Me: And here's Chapter 18!

Zero: Took you long enough.

Me: Writer's block, college kicking up again, do I REALLY need to go into the fucking details?

Rendan: I'd say not. I'm just happy you're still writing.

AJ: It's been a while though. I hope your muse has recovered.

Me: As do I, my friend. As do I.

Zero: Okay, so, how about we shut up and get this one started?

Rendan: Sounds good to me.

AJ: Disclaimer is mine this time. Azard does not own Hey Arnold or Silent Hill. They are the properties of Craig Bartlett and Konami, respectively. He does, however, own the OCs, the monsters he's created, the plot, his made up puzzles, and of course that fucked up mind that brings this mindfuck to you!

Caley: I thought it was Pyria's and my job to break the 4th wall.

AJ: I won't do it as often. On that note, there are SPOILERS in this chapter. Read at your own discretion! I think I've covered everything.

Me: You did. Read and enjoy.

Chapter 18: A Small Break

After a fairly long detour through the darkness, most of which was spent in complete silence, the four managed to make their way back to the first floor of the school. Arnold was surprised, seeing as he hadn't thought he fell very far, yet had to walk up what felt like fifty flights of stairs to get back up. At one point, he thought of questioning why, but a strange sensation in the back of his head told him it was probably better off left to rot. Upon reaching he first floor of the school again, Arnold, Helga, and Lila attempted to catch their breaths, having been sufficiently winded from the long hike up. Lila and Helga recovered quickly. Arnold, however, was having great difficulty catching his breath.

"Here's a question. When we went down we couldn't have gone down more than two flights of stairs," Helga began, "but when we came back up, we had to walk up about fifty. How is that possible!?"

"Silent Hill is the eternal paradox. It makes sense while making no sense at all. Sad to say I think you'll be used to it before too long," AJ said. "Depending on how long you're here, you might just find that easier to accept and understand before too long."

"We can't afford to be here for nineteen years," Arnold stated as he continued to struggle to catch his breath.

"You might not even be here that long. Time might actually move slower while you're here."

"Have you seen that happen before?" Lila asked. AJ shrugged.

"I wouldn't call it impossible, that's for sure." Arnold, surprising the other two, nodded his head in agreement. After suffering, if you would call it that, what felt like a three foot drop, but having fallen over fifty stories instead, he was certain that there was nothing Silent Hill couldn't do. In fact, he'd begun to question if he really fell all that far. Did he really fall fifty stories? It certainly felt that way when climbing all those stairs.

"Where would the key be?" Arnold asked as he finally rose to his feet, though he continued to pant heavily for a moment or two.

"Remember the class with the giant hole in the chalkboard?" AJ questioned. The other three nodded. "That'd be our best bet. If there's a large, disturbing hole in the wall, chances are something in it will be of use... or it'll kill you."

"Do we want to know?" Helga queried.

"I've stuck my hand into enough holes to figure that out," AJ replied. There was a momentary pause before he added, "Okay, that came out wrong." The three students stared at him with no small amount of confusion.

"How did that come out wrong?" Lila asked.

"Yeah," Helga added. "It just sounded like you've had to reach into those weird places to find things you needed. How did that come out wrong?" AJ blinked and blushed.

"Uh... I blame the Order. When you're stuck around vulgar people, whether you want to be or not, you learn things..." AJ paused. "Please just leave it at that... I really, really don't want to get into detail there. If you must know how, I overheard a lot of them making vulgar comments when they were nearby and I had to evade them. Again, please, please, leave it at that." Helga tilted her head slightly and shared a confused glance with Arnold, who returned the gaze with a minor blush on his face. Arnold clearly had some idea, but whether it was right or not, who knew?

Lila, on the other hand, kept her gaze on AJ, particularly the blush that was on his face. Her mind traveled to a time when she had mentioned something to Arnold about spending time with both her and his best friend's sister, Timberly. She mentioned the word threesome which made Arnold blush a healthy shade of red. Curious, she later asked her father about it and he spat out the beverage he was drinking before he explained it to her as gently as he could. Needless to say the concept in Lila's mind, one of her having two "Boyfriends" and doing "boyfriend-girlfriend stuff" with both at the exact same time, had her blushing so hard her face matched her hair. Noticing the blush on AJ's face, one that was scarily similar to Arnold's, her mind eventually figured out it was something pretty close to the line of conversation she and her father had and, thinking about what he could've meant, found herself blushing furiously even though she didn't fully understand. Whatever it was, it was enough to provoke a reaction.

"M-maybe we should just continue on?" Lila suggested, though she cursed herself for stammering. Again, she wasn't sure why she stammered, but chose to associate it with her embarrassed blush. AJ, finally managing to school himself, nodded his assent.

"She's right. We're never going to find those keys if we stand around here," AJ stated. Arnold shook his head in an attempt to remove the blush on his face. Fortunately for him, it worked.

"I want to lead this time," Arnold stated as he stepped forward. He stared at AJ, hoping to get some kind of reaction from him, but his face, as always, remained impassive. 'It's crazy not knowing what he's thinking.' Arnold continued to stare, attempting to give the second male the most confident look he could muster.

"What brought this on?" AJ asked. Arnold sighed.

"Chances are you won't be around all the time. I need to be able to take charge if we're ever separated and lead them confidently where they need to go." AJ grinned.

"Very well, but you realize you'll be in the most danger, don't you?"

"I do." Arnold nodded. "Besides, if I get ambushed and killed, at least there will be someone not afraid to kill behind me, protecting the others. After all, if you died, we'd surely be doomed." Lila, of course, hadn't missed the emphasis Arnold put on certain words, nor the anger he put behind them. She began to glare, her blush forgotten, when Arnold turned to face her and Helga. "We're going outside to keep watch. There's something I need to talk to AJ about."

"Fine," AJ responded. "Lila, stay in here with Helga. There are two exits and we're guarding one. Monsters should only be able to come out of the exit we walked through. Helga, keep watch."

"I'll do it if I feel like it, Army Brat," Helga griped. She was going to do it regardless, but she didn't like being told what to do, especially when what she needed to do was obvious. AJ smirked at her as Arnold walked out of the room and he followed suit.

"So, what's on your mind?" AJ asked. He took a spot on the side of the door and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms across his chest as he settled into his more relaxed stance.

"I want to get some things straight," Arnold replied. Arnold continued to watch the boy in front of him, looking for any signs of weakness or any kind of emotion that may be revealed through what he was doing. Sadly, Arnold couldn't find one aside from contentment.

"Okay, shoot."

"I don't like you," Arnold began, "and I haven't for a while."

"Alert the presses," AJ quipped with a sarcasm laced tone.

"Be quiet!" Arnold demanded. In truth, he'd hoped to get a reaction from his fellow male with the demand. Not surprisingly, there wasn't one. "Everything about you puts me on edge. I have no idea which side you're fighting for if you even have a side. In fact, the only reason you're still here is because Lila wants you around. If it were up to me and Helga, you'd be gone right now. You'd be off somewhere, traveling on your own, because you sure as hell wouldn't be traveling with us! You act like some kind of Silent Hill god, always knowing the right course of action to take and where to go. You've done a good job of covering yourself up, but I'm not fooled. I may have been wrong about you being the Guardian, but then again I might not have. I don't know what to believe in this place, but what I do know is I don't trust you. You're somehow able to take everything in stride, from dead bodies surrounding you, to fighting monsters that seem to come from the pits of Hell itself, to killing people in what could be considered a massacre! You seem to show no other emotion but anger, and it makes you appear to be less of a person and more of a monster yourself!" Arnold took several deep breaths to catch his own after that tirade. Again, AJ didn't show any emotion other than the contentment of being relaxed against the wall. Everything else was impassive, and it drove Arnold crazy. AJ chuckled, knowing full well that Arnold had only based his tirade on what was immediately noticeable.

"Oh, if only you knew how deep this rabbit hole goes, Arnold," AJ said.

"See!? There you go again! Why do you know everything!? Even if you were here for two weeks, or nineteen years, whatever! You can't know everything!"

"And I don't," AJ admitted. "You've already seen that I don't know everything. I don't know why Pyramid Head is here. I don't know why he's after you. I don't know what monsters you'll face, and I sure as hell don't know why any of you are here in the first place. The only person I have even a remote idea about is Lila. You and Helga I have no idea about, but I'm starting to see it the more I observe."

"And what have you observed?" Arnold scoffed. AJ gave Arnold an unsettling grin.

"Well, for starters, I know you have a leadership complex the size of Silent Hill itself. Compared to your size, that's pretty fucking big. Think of it this way, you've practically led every single movement against me, barring the one where Helga suggested I not come along. You've been the first to accuse me of everything, from being heartless and cold, to being the fucking Guardian of all people, to having no emotion to show besides anger. Did you ever consider that I don't show any emotion other than anger to keep anyone with darker agendas from using their knowledge of my emotions against me? You even tried to move your small group away from me in Heaven's Night. You know what I think? I think that the only reason you're keeping Helga around is because she holds onto the very beliefs you do. Aside from that, you claim you're keeping me around because Lila wants me around. I suspect that's a half-truth. You're keeping me around for her but you were hoping, at least for a time, that something bad would happen and I'd be killed, leaving you to lead your group as you had done in the very beginning. Now, you're demanding to lead because it's supposed to be some sort of 'rite of passage' or something similar, proving you're more of a man than I am. Arnold, I'm nine fucking years old. I'm as far from a man as you are. The real difference between you and me is I've chosen to accept my darkness and make it work for me, while you continuously deny yours and seek to bury it. Here's a tip, that's what happened to Eddie and it eventually drove him crazy and killed him."

While Arnold remained silent, his mind was anything but. However, instead of screaming at him to punch the boy in front of him, his mind was thrown into a further state of turmoil.

"In addition," AJ continued, "I know you have a problem with me. Hell, at this point, anyone who watched us would know that. I think you hate me because at this point, I'm what you are not. I'm willing to do what you're not. I will kill someone before I allow them to kill me. I'm willing to kill monsters before they do the same. Finally, I'm able to lead your small group through this nightmare and protect them while doing it, while you are not. You can hate me all you like, Arnold, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm a major reason why you're alive to do so. Even more damning, instead of complaining about me being this heartless, cold, blah blah blah person, you should be training your ass off so you can protect your friends in the event that I cannot. Now, what's your excuse?"

"I... I don't know," Arnold said. He dropped his head, having lost the majority of his will to fight.

"Welcome to my world," AJ stated. Arnold looked up at him in confusion. AJ was no longer looking at him. Instead, his gaze was turned to the ceiling, and even though his face appeared neutral, his eyes betrayed sorrow. "I've been here so long I can't remember what it's like on the outside world, no matter how much I want to. After the third day, I started to forget that there were good people in the world. By day five, I believed the only people that existed were those that worked for the Order. I've been killing them since day one, but after dealing with them, for some reason I just... began to forget. Three days ago, James Sunderland, Eddie Dombrowski and Laura came into Silent Hill... and I saw innocence for the first time since I forgot it existed."

Arnold was dumbfounded. AJ was showing emotion!

"She couldn't see any of the evil this town held," he continued. "To her, it was a normal resort, the way it was meant to be, only it was abandoned. Sure, she made James' life Hell for a time, but she didn't trust him at first, and for good reason. She wasn't bad... She was just a kid. Couldn't have been much older than us but... she had so much hope that her darkness was nearly nonexistent." AJ shook his head. "But such things are fleeting. She left, without issue, and she hasn't been back since." He looked from the ceiling to Arnold. "I lost my innocence on day one, Arnold, and I've been here so long I've done enough to have lost it a thousand times over. Be thankful you have a good chance of escaping this Hell."

'He could be faking this,' Arnold thought. 'He's faking emotion to get me to lower my guard. That must be it.' He paused for a moment when his brain just noticed the last thing AJ had said. "Wait, what do you mean I have a good chance of escaping this Hell?"

"You all do," AJ said. "You, Helga and Lila. You all have a good chance of escaping."

"And you don't?" Arnold questioned. AJ shook his head.

"As I said, I've been here so long I'd basically forgotten what the outside world was like. The chances are good that I lost my chance to escape long ago. It... It's very possible."

"How do you expect me to trust you?"

"How about I tell you something that puts us on more even ground?"

"And what would that be?"

"My motivation, the thing that keeps me going despite everything else. Whether you believe it or not, that's for you to decide." Arnold pondered for a moment. Surely his, Helga and Lila's reasons were the same, but he had a feeling AJ's was similar, if not the same.

"Okay, go ahead."

"Arnold, I'm going to be honest with you, and again it's your choice to believe me or not, but I've lost so much being here. I lost my innocence, something I'll never be able to get back. I lost my childhood, in a sense. And I might've forever lost my chance to escape. But, there's one thing that keeps me going and that is what little hope I have left."

"What hope is that?" Arnold's rough tone faded slightly.

"The hope that, if I ever do escape, I'll return home to whenever or wherever it is I'm supposed to be and return to my family. I want to return to waking up in the morning to find my mom's made breakfast and have my dad ruffle my hair like he always did. I want to go back home and see my friends again... but I've forgotten if I even had any. I want to go back to school, I want to see what life is like on the outside again... but, I know, should I fail, I'll be forever damned here. Honestly, Arnold, if I lose that little hope left, I have no doubt I'll fall into the darkness headfirst, only this time I won't be able to escape it. I'll have nothing left. No motivation to continue, no drive to push on and... no reason to live."

"But, you're supposed to be helping us," Arnold said, fairly surprised he found himself saying that.

"Maybe, but when you all escape and I'm left here, what's next? I'd just have to continue on while you three go back to your lives and, in time, I'll be forgotten. I'll be forgotten like so many others that will come and go. I'll be truly dead, both inside and out." AJ's voice started to crack from sorrow. Even he could not keep this emotion bottled up. "I've been forced to mature at a scary rate, Arnold, as are you. I had to learn the very first day that if I didn't kill someone they would kill me. I had to learn that, if I wanted to survive, I'd have to sacrifice who I was and become something I never thought I would be in a million years. I had to kill my old self, and start over as someone else."

Arnold blinked owlishly. He never expected something like that. In truth, he knew he was more mature than the majority of his classmates, but he never considered the possibility that he became that way out of necessity more than desire. He always figured it was how he was meant to be, and so he went with it, being the smarter, more rational person in his school.

"You're being forced to mature even faster than you are, Arnold," AJ continued. "There's no guesswork there, there's no know-it-all nonsense. That's the obvious smacking everyone across the face. In this place, we have to become adults, because if we don't we have no chance of escape. We have to realize that we have things we need to do, even if we don't want to do them. That's what you three have to do now. I'm sincerely sorry I ranted at you the way I did, but what I said is the truth. I learned the necessity and sadly you have to as well. The day may come where I will die, and it'll be up to you to protect your friends, but if you're not ready to take the steps needed to ensure their safety, that'll be it. There will be no hope. I'm not trying to piss you off, Arnold. I am trying my damnedest to make sure you're ready for the inevitable, even if that means I have to become your rival, or someone you despise."

'If he's telling the truth, this changes a heck of a lot,' Arnold thought as he stared at the floor. 'But, there's also a good chance he's lying. Too much here doesn't make sense, but can that really be what he's preparing us for? He's right when he said he's the reason we're still alive, because if he hadn't shown up when he did, the Order would've killed us, or worse. And it's true, he saved me from Pyramid Head. Is that what he's been doing all along?'

"If you still hate me, Arnold, I'm okay with that. Honestly, if we all manage to escape somehow, and we all end up with you and that much time did really pass, if you want me to leave I will leave, no questions asked. I'll forge my own way, as I've done before. But right now, you guys need help. You need all the help you can get, and I'm trying to give you the help that was never given to me. Even Alessa didn't help me very much, as hard as she tried."

"Alessa? Alessa Gillespie?" AJ nodded.

"Yeah, she remained in Silent Hill for a time before she died. The strangest thing was, every time I'd see her, she looked older than before and I never understood why. I thought my head was playing tricks on me, but maybe it wasn't. She was my only friend until Harry showed up... She gave her life so he could escape with his daughter, but that's not the point. The point is, I'm trying to help you understand what needs to be done, what you need to do, what all of you need to do. Lila needs the most help, I can tell you this now."

"Lila? But, she's almost never sad about anything!"

"That doesn't mean she's without her darkness," AJ continued. "I don't know her story, but I'd like to. At least then I'd know how I can at least attempt to help her. In this place, you can almost feel someone's darkness. That may be another reason you fear me, why I put you on edge. I've accepted mine, and I've had to use it to stay alive. My darkness has almost consumed me completely, but my hope keeps me tethered to the outside world. Lila... I feel almost nothing but sorrow for her. She's lost so much, as you have, Arnold, but you have a hope in you that she doesn't. How she smiles the way she does I'll never know."

"Feel someone's darkness?" Arnold questioned skeptically.

"Have you had any feelings of unease, feelings that you can't explain but you know, you just know, something isn't right?" Arnold went wide eyed. Not trusting his voice at the moment, he nodded. "You're starting to sense it, I think."

"There is... another thing," Arnold admitted. "I ignored it at first, but I think it has to do with this... place we're in. The last time the world ripped away... I had a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach for a minute up to when the siren sounded. After it passed, the feeling left too." This time it was AJ's turn to look shocked.

"You can sense that?" He asked in a whisper.

"I don't know. It was a one time thing," Arnold replied.

"It may happen more."

"You think this makes us even?"

"I've basically given you a tactical nuke to use against me as you see fit. You, Arnold, now know more about me than anyone I've previously met here. Use that how you think it should be used." AJ stood up and began to walk back into the room.

"Hold on a second!" Arnold called. AJ stopped just as his hand began to turn the doorknob and turned to face Arnold again. Arnold let out a quick exhale. "As much as I hate to admit it, we do need your help for now. So, here's my offer, take that negative energy you have and use it to help us instead of instigating us. You seem to know what you're doing, so train us. Train us to be able to stand on our own."

"Don't expect me to go easy on any of you. I'll give you the basics, but I expect you to train even if I'm not around."

"You wouldn't be doing your job if you went easy on us, would you?" AJ laughed.

"Touché, Arnold. Touché." The two walked back into the room, knowing there was a lot of work that needed to be done.

Me: And that's the chapter!

AJ: Interesting.

Rendan: So you're giving info to Arnold for what reason?

AJ: Stupidity, show of good faith, boredom, any other reason conceivable, take your pick.

Zero: You might've made a big mistake there.

AJ: Maybe, but it'll be me that'll have to live with it, not you.

Me: Well said. So, unless anyone has anything witty to say here...

AJ: Nope.

Rendan: Nada.

Zero: Niete.

Caley: Zilch.

Pyria: Zippo.

Me: I get the fucking picture! Well, that'll do it for this time. Oh, wait, small note here. Arnold and AJ won't immediately become friends because of this. Arnold will still be distrusting for obvious reasons as he mulls over what's true and what's not. He's only going to be more tolerant of AJ's presence for the time being. There's a good chance something can and will set one of the two off. Guess who? Okay, NOW I'm done.

Zero: Be good.

Rendan: Be safe.

Me: We're outta here!