of. It wasn't her mother's fault for not knowing what being a telepath was like. But it was still disappointing.

"No, mom, he didn't say it. He didn't have to."

Tess gave her a piercing look. "Olivia, you can't judge people by what they think in the heat of the moment, only what they actually choose to say-"

"It's easier said than done, mom," her voice became cold. "How can I marry someone whose first instinct is to think less of me for my achievements?"

"So what? Jaimie had one moment of being an insecure little boy, that's men! They all do it."

"Yeah, no, I don't need that. I want someone I don't ever have to be small for."

Something inside her sparked. Her heart beat faster, and she felt a rush of adrenaline. Her mother looked deeply into her eyes for a long moment. Liv didn't dare overhear whatever it was she was thinking. "Well, God knows you are much smarter than all of us combined," she patted her hand in the way only mothers could. "Now, help me get back downstairs before Suzie finds out I'm up here and has a freaking aneurysm."

Olivia gave her mom's bony hand a good squeeze and helped her get up from the bed. Holding onto her arm for dear life, the two of them quietly made their way down the stairs towards the front door. Unfortunately, they did not reach the bottom of the landing quickly enough.

"What the hell are you doing all the way up there?!" Her aunt Suzie shrieked, digging the car keys out of her purse.

"Scheming," her mother answered immediately.

"Scheming what?"

"We were planning to rob a bank," Olivia answered. "Couldn't have you overhearing our plans. God knows you can't keep a secret."

"I can keep a secret!" Suzie scoffed. "I'm full of 'em."

"Sure, aunt Suzie."

"Thomas!" Her aunt yelled. "Get your damn face outta the frosting bowl! You're gonna be sick!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming, Jeez," Tommy strolled out of the kitchen licking his fingers. He picked up her mom's walker, folded by the coat rack. "Shall we go?"

Tony's Tavern was packed as always. Trays of pizza, baskets of chicken wings and pitchers of beer were on every tray servers were carrying. Olivia had ordered a single margarita for the night, as she was the designated driver. She totally forgot drinks at this place were insanely strong. Her drink was easily a glass full of tequila with a splash of lime. She realized it then that Tony's over-served alcohol on purpose, probably to launder money through the fake liquor purchases. Damn, she'd been coming here since she was a kid. Nothing was holy anymore.

Tommy was catching up with some of his friends at the bar. Friends that Olivia tried to avoid at all costs - much like her cousin, they were often some loud thinkers. Plus, Aunt Suzie was perpetually trying to marry her off to one of them. And beside her, her mom and aunt were blabbing off on the town gossip. She swore the two of them somehow knew everyone from here to fucking Staten Island. Some really drunk Rutgers college kids were singing Katy Perry on the Karaoke stage, completely off-key, so Olivia tried to focus on that. It was both awful and highly amusing.

"Hey! Paul said you didn't call him!" Aunt Suzie suddenly elbowed her lightly on the ribs.

"Paul? Who the hell is Paul?"

Her aunt had tried to set her up with so many of her friends and acquaintances son's that she had lost track.

"Nancy and David's youngest son? Tommy played soccer with his older brother-"

"Ah, that guy. Sorry, but I cannot date a med student. The dude probably has half a million in student debt, and I still plan to retire at 35 thank you very much. I'm not gonna be some doctor's sugar mama."

"He's a psychiatrist!"

Good God, can you imagine what shitshow that would be?! "You want me to date a psychiatrist?! If you guys are trying to get me admitted, just say that."

"Jesus Olivia, it's been two years since your engagement ended! You gotta get back out there!"

"Get back where?" Tommy asked, rejoining their booth with a harsh landing on the seat. "Hey! Are you moving back? Did you accept Jaimie's offer?!" He asked, a tad too excited.

"No!" Olivia refuted immediately. The offer? Jamie's offer of moving back to New York and working for him?

"What offer?" Her mother asked.

"You're talking to Jaimie again?" Her aunt Suzie's eyes were boring holes in her head.

Judging by the heat she felt on her face, Olivia was bright red. "No! No and no!"

"What offer, hun?" Her mother pressed again.

She threw her head back. Was this karma? It felt a whole lot like karma. "Jaimie was having some sort of psychotic delusion that I would ever, ever work for him-"

Her cousin scoffed loudly. Psychotic delusion? Is that what you fucking call a corner office in Manhattan with a 6 figure salary?

"Wait! You knew?" Olivia defied her cousin across the table.

Tommy's sharp eyes crossed hers. "Do not do that! I hate it when you do that!"

"You fucking knew!" She exploded, her hands slammed on the table, making all the glasses shake.

"Hey! Hey!" Her mom interjected. "Stop it you two! We are in public-"

"Can one of you tell me what the fuck is going on?!" Aunt Suzie followed. "Sharing is caring!"

Olivia and Tommy were in a gladiator death stare match. How can she be so fucking selfish and turn him down? Does she not want to live close to her family? Her mom is quite literally dying and she acts like visiting twice a year like a goddamn tourist is some sort of sacrifice-

"You don't know a goddamn thing about sacrifice, Tommy-" Olivia said coldly, feeling her heart squeeze in her chest.

She wanted to tell them. She wanted to tell him everything because if Alcide Herveaux was right if she was about to lie in the bed she was making, she would fade away from the world and no one would mourn who she really was.

"Stop it you fucking freak!" Her cousin replied. That made necks around them turn.

"That's it!" Her aunt stood up suddenly. "Outside! Both of ya!"

"But it's my birthday-"

"I don't give a fuck! Outside!" She pointed to the door, her face turning red.

Olivia quickly glanced at her mom, and in her eyes, it was not only anger but also disappointment. She didn't know how she would tell her mother she had a chance to move back home and not only declined but exploded that bridge, without sounding like the world's most selfish asshole.

Her aunt shooed them away from the table. This was far from the first time their mothers had to intervene between Tommy and Olivia arguing, and surely it wouldn't be the last. The two stomped their way out of Tony's, which luckily had a small vinyl awning lining its facade. No one was outside as it was absolutely pouring rain, making a small waterfall off the old vinyl cover. The heavy water droplets almost sounded like bullets hitting the rooftops of the cars in the parking lot. The puddles forming on the cracked pavement, the seedy neighbourhood around them and the neon lights above Tony's barred windows reminded her a lot of Fangtasia. Newark however, was its own brand of shitty while being highly elitist at the same time.

The front door had barely closed when Olivia started yelling. "It was you! You told Jaimie to come! Do you have any idea what could have happened?!"

What Tommy had practically made her do? What could have happened if Jamie found out who Eric was?! He could have fucking died! Plus Tommy had absolutely no fucking right meddling in her life like this.

"How could I fucking not, Olivia?! It's selling private equity for the top 1% of New fucking York! You'd be really good at that!"

He used the exact same words Jamie did, which pissed her off even more. "Do you even know what any of that means, you fucking bird brain?!"

"Honestly? I fucking don't! But look at yourself!" Tommy's voice was not only full of anger, but also of anguish and frustration. "Working for vampires doing God knows what, living in an old house in buttfuck nowhere, driving a shitty SUV, how is that better than what Jaimie has to give you?!"

"Wow," Olivia felt her hands turn into fists. Tommy knew her so well he saw right through her lies. "Nice high horse you go there. Who the hell do you think you are to judge how I live my life?"

"Hey, I know I'm not perfect but at least I'm not sponsoring my fucking family with bribe money."

Her heart squeezed. "Who the hell said anything about-"

"You are fucking working for vampires! Look at you! Look at your life! God, you are just like your father!"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" The two were head to head, jaws locked ready to jump at each other's throat. They hadn't thrown hands at each other since they were kids, but she had the feeling this was where they were headed.

"I know how he paid for your cozy fucking life when we were kids. Going to fancy schools, the ballet academy, all of it."

It wasn't a secret in her family that her father was an underground boxer who got pay-outs from bookies all around New York from illegal fights. It was just another chapter in the long book of things they did not talk about. But this was the first time anyone had actually shamed him for it to her face and she found it made her absolutely fucking furious.

"He fucking bled for it! He bled for everything I had! So what I am like him?!" She hissed through her teeth. She had spent countless hours patching up her heavily concussed father. Making ice packs, cleaning wounds, giving him stitches. She would always be proud and grateful for everything had father had done, legal or not. How fucking dare he imply otherwise?

"And how have you bled, huh? What have you done for the fucking blood money you send every month?"

Blood money. For a brief second, she believed he knew everything as if he had superpowers of his own.

Everything that you did, everything that happened to you…

Olivia froze still, too stunned to even say anything. It was as if she had been fucking shot, the truth piercing right through her chest. The sound of rain consumed everything around them, and she could feel the cold splash on her bare legs. She knew drug money was not what Tommy meant - there was no way on Earth he could have known. But the metaphor had stabbed her a little too close to her heart. Living in Shreveport may not be the shiny, ideal life she always dreamed of. But her so-called blood money did allow her to take care of her family, which included his own mother. How could Tommy not see that?

That, and... There was Eric. Everything that she had done, and everything that happened to her - had also happened to him. Yet he didn't resent her or judged her for her choices, or exploited her. She wasn't only doing this for them anymore, she was very much in it for herself too. She liked the life she had there, and Eric was a big part of why. The money they made may be bloody, but Eric was worth every drop. The clarity was dizzying.

Both of them stood down. Tommy's guilt settled immediately. Tommy didn't care if Olivia committed crimes or not, God knows he had committed his fair share for his own petty and greedy purposes. He was just angry she was risking herself for it. Deep down, he loved her. At the end of the day, it was all it mattered.

"It's not a sacrifice…" Olivia said after a while, once the silence was too great to bear. It really wasn't a sacrifice to commit crimes. To risk her life. To risk everything. She wished she could say that, but she knew she couldn't. And it was starting to kill her. "...To come visit."

"I didn't say-" Tommy sucked on his teeth loudly, stopping himself. He didn't say it, but he did think it earlier. And he knew that.

"Look, I fucking know, ok? I know my mom is not doing well, I'm not fucking blind," Olivia interrupted him before they got in any deeper. "And I'm sorry I dumped this burden on you and your mom, and all I'm doing is throwing money at the problem. But I seem to be the only one around here who remembers that I don't particularly get along with my mother outside of being a guest. Or did you forget I didn't speak with her or your mom for almost three years after high school?"

Hell, she couldn't go three hours without wanting to jump on Tommy's throat.

"Yeah, I remember things were tough. But you were grieving your father and shit-"

"It's always been like this Tommy. Since I was a little kid. You guys like to pretend I'm not different from you but ignoring it doesn't make it true."

Tommy gave her a sad look, his curly hair immediately weighing heavier with the humid air. His eyes sparkled with the neon lights of Tony's sign. It reminded her of him.

"Is it true though? That you can't hear them?"

She sighed with a heavy chest. Her powers are not something their family ever discussed. She was surprised her mother even said anything to them. Maybe their silence was their way of making her feel welcome, but she only ever felt alienated by it. There was never any space for her to talk about it. When she was little, adults often found her creepy, other kids found her to be weird. Her mother and aunt used to lie to people, relatives included, behind her back that she was autistic so people would be kind and patient with her.

But what they failed to understand is that could hear people's thoughts - including the ones where they thought she was autistic. It was a lot of gaslighting for a kid, but Olivia knew from where the lies spread, and she had to suffer the strange way people treated her. As if there was something wrong with her. Her mother tried her best, and she knew that, but she was unequipped to raise a daughter like her. It was one of the reasons she begged to live with her father. He would never in a million years do this to her.

However, there was her cousin. Thirty years old and finally acknowledging she was different for the sake of their relationship - and not for money and profit like he had done the last time. Maybe that's why she had gone along with the whole poker thing. Liv didn't know if she was moved, tired, or uncomfortable, but she felt her eyes water for a brief second.

"That's right."

"Is that why you turned down Jamie's offer then? Because you actually like working for vamps?"

It wasn't that simple but… For one of them, yes. Plus… She was good at it. She liked what she did. But Olivia couldn't bring herself to admit that to anyone other than herself for some reason. Maybe because it made it real.

"I denied his offer because Jaimie is a fucking idiot who's still in love with me, okay? Plus the salary didn't compensate for the stupid high cost of living that comes with working in Manhattan. I wouldn't be able to take care of you guys like I do now, and retire in a few years like I want to."

Tommy shook his head. "You shouldn't have to sacrifice your career for us."

She was sacrificing many things, but she never thought she was sacrificing this. "I'm not-"

"Look, no," he interrupted, waving his hands. "You're a pain in the ass but you're also kind of my sister so don't take this the wrong way, but if in 20 years you're still working as a bookkeeper for some sketchy vamp lord who owns a strip mall and visiting twice us twice a year, I'll fucking kill you."

Well, that took a turn. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You got something special none of us have!"

Olivia imagined having this conversation with her family many times over, but it never went like this in her head. She actually felt a bit embarrassed.

"Oh, shut up! What is this? I owe it to myself to be extraordinary or some bullshit?"

"No! No, fuck you! You don't owe it to yourself. You owe it to me, to all of us. I'm never gonna get out of this fucking place okay? In 20 years I'll still be jumping from job to job because sooner or later they always realize I'm a fucking moron, and I know I am."

"You're not! You're like one of the smartest people I know-"

"I'm not like, a functioning adult, okay? I dropped out of college twice, I can't handle responsibility, or like, a fucking commitment. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing with my life. Why do you think mom gave up trying to set me up? Cause I'm an embarrassment, and that's fine by me, okay? I know I should be grateful you got our family's backs, cause they'd be fucked if they needed to rely on me. But you? You're settling for crumbs. You are sitting on a winning lottery ticket and you're too much of a chicken shit to cash it in."

Olivia didn't know if she was heartbroken or offended. Maybe both. Had he forgotten? Was having a short-term memory a fucking dominant gene in this family? She took three steps towards her cousin, leaned down and smacked him right on his knee cap, the one she knew was crippled. Tommy had almost died from abusing her powers with underground poker and clearly, he learned fucking nothing from it. Despite not hitting him hard, the impact alone sent him stumbling and cursing towards the brick wall of the building.

He was almost out of breath when he managed to yell actual words at her. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! What was that for?!"

She would never actually hurt him, of course, but he needed a very real, very lively reminder of what had happened. She opened Tony's front door, wanting to get out of this miserable weather, but she stopped herself. Olivia took a moment to look at her scrawny cousin, who looked up at her scared. He looked at her as if he didn't recognize who Olivia was, but at that moment she never felt more like herself. She realized that people like Tommy don't survive in her world either.

"That's the kind of shit that happens when I cash it in, Tommy. It's not a lottery ticket, it's a fucking curse."

And no one else was going to lie in the bed she was making.

A.N:

AYO I finally finished! I think this chapter takes the prize for one I spent the most amount of time on, but I knew it had to come together correctly. Here's why (other than I've been too busy being an adult) it has taken me 2 months to finish this part of the story:

99% of fanfics I've read in this fandom with an OC (and hell, even with Sookie in the original works) depict a heroine with no parents or no family at all. They are often orphans with tragic backstories. Why? Because families hold you accountable for your choices, and this (as I found out) is extremely hard and nuanced to write.

This story is very much about Olivia's choices to be good/evil/both. It was easy for her to ignore her conscience and have little to no guilt for all the bad things she's done, and just believe in her own lies of 'this is how it has to be done' - but when visiting her family she is forced to face who she really is and who she's really doing this for, and how much blood spilled is too much? Who else has to get hurt? Where is she going to draw the line?

~keep on reading to find out~

Although I have no idea when I'm going to post next, I am being 100% fueled by insomnia right now

xoxo leave me some love in the comments