I do not own anything Dragon Age. Rights belong to BioWare.
A few hours later found myself sitting in the gardens. I had been watching the large fish swim in the fountain. They were a beautiful pearly white with black and orange spots. I could see the barest shimmer of magic just below the surface of the water. Must be how the fish are kept safe from predators. I mused. It had turned into such a nice evening. The wind was cool and gentle as the sun began to set.
I hadn't seen much of my guest since lunch. I had left him to his own devices as I settled myself to relax by the pond. I had spent the afternoon going through my mail from home. It had mostly been bills and payroll. One letter that stood out was from Anders. A few months ago, I would have been absolutely furious he had the nerve to contact me. Now, I just felt numb. I had almost let him close to me. I believed everything he said he stood for. His act of terrorism shattered all the illusions I had about him and I felt no remorse to leaving him to rot in the prison I put him in. Many people were mad at my decision but he will spend the rest of his natural life working to repair the Chantry.
Sandal had made me a special rune that cut Anders from his magic without making him become tranquil. Once its magic had been used on him, I had it cut down to resemble a tear drop and fit onto a necklace. It was a bright blue like the magic that had radiated off him when Vengeance was in control. I wore it to remind myself never again to trust someone who didn't trust me.
Boot steps on pavement brought me out of my thoughts as I turned my head to focus on who approached. It was Fenris. He's hair was wet like he had just bathed and he was wearing a comfortable looking set of clothes.
"Have you tried to enjoy yourself this afternoon?" I asked him politely as I motioned to the lounge chair next to me. "I did. Thank you." Was all he replied as he sat. My fingers played with the stone at my neck and Ander's letter still sat folded on my lap.
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked him as I turned my gaze back to the fish in the pond. I caught his nod in my peripherals. "You do not have to answer if you choose not to but you have a perspective unique to my thoughts for the evening." I sat forward in my chair and swung my body to face him. "As someone who is forced to live in slavery," I swallowed as anger crossed his features. "Would you consider a working life sentence for someone committing a crime the same as living as a slave?"
He crossed his arms over his chest and asked me to clarify. I held up the letter. "This is from a man who once pretended to be my friend. He committed an atrocity in the city I lived in and I sentenced him to spend the rest of his life working to repair the damage he had done to the city. He wakes up every day and after he breaks his fast, he goes to work where ever he is needed, works until dusk and goes back to his cell. This will be the remainder of his days. When he is too old to build, he will have other work found anything that helps the community he destroyed. Do you think I condemned him to live as a slave to the city?"
FENRIS
"What exactly did this man do?" I asked her. I could hear the agony in her voice as she spoke. She was disgusted with herself for this. "In protest of the Knight-Captain Meredith's treatment of mages in Kirkwall, he blew up the Chantry." She explained.
"Is he beaten?" she shook her head. "Starved?" again she shook her head. "Humiliated?" she hung her head and began to play with the blue stone she wore around her neck. "After a fashion." Her voice was soft and sad. "I stripped him of his magic but didn't make him tranquil. He still has all of his emotions."
I scoffed. "A mage who hurts people deserves death." The words were out of my mouth before I realized it and I held my breath at the sharp inhale from her.
"I thought about taking his life." She admitted as she began to rip the letter she held into pieces. "It seemed like an easy way out. He wouldn't have had to see the destruction he caused. He helped run the infirmary the first few weeks as we tried to save anyone we could trapped in the rubble. At the end of every day, he announced the names of the body's we could identify so that their families had some type of closure. Thinking back now it feels cruel to have made him stand there while the crowd grieved but I was still angry. I am still angry." She had slumped forward resting her elbows on her knees and held her head in her hands. Tiny bits of paper fluttered around in the breeze.
I reached out an laid a hand on her shoulder. "You did a good thing. You are right. He should have to rebuild. He should have stood up and admitted what he did to the people he did it to. I still think killing him would have also been a good thing but you stood up for the people. It sounds like justice to me. He gambled with his own future when he made his choice."
She raised her head to look at me. Her eyes bore into me. The blue of them so deep it reminded me of the sky's just before storm clouds gathered. "I shouldn't be so concerned about this. My decision has already been made. You're right he made his choices. He's not worth the breath we've wasted on speaking about him." She reached over to the table between us and poured two glasses of water. She offered me the first one and sat back in her chair with hers.
The water was cold and refreshing. She sipped her glass still staring at me. "So, how did you spend your afternoon?"
Hours later and I could not get my conversation with Fenris out of my mind. He was much funnier and pleasant than I originally thought. We spent a good hour trading stories back and forth of memorable fights. I found myself enjoying his company right until Isabella and Zevran showed up. When he recognized their presence, he withdrew into his quiet broody shell.
The four of us had dinner together and then we all retired for the evening. Fenris was given the empty room next to mine at his insistence and Zevran was banished to the first floor well away from Isabella. I knew that truly wouldn't keep them apart if they wished but we still had to worry about appearances with our unexpected guest.
My thoughts were disturbed by the sound of something hitting against my window panes. Curiously I opened the curtains to find Varric standing on my balcony with a basket on his arm.
"You always know how to appear in the most random places don't you?" I teased as I climbed out to meet him. "Yes. Well, someone has to keep you on your toes." He replied. "Ready to finish that conversation over dessert?"
My adopted brother and I spent many evenings atop the roof of my house stargazing and talking. It was something we had not made time for since being in Minrathous. I grinned at him "Need a boost?".
"You are never going to get over that little joke are you kid?" he asked laughing. "Of course not, expecially since you have never refused the help." I retorted as I climbed up after him.
From the basket Varric pulled a picnic blanket that I helped him spread against the shingles. He also tossed about a few pillows. "How was your afternoon with the broody elf?" he asked me as soon as we were settled.
Dessert consisted of chilled grapes and sweet wine and I helped myself to both. "Surprisingly pleasant. He spent a few hours looking about the place. Sues and the others reported that he didn't try to go into anyone's private areas nor did he act like he was searching the place. I'd really like to think that he is trying to enjoy the time away from that awful man."
"Did you get everything done at the publishers today?" he nodded popping a few grapes into his mouth. He chewed a few moments before he said "You know you're not getting out of talking about Sunshine, right?" I set my cup down and laid back with my hands behind my head.
This little ritual of ours started with the three of us. Bethany had always been obsessed with stars. In the weeks we had traveled the Deep Roads together she would pack up a blanket, some pillows and a snack and find somewhere for the three of us to sit and talk. A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth as I remembered how she had tried to use her magic to create the appearance of stars on the ceilings above us. "I appreciate your concern Varric but, I don't think that I will come to terms with her death for a very long time. I just don't think I can ever not see it as murder no matter how sick she was. Or that she asked me for it."
"Not in my wildest imaginings could I begin to understand how that would feel Hawke. I'll never forget that you spared me from having to know what it was like when you convinced me to spare Bartrand. I just need to know that you know that you do not have to deal with your grief over it alone." I could hear the emotion in his voice. I could feel the intensity of his gaze on me as I turned to him. "I love you too Varric. And I am so glad that even in the midst of the tragedy that has become of my family I am lucky enough to have found you and Isabella. My little pseudo family."
It was then I heard the windows of the room next to mine open and someone climb out onto their balcony. "It sounds like we might have company soon." I whispered to Varric as a headful of shaggy white hair appeared.
"What's going on out here?" Fenris demanded. I noticed he had his huge broad sword strapped to his back.
"Fenris. Join us." I greeted him gesturing to sit next to me. "Don't tell me you've never taken a minute or two to enjoy the night sky."
"Why?" he demanded again. Varric snorted. "For no other reason than the stars are beautiful and there's company to be had." When all of Fenris appeared, it took every bit of self-restraint I had to keep my mouth from hanging open. He was dressed in nothing but his sword and a black pair of trousers. His strange tattoos seemed to glow in the moon light making him look spectral. I hadn't noticed until that moment that I considered the man attractive.
"I apologize if our conversation kept you up." I began as he waved a hand, dismissing my concerns. I offered him the bowl of grapes and he took a handful. "It sounded a bit intense out here. What was the topic of discussion?" he said after his first mouthful.
"That's none of your business Elf." Varric replied taking a deep drink of his glass. I also took a drink to settle my nerves and asked if Fenris wanted to play a game. The look he gave me made me want to feel my forehead for a brand-new eyeball. "It is simple. If you want to know about us, simply ask. But, for every question you ask you must answer one of ours."
He didn't reply for a moment but eventually nodded. "My first question stands. What were the two of you talking about?"
"The death of my little sister and the immense guilt I carry over it." I had sat up and crossed my legs in front of me so that I could see both men. "I see." Was all he said. Varric beat me to the punch and asked "Why did Denarius really send you here?"
"I've explained this before Dwarf. Denarius wants to make sure of Hawke's safety until his gathering. He's become mildly obsessed with her. I hope you know what you've gotten yourself into when it comes to his interest. He is a man used to getting what he wants." Fenris expression was hard to read. Varric cursed and mumbled something. I felt a chill go through me when Fenris used the word obsessed.
"Why do you feel guilt over the death of your sister?" Fenris asked me. I took a deep breath before I answered. "Bethany, Varric and I had journeyed into the Deep Roads on an expedition to find a lost thaig, hoping for riches. When she started showing signs of the Taint…" my voice faltered. I couldn't help the tears that began to fall.
"Bethany asked that Hawke grant her the mercy of a quick death. She knew just how terrible it would have ended for her if the Blight took her." Varric finished for me as he placed a hand on my shoulder. His other hand offered me a cloth to wipe away my tears. "Hawke feels like she murdered her sister and carries that around like a stone on her neck."
Shame over took me again as I forced myself to look at the handsome stranger. "Of all the hard decisions I've ever had to make that, by far, was the hardest." I took another drink. He stared at me with an intensity that took my breath away. I wish I knew what he was thinking. He's so hard to read.
"What is your family like Fenris?" I asked him. He blinked and surprise crossed his features. "I can not answer that." He retorted. "You agreed to a question for a question." Varric chastised him. "It's not that Dwarf. I cannot answer it because I do not have an answer. I do not remember anything from my life before Denarius forced these despicable markings onto me. Not my name. Not my family. I don't even know how I came to be in his household." He looked down at himself. I saw no shame in his face, only anger. I wonder just how much this man hates Denarius.
"Your turn." I reminded him setting my glass aside. I had had enough to feel the warmth and didn't want my head to start spinning. That intense gaze of his was focused back on me. "I've stated before that I had never heard of a noblewoman wanting to train with soldiers. Why did you choose to learn to fight? There must have been many other things more suited to a young woman."
I hummed to myself contemplating on how to reply without revealing my secret. I reached down to feel the hard scar hand prints on my thighs as I thought. "When I was a child, I experienced something that I would never wish on anyone. Not even my mortal enemy. For a while it changed me. I was terrified of everything and everyone. Mother told me my behavior reminded her of a beaten Mabari. One day I had been tasked by my father to deliver a few letters to our local guard house. That day we had been visited by a Grey Warden who was searching for people interested in conscription. He gave a rousing speech about taking your life into your own hands and fighting back. I was old enough that I knew he was talking about Darkspawn but his words healed something that had broken inside me. I never wanted to feel weak ever again. I spent the next few days practically begging to be allowed to train with the boys my age. I trained with them for the next 5 years. When I turned 18 my father gifted me the two daggers I carry." I smiled to myself as I remembered the pride that shown in my father's eyes as he waited for me to unwrap the box his gift came in. He had passed away shortly after that.
Fenris was again but there was a smile on his face. "Ask your final question. It is getting late and I would like to retire." I smiled back at him silently enjoying the light that his smile brought to his eyes.
"Would you take your freedom if it were offered to you?" the question was out of my mouth as quickly as it popped into my brain. He flinched. Varric shook his head. "I would take it by any means necessary if I could. I doubt it will ever happen though. Denarius has many slaves but none he values as much as me. He will never let me go." Abruptly he stood. "Thank you for sharing a bit of your evening with me. It was enlightening." He turned and walked away hopping down to the balcony and disappearing from view.
"Did you hear that, Varric? Any means necessary." I drained the rest of my cup.
"I know that look. What are you planning Hawke?" was all he replied.
The early morning air was refreshing as I started my morning ritual. Stretches and a bit of running to get the blood pumping. I hadn't seen Dorian or any healer since I tore up my hands yesterday and I wasn't sure if sparing was going to be a good idea. My knuckles were still raw, swollen and bruised. Quit being lazy. I chastised myself as I jogged. You woke up late and did only half of your routine yesterday. You can work through sore hands. It's not like you've never fought through worse before.
"Do you normally wake up before dawn and run around the yard?" A deep amused voice broke into my thoughts. It was Fenris. He stood leaned up against the wall I was passing, arms folded over his chest. I stopped and took a few deep breaths.
"Almost every day for the last 15 years." I responded with a smile. "Why are you up so early?" he shrugged. "Since you're up would you like to spar with me?" A nervous knot formed in my belly when he tilted his head to the side and an amused expression crossed his face.
"I thought you would never ask."