He woke up with a morning light, his arm wrapped around her body, her back turned to him. The events of yesterday's night catching up yet again. She is Lady Whistledown. The one person who he trusted the most, was indeed the one person who kept the biggest secret. He reached for her hand, as he remembered that this exact hand was the one that wrote all of those horrible things about him and his family. She said she loves him, but was is it even true after everything he was aware of now? He looked at her red hair laying on the pillow near him. He felt desire mixed with hurt. Was the trust even there still? He felt both wanting her to be close and to never see her again. Wasn't it what Anthony said he felt towards Kate in the beginning? Was he still in love with her even after finding out her biggest lie? But was it a lie truly?

As he kept replaying each conversation about Lady Whistledown, he suddenly realised that the signs were there all along. It would be suspicious if she would not. He remembered those words just before their first kiss. If only he would listen to her more carefully, he could've found out years ago. She did tell him yesterday she wanted to reveal her secret to him. Was it right there all along? Was he truly that blind? Did he even know her? Does he know her now? The only thing he was sure was that he needed more time. More time to think about every event that happened in the last days. That new piece of information caught him off guard. Never in his right mind would he think following her in the dead of night could uncover something so deep.

And then his thoughts ran off to the feeling he first felt as he noticed her carriage driving to that part of Town. He was so scared for her, all he wanted to protect her and for her to rely on him fully, to trust him. But it seems she couldn't trust him enough to reveal that big part of her life. Was the trust never even there? Why would she need him when she seemed to not needing a man by her side at all? Why was she then seeking a husband in the first place? Was there something else she was keeping from him?

And then the carriage drive, the pull and desire in him, everything that happened after that… Was his mind simply clouded by shock? Or was it… something else?

As his thoughts were changing each other with the speed of a light, he felt as she shifted slightly. One single deep breath of hers send chills down his back. He imagined her writing all of those issues and felt somewhat proud of her. While he was still trying to find his purpose, not only she already knew hers, she was indeed quite successful in it. A slight envy ran thought him, but he brushed it off. He was truly proud, as much as he simply wished for her to tell him sooner. To be able to trust him and rely on him. Marriage can be a purpose of life, but what is the marriage when you're not even needed? And suddenly he felt just like those girls he spent time with across the world. Was it the same feeling for her, as it was for him back then? That sent a slice of pain right to his heart. That thought luckily didn't had time to flourish fully, as he felt her move slightly, waking up. Her chest calmly rising and falling under his touch still brought him comfort and a feeling of caring love somehow.

As she opened her eyes, the same events erupt at her own mind. She just stared straight ahead, looking at the window that was halfway closed by curtains. She couldn't make herself turn around to him. At least not yet. She tried to calm her breath, as she felt his hand around her, holding her close. His warm touch brought her comfort and a feeling of being loved.

He knew she's awake now. His head still on his pillow, he wondered why is she trying to pretend she's still asleep? He pushed himself slightly closer to her, his hot breath caressing the back of her exposed neck. All he wanted right at that moment is to kiss her. Kiss her like none of yesterday happened. Like it was all just another dream. Feeling both lost and filled with want, need really, he left just one small caring kiss on the back of her neck. They were to be married, after last night there was no going back, neither did he want to, truly. He just needed some more time.

As she felt his kiss, her whole body shivered. That weight was still hanging over her. Now he knew. And was he truly, fully… okay with this?

"Good morning." He whispered as fingers gently touched her hand.

"Good morning." She answered, not even making a move.

A moment later her hand squeezed his lightly, as they laid there in his bed.

"Will you ever turn to me?" he asked jokingly, as his hand slipped and accidently touched her breast. Feeling her, under his touch, under a blanket, with no clothes on, felt even more intoxicating for him. Knowing how good it can feel to be intimate with the person you love. Her late-night moans captured in his mind for ever now. Just as he heard another one of those sounds falling from her lips, he restrained himself, putting his hand away until he still could stop. A few moments after she turned to her other side and looked up at him from her pillow, both of her hands clenching the blanket closer to her.

"I..."

"I think you..."

They started at the same time and light smiles ware barely visible on their faces.

"I wanted to ask, if you are indeed alright?" She asked him first, as she saw him shackle and turn on his back to face the ceiling.

"I will be. I just need some time to think about everything that happened." He said, not even looking at her. Those seconds laying in the bed so close and yet so far away, nearly broke her heart as she gathered confidence to ask.

"Do you regret what happened?"

At first those words hadn't even fully sinked in. Regret that she is Whistledown? Well, that wasn't exactly what he was feeling… Just moments later, that for her felt like hours, he finally understood. One might feel very vulnerable after their first time. Was she asking if he regretted this night they shared?

Suddenly he rises to his side, holding himself up on his elbow "Pen, no." His hand touched her chin gently, bringing it up to look at her more closely. "I do not have any regrets about this night." His fingers slowly ghosted over her collarbone, as the light smile started shining on her face.

"But I cannot help but think about your secret. The whole Mayfair wants to know who is Lady Whistledown, trying to catch you, while you go alone in the middle of the night like nothing matters."

"I know, that's partly the reason I wanted to end it. It's no longer just a joke." She smiled shyly as her hands pressed the blanket event more closer to her chest.

"But isn't it what you enjoy doing the most?" He asked, secretly waiting for a different answer.

"Yes, I guess…" Now it was her time to get lost in her thoughts. Was it actually her work of life? She surely enjoyed writing every issue, but was it the purpose of her life?

"I think we should get you home. We'll talk about it later. As we planned. In the garden." He said quickly moving away from her on the bed, on his way to get up, as he heard her speak.

"Can you help me get dressed?" She asked shyly, looking at his back.

He hadn't given it a thought, really. She needs to look presentable, of course. He looked at her from his back, turning half way on the bed. She was still holding that blanket close to her to cover almost all of her body.

"I can, yes." He said as he got up from the bed and walked to his dresser. He heard her get up also. That's when he looked from his back once again and saw her standing up, holding the blanket close to her.

He walked closer to her. "I thought I said…" He reached out for the blanket. "you don't have to be shy around me." And with those words he took the damn blanket off of her body, leaving her standing right in front of him completely naked. Desire filled his mind, as his hand involuntarily reach out to her hair.

"Pen, you are gorgeous." He said as he kissed her.