III

Petey

Daisy extended a trembling finger and Mario followed it, turning on his heel to face the monster. The Piranha Maw reared up and swayed in the morning light. When its massive head blotted out the sun, the world went dark.

"The monster got him," said Toad. "I saw it with my own eyes, son. Swallowed him whole. Like a goddamn shrimp on a skewer." He sat down on a rock and buried his face in his hands.

"Oh, Luigi," said Daisy and she began to weep.

"Luigi. No," said Mario. He balled his white gloved fist, which began to shake with rage.

Suddenly, the Maw lunged forward like a snake after prey. His bulbous head caught on the rock-wall of the cave entrance. His teeth, like daggers, gnashed covered in green mucus. Daisy backed away from the angry maw towards the far wall. Mario kept his feet planted, his steely gaze unwavering from the beast.

"Woah, watch out!" cried Toad, jumping from his seat. "What the heck even is that thing?

"It's a Piranha Maw," said Daisy.

"Can't be," said Toad, shaking his head. "The last Piranha Maw died 200 years ago in the Air Raids. A Bullet Bill hit him… or so the story goes."

"It was a lie," said Daisy. "Petey was too strong to contain. Nothing satisfied him. The Federation had him transported here. Thought an Outer Rim world would be the best place for him."

Petey pulled his massive face from the cave entrance and roared. Planetoid 1-1 was a desolate and forgotten place. The goombas had gotten smart and moved from his nest to either the mountain peaks or underground so Petey hadn't eaten in ages. His stomach rumbled with hunger and he belched fireballs into the sky that crashed down in volcanic explosions.

"And how do you know all this?" asked Mario. His brow was furrowed and he spoke through gritted teeth.

"My sister."

"The princess?" asked Toad.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Mario shot at her. "You could've prevented this."

"How dare you! I just lost the love of my life and you're going to say it's my fault?"

Tears streamed down Daisy's eyes. Her love for his brother was deep and genuine. A lump caught in Mario's throat and he found that he couldn't hold onto his anger. He turned away, too ashamed to look at her.

"Daisy, I'm sorry. I was out of line."

"Way out of line, you insensitive prick."

A hiss of static came through their earpieces in unison.

"Can any– bzzrrp – me? –Crsshhh– Help, plea – bzzrrp."

"Luigi!" Daisy cried.

"Fry me in butter, the boy's alive!" said Toad, slapping his knee.

At the entrance to the cave, a small bush of fire flowers grew, their orange and yellow petals smiling in the sun. Mario ran his fingertips along the petals that lit up to his touch like twinkling starlight. A warm glow centered itself in the palm of his hand. That was how he knew the energy was focused. He swiped his fingers across the petals as if striking a match and his hand caught fire.

Daisy watched him, perplexed. "What are you doing?"

Mario focused the raw flame into a molten concentrated ball. "I'm going to get him back."

"Hah!" cried Toad. "And how do you plan on doing that smart guy?"

"I'm going to get eaten and then fight my way out." The fire glinted in the blackness of his eyes. Daisy and Toad's mouths dropped open in unison. They turned towards each other, waiting for the punchline to a bad joke. But Mario, holding fire in his hand, said nothing.

"Are you crazy?" exclaimed Toad. "Luigi's as good as dead in there. If that is a Maw, its stomach is like a blast furnace."

"I'm not going to abandon my brother."

"I'm sorry son but you need to face facts. Your brother is dead. And if you don't give this up, you will be too."

"I'm going, Captain. With or without your consent."

Daisy gave a small nod at his courage. "Good luck, Mario."

Petey swayed in front of the cave, eyeing his prey. Mario pulled his arm back as if pitching a baseball and aimed for the snout of the wicked beast.

"Hey, big guy," he called out. "Over here." He threw the fireball as hard as he could and it hit Petey square in the face.

Enraged, Petey lunged for the cave opening. The rock cracked with the impact sending a plume of dust into the cave. Daisy shut her eyes and mouth tight but Toad wasn't so lucky. Dust blasted into his eyes and mouth. He choked and retched, snot dribbling from his nose.

"Goddammit," screamed Toad.

The rock held and Petey was once again stuck at the entrance to the cave, his teeth gnashing wildly. Mario stood in front of his lips and waited until Petey relaxed. Finally, the mighty jaw stopped its champing and came to rest, the gross pink tongue covered in green mucus lolling out lazily. Mario hopped up onto the monster's tongue and walked right into his mouth!

"Fool," said Toad, still spitting out sand.

The mouth closed behind Mario. Flames from the Piranha Maw's gut illuminated his way. Easier than I thought, said Mario to himself. But then, Petey reared up and the entire world went vertical. Mario slipped on the slick mucus, his low friction suit not providing any grip. If he didn't find something to grab onto, he would plummet straight down into that blast furnace of a belly. He turned over onto his belly and grabbed at the taste buds on the back of Petey's tongue. It was enough to stop his descent. While fighting to keep his grip, he turned as much as he could to get his bearings. In the center of the Maw's throat was Luigi! He was holding onto Petey's uvula like a giant pink rope.

"Luigi!"

"Mario! You came for me."

"Of course I did. Hold on, Luigi. I'm going to try to make my way over to you."

Mario slid down the tongue until finding a foothold on the cartilaginous ridge at the entrance of the throat. He planted his feet and took a deep breath and made a jump for the swinging uvula. Time turned to syrup as Mario reached out a hand. He closed his grip on the pink rope but found nothing but air!

"Mario!" Luigi threw out a hand and caught his brother before he tumbled into the furnace. He pulled him up onto the bulbous part of the uvula where the footing was safe.

Back in the cave, Toad and Daisy watched as the mighty Maw hovered in the air. Its lips seemed to be chewing. Its food hadn't gone down quite right.

"This is worse than a night on the toilet after eating bad Cheep-Cheeps," said Toad.

"You're a real piece of work, Captain. I hope for your sake, we get out of this mess."

"We damn well better. But even when we do, where am I going to find an engineer and a navigator who are willing to get paid in mushrooms. Those two damn addicts are the best thing that ever happened to my bank account."

"That's what you're worried about? Luigi and I put off our wedding to come on this fool's errand with you. An errand, I might add, that you still haven't told us a thing about."

Meanwhile, Mario and Luigi were holding on for dear life in the throat of the beast.

"Now what?" asked Luigi.

"I've got an idea," said Mario, holding up his open palm. He had just enough energy for one last angry shot. He centered the glow and then ignited it in the palm of his hand. He threw the fireball into the back of Petey's throat. Petey felt it as a scratch and he collapsed back to the entrance of the cave. He coughed violently, expelling the two brothers. Toad cheered at the sight of them. Daisy collapsed from shock. Mario marched out with pride as Luigi followed. Luigi thought he had the mouth cleared but then it chomped down on him!

"Luigi!" Daisy screamed.

The dagger-like teeth took the right arm right off right at the socket! The teeth crunched causing blood and muscle to explode from the severed limb. Petey licked the bloody chunks that stuck to his lips and retreated. Blood sprayed from the torn socket like a fountain. Luigi howled, his deafening screams echoing off the cave walls.

"Can I get some medi-gel?" Mario commanded.

Toad shrugged. "Sure, why the hell not."