- Chapter 06 -
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"Kira to Worf."
Slinging the phaser rifle over his right shoulder and gesturing for the five members of the away team to move onto the transporter platform, the Klingon almost immediately tapped his combadge at the sound of Kira's voice. Even over the commlink, the tinge of concern in her voice was obvious.
"Worf here. Go ahead, Major."
"I'll beam you down to a small clearing in the woods. About one hundred meters west of your position, you'll find an entrance to the subterranean tunnel system. I'm sorry, I won't be able to beam you directly into that system. A radiation scrambler is interfering with our directional sensors, making it too risky to attempt. You'd probably wind up stuck in a wall or floor if we don't get the coordinates right."
"Aye, Sir," the Klingon snorted, not very keen on becoming part of the planet. "So we'll fight our way inside then."
"According to our sensor readings, we can confirm the whereabouts of three humans about five hundred meters from your position, and another one about three hundred meters farther to the west. You'll have to bring them up to the surface because we won't be able to beam you out from there, either."
"Understood," Worf simply said, waiting for the last crewman to take position on the transporter pad before he motioned over and worked the controls to send them down to their designated landing coordinates.
"The central authority is still not answering our hails. It seems as if we're not welcome here any longer. Just be prepared to meet some resistance down there."
"How many are there?"
"We can't get any precise data, but the computer shows no more than about fifteen life signs in the designated area, including the four human life signs. Considering how well-shielded it is against our scanners, I guess the whole place must be some sort of secret base, therefore probably not really equipped with much staff."
"What about the defense system?"
"We eliminated the last cannon about four hundred meters away from your landing coordinates. That should also have taken out any further security shields around. The area should be safe now, don't worry."
Worf bit back a snarl. "I never did, Major. Worf out."
Worf hurried over to the transporter pad himself. He didn't have to wait long for the familiar tingle of the transporter beam, his vision suddenly blurring and coalescing again into shape as soon as the transporter effect left him. As Kira had said, they had beamed down into a small clearing in the woods. He squinted against the dazzling sunlight under a clear blue sky. Casting a swift look around, he spotted the other team members waiting at some distance. He immediately made his way toward them, beckoning them to follow him through the undergrowth.
They didn't even have to search long for the entrance.
It was shaped like some sort of cave, overgrown with brushwood but clearly visible to the naked eye. He quickly cast another assessing look around but couldn't make out anything suspicious. As a warrior, he knew better than to be fooled by the loneliness of the place. He once more checked the settings of his weapon and told his team to do likewise.
"Set to stun. If you encounter any resistance on your way, just stun them. We'll take care of them later. Our mission is to find Captain Sisko, Lieutenant Dax, and Chief O'Brien. As soon as anybody finds them, let the rest of the team know. Any questions?"
When no reply came and his five crewmen just nodded, the hint of a smile played on his lips. Turning toward the impenetrable darkness of the cave, he switched on his wrist beacon and directed it ahead of them.
"Then let's go."
With his phaser rifle clutched to his chest and the wrist beacon directed in front of him, the Klingon ventured into the unfamiliar territory that lay before him, followed by the rest of the away team.
After only a few minutes, they reached the first intersection. Flicking open his tricorder, Worf didn't hesitate and chose the right branch, ever following the tricorder readouts. Beaming directly into the tunnel system might have been too great a risk, but still, they had their tricorders – and that was everything Worf needed to find his way through the maze-like subterranean tunnel system.
"Sir!"
The sudden call from behind made him spin around – just in time to toss himself backward against the wall to escape the bright yellow energy streak that shot only half a meter away from his chest through the darkness. The away team member who had given the alarm had obviously not been as lucky, for with another stifled cry, he went down – shot by a streak of light from behind.
Without hesitation, Worf drew his rifle, aiming backward as he pressed himself against the wall; as if he wanted to merge with it. With only a few shots, he had taken the enemy out, calling for his team to move on before he ran back toward the fallen crewman. Swiftly flicking through the tricorder readings, he realized that the man wasn't dead but had been stunned for the time being. He quickly caught up with the rest of the team and decided to take care of the man on their way back to the surface.
"Watch your way! And watch your back!" Worf admonished once more before he took the lead again and ventured even deeper into the unknown tunnels. To his surprise, the first attack remained the only one, for they weren't attacked a second time. The further they made it into the maze-like tunnel system, the better the illumination became – even if it consisted only of the dull red glow of the emergency lighting, casting long purple shadows over the sinister scenery.
Dust hung everywhere in the air – an air far too thick and stale to spend more time in than necessary. Checking his tricorder once more, he realized that something was suddenly interfering with the tricorder's sensor sweeps, marring the readouts and rendering them useless. He snorted. Something was interfering with their sensors, cutting the tricorder's range down to hardly more than twenty meters. He took a long breath, clenching his teeth. Most likely, it was just another kind of defense system, obviously designed to give any intruders a difficult time finding their way around.
"The tricorder's sensor range is being marred," he briefly announced. "From now on, we'll split, with each group covering a designated area. We'll stay in steady contact. As soon as one of the two teams finds them, let the others know!"
He waited for a short nod from everyone to indicate they understood their mission, then gestured for them to move on. Splitting their away team made them more vulnerable. But at the same time, it was clear that the complex was staffed with only a minimum amount of personnel. Dividing the away team into two groups would increase their chances of finding their missing crewmen more quickly.
"Let's go!"
He didn't wait for the other team to separate as he dashed forward into the unknown territory, holding his tricorder in front of him, ready to follow the slightest hint the small device would grant him. After a few more intersections, they were finally getting somewhere.
Gray metal doors were lining a small corridor in front of them, the ground littered with small parts of the ceiling that had obviously come crashing down recently, most likely when the Defiant had taken out the security emitters that had been securing the area before. He cautiously stepped over the rubble and beckoned his team to follow.
When his tricorder finally sounded, he knew they were almost there. Four life signs appeared on the display only a few meters away, most likely around one of the next corners.
He brought his weapon into position, took a deep breath, and rounded the next corner.
"Worf!"
His tricorder readings had been accurate. They had finally found the Captain and their other missing crew members.
"Lieutenant Worf!" a sudden voice exclaimed in disbelief. Dax.
It took him only a few seconds to assess the situation before he moved forward, slung the rifle over his shoulder, and began untying them, the other members of the small away team doing likewise. Within a minute, everyone was rubbing their hands from the unnatural position they had been held in. Fortunately, nobody seemed to be seriously injured.
Once untied, Dax immediately rushed toward the sunken figure of Chief O'Brien, quickly grabbing the tricorder a security woman offered her. She flung it open and intently skimmed through the readings. Finally, she let out a breath of relief.
"How is he?" Sisko asked worriedly as he knelt down next to the young Trill.
Dax offered a small smile. "He's only stunned. The disruptor bolt wasn't set to kill, but I'd say the Chief will be out for some hours all the same."
"At least that's good news. Take care of him. As soon as we're on board the Defiant, he'll get proper medical attention."
Sisko then drew himself up, dusted off his uniform, and turned toward the newcomers.
"Mr. Worf, I can't tell you how good it is to see you," he said firmly, nodding toward the other away team members. "Your timing couldn't be better."
With a quick look toward the door, Worf nodded. "We're having trouble with the central authority of Felan III. The Defiant is orbiting the planet under the command of Major Kira. When the government wouldn't cooperate, the Major decided to bring you back on our own."
"That sounds like Kira," Dax smiled genuinely, though her expression became almost instantaneously serious again. When she saw Worf eyeing the young blond engineer suspiciously, she quickly added, "That's John. He's one of us."
"I see," the Klingon grumbled. "Nevertheless, we should hurry and get you out of here. Major Kira said she's taken out all the land cannons surrounding the area, but we cannot be sure they won't send reinforcements. We won't be able to beam out from here, so we have to get back to the surface and the landing coordinates."
"Then we shouldn't waste any more time," Sisko said briskly.
"Wait!" John interrupted. "What about Julian? We can't leave him here."
Sisko nodded. "Mr. Worf, can you detect another human life sign?"
"I'm sorry, Sir. Interference is cutting down our sensor range to only twenty meters. I can't get any readings beyond that."
John's brow furrowed. "And that means?"
Sisko reached for the tricorder. "You said beaming out is impossible?"
"I'm sorry, Sir. Radiation scramblers are marring the directional sensors. We won't get a lock on anything or anybody within this subterranean complex. That is why my task was to find you and bring you back to the landing coordinates."
"So we'll have to track Julian down and bring him to the surface as well," Dax said.
"With all due respect, this tunnel system is a maze. We should get back to the Defiant as quickly as possible. This conflict is very likely to escalate," Worf scowled.
"But we can't leave Julian behind!" John protested vehemently. "Not in his present condition, anyway!"
"I know. And I won't leave him behind," Sisko replied, trying to find an acceptable solution. He was well aware of the urgency, but he also knew that Bashir's present condition was nothing he could make light of.
"For the moment, catching Telac and regaining control over the situation is top priority. Now that Telac has no chance to put his plans into action any longer, we have to make sure he gets the punishment he deserves. If we wait too long, we'll risk losing him, as he will most likely go into hiding. If he does, we'll have a difficult time tracking him down. Now, we can still stop him, but we have to act quickly."
"That means you'll leave him here?" John was not sure he heard right.
"We don't even know where he is. He could be anywhere. If we don't know his exact position, we're just wasting our time. This tunnel system is far too large to rely on mere luck to find him, even if the tricorders still have a range of twenty meters. As soon as we get back to the Defiant, we can destroy the shield generator and get a proper lock on Julian. It's our only chance."
Sisko knew that his decision was anything but well-considered. He knew that leaving Bashir on his own was the worst thing he could do, but he didn't have the means or supplies to track him down in this unknown territory. Once more, he was forced to make a decision that placed the needs of many over the needs of one man. Turning to John, he tried to show a conviction he didn't feel.
"We'll find him. And then we'll bring him home." Addressing all members of the away team, he added as an afterthought, "Let's get out of here. The sooner we make it back to the ship, the sooner we can put an end to this madness."
"How did you know?" Sisko asked as they left the turbolift. Kira caught up to him and shook her head. He had been glad to see her, but more so to be back in command - in control of the situation - though the last few hours still cast a murky shadow over him.
Sisko took his chair and, exchanging a short nod with Dax, who sat at tactical, he turned back to Kira.
"Let's call it intuition," the Bajoran cut it short, her tone indicating the same urgency he felt. They would talk later. For now, it was just good to know that she had arrived in time.
"Dax, open a channel to the central authority of Felan III."
Only seconds later, the green shape of the planet below was replaced by the image of a man with short gray hair, his weathered face drawn into an ugly grimace.
"Captain Sisko. What is this all about? I want you to explain why you opened fire on our world!"
Sisko struggled hard to rein in his temper. He took a deep breath and fought down the urge to shout at the other man. He very much felt his patience dwindling.
"I could ask you the same, Mr. Hradly. Why didn't you respond to any of Major Kira's hails? And why did your military attack her ship in the first place?"
Even before the older man could form a reply, Sisko was already speaking up again, his cool and piercing voice reverberating in the silence that had descended on the bridge. "You knew about Telac's plans to destroy the wormhole, didn't you?"
He could hear Kira gasp for air but ignored her. His attention was solely focused on the man's furious image hovering on the viewscreen in front of them.
Obviously speechless, it took some seconds for Hradly to answer. "I don't know what you are talking about, Captain," he said tersely, glowering at them with an expression of open indignation.
"Then I'll help you remember, Mr. Hradly." Sisko's voice was icy as he rose from his chair and stepped farther toward the screen. "Some time ago, we had a short conversation about a missing crewman - Dr. Bashir, if you recall his name. Well, how should I say; we've found him. Alive. Kidnapped by Telac, one of your scientists who was planning to destroy the passage to the Alpha Quadrant…" He let the rest of the sentence taper off, though the effect on Mr. Hradly remained the same.
The older man turned pale, even more speechless than before, his mind obviously pondering how far he could believe what Sisko was telling him - pondering how much Sisko might actually know. Hradly knew about the whole affair. It was hard not to notice how his mind was frantically working to keep the damage to a minimum, now that Sisko and the Federation had obviously got wind of Telac's undertaking.
"I just want you to know that you won't get away with it. Starfleet will conduct an official inquiry, and they will conclude that Felan III was planning an act of aggression against the United Federation of Planets. I don't think you or your government can imagine the consequences your actions will have."
Hradly was struggling for words, though he tried to keep up his facade the best he could.
"You haven't got any proof, Captain. How can you know for sure that Mr. Telac didn't act on his own? I can assure you that the central authority was never informed of his plans. Destroying the wormhole," Hradly laughed out loud, as if to underline the ridiculousness of such a venture, then became serious again. "You don't seriously think our government would have given their consent to such a ridiculous undertaking. But of course, we'll start an official inquiry on the subject. If there was any plan for a terrorist attack, I promise, we'll do everything in our power to expose the truth."
"That's the least you can do. But what about Telac? I want him in custody until a Federation council can deal with the whole affair. I expect you to take every measure necessary to ensure that neither Telac nor one of his companions will evade the consequences of their actions."
At least now, Hradly seemed to regain some former confidence as he nodded grimly. "As you wish, Captain."
"There is a secret subterranean tunnel system near the city of Velurin…" Sisko started, but let the sentence taper off for he almost knew for sure that Hradly already had all the information he needed to comply with his orders.
"I see," the older man nodded briefly, then turned to another person outside the camera view, obviously giving orders to some personnel not displayed on the viewscreen. "I promise to see to it that Mr. Telac is held liable for his actions. We'll get in touch with you as soon as we have any news."
Sisko placed his hands on his hips, his expression absolutely blank. "I'll be waiting for the results then. The Defiant will stay in orbit until further details are known."
With a short nod, Mr. Hradly's image suddenly vanished, leaving behind a blank, black screen.
"He's lying."
When Sisko turned around to face the young Trill, she was still staring at the screen where Hradly's image had been displayed only moments before. She seemed tired and resigned.
"I know, Old Man," he said with a heavy sigh, a sudden wave of exhaustion washing over him, "but there is nothing we can do about it right now. Mr. Hradly, as well as the central authority of Felan III, won't be so shortsighted as to ignore what possible charges by Starfleet will do to them. They'll most likely try to play it down, make Starfleet believe that Telac acted on his own. In the end, Starfleet will probably clear the central authority of Felan III of charges and everything will seem like the work of a single mad and patriotic scientist."
He saw Dax' undisguised anger and knew exactly how she felt in the face of such political intrigue.
"But we still have evidence of what happened," the young Trill held.
The captain nodded. "I'll immediately contact Starfleet Command. Perhaps we still have a chance to get the right ones to court. At least we have Hradly's word that he'll take care of Telac. But for everything else, we can only wait."
"What happened?"
Kira moved to stand next to the captain, still confused about what she had just witnessed.
"It's a long story, Major, but I'll tell you everything later. Dax," he addressed the young Trill again. "Can you get a proper transporter lock on him?"
He didn't even have to mention Julian's name. When he recalled the last moment he'd seen Julian, Sisko couldn't help feeling guilty for having left Bashir on the planet. But he hadn't had any time to go and search for the panicking young man. The situation had required his immediate attention.
However, having forgotten about Julian - even the short time it had been - made him feel a painful stab of guilt.
"If we order the main power of the whole complex shut down, I'll most likely be able to beam him out…" Dax suggested, already issuing the required request. But then she suddenly hesitated.
"But... I don't think that's a good idea, Benjamin. He's already traumatized and if we get him off like this in his present condition… " She didn't even need to finish the sentence. Sisko knew that she was right.
"Do you think you can handle him?"
Reluctantly, the young Trill nodded. "I think it's best to keep the away team to a minimum. With your permission, I'd like to take John along. He knows Julian and he'll perhaps be able to help."
She didn't even need to mention the other thing either - and Sisko was glad for it. No, he wouldn't go along. Still worrying what variable he himself had held in Telac's equation, Sisko felt a shiver run down his spine, though he tried not to let it show in front of his crew. He had seen how distraught Bashir had reacted every time he had been confronted with Sisko. In his present condition, going along and accompanying the away team would just make things worse, even if he was worried about his crewman's well-being more than anyone else. He would deal with the affair, and Julian, later - on the station, when this here was over...
Turning again to face the young Trill, he sighed. "Then good luck. Bring him back home, Old Man."
The deeper they ventured into the maze of tunnels and intersections, the more the destruction deep below the surface became visible. Entire sections of the ceiling had caved in, but by mere luck, nobody had been seriously injured. Electricity was down, and even with the emergency lights still on, it was hard to discern the many sharp obstacles scattered across the dark floors.
The atmosphere was oppressive.
Slowly venturing into the twilight of dust and the dull glow of emergency lighting, she let her meager light, originating from the beacon strapped around her wrist, float over the uneven ground. She felt anxious, not at all sure what to expect. Deciding to keep her hopes to a minimum, she let out a silent breath.
"Here it is."
When she looked back over her shoulder, she saw John's familiar figure a few feet behind her. He had come to a halt and flung open his tricorder, intently scanning the environment once more. The many yellow and red lights blinked in regular intervals. Cautiously avoiding the rubble on the floor, she went back to him and suspiciously eyed the door in front of them.
"There's one life sign in there," John whispered.
She didn't know why he would whisper, but somehow it just seemed appropriate. The whole atmosphere deep down in the deserted and damaged tunnels of Telac's territory was depressing. She took a deep breath and directed her beacon in front of them, revealing a closed metal door.
"With the main power down, we'll have a difficult time getting the door open," the young Trill broke the silence.
It had been some time since she had last seen him…
"Then we'll try to move it manually. Let's go," John sighed, pocketing the tricorder. Trying with all his power to drag the door open, he realized that it was easier said than done. Only with Jadzia's help did they manage to pull it open far enough for them to squeeze through the slender gap.
Some kind of storage room, she thought, casting her light over the many racks and cabinets that were lining the wall to her right. In this place, too, some parts of the ceiling had come down, though the destruction was far less severe than in the corridors they had walked through earlier.
"Julian?" Her voice was subdued, but it still echoed considerably. Letting her beacon glide across the floor, she stepped farther into the room.
No answer.
"Julian, it's us. Jadzia and John."
He had to be somewhere in here. She had seen the bio reading. As far as she could see, there was no other entry to the small storage room, so he couldn't be far. When her light suddenly hit his leg, her heart skipped a beat. They had finally found him. As she let her beacon wander up his left side, the familiar black Starfleet uniform came into view.
"Julian?" she tried again, slowly venturing closer.
He was sitting with his back against the wall. He didn't move. His uniform was covered in dust, and for a short moment, she feared he might have been injured when he'd run away earlier. But when she was close enough to see his face, she noticed with a sigh of relief that he seemed to be okay. No blood or other obvious wounds.
"Julian, we've been searching for you."
Her words came out awkwardly, and she worried that perhaps they didn't sound as sincere as she meant them, but she tried to ignore her uneasiness and cautiously knelt down next to the young man. She kept the beacon pointed at the wall behind him, giving them enough light to see in the dark without blinding Julian.
As far as she could see in the meager light, he was sitting huddled up against the wall, his knees drawn up, and his hands clutching something against his chest she couldn't make out. He still didn't move, as if unaware of their presence. If it weren't for the barely noticeable rise of his shoulders, nothing would have told her that he was still alive…
Muffled footsteps behind her told her that John had come to her side. He was easing himself down next to her, his face a worried grimace as he got a closer look at Julian.
"Julian, can you hear me?" John's words were warm and gentle. He laid a reassuring hand on Bashir's leg, though the young man suddenly winced as if having been slapped.
"Leave... leave me alone," Julian pleaded in a slurred voice, still not lifting his gaze or meeting their eyes. With a start, she realized that he was crying. Jadzia could see tears running down his ashen cheeks.
"Julian, look at me, it's me, John." The young engineer's voice grew urgent.
"No… leave me alone… leave me alone…" Bashir sobbed feebly, repeating the same words over and over as he shook his head in short staccato movements. He looked so shaken, so lost.
"Julian, we're here to help you. Please, look at me," John tried again, knowing that he had to make Julian realize where he was and who they were. After all, Julian now had his memory back, and John was anything but sure if the young man was capable of handling it. He was apparently still in shock from what had happened only an hour ago. John couldn't blame Julian for his mental breakdown. If he had been in his place, if it had been he who had suffered the young doctor's fate and had now been forced to relive the whole nightmare of his ordeal – well, he couldn't say for sure that he would have been still there to have a conversation with in the first place…
"I… killed Sisko… and Jadzia… and the girl… and Miles..." Julian's head dropped weakly further down to his chest. "I… killed them," he choked, still more tears running down his cheeks.
Not sure what he was talking about, Jadzia decided to chalk it up to the enormous mental stress he had suffered. He had been tortured, after all. It was hard to make an accurate assessment of his present mental condition, but it was very likely that he was hallucinating or imagining things - confusing reality. She didn't know what Julian meant by having killed them, but they had enough time to learn later - as soon as they were back on board the Defiant and she saw to it that he got proper medical attention.
"But I'm here, Julian. You didn't kill me. I'm here, you see?" she offered sympathetically.
He wouldn't listen.
"Please… don't hurt me…" he pleaded again, his trembling, distressed voice almost tearing her heart apart. Never before had she seen him so distraught, so vulnerable - so hurt and pained. He desperately clutched that thing in his hand to his chest, and suddenly she realized what it was, and the realization sent a cold shiver down her spine. She had experienced too much in her seven lifetimes not to know that her next action was decisive.
She once again urged Julian to look at her, her voice now gentle but firm.
"Julian, give me the phaser. It's okay now, you're safe." Not waiting for an answer, she slowly reached for the weapon.
Her hand didn't even make it near his knees when Julian abruptly jerked up his head, pure horror sparking in his eyes. "NO!"
Not wanting - and not willing - to lose him any further, she tried to soothe him once more: "He's gone. Telac is gone. You're safe, Julian. He'll never touch you again, I promise. We're here to bring you home."
Bashir looked at her, his eyes clouded with tears, the look on his pale face so wistful yet filled with terrified awareness. "I can't go back…" he finally managed under his breath.
He really wanted to go back. Back to his old life. Back to warmth and security. Back to his friends. How he had longed for this day to come. How he had wanted to go home, to leave everything behind, to leave fear, darkness, and despair… But he just couldn't. Not after what he had done. All those hopes and dreams had once belonged to Julian Bashir - the righteous man, the passionate doctor, who had died along with everyone else on that fateful day. They weren't his hopes any longer. Nor were they his dreams. He would never be able to go back…
"I murdered Sisko, Dax, O'Brien, and the girl. It was real! I'd have done anything he'd asked me to," Julian mumbled. He didn't want to remember that moment. He had tried to forget...
Not willing to lose him, Dax tried once again to reach for the phaser. "That's not true, Julian. I'm still alive. And so are Captain Sisko and Chief O'Brien. We're still alive. You didn't kill anybody. If you just let me show you. Please let me show you the truth, Julian."
And even while she spoke those words, she slowly started to understand. Why he was talking about having killed them, why he would rather commit suicide than let himself be brought back home. She knew it wasn't true, that none of them had been really harmed, and she knew that even O'Brien was still alive, no matter what it may have looked like in the other room.
She knew. But obviously Julian didn't.
He really seemed to believe in what he was saying, almost breaking under the memory of having committed murder. She couldn't even imagine what perverse little game Telac must have played with him, how he had managed to manipulate Julian's sense of reality and turn his own will against him. She had to tell him the truth, make him see that all he had experienced was not reality but a perverse nightmare created by Telac. She had to stop him before he turned yet another nightmare into reality.
Gently, she put one hand on his shoulder, at the same time reaching for the weapon.
"Don't touch me!"
His sudden yell startled her. Another second later, Julian had jerked away, rolling over to the other side, away from her, trying to get up. It all happened so fast.
The next thing she knew, he staggered to his feet, though he didn't make it far. Within a second, John was there, grabbing him from behind. With a quick motion, he brought Bashir's arms behind his back, trying to hold his friend where he was. But Julian put up a fight with a power he shouldn't have possessed in his present condition.
"Jadzia!"
The young Trill knew what to do. She quickly grabbed the weapon, yanking hard - just in time. The bright yellow streak shot through the dimness with an ugly hiss, burning a black hole in the opposite wall. Startled but fully aware, she somehow managed to tear the weapon from his desperate grip before he got another chance to fire. She was shocked that he'd actually set it to kill...
"Julian!"
He still tried to fight off John and didn't react to her calls. Julian's leg violently connected with the young engineer's shin, making him curse and stumble - and with Julian flailing ever so wildly, the young engineer finally lost his footing, tumbled backward, and involuntarily dragged Bashir with him to the ground. The sudden impact knocked the air out of John's lungs, making him reflexively let go of Julian's arms as he gasped for air. Bashir didn't hesitate a single moment and frantically rolled over to the side, crawling on all fours even farther away until he was too far for John to reach.
Not able to tear his gaze from the blond engineer, Julian once more tried to climb to his feet - though this time, he didn't make it up. Jadzia was already there, pushing him back down by his shoulders, the two of them tumbling to the ground, and with one quick motion, the Trill was straddling him, her arms pinning his wrist to the ground above his head.
"Let me go!" Julian screamed frantically.
"Julian! It's okay! I won't hurt you, it's over! Please, we just want to help you."
Writhing and squirming, Bashir dredged up every shred of strength he could still muster in a last desperate attempt to free himself. No matter how weakened his condition was, Jadzia was barely able to keep him in check. She knew that she wouldn't be able to hold him down much longer. He was vigorously fighting her, utterly beyond reason.
"Let me go! Let me go!"
He desperately tried to pull his hands free, writhing against the weight of her body that was pinning him to the ground. He even managed to get one arm free - oddly enough, it was his wounded one, though Bashir didn't seem to care in that very moment, lashing out at her with all his strength. His fingers didn't even brush her skin when she had already caught his arm in mid-strike.
"Julian! It's me, Jadzia!"
Throwing his head from one side to the other, the young man still wouldn't listen.
She scolded herself for having been so shortsighted as not to bring a med kit along. She didn't want to hurt him, though she didn't know how to make him calm down in his present condition either. If she had just brought along some sort of sedative…
When John finally came to support, he helped push Julian down as he didn't know what else to do.
"Julian! Julian! You're safe, we won't hurt you!" the young engineer tried to get through to Bashir, though in vain.
"Let me go!" Julian screamed, his voice finally cracking. His face contorted painfully as he summoned his last strength to fight against their overwhelming power.
"You're safe, Julian!"
"No!"
"Julian!"
"Let me go!" he yelled, gasping involuntarily for air when a barely suppressed sob suddenly escaped his sore throat. "Let me go!… let me… let me…"
The last words came tumbling out barely audible. His voice grew all at once feeble and weak, the heated fire in his body rapidly vanishing until his resistance was finally gone. He must have realized - even through his clouded mind - that he stood no chance of overcoming them or freeing himself. His face drawn into a grimace of pain and fear, he was still trying to pull his wrists free, though the futile attempts were nothing more than helpless suffering in the face of defeat. His head lolled to one side, his eyes shut tightly against his utter helplessness.
It was in that instant that she realized he was crying again. Not facing them and with his eyes shut against the reality he had so desperately tried to run from, he was quietly sobbing with despair and torment, making her involuntarily release her firm grip around his wrists. Even John pulled back a few inches, perplexed at the sudden change in the young man's demeanor. No longer held back, Julian almost immediately curled up, clutching both arms tightly around his abdomen, audibly gasping for air as his whole body shook with emotions he had too long tried to suppress. He no longer cared that they were there, letting go of all the despair, all the fear and horror he had tried to hold in for too long. Collapsing under the pressure of a world that had been twisted and turned against him.
"Julian…"
Lying against the dusty ground, Bashir couldn't hear her, too drowned in his private misery to take in anything around him any longer. Gently squeezing his shaking shoulders, Dax felt utterly helpless. She didn't know what to do to ease his suffering, to help him through the overwhelming aftermath that was following his ordeal - the memory of which was still clutching at him, dragging him back into the shadowy nightmares of the past three months. The only thing she could do right now was to be there for him. But perhaps that was even more vital to him right now than anything else.
"John, help me…"
Together, they brought him up far enough for Jadzia to lean his body against hers. He didn't even seem to notice. Whispering soothing and consoling words, the young Trill held him in a tight hug as she gently cradled the sobbing young man. She couldn't think of anything else. He seemed so fragile and weak, so helpless and lost in his misery that she couldn't help feeling guilty for not having been there for him before, when he had needed her the most. When he had needed all of them.
Stroking affectionately over his dark hair, she felt tears sting behind her own eyes.
In this moment, she couldn't help but loathe Telac, loathe him with all her heart for what he had done to the young man now lying barely conscious in her arms. She didn't know how Telac had manipulated him, what Julian had gone through, though she knew one thing for sure: Only a few more steps, only a little bit more pushing, and he would have been beyond redemption. She knew it for sure - and it only served to increase the feeling of guilt.
Looking at his weeping shape now, she realized how close they had been to losing him forever…
She wasn't sure how long they sat there in the meager light, John silent but with anxious and worried eyes, Julian crying in her arms until his sobbing gradually subsided. His breathing was too uneven, his pulse too weak to risk leaving him without proper medical attention any longer. He was at the end of his tether.
Still holding his unconscious body, Jadzia turned to the young engineer next to her.
"John, we have to bring him back to the surface."
"Any news?"
Kira interrupted her conversation with Chief O'Brien when she saw the young Trill enter the mess hall. They were sitting at one of the few tables, the place only half-crowded at this time of day. The somber expression on Jadzia's face, however, boded ill. She patiently waited for Dax to settle down. The young Trill let out a short sigh before offering them a faint smile.
"How is he?" the major finally asked, both hands absently around her half-empty coffee mug.
Dax shook her head, her lips pressed into a thin line. "He's well - according to the circumstances. The injuries weren't too serious - a few bruises from the collapsing ceiling apart from his broken arm. I'm no doctor, but I think I handled it quite well. His body had collapsed under the great amount of stress he's suffered, but basically, it's nothing a couple of days in bed won't cure. He's been sleeping ever since we brought him back from the planet, but I think physically he should be up and about in a few days…"
"And mentally?" O'Brien didn't bother to hide his concern.
"I can't say for sure. He's been unconscious ever since. I thought it best to let him sleep until we get back to the station where there's proper medical staff to take over."
O'Brien nodded grimly.
"He'll very likely need counseling," Kira said thoughtfully, "to cope with what he's experienced. I can't say that I can really figure out what it was like for him, but… I only hope we'll get him back."
Jadzia offered a sympathetic but sad smile. She hadn't told them yet what John and she had witnessed back on the planet. She hadn't even had any time to do so. With no further medical personnel on board, she had been one of the few people with medical experience and had thus felt responsible for tending to Julian. And even if there had been any medical staff, she would have felt the same.
"How's the situation up on the bridge?" Dax changed the topic. She hadn't been to the bridge for a while. The last thing she knew was that the central authority - no, Mr. Hradly - had pointed out that he would do some further investigations on the whole issue. It still hurt to think of what they had experienced during those past few weeks as a mere political "issue." Even if it was just another political incident for Starfleet or some plan that went wrong for a government trying to gain greater influence beyond their territory of space, for them, it had been a devastating experience. An experience creating memories none of them would be able to forget any time soon.
"They're investigating," Kira snorted, obviously anything but content with the government's course of action to track down a potential criminal. One that had almost created the dawn of a new era for both quadrants. "Starfleet's sending their own team of investigators. Captain Sisko already spoke to Starfleet Command. At least we can be sure the game's played fair."
"So how did you know?" Dax leaned forward. "I mean, your timing couldn't have been better."
Kira's expression grew all at once absent, as if recalling things she wouldn't be able to share with her friends. Or perhaps she simply wasn't able to put them into the right words. "Faith, I suppose," was all she said.
At the quizzical looks on her friends' faces, she quickly shook her head. "I got worried. I can't say why, but somehow it just didn't feel right. I mean, Captain Sisko's sudden departure, the wormhole's strange behavior - and then there was that nagging feeling in my stomach that just wouldn't go away. It was Odo's advice that made me contact Lieutenant Perris earlier than necessary. When Perris wouldn't answer, I knew that something was definitely wrong."
O'Brien threw a questioning look at her. "Speaking of Lieutenant Perris, what happened to him? Is he okay?"
"He's fine. When the Defiant arrived at Felan III, we only found your abandoned runabout. No sign of Lieutenant Perris or you, though we could at least track you down to the city of Velurin because your transport designation was still saved in the runabout's transport logs. Lieutenant Perris was harder to find, though. Shortly after your abduction, the central authority of Felan III had Perris arrested and put into custody. When we arrived here with the Defiant, they obviously weren't prepared for the encounter. Knowing that Perris was Starfleet and that they wouldn't get rid of us any time soon, they gave Perris back to us and allowed us to salvage the runabout, offering the explanation that Perris had intruded on restricted territory and had therefore been arrested. They demanded that we leave Felan III and its territory immediately, and in return, we would be granted safe passage home."
"You mean, so that you couldn't fret around any further?" O'Brien cut in.
Kira nodded absently. "Of course we knew that something must have happened to you. We couldn't just turn our backs on the place and leave. That was when I started to ask a few more questions. Well, how should I say, the central authority wasn't very thrilled about me meddling in private affairs, so they gave me an ultimatum demanding the Defiant leave Felani space within the hour or otherwise Felan III would regard the Defiant as an enemy threat."
Kira chuckled humorlessly and sighed. "It wasn't that hard to find out about your whereabouts or that you were held there against your will. And once we did, and the central authority wouldn't help get you out of there, not to mention the military cannons of Velurin opening fire on us - well, we tried to do so all the same."
With a slight smile, Jadzia said: "I can't say I'm not glad you did."
Noticing the absent expression on the chief's face, Jadzia suddenly paused. O'Brien had been surprisingly silent for a long time, and even now, he didn't seem to have overheard the last few pieces of their conversation, still staring absent-mindedly into the empty coffee mug he had already drained some minutes ago.
"Just because he's still unconscious doesn't mean you can't go see him," she gave him a thoughtful look, then as if in an afterthought, she added a reassuring smile. "I think he'll be glad to see you're still alive when he wakes up."
Awkwardly, O'Brien nodded. "Aye, Sir." Then he stood up, and with a last unsure look toward Major Kira and Lieutenant Dax, he turned and left the mess hall, obviously more than keen on following Jadzia's advice.
"Do you think it's such a good idea? After all Captain Sisko told me about what happened…" Kira didn't sound very convinced. She had heard of the few things Sisko had been able to tell about Julian's time in captivity - and how Telac had made Julian remember memories he'd long since suppressed. She knew that Julian's hardest times most probably were still lying ahead of him.
"We'll have to begin somewhere. And they are friends," Dax offered.
"Yes, but the question is, are you still friends after you thought you killed your friend?"
When he finally stepped in front of the door leading into the infirmary - and O'Brien couldn't help but recall Julian's indignation about how one could construct a ship with such inadequate medical facilities - he wasn't at all sure if he was ready to face the truth. When he had talked to Dax and Kira, well, he couldn't think of anything he would have rather done than come here immediately, but now… He just wasn't sure if coming here was really such a good idea.
He had seen Julian in that room, and he had barely been able to recognize the once buoyant, passionate young man he had become friends with. Somehow it had even scared him. Julian had been so unpredictable then, so wild and distraught, so… different. He didn't even know if Julian wanted to speak to him in the first place.
Miles, you're friends. Julian needs you. You can't let him down now…
O'Brien could hear his wife's voice, mild and understanding like she always was, but also firm and unyielding - and he was glad for it. Before he could think twice, he entered. Perhaps things might have changed between them, but he wouldn't find out if he didn't at least try.
There was just one other person inside. A security guard stood at the far side of the room, indicating a short and almost subtle nod when he saw O'Brien come in.
"Can I… I mean… May I speak to him alone?" the chief said awkwardly.
"Lieutenant Dax told me to survey his vitals and contact her if there's any medical emergency or if he's waking up…" the young guard answered hesitantly.
"I'll keep an eye on him," O'Brien promised.
With another short nod, the security guard left. It was not until O'Brien heard the familiar hiss of the closing door that he let out a sigh of relief. And for the first time since their last encounter on Felan III, he saw him.
Julian was lying motionless on one of the biobeds.
He hadn't reacted to O'Brien's conversation with the security guard, nor had he shown any sign that he was awake after the security guard had left. He was just lying there, tucked into bed under a light blue blanket. He almost looked like he was fast asleep. His features were relaxed and blank, his face unnaturally pale, though his breathing came even and deep. They had replaced his uniform with dark blue pajamas.
As if he was already dead…
O'Brien pushed the thought away, slowly nearing the biobed and trying to keep as quiet as possible. He didn't want to wake Julian. Swiftly looking for a chair of sorts, he pulled up the one the security guard had used and settled down next to Julian's bed.
He didn't know what to do next, though.
Talking to him would be a good start, Miles.
Mentally he thanked Keiko for her mindfulness. He should tell her that. As soon as they made it back to the station.
"Hello, Julian. This is me, Miles."
The words came out awkwardly, sounding a bit odd in the silence that filled the infirmary. But you don't often get into such situations. Of course it sounds odd, but that's the problem if you're talking to someone and you don't even know if he can hear you.
"Well, I just wanted to see you… those last three months were… pretty strange without you."
He took a long breath and finally continued. "I mean, nothing special happened on the station - except for the ordinary everyday chaos - and," chuckling humorously he shook his head, "Quark had his bar evacuated with an epidemic warning by some youths who were just playing a trick on somebody."
Then he became serious. "It's good to have you back, Julian. I missed you and I'm sure I'm speaking for all of your comrades. DS9 just wasn't the same without you. When word came from Starfleet that your shuttle was missing, we didn't believe it at first. And even when Starfleet took action to find out what happened, Captain Sisko didn't want to believe you were really dead - because that was what they concluded. They weren't able to find any emissions, any warp signatures corresponding with your shuttlecraft so Starfleet concluded that your shuttle must have been destroyed."
Pausing, O'Brien realized that it wasn't even as hard as he had imagined. He did have things he wanted to tell Julian, even if they weren't pleasant ones.
"But the truth is, we'd given up on you. The longer you were missing, the more everyone thought that Starfleet was right, that you really were dead," he said in a sad tone, and absently shook his head.
"I'm sorry, Julian. For having given up on you. It was so easy for us back on the station. Just one stupid report from Starfleet and we gave up hope. We should have held on. I should have held on. I can hardly imagine what it was like for you to endure what Telac did to you. And during all that time you hoped for us to come for you. And we gave up hope. I'm sorry Julian. If we had found out earlier, you would have been spared the ordeal…"
"Stop it…"
O'Brien's head came up. He was not sure he had heard right. It had sounded like a very weak voice. Julian's voice.
Bending over his sleeping body, he frowned. "Julian, you're awake?"
The young man still didn't give any sign that he had actually heard, though O'Brien thought that he could see a tear glistening on his cheek.
"I can't bear hearing you apologize…"
Julian's voice was very quiet, barely understandable, but yet it was there. He now had O'Brien's full attention.
"You're really awake! I thought you'd never wake up again!"
The young man still kept his eyes closed, his body unmoving.
"Wouldn't have mattered," Julian mumbled.
"Of course it would! We thought you were dead. But you're not. You're here, with us!"
No answer.
"Dax has been sick with worry. And Captain Sisko…"
Julian's eyes flew open at once, bewilderment shining from his eyes. "He's here?"
Startled by the sudden reaction, O'Brien recalled what had happened in Telac's lab - how Telac had ordered Julian to kill his commanding officer. He couldn't help but wonder what exactly had happened to the young man during those last three months in captivity. What else Telac had done to him. How much pain Julian had suffered...
"He's… on the bridge, talking to some bureaucrats of Felan III," O'Brien explained, not sure how to respond.
He wasn't sure if it was just his imagination, but Julian seemed somehow to relax at his words. Still, he didn't move his head, still staring motionless toward the ceiling - and with a short sigh, he closed his eyes again.
"I'd be glad if you could leave me alone, Chief…" Julian whispered tiredly.
The silence following was stifling - until O'Brien spoke up again.
"What's it all about you and Captain Sisko, Julian?"
The question caught the young man off guard, O'Brien could see it. His eyes flew open again, a pained expression crossing his face.
"I don't want to talk about it," Julian said with a heavy tint of disdain in his voice. O'Brien was not sure if the young man's sudden anger was meant for him or if it was directed at Julian himself. He suddenly ran both hands over his face. Just for a split second, O'Brien thought he had seen a few short tears brim in his eyes, but Julian had already wiped them away.
O'Brien couldn't blame him.
Remembering what had happened only a few hours ago, it was amazing that Julian was even able to have any reasonable conversation with him in the first place. He had been so distraught back then, so utterly at Telac's mercy… Julian's sudden calmness was startling. It didn't seem appropriate. Not after what he had gone through. O'Brien knew very well that he was no counselor - but still, he had to try and make Julian talk. There were still so many things he didn't know, so many pieces of the puzzle missing.
He had seen Julian's bewilderment and panic when Sisko had first tried to make him remember his past life. And he had witnessed the sheer terror in the young man's eyes when Telac had ordered him to kill Sisko. Well, it wasn't so difficult to put one and one together. Something must have happened to Julian during his stay in Velurin, something involving Captain Sisko. Something so terrifying and traumatic that Julian was now refusing to tell anyone.
"What did Telac do to you, Julian? What are you so afraid of?" O'Brien ventured softly.
For another moment, neither of them spoke.
"Telac didn't do anything," Julian whispered under his breath, at the same time telling him that he was probably right.
"What… I mean, what happened?" O'Brien shook his head. Whatever happened, it hadn't been Julian's fault. Having encountered that maniac of a man, he knew for sure that Julian would have never helped him. He knew his friend. He would have never willingly helped Telac. So whatever happened, it surely wasn't Julian's fault.
"It's not important, is it?"
"It surely is."
Julian hesitated, apparently struggling internally. There was profound anguish in his eyes. He was visibly trying to hold himself together, to maintain his indifference - but in vain.
"I killed Sisko," he finally brought forth, his voice strained as if he was struggling to keep it steady.
"But Julian, the captain's alive. He's on the bridge, working to take Telac and the central authority to court," O'Brien said, confused.
"Stop telling me it wasn't real. Jadzia already tried to. Even John. It was real. For me, it was damn real. I killed him. I killed my commanding officer because some warped maniac told me to. You weren't there; you can't even imagine what it was like," the young man spat out.
Julian was trembling, covering his face with his hands.
"I didn't have any choice," he mumbled. "Telac told me to kill Sisko, or he would keep killing innocent people until I finally did what he said. He killed Jadzia and the girl. He would have committed so much more murder if I hadn't obeyed. There was no choice left. I just wanted it to stop. I just wanted those people to be safe."
Trying to keep up with Julian's confession, O'Brien wondered what exactly he was talking about, for neither Sisko, Dax, nor he had been hurt during their stay on Felan III. It was Julian's battered demeanor that told him the young man truly believed what he was saying, that Telac must have somehow warped his sense of reality. Perhaps those other people Julian was referring to had been holographic. He wasn't sure. But looking at Julian's miserable form, he knew that Julian had once believed them to be real.
"So… you did what he told you?" O'Brien asked carefully.
Julian shook his head. He looked so lost in that moment. "I just wanted it to stop. I can barely believe that I actually did what he said. It's so disgusting. I'd never have thought I could do anything like that… I'm disgusted with myself, Miles. I killed an innocent man."
"No, Julian, you didn't," O'Brien objected vigorously. It was almost as if Julian was still in Telac's grip, poisoned by his words. It was ridiculous for Julian to blame himself for having made the only choice he had been left with.
"Listen to me, you had no other choice. Telac did this to you. He is to blame, not you, Julian. If anyone is responsible for Captain Sisko's death, it would have been Telac. You didn't voluntarily agree to it. You were forced to. As you told me, there was just one possible choice: save as many lives as you could. And you did."
Not reacting to the chief's words, Julian kept staring at the ceiling.
"I had been a doctor, Miles. I had sworn an oath, an oath to protect life," his voice nearly broke. "I betrayed everything I once believed in."
"But what about the wormhole? You refused to help Telac, no matter how much he tried to force you to cooperate. You saved us, Julian. If Telac had completed his bomb in time…" he let that trail off, knowing Julian must be aware that he saved a whole race from extinction - not to mention preserving the passage between the Alpha and Gamma Quadrants.
"Sooner or later, he would have learned. If the Defiant hadn't come in time…" Julian turned to the other side, as if to turn his back on the terrifying reality.
"I'd be glad if you'd leave me alone, Chief."
Already about to protest, O'Brien realized that no matter what he said, Julian wouldn't listen to him. Too deep were his inner wounds, too deeply was he traumatized by the last months. And gradually he realized that one part of Julian had been destroyed in the process.
He'd lost his self-respect; he had given up on himself.
No matter how much he tried to make Julian realize that no one would blame him for having broken under Telac's pressure, the young man wouldn't listen because he just couldn't forgive himself. Nodding reluctantly, O'Brien slowly drew himself up. Before he left, he stopped once more and turned around.
"I… won't tell them you're awake. We won't reach the station for about eight hours…"
He knew he wouldn't get any answer, so he let out a short sigh and finally left the room.
With closed eyes, he tried to glide back into the all-encompassing familiar darkness, though sleep wouldn't come.
It was his thoughts that kept pulling him back to the surface of sleep, making it impossible for him to leave reality behind.
He didn't know how much time had passed since O'Brien's visit. After the chief had gone, a tall, burly young security guard had appeared and taken position at the far side of the room. However, he obviously wasn't aware that Julian was awake, and Julian didn't intend to let him know. Even if he felt like his chest was on fire, like his whole body would explode from within, he kept still and unmoving.
He'd been in much worse situations after all.
He would wait. If it hadn't been for the guard, he would have walked over and grabbed the hypo immediately, but with security watching him, it just wasn't worth the trouble.
At least he wasn't hurt, not crouching on the ground, half-conscious from torture and hunger. The sheets were clean, the biobed soft and pleasant - God, he had never noticed how comfortable biobeds could be - and the air was fresh and warm. But still, his body ached with a pain he knew all too well.
What if this was just another illusion? One of Telac's perverse little games to dash yet another rebuilt hope?
He couldn't be sure that this was real, that he was not hallucinating or dreaming, or a puppet in Telac's game. But somehow it didn't even matter. As long as they just left him alone. As long as he had the chance to finally do what he had wanted to do ever since life had become a nightmare.
A never-ending nightmare.
A nightmare he couldn't wake up from.
It didn't matter that they had found him. It didn't matter that he was going home. Even if it hadn't been real for them, it had been for him. He knew what he was capable of; he knew what a monster he could become.
There was just one option left. He'd just have to wait for the right time.