It's so hard to breathe.
Why can't I move?
I don't feel anything anymore.
Tokoyami's headspace was a junkyard of fleeting thoughts and contorted memories. Every breath felt unnatural, and in the depths of his unconsciousness there was nothing but smoke for him to inhale. The familiar, gut-wrenching sobs of a girl followed him everywhere his shadowy dream-self went, and though there was nothing tangible to hold onto, countless hands always appeared to grab at him every step of the way, clinging like vines. With his heart weighed down by sorrow and lungs heavy with smoke, it should've been easy for these hands to drag him down – further, further – to a place where he'd never feel anything ever again.
But no matter how far he sank, something else was hanging on. Thick black claws wrapped around his midriff, trying desperately to keep him aloft above it all. It hurt at times, the sensation of being pulled between two forces, and he imagined the scar on his stomach coming undone, splitting down the middle in such a way that both sides would get some useless half of him. Would they be happy, he wondered, if they could only keep a piece of him? Or was he needed in full to be of any worth?
And so he never tore. He kept slogging through the bog of ideas, feeling the pressure of his actions bearing down on him all the way. As he went, he would see things, people. People he left behind. Friends and mentors he couldn't save. They always seemed to look at him with such scathing disappointment, as if he were the sole reason why their presence was concentrated to this hell-scape where the living didn't belong. He'd feel his anguish renew itself, like a wound that couldn't be healed by the passage of time.
He could see All Might, standing with his arm raised for the last time, battered and bloodied on that horrendous battlefield. Then the vision would change, and he'd find himself standing in front of the hero's memorial statue. He saw Mr. Compress, reaching behind him out of the corner of his vision, and then he'd look and see nothing but a broken old man with a hole in his side. Twice was there, knocking on the door of his room in Overhaul's base, begging to know what was wrong. And Tokoyami spent the longest time resisting, trying to ignore his concern while the blankets of the bed wrapped around him over and over like the coils of a snake until he couldn't take it anymore. So he opened the door, only to see Twice's blank, empty eyes and blood spilling from his mouth, open in a scream that never came. A red feather sliced through Twice, sliced through him, and suddenly he was somewhere else.
He stood in a lofty office overlooking the city. It was littered with stray feathers, each one seemingly pointed towards him. And Hawks was there, going over how their temporary internship would work. Then Tokoyami opened his beak to ask a question, and the scene shifted to him staring down angrily at the winged hero, who was now cradled in his arms. At his mercy. At his expense.
He felt the flames before he saw them – all-encompassing, never-ending. And he knew who they belonged to and why they burned so hot, fueled by anger, fueled by desperation. He saw Dabi, a dark silhouette in a sea of burning blue. He felt his flames blast pass him while they trained, always close but never touching. He listened to his jeers, his demand that Tokoyami be better and try harder, as if that was all that mattered to him in the moment. And for the longest time, he never truly understood why he seemed so insistent, so involved in his training when so many others could never be bothered. And just like that, he was transported elsewhere. He watched Dabi's back as the vengeful young man stood over the body of his fallen teammate, turning a blind eye while Tokoyami escaped. He watched the way his body trembled and shoulders heaved, as if it was hard to breathe, much like how it'd been for him. But that wasn't it. Only in the depths of his tumultuous dreams could he hear the way that Dabi's breath hitched with each pained gasp as he mourned the loss of his comrade – and his student. But Tokoyami had clung too closely to one truly miserable hero, enough that he hadn't heard the strangled sobs of someone who'd been so tortured. How foolish he must've been, then, to follow after Dabi even after that in the hopes that something might change.
In the darkness he waded through, Tokoyami felt his footing slip. He took in one last gasp of air, but nothing reached his aching lungs before the hands dragged him under. A murky voice called out to him, frantically tightening his hold of him. But he was falling, falling, through endless unknown.
He reached his hands out, hoping to grab onto something, someone. And finally he felt his claws dig into something soft. He dug in harder as the person who stopped his fall writhed angrily in his grasp, but that only encouraged him to hold on tighter, wrapping his arms desperately around the unwilling participant. It was Dabi, howling with rage and begging Tokoyami to hate him, resent him, let go of him after everything he'd done. But Tokoyami couldn't let go. Because he couldn't hate him, even when the neglected fire-user threatened to kill him, as if that was something he was capable of doing.
The scene changed again, and this time he really wished it hadn't. At least now he wasn't falling. He was still clinging onto others, and they alone kept him from sinking further, even as the hands continued to tug at every part of him, digging their nails into his flesh and leaving bruises where their fingers wrapped around his limbs. They kept their hold of him while he kept his, feeling the strength ebb from his arms as he carried a small, bloodied body through empty alleyways. He looked down to see Toga, dying in his arms after their fight against Ms. Curious, and recoiled at the feelings that welled within him. He thought about the worth of a villain, the life of someone who'd been forced to struggle in the darkness of a world untouched by heroes. And then he reconsidered his own worth. Who was anyone to decide who should live and who should die? Was vengeance just if it served as a means to an end, a way of attaining peace that could not be measured any other way?
Tokoyami blinked, only to realize that he held nobody now. Instead, he could feel someone else's arms wrapped around him, pulling him close while she cried into his bloody shoulder. He stood there, rigid as a plank, while her red-stained hands dug into his shoulder-blades.
Toga. Toga, please, I can't move. And if I can't move, then—
He didn't have the heart to free himself. And so, while Toga clung to him, he let the hands finally overtake him. They pulled them both down, the farthest he could possibly go in this sorry state. They tugged on his singed feathers, untied his hasty stitches, and pulled him apart by the seams of his burns.
Tokoyami hit the ground. Hard. But this time around, there was nothing to feel. So he sat up, looking around at the bleak void that welcomed him. The hands had finally fallen away. There was nowhere else to go. The floor was cold and hard.
A disembodied hand emerged from the dark, offering itself to him. Tokoyami realized, even in the fog of his wavering mind, that he'd been here before. He knew he couldn't stay down here forever. So he struggled onto his knees, feeling the earth hum beneath him. A dull roar sounded in the distance, echoes of haunting cries. Tokoyami raised his hand, slowly seeking out the invitation. The claws that'd been trying so hard to hold him above the darkness had long since left him, but he could still feel the ghost of their presence lingering across his midriff. His fingers brushed against the hand, which in turn snaked across his wrist, taking a firm hold of him. Tokoyami raised his head higher, following the length of the arm until he was looking into the startled face of Shigaraki. Why did he look so surprised?
Shigaraki… what do you ask of me?
The young king seemed to consider that with grave seriousness. His red eyes narrowed to slits, and he looked off to some place beyond Tokoyami as if in search of something unattainable. He opened his mouth, and with a jolt Tokoyami realized that this wasn't some twisted memory – it was new.
I need you to get rid of them.
What? Tokoyami pulled on his arm, trying in vain to bring it back to his side. Shigaraki, I don't understand. You… you have to let me go! You said you would!
Shigaraki's shoulders slumped in disappointment. I know.
Without warning, he let go, and Tokoyami reeled back, arms flailing as he fell down one last time. This time, there was nobody left to take hold.
Tokoyami's eyes snapped open as he fell back into himself. Blinding lights met him, and he squeezed them shut again. He gasped for air, desperate to feel, only for his body to be wracked with a coughing fit. There was something over his beak, and in a moment of panic he ripped it off while his body strained against the sheets tucked around him.
Dark Shadow! Tokoyami thought immediately, blearily sorting through the jumbled state of his mind. I'm… awake? Where are you?!
A timid voice answered him. I'm right here Fumikage, don't fret.
Tokoyami leaned his head back into his pillow, suddenly feeling unbearably heavy. That's… a relief.
"It's good that you're awake. It was only a matter of time, after all."
Tokoyami went rigid at the sound of the seemingly indifferent voice. He was certain he recognized it, but from some hazy point in time that was difficult to remember.
He turned his head, neck straining against the bandages, so that he could see who awaited him.
The first thing he saw was a mechanical arm, and for the shortest of seconds the image of Mr. Compress popped into his mind. But this wasn't him. Rather, it was somebody else who'd lost their left arm to a certain yakuza half a year ago.
A tall, serious-faced man was seated in a chair near his bedside. He had green hair streaked with yellow, and startling eyes. He was dressed in formal business attire – a choice in outfit that had seemed strange on the battlefield, but now seemed more appropriate. His face gave away no expression, though Tokoyami couldn't help thinking that he looked tired.
"I hope this doesn't come as an unpleasant surprise…" the man started tentatively, as though he'd been rehearsing what to say for a while but seemed less certain now that Tokoyami was awake. "After all, I never got the chance to properly introduce myself, let alone thank you."
Tokoyami opened his mouth, seeing the name appear in his mind before it spilled from his damaged throat like the creak of an old door. "Night…e-eye," he managed. His mouth felt impossibly dry, and it stung to swallow. There had never been enough time to speak, and even in this time of rest it felt futile.
The hero blinked slowly. "I advise you not to push yourself too much, inconvenient as it may be, but yes. I am Sir Nighteye. You may refer to me as Sir, if that's easier."
When Tokoyami had passed out on the battlefield in the wake of the villain's escape, he hadn't been sure where or when he'd wake up next. The past several times he'd awaken in a hospital bed, he'd been in the company of villains. It was strange, now, to think that he might actually be in a recognized medical facility. But looking around, it still felt… off.
The off-white walls felt cold and unyielding around him, a solid reinforced door on the far end the only way in and out. All the lights were on, making him squint under their fluorescent glare. And, as opposed to most any other hospital room he'd seen before, there was no window looking out, making him wonder if this was part of an isolated branch.
Tokoyami made an attempt to use his voice again, emitting a rough whine before a fit of coughs overtook him. Sir Nighteye gave him a look that was equal parts sympathetic and judgmental. Not wanting to accept either response, Tokoyami ducked his head down.
Dark Shadow?
The quirk squirmed sleepily in the recesses of his mind. …Hm?
If you are able to, could I please have some help?
Oh… oh! Yeah, yeah, sure thing!
Amber eyes flashed under the thin bedsheets, and Tokoyami watched as a small shape wormed its way out from the blankets. Dark Shadow popped out next to his head, appearing small and weary. From his cotton-thread shelter, he turned to Sir.
"If Fumikage can't talk, then I'll talk for the both of us!" the shadowy entity announced in a thin, reedy voice. "So… where are we?"
We're safe, right?
Sir Nighteye nodded his head in understanding and started addressing the both of them. "We're currently based at Central Hospital, which is notorious for providing top-of-the-line medical care. Many of the heroes injured in the war against the Paranormal Liberation Army were transferred here. Admittedly, there was some dispute over where you'd be sent to recover, but I wanted to ensure you got the care you deserved… after everything."
Tokoyami and Dark Shadow exchanged concerned glances. He figured he should be grateful to not be immediately condemned by whoever was in charge of this hero society, considering he'd already been seemingly written off long ago. If he was getting the same treatment as any other hero, then that was good, right? But the circumstances still made him uncomfortable, and he couldn't help yearning for a place beyond this room despite only just waking up.
That still left countless questions left unanswered, and so he prompted his quirk to keep going. "So we're here… but why are you here?"
Sir Nighteye raised an eyebrow, and Dark Shadow stumbled over himself. "N-not that we don't appreciate it! We're just surprised, is all."
"No, I understand. You've only met me once before, and yet you yourself are the subject of so much discussion. You're right to be cautious," the hero said, adjusting his glasses. "If anyone else were to ask, I'd say that I'm here to look out for my sidekicks and interns who participated in the battle. You're already familiar with Lemillion and Deku; as their mentor, it's my responsibility to ensure their well-being. If you were wondering, Lemillion has already been discharged, while Deku has yet to awaken. It'll be some time before he does, too. In the meantime, I had the foresight to know that you'd need somebody here at your side when you awoke."
Tokoyami searched his face for words left unsaid, but this man was frustratingly hard to read. Did heroes not trust him in a room to himself? Or was this man just trying to look out for his well-being where nobody else could. No… no, I can trust him, Tokoyami decided. He had to admit that it was reassuring to have a source of answers upon awakening – otherwise, he's not sure how long he could be complicit in this alien environment. Pondering the idea further, what would he have done if he'd awoken to find nobody here to reassure him or offer insight? Nevertheless, if he was going to figure out where he stood in this situation, then he'd rather not do so while being bedridden.
Tokoyami slowly pushed himself up with his right arm until he came to rest in a sitting position on his bed. His left arm was secure in a sling, and his body felt numb all over, so he was pleasantly surprised when no pain came of the action. He was just unbearably groggy.
That's when he noticed a bright red apple placed carefully on his bedside table. Underneath it was a folded piece of pink construction paper. Tokoyami couldn't help staring at it blankly. It seemed so out of place, and yet it made his heart ache.
"You're not able to receive visitors at this time, though your friends and family have made earnest attempts. Otherwise I'm sure you would have more gifts to wake up to. I was, however, able to get this to you, as I'm working on special permissions. As per her request, it was of the utmost importance that I made this delivery," Sir Nighteye explained promptly.
Tokoyami reached over and gently slid the paper out from under the bright red fruit. It looked delicious, but he wasn't sure if he'd be able to eat it right now.
The paper felt so remarkably delicate in his hands. It was for him, and that meant something. But more important than that was who had written it for him in the first place. He gently unfolded the pink paper in his lap, and his eyes took in the carefully written message of a little girl. It was from Eri. He knew it even before he saw her name written out on the bottom. Her handwriting was shaky at times, with a few errors here and there, but every word brimmed with meaning.
To my heros Tsukuyomi and Dark Shadow,
Im realy happy that your back! Mr. Aizawa said it might be hard, but I always new that you would come back. I have been treated realy well while you where gone, and theres lots of good people helping me. I have been living that happy life you wanted me to have last time you talked to me. I had a hard time at furst because I didn't now were you went. I never got the chance, but I hope I can thank you for real now that your here. So thank you for being their for me before anyone else. It ment a lot to me. I hope you get better soon so that I can see you. We can eat candy apples and walk around UA and I can tell you all about the things I learned!
From Eri.
There was a little drawing underneath of a scrawled out black bird sitting next to an apple. Tokoyami read the message to himself again, his heart warm by the sweetness of the gesture. In a world of doubt and uncertainty where his place in the world would be called into question, this little girl knew the good he possessed and believed in him. And maybe at some point that would've been all he needed.
Tokoyami smiled sadly as he folded the note back up, silently swearing to always hold onto it. It's a relief. I always figured that whatever happened to her after defeating Overhaul would be better than what she'd faced before. Even still, I'm glad I can hear from her that she's truly happy. He looked up to Sir Nighteye as he set the note aside for now. It seems as though she's adjusted well. That's the most I could've hoped for. It seems so far away now, but since that time I'd always wondered what had become of everyone involved in that raid.
Dark Shadow gave a curt nod from under the blanket and stuck his beak out a bit further. "We were worried about you all," the quirk summarized. "We're glad Eri's okay. Last we saw, though, you were hurt. And Lemillion… so it was a surprise! You're both back in action!"
Sir Nighteye let out an uncertain hum. "Though Eri's young, she's very determined and a hard worker. She's been training her quirk so that it could be used for good. I oversaw her progress alongside Aizawa, who took over her care when her future was being decided. And though it can still be unstable, she wanted more than anything to restore Lemillion's lost quirk…"
Tokoyami wasn't used to hearing so much good news. While Eri looked up to him for his actions, he could only reflect that the same was true for him regarding Lemillion. He wanted the chance to thank that hero and reconcile with him in some way, since they've fought together twice now.
Tokoyami voiced a question in his thoughts and silently prompted his quirk to ask the same. "Your arm is still gone. And… and a lot of people were hurt and killed in this most recent battle. She's not… being put under any pressure, is she? Her ability is amazing, but we worry about her… her worry about everyone's fate. You already mentioned Midoriya and Bakugou…"
The knowledgeable man seemed to consider how much he should say, the mechanical fingers of his left hand tapping against his knee. "So much has happened that you're not aware of, young Tokoyami. It might not be my place to say all that has happened, but I can tell you what I know for certain." He straightened in his seat and placed his good hand over the other. "Eri wants to help where she can, but this world holds many horrors that she shouldn't have to see. I know you and her share a history, brief as it was, that she doesn't speak much of. She's still a child, so nobody is forcing her to do anything she doesn't want to do… except for her homework, I suppose," he murmured with a hint of humor. "She does want to restore my arm. And Aizawa's leg, since that was lost in the battle against Shigaraki." He paused to gauge Tokoyami's reaction. He lowered his head grimly, hearing this news. He'd figured Aizawa had sustained injury when he'd seen his old teacher retreating from the field, but couldn't have guessed what the extent of it had been. "That being said, there's no plan to enlist her in healing anyone's injuries if she's scared or uncertain. And there's no bringing back the dead."
Tokoyami went rigid, and countless faces flashed through his mind. Dark Shadow squirmed uncomfortably under the weight of their shared thoughts before turning back to Sir. "This was… a very big battle. There were people who didn't make it, huh?"
Sir Nighteye seemed to look past him, as if he could see the lives of those that weren't here anymore. "You carry a heavy enough burden as it stands but… yes. Everyone did what they could. Such a bitter outcome… it couldn't have been avoided, try as we might." He made a decision in that moment, opening up more about the outside knowledge he possessed. "Many good heroes lost their lives. Civilians, too, despite the continuous efforts to evacuate them at the sights of damage. News of the heroes that lost their lives have already reached the public. Much like when…" the serious-faced hero's expression broke for a moment, betraying a level of grief he hadn't expected. "When All Might passed, the nation mourned him, and now so soon after that we've reached this place in time. Majestic was a well-regarded hero that died ensuring that your classmates escaped from Gigantomachia. Similarly, the Number 6 pro hero Crust met his fate while Aizawa's team fled from Shigaraki's awakening at the hospital site. And… Gran Torino, an old and respected hero who mentored Midoriya, succumbed to the injuries he'd sustained from Shigaraki here in this hospital."
Tokoyami clenched his fists and stared down at the floor, avoiding Sir's steady gaze. Shigaraki had wrought so much unfathomable damage upon the world. He'd stripped Midoriya of yet another important mentor figure in his life. How was he supposed to answer for his actions, fighting to preserve the lives of heroes and villains alike?
Dark Shadow leaned into his side, offering whatever comfort he could. "And the others? Did… did they make it?" the quirk rasped hoarsely. Tokoyami was almost too afraid to hear the answer, lest it cast him into a pit of turmoil as deep as the one in his dreams.
Sir Nighteye blinked slowly at him. Then a thin smile broke across his face, and Tokoyami felt at least one burden leave his shoulders. "It's not public knowledge, but your actions have been made known amongst the hero side. You rescued Midnight from a group of villains, and because of that she's now recovering in this very hospital. She's not awake yet, but when she is then you're welcome to go see her. Your classmates made quite a case for you, after all. Lemillion's friend, Suneater, also had something to say about you when he brought in Hawks for urgent care. In any case, without your word both cases remain incomplete, but it sounds like those two heroes have you to thank."
Tokoyami was grateful to hear the news about Midnight – honestly and truly! – but there was a bitterness in his mouth that he couldn't rid himself of, and so he could only offer a shaky nod of his head. I know I told Hawks he couldn't die, but… he still needs to answer to us.
"Can… can we visit Hawks, too? You said we could see Midnight when she wakes up. We should be able to check on our old mentor, too," Dark Shadow pressed, the smallest glint of hunger in his yellow eyes.
Sir Nighteye hesitated. This seemed to be the question that truly stumped him. He began tentatively, voice quieter than before, and for the first time Tokoyami wondered if this room was being monitored. I'm sure it is. They would never leave me alone. "I'll… have to check back with that. You two both sustained grave burns. They haven't been able to get much information from Hawks about all that happened, despite offering him the means to communicate and encouraging him to write out his case. The only account we have from what befell you two… comes from the nationwide message that Dabi televised."
Tokoyami winced, feeling his worst fears being confirmed. He'd only heard it over the radio, but sure enough the whole world had born witness to it. A part of him didn't want to ever relive the events of that interaction in the mansion, but he knew that eventually he'd have to speak up about it. Why had he defended Twice? Why would a hero feel compelled to stab him? And why would a villain like Dabi express so much outrage? Tokoyami felt he held all these answers and more. Despite his relative trust in Nighteye, he couldn't help but wonder how he might be scrutinized upon the revelation of his experiences.
No doubt, Nighteye wondered the same things, because he kept going despite Tokoyami's rising discomfort. "I'll be forward, Tokoyami: you've gained a lot of attention for yourself. Villains that were taken into custody seem to think highly of you. And it seems as though… nobody thinks as highly of you as Dabi did."
Tendrils of despair clutched around his heart. "But… why?" Tokoyami croaked, his voice splitting his throat.
Sir Nighteye's response was hardly much more than a whisper. "We don't know. When you're ready, you'll probably want to watch his video, though. You'll probably have a better understanding of it than anyone else."
Tokoyami had really only heard a portion of that video Dabi had put out. He dreaded what it might contain, but understood how necessary it would be to watch it for himself. Just… not now. Literally anything else. He turned his head away, as if he could look through the blank wall and see the world beyond that he so desperately yearned for. He listened to his heartbeat, steadily thumping in his chest, while Dark Shadow continued to ask questions about the incident.
A lot of heroes had retired following the war. That wasn't great to hear. His classmates were all okay. That was good. The possessions he'd had on him were in custody. Tokoyami dare not ask if he could have his clawed gauntlets back so soon after such a large-scale fight. A lot of villains had also been taken into custody, including Mr. Compress. He was alive and recovering in a fortified prison hospital. That was… I wish I could formulate a proper thought. I suppose I'm relieved to hear he's still alive but… I doubt they'd ever let me see him. I don't expect anyone to understand the connection I have with the League, considering they were the ones who captured me.
As Tokoyami grew accustomed to his awakened self, he started to feel more comfortable stirring on the bed. He sat with his legs crossed and the covers pulled aside, taking in information as it reached him. His eyes lingered on the circular bruise around his ankle from the PLF's monitor device. Just above that, peering out from the hem of his pants, was a lingering scar in his leg from when Overhaul had pierced it in their battle. His hands were swathed in cool bandages, but he could feel the weeping burns on his fingers beneath them and knew they would be there for a while. The old claw marks on his arms were untouched by the medical team, though the rough scar tissue still glistened under the light. When he touched his head, he felt wrappings there. It pinned some of his feathers down awkwardly, and he worked to free a few of them without undoing the bandages. Finally, he decided that he couldn't sit around here forever, and he turned back to Sir as a rush of energy compelled him to fidget. Dark Shadow listened quietly to his desires before voicing them to the hero.
"He's not… too badly injured. And we're not in trouble… I think. Is there any way we can walk around outside this room?" Dark Shadow asked hopefully. When a look of doubt crossed Sir Nighteye's face, he persisted. "Please, it would mean a lot to us. We can't… we can't keep being locked up like this."
The hero's eyes flicked to a corner of the room, giving away the location of a small black camera. And then he let out a weary sigh that gave away his position in the matter. "Consider yourself lucky that I'm indebted to you. Even if certain people don't trust you, nobody can deny my rank as a respectable hero." His stern face softened, and for a moment there was a flicker of light in his eyes. "After all, most people remember me for being one of All Might's only sidekicks, and even in these uncertain times that still means something."
He stood up from his chair, his lanky figure towering over the dismal hospital bed while Tokoyami looked up at him, eyes wide in surprise and wonder. "Now, if you truly think yourself so able, then let's take a walk. You can walk, correct?"
Tokoyami gave a determined nod and slipped off the bed. He braced himself, using the sparse furniture for balance as he wobbled on unstable legs for a few steps. Then he found it within himself to push away the wave of lightheadedness that threatened to pull him back down. With his good arm supporting him, he slowly put on some hospital slippers before pushing off the furniture. His muscles groaned from disuse, but he wasn't in any danger of falling, thankfully.
Only when he'd proven himself capable enough to cross over to the far wall of the room where the pro hero was awaiting him did Sir open the door and usher him out.
The walls of this hallway were blank, and all the doors were the same heavy, windowless slabs that couldn't be bothered to offer a fake sense of welcoming. It was unnervingly quiet, and despite the popularity and importance of this hospital, there were no doctors or nurses patrolling this barren hall.
Tokoyami followed Sir Nighteye slowly, the only sounds those of his uneven footsteps, until they came upon an elevator at the end of the hallway. The man had to swipe a card in order to be given access to the elevator, a detail that didn't go unnoticed by Tokoyami. He shuffled nervously. So regular people aren't allowed down here after all… He couldn't help remembering the keycards that had been in use inside Overhaul's headquarters. While the PLF mansion had given him the ability to free-roam, he'd had to steal a keycard from one of Overhaul's higher ranked followers in order to access the places he wasn't supposed go. Despite himself, Tokoyami couldn't help wondering if even a place like this held dark secrets. Given his history with hospitals, he no longer wanted to be here.
I want to fly away from here.
Our friends are here. It's going to be okay, Dark Shadow gently reminded.
I want to go home.
Just a bit longer and maybe we can. The quirk didn't sound as certain this time.
Then the elevator doors opened wide, and Nighteye stepped inside. He held the door while Tokoyami hesitated, wondering if he was being lead to someplace better or if this was a cruel trick. Then he stepped inside, and the doors slid close behind him.
Only when he saw Sir Nighteye press a button for the third level and felt the elevator begin to move up did he try to calm himself.
"The third floor is where most hero care takes place," Sir Nighteye explained, waving his keycard knowingly. "Not everyone is allowed to access it. And, well, as you can imagine security right is being heightened. There's been a large group of reporters and civilians waiting outside this place since the end of the battle. I fear it might never dwindle until they hear what they want," the hero explained grimly.
Tokoyami offered a considerate hum in response, though it might've sounded more like the growl of a housecat.
Then the elevator stopped, and they stepped out into a more conventional hospital hallway. Nurses busied themselves from one door to the next, and the murmur of overlapping voices reached him. Underneath that was another sound, of voices from outside crying out so that they could be heard through the very walls of the sturdy structure. Tokoyami followed the hero closely, picking up his pace to keep up with his much longer strides, and they passed a small sitting space nestled between two rooms, where a window showed him a brief glimpse into the outside world.
The sky looked so clear, so untouched by all the turmoil and damage that had befallen the world it oversaw. Something within him stirred, and he felt that distinct yearning for the outside. He took a deep breath, and for a moment he swore he caught a whiff of Dabi's flames, as acrid as the nights where they'd flown through the sky. Then he raised his head a bit higher to see past the sky, to the ground below, and saw just how large the crowd waiting beyond the front entrance was. They waved signs too far away to read and yelled up at the windows while news reporters milled about their vehicles, hoping to catch sight of any hero or hapless employee that crossed their path.
Tokoyami backed away and hurried back to Sir Nighteye, deciding not to stray far. As they went, he couldn't help the stares that followed him every step of the way. The voices started to sound more hushed, as though they had secrets that they wanted to keep from him, and his feathers prickled with unease. He didn't want to dismiss Dark Shadow because he was his only means of communicating right now, but he wondered if that'd be considered an inappropriate use of his quirk within this space. Or maybe he, specifically, was not to be trusted with quirk usage.
Tokoyami peered into doorways that had been left open, desperate for any kind of familiarity to reach him. Then he heard a soft sob above the other sounds coming from a few doors down, and he slipped past Sir to poke his head into the room. He briefly took note of the nameplate on the door – Shouto Todoroki – and his gut began to churn. He'd never been particularly close with the student, and yet he might be the person he wanted to talk to the most right now.
Upon entering the room, he quickly discovered that Todoroki wasn't present. And yet he couldn't be disappointed, because in his stead were their fellow classmates. It was Yaomomo, Ashido, Kaminari, and Shouji, all standing around Todoroki's empty bed whispering in hushed tones.
Then Shouji turned sharply, as if he'd heard something he hadn't expected, and Kirishima followed his gaze with a soft gasp.
Before Tokoyami could stop to think if he was ready to face his old classmates again, they flocked to him first.
Yaomomo took his free hand in hers, giving it a reassuring shake as if to make sure he was truly here. "You're awake! I was worried sick about you – you went quiet on your end, and…!" The vice class president was rife with concern. And then something seemed to come over her, and she relaxed. "And now you're back, after all this time."
Shouji loomed over him, and Tokoyami couldn't help noticing that there was something almost protective about his stance. The last time he'd seen his friend, merely two days prior on the scene of the battle, he had refrained from getting so close. Shouji had known that Tokoyami still had work to do, and could only watch while he flew to that final battleground. But now the fighting was over. They were safe. They could afford to take this time to recover and heal. And so Shouji finally did reach out to him, patting him on the back in a small comfort. "We all missed you," he murmured gently. "I could never forgive myself for losing you. Not until you were back with us."
Tokoyami nodded numbly, his head buzzing with the welcome his classmates had to offer him. Shouji was a man of few words, but that just made what he had to say more genuine.
Ashido had tears in her red-brimmed eyes, and Tokoyami realized she must've been crying for some time now, making him wonder if something had happened or if all the stress of the prior events had finally caught up to her. She looked ready to give him a hug, which just sounded painful. But Shouji held her back gently, and that was enough for her to understand. "Y-you were always surrounded by those villains!" she sniffed sympathetically. "It must've been so scary. For… for so long! I hardly recognized you when you showed up in the camp with Kaminari!"
Tokoyami offered a strained smile. He had a rather distinct appearance, so he found that hard to believe, but he understood what she meant.
"Don't be sad!" Dark Shadow crowed, hovering at his side. "We're here – for real this time!"
Ashido forced a laugh, wiping away her tears, and offered the quirk some well-deserved pets. But Tokoyami's smile slowly slipped. He realized that Dark Shadow's words, earnest and unprompted as they had been, didn't instill him with a sense of relief the way they should've. Yes, he was back in the hands of the heroes, but was this meant to last? Even if his old classmates made him feel welcome, it didn't feel like there was such a thing as going back to the way things had been before. The balance of hero and villain had shifted. This was a post-war era that he knew so little about. Was he really going to be so readily accepted back into the folds of hero society?
And furthermore, did he even want that?
While his three classmates offered him their support and expressed their concern, he noticed that Kirishima was hanging back. There was something in his upturned brow and forced relief that set him apart from the others. With a twist in the pit of his stomach, he realized that it was the face of a man who had seen a ghost while everyone else remained oblivious. It put Tokoyami on guard, and he shuffled nervously underneath the shadows of his old friends and peers. Which was a damn shame, because he really did want to feel comfortable around them and have more appreciation for the steady stream of reassurances. But despite the familiar faces, he couldn't ignore the barrier that existed between them now.
Shouji was one of a handful of people he was grateful to reconcile with. Tokoyami hadn't been with Class 1A long enough to form particularly close-knit friend circles, but Shouji had been someone he'd hung out with more frequently than any other. Their friendship, though few in words, had been important in making him feel more welcome in the class, since so few of the students possessed mutant-type qualities. They had a mutual understanding, and in that environment it had meant the world to him, even if he never said that out loud.
Perhaps that was why, even after so long apart, Shouji knew what he needed without him having to say it. The gentle giant quietly took in Tokoyami's nervousness, the way he seemed to inch towards the exit, and the looming shadow of the hero waiting behind them. "We weren't sure we'd be seeing you so soon. Everyone was told you were being held elsewhere for now," he murmured, glancing pointedly out the doorway. "Are you… looking for someone in particular?"
Tokoyami didn't have to think about it for long. Initially, he had only wanted to leave the confines of his room, but now that he was out and about, it was hard to ignore the new feeling of unrest that had instilled itself in him the moment he'd set his sights on the name plate for the room. With that in mind, he silently willed his quirk on.
Dark Shadow weaseled out from under Ashido's hand. "Actually! Uh, now that you mention it, this is Todoroki's room, isn't it?" The students hesitated. No doubt, they were already well aware of the family drama that had unfolded on the battlefield. Dark Shadow quickly piped up again, as if he needed to explain himself. "He… he protected us during that fight. We wanted to make sure he was alright." Hopefully that was all that needed to be said without going into too much detail.
"The fight… with Dabi," Shouji said, a far-away look in his eyes. A fight with Dabi so long ago had been the start of it all. And now it also felt like the end of all things.
Yaomomo looked over her shoulder to the messy, unoccupied bed behind them. "Todoroki… yes. We were here when he woke up, but we didn't get much time to be with him before his siblings stopped by. His father – Endeavor – got out of surgery not that long ago, so I imagine they're paying him a visit as well," she mused thoughtfully.
Tokoyami steeled his resolve with a deep, raspy breath. Even if it's not my place… I need to see him. I need to speak with his family. Dark Shadow listened to him, dipping his head in understanding. "Can someone direct us to where the Todoroki family is? We really wanna talk with them," the quirk asked, looking between them each in turn.
Sir Nighteye didn't comment on his new request, so hopefully that meant it was okay. He'd feel like a damn fool if he set out to find Todoroki now, only to be stopped at the last moment.
That's when Kirishima finally came forward, slipping between Shouji and Ashido. "I walked past Endeavor's room earlier, so I know where it is. I can take you there if… if that's alright."
Tokoyami sensed that there might've been an ulterior motive, but that didn't bother him so much. He was used to the prospect in a world where nothing could be taken for granted. He recalled that Kirishima had wanted to talk to him before, too, when he was in the camp and getting ready to leave. But evidently whatever he had to say couldn't be spoken of in the presence of his classmates. So he had his quirk accept the offer for them.
Kirishima slipped past him and into the open hallway. Tokoyami waited a beat, looking back to his old friends. "We'll be back!" Dark Shadow croaked, hovering over Tokoyami's shoulder. Then he turned to leave with his bolstered escort and a renewed sense of purpose.
"Tokoyami…" Yaomomo began, halting his progress. He turned back to her quizzically. "They think Midnight will be waking up soon. I want to be by her side when she does. I know you're still recovering yourself, but did you want to be there too?"
Ashido perked up at that. "We've been going around where we can making sure everyone's okay. Aizawa woke up yesterday, and Shinsou's been with him since. I heard that Hawks is also going to be alright, but…"
Tokoyami grimaced at the use of the hero's name. He planned on visiting his old mentor eventually, but not in the same way he might want to see Midnight or Aizawa. Tokoyami searched the faces of everyone around him, feeling that the air had been sullied by the mere mention of that man. Were they thinking his same thoughts? Was he imagining it, or were they also staring at his bandaged shoulder with a new context?
Dark Shadow's beak quivered. At least one invitation was easy to answer. "We… we wanna be there for Midnight! So we'll be there – for sure!" And then he was waving them a temporary good-bye, already setting out for the next stop in his tour of the hospital.
Sir Nighteye made it a point of following at a short distance behind them, giving the two kids space while Kirishima guided the way through a sea of nurses and officials.
Kirishima kept his voice low, though he still made the effort to sound casual as they navigated the hospital. "Everyone really is glad to have you back… I dunno everything, but I think Bakugou will finally be relieved to know that you're here with us. I can't imagine what you went must've gone through. We, uh, kinda just had to guess for the longest time." Tokoyami nodded along with the sentiment, not quite sure how to respond. He's thought about his classmates before, sure, but the longer he'd been away from them, transitioning to a new state of normal, the harder it had become to think back on the time he'd shared with them. What had they thought when he was gone for so long? Or at least, a few of them saw the sorry state he'd been in following the Overhaul raid. As if reading his thoughts, Kirishima went on. "We were thinking that… m-maybe… you weren't around anymore. Like, at all."
Tokoyami didn't have much of a response in mind – he might've preferred not to justify a response at all. What was there to say, anyway, without betraying the darkest recesses of his ever-churning memories? So his quirk answered for him, even when he didn't necessarily ask for it. "Hehe, Ashido acted kinda surprised that Fumikage was alive at all when we got to the camp. I guess there wasn't a whole lotta talk going about us in the outside world, huh? But we're strong! We always made it through, so you don't gotta worry about us no more!"
Tokoyami was always grateful for his quirk, some times more than others. Now was one of those times, where the shadowy little entity could speak with enough confidence for the both of them. Even if the words were a bit bolder than they needed to be.
But Kirishima appeared unnervingly unconvinced. He shook his head, presumably applying his hardening quirk to his stubbornness, and he leaned forward to whisper to him. "No, Tokoyami, I… I never told anyone. It felt redundant, not knowing what happened to you after the raid on Overhaul's base. But I was there, fighting the yakuza. And they said things that I couldn't believe. The guy I was fighting, he… he said you'd already died. And he told me about what Overhaul was capable of."
Tokoyami stopped in the hallway, every muscle tensed, and he cast Kirishima a scathing look that had no right holding as much animosity as it did.
Kirishima knew. Hell, Tokoyami hadn't even known that Kirishima was present at the raid. If he wasn't there at the final battle with Overhaul, then who had he been fighting that would possess such gruesome knowledge – and run their mouth about it in the middle of a fight, no less?!
Tokoyami's face deepened into an unsightly scowl that pulled at the bandages wrapped around his head. Rappa. "Whyyy—would you trust… what a villain says-s…?" Tokoyami breathed, the strained whisper leaving his throat like barbed wire.
Kirishima wilted under the accusation, and Dark Shadow flitted anxiously between the two of them. "I'm s-sorry Tokoyami," Kirishima mumbled. "I didn't tell anyone, I swear! Because I didn't know if it was true. But something like that did happen, didn't it? Otherwise you… you wouldn't be so mad, right? A-and I really wanted to save you – both times – but you were always just out of everyone's reach. We were never enough so… you had to save yourself in the end, even when there should've been heroes helping you… I can't imagine what that must've been like."
Tokoyami dragged his feet, his eyes meeting the ground as he let Kirishima pass him by. When he held a hand to his charred throat, he could feel the sting underneath. Being around people was more exhausting than he remembered. Which was all the more frustrating when he considered that he did want to be with his old friends and classmates. But his experiences would forever set him apart. Sure, he'd been left in a bad state before, but he'd never wanted anyone on the hero side to know about his temporary demise at Overhaul's hands. The only person he'd ever confided that information to had been… Dabi.
That thought reached his mind at the same time they reached a stop, and Tokoyami looked up to read a new plaque: Enji Todoroki.
The name sent an involuntary shiver down his spine. He couldn't claim to know what kind of relationship this hero – this father – had had with his eldest son. But he could hear voices coming from inside, and he wondered if he was about to find out.
Sir Nighteye loomed over them, though he didn't seem particularly keen on entering right away – a sentiment he shared with Tokoyami, despite the bird-headed boy being the one to seek out the Todoroki family. Then he addressed Kirishima. "Thank you for guiding us here. Don't feel obligated to linger, however. Why not reconvene with Fat Gum? He'll want to make sure you're not pushing yourself too hard." Tokoyami realized that Sir was good at making an order sound like a suggestion. That was all he had to say for the student to give a shallow bow and retreat from the room. He watched him go, feeling the bitterness he felt in his heart simmer away to be replaced with an unmistakable sadness. He hoped he hadn't driven Kirishima away. He just shouldn't know these things.
But he said he wasn't telling anyone. So you gotta trust that, Dark Shadow quietly advised. We can afford to have a little more faith in others now… I think.
You say that, but…
Tokoyami reached for the sliding door. It was open just a crack – he got the impression that the visitors inside hadn't been present for very long, and he was once again faced with that tantalizing decision – was it his right to intrude on Dabi's forsaken family?
A pale white hand slipped past him, taking hold of the door when he had failed to do so himself.
Tokoyami looked up in surprise, caught up in the cool aura emanating from the unfamiliar lady that had materialized at his side like a wraith. "Please, allow me to get this," she said calmly, opening the door wide enough for the both of them. He watched the way her attentive gray eyes took in everything at once. Her white hair stood out starkly against her dark dress, and she clutched a bright blue flower in her other hand as if her life depended on it. "You must be the one Touya mentioned… why don't you come in? If you know anything about my lost son, I want to hear it."