Heroes in the Dark chapter 58

In the days to follow, Tokoyami could only ever question his own thoughts. Every time Dabi entered the room, he stiffened, nervous that the villain could see right through him, like some festering fear that his thoughts were on display. And he had to deal with that, with Dabi looking at him suspiciously every day, even while his mind was in turmoil.

The thought that bothered him the most, the thing that kept him awake deep into the night and allowed for sleep to evade him, was what his intentions had been that day. He'd stood at that window for far too long and… what? Did he think he was going to make it in the state he was in? With a clearer head, he couldn't imagine being able to climb down to safety. Not now, anyway. And not then, either. He would've definitely fallen, and unlike certain others, he can't, well, fly. He's imprisoned to this place, and it didn't feel like there was anything he could do about that now. But in a clearer state of mind, he determined… that he didn't want to die a pitiful death. After everything he went through to reach this point, he didn't want to lose sight now.

So he just had to keep believing that he'd get out of here. Either by his own means, or someone finding him and freeing him from this hell.

The hell he was in passed quietly, in any case. There was never any backlash for his actions, and Tokoyami no longer felt the urge to go snooping into Dabi's secrets. Mulling over the small amount of clues he'd gotten into the villain's life, he'd pieced together some ideas. But he feared their implications, and without a clearer vision of Dabi's past life, he was hesitant to investigate it further at the moment. Maybe… maybe someday, but right now it felt like he was walking on eggshells, and he wasn't about to push his abysmal luck further.

The night directly following his little adventure in Dabi's room, he was lying on the couch, turned towards the tattered cushion with his eyes wide upon, not wanting to move but not wanting to sleep either. When he heard the door open, he instinctively held his breath and went completely still. He listened tensely to the man's footsteps as they headed towards the door of his room. They stopped, and Tokoyami could hear his own heart pounding in his chest like a bird in a cage. But then the door opened like normal, and Dabi stepped inside as though nothing had ever been out of place. When the door clicked back into place without a hitch, Tokoyami let out a rattled breath, finding the ability to breathe again.

The next day, Dabi had gone out early in the morning and came back around midday. Tokoyami watched him quizzically, until he looked away when he saw Dabi kneeling next to his door. Without a single indication that anything was wrong, or even a question, this guy had went and obtained a new deadbolt lock.

Shit.

Shit, he's going to kill me, isn't he?!

Not wanting to bear witness but also with nowhere to go, Tokoyami gathered himself on the ground behind the couch, bunching his shoulders against the wall to be as small and out of sight as possible. He was betraying himself, though, as his ruffled feathers were peeking out from over the top of the armrest.

"Hey, kid, what do you think you're doing?" Dabi drawled. The old lock fell from the door with a clang, rolling onto the ground.

Tokoyami started, his feathers puffing up. Oh, how he can never seem to play it cool when it matters most. He poked his beak out from behind the couch, just to see those chilling blue eyes staring him down accusingly. He didn't even have to say anything. Tokoyami, without need of interrogation, had been caught. Not in the act, but the fact that Dabi must've seen something amiss with his room was reason enough to take action against it.

Tokoyami chose his words carefully, stepping away from any responsibility. "Just the same stuff I do every day, I suppose… is it important? You're doing something new – is there a reason?"

Dabi's eyes narrowed to slits, and the beginning of a mischievous grin appeared on his scarred face. "I guess you could say there is. Can't have anyone too dumb to read the signs wandering in, you know? I'm just taking the precautions I should've done a while ago." He began screwing in the new lock, testing its security.

"Precautions… is all," Tokoyami murmured, turning towards the wall.

Dabi finished what he was doing, and Tokoyami only realized what he was doing next when the shadow of the lanky man fell over him. Tokoyami looked up sharply, locking eyes with the fiend. On the outside he appeared entirely indifferent.

But beneath his cool demeanor, his eyes simmered with a quiet anger. "Yeah. So don't go looking to make more mistakes. Every day you test my patience – so keep your beak out of it. You hear?"

Tokoyami hunched his shoulders. He knew. Of course he did. He looked at the ground, feeling the heat of embarrassment beneath his feathers. But this was a surprisingly calm reaction, despite the feeling of his accusatory glare burning into his neck. "I understand, yes."

He was in no rush to see what else that room had to offer, in any case. So for now he was left to focus on more immediately pressing matters. Dabi continued to leave him alone for the most part after that. The only real difference was the heavy clunk the new lock would make every time Dabi closed it behind him, a reminder for him to stay away. And so he did, keeping as much distance as he could.

And so it gave him plenty of time to just… think.

The biggest thing to have arisen from what had happened in Dabi's room was the vague memory of that voice calling out to him. Something so fond in his mind that he'd missed hearing – conversing with. Dark Shadow. He'd finally spoken to him at that time, for the first time in weeks. Ever since Tokoyami could remember, his quirk had never been quiet for so long. No matter what happened, they'd gotten through the hardships of everyday life before. It was just… so weird knowing that he was still there in the very bottom of his thoughts, but was refusing to reach out to him. He felt alienated from the only power he'd ever had. And no matter how much he tried to talk with Dark Shadow, include him in one-sided conversations and share his open thoughts with him, nothing had been enough to goad the quirk into speaking.

But that incident at the window had. It had been enough to fuel Dark Shadow into calling out, in that impossibly weak voice that was so uncharacteristic of him. And the more he thought about it, the more he wished to hear that cawing voice again. The world was so quiet without him.

Tokoyami asked himself every day after that what he had to do to reach out to Dark Shadow. After that, he would go on to ask Dark Shadow what he had to do to reach him. Of course, it didn't bear any results, but it still felt important to do it. Dark Shadow deserved to hear everything he had. It ended up leading to a lot of deeper introspection, more than what he was used to. Tokoyami juggled the morality of good and evil, dwelling on where he found himself in this exhausting fight for clarity. He dared not think of the future, for that would only lead him to begging questions he didn't have answers for. So he stayed in the present, even though that hurt him all the same.

And over and over, he'd voice the same thought so that Dark Shadow might hear:

Why did you call out to me? Why did you want me to stop?

And every time he asked those questions, he could already feel himself formulating the answers in his head. If I had tried jumping from that window, would I have died? Is that why you stopped me, so that I wouldn't get hurt again, or worse? I don't want to put you through that again, not after everything else we had to endure. I just… thought that we could've gotten out of this together. But I also know that things will never be what they used to be.

Dark Shadow, I don't want to keep struggling like this. It's hard not having you around to talk to. Usually I'm more confident in my decisions when you're there to help me work through them. I'm sorry I wouldn't listen to you. I know I should've. It would've saved me a lot of heartache.

And no matter what… it would come as no surprise when he was met with that gut-wrenching silence. He hated the idea that he might actually be growing used to the silence. He didn't want that to be the case – not while the chance of getting through to Dark Shadow again still stood.

But there were other things plaguing his thoughts, too.

He couldn't stop thinking about that red feather. If Hawks had run into Dabi or was investigating into the League, then he wanted to know about it. Of course, that was a difficult thing to gain knowledge on. He didn't know anything of what was going on. The first time Tokoyami had been in the hands of the League, held captive at that other place, Dabi had brought him newspapers and kept him somewhat up-to-date with current events. It had mostly just been reports about the forest attack and Kamino ward, and Tokoyami was pretty sure he'd been given that information in order to sink him further into a state of regret.

And so he knew little of what was happening in the outside world. But there was something going on. In the aftermath of Overhaul's fall, there had to be things shifting in the underground, heroes constantly on the move, crime activity moving in one direction or the other depending on when the next aspiring kingpin of villainy showed itself. And Tokoyami was left with a strange feeling of dread that Hawks would find a way to get into the heart of the matter. The plans of the League of Villains were a large point of debate, especially after the last stunt they had pulled.

The number two hero was always getting ahead in one thing or another. I… never was able to keep up with him during the work study. I thought I'd be able to if I had just been given more time. I wanted to show him that I could fly alongside someone like him, but I never figured out how. He was too fast, and I too foolish.

Tokoyami mulled over the winged hero with troubled thoughts. By the end of his time spent watching Hawks at a distance when he was supposed to be learning from him, he'd gotten nothing from it. The only exchange of information that had occurred during the short period of internship had been from Tokoyami, who Hawks had been insistent on wringing any witness information he could get about the USJ attack. Hawks had been blunt when telling him that 50% of the reason why he'd chosen Tokoyami was because of the potential intel he had on the League of Villains.

How bitter I'd been back then, to be treated like an information broker. If only he could hear what I knew about the League now… I wonder if he'd been close enough in range somewhere to hear through that feather Dabi destroyed. I wonder if that had been my only chance to get through to a hero from the outside.

Tokoyami leaned his head back against the couch, staring up at the grimy patterns that danced across the ceiling, the imprints of old flames and frustrations. A breath escaped him, somewhere between wistful and sad. "I never even got to know the rest of the reason why he'd decided to take me on as his intern," Tokoyami grumbling, thinking about that red feather bitterly. Perhaps… it had just been a red herring. It would be easier for him to accept that the heroes had yet to find him – that he'd be putting up with this for a while yet. He couldn't allow that red feather to haunt him more than it already was. In the end, there was no hope attached to what was already gone.

You were supposed to take me under your wing. Instead, I'm out here being trained by the enemy. And yet… in the time I spent training with Dabi before the whole Overhaul incident, I'd learned much more from him than I ever did from you. But I still can't help wondering if I'll ever get the chance to intern as a hero again. It feels so far away.

He could dwell on this subject as long as he wanted, but it wouldn't bring him any closer to reconciling with his thoughts.

It was also around this time that Tokoyami had run out of medical supplies. He'd been hesitant to approach Dabi about it until he was down to his last bandage and his bottle of antibiotics had just run dry. With how on the fence he was regarding the criminal, it was difficult bringing up his own needs like this. He'd already inconvenienced Dabi once this week because of the changing of the locks.

When he finally did confess his almost none-existent supply, he'd been met with a rare flash of anger.

"What the hell, why didn't you tell me that sooner?" he growled, eyebrows furrowed.

Tokoyami carefully avoided his heated glare. "I didn't want to bother you," he muttered dejectedly.

"Well, it's a hell of a lot more bother now that you have so little left," Dabi said, seething with annoyance. He began looking through the remainder of what Tokoyami had been given. After over three weeks spent here, he'd expended almost everything that had been given to him by that doctor. Dabi let out a hiss from between gritted teeth. "I don't know when I'll be able to get stuff like this next, you know? That requires a special trip, and I had other things I had to do these next few days. I can't plan shit around you. Not on short notice, at least."

Tokoyami kept his beak shut. He was really being chewed out by a guy like this, huh? For someone who barely took care of himself, he was still fully aware of his other responsibilities, and that included ensuring Tokoyami's well-being. Even if the bird-headed boy was intent on getting into trouble.

Dabi's anger dissipated in a heavy sigh, his shoulders deflating. "When was the last time you changed your bandages?"

"Yesterday morning," Tokoyami mumbled.

Dabi cursed under his breath. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair, thinking about something. "Yeah, okay, just give me a sec." Without waiting for a response, he went over to the locked door of his room. Opening it, he went inside. Usually he closed it behind him, but this time it was left mostly open. Tokoyami stayed a fair distance away from it, but he could still see a few familiar things inside: his messy bed, the edge of a shelf and carpet stained with dark soot. And he could see Dabi himself, rooting through his bedside table.

Dabi caught sight of him looking. "Don't just stare at me, you little shit," Dabi huffed, hurrying himself with what he was doing. "There's nothing in this room except for me," he said, and there was something strange about how he said it. Like he was covering up the fact that he had anything at all to hide, or maybe that he really was all there was in the room – that the room really was all of him. It was a bubble that held every aspect of his life that he hid away from the rest of the world.

Then he walked back out, casual as ever, like he wasn't suspect to Tokoyami's antics whatsoever. In his hands was a few medical bits and ends, enough bandages, gauze, and antibiotics to last at least the next few days until he could find more. Dabi set them on the countertop and closed the door to his room. "Go through this stuff and figure out what you need, because I'm gonna need whatever you don't use back," he growled.

Tokoyami picked up the supplies, dipping his head in begrudging gratitude. From the small pile, a few staples fell out, dropping onto the floor. Tokoyami wasn't sure what to do with them.

Dabi quietly picked them up, a frown pulling at the marred flesh of his face. "…These aren't for you. Unless you need them for any reason."

Tokoyami watched Dabi stoop to pick them up while he put his own new resource of supplies aside. He thought about whether or not he should say anything, given the close call he'd had already with the room incident. Against his better judgement, he did. "Do you need a lot of staples on hand?"

Dabi furrowed his brow and pursed his lips. He didn't look particularly angry, but sometimes it was hard to tell with how his face was. Tokoyami could read his expressions more or less by now, but that didn't make him any easier to figure out as a person.

So he was a bit surprised when Dabi responded with an actual answer. "Uh, yeah. They can fall off after a while or get ripped out in a fight, which I think you've seen before. Usually staples get taken out once a graft is finished healing… but since that doesn't happen, I just keep replacing them."

Tokoyami clutched the medical supplies in his hands. It sounded like he'd been needing stuff like this for a long time. As it was every time Dabi said something small about himself, it caught him off guard, and he wasn't sure how to respond. "So that's how it is… I'll be sure to put this to good use," he said, putting the supplies away.

Dabi thumbed over the staples in his hand before pocketing them. "Do what you want. If you still manage to run out before I can get more, that's on you, though."

He got new medical supplies the next night.

After that, Tokoyami calmed down a bit more around him, the feeling of him being caught for his actions dissipating over the days to come.

He wasn't the best at keeping track of the passing time, but it must've been something like four weeks that had passed since the Overhaul incident. He didn't know what the exact date was, but he had a feeling that they were getting almost to the end of October. And that meant…

He didn't want to think about that, though. Time would pass with or without him.

It was like this that he would wonder when things would begin to change again. When would this resting point, where he was growing used to his surroundings, reach yet another abrupt end? It didn't seem like this would last forever.

When a new day came and Dabi came up to him in the kitchen, he tilted his head to the side, asking the silent question of what did he want.

Dabi wasn't the kind of person to sugarcoat things, so he jumped right into it. "Hey, kid, hope you're ready for another field trip. Same as before – let's go see how the rest of the League is doing."

Tokoyami bristled, looking up at Dabi in confusion. "So soon?! I thought you didn't like moving me around so much..."

"I don't. But it's been almost two weeks since then, and I guess Shigaraki doesn't trust my updates of you that much. Might as well make an irl trip just so that he stops pestering me about it," Dabi drawled. From the sounds of it, it didn't seem like too much of a bother considering how casually he was talking about it. Last time he'd had things he had to talk through with the group – this one would probably be quick. Tokoyami might've called it an informal meeting, if not for the fact that any meet-up with the group was already pretty unprofessional.

Dabi was picking aimlessly at a loose staple on his hand, a mild action that made Tokoyami grimace. "From what I understand, they were able to carry out their previous plan against that cult group already, so that's good for them."

Really? I hope Spinner was able to accomplish what he wanted. "What does that mean for us?"

Dabi considered that for a moment, blinking slowly. "Well, if all went good, then it means we have more money. Maybe we can actually get you some more stuff. Or takeout food."

Tokoyami wasn't about to admit it, but that sounded ideal. He grew weary of washing the same few changes of clothes every couple days, and Dabi hadn't been able to get any apples this week because apparently they were on a tight budget. As it turned out, it didn't actually pay to be a villain.

There'd been a night where Dabi had come back annoyed, and he'd confessed that he'd accidentally burned the wallet of someone who'd gotten into an "argument" with him. He'd been trying to take it for himself.

Tokoyami had given up on challenging him on whatever ethics he held. At this point, it was what it was. It wasn't the best by any means, but Tokoyami would accept a better standard of living if it meant accepting questionable funding. At least with the CRC that the League had gone up against, he felt no qualms against reaping the benefits of their inevitable downfall.

Tokoyami crossed his arms, contemplating the next step of his journey at hand. "I suppose it doesn't hurt to get caught up with the rest of the League."

Dabi smirked. "Oh yeah? I can always hear them on the other side of the phone, bickering amongst themselves. They're all pretty excited to see you again. Can't imagine why – it's almost like they enjoy having you in this group with them."

Tokoyami fought hard to suppress a smile. As much as he hated to admit it, this group of villains definitely stood out from the rest. It was just unfortunate that he had to stand in the midst of them. "Th-that makes no difference… but, ah, when do we leave…?"

Dabi looked him up and down, searching for weakness. He already knew that Tokoyami would be grateful just to get out of this room and walk around in an open environment (provided nobody else was around to see him).

"We're leaving here in like an hour, so get ready."

.