Taylor and Ridge

Taylor dug her toes into the wet sand, she glanced down in surprise as a wave washed over her bare feet, she wasn't even aware that she'd taken her shoes off let alone the fact that she'd subconsciously decided to come to the inlet below Steffy's house. She vaguely remembered driving away from Deacons flat in tears, she had no idea of where she was going, but had ended up outside of Steffy's house. Refusing to let her daughter see her like this, or to dump all of this bad news onto her already fragile shoulders, especially when she'd just got back from her trip, she'd instead headed to the small public park 3 miles down the road, and then had hiked her way up to the inlet.

She looked up at the long drop, her mind going straight to what Thomas had described to her of what had happened that night. In her minds eyes she see the storm raging as her precious daughter dangled precariously over the cliffs edge, knowing that long drop was waiting for her. Then she imagined the fear and terror of both Liam and Finn as they realised, they were falling.

She briefly closed her eyes in horror, before she started walking again. She'd actually begun to wonder if she could forgive Deacon for his part in what happened, but now, after seeing the cliff, after imaging what everyone went through, she knew that that was beyond her, for the foreseeable future anyway.

Her children could have died, the father of her grandchildren almost did, and along with all the other problems between their daughters, this was that one step to far.

Love wasn't supposed to be this hard, she was tired, she just wanted some peace, some gentleness, some consideration. She was fine with missing out on the passion and excitement that she'd felt for Ridge, that way had only ever landed her in pain and misery. Now she wanted something more, something deeper, she wanted, no, she needed to feel that she was loved, needed, respected, and she needed that respect to extend to her children, and with Deacon's confession, she knew that could never happen.

She noticed movement over by the rock wall below the cliff, someone else was sitting over there looking out to see, a large sketch pad in their hands and a box of what Taylor assumed were water-coloured artists pencils beside them.

She frowned as recognition of the lone figure finally filtered into her mind.

"Ridge?"

Ridge looked around in a distracted fashion at the faint sound of his name,

"Taylor? What are you doing here?"

Taylor frowned, this was unexpected, she had just wanted to be alone to try to sort through her thoughts, now this! She sighed heavily and walked over to near where Ridge was sitting, he stood, gathered his things and came over to her.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked as he plopped his things down on the now dry sand.

Taylor glanced up at the wall, "I needed to see for myself."

Ridge frowned in confusion. "Doc, it's been nearly three months, why now? Has something happened?"

Taylor was quiet for a moment before she plonked herself down on the ground, her arms placed loosely over her bent knee's. Ridge, knowing he was about to hear something important followed suit.

They sat quietly as Taylor stared out to see, just as Ridge was about to break the heavy silence between them she said, "I broke up with Deacon."

Although this was great news for Ridge he remained quiet, waiting for Taylor to continue. Slowly at first, she started to tell him what had happened, getting quicker and quicker as she went, before finally finishing her story in a heated angry rush.

Ridge's face was flushed with anger. "Damn them to hell!" he rasped.

"First that lowlife leaves my daughter and her kids in peril, and worse, he tells that son of a bitch Spencer, I could kill him for this!"

"And you don't think I couldn't?" asked Taylor angrily. "That's why I'm here, I needed to cool down, I needed to centre myself so I could think clearly again."

Ridge glanced at her, "And? Any stunning revelations?"

Taylor looked out to see, "Believe it or not, yes."

At Ridges disbelieving look she continued.

"Ridge, no one could have predicted this outcome, not even me, and I'm a trained psychologist. Finn was a doctor and he knew how to hide his psychosis from those around him very well, no-one even suspected he was having a major breakdown. Having said that, I do believe Deacon when he said how incredibly sorry, he was, and how he never dreamed that it would come to this. As to Bill, well, now Bill has to learn to live with what his actions wrought, how he very nearly caused the death of his own son, along with Steffy, Thomas and Dee. I know Bill is a sleazy, arrogant piece of shit, but he does love his kids and grandkids, and apparently our daughter. Once they find out about what he did he will have to try to find a way to earn their forgiveness, and that won't be an easy task."

As Ridge went to speak, she held up her hand. "Ridge, I thought of storming over to Bills to confront him, but honestly, what's the point? We've been here before with him, and it makes absolutely no difference to his behaviour. Besides that, he has helped Steffy, Thomas, and the company tremendously. With-out that help things could have gone very differently for the kids, and I'm not going to mess with that. Bill is, who he is, and he's never tried to hide it, so I've decided to accept it and let Steffy and Liam deal with him in their own way, and knowing our daughter, that could be fun to watch."

Ridge snorted in disgust, "so your advice is to just let him get away with it?"

Taylor shrugged, "Yes."

Ridge took a deep breath before leaning back on his arms, "if you want to forgive and forget, then why did you break-up with Sharpe?"

A tear inadvertently escaped from her eyes as she continued to stare out to sea, she dashed it away impatiently, "because although I can forgive what he did, and theoretically I know that he is a different man now when compared to the one he once was, I can't forget, not this. My kids could have died, if you hadn't had been there, if Douglas hadn't had the for-sight to call you . . . things could have turned out very differently. I can't look into the eyes of a man I'm making love to, knowing their actions almost destroyed my kids. No matter how much I care for Deacon, and I do care, I just can't do it . . . not now, maybe never. This was just one step to far for me, there's no way we can go back to who we were."

Ridge was silent for a moment before muttering softly, "like me and Brooke, just too many things over a long time, until finally there's nothing left of you to give, not if you want your soul to survive."

Taylor turned to him, "you're really not going to reconcile? I'm sorry if I find that a little hard to believe."

Ridge shrugged, "it's true, while I was away, I was forced to do some deep soul searching. I didn't like what I found looking back at me."

Taylor tipped her head to the side showing her interest in what he was saying.

"It's hard to explain, Jiemba came about as close as I can articulate. He told me the country, the land, had a hold of me, and I think he was right."

He turned to Taylor who now had her eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Yeah, I know how it sounds, but you had to be there. It started out slowly, at first, I was just bored, but I knew Steffy and the kids needed this, so I bought some art supplies in Darwin and started to do a little sketching. Jiemba, Dee's cousin, would take us to different places, and give us some history lessons and stories about the legends of his people. Truthfully, at first, I saw the land as bland, dry, hot, and full of vicious bugs and snakes, but after a while I started to notice things. Doc, the land is ancient, it has a beauty all of its own, there are colours, textures, animals and plants that I've never seen before. It was like standing in living part of history, I could feel the weight of all the ancient legends Jiemba told us about swirling around me."

He smiled slightly and shrugged, "that's when I started to think, that's what it did for . . . to, me, as I sketched. It made me take a long hard look into my own life, my own soul, and, well, it was horrendously enlightening."

He reached over and took Taylors hand in his before he looked into her eyes.

"I'm sorry Doc, I'm sorry for everything I put you and the kids through. There's absolutely no excuse for what I did. I was a vain, stupid, childish man who thought I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, and that you would just suck it up and continue to wait for me."

He laughed bitterly, "and all because I was the great Ridge Forrester, and I thought I was worth it. I don't want to be that man anymore! I want to be the man I was meant to be before life, and circumstances, turned me into the spoilt manchild I became. Most of all though, I hope that one day you could find it in your heart to forgive me, because believe it or not, I do love you, and I do value you as a woman, and the mother of my kids. I'm hoping that we can at least be friends again, we were always great at that."

Taylor closed her eyes and began to cry softly. 'Thank you, I don't know what magic Australia has managed to work on you, but if you're serious, I'll be for-ever grateful. I needed to hear this, especially today."

Ridge slipped his arm around her and she leaned into him as they watched the waves recede and advance in a now companionable silence.