CHAPTER 2: Heartache

The next morning, Gaara slouched to the kitchen like the world was on his shoulders.

"You look like shit, no offense," Kankuro noticed. "Did you have a fight with your boyfriend?"

"What?" Gaara stared back, confused. Kankuro gasped.

"It's about Naruto, isn't it?"

"What? No!" Gaara denied, and brushed past his brother to get some coffee. "Sometimes, you have the strangest ideas."

"Do I?" Kankuro muttered, with a mysterious look. "I thought I heard someone crying last night."

"Well, it wasn't me, that's for sure," Gaara snapped, and sipped his coffee angrily.

Kankuro sighed, and let the matter be. "So… I thought I'd cook us something nice tonight, I'll get home by five. You'll come home straight after work as well?"

"No, I'm seeing Naruto at the pub first."

"Oh, okay. I'll be cooking just for myself, then," Kankuro realized, wondering if something like eggs on bread would postpone hunger sufficiently.

"Save some for me, okay?" Gaara asked, and got a small smile from his brother.

"Gotta go. Thanks for the coffee," Gaara said, and hurried to get ready for work. At the moment, he worked as a part-time library assistant in their local library, while Kankuro worked in a little shoemaker shop he owned.

"Oi, GAARA!" echoed in the library hall as Naruto waved his hand and ran towards his friend.

"SHHHHHH!" Gaara hushed angrily so that spit flew, glancing around alarmedly to see how many had already suffered from the boisterously broken silence.

Just the other week Gaara had placed a few more large placates near the entry saying "SILENCE! Speak QUIETLY, please!" but as he should've guessed, such obvious hints did not work on certain loud-mouthed visitors.

"You ready to hit the pub?" Naruto asked a bit too loudly again, and Gaara crouched down both from the loud voice and from the mention of the pub. He didn't want anyone here to specifically know that he was heading to such a place. He wanted to keep up good appearances, and some of his more academic colleagues surely wouldn't approve of pubs. No, they would scoff at the likes of him on their way to their fancy wine tasting clubs.

"Let's go," Gaara whispered, as he grabbed his coat and led them quickly out of the public sight.

"Man, you get funnier day by day," Naruto laughed once they were outside.

"And what do you mean by that?" Gaara growled, not seeing the humor.

"You're starting to resemble those snobs more and more the longer you work there. Look at your collar shirt and slacks, too!" Naruto smiled, and patted Gaara on the back.

"There's a dress code in there, okay? Besides, this looks way more presentable than just some hoodie and jeans."

"Well, the others there do dress up normally," Naruto pointed out, stifling a chuckle at the way Gaara was so agitated about this.

"Whatever. Besides, they aren't all snobs, just for your information."

"Hey, I wouldn't know. All I know is what you've told me about them," Naruto corrected.

"Hmph, be that as it may," Gaara muttered.

Naruto laughed. "Don't tell me it's actually you who's the biggest snob of them all, dear Gaara."

"In your dreams," Gaara retorted, and smiled a bit. Naruto only laughed some more, and lead them to the pub.

"Dear god, I almost died at work today," Naruto groaned dramatically and took a long gulp of his coke. "Tsunade, our new boss, made us sit through a seven-hour long training today. We just sat there and stared at the screen where wise guys and gals were talking Super. Important. Things."

"Well, what were those super important things?" Gaara asked, and sipped his coffee.

"I don't know, just bunch of stuff. Some things I already knew, while some things were good to know. The first fifteen minutes I could keep up, but after that, it turned out exhausting."

Naruto rubbed his face and groaned dramatically. Gaara chuckled as he imagined Naruto sitting still in a conference room, taking notes diligently. The loud-mouth goofball in front of him just didn't fit into that image at all.

"What if they realize that deep down, I'm this stupid, goofy idiot, who can't even concentrate for a period of time? They'll be disappointed at me, and tell me I'm a loser! And I know I am, they just haven't noticed it yet," Naruto wailed.

"There, there. Definitely you're not stupid or a loser, Naruto. Haven't you been working there diligently for two years already? You've worked long hours, and helped others. They see the potential in you, Naruto."

"You really mean that?" Naruto whispered, wiping his eyes.

"I really mean that. You're smart and relentless, and you always help others. Naruto, you're a good person and an employee," Gaara told.

"Aww, that's so nice to hear!" Naruto smiled, and gave a quick hug to his friend. "I wish more people were empathetic like you, Gaara."

"You're flattering me," Gaara waved it off, and sipped his coffee.

"Cheers. To our friendship," said Naruto and clinked his coke glass on Gaara's coffee cup.

"Cheers to that indeed," Gaara said, and smiled how they often had only non-alcoholic beverages whenever they patronized this pub.

"Heh, I still remember the day we first met," Naruto grinned. "It was in the first days of high school. I saw you in the hall. You carried yourself with such an air of dignity. Right then, I knew we'd become best buds."

Gaara laughed, and then smirked. "Basically, you came to talk to me at every given opportunity, and you purposely even took a few of the same classes as I, just so that we could have something more to talk about."

"Hey, I didn't do it purposely. It was just a coincidence," Naruto defended.

"Be that as it may, but I found it a bit unusual for a guy like you to take interest in mathematical statistics."

"I have lots of interests, you know? Mathematical statistics just happens to be one of them," Naruto pouted.

Gaara gazed at him mysteriously, "Back then, you were glued to my presence to a point I thought you had a crush on me."

"Well, who wouldn't love a guy like you," Naruto defended, grinning. "Besides, the girls loved you, too."

"Strangely, none of them ever came to talk to me," Gaara wondered.

"They were intimidated by you, you know? You can be a bit intimidating from time to time, Gaara," the blond reminded.

"Or, maybe they avoided me because you were glued to me from day to day, and they thought we were a couple," Gaara suggested.

"Hey, I had a few girlfriends in high school," Naruto reminded him quickly. "You saw them, too, so you know they were real."

"Of course they were real," Gaara smiled shortly.

"Anyway, I think I gotta leave soon. Those things aren't going to pack themselves while I sit at the pub. Gosh, I hate moving. But on the bright side, the new place is way better and cheaper than my current home," Naruto smiled.

"By all means, you should go pack your things so that you're well prepared when the day comes. If you need any help, just ask," Gaara said.

"Thanks, I'll call you for sure," Naruto said.

"…On the final evening, just to tell me that nothing is packed yet and that the apartment still needs to be cleaned," Gaara joked.

"Hehe, you know me," Naruto laughed uneasily.

"It was just a joke. I know you will handle things in a timely manner, Naruto. You know how cranky I could get," Gaara said, and looked at his friend mysteriously.

Posture straightening up, Naruto chuckled nervously and said, "No worries, half the stuff is already in boxes. I've got this!"

"I know you do," Gaara said, and stared at Naruto prolongedly just to make him squirm some more.

"It was really nice hanging around. I'll give you a call soon!"

"On the final night?" Gaara predicted.

"Very funny!"

"I'll clear my calendar just in case," Gaara quipped.

"No need, but thanks anyway!" Naruto chuckled.

"Right," Gaara wasn't convinced.

"See ya!" Naruto said, ending the argument.

"Bye," Gaara called after him, and gazed at Naruto's retreating back until he disappeared from his vision. Something almost unnoticeable moved inside of him, as he thought fondly of his friend. But as soon as he started observing it, it vanished.

In the kitchen, Kankuro was humming.

"Oi, Gaara, come have some supper."

"Don't tell me it's eggs on bread again."

"It's not, you wiseass. Why don't you come and see for yourself?"

Gaara strolled to the room. There was some tea, some toast and hard boiled eggs on a cup.

"I knew it was bread and eggs again," Gaara huffed.

Kankuro crossed his arms defensively, "Yeah but it's not eggs on bread tonight."

"If this keeps up, you're giving us a cardiovascular disease for sure," Gaara knew as he sat on the table.

"Sounds like you want to take charge of our suppers for the next few weeks, since your cooking is so overly healthy anyway," Kankuro pondered.

"Point taken," Gaara said and started to eat. "How was it at work today?"

"The usual. I replaced the soles on these kickass sneakers. They turned out awesome!" Kankuro said proudly. "I posted the before and after photos on social media, and my followers loved it."

"That's amazing," Gaara smiled. "I hope it brings you many more customers."

"Thanks, we'll see if it does. You know, I'd be just happy if I don't go red. That shop isn't a gold mine, as you know, but if I'm able to make a living, that's all I need," Kankuro said.

After some thought, Kankuro continued, "Did you have a good time with Naruto at the pub?"

"Yeah," Gaara admitted, tight-lipped, "He's moving."

"To the city?" Kankuro expected.

Gaara looked horrified. "N-No, of course not. He's only moving to the other side of the town."

Kankuro shrugged, paying attention to his little brother's micro-expressions, "Oh, okay. I had imagined he'd be offered a better job in the city by now, and that moving there was only a matter of time."

Gaara paled, and fiddled with his bread. "He's got a job here. He has no reason to leave."

"Well, whatever you say," Kankuro shrugged, staring at his little brother without him noticing. "After all, out of the two of us, you know him better."

Gaara finally looked at Kankuro, and there was sorrow and fright all over his face. Kankuro only smiled back friendlily. "Maybe he indeed has his reasons to stay here."

Gaara scowled at the innuendo, and shot a dark glance at his brother. Kankuro's smile got even more luminous, and he winked at Gaara knowingly. For an answer, Gaara only rolled his eyes, and went back to his supper.

By the end of the month, Gaara's phone rang. It was Naruto.

"Hey buddy, how's it going?" Naruto asked cheerfully.

"Why, everything's fine," Gaara said, wondering where this conversation would lead. "So… is everything packed and spotlessly clean for tomorrow?"

"Well… tomorrow I need to give back the keys to my landlord, and move to the new place. And believe it or not, everything is neatly in order here," Naruto said, and he even sounded surprised.

"Oh… How did that happen?" Gaara asked, finding it hard to believe that his longtime friend would have achieved such a task in such a short time.

"Well, you see, just the other week I bumped into Ino Yamanaka, and it just happened that she insisted on helping me out. I had helped her out a few times prior, and she remembered it," Naruto explained.

"Well, isn't that wonderful," Gaara snapped.

"Don't tell me you're disappointed?"

"All but," Gaara assured quickly.

"Okay, that's good. I just wanted to call you and tell you that everything is alright," Naruto said. "I was worried you might be worrying over me."

Gaara smiled, but suddenly the feeling vanished. "Who was Ino again?"

"Well, I've met her family at the Kingdom Hall, but I know her mostly because she's Neji Hyuga's friend. When Neji and I were on the same floorball team, she sometimes came to watch our matches with her friends and family. Her volleyball team needed volunteers for fundraising a few times, and I helped them big time, so that's why she was more than happy to help me," Naruto said.

"Is that so? Well, I'm more than happy," Gaara reasoned.

"Yeah, it was really nice of her. But she's more of Neji's friend, not mine, you know? We don't really hang around in the same circles, and it could be that I don't hang out with her again after this," Naruto assured, and added, "Besides, I was kinda looking forward to doing it with you. It would've been more fun to have you around, you know?"

"You know I would've been cranky," Gaara knew.

"Heh, that's part of the charm," Naruto chuckled. "I was kinda looking forward to seeing you cranky like that. You're cute when you're angry."

"Naruto, you're tired. Maybe you should go to bed."

"Dude, I'm exhausted. I feel like giggling," Naruto said.

"Please don't. Just go get some sleep, you've had long, stressful days. Take care of yourself, okay?" Gaara said softly.

"Your wish is my command," Naruto smiled shortly, and bid goodnight.

After the call, Gaara felt blurry. It had sounded like Naruto had set his eyes on Ino, but was reluctant to let Gaara know about it. Of course Naruto would go for someone sporty and sociable like Ino, someone from the congregation, and Gaara's secret fantasies could never, ever come true.

As he spiraled downwards into depression, Gaara imagined that Ino would in no time be moving into Naruto's new place, and soon Naruto's foster-parents would get a herd of grandkids they so feverishly wished for. Of course things would go that way, how else?

In despair, Gaara lay in bed, feeling like he was being burned alive. How ridiculous was it, that such a tiny thing was causing a tidal of emotion within, he wondered, and wished he could jump out of it all, into total oblivion.

Gaara threw his phone away, and headed to Kankuro's room.

"Hey, it's alright to knock before entering," Kankuro sighed lazily as Gaara burst in the room.

The redhead looked crestfallen, and hopped on the bed next to his brother, accidentally knocking off the book he had been reading. He snuggled to Kankuro's chest, and put his head under his chin.

"You okay?" Kankuro smiled shortly, entwining his arms around his little brother.

Gaara breathed, and clung to his shirt.

"That's alright," Kankuro murmured, smoothing down his back. "Everything's gonna be alright."

"Naruto hates me," Gaara whispered, eyes tightly closed.

"Hates you? Now, I don't think that's true," Kankuro doubted, and tickled Gaara's ear. The redhead squirmed, and Kankuro tickled his side playfully as well. "What made you think that way?"

"Because I'm like this," Gaara explained. "I'm always like this."

Kankuro frowned, and embraced his little brother. "As far as I've perceived, Naruto seems to be very fond of you. There's no way he could hate you, no matter what."

"He will hate me," Gaara was sure. "Everyone will, eventually."

Kankuro kissed the top of his head, and ruffled his hair. "Now, that's a pretty harsh judgement. I don't think that's true. People like you, and Naruto especially. Can you tell me what made you think that way?"

Gaara gripped Kankuro's shirt in his fist, and closed his eyes. "When he moved, I thought we'd do it together. But instead, there was some woman who helped him. And now he wants me to help him unpack, but I don't think I want to."

"Maybe he didn't want to burden you, he knows how busy you can be sometimes," Kankuro wondered, "To me, it sounds like Naruto still looks forward to receiving your help."

"I feel rejected," Gaara whined, and tried to hug his brother even more.

Kankuro understood, and kissed the top of his head. "I know you do. It's alright. And I'm positive that Naruto didn't mean to make you feel rejected. He cherishes your friendship. He wouldn't reject you, Gaara."

"You sound so sure," Gaara breathed, close to tears.

Kankuro smoothed down his back calmingly. "I know these things."

For an answer, Gaara only clung to his shirt even more, his tears wetting Kankuro's front.

"Gaara… I love you. You know I will never abandon you."

"I know," Gaara whispered with gratefulness.

Kankuro hugged him tightly, and his hand slid under Gaara's shirt. "You know Kiba is fond of you, too, or did you forget about him?"

"I didn't. He's my boyfriend," Gaara blushed in shame, and squirmed a bit.

"That's right. He's your special someone, isn't he?" Kankuro reminded him.

"Uh-huh," Gaara nodded, and Kankuro's hot fingers fiddled with the waistband of his pants.

"But it feels like your thoughts were on Naruto, am I right?" Kankuro asked, gripping Gaara's chin and staring him in the eyes.

"I swear I had Kiba in mind the whole time," Gaara assured, insincere.

"I believe you," Kankuro murmured with a knowing stare, and released his chin. "Gaara… we both know you're promiscuous, but it's alright. I love you, and I'm on your side. They don't need to know this side of you," he continued, and touched Gaara's lip with his thumb.

Gaara kissed the thumb, and batted his eyelashes slowly. He knew this feeling, it was familiar. As if he was a teenager again, his body felt smaller, too, how was that even possible? Kankuro's all-seeing gaze was piercing him, and he felt like he couldn't escape. He knew what to do, he had been taught. Kankuro would protect him, and keep the bad guys at bay.

"What would they say, if they knew…" Kankuro murmured, and toppled over Gaara on the mattress, pinning him down by the wrists. "If they knew of the sick things you enjoy, of the things you make me do to you. You can never tell them, or they'll run away."

"I won't," Gaara whispered, his cheeks burning in shame.

"Good boy," Kankuro murmured, and kissed his neck.

Shame turned into burning anxiety, and the gentle kisses didn't feel enough.

"Please…" Gaara whispered. "Hurt me."

Kankuro lifted up his head to look at his little brother. There was a concerned look in his eyes. It made Gaara feel even more ashamed, and the paralyzing anxiety in his heart grew and grew.

"I… I dream of being stabbed," Gaara confessed, closing his eyes to escape it all. Kankuro's gentle touch caressed his cheek.

"I can cut you, if you want," Kankuro gave in, cautious.

"Please… No cutting, I need stabbing," Gaara whispered.

"No," Kankuro denied quickly, the compassion and concern increasing in his gaze.

Gaara narrowed his eyes, and the shame in his eyes was replaced by a cruel, hard look. When he spoke, his voice was demeaning and harsh. "You're ugly. No wonder you can't get anyone but your own little brother."

"H-Hey! That's not fair," Kankuro gritted his teeth, gripping his little brother's hair, and the cruel glint in Gaara's eyes turned encouraging, as if the redhead was riling him up on purpose.

"You're the sick one," Kankuro cursed, letting go, and leaned away from the redhead, as if he had gotten enough of it all. But Gaara stared at him knowingly.

"You love to see me under your mercy, begging, broken. You love to hurt me, to a point I turn all empty and soulless," Gaara reminded, gripping Kankuro's belt, and toying with the buckle temptingly. "It makes you feel alive, you sicko."

"That's disgusting," Kankuro hissed, swatting Gaara's hand away.

But Gaara lay down on the mattress again, and looked at his brother through half lidded eyes that were filled with passion and vulnerability.

"You can doanything to me. You know I won't stop you. You love it. Please, Kankuro," Gaara lured like a siren.

The hurt emotion on Kankuro's face morphed into regret and curiosity. Gaara smiled a small little smile, and lay there limply, to emphasize the lack of boundaries he had.

"You don't have to stab me, this time," Gaara gave in. "You know I can't stop you, you're bigger and stronger," he kept on luring.

"Am I ugly to you?" Kankuro wondered, hurt.

"No. I adore the way you look. I was angry because you didn't do what I asked, and I didn't mean what I said. I'm sorry," Gaara apologized.

"You think you can get out of it with just an apology?" Kankuro asked, with a knowing, cruel smirk on his face.

Gaara batted his eyelashes, and bit his lower lip. "Do you mean that my apology isn't enough, and I need to be punished as well?"

Kankuro grabbed Gaara's hair, and bent his head backwards. He stared into the restless, trembling depths of Gaara's jade eyes.

"If you want, I can play an unwilling victim," Gaara tempted, revolted and delighted at the same time about what was going to happen. Hunger flared in Kankuro's dark eyes, as he covered Gaara's mouth with his hand.

The next day, Naruto's messages were left unread:

At 14:34 PM

"Mate, are you up for letting your inner interior designer loose and help me unpack my stuff tonight?"

At 16:03 PM

"I know your super busy Gaara, and I'm so sorry to bombard you like this. *hides* If you're coming, please let me know. You know it's always more fun with you. :)"

At 18:57 PM

"Duuuude… You should see this place. It's a mess! Gaara, please, I really need your help. T.T I know you must be busy right now. Sorry I called you like, three times already. I am panicking! Please come save me!"

At 19:01 PM

"Man, if you're spending time with some awesome girl right now, I totally get it, and I'm sorry to bother you with my messages. I just want to say I miss ya, mate."

At 21:03 PM

"Look, I hope everything is alright? Usually you're so quick to respond. Anyway, I'd love to hear from you. I hope everything is alright. You can always talk to me, you know? Maybe we can go to the pub tomorrow after work?"