Chapter 18
'You!' she fumes at Ronald, her finger rigidly pointing at him while her mind only truly wishes to turn him into a marshmallow and set him alight immediately after – he has no idea just how infuriated she is with him.
Or maybe he does, since he stops in his tracks, causing Harry to do the same as he lets out a sheepish, 'Hi, Hermione.'
Hi, Hermione her foot!
'You left!' she harshly throws at him in response.
That's not nearly as much of a blow as she wants him to feel, to be honest. He deserves much more than just angry words, which is why she angrily stomps over to him and shoves him away with all of her might. He staggers back nicely, his near fall satisfying her fury a little bit, but still, it isn't enough. The burning rage still inside of her, leads her to take a step forwards and shove him again. This time, though, Harry steps in between them, taking the impactful brunt of her shove and falls back into Ron, who apparently saw everything happening and prepared himself to catch his friend, does so, righting them quickly, though still keeps his post behind Harry.
Idiot coward! He should have the nerve to face her just like he had the nerve to leave them!
'Geez, you didn't have to push me!' Harry complains, vigorously rubbing the back of his head.
Her eyes cut to him only for a fraction, to see his face, silently acknowledge the harm that her thoughtlessness caused him and then apologise with, 'I wasn't going to push you!' before she's back to glaring at Ronald.
'I know,' he agrees, 'but before you do anything, know that Ron saved me. I was drowning and he showed up to save me!'
Hearing that, she looks around Harry to the one hiding behind him and then back at Harry. That's nice, but he still left – that's what she's angry with him for.
'Please, Hermione,' Harry tries to get her to see reason like he knows what she's thinking. 'He came back.'
That isn't the point, she wants to shout to Harry's pleading face.
Ronald could've arrived when she was being tortured for fun, jumping in and defeating all those who were torturing her, and still, would've punched him for leaving in the first place. Although, as adamant as she is in having this portion of vengeance, Harry's plea is something to consider. That's the thing about Harry, really, how easily he's able to forgive a big and continuous wrong, when one redeeming right is done. She's certainly not that flexible, as much as she admires that about him. It's especially hard to look at Ronald with kind eyes after stupidly allowing her anger for him to drag her away from Severus.
Oh, Severus.
She really left him just like that, and for what?
Again, she looks around to Ron and seeing him, her heart drops fast only to be caught in frustration's tight grip.
'Stupid!' she lets out, slapping her forehead and whipping her back to where she came from, expecting to see his bright light shining where she left him.
'Please forgive him,' Harry pleads enough to call her attention back to him and catch him spreading his arms as if protecting Ron behind him.
Ugh, who cares about Ronald now? Harry doesn't know anything. Right now, she only dislikes both of them; Harry for bringing Ron around sooner than she could finish with Severus, and Ron for making her more emotional than she was supposed to be.
'I'm sorry that I left, Hermione,' Ron apologises at last, actually stepping out from behind Harry. 'I was a prat to leave. Here, you can hit me,' he offers himself up, but she moves away from his reach.
She doesn't care about Ronald anymore, she only just wants to cry for letting Severus get away from her. She also just wants to be far away from them for now.
'It's fine,' she swallows, taking another step back and feeling tears prick her eyes. 'I'm going to bed,' she excuses, turning just in time to save her tears from their eyes as the first of them falls out.
Severus...
After so long, she didn't even speak to him properly and that's all her fault.
First, she'd been too surprised to see him, not registering him properly, and then her tired mind couldn't catch up with her body enough to even hug him, and lastly, she let him get away. He'd told her to wait, suggesting that she would speak to Ron later, but so caught up, she wouldn't listen. Now he is gone. Behind her, she hears Ron tell Harry that he'd prepared a whole apology for her and now she won't listen to it, but that doesn't stop her. Ronald can do whatever he likes – he left them in the to begin with, so he'll have to excuse her if she doesn't care much about anything that he has to say now. Besides, she'd rather beat herself up over Severus than argue with Ronald.
26Chapters
Their very first Horcrux is destroyed - that sure feels good to think about.
After all the trouble that they went through to find it, successfully retrieve it from Umbridge and then finally destroy it, she's quite happy to sit here this morning, knowing that they've fully accomplished their first monumental task.
They really got rid of a piece of the Dark Lord's soul without using an Unforgivable – wow!
She smiles to herself over her metal mug of morning tea, leisurely breathing in the fresh air, and positively in good spirits at how far they've come.
It started with them fighting a troll in the girls' bathroom, to them actually killing a piece of the Dark Lord's soul. In between, they did their share of interrupting the Dark Lord's plans, though nothing compares to this final result, this big achievement...
Wow, on top of having an older man who used to be her teacher as her boyfriend, she's really done this, hasn't she? Long before she left her parents' home for the Burrow, she drilled it into her understanding that her life would never be the same again, but to really see it happening? All the plans that they made, the close shavings that they've had, they've resulted to this, and it couldn't be more gratifying for her, like the O result to an exam well prepared for.
Again, she smiles, lowering her lips to the cup, but where she should take a sip, she inhales the mild scent, closing her eyes to savour it. Just then, Ron's voice breaks through her moment, making her open her eyes.
'May I sit with you?'
'Sit,' she calmly invites without looking at him, even hearing that he's standing a good distance away from her.
Nothing, not even Ronald can dampen her mood this morning. As she hears him shuffle to her, his moves audibly hesitant, she very nearly turns to tell him that she no longer carries last night's fury. With a clear mind, and that in light of their victory last night, she really doesn't think it important to keep up with that emotion. Besides, him planting himself on the ground next to her and pulling up his knees, does something to her.
'Morning,' she offers, looking his way and following it with a faint smile – she really has no intention of fighting with him today.
'I'm really sorry, Hermione,' he begins sincerely. 'I made the worst mistake by leaving and I'm sorry.'
'Yeah,' she brushes it off with a shrug, because from where she sits, it really doesn't matter anymore.
In the end, he came back. She knows that him returning doesn't change the fact that he wasn't here with them for a portion of time, but fairly, his help with destroying the Horcrux more than makes up for his absence. Also, she considered this last night, what's it going to help if she keeps being angry with him?
'Thanks for the tea,' he steers the conversation, sounding unsure of what precisely he should say. 'I was going to make this morning's breakfast, to you know, make up for being a prat. I brought some things and all, but we stayed up talking too late last night and –'
'It's fine, Ron,' she dismisses, taking a gulp of her tea and then looks out in front of them.
A silence, both short and long, follows that, allowing her ample room to immerse back into her jubilation thoughts, yet it's so short a period that she feels to empty her mug of tea in no time at all. Suddenly, without her tea, she's... She doesn't know how to express it really, so she looks at Ron beside her and he tentatively smiles at her. He does that to maybe show his relief at their return to normalcy, but to her, his smile highlights only his face, which apparently is not her preferred face to see.
Red, not black hair. Fairly normal, not distinct features. Blue, not extremely dark eyes. Wide, not narrow teeth. Ronald Weasley, not Severus Snape. Her friend, not her – She'd rather see someone else sitting with her, because recently, the only other time that she was truly happy or not focused on evil and thinking about how to defeat it, she was with that someone else.
She wants Severus.
Severus should be the on interested in being where she is and…
'Ron?'
'Yeah?' he quickly answers, apparently very willing to hear her, even following her with his eyes as she gets up and begins to dust herself off.
'Will you tell Harry that I've gone? I'll be back.'
They need to start thinking about the next Horcrux, she knows, but she can't help it, she just wants to see Severus now. If there's one thing that Ron's done right this morning, is make her see that she'd rather be happy by someone else's side.
'Where are you going?'
'Hogsmeade,' she says, deciding not to lie.
A lie could be bad in the case that something happens to her, although really, she isn't in the mood to tell a lie that she might not be able to master properly.
'What for?'
She'll hug him first. She promises, as soon as he comes in through the door, she run to him and hug him close. She won't let him go until his runs his hand up and down her back, touching her like he couldn't ever stop. And afterwards, she'll apologise for making the mistake of leaving him.
That's what for, but to him, she drops a vague, 'Something. Don't worry, I'll be back,' as she darts back into the tent to collect her things.
She'll be back; maybe instantly, maybe in a little while, maybe later tonight, she doesn't know, it all depends on his availability and readiness to see her. He might even be able to see her, but that's a risk that she's willing to take.
26Chapters
Behind the specific tree where she lands, she quickly makes work of disguising herself with a charm, though still unsure thay she will get to see him. She needs the disguise anyway, at least to safely get her inside the Hogsmeade owlery enough to send a message and then wait for him. It wouldn't be clever of her to walk around the quiet little town neither invisible, nor as herself when she's wanted – any and everyone could be looking out their windows, just waiting to send word to the Dark Lord before she's even made it three steps anywhere.
That's as much inspiration as she needs to perform three charms for her face and body, her voice and her manner of walk. For all her last minute decision-making, she can't appear too stable, neither quite off balance, no. For her disguise to fool those who see it, she must appear somewhere in between, where she won't attract too much attention. Doing just that, she starts away from the tree, soon entering the mailing room and in a matter of mere minutes, she's paying the fare to use an owl.
Her chosen owl easily accepts her well-worded letter, thankfully not lingering longer past the words Headmaster Snape before taking off and away in the castle's direction. Though her eyes following its flight won't do anything to get the letter to him faster, she refuses to look away until the dot of its image completely disappears from the sky, leaving her with no other choice than to pull out a small book and busy herself with it through the wait.
Hmm, waiting for him is all she does really.
But at least he always shows up, so she will wait.
Two pages of reading later, a warm feeling creeps up on her, slowly spreading around her, and intrigued, she looks around for the cause. Her feels to still with apprehension as her eyes wander from one side of the bare room to the other, finding no specific reason for the warmth surrounding her. She decides then to mark her book with her finger in favour of getting onto her feet to take a proper look around and no sooner than she's firmly on her feet, does she realise what she didn't immediately catch from the moment that it first happened. Equipped with this new information, however, she quickly rotates to face the fireplace, finding exactly who she thought she would find there.
'I'll remove it,' she hurriedly begins to explain to his stony expression, pointing her free finger at her face and hoping to goodness that he won't refuse to see her looking like this, 'but I can't do it in the open.'
He's made it very clear that he never wants to see her as someone else again, and she understand that, but please, he must at least understand that she had no other choice. She wouldn't hide herself from him if she didn't have to, he should know that.
'My office,' he simply says before turning and leading her to the fireplace.
At the fireplace, he takes a handful of powder, a clear sign that he already has a standing agreement with the owner of the place, stepping in and utters the words, 'Headmaster's office,' while looking her in the eyes and soon disappearing in green flames. With haste, she follows him, stowing her book into her small bag and setting her destination to the same as his, even as she considers it news that the floo could be taken to the headmaster's office. When she reaches a stop, as the flames clear away for her, she looks out ahead for him in place of stepping out.
He's there, standing firm and waiting for her only two steps from his fireplace, and to the satisfaction of her need for safety assurance, she brings out her wand to correct everything about herself in one wave. Still, having returned to herself, she doesn't step out of the fireplace until seeing her real face right then, he breaks into a soft smile. It was all she needed, she comes to terms with as his smile influences her to do the same, also pushing her out of the travel space, to putting her arms tightly around him as she presses his body to hers, making up for what she didn't do last night, only for him to push away from her too early.
No, he can't.
She quickly tries to pull him to her, to have that close contact with him and never let go for a while, but her physical attempt is drowned out by his deep gaze, if not more by his hands travel to the part between her neck and jaws, remaining put there. It's like he needs to say so many things to her, but is unable to find a starting point, and so only settles for smiling at her - softly still, like he would burst apart if he smiled morning than turning up the corners of his mouth. Oddly, she understands his position, which is why she fights the urge to rest her forehead on his chest and only look into his eyes.
'You are...' he softly begins, pausing right there, though, rather pressing his mouth to the side of her head.
He shouldn't lie to her, please, he can't mean that she's lovely, not this morning. She hardly took a proper bath this morning. Her being and looking lovely was only true at the wedding, no other time afterwards.
'Did something happen?' he asks after a small moment, never completing what he had begun to say and partly because of that, she eases away from him to look into his eyes.
'No,' she shakes her head. 'I only wanted to see you.'
Gosh, she must be so predicable to him by now. That's all she ever says to him.
'Are you fine? she adds not to repeat the mistake from last night.
'Now I am,' he replies and then drops a small kiss on her temple, surprising her into fluttering all over just like that.
Sometimes, he does small things that play with her heart, turning it into mush. In the beginning of their brewing lessons, she never would have guessed that he could do such small things like that. Just like his telling answer, because though not directly telling her that he'd been in a bad state, she knows how glad he is to see her. The only problem with him telling her that is the reminder of her fault in how they separated last night. She has to try and correct it now.
'I'm sorry about Ron last night,' she tells him, meaning it with all of her heart – that hadn't been her finest thinking hour. 'I was just so angry that I didn't think. I shouldn't have left you.'
Countering her, he shakes his head so lightly that she would have missed it if she wasn't close to him, saying, 'I shouldn't have left.'
But he only left, because she wouldn't listen to him.
'I made you leave,' she reminds him, oddly not hating having to admit her thoughtless fault like that.
It's just as well that she doesn't mind that since she didn't come to quarrel with him. She came to see him only without something important leading her to him. It's the least that she can do to make up for what she did to him, while enjoying time with him outside of everything else. His role as headmaster sounded tiring, and with her constant talk about the Dark Lord and the Horcruxes, she believes that they both could use a little break away from all of that. In that line of thought, she slowly backs away from him, getting her mind used to being out of his arms to look around the office again. Soon, her eyes land on the portraits, lingering more on the one who's always in her bag, who throws up his nose at her, and crosses his arms to turn away from her.
Well, the feeling is mutual, if he's going to behave like that.
What does he think, that she's supposed to hold him inside her hand all of the time? They're not sight-seeing, you know, they're busy and she only needs him for certain information, not everything. She anyway doesn't care all that much about him, to be honest. She never knew him to begin with, so whatever he may think of her is his problem to deal with, not hers. Next, she turns to the last headmaster, Dumbledore, their eyes locking just then, and it's interesting that he fails to offer her a smile. More than interesting, it actually gives her the idea to suddenly search for Severus' hand and clasp it within hers.
Dumbledore can suck it, now.
For how he tried to keep Severus away from her, he should see how useless his efforts and refusal to be forthcoming was. He should see how they made it into each other's lives despite him not wanting it for them; he should have that waved in his face and that is exactly what she intends to do.
'Professor Dumbledore,' she politely says with a smile, inwardly thanking goodness that Severus doesn't protest her leading him along to stand before the portrait. 'Thank you for the book.'
She really is thankful, that's not a lie, though somewhere beneath that, is still the small amount of vindictiveness that he brought out of her. To her satisfaction, he needs to see that she always gets what she needs in the end. Really, she doesn't hate him, especially now that he's dead and left her an interesting book, but in the end, she's still someone who likes to prove to those who doubted her that she can do things better than what was expected of her.
'You are most welcome, Miss Granger,' he answers, offering her a smile this time after his careful shift of view to Severus beside her and then their hands held together. 'I imagined that you never learned of the wizarding tales.'
'I didn't,' she nods. 'It's helped a lot actually. Harry got the sword too, Professor,' she briefly eyes Severus, returning to Dumbledore immediately. 'Thank you for that as well.'
'Certainly, but tell me, Miss Granger, how is Harry?' he wonders, looking over at Severus.
Since he looks at Severus, she does the same, trying to piece the silent communication together, while also wondering just how much about Harry she's allowed to say without betraying Harry's trust.
Although, she does trust Severus, they three of them agreed never to tell anyone what they were up to. Harry didn't want something like what happened to his parents to happen with them, so he made them swear never to tell a soul about it. Severus could help them so much, it's only that she can't do that to Harry. Unless Severus finds out what they're doing by himself, she'll have to be careful with what she says around him concerning her recent discoveries about Harry.
'Don't, for a moment think that I will evacuate my own office to offer the two of you privacy,' Severus cooly says to her, turning to Dumbledore before she can think to respond. 'I will discover what they are doing, Albus.'
'It isn't a matter of trust, Severus,' Dumbledore returns. 'It is more to do with availability and ability.'
'Hmpf!' is all Severus lets out, which for a reason that she cannot find now, makes her want to giggle.
Severus obviously has something against Dumbledore, that much is clear, and she should be taking it personally, but really, she's rather endeared by him having a disagreement with Dumbledore while holding her hand. Dumbledore on the other hand, though sees Severus behaviour, doesn't make any remark against it. He rather presses her to tell him what he wants to know.
'You were saying about Harry, Miss Granger?'
'I think – Professor? Harry… He heard the locket, and ever since, I've been wondering if…' she trails off again, closing her eyes, in the hope that she didn't have to continue.
It's harder to say the words out loud, and that, to someone else who's not inside her head… One thing is to make fine connections insider her mind, like him speaking to snake, seeing inside the Dark Lord's mind and lastly hearing the locket, and another is to admit the conclusion that she hasn't dared to say out loud.
'Go on,' Dumbledore gently encourages which causes her to look at him once again.
'And when he gets angry sometimes…' she recalls, the image of him spiralling with fury so vivid in her mind. 'There's a reason, isn't there, Professor? It's not all a coincidence.'
'You truly are a bright witch,' Dumbledore congratulates, beaming proudly, if she can say. 'I knew that you would work it –'
Just as suddenly as Dumbledore stops, a beautiful cooing sound fills her ears, sounding to come from the table beside them, and curious, she looks that way to find the owl interrupting them. In her mind, an owl makes a completely different sound, yet even so, she wonders what's so urgent that the owl couldn't wait to announce itself. To her surprise, so much so that she wrenches her hand free to clasp both of them over her mouth, she sees a bird that she hasn't seen since it flew away.
'He came back?' she asks in stunned wonder, looking back at Severus – he's bound to know, when she should probably direct her question to the owner.
She doesn't know much about phoenixes, except that as soon as their owners die, no one will ever see them again or know where they go to.
'So…' she shoots a quick glance at Dumbledore's portrait when Severus' nod to her previous question doesn't satisfy her. 'He's not really dead?'
'Fawkes is mine,' Severus says, more like corrects, if his tone is any clue.
'You have a phoenix?' she breathes out in that same awe – she can't believe it.
He always accuses her of doubting him, but sometimes, she just can't help it. Even now, she feels her eyes widen as she turns to Dumbledore, looking for confirmation. Dumbledore smiles along with his nod, and smiling like that, she's reminded that she doesn't dislike him, she only disliked that he tried to interfere in her relationship with Severus. Otherwise, he's a good man from what she believes. At one point, a lot of the students, including her, had been ready to fight for him, naming their organization after him, so she really doesn't have any other problem with him besides that one.
'You gave him your phoenix?' she marvels at the man in the portrait, honestly awed beyond all belief.
Amused apparently, Severus asks, 'Are you impressed?' with a lightness to his voice that he rarely uses.
Is he mad? How can she not be impressed? Does he know what he has, or does he just not care about it?
'You have a phoenix!' she repeats a bit more slowly for a deeper effect. 'I read a bit about them. They're extremely loyal! It's awesome that you have one,' she bursts the words out along with prideful laughter. 'You're the headmaster and you have a phoenix!'
Oh, wow!
What more should she say, except that he's the most amazing person to her in the world right now? She's so proud, happy and awed all in one that just looking at him, she only wants to jump onto him and squeal with happiness for him. There's something about him, her – well, her boyfriend, she supposes, that's validating her in a way. It's like he reflects her, making his achievements not only make him look good, but reflect well on her too. Somewhere in his grandness is the whisper that she couldn't have made a better choice for a boyfriend.
She burst with everything going on inside her. Really, she could!
'He's the Dark Lord's most trusted as well, if you're going to gush over his accomplishments,' one of the portraits adds, instantly recognising the voice as that of Phineas.
That too, she silently accepts, only smiling at Severus before beginning to look around the office for more of his achievements. Actually, she wants to know them all, from the smallest to the biggest, leaving nothing out, and so she steps away from him to have a proper look around. It's different, being in the headmaster's office this time. This time, she has a certain extension of freedom as her deeper relationship with the current headmaster allows her to have. It was always Harry who had the privilege of the headmaster's office, and though she never ever envied him, it sure feels really good to have more privilege than he ever did inside here.
'You didn't change anything in here,' she excitedly comments. 'I know where everything is. Look, I got your address from there,' she points to the place where she got the book with the teachers' addresses. 'I took Dumbledore's sweets from there and – ' she suddenly cuts off, having the slight bit of shame to see Dumbledore's face.
'It's in the past, Miss Granger,' he tells her, appearing to mean it.
Well, still, she feels a bit of shame for her past actions, considering how thoughtful he was towards Severus. With that little bit of shame, she accepts his burial of the matter then rounds away from them both to carry on walking around without saying anything for a while. Here and there, she takes note of everything that didn't change until finally, her eyes land on the Pensieve tucked away in a corner.
Wow, will she ever stopped being amazed while in here, she wonders?
'I've never seen a Pensieve before,' she says over her shoulder to Severus.
As well read as she is, who knows, he might tell her more than she already knows about its use and function. She thinks this as her fingers trace around it, feeling it and memorising the feel of it and like that, while immersed in it, he comes to stand behind her like he used to do when they had lessons. Why her heart seems stop along with her breathing, she doesn't know.
'Everything you have is great,' she whispers, to which he moves even closer; his front touching her back.
'The Pensieve isn't mine,' he responds in an equal whisper.
'Still…' she tries to argue. 'You're the headmaster, so you own it for now.'
Rather than argue with her, his left hand comes around to rest atop hers, suddenly setting her heart on fire for him. She swears on her short life that she's never really felt the urgent need to spin around, begin to touch him all over and have him touch her all over as well. Here and there, she's wanted to touch him, although never like now. As she stands, she's heating up with the desire to wrap herself around him and never let go. Also, she wants him to touch her with his tongue like he did when he confessed to liking her. Oh, that had been so sweet and tingling to her skin. His kiss, gosh... How delicately he'd kissed her that day, attacking all of her senses to a different sort of sensitivity. That day, she'd been gladder than sad when he pulled away from kissing her, because had he carried on, she would've allowed him to do anything like touching her under her clothes.
She wouldn't mind that now either, though. The man behind her, her man, is the actual headmaster, and if that isn't one of the bigger things attracting her to him... He'd need say only one thing and she'd probably dissolve before him. In fact, now more than before, she's unsure if she'll be able to push against the pull from his end, but still makes an attempt by sliding her hand from under his, to then turn around and face him. Instantly, she's met with the stupidity of her decision in his alluring gaze as it intensely touches parts of her that no one ever has. Harry can say that Malfoy's father bought Severus' position into power, and Ron can suggest that he was rewarded with the position for killing Dumbledore, but all she sees is a man so powerful that he's trusted by the darkest wizard of the time, a man who he likes her. Her, Hermione Granger, of all people.
'Severus...' she utters softly, loving the sound of his name when spoken so quietly and moving into him just a little bit.
Only a small moment of silence passes, in which he waits for her, but an 'Severus' sounds behind them, taking that moment from them as he doesn't hesitate to look back at Dumbledore.
'You are expecting company,' Dumbledore tells him.
While she's still looking towards the door, he turns briefly, pointing his already-drawn wand at her and by the time that she realises what he just did, he's summoning a piece of parchment to him. Despite being summoned, the parchment doesn't come flying to his hand, it rather makes slow progress towards them, consuming at least more than a minute of time before reaching them. In tune with the parchment landing in his hand, he shifts his body, blocking her from view just as loud footsteps sound to be reaching the last of the stairs. Without any warning from him, from experience, really, she does her part of remaining quiet until at last, the expected person reaches the entrance.
'Snape,' the voice of a woman begins, maybe one of those new Death Eater teachers, 'the old woman's trying to revoke my form of detention.'
'She's the Deputy Headmistress,' Severus answers in a bored tone. 'Her authority counts for more than yours, I should think.'
So, this is truly what being headmaster is like? Besides looking after everything, he has to solve everything, even the petty things as this?
'She's soft!' the woman outrages. 'What's making students scrub cauldrons supposed to do to them? They deserve harsher punishments!'
'I'm certain that they do,' he agrees, 'but was that all?'
'No,' the woman refuses, 'it's not all. You need to put that old woman in her place. My detentions should be served as I see fit, not as her soft heart yearns to see!'
'I will have a word with her,' comes from him, and then a quiet, 'Portus,' followed by him rounding his arm behind him to had her the Portkey.
Oh! How clever!
Knowing that she'll disappear instantly when she touches it, she rises on her toes and leans over to kiss his cheek, keeping her lips there enough to smile. It's not much, but it's her only offer for comfort for now. After that she takes the parchment, instantly feeling the tug of travel pulling her away.
26Chapters
Mosquito coils leave a stink in the wake of their burning, she admits, but they at least keep the mosquitoes away from their tent. She replaces the old, burned-to-ashes one with a brand new one, using a match to light it before blowing out the immediate flame to leave a burning trail of red behind it.
'Aah,' she lets out as she settles herself between the two on the bench.
On the cool mornings such as today, mosquitoes always rush to find any opening into the tent and gather where the warmth is, but thanks to the coil, the flap opening can stay open for them to look out while they have mindless conversations.
'So, have you guys thought about what you'll do after, you know?' Ron asks them, thus redirecting her attention away from the tent opening.
'You answer, Hermione,' Harry laughs. 'I'll copy your answer.'
'I want to return to school and finish it,' she says automatically.
'Never mind,' Harry changes his mind. 'I don't want to do that.'
Of course, he doesn't, but, 'You need an education, Harry.'
He can't just expect that if they manage to defeat the Dark Lord and the world goes back to normal, that he will be able to do whatever he wants without the basic education certificate. The world doesn't work that way, as far as she's researched. Unless, he plans on opening his own business anyway.
'I don't want to go back to a school where Snape's the headmaster! He'll expel me anyway!'
'He'd do it on the first night back, I bet!' Ron agrees.
'Yeah,' Harry chuckles, but darkly. 'He'd just love to see me pack my trunk before I've even unpacked it.'
No, Severus wouldn't do that, not without a reason. He's not all that Harry believes him to be, but she won't try and defend him. She only watches them laugh a little at their own mistaken take on him.
'You still don't want us to talk about Snape?' Harry wonders, seemingly noticing her silence to mean something.
Frowning, she denies, 'I never said that you couldn't talk about him,' because she honestly never did forbid them from talking about him.
'But you never comment when we do,' Ron reminds her. 'You don't even try to defend him like you used to now.'
'Do you want me to defend him?' she shoots at him, knowing very well what his answer will be.
'Bloody no. Are you mental?'
'So then what?' she demands through another frown.
'Dunno,' Ron shrugs. 'Why do you like him?'
'Because I do,' she says without shame, because they only think of it as the same sort of like that she has for her other teachers.
Ron shakes his head and then looks at Harry to tell him, 'It's that thing he did to her, I know it. You can ask my mum about it. She'll tell you.'
'I don't need magic to like anyone,' she passionately cries, 'and if that's what you think of me, then maybe you guys have done something to me as well.'
'Okay, okay, Hermione,' Harry accepts. 'Fine. You like everyone. Fine. You want to go back to school. Fine. I need to take a pee,' he says, getting up and leaving through the opening.
'I know that your education is important to you,' Ron smiles her way, maybe trying to make peace with her now that Harry's gone. 'We're lucky for that, actually. We wouldn't be here without you, Hermione. You've saved us and that's to do with your love for books.'
'We all did what we could,' she tries to dismiss. 'It wasn't all me, Ron. It was all of us.'
'Yeah, you're right. It was all of us, but it was you more. Harry thinks so too.'
That's really kind of them to think, but it hasn't always been about books. Actually, if not for them, she wouldn't be so quick on her feet. Was she not friends with them, all of her knowledge wouldn't have been practical for her. Sure, she would've practiced to perfect her magic in private, but living through tense situations and seeing how fast she'd have to react wouldn't have been something that she understands as well as she does now.
'Being with both of you made me braver,' she admits with a small laugh. 'I don't even remember the girl who used to cry in the school bathrooms.'
She still cries now, though not as much, and not nearly for the same fundamental reasons.
He moves closer to her, saying, 'She's grown up,' as if he couldn't have said it from his original position.
'She's experienced a lot,' she lists after him, blankly staring out in front of her. 'She's learned a lot. She's ready to protect those that she cares about.'
'She's pretty too,' he adds, this time taking her hand in his.
Maybe she shouldn't allow him to hold her hand...
She doesn't pull it away either, she instead tries to redirect the conversation with, 'Did I ever tell you that I sent my parents away from Britain?'
In truth, they agreed to go, and she's glad that she never had to modify their memories, but the whole thing is still a sensitive subject for her. The only positive thing about them leaving is that they at least know about Severus, giving them time to think about him while over there. And of course, now, here's another positive thing to come from their leaving; they're serving as a distraction from Ron's near confession.
'No, you didn't,' he shakes his head.
'I did it to protect them. I couldn't allow them to stay here with all of this and the laws about Muggleborn witches and wizards. They could've died because of me, and I couldn't do that to them.'
'I get it,' he squeezes her hand. 'If I was half as skilled as you are, I'd have done the same for my family. The whole lot of them. Even that duffer Percy.'
Smiling at him, she says, 'You love your family, that matters a lot.'
Even if he can't protect them, loving them matters. Honestly, one day, she'd like to have a family like Ron's. Not as big as his, only that her one or three children were a family with loving parents.
'Say, Hermione? We're a thing now, aren't we?' he suddenly brings up. 'We've snogged and all, yeah? We're not at school anymore and we don't have any excuse, so we're... Me and you?'
'Ron,' she groans, trying her hardest not to face away. 'No, I can't.'
'Why not?' he frowns at her. 'I thought – Everyone knows that we fancy each other.'
Shaking her head first, she then eases her hand out of his, hoping to goodness that he doesn't make this harder than it has to be. There used to be a time when she would've died to hear that he likes her, but now she just doesn't want to hear it. More than that, she doesn't want to follow up his confession with a rejection. No, he's her friend, she can't hurt him like that in the middle of fighting evil.
'No, I...' she gets up. 'You don't understand. We still have to figure what the other Horcruxes are and...'
'I'm not saying that we forget everything and run away,' he clarifies, but what he doesn't understand is that she can't have two boyfriends.
'I know,' she rubs her forehead, 'but I only want to concentrate on getting everything finished. I'll explain it to you when we're finished, I promise.'
He does not look happy to hear that, though does accepts her words with a defeated nod.
'I'm going to read a little bit. Maybe I'll be able to find a clue about the next item, okay?'
'Sure,' he agrees, that way giving her the space to leave him without more hassle from him.
Inside the privacy of her small sleeping corner, instead of doing the productive reading that she promised to do, she lays on her mattress thinking.
One day, she will have to tell not only Ronald, but everyone else about Severus.
Oh, wow.
If they win this battle with her managing to come out alive, how is she going to explain everything about Severus to them? She wouldn't have to explain anything, although, they'd certainly have questions for her.
And when she's told everyone, would she get married to him?
She'll first go back and finish school, of course, but what then? Will they continue to be student and headmaster until she's completed her studies? Or will they carry on as they are without interruption?
Goodness, these are real things that she's never properly considered before, and now it looks like somewhere along this path, she'll have to define all the questions surrounding him and their relationship.
26Chapters
A part of her still doesn't truly believe that she made it out alive.
She's the evidence of her survival - the very fact that she feels ringing stings all over skin and small tingles under her nerves – yet there's a part inside of her that's fighting the evidence. She knows that she survived the repetitive torture, that much is logically obvious, but it isn't possible that she did, is it? For what seemed like an eternity, all she knew was pain. Nothing else mattered to her during those moments, except knowing that she would continue to feel that pain again and again. The remnants of what happened are still touching her body, the shivers still pushing through her and the effect still unwelcome, so she can't blame herself for doubting her reality now.
She looks around her, flinching when another wave of aftershocks zaps her body then, making her grit her teeth until it passes, but it all seems so unreal.
Dobby... They just buried him. That poor creature, he sacrificed himself to save them all.
Harry... Gosh, he's a mess, crying over Dobby's poor grave...
Luna... Who knows what she's thinking, just sitting there in front of Harry, sadly looking at him...
And Ron... He's standing so close to her, refusing to leave her side and she's nearly certain that he can feel the jitters emanating from her...
They're all here from the Malfoys? And alive?
How is she truly supposed to believe this?
Your body's hurting and reacting, that's how, the logical part of her answers. Dead people don't feel bodily sensations. And look, that knife in your hand, it did something to you before it ever touched Dobby – push back your jacket sleeve and see the reality of everything if you're so set to disbelieve.
'No,' she hoarsely cries out, desperate to keep from doing that and in her horror at the suggestion, tightly clutches onto the knife.
'What?' Ron jumps further into her space. 'What happened? What did you see?'
'No,' she says again, meaning it for him without lifting her eyes to him as they're only set on her closed hand.
No, he should move away from her. She's disgusted looking at the thing, doesn't want to believe that the knife marked her and if he knew that she's no longer whole...
'Hermione, tell me!' he begs, even reaching out and touching her shoulder.
He shouldn't touch her, she thinks, shrugging his hand away and stepping back from him. Even without knowing what mark she bears, she can't bear to be touched when she carries that thing on her body, She feels so grimy and filthy, and no one should be close to her until she's done something to remove it from her body.
'I need some books,' she whispers her only excuse to leave.
'Where? I'll get them for you,' Ron gently offers and something about his careful tone hits her much too painfully.
Does he pity her? Does he know? Is it obvious?
'No,' she answers both to his offer and his sympathy, if that's what it is – she doesn't want pity, sympathy or empathy for herself when she's too fresh from a terrible experience.
'Then I'll go with you,' Ron insists, this time placing his hand over her wrist, the only place that's easily accessible to him.
'No.'
It's a strong bite of a response, one that's both to reject his touch and his offer again, but not hearing her, he circles his fingers around her wrist, securing her in his grasp.
'Tell me, Hermione,' he urges. 'What did they do to you? I heard you screaming.'
'Ron, let go!' she wrenches herself free enough to jump back away from him.
Her response surprises him so much so that he's dazed for a moment, but then recovers in the following seconds, making an attempt to near her, but she continues to step back away from him.
'I need to go,' she says, having absolutely no idea where she can go to be alone and try what she can to heal herself, but only sure that she can't stay here with them anymore – Ron especially.
'You're mad if you think that I'll let you go off on your own after that,' he argues. 'I don't want anything happening to you.'
'Nothing will happen to me,' she denies even with no plan in mind yet.
'I won't let you go alone,' he continues to insist. 'I know that you can do everything for yourself, but I don't want anything happening to you. I'd die if something did.'
He can't protect her. She doesn't even want him to. She only wants to dig through all those potions that she kept from brewing for Slughorn and skim through Severus' book for anything that she might have missed on treating cursed marks and Ron shouldn't be there for any of that.
'Okay,' she accepts with a small nod, though.
'Cool,' he smiles in relief. 'We'll Apparate there, right? Let me just quickly tell Harry and Luna then we'll go.'
As she nods, he also nods and then turns his back to make his way to the other two. Precisely then, she pictures her destination, anywhere away from here and not even a fraction of a second later, pops away. Thank Severus for inadvertently teaching her never to lag when Apparating.