The One Left Behind
At the first group session after Susie left, Frisk took the opportunity to speak about the Underground and Susie's departure. True to Eleanor's prediction, several students in the group session were intrigued by their magic and asked if they could know the colours of their souls. Since they had learned to view souls at will now, it took little effort on Frisk's part to inform the few who asked.
In their group, they saw several blue, orange, and yellow souls. There were a couple each of purple and green souls, and one cyan soul. Frisk was a bit disappointed that there were no other red souls, but that was okay. It's not like anyone had any control over what colour their soul was.
From then on, Frisk rarely had to spend a meal alone. Different girls would cycle through and ask them questions about magic while talking about the worlds they visited. They kept some mental notes about the soul colours of the students and the skills they developed during their travels. They noticed that the skills and abilities of the students tended to match the magic that their soul colours would indicate.
The candy girl with the yellow soul – Sumi – was an interesting example. She couldn't sit still and chattered nonstop about anything that came to mind. She seemed to have no filter or off switch. If Frisk hadn't seen the yellow glow during that first group session, they might have assumed that she was an orange soul or possibly a blue soul. Yellow suited her much better though. She seemed to have a natural intuition and was extremely intelligent, for all the nonsensical leaps in "logic" that she made. Regardless of her reasoning, her conclusions tended to be correct.
And Sumi was just one person. There were dozens of students at this school who had their own stories and individual personalities. Some students who looked like they might thrive in a high Logic world at first glance instead told them that their world was primarily Wild, or Whimsy, or on some other minor axis that clearly distinguished itself from their assumptions. It was nice to learn more, and better to see that appearances truly meant nothing here.
People were people. Each person was nothing more or less than themselves, and this school let each person thrive.
Still, all the attention didn't keep them from missing Susie. Eleanor decided to let them live alone when they informed her about the Dark Fountain appearing. After meeting Sumi and Christopher, they believed it might be for the best. Sumi was nice and all, but Frisk knew they couldn't live with her. They might be friends if she could stand still long enough, but being roommates was out of the question.
As for Christopher, he seemed alright. He only talked to them in private about Mariposa, where skeletons danced and communicated through music and motion. He asked Frisk to keep the details to themselves since Underworlds tended to have a similar bad reputation to Wicked worlds. They might have ben able to live with him, but he seemed to prefer having his own space.
Time moved on, and Frisk continued to improve their agility and knife skills while attempting to add their soul into the exercise. It was difficult, but they were finally successful for the first time in late November. They had managed to get through a full set of knife stances while moving their soul around the strikes. It wasn't quite at full speed yet because they didn't want to stab their soul, but they could keep a consistent rhythm to the movement and get to the end without mistakes.
A moment after feeling pride in their accomplishment, Eleanor called them inside to ask a favour.
"We have two new students arriving today, sisters. They are both much older than you, but you've been good at getting along with most of the students over the past couple of weeks. I'd appreciate it if you could show them around tonight." Eleanor explained, "They'll be rooming together, so I'll take them to their room. If you could show them the library, the yard, and the classrooms, I'd appreciate it. You also have my permission to miss group therapy tonight to give them the tour."
Frisk could only nod in agreement. Showing people around wasn't hard, and they were new enough to remember what was good to know sooner than later. It would also give them a chance to ask the sisters about the worlds they went to and perhaps see what colours their souls were.
While they were a bit disappointed about not getting a new roommate, they found they didn't mind too much. Thinking about sharing a room with someone other than Susie felt strange. It was hard to picture what a new roommate could look like so soon after Susie's departure.
The new girls were introduced at supper, same as Frisk was nearly two months ago. Two thin, blonde girls stood at the front of the dining hall. They looked so similar but held themselves so differently it was easy to tell them apart. The girl with the glasses and long dress grimaced as she looked at the hall of people. Her gloved hands were clenched together firmly while her eyes seemed to be analyzing the room. The girl in the t-shirt and jeans walked gracefully and gave a sweet smile to the onlookers. The clothing hung off her wiry frame and only exaggerated how thin her arms and legs were. Additionally, her attire didn't match her demeanor at all.
Eleanor wasted no time in introducing them after they entered, "Everyone, I'd like to introduce two new students to you. These are Jacqueline and Jillian. They are sisters who traveled to a high Logic, high Wicked world called The Moors. Please be kind to them as they settle in. Welcome to our school."
The students tucked into their food as soon as Eleanor was finished speaking. Frisk noticed her point the new girls in their direction before heading to the cafeteria. They assumed Eleanor was informing them who would be showing them around.
That assumption proved correct when Jacqueline and Jillian sat down at their table with two trays of food. Jacqueline immediately began separating the food on her plate while Jillian stared at it with a hint of disgust.
"Hi. Welcome to school." Frisk said, "I'm Frisk. Eleanor asked me to show you around after supper. Do you like it here so far?"
"Not enough data to form any conclusions yet. It can't possibly be worse than living at home though." Jacqueline replied, "And call me Jack."
"Jill," Jill said, "I'm not impressed so far. Eleanor said that she couldn't get me the food I require at such short notice, so I'll need to go without for tonight. It's such a shame."
Julia had said that food was a good place to start when trying to get to know people. "What kind of food do you eat?" Frisk asked.
"My master only had the highest quality, as was his right. In return, I made sure to consume only foods that improve the quality of my blood. Red meat, either blue or rare, spinach, and other iron-rich foods are what earn me the right to be his daughter, unlike those other fools who declined his hospitality or shamed him with their poor behaviour. He will turn me once I return to the Moors. I just need to keep myself in perfect condition until the Door calls me back." Jill explained.
Frisk took a peek at her soul as she spoke. Jill was a rare cyan soul. Patience seemed to be the key for her.
"Turn you?" they asked.
"My master is a vampire. When I turn eighteen, I will take my place as his daughter for eternity." Jill said, "It is too bad he wouldn't turn me sooner. I have been ready for months, but he says he must follow the rules and give me the chance to change my mind until I turn eighteen. Apparently, it is unfair to let a child to decide what they want before they reach maturity."
"I understand. Sometimes stuff like that is unfair." Frisk agreed. Secretly, they agreed with the master in this case. Seventeen was close to adulthood, but they didn't think they'd want to be a child or teenager forever. "Sometimes, all you can do it wait though."
"I'm tired of waiting!" Jill complained, "If I didn't have to wait, then those rotten villagers wouldn't have sent me back! It's their fault that I'm stuck here instead of at my master's side."
Frisk just nodded. They didn't know what had happened, but it was easier to just agree with opinionated people sometimes. They didn't know enough about the situation to try to comment or change her mind.
Jack decided to contribute some information too, "I lived with a mad scientist. He's quite a genius. The Moors are a harsh place to live, but science can achieve anything. We used the power of lightning to raise the dead, chemistry and physics to aid the villagers under the master's domain, and biology to increase the nutritional value of our food. It was hard work but rewarding."
Jack's soul glowed a brilliant purple. Frisk could see the lab coat and gloves superimposed over the dress. She truly is a mad scientist.
"I can see that. The lab coat suits you much better than that dress you're wearing. Remind me to take you two to see Kade later. I'd bet the daughter of a vampire doesn't like the clothes of a commoner either." Frisk commented.
"Absolutely right." Jill agreed.
Jack looked at them curiously. It seemed like she had questions for them but decided to keep them to herself for now. Instead, she asked about Kade. "I assume this means we can get new clothes?"
Frisk nodded, "Yep. Kade takes exchanges if you want to give him the clothes that you don't like. He also takes payments in stories about your world if you need alterations or new clothing."
"It would be new, right? The thought of wearing something that someone else has touched, it makes my skin crawl." Jack asked.
"I'm not sure. That's something you can talk to him about. I haven't needed to get any new clothes yet, so I'm not exactly sure what sort of stock he has." Frisk replied. Some day they'd grow enough that they could use the credit.
"And is there someone to take care of hair cuts and similar services? I can do it myself, but I would like to know what resources are available regardless." Jack said.
Frisk had nothing to say about that, "I don't know. I haven't needed a haircut since I've been here, so I don't really know about it."
"Really?" Jack questioned, "Have you not been here long then? Your hair is quite short, so I assumed you would need a trim every couple of months to maintain the length."
Frisk shook their head. They hadn't thought about it, but it was a bit off that their hair was the same length nearly three months later. Their last haircut was before the school year started and the ends still rested around their ears. Their hair had always grown quickly before, but now it seems to have stopped.
"I've been here for almost two months. My last haircut was before the school year started. Now that you mention it, it doesn't look like my hair has grown at all. Don't know why." Frisk told them.
"It doesn't bother you that you have a boy's haircut?" Jill asked.
"It's not a boy haircut because I'm not a boy." Frisk said.
"Well you certainly don't look like a girl." She continued.
"Thanks!" Frisk exclaimed, "I'm not a girl either."
"That's unrealistic. You're either one or the other." Jill replied.
Jack cut in with some damage control, "Just let it be. Everyone's different. For all we know, they're from a world where gender doesn't exist. Regardless, it is nothing but a construct on Earth, meaningful only in the value we prescribe to it."
Frisk smiled, but Jill's comment stung a bit. "You're right. The Underground is a moderate Nonsense, moderate Virtue world. Did Eleanor talk to you about what that means?"
"She gave us a short summary, but it was lacking in many details." Jack said.
Frisk hummed, "Lundy, she's the psychologist and academic advisor here, will tell you all about it tomorrow. You've probably got academic placement tests tomorrow? She'll explain the Compass and stuff about the Doors when you meet her." They explained, "Keep in mind that she's an adult and treat her like one. She looks like a little kid, but she's not. She was cursed to age backwards when she was banished from her world. The Goblin Market doesn't take kindly to rule-breakers."
Jill interrupted them impatiently, "That's all fine, but I'd like you to hurry up and finish eating so we can move on. The sooner we can get our bearings, the sooner I can make preparations to return to the Moors. It wouldn't do to be unprepared and unsuitable when the master calls me home."
Frisk obliged and finished their food quickly. The tour of the buildings and the yard was quick too, since there wasn't a lot to see outside of classes. After showing Jack and Jill where the high school classes were held, they brought the two back towards the dorms.
"This hall has the boys' dorms. Kade's room is the one with the Keep Out sign on it. Just knock when you want to talk to him and bring any clothes for exchange. You might have something in common since he's from a high Logic world too." Frisk told them.
"If that is all, I will be heading back to our room. I need to make sure that the bed is satisfactory before turning in for the night." Jill stated and walked away.
Frisk wasn't sure how much they liked either of the sisters. Jack seemed okay, but Jill was kind of self-absorbed and rude. They didn't expect to make lasting friendships with either of them and was glad that neither of them ended up as their roommate.
Jack waited a moment for Jill to leave their sight before turning to Frisk and saying her piece. "I have a few questions for you about what you said earlier. It's nothing that won't keep for now. I'll seek you out during some of our free time in a few days, if that's all right."
Frisk shrugged, "Sure. I'm happy to help if you have questions about the school or need help with anything. Oh, and I don't know if Eleanor told you this, but there is mandatory group therapy after supper Monday through Friday. The three of us got a free pass tonight since you're new, but when Lundy assigns you to a group, then you'll have to go. Please tell Jill too."
"Thanks. I'll see you around, Frisk." Jack said as she stalked away.
The two were a bit odd, but Frisk didn't think they had any right to judge. They knew that they were weird too. For their sakes, they hoped that the girls settled into the school well. If their souls were any indication, Jack could probably find her door again soon. If Jack found the Door, then Jill wouldn't be far behind. If they went to the same world, then only one of them should have to find the Door for both to go through.
Unless their Door had a condition to open it. If they found the Door together the first time, then maybe it would only open again if they were both ready to go back. There was no way to know.
Speculation wasn't going to get them anywhere, so Frisk dismissed the thoughts for now. Just like the other students, they didn't have enough information to guess at what they needed to open their Doors, and there wasn't enough of a personal connection for them to try to help.
Helping Susie was natural because they were friends. They knew her and lived with her and she was really special. They helped her show herself some kindness and accept herself. When she accepted herself and saw herself as the monster she was, then the Dark Fountain opened. They couldn't do that for anyone else yet, and they weren't sure they were ready to try either.
Losing friends was painful. They were happy that Susie found her way home, but they still missed her.
Emotions are complicated.
With nothing better to do, Frisk returned to their room. They kept up their routine and life moved on.
It wasn't until the weekend when Jack approached them again. She made sure to announce her presence so as not to startle them while they were performing agility drills. It was slowly becoming easier to manipulate their soul while running and jumping around.
"Frisk! I have some questions for you which require both your confidence and discretion." Jack called from a short distance away. There was no one else around who would care, even if her voice was overheard.
Frisk finished the short run and walked over to Jack while taking care to do a few cool down stretches. They noticed that she had gotten a new wardrobe from Kade. She looked much more comfortable in her skin now than she had been a few days ago.
"What's up?" They asked.
Jack was straight to the point, "The night we arrived, you said that my lab coat suited me. How could you see it?"
"It's part of my magic. Or maybe it's a side effect. I don't really know." They answered honestly.
"Explain what you do know then."
"Sure. Uh, do you want the short version or all the details?" Frisk figured it would be best to know beforehand. Jack was definitely a no-nonsense girl, so they didn't want to waste her time.
It was a good guess. "Start with the short version. If I need the details, I'll ask for them. How and why could you see a lab coat that wasn't there?"
"Part of my magic lets me see people's souls. Usually, it's just what colour they are and how bright or dim they are. The brightness changes all the time when people are upset or happy or really into something." Frisk began.
"I don't need the details."
"That wasn't the details. That's something you need to know." Frisk continued. They paused for a moment, but Jack didn't interrupt again, "Different colours mean different things, but you probably don't care about the specifics. I only have a guess at this point since you're the second person I've seen, but I think that when your soul and your mind are aligned in their beliefs, in a sense, I can see it. When you know who you are, are fully confident in it, and are true to your values, then I can see it from your soul."
Jack put a hand on her chin as she considered something. "You saw my lab coat because I know I'm a monster, a mad scientist and am true to my beliefs…"
"Beliefs isn't quite right. I said values because soul colours have traits attached. Not all monsters believe in it, but I think I do after meeting and seeing enough humans." Frisk said.
"Values then." Jack continued, "But you couldn't see Jill as the daughter of a vampire?"
Frisk nodded, "Her soul is cyan, but that's all I could see from her. I saw your purple soul and the science gear. You must be more aligned to your Perseverance than Jill is to her Patience."
"You're certainly right about that." Jack spent a moment thinking before turning to walk away, "Let me know if something changes, alright? If you can see Jill as a vampire, tell me immediately."
"Sure." Frisk agreed. They didn't expect to see a change any time soon, but telling Jack about her sister having a breakthrough could help them get home. There was no reason not to help if they could.
As Jack walked back toward the school, she stopped and asked one more question, "What about your soul? What colours and values do you have?"
Frisk was a bit surprised by the question. Most students didn't care about their soul, "Red, for Determination. I'm still working on it."
Jack nodded and left them alone. They wondered if that had helped Jack at all. If she was a mad scientist, then talk of magic and souls probably meant nothing to her. This kind of magic wasn't rooted in physical evidence, nor did it follow any strong, logical reasoning.
It was curious that she thought to ask them about it in the first place. What answers was she looking for? And did she find them? Only time would tell if soul stuff mattered to her.
Until then, she had asked them to keep it to themselves. All Frisk could do was hope that she could find the answers to her questions. They would probably still be around if she ever needed more information.
Life was surprisingly static at the school full of dimension travelers. Very little changed as winter came, but the outdoor education class was not allowed to have their monthly camp outside while there was snow on the ground.
As the month rolled over into December, Frisk had their third therapy appointment. Whether Julia suggested something to Lundy, or she had originally intended to broach the subject this session, Frisk was made to explain the circumstances leading up to their fall for the second time. Talking about how little they cared about their survival wasn't any easier the second time. They felt exposed, scared, vulnerable, and lonely. A part of them yearned for Susie's company, though she had been gone for weeks now. She was never coming back.
They thought they understood that before, but now it was starting to sink in. Susie went home. A Dark Fountain would never open for her to return. The first and only friend they had made in years was gone forever and there was nothing they could do. Frisk hadn't touched anything on Susie's side of the room since she found her way back. If her stuff was still there, just as it always had been, then part of them could pretend that she might visit or send a letter or do any number of impossible things to let them know that she was still thinking of them sometimes.
But that was just an impossible hope. They spent the rest of that therapy session crying and ignoring Lundy's attempts to engage them in anything. The next therapy appointment was set for one week later instead of four.
The fourth therapy session was not pleasant either. While time had allowed them to start accepting the loss of their friend, it did very little to diminish the shame of dealing with their fall. Lundy showed them some statistics regarding the frequency of mental illness among trans people, even without considering the alienation of living in a world you didn't truly belong. She spent most of the session helping them to come up with coping strategies and what they might want in the future.
Ha. The future? Frisk wasn't in the mood to try to imagine the future. There wasn't a future. They weren't growing at all. After being back for five months, they were still exactly the same height as they were when they had fallen into the Underground six Earth months ago. That wasn't even including whatever number of months they had spent in the Underground. For all they knew, it could have been a year in their time since they stopped growing. They could be thirteen already, and still only as developed as an eleven-year-old. Their hair was the proof that they weren't just a late bloomer. It hadn't grown since it was cut back in August. Thinking back, it hadn't grown when they were Underground either, they just hadn't noticed it at the time.
For some reason, they were stuck. They didn't have a clue about how to fix it.
Christmas came and went. Frisk thought that the holiday might cheer them up and was genuinely looking forward to it until the day arrived. The letter that they had intended to send to their parents was shredded when they saw the lacy pink shirt and training bra that their parents had sent along with their latest letter addressed to their old name.
Their parents cared, but they weren't listening.
New Year's passed without fanfare or celebration. Time moved on and Frisk became skilled enough with their knife that they were sometimes allowed to practice with a live blade. They tried not to think about how Susie might be proud of them.
They kept an eye on Jill at Jack's request, but nothing in her soul had changed. She wore the soft, pale gowns she preferred, and otherwise spent time antagonizing people or creeping them out. Going to a world straight out of a horror movie didn't make either Jill or Jack very popular.
The mad scientist reputation had gained Jack an especially bad reputation after an incident involving a guinea pig and the offer to bring it back to life like Frankenstein. Science could be pretty scary.
Life kept going and seemed to leave Frisk behind. They didn't know what they were going to do about it, but they knew that they desperately didn't want things to stay this way.