Me: And here's Chapter 17!

Rendan: What's with the title?

Me: What about it?

Zero: Is the Guardian...?

Me: What?

AJ: They're probably wondering what the hell he's going to do.

Me: Oh.

AJ: But, seeing as we should save some of our more wacky antics for when we really, REALLY need a break from Silent Hill's insanity, how about we get this one started?

Me: Good point. I'll handle the disclaimer then. I don't own Hey Arnold or Silent Hill. They are the properties of Craig Bartlett and Konami respectively. The only things I own are the OCs, the plot, the monsters I've created and the puzzles I come up with.

Zero: Is it just me, or is that getting lengthier by the chapter?

Rendan: It'll have to, seeing as most of this stuff comes from his own head.

Me: All right, knock it off everyone. Thank you for your patience. Read and enjoy.

Chapter 17: The Guardian

The four moved briskly through the nearest narrow corridor. Only the eerie, hellish red glow gave them any light. Coupled with the shadows of large fans on the wall opposite of the light, the large blades slowly rotating with a large swoosh as the blades moved, they were getting sufficiently freaked out. Correction, the three P.S. 118 students were getting freaked out. As always, the one leading them hadn't so much as shuddered since they left Lila's father in the room as they searched for the keys that could free him.

"Is anyone else going to bring that up, or do I have to do it?" Arnold questioned, though he never slowed the pace of his walking.

"Bring what up?" AJ questioned, still on point.

"You knew there was a poem that would give us clues on how to free Lila's father," Arnold continued.

"I've been here nineteen years, Arnold," AJ replied, though there was still clear disbelief in his tone at the mention of nineteen years. He still couldn't believe it himself. "I've come across a bunch of those things before."

"If you've done all of this stuff before, how come you're not gone?" Arnold asked. "I mean, if I were in your shoes, I'd want to get the heck out of here as quickly as I could. Do you like it here or something?"

"No, Arnold, I don't like it here," AJ answered, though the anger in his tone was rather poorly masked. "I haven't gotten out because I haven't yet fought my final boss."

"Your final what?" Helga sputtered out. "Great! He's on crazy pills! He thinks he's in a stinking video game!" Arnold, like Helga, was clearly disbelieving of his response.

"What do you mean?" Lila questioned.

"It's too hard to explain," AJ began. "I doubt I could explain it if I tried."

"Do you know someone who could?" Arnold skeptically questioned before beginning a mental countdown. 'Five, four, three, two, one...'

"The Guardian."

'Thought so,' Arnold thought in despair. "Then that's a lost cause."

"Why do you say that?" Arnold was about to reply before Helga beat him to the punch.

"Army Brat," Helga said, "the Guardian is crazy! He sold out someone next to him without a care in the world. Do you honestly think anyone could get close enough to him to even say one word before he sicks that pyramid monster thing on us?"

"Pyramid Head answers to no one, least of all the Guardian," AJ cryptically replied.

"How would you know that?" Arnold questioned.

"Pyramid Head was born while I was trapped here. He chased a man named James Sunderland."

'That's right,' Arnold thought, remembering the note regarding James Sunderland. "He was born here?"

"It's the only way I can even remotely begin to explain it," AJ commented.

"By which you mean, you have no clue," Helga added.

"That's right." Arnold and Helga's jaws dropped. Finally, there was something he didn't know! Although, their minds began to wonder whether or not this particular bit of information was better off not being known.

"Still, though," Arnold continued, "I really don't think the Guardian would have a problem dealing with Pyramid Head." He shook his head slightly before mentally adding, 'After all, nothing truly is immortal...' Suddenly the footfalls of the boy leading them stopped. Without warning, he turned to them and, through the light illuminating from Helga's flashlight, they were able to see his horrified expression.

"Arnold," he began in aught but a whisper, "do you have any idea who Pyramid Head is?" Arnold nodded. "I don't think you do. Pyramid Head is immortal, meaning he can't be killed, meaning that no one can stop him."

"Isn't the Guardian supposed to be the strongest monster in Silent Hill though?"

"Key words: supposed to be," AJ said. "Arnold, I'm going to be very, very blunt with you. If the Guardian and Pyramid Head ever fought to the death, the Guardian would be slaughtered." Arnold and Helga both gaped. Lila, though shocked, remembered that AJ had told her Pyramid Head couldn't be killed... except maybe by his own hand. "The Guardian is very strong, no one can deny that, but if you put someone who can die against someone who can't the result is obvious. The one who can die will die, while the one who can't will walk away the victor.

"You seem sure of that," Helga commented.

"Can any of you tell me how to kill someone who can't die?" AJ questioned. At their silence, he continued. "That's what I thought." He turned and began to walk forward again with Lila following close behind. Arnold and Helga shook away their shock and continued forward as well, bringing up the rear. The hallway continued on for what seemed to be an eternity, their footfalls echoing in the eerie hell that was the Otherworld. Finally, they came to a stop in front of a large door with what appeared to be a wheel on the front of it. "Dammit all."

"What is it this time?" Helga asked. AJ grabbed one side of the wheel and began to try and turn it, but to no avail.

"Gimmie a hand here," AJ said. "These things are really hard to open." Arnold narrowed his eyes some but, reluctantly, went to the boy's aid. It still made no sense to him.

'How is it that he survives a throw by that pyramid monster... Pyramid Head, but he's unable to do this by himself?' Arnold thought. When he helped to try and turn the wheel, he could almost understand. That thing must have been rusted or something to that effect because it would not give an inch. Helga joined in and began to pull as well, though the wheel simply refused to turn. Undaunted, the three continued to try as Lila watched on, not believing that the three of them together were unable to open the door.

"Wait! Wait!" AJ shouted, making the three of them stop as they stared at him in confusion. AJ turned his attention to the one who hadn't so much as budged since the beginning, Lila. "Lila, you try and open it."

"Are you crazy, Army Brat?" Helga questioned before adding, "Oh wait, you are."

"If the three of us together can't open it," Arnold began, "what makes you think Lila can do it by herself?"

"Do you doubt her, Arnold?" AJ asked.

"It's not that," Arnold quickly stated, "but the three of us together are definitely stronger than she is alone."

"Valid point," AJ agreed. "But I have a small theory, and I want to see if I'm right."

"And if Lila opens it by herself your theory is correct?" Arnold queried.

"Yep!" AJ answered with a two gigawatt grin. "Give it a shot, Lila. We have nothing to lose at this point." With a demure nod, Lila made her way to the wheel and placed her hands on it. With a small nod from Arnold, Helga and AJ, she tried to turn it. It turned without issue. The wheel spun easily for the girl and soon a click sounded, signifying that the door had be opened. It opened, moving away from the four and ushering in another area that appeared to belong to the school. AJ was grinning while Arnold and Helga had their mouths agape.

"H-HOW?!" Arnold and Helga questioned simultaneously. AJ smirked and offered Lila first entrance into the next room. She responded by walking around him and weakly pushing him into the room first. Arnold and Helga followed shortly after, mouths still open. Lila, just as confused by what happened as Arnold and Helga were, though arguably she did a better job concealing it, was about to question why, when the fourth member of the group spoke up.

"Okay, now that we're out of there, we have to find that key," AJ commented.

"Woah woah woah! Hold up!" Helga shouted as she finally came out of her stupor.

"Hm?" AJ asked in only a sound.

"How did you know only Lila could open that door?" Arnold questioned.

"I didn't," AJ answered. "Like I said, it was only a theory, a guess. She just proved me right."

"And what exactly did she prove right?" Arnold continued his questioning. AJ opened his mouth to answer, even taking in a small amount of oxygen before clamping his mouth shut. His expression betrayed confusion, his eyes darting from left to right as his right hand found its way to his chin. He was contemplating something, but what? Just as he was about to speak again, a loud creak followed by cracking assaulted their ears. The floor beneath Arnold gave way and he fell through the floor, into the inky black abyss. Helga was about to jump in after him but was restrained by Lila and AJ.

"Don't do it! There should be a way to find him. He's still most likely in the school, so let's just look for a way downstairs," AJ said. Helga growled lowly but nodded. The trio eyed the hole in the floor and made their way out, AJ once more taking point, as they tried to find a way downstairs.

Arnold woke up in a room vaguely similar to the one he just fell through. The walls were the color of dried blood and, compared to the other rooms, it was bare. Only two doors on opposite sides of the room were the only things in the room. Or so he thought.

"So, you're Arnold," a voice, familiar though strange, said. Arnold jerked his head around violently, finally settling on a darkened corner of the room. From the corner, a dark figure stepped from the shadows. The figure was completely black, as if it was completely covered in shadow. It only had the vague outline of a child around his age. The figure, however, was familiar.

"Who are you?" Arnold asked, gripping his bat in two hands and getting ready to strike. The figure simply waved a hand, raising barbed wire from the ground and wrapping them around Arnold's body before raising him into the air.

"You seriously don't know?" The figure asked. "Surprising, considering you throw my name around quite easily, even believing someone else to be me. You've even heard me before."

"G-Guardian?" Arnold asked, fear clearly in his tone. He couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw a smile grace the near featureless figure.

"Correct." The Guardian watched him for a moment. "Do I have your word that you won't try anything stupid?" Arnold nodded mutely. "Good." The Guardian lowered his hand, palm facing the floor, as the wires released Arnold and set him down on the floor again. Arnold looked behind the Guardian, the once illuminated area now darkened by the shadows that seemed to emanate from the figure before him.

"W-What do you want?" Arnold questioned.

"To warn you, Arnold," the Guardian growled out. "You're stepping into turf you really don't want to be stepping into." Arnold glared at the figure. "Tell me something, Arnold. Where do you see the logic, or intelligence, in angering the only people in this place capable of killing you with no problem?"

"The Order are monsters!" Arnold shouted, justifying his actions.

"They're not who I was referring to," the Guardian stated. "I'm referring to, not only myself, but the fourth member of your little group."

"How am I angering you?" Arnold practically screamed.

"For one, you've actively sought a manner that would result in my demise." Arnold's eyes widened. "That's right, I know about the Aglaophotis. I know your friend Helga is carrying it." Arnold began to shudder. "I don't know about you, Arnold, but I rather enjoy living. As for two, you repeatedly call into question the loyalty of the one that joined you."

"There's something about him..." Arnold began, slightly hanging his head. "I can't describe it but there's something wrong about him."

"And you're right," the Guardian agreed, making Arnold gasp in shock. "There is something wrong with him. He's holding secrets that you can't comprehend. But, you should be able to work together because you both have a common goal."

"Which is?"

"To escape. He's been here for so long, yet the corruption of Silent Hill hasn't affected him as it could have. In fact, you are more corrupted by Silent Hill than he is." Arnold gulped. "Now, where is that mind of yours? Are you going to argue and justify that you're not corrupt? How can you be sure I'm not lying to you to make you question your friends and yourself?"

"I don't need to," Arnold stated, glaring hatefully at the figure. "I know you're lying." The figure seemed to smile again.

"Perhaps, but perhaps not. I'm not here to truly aid you in your quest, just to fuck with your mind to the point you don't know if what you wear on your feet are shoes or tiny monsters that seek to devour you starting with your feet." Arnold gulped. "Tell you what, you can call on me at any time to answer a question, but one thing will remain certain. Chances are, you will not like the answer to the question. I may not even answer straightforwardly either. I may just answer in a riddle, a rhyme, a poem or a limerick, just to confound you further. Of course, should you figure out the meaning behind them, the result should be the same. You may not like what you've just learned."

"Then what's the point?" Arnold asked, the fear in his tone fading slightly.

"The point is for you to watch yourself. Think about the questions you want to ask, and if the is answer really worth doubting and destroying your perception of the world and those in it."

"And this place isn't already doing that?" Arnold questioned.

"While that is true, I possess the ability to destroy, not only you, but your friends as well, using only my words." Arnold's eyes widened. "Well, regardless, I grow tired of this interaction. Do you have a question, or should I send you on your way?" Arnold pondered for a moment.

"M-My cousin..." Arnold stammered out, his eyes looking toward the ground.

"What about him?" The Guardian asked.

"D-Did he really die?" The Guardian hummed a moment.

"Yes," he began, causing Arnold to drop his head, "and no." Arnold looked at the Guardian, confused. "In the confines of Silent Hill, he is dead. But, outside of Silent Hill, Arnie is still very much alive. Since Silent Hill created a version of Arnie and didn't grab the real one, only the copy is dead."

"A copy?" Arnold shouted. He was about to ask how that was possible, but decided against it. 'I don't think I want to know right now.'

"Smart move, Arnold." Arnold raised an eyebrow at the Guardian, who seemed to be grinning darkly at him. "It's best to save questions like that for when you're more secure with your state in this place." Arnold blanched. "I know all about this place, Arnold. You can't hide anything from me."

"I'll keep that in mind," Arnold said. "I guess I'll be on my way." He turned and began to walk away, only to feel a hand on his shoulder, stopping him from continuing.

"One more thing, Arnold." Arnold looked over his shoulder, noticing that the Guardian had closed the distance between them in under a second. "If you ever, ever threaten or try to attack me again, I'll use my barbed wire to rip your guts out."

"What?" Arnold questioned in fear.

"Through your mouth," the Guardian continued, his tone oddly happy and carefree. Arnold shuddered. "And your ass."

"Wh- Wha-?" The fear in Arnold's tone returned with a vengeance.

"At the same time," the Guardian concluded, the carefree and happy tone still present.

"Why?" Arnold questioned in abject fear and disgust.

"Because I can. Do we have an understanding?" Arnold nodded, finding it impossible to speak. "Good boy. Now, go. Your friends are waiting for you." Arnold turned to face the door just as loud banging came from the other side.

"Football Head! Are you in there?" Helga's voice shouted.

"He should be in there," AJ's voice calmly stated.

"Arnold, if you can hear us, let us know you're okay!" Lila called. Arnold turned around to face the Guardian again, only now he'd vanished into thin air. Taking a deep breath, he walked forward, hoping that the Guardian wasn't planning to kill them all. With a quick motion, he turned the doorknob and opened the door inward, the sudden action causing both Helga and Lila to rush and trip over him, the three of them hitting the floor with a resounding thud.

"Told you he was in here," AJ commented as he helped Lila to her feet. Arnold and Helga, after a short awkward moment on the floor, rushed to their feet.

"Have you been with them the whole time?" Arnold asked, the question clearly directed at the second male of the group.

"No, Arnold, I decided to run around Silent Hill in a tutu while singing 'Danny Boy'," AJ sarcastically commented.

"He was with us the whole time, Arnold," Lila said with a darker edge to her voice. Arnold nodded his head.

"I believe you. We have to find that key, unless the boy wonder here managed to find it already."

"Not yet," AJ admitted. "The girls were adamant about finding you first." Arnold smiled slightly, giving off a small nod as the group moved on, the 'boy wonder' as Arnold put it leading the way once more. Sensing something amiss, he turned his head to look behind him to see the Guardian watching them leave, waving a hand in a strange farewell as they walked into the darkness.

Me: And that's the chapter.

Zero: So... Arnold met the Guardian.

AJ: Seems that way.

Rendan: What do you mean seems?

AJ: Well, it's Silent Hill. Who knows what this place is actually capable of?

Me: Good point. Regardless, there is something I have to do.

Zero: Which is?

Me: One of the exchanges used in this chapter, specifically the 'at the same time' exchange, is a modified version of a joke in Xanauzumaki's Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask Abridged Series.

AJ: So, you're giving him some publicity?

Me: It only seems fair. I use a modified variation of one of his jokes, albeit played more for horror than comedy, I give him some publicity. Though, I must warn the readers, his style of comedy may not be considered funny by everyone. Seeing as how everyone has their own tastes, that's common sense. Personally, I think his work is funny as hell, but that's me.

Rendan: You know what they say, insane people love insane comedy.

Me: Something like that, I think. Anyway, that'll do it for this week.

Rendan and Zero: Be good and be safe everyone!

AJ and Me: We're outta here!