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The argument between Nick and the Chief over who was the better musician – Gazelle or Dave Growhl – made the Nighthowler Riots seem like a minor disagreement.
It began innocuously enough, right on the tail end of the morning briefing. Bogo had just finished handing out assignments when he added that Gazelle was putting on a benefit concert the following month, and that in a gesture of thanks she had offered a free ticket to any member of the ZPD that would like to attend. Anyone who wanted a ticket was to have his or her name submitted by the end of the week, and that they should all feel very honored at this opportunity to see a world-class musician in person.
Nick had snorted faintly in response, not looking up from his phone when Bogo fixed him with a glare. "Do you have something to add, Officer Wilde?"
Looking up, Nick offered the Chief a half-hearted shrug. "It isn't really my kind of music, sir. I prefer something with a little more depth."
Even after thousands of years of evolution, there were certain instincts that animals still held on to. Some were specific to a given species. Wolves still preferred to run in packs. Rabbits still preferred to live underground. But in this moment, there was one instinct that every mammal in the room felt loud and clear - the sense of an approaching storm.
"So it's your opinion..." Bogo said slowly. "...that Gazelle's music lacks depth?"
"Yeah, pretty much." The fox tilted his head to one side. "I mean... fun as it is, pop music really doesn't have a lot to say."
"It speaks to the heart." Bogo responded, furrowing his brow. "You do have a heart, don't you Wilde?"
"Of course, sir." Nick grinned. "It just doesn't go all a-flutter for another fly-by-night pop star."
Bogo's eye gave a faint twitch. "Care to elaborate on that, Officer Wilde?"
The fox's reply was interrupted when Judy took ahold of his arm, "Take it easy, Nick. Don't go saying something you'll regret."
"Nobody asked you, Hopps." Bogo snapped as Nick wriggled free of her grasp. "You listen to Justin Timberwolf – that makes your opinion dubious at best."
"Sure, I'll elaborate." Nick drawled. "Pop stars come and go so quickly that you barely have a chance to learn their name before they fade away. You want to talk about a musician with a little tenure? Take a look at Dave Growhl."
"Spare me, Wilde. Gazelle released her first album at the age of thirteen." The buffalo sneered at him. "What was your precious grunge rocker doing at thirteen, hm?"
"Not listening to some tween's debut album, that's for damn sure." Nick quipped. "Growhl's career goes back over thirty years. The Fur Fighters alone have nine albums and have been together for two decades! Now that is endurance."
"Endurance, Wilde, is ten studio albums, four live albums, two compilation albums, forty-nine singles - including nine as featured artist - and nine additional promotional singles."
Despite looking ever-so-slightly impressed, the fox continued unabated. "Fine, so you can put her in front of a microphone. Your pop princess still couldn't stand up to a harsh breeze. Didn't she cancel a concert last year over a rolled ankle?"
"What of it?"
"Growhl broke his leg in the middle of a show." Nick informed him. "And not only did he not leave the stage, he sat in a folding chair and kept playing while the paramedics were putting the cast on."
Several of the other officers seemed genuinely impressed at that - even Bogo's eyebrows raised incrementally.
"And that's not even getting into his years in Furvana." Nick added.
"Oh here we go! Another misled disciple at the altar of Furvana." Bogo scoffed, rolling his eyes. "I swear I would rather bore out my ears with a power drill than listen to so much as a second of those self-indulgent, whining twenty-somethings."
A faint gasp echoed about the room as Nick's hackles began to rise. "Wha...what did you just say?"
"You heard me, fox." Bogo responded, dismissively glancing at the files on his podium.
The sound of Nick's teeth grinding was practically audible as he slowly rose to his feet. "Come over here and say it to my face, buffalo."
Bogo laughed mockingly at the small predator. "Watch yourself, Wilde. If you get any more upset, you might have to go write a song about it."
"As if you'd know what a real song sounded like, you barbarian!" Nick's fired back.
"Better than some collection of long-maned hacks with a few sob stories and a poorly-tuned guitar." Bogo sneered, contemptuously flicking a pencil in the fox's direction.
"One more word against Furvana! One more word!" Nick screamed, fur practically standing on end. "And I swear by everything good and holy, I will raise up an army and tear down your pop-diva's misbegotten empire!"
"You'll raise an army? Gazelle has sold sixty million records worldwide!" The buffalo leaned in, narrowing his eyes dangerously as he growled. "We will crush you beneath our boots."
"As if you could tear yourselves away from the latest waste-of-time Gazelle app for two damn seconds!"
"I will not hear this disrespect in my Precinct!" Bogo roared, the veins in his neck pulsing. "Heathens like you should be thrown in shackles and locked away!"
"And philistines like you should be burned at the stake!" The fox barked, baring his teeth.
"I WILL HAVE YOUR TATTERED HIDE NAILED TO MY OFFICE DOOR, FOX!" Bogo roared, smashing his fists down on the podium.
Leaping onto the tabletop, Nick threw his arms wide. "BRING IT, YOU TONE-DEAF COW!"
No one moved. No one even dared to breathe, and for a few seconds the briefing room was so silent you could have mistaken it for a tomb. Beginning softly but rising in volume, a groan emanated from Bogo's podium as his grip steadily tightened. Unafraid, Nick continued to glare up at the much larger mammal.
The enormous Cape buffalo finally broke the silence, his voice rolling over them like thunder. "Everybody out."
Most of them didn't need to be told twice. As the other mammals practically stampeded out to the bullpen, Judy seemed uncertain as to whether or not she should intervene. The decision was made when Wolford grabbed her and tore from the room, the protesting bunny tucked under him arm. They reached the door in less than a second, and from there the wolf sprinted flat-out for the fire exit.
The last thing Judy saw before they reached the stairs was Bogo's podium crashing through the briefing room window, followed by Nick's defiant snarl.
Over an hour passed before the other officers were brave enough to venture back into the bullpen, creeping between the desks as they eyed the closed door to Bogo's office. Although there were no indications that her partner had met an unfortunate end, Judy was already sending her thirty-seventh panicked text message when the ZPD's only fox came strolling in the precinct's front doors - seemingly unharmed. He ignored the startled looks he received from his fellow officers, many of whom looking like they'd seen a ghost, as he casually made his way to the bullpen and toward Chief Bogo's office.
He knocked lightly as he poked his head in. "Good afternoon, sir. You have a moment?"
"What do you want, Wilde?" Bogo responded in his usual disinterested tone, not looking up from the paperwork on his desk.
"Just wanted to mention that I looked up to that album you recommended, and I'm a big enough mammal to admit it - she's got some talent."
"Which one was that again?"
"Laundry Service." Nick reminded him. "The title was written on the chair you threw at my head."
"Ah yes." The buffalo nodded. "I have to say, your recommendation wasn't too bad either."
"Remind me?"
"One By One." Bogo replied. "You suggested that I might recognize the black, shriveled-looking heart on the album cover."
"Glad you enjoyed it." Nick said, smirking. "Briefing room in ten?"
"That's correct, Wilde. Now get out of my office."
Nick left without another word. Calmly wandering in the direction of the coffee machine, he'd barely made it ten paces before his path was blocked by thirty-eight pounds of exceptionally anxious bunny.
"Heya Carrots." He greeted her with a smile. "What's up?"
The rabbit gawked at him, disbelief written on her features. "Y-you're alive..."
"Damn, Fluff." He chuckled, fond smile giving way to his usual smirk. "With observation skills like that, I can't believe they haven't made you a detective yet."
"Where have you been?!"
"Lunch." He responded easily. "I would have texted you, but my phone died. Too much time watching Ewetube, I guess."
"B-but you…" She stammered, eyes jumping between her partner and the pair of antelopes from building maintenance currently replacing the shattered briefing room window.
"Oh, that?" Nick patted her lightly on one shoulder. "Nothing to worry yourself over, Carrots; just a lively discussion between music fans."
Turning on one paw, he strolled away from the sputtering rabbit and toward the briefing room, idly humming a few bars of Hips Don't Lie.
In case you never noticed, The Fur Fighters are on Judy's iPod - ironically right above Gazelle.