Chapter 38: Home

"Many times in life you will be afraid, being afraid is normal, but if you do not face this fear you run the risk of losing a lot of beautiful things."

- One tree hill

He couldn't sleep, his mind kept thinking that Charlotte almost died, in fact she actually died, twice. A 4 year old child died twice. Her baby, it was hard for him to reason that out, especially since he had her dead body in his hands. He couldn't sleep and didn't want to, he was afraid of the nightmares, afraid of her reaction.

He thinks about how strange life is, he wasn't Charlotte's biological father, he had no blood relationship with that girl and he wouldn't stop to think twice when it came to putting his own life in the line of fire, he wouldn't I could breathe just imagining losing her, but then her biological father put her in that situation. The father who was supposed to take care of her, had no problem drugging a baby, had no problem putting a knife to his own daughter's neck and when they fell he didn't bother to get her out of the water.

His fiancée was crying about losing her babies, she was blaming herself for something she wasn't responsible for, she had no control over her body and so that bastard was able to be their worst nightmare, be his daughter's worst nightmare and not that he was surprised by it, he worked with it, he was used to it, but even so it would be something about the human being that he would never understand. The cruelty that people were willing to do to others was something he would never understand.

- Can't you sleep? - Lindsay whispers.

- No... - he whispers back and opens his arms, letting her settle in his arms. - I thought you were sleeping.

- I can't, when I close my eyes everything comes back. - she says and he understands. - That has always been my fear, fear of losing her, fear of losing everything I have.

- I know. I understand you, but we need to stop thinking about it. Because she is here. It's with us.

- Yes... - she lets out a deep breath. - I wish the bed was bigger.

- Me too... - he smiles at her. - Do you want me to go to the other bed and put her here with you?

-No, she needs to rest and I want to stay in her arms, I feel safer. - she says and he kisses the top of her head. - Bryan, did they catch him? - she says angrily.

- Yes... - she didn't know anything and he didn't need to tell her everything. - He's here at the hospital.

- He is here? - she says irritated.

- Yes, he was admitted with hypothermia too. - Jay says and she looks at him.

- You saw him? - he just nods. - What did you do?

- No big deal, they stopped me, I was going to kill him.

- Jay...

- I was going to kill him, I just won't go down and kill him for Charlotte, but I want to kill him Erin.

- You won't, at least not here Jay. You know there will be no way out if they catch you. - Erin doesn't mind going against the rules, if he was in prison, they wouldn't have any problem going against the books.

- I know. Tomorrow we will have to give our statements, I asked Atwater to inform me about what they can find, I will try to stay on the case. - she nods. It would be difficult, but they could investigate from the outside as well. - Is there anything about him I need to know? - Jay asks.

- Nothing I haven't already told you. He was being wanted. His name is Bryan Patrick Roberts.

- Let's start with this tomorrow. Let's not think about him now. He tries to sleep. - Jay kisses her and she nods. She turns to look at her daughter.

Erin had a restless night's sleep, she couldn't sleep for long without being tormented and Jay couldn't sleep a wink. He was on alert in case his daughter's father wanted to show up.

-Good morning, babygirl...-Erin says as soon as she sees her daughter's eyes opening. - Did you sleep well? - the girl responds by just looking at her mother and crying immediately, leaving her parents on alert. Erin stands up and pulls her into her arms immediately.

The nurse enters and observes the girl crying.

- Daughter, are you in pain? Are you feeling something bad? -Erin asks as soon as she calms her daughter down and the girl shakes her head.

Her pediatrician comes in and examines her.

- Everything is fine with her, she is only showing her emotions to those she trusts. It is likely that on these days she will want to spend more time with you, become more scared and need more attention from you, but she will recover. Isn't that right, princess? - the pediatrician smiles at her and continues. - I also advise a psychologist, she went through a lot of trauma, it's good for her to have support. - they both agree with that.

- At the beginning of the year, I was working a lot and I got injured and she went backwards, she went back to using diapers and a pacifier and stayed like that for a few months, could this happen again?

- I don't think so, there could be an accident or another, but nothing that would make you go back with diapers and if she asks for a pacifier, tell her she doesn't have one and give her another type of comfort, if something changes you'll look for me, ok? - she says and they nod. - I need you to sign her discharge and I believe that yours, just one is enough. - The woman says and the fact that Charlotte is clinging to her mother makes Jay decide to go.

Jay signed his own release and since he was Erin's companion for the procedure, he could sign for her, the problem was Charlotte. He was filling out her information when the nurse appears.

- Mr. Jay Halstead, right? - it was the same as the day before. She continues when he nods, this time more gently. - Yes, Charlotte's document that you handed over doesn't contain your name.

- I'm not registered yet. - he says, he had forgotten about that.

- But do you have any document that says you are legally responsible for her?

- No... - this upsets Jay, thinking that if something happened to Erin, he would have no rights over Charlotte.

-I'm sorry...-the woman starts awkwardly with what she has to say. - Only legal guardians can sign the discharge.

- Okay... - he tries not to be offended, it's not her fault and they hadn't talked about her documents yet. - Can I take it to my fiancee?

- Yes, I'll get new roles for you.

- Everything is already filled out, I haven't signed yet.

- Then fine. - the woman says and accompanies him to the bedroom.

- Everything is fine? -Lindsay was combing her daughter's hair when she sees them entering and Jay approaches.

- You need to be a legal guardian to sign Charlotte's discharge. - he says and she looks at him and sees that he is a little sad about the situation, but not angry.

Lindsay takes the clipboard and starts reading the information and smiles, Jay answered everything correctly, she had no doubt that he knew, he was a detective, observant, but it was the fact that he always made a point of the smallest details that moved her and her She knew that would never change, because men like Halstead were rare and she was lucky.

- We have to change that soon then. - She smiles at him and he agrees with an "Uhum" and a smile. - I can't wait for us to be both Halstead's, what do you think baby? -Erin pulls her into her arms.

The hospital gave the girl some clothes, as all the clothes from the previous day were requested. Charlotte didn't even know what her mother was talking about, but she smiled at her and Jay smiled even more.

- I can't wait for that to happen. - he says and smiles because his daughter smiled. She was talking less and wanted to be held all the time, but they informed him that this would be normal and the fact that he could see his daughter's smile was like a gift that life gave them.

- ASAP. - Erin looks at him.

- After your rest... - he looks at Erin. - And if she is better we can get married. - he says, leaning down, taking her lips and then kissing his daughter's forehead.

- Okay. - Erin pouts and they hand the paperwork to the nurse. - Let's go?

-Come on...-he says, approaching to pull Charlotte into her arms, but she turns around and squeezes her mother. - Baby, come with daddy, mommy, you can't carry weight now.

- Jay, I can carry her.

- But you shouldn't, you have to rest.

- You know that the last time I worked, without any rest, I'm not invalid.

- This isn't the last time Erin. Princess, mommy is also a little upset, how about you come with dad and I'll take you back to her in the car. You'll be able to spend the whole day together. Help me take care of mommy? - He smiles when the girl stretches out her arms to be picked up and Erin rolls her eyes at him for being able to do it.

- Sorry, but mommy is going to the exit in the wheelchair.

- Sylvie. Seriously, there's no need. I still want to see Sarah.

- That's why. It's protocol.

- If you sit down I'll give you back Charlie. - Erin looks at Jay and Brett, they weren't giving up.

She accepted, a little irritated, but said nothing and willingly took her daughter. They went to visit Sarah who was also fine. It was a tragic day and the only death was an unborn baby. Sarah thanked them for their concern but said she would no longer work for them.

- We're glad you're okay Sarah. - they say and walk away.

- Hi... - Will interrupts them. - You don't know how good it is that you're going home. - they may not have spent much time in the hospital, but it could have been more tragic and they were at least alive, he smiles at Charlotte. - I would take you home, but I can't leave now, but Hank is already outside waiting for you and I'll take Charlotte's gifts for you later.

- Thanks Will.

Jay comes out pushing the wheelchair and sees Lindsay's car and walks there. He picks Charlotte up and puts her in the car seat.

- Mommy will follow you, I'll close the door and help her get in. OK? - he leaves when she nods. Hank smiles at his granddaughter and walks around the car.

- Wait... I have news. - he says and they both nod. - I took your car and the police caught Bryan. He's already in the district. -maybe he fell down the stairs, because he was a little hurt. - He didn't give any information, but his car had his address. Jay...he could be his and Will's brother. - Voight warns and leaves them both shocked. Yes, Bryan hinted at that, but they didn't pay attention to it, it was a little hard to hear and Charlotte fell into the lake seconds later.

- My brother?

- Patrick... - Lindsay says to Jay.

- What do you have? - Jay asks.

- Not much, but I want to know if you want to go to the place. I look at her... - he points inside the car.

- I don't want to leave her. - Erin says. - But let's go. - Erin says wanting to understand the story.

When they arrive at the house, what the pediatrician said becomes reality. Charlotte doesn't accept it at all and when they walk just to turn around she screams in despair making Jay immediately run to her side, with Erin close behind.

- We just came to turn around. - Jay says, immediately taking her out of the car seat.

- Leave her with me, I'll wait for you here. - Lindsay says.

- Your help will be important, you are the only one who knows the case, there may be things you can answer. - Hank says and that was true.

- I stay. She only wants one of the two of us, you inform me. - Jay says calming his daughter and placing her lying on his shoulder.

- In fact, I advise you two to go inside. There are things that interest you in there. - Voight says.

- He was following us. - Erin says after entering, being informed.

- It had been some time. - Atwater shows the oldest information they found.

- How have we not seen this before? - Erin asks looking at the photos.

- There was no way, he was far away. Look at these photos... - he shows one of them at the daycare. - And here it is with zoom. He was a good distance away from us.

- He wouldn't hurt her. He wanted me. -she says quietly and pointing, so that the team understands and her daughter doesn't. - He was going to get revenge on me. - Erin says, taking the information he got from the time she was undercover at his house. Jay decides to take a walk, the house might not have much, but the conversation was heavy, they didn't want to scare their daughter.

- Why would he take Charlotte then? - Ruzek asks.

- He wanted her too, but he wasn't going to kill her. Well, only if everything went wrong, but it would be risky for him, you know we would kill him if he did. I think he wanted to get revenge on me. Maybe if he kidnapped her he could ask me to go alone or she would die. - she says and everyone agrees. It made sense.

- He knew who Jay was. - Dante approaches with some information not only about him, but about Will as well.

- Did you know he had a brother? - Ruzek asks.

- I had no idea. - she says looking at the files.

- If that's true... - Kim begins. Jay comes back, he had heard about Bryan being his brother.

- Did you know you had another brother? - Ruzek asks.

- No. I never thought my father would have another son. - he says. He just wanted Charlotte to sleep, she was quiet on his shoulder, but she was awake.

-Charlotte is his niece. - Erin whispers. - The similarity is explained. - She smiles at him. - You look like your father and she has her grandfather's features. - Erin thinks.

- How did you not know he was Patrick Halstead's son? - Vanessa asks.

- We didn't know who his father was. And when we found out that his mother was a call girl, we knew we wouldn't find out that easily. He never mentioned his father. I don't think even Patrick knew that.

- Did you know... - Torres appears with some evidence. - There's this letter here. - he hands it to Erin who passes it to Jay.

- He asked her to have an abortion. He sent some money, said she couldn't be a mother if she was who she was. -Jay says summarizing what he's reading with the urge to vomit. His father knew. - He said he was accepting the blow she gave him, which was probably either a lie or not his, because she was a... - Jay looks at them, implying what he wanted to say, without having to say it. -He told her to disappear.

- But he's from Los Angeles, right? - Rojas asks about Bryan.

- Yes, but his mother is from Michigan...

- My dad is from Michigan. He met my mother in Chicago. He moved here a few years later. He was engaged to my mother at that time. She was pregnant with Will. They got engaged because of the pregnancy. - Jay says.

- He didn't want them to discover the betrayal.

- I think his mother never met my father. My mother already told me this story. My dad wanted her to move to Michigan with him, but he changed his mind and said she would have more help with the baby if she was closer to her family here in Chicago. That's the reason. - Jay threw the letter on the table. He had forgiven his father, his father was proud of him, but Jay doesn't know if he can say the same about him.

They left the case in the hands of the team. For some reason it hadn't been transferred yet and Ivory Tower wasn't aware that the case was personal for Lindsay and Halstead and that only meant one thing they already imagined, but now they were sure of. Dante was on their side, he no longer represented internal affairs since the day Jay became a sergeant, that is, the day before, but he still could have informed them and he didn't.

- Are you well? - Erin asks as they get out of the car.

- Yes... - he says caressing Charlotte's back.

- If you need it, you call me. - Hank says and Erin realizes how he had thought of everything. He changed the cars before going to pick them up. So he could walk away on his own. - I did some shopping for you, I don't know if you'd be willing to go out shopping after all.

- Thanks, Hank. - Erin hugs him. - Weren't you going to visit Daniel? - she asks and looks at him.

- I can do that later, you need help.

- You can go, no...

- Erin, don't argue. I'm here to help you and nothing you say will change that. He cares for himself. - He kisses her forehead. - Take care of them... - he says to Jay. - And you too. - he says, leaving quickly.

- Was that him caring about me? - Jay smiles as they begin to enter.

- He always worried about you. - Erin says, stepping in front of him and asking for the elevator.

- Yes, when I wasn't dating you could be. - he says, entering when the elevator arrives.

- I said he had changed after what you said that night. - Erin says and he thinks.

- It could be, it's just hard to believe.

- Well, you saved our daughter. I don't think he has much of an option to be against you.

- That is true. I am incredible. I'm glad he realized that. - he boasts and she rolls her eyes. - Daddy is amazing, what do you think princess?

- Amazing daddy. - She smiles at him.

- She's a total suck-up. That doesn't count. - she says to him. - But you have a super hero daddy. - Erin kisses her little hand and then leaves the elevator, walking ahead.

- Super hero daddy. - she says. She had no idea what had happened. She was quieter and didn't say anything about what happened yet and they didn't want to talk without first getting advice from someone specialized. They were advised not to bring up the subject before her and they were acting like it.

After they arrived, they prepared something to eat, they were starving. Charlotte was content to be on Erin or Jay's lap, she didn't even want to be on the couch if it wasn't on Erin's lap and she wanted Erin to feed her in her mouth, which she did.

One of the problems with trauma, especially when it's the same for more than one person, is that you can end up harming yourself later. Like Erin, she saw her daughter lifeless the day before. She wouldn't deny her lap, she wouldn't deny feeding her daughter. All that independence she gave since becoming a mother goes down the drain because one day her daughter will grow up and be independent, but now she wasn't thinking if her daughter was dependent on her for longer and the fact that Jay was attending to All the requests from both of them just shows that he thinks the same.

It was good that in addition, they were willing to visit a psychologist, otherwise they would regress completely. That's the power that trauma can cause. It affects everyone and even though deep down they know it, it's like they don't care, because it's their way of surviving.

- She's out. - Jay whispers to Erin. - they were hanging out on the couch, watching Wreck-It Ralph. Their minds were on other things, but at least it was enough to distract their daughter. - I'll put her to bed.

-She puts it in ours. - Jay nods, he wasn't crazy enough to risk putting their daughter in her room.

After he transports his daughter from the couch to the bed, he returns to the living room.

- What are you thinking? - he pulls her into his arms after sitting back on the couch.

- On the baby. - He kisses her forehead and caresses her head. - I know it's not my fault, but it's hard not to blame myself. - she whispers.

- Keep thinking like that. Because it's not your fault and at some point this feeling of guilt will pass. - He pulls away to look at her. - You can tell me whenever you need to. Don't keep this feeling inside you. You are stressed, scared, your body reacted naturally.

- I feel like I wasn't born to be a mother. - she confesses.

- How not? Have you seen that little monkey in our room? - he smiles at her. - If anyone loves you more than me, it is without a shadow of a doubt her. And it's not her fault and any baby that is born to you will know exactly how much you are loved. - He kisses her forehead.

- If I never want to have a child again, will you still love me? Will you still want to be with me?

- Of course. - he leans over and touches their foreheads. - We can be the three of us and nothing will change between us. - he says and she knows it's true.

- I still don't know if I don't want to, I just know that I'm scared to try again. - she whispers to him.

- We don't need to think about that now. You can take your time to decide, you don't have to think about it now for me if that's the reason.

- I dont know. - she says and remains silent thoughtfully.

- I can't believe my father had a son and neglected him. - Jay says changing the subject to distract Erin.

- We never saw it coming. - she says, but she doesn't even want to talk much about that. - I can't believe our daughter is your niece. - she says and looks at him. - Can you believe? - Erin looks at him and he shakes his head.

- And we thought the similarity was a coincidence. What are the chances of this happening? - he questions with a slight smile.

- I have no idea, but we have to warn your brother that he is not the oldest and that his niece is biologically his niece. - Erin smiles at him.

- Do you think we should tell her? - Jay asks.

- When she's old enough to understand, yes. You being her biological uncle does not negate the fact that you are her father. Also, I think it would be good to do DNA to confirm. - she says and he nods and she smiles.

- Yes, just in case. - he says and Erin nods. - I don't doubt it, given our similarity. I mean, I think everyone thought she was ours.

- Yes, she was already destined to be ours, one way or another. You know, I don't believe in these things, but sometimes I wonder if she wasn't our daughter when I was pregnant. She was just born to someone else. - Jay shrugs. Neither of them were very religious, but they both agreed that Charlie looked like he had belonged to them forever, so maybe he really had. - Let's do it...

They are interrupted by Jay's cell phone ringing. She leans against the couch and lies on his arm that was on the couch.

- Yes, OK. - Jay says and takes the cell phone away from his ear and moves it away to accept the video call. - Kevin has news. - he explains and Lindsay jumps a little to the side so she can see and be on the screen. - So Kev, what did you get?

- We found a woman's earring in Bryan's car. - he says showing the earring and Erin leans forward holding her breath. - Kim said maybe you knew if he had any allies? An accomplice perhaps?

-It's from Bunny... - she responds quickly. -She was wearing it the day she went to the district. - she responds. - She was helping him. - Erin puts her hand over her mouth.

- Ok, let's look for her and let you know. - he says and hangs up.

- I thought she couldn't surprise me anymore. - Erin says thoughtfully. - She was helping that monster end my life and the life of a child, Jay. - she says in disbelief, she knew that Bunny wasn't a good mother, she had already stopped trying, but no matter how much she went through everything she went through, she never imagined that her mother would ally herself with someone who was willing to do harm to her. she.

Jay was also speechless. He wasn't surprised. Having two young children in the life Bunny left them with wouldn't surprise him. Because even though she didn't try to kill Teddy and Erin directly, it was like she left her children for dead. Depending on what Bryan had offered, he didn't doubt Bunny could have accepted the offer. She was about to be arrested and just disappeared. You are unlikely to be found if she is with another theoretically missing person.

- Come here. -Jay pulls her into her arms. - Let's not think about that now. - that was all he could think of at the moment. He didn't know what to say. If he had already wished for Bunny's death before, he was now able to achieve it with his own hands.

Bunny was found a day later, or rather, her lifeless body was found the next day. Bryan disposed of her body in a deserted place and the snow helped to avoid the bad smell and partially covered the body. If it weren't for a dog with its owner going for a walk, the likelihood of Bunny being found would be slim to none. Bodies hidden by snow in desolate places are rarely found, at least not in winter. If they are not buried, they may only be found months later in the spring or perhaps never.

- Hey... - Jay brings breakfast to his daughter and his fiancée.

At the hospital, Charlotte slept through the night, probably due to the painkillers, but at home, the painkillers didn't seem to have the same effect. She slept most of the night, but woke up twice restless and stayed awake for a long time without being able to go back to sleep. So the three of them were exhausted.

- She slept... - Erin says, stroking her daughter's head.

- The good thing is that she couldn't wait 10 minutes for breakfast, but she managed to stay awake from 4 to 7 in the morning.

- They are one of the mysteries of children. - She smiles at him and thanks him for the cup of coffee. Jay sits on the edge next to her.

- How are you feeling? - they were notified a few minutes ago that her mother's body had been found.

- I feel like a terrible human being right now. - she says and takes a sip of coffee and looks at his face, confused. - I felt relieved, I know what he did to her was horrible, but... she helped him, Jay. We almost lost our daughter and my mother helped. - she whispers the end.

- You don't become a terrible human being for feeling relief, she was just thinking about herself, she thought she would gain something by putting the life of a 4 year old child in danger.

- But she was still my mother.

- She was never your mother. - Erin knew this, but she was conflicted, should she feel sorry? To suffer? Her mother was murdered and she feels relief?

- Hey, don't beat yourself up about it.

- Remember when Jimmy showed up? - she asks and continues after he nods. - I was very happy that we were living together, I thought it was like things were falling into place. When I moved in with Camille and Hank, I was difficult to deal with and just as I was getting used to it, Camille died. Then, we started dating and when we broke up, Nádia died. We were together, Justin died and I lost trust in Voight and I only had you. Back then I told you it was like when my life was balanced, it was just a sign that the next shoe was going to drop and it always does Jay. I think my life is good and someone always dies. And I don't know if I can take any more losses. - she says crying, but avoiding waking her daughter.

Jay takes the mug from her hand and approaches her.

- I was born into bad news, I'm like a magnet for bad things. When Nadia died, I walked away from you because I was afraid you would die.

- And I was kidnapped and when I was Hailey's partner, I was also kidnapped and while we were partners, I never had any accidents. Camille had cancer, Justin was helping a friend you didn't know, Nadia went away alone every night and before she was on the streets, what did you always tell me? If Hank had never taken you in, maybe you would be dead. I can't tell you why you have to deal with so much loss, but it's not your fault.

- That's not the issue here, Jay. I think I understand Hank now. I attract death, I always lose the people I love or whoever I wanted to love me manages to do something unforgivable. My own mother Jay.

- Why do you always focus on the bad things around you? - he moves away a little. - Your daughter is alive. You were dealt a bad hand when you were born, but look at everything you've faced...

- And for what? To watch you die from now on? See my daughter die? Because I'm clearly not fit to sustain a pregnancy, my body already kills before it needs to do that in life.

- So as to. - Jay speaks irritably in a serious tone. He knows she has reason to think that, but he can't stand her sabotaging herself. - You have to stop saying that.

- I'm speaking reality Jay. I agreed to change my whole life years ago and you could have died, I changed again at the beginning of the year and you ask me if I questioned anything? If I ran away? I moved in with you, I agreed to marry you, I got pregnant and in the meantime you and I almost died, Voight almost died, our daughter almost died, don't you see? I'm a disgrace, Jay. I attract misfortune.

- Stop saying that!

- I'm not fucking lying, it's not my fault if you don't accept the truth. - she screams and this wakes up Charlotte who cries. - Excellent. - she gets up and leaves the room, not even welcoming her own daughter.

- I'm sorry, babygirl - Jay picks up his daughter.

- Mommy...

- She needs some time, do you want to watch cartoons?

- No, mommy... - she continues to cry.

Jay pulls her into his arms and starts rocking her from side to side, a few days ago they were living in paradise, and it seems like now everything was about to fall apart, she was running away, she was freaking out and he wanted to be able to know what to do or say. Assuring her how much he loves her, that he will be by her side, none of that would help, perhaps it would scare her even more. Losing him too.

Erin showed up just an hour later.

- Mommy... - Charlotte, who was sitting on the bed with some toys and watching a cartoon, crawled to the edge of the bed.

- Hi my princess, sorry to scare you. - Lindsay kisses her forehead. - Let's have lunch and take a shower. - she says, not even acknowledging Jay's presence as she takes her daughter's hand and guides her out of the room.

He was still irritated and didn't know what to say, so he got up and went to take a shower in the bathroom, taking advantage of this time to think.

- Mommy... - Charlotte, who was sitting in the chair while Erin got water for her, calls her.

- Yes babygirl?

- Will the evil man take me again? - she asks softly, she seemed scared.

- No baby. - Erin returns to her and pulls her into her arms. - He will never touch you again. You are safe.

- Daddy is a super hero.

- Yes, he is. - Erin kisses her forehead holding back tears, she doesn't need her daughter to see her weak.

- Super hero mommy.

- Mommy isn't.

- And yes. - she says angry that her mother denies it.

- Come on, finish eating and let's take a shower. - Erin says, putting her back in the chair, but she knows she's going to have to feed her daughter.

Erin avoided Jay all day. He didn't even respond when he tried to talk to her.

- You're going to do this in front of our daughter, are you serious?

- I'm Jay, I hope you realize that I'm not in the mood to talk.

- Okay... Come on, Charlie, let's go to sleep.

- I'll put her in, today we're going to sleep in her room.

- No. - Charlotte and Jay say together.

- Charlotte sleeps with mommy and daddy.

- Let's not do that. - Jay looks at her.

- I need some time, okay?

- You have, I'm going to put Charlotte to sleep in our room and you just need to go and sleep with us.

Jay knew she wasn't going to bed, but Charlotte fell asleep and he stood there waiting for her to go. It was about three hours and he decided to go and see if she had slept to cover her up. He found her awake, her arms around her legs and crying. He stops at the door and watches her without knowing exactly what to do.

- I stopped dreaming and believing in something good at a very young age. I've been scared before, but never anything like this, Jay. I'm not going to kill myself, I don't want to run away, but I can't stop thinking that bad things will always happen. I can't lose you Jay, I can't lose Charlotte and I have no control over this, but I don't think I can handle going through this again.

Jay watches her in silence listening to her words. When she finishes, he thinks about what to say and when he thinks of something he approaches her.

- Close your eyes. - he says leaning in front of her. - Think of something good, something that makes you feel at peace.

- Jay...

- Just do this, please. - She takes a deep breath and does it. - What do you see?

- The three of us.

- Well... and what are we doing? - He caresses her leg.

- We're on the beach, Charlotte is running towards us showing the shells she picked up smiling.

- Are you happy?

- Yes...

- Are you afraid?

- No, I feel safe. I feel happy.

- That is good. - he smiles at her and lets her take her time to open her eyes.

- This isn't real life Jay.

- I know. - he says. - I left Atwater in charge of our case, they did everything masterfully, we know he will be an excellent sergeant.

- If you leave they will lose their job.

- I know, but the next test will be in July. So let's do the following. I'm going to work until July and I'm going to pass on the intelligence to him. We're going to wait for the summer, we're going to move to California, and we're going to take an indefinite sabbatical.

- You just became a sergeant.

- What did we say before? Our family first. These months you can spoil our daughter as much as you can. We're going to move to Santa Monica and if working in the police is what we still want, we'll decide later on. I can't promise you that some tragedy won't happen, but we'll take this time. Take all this stress off our shoulders. Let's take time for both of us, for our family and take away this pressure. Chicago may be your home, but it weighs you down.

- You are my home. Are you sure you want to do this?

- I have.

- I'm scared Jay.

- Me too, but you've already come this far. There is a girl who loves you who depends on you and you said yes. - he lifts her hand and kisses the ring. - You can't give up now. - he says and she leans towards him.

- It's a nice though. - she whispers on his lips.

Santa Monica, CA - Aug/2022

- We are all gathered here to celebrate the union of Erin Lindsay and Jay Halstead.

The day was beautiful. They chose an empty beach in Malibu to hold the wedding ceremony. Their entire family was sitting there together to celebrate their love and union.

Next to Erin were Kim and Teresa. On Jay's side was Will and Mouse. He had returned three months earlier and was happy to be Jay's best man at his wedding.

The tide was calm and the wind was gentle and the breeze cooled us from the heat. It was a perfect day. Erin's wedding dress was long, but it was light and flowy. Her natural hair was loose without any very personalized hairstyle, she just had a simple crown holding up part of her hair. Jay was wearing a white suit. And they were extremely happy. They didn't want just any ceremony in a registry office. Not that it was bad, as it had to be there too, but they wanted something more symbolic and memorable with the people they love.

Hank led her to the altar set up in the beach sand. Nick was the one officiating the wedding and everything was perfect.

- I Erin Lindsay, accept you Jason Halstead and promise to love you, respect you, in joy and in sadness, in health and in sickness, for richer and for poorer until death do us part.

- I Jason Halstead, accept you, Erin Lindsay, to love and respect, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, all the days of my life, until death do us part.

Everyone looks on in delight as Charlotte, officially Charlotte Lindsay Halstead since January 2022, walks into the aisle. She had a huge smile on her face. Walking towards her parents holding their rings.

Jay doesn't even bother returning her to the bank. He picks her up and puts the ring on her mother and Erin does the same.

- I pronounce you, husband and wife. You can now kiss the bride. - Jay smiles and leans in kissing Lindsay.

- I love you. - he whispers to her.

- I love you. - she says back and they turn to the audience and receive a standing ovation.

Therapy helped alleviate some of Erin's fears. Not that she has completely disappeared, but she has learned to live in the present, not to think about the past. She learned that it was okay to let herself be happy, because she had a miracle and she needed to take advantage of it. Because if it was short, it would have been worth it and if it was long, she should have made it worth it, seized every opportunity instead of living in pain waiting for the worst. It was a very difficult task, but it was necessary for him to move forward.

She didn't leave Chicago completely behind, she loved her city, but she needed time, time to take the weight and pressure off her shoulders. And Santa Monica was the perfect getaway for them. Her happiness was in the now, it was seeing her daughter grow up, it was seeing her friends getting married and specializing in the field of their dreams.

During these six months, she changed her daughter's documents. Bryan died in prison just 3 days after he was arrested and the documents were easier to draw up. Jay was legally responsible for Charlotte and she had Lindsay and Halstead's last name.

Kevin agreed to take the test for sergeant, he even thanked him because he had put his dreams aside for a while, but he was willing to grow in the police and help change the system.

Kim and Adam decided together to take the detective exam, it was their wish and they would have a better salary to raise Makayla and because they wanted to get married.

Hank got the job after spending 1 month with Daniel and was happy to be invited to spend a vacation in California with them.

This was it, this was life, this was it now. Her happiness was that even with many losses, she was afraid because there was someone to lose, because she loved, because she lived and she hadn't given up, she couldn't, not for her and for everything she fought to achieve, not for Jay, for everything he did to be there for her, not for Charlotte, who depended on them for a future.

She had non-blood ties, but that didn't matter, not when she had quite a family in Chicago with the intelligence and the firefighters and the health workers. She had a family in NY. She cared about them and they cared about her. They moved to the other side of the country to witness their wedding ceremony, they supported their move.

She needed this time, this time where all this tension from work could come out. He wasn't directly the reason for her breakdown. Even though Bryan was related to a work case, it was personal, because Charlotte was already her daughter. However, the work caused many deaths and she needed that time, that break. It was the best decision and if she had any doubts, seeing Jay in just shorts running after Charlotte on the beach confirmed everything.

It was her dream, what calmed her and it was happening right in front of her eyes, it wasn't just a dream anymore, it was reality. They had no answers about what would come in the future, but they were satisfied with the present they lived in.

- Let's go get mommy. - Jay says and Charlotte accepts running immediately into her arms and taking her out of her thoughts.

- We got you. - she says, tickling her mother's neck and Jay joins in.

- I surrender, I surrender. - Erin says smiling and her daughter and Jay stop. Erin kisses her daughter's forehead and puts her down and she starts to run and when Jay starts to follow she stops him. - Hang on. - she says and smiles at him. - Thank you, this is more than I dreamed of.

- More than we dreamed of. - He smiles at her and hugs her. - We always promised, do you remember?

- We would always take care of each other, but it was much more. - She smiles at him.

- I like this one a lot more. - he looks at Charlotte who accepted that they weren't chasing her and was distracted by the shells.

- Do you know what I thought? - She wraps her arms around his neck. - Then we can go to Wisconsin. With all those giant mosquitoes, bald eagles, you can teach our daughter to fish, we can go camping and roast marshmallows. And after Charlotte sleeps we can have sex on the floor facing the fireplace because my sexy husband will surely excite me in his woodcutter mode all rude in the forest. - she whispers the last part.

- You can't tell me things like that, we just got here. - he smiles at her.

- Well, you turn me on just wearing shorts on the beach. I don't care where you are, I will always want you.

- Stop this. We can't, our daughter is a few meters away from us.

- At some point she has to sleep and we will have the whole house to ourselves. - She kisses him and walks away, but in the meantime, why don't we go diving to cool down? - she asks and runs pulling the beach cover-up she was wearing. And she stops just to give his daughter a hand. Jay catches up to them and pulls the girl into his arms throwing her up, as the three of them enter the water.

That was their home. The three. Not Chicago, not Manhattan, not Santa Monica, none of those places. It was them. Being with each other and enjoying the time they had was being at home and for now, that was enough.

"I believe in true love. I believe in love at first sight. I believe that love conquers everything. It doesn't mean that there won't be difficult days or difficult things to overcome, because there will be. But if you find the person who was born for you and know that that person also loves you, it makes everything so much easier."

- One tree hill

THE END