"You don't need to worry yourself, Wilde." Aster quipped at the glowering fox sitting next to him. "She's really not my type."
Nick's surprise must have shown in his expression, because the tall hare chuckled lightly and continued. "Don't get me wrong - Hopps is as lovely a doe as I've ever seen. I just prefer a lady that isn't as long in the ear and short in the claw, y'know?"
~o~o~o~
"So..." Scrutinizing the letter in her paw, Judy tried her best to keep her distaste from showing on her face. "I just got an invitation to my ten-year high school reunion."
Her partner glanced up at her. "Back in Bunnyburrow?"
"Yup. Good old Bunnyburrow High."
"Home of the Cottonpuffs?" Nick asked with a slyly amused look. Evidently, he'd decided to take a break from scowling at the pile of unfinished paperwork on his desk.
"The Bombers, actually." Flipping through the attached alumni newsletter, she shook her head in wonder. "Wow. Just...wow. There were nearly a thousand bunnies in my graduating class, and I think I'm the only one who actually left Bunnyburrow."
"That can't be possible." Nick laughed, leaning over to see for himself.
"You're right." Flipping the newsletter around, she pointed to a picture of a dull-looking rabbit in grey coveralls. "Norman Oak left to open a mechanic's shop in Podunk."
"Must've been quite the scandal. I'm surprised he wasn't tarred and feathered on his way out of town." He lowered his voice to whisper conspiratorially. "Be honest; did his family disown him?"
Dropping the newsletter on her desk, she shot him a withering stare. "Rabbits in Bunnyburrow are boring, Nick. Not insane."
"If you say so." Nick shrugged, smiling lightly as he leaned back in his seat. "But either way, it sounds like a first-rate opportunity to rub your success in the face of all who doubted you."
"There were certainly plenty of those." She admitted. "But it's more likely that they'll all want to show me pictures of their kids and make passive-aggressive remarks about how I'm still single. I bet my mom would jump on the bandwagon, too."
"Really? I thought she'd eased up about that."
"She has, mostly. But if she's been hanging around her old high school friends...well, she can get a little baby-crazy. With my luck, she'd spend the whole weekend trying to fix me up with every single buck in town."
"Like, at the same time." Her partner gasped, feigning shock. "I knew bunnies has stamina, but damn."
"Nick!" She threw a pen at her cackling partner, who easily dodged out of the way. "What have I said about the bunny comments?"
"You said I'm allowed six per week, and I'll have you know that was number five." He quipped. "So, are you gonna go?"
"What? No way." Judy scoffed as she crumpled the invitation into a ball and tossed it into the nearest trash bin. "Come on, the exchange names are being announced."
The non-starter of Judy's high school reunion was quickly forgotten as the pair rushed toward the briefing room. Earlier that week, Chief Bogo had informed them that the ZPD was conducting a trial run for a semi-annual officer exchange. If it went well, then two or three times each year Zootopia's ZPD precincts would have the opportunity to temporarily shuffle a few lucky officers around, comparing methods and sharing valuable experience.
Taking their usual seats in the front row, they joined their fellow officers in waiting for the chief. Moments later, to the customary chorus of hoots and grunts, Bogo made his entrance.
"Alright, alright, settle down!" The buffalo shouted, sweeping the room with an irritated scowl. "I'm sure you're all anxious to hear the assignments for the officer exchange, but there are some points I need to cover first."
He pointedly ignored the faint but disappointed groan from his officers.
"First of all, it's been decided that some additional law enforcement agencies will be participating in the trial exchange program, including a couple of Sheriff's offices from the outlying counties." Bogo cut a brief glance at Judy. "Second, due to staffing conflicts and budget restrictions, there are fewer exchange slots than previously anticipated. I'm afraid most of those who signed up to participate are going to be disappointed."
Nick and Judy shared a concerned look.
"Finally, each of the officers coming to Precinct One will be temporarily partnered with one of our regular officers. This means that those of you not patrolling with your usual partners may have a couple days of desk duty to look forward to."
More irritated mutters followed, but nobody was bold enough to comment.
"Now, on to the main event. Wolford, you're being sent to Precinct Five in Northern Tundratown. In return, they will be sending Officer Tatiana Lagounov. I understand Precinct Five has recently enjoyed some record low temperatures; I suggest you dress warmly."
The muttering that had filled the room turned to laughter as Wolford let out a faint whimper.
"Trunkaby. You'll be spending the exchange with one of the new participants, the Tri-Burrow County Sheriff's office. I believe they're based in Bunnyburr..." Bogo was interrupted mid-sentence by a particularly undignified snort. Surprised, he blinked at the slightly trembling bunny sitting in the front row. "Is there a problem, Officer Hopps?"
Pursing her lips, Judy held her breath and shook her head vigorously.
"Are you sure?"
"Y-yes, sir." She responded, obviously trying to hold back laughter. "I just..."
"You just what?"
"I-I just..." Unable to fight it any longer, the bunny burst out laughing. "I just imagined some poor bunny back home being pulled over by an elephant!"
As she broke down cackling, her partner took over explaining. "There aren't a lot of large mammals out that way, Chief. Trunks here might actually be taller than some of the buildings."
Judy let out another burst of laughter before she got herself back under control. Turning to the elephant seated behind her, she gave him a smile and thumbs-up. "Don't worry. You're going to love it out there."
"I recommend the pie." Nick added with a wink.
"If you're quite finished, Hopps?"
"Yes, sir. Sorry, sir."
"Hmph. In any case, it's a two-hour train ride so you'll be leaving early. The Sheriff's office doesn't have the spare personnel to send anyone here, so for the time being Hopps will still be the only rabbit in uniform. That being said," He looked closely at the list in his hoof. "It seems that in exchange for Officer Delgato, the Regional Highway Patrol will be sending us Officer Edmund Aster...who is, notably, a hare."
Judy's ears perked up, betraying her interest in meeting another officer like herself, even if he was a hare rather than a bunny.
"Higgins. You'll be spending the next two days in Acrewood, and their Sheriff's office will be sending Deputy Daphne Talbot to Precinct One."
Although learning about another law-enforcing member of the Leporidae family had caught Judy's attention, the last announcement really had her buzzing with excitement. Nick wasn't sure how to interpret the conspicuous reaction. Although she managed to stay quiet this time, the bunny still looked ready to break the binky-per-minute world record.
Bogo shuffled the papers for another moment as if to verify he hadn't missed anything and placed his glasses back in his pocket. "That's all."
"Excuse me, Chief?" The buffalo glanced down at the surprised-looking bunny. "That's...all?"
"That's correct, Hopps. If any of you have any complaints, please submit them to me by email so that I may begin ignoring them right away."
Judy's ears fell in disappointment; apparently, she and Nick weren't going anywhere. Nodding quietly, she hopped down from her seat and made her way out of the briefing room, her partner trailing close behind.
"This is discrimination, Carrots. Plain and simple." The fox groused as he followed her back to their desks. "You and I are being discriminated against."
"No we aren't, Nick." The bunny sighed at her partner's attitude. He'd come a long way from the mammal who'd hustled her four years ago, but a lifetime of discrimination was a difficult burden to let go of. There would always be a part of him, however small, that felt like other mammals were trying to knock him down.
As if he were trying to emphasize that very point, Nick sent a suspicious look her way. "Oh yeah? Then how do you explain our blatantly unfair exclusion?"
It was a side of him very few mammals saw, and when he got into one of these moods she tried to avoid fanning the flames. "You heard what the Chief said. There were only a few spots available, so he probably chose to prioritize more senior officers. I mean, the ones who are going have been with the ZPD since before either of us even joined."
"Yeah, well, I still think it's some kind of ongoing punishment for the mannequin incident."
She couldn't help but chuckle at that. "It's been nearly six months, Nick. There's no way the Chief is still holding that against you."
Even as she said it, there was a small part of her that wasn't so sure. It had been an embarrassing moment for the fox, but if they'd been lucky then all it would have meant was a stern talking to followed by a couple weeks of friendly teasing. They hadn't been lucky, though, and some enterprising reporter with a police scanner had overheard their radio chatter.
Naturally the Zootopia Gazette had run the story without bothering to contact the ZPD Public Relations office, and for the next three days their front page seemed dedicated to the symbol of the ZPD being an armed fox running amok. They accused the ZPD of reckless endangerment, painted Nick as a danger to the public, and even went so far as to call Chief Bogo's competence into question.
To say that the buffalo was unhappy with that was a spectacular understatement, especially considering that he'd needed to replace his desk phone eight times that week after each one had been mysteriously reduced to a small pile of broken plastic and cracked circuitry. The same could be said of two desk lamps, three computer monitors and an office door.
Eventually the story died down when the Gazette found something else to be outraged about, but Nick's trouble didn't end there. Although nothing was said outright, Bogo definitely seemed to hold a grudge against the fox; unfortunately, that seemed to extend to Judy as well. Whenever a particularly dreary or unpleasant assignment came up, it always seemed to fall on them. Conversely, whenever there were any call-outs or overtime opportunities, their names always seemed to fall to the bottom of the list.
Their stay in purgatory seemed to last for about six weeks, and after that Judy told herself that it was over and done with. Her partner was not so easily convinced, and when things like this happened he tended to get a little paranoid.
"Hang on a second." She grabbed his sleeve, bringing the fox to a stumbling halt. "Look at me, Nick, and listen to what I'm saying. We are not being secretly punished. There's no rug that's going to be suddenly yanked out from under you. Do you believe me?"
"Yeah." He muttered. "But..."
"But nothing, mister. We may be staying at Precinct One, but that means we get to work with the exchange officers coming here. Daphne is an old friend of mine. I think you'll like her."
"If you say so."
"I do say so." She insisted. "In the meantime, here's what's going to happen. We're going to get some ciders, pick up a little take-out, and see what's on Nutflix. Sound good?"
He sighed, trying to keep up his annoyed appearance even as he failed to hide a smile. "Yeah. Sounds great."
~o~o~o~
The following Monday morning found them both standing at the front desk, waiting patiently for their new arrivals. That is to say, Nick was waiting patiently as Judy bounced excitedly on the balls of her feet.
"When do you think Officer Aster is going to get here?" Judy asked for what felt like the fiftieth time.
"When he gets here."
"What do you think he'll be like? Did I tell you he started at the Highway Patrol training center just three weeks after I started at the academy?!"
"I think you mentioned it, Carrots." Nick droned. About a thousand times.
"I'm just excited! Another bunny cop!"
"Hare." Nick corrected automatically.
"Whatever. Can't wait to meet him."
"Well, it looks like your prayers have finally been answered, Fluff. I think that's him now." She followed her partner's gaze to see a hare entering through the front doors, an impressed look on his face as he took in the size of Precinct One. Watching him took Nick back to his first day as a ZPD officer. Even though he'd been there before, walking into the precinct's atrium with a badge on your chest was a strangely humbling experience
Aster was definitely taller than Judy, almost as tall as Nick himself. His fur was a mottled mix of tan and brown that seemed to blend together with his similarly-colored patroller's uniform. Glancing around, he quickly noticed Judy waving enthusiastically and headed their way at a casual saunter.
"Officer Judy Hopps." She chirped, holding out her paw. "Welcome to Precinct One."
"Eddie Aster." The smiling hare responded, shaking her paw firmly. "Just Aster is fine, though."
"Nick Wilde." He held out his own paw, watching the hare's response carefully. He was pleasantly surprised when Aster took it without a hint of hesitation.
"Nice to meet ya, Wilde." Grinning, he gestured around the lobby. "This is a hell of a place you've got here."
"It's cozy, but we like it." Nick quipped, smiling when the hare let out an amused snort.
"We're really glad to have you here! You're gonna...have...a..."
Nick and Aster glanced at one another as the Judy's voice trailed off, her eyes focused somewhere in the distance. "Did her batteries run out or something?"
"I dunno. Carrots? You okay?" The fox was just reaching out to give her a poke when the bunny exploded back to life.
"Daphne!" Judy shouted, bouncing up and down happily. "Daphne, over here!"
Turning to see where she'd been looking, Nick couldn't miss the huge bear that'd just walked in. The bear's ears perked up at the sound of Judy's call and her eyes searched the room excitedly. Spotting the animated bunny, she broke out in a grin. Nick felt his heart jump into his throat as she broke into a run; even though the logical part of his mind was telling him that he was looking at a fellow police officer, his more deeply-ingrained instincts were finding it difficult to ignore the enormous Kodiak rushing toward them with surprising speed.
"Easy there, Slick." Judy muttered, placing her paw on his back when he took an involuntary step backward. "She's a sweetheart."
"Y-yeah. She looks real harmless, Carrots."
"Practically a b-butterfly." Aster agreed, his ears falling flat against his back.
The bunny didn't have the chance to respond to either comment before she was scooped up by an arm bigger than all three of them combined. "Judy! It's so good to see you!"
"It's good to see you too, Daphne!" Judy laughed, her arms only managing to make it halfway around her friend's neck. "How was your trip?"
"Ugh! Too early! I had to leave before the sun was even up!"
"What? Don't tell me you've gone soft since the academy?"
The bear rolled her eyes at Judy's teasing. "We can't all have a fusion reactor for a metabolism, Judes. Some of us like to hibernate."
"Hibernation?" Judy hopped down with a laugh. "It's June, Daphne. I'm not buying it."
"Hey, Carrots?" Nick casually pointed to a nearby wall clock. "As fun as all this is, roll call starts in about 30 seconds."
Gasping, Judy wasted no time bustling the other three into the bullpen. Luck was on their side; they found their seats just seconds before Bogo walked in.
"Good morning. As you can all see, we have three exchange officers present who will be working with us over the next two days. I'd ask them to stand and introduce themselves, but I'm not going to. Why is that, Officer Hopps?"
Sighing, Judy's bland tone hinted at the number of time she'd heard the words. "Because you don't care, sir."
"That's correct. On to assignments." He glanced at his signature clipboard, then to the bobcat sitting somewhat rigidly in the front row. "Officer Lagounov, Precinct Five. You're going to be in a cruiser with Officer Fangmeyer today and on walking patrol with Grizzoli tomorrow."
"Understood, sir." Lagounov acknowledged with a sharp nod. "I'm looking forward to it."
"Wonderful." The buffalo muttered. "Deputy Talbot, Acrewood Sheriff's Department. I take it from that display in the lobby, you and Officer Hopps have met before?"
"Yes, sir. Hopps and I were roommates at the academy."
"Splendid. The two of you will be on walking patrol today." He only rolled his eyes a little when both bunny and bear let out little squeaks of happiness. "Finally, we have Officer Aster, Regional Highway Patrol. You're going to be taking a cruiser out with Officer Wilde today. Try not to let his attitude rub off on you."
"Gee thanks, sir." Nick deadpanned.
"Shut it, Wilde." Bogo growled, shooting Nick a glare before continuing. "Tomorrow, you'll be switching. Wilde and Talbot on the road, Hopps and Aster on the streets. If any of you have questions, I will once again remind you that I don't care. Dismissed."
~o~o~o~
As Nick and Aster made their way down Sequoia Avenue in silence, Nick once again reflected on how unsettling he found it to be riding with a long-eared partner who wasn't Judy. They had been driving for nearly three hours and, except for a few halting attempts at small talk, had barely spoken a word to one another.
It was becoming painfully awkward inside the cruiser, and he was thankful that being in the driver's seat gave him an excuse to be looking elsewhere. That said, just to make things even more uncomfortable, every now and then the sun would hit Aster's fur at just the right angle to make it look grey. Nick's brain would tell him it was Judy, he'd do a quick double-take, realize what had happened, and look away in annoyance. He went through the whole cycle eight times before Aster finally took the initiative.
"You have something to say, Wilde?"
"What? No."
"Are you sure?" The hare pressed. "Because you sure haven't said much so far."
"Right. Sorry about that. It's just...uh..."
"Lemme guess." Aster chuckled. "Right time, right place, wrong jackrabbit?"
Nick hesitated, tapping his paws on the steering wheel. "Something like that. Sorry."
"Don't worry about it." The hare sighed, waving Nick's apology away. "There are only two leporidae law enforcement officers in the world; what're the odds that the only fox ends up riding with both of them?"
"Better than I'd have thought, apparently." Nick responded, smiling slightly. "Okay. I'll try to liven up a bit."
"I know just the thing to help, too." Leaning forward, Aster pointed out a fast-moving sedan just ahead and two lanes over. "Fifteen over the limit. Looks like someone is in a hurry."
"Nice catch. Let's do it." Nick switched the flashers on as the hare hit the siren. The offending vehicle pulled over without hesitation, and they eased to a stop right behind it. "Okay, Highway Patrol. Care to show me how it's done?"
"You know it." Pausing before he stepped out of the cruiser, Aster turned to Nick with a wry smile. "Hey, I'll bet you a beer that I can say meow to this guy at least ten times."
"Meow?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
Aster shrugged. "Why not?"
"Doesn't seem like it'd be too challenging." Nick noted. "Meow, meow, meow, meo-"
"No, not like that. You have to say it without, y'know, saying it outright."
"What?"
"You'll see. Just keep count for me."
Putting on a pair of aviator sunglasses that eerily matched Nick's, he hopped out of their cruiser and made his way toward the driver's door. Shaking his head, Nick followed suit and approached the car on its passenger side.
"License and registration." The hare drawled as he sidled up next to the driver's door. "Hurry up, meow."
The koala behind the wheel looked a little nervous, but a lot of mammals did when dealing with the police. He still handed over the requested items right away. Taking the offered documents, Rabbit took a moment to examine them. "Alright, meow why do you think I pulled you over?"
"Well, I..." The koala peered at Aster quizzically as Nick stifled an amused snort. "I'm sorry, but...did you just say meow?"
"I beg your pardon?" Aster peered at the driver over the rim of his sunglasses.
"Sorry, I thought you said meow just then."
"You thought I said what?"
"Uh...meow?"
"Do I look like a cat to you, sir?"
"N-no!"
"Are you telling me that you can't tell the difference between a hare and a feline?" Aster's voice began rising comically. "Is that what I'm hearing right meow?!"
"Of course not, Offic...!"
"Meow you listen here! Do you see me chasing little bits of string?! Do I look like I'm gonna lay down in the sun right meow and take a nap?!"
Despite himself, the mammal began to grin at the hare's antics. He didn't even notice Nick behind him, shaking with silent laughter.
"Am I amusing to you, sir?"
"I...I'm sorry, officer. I was just picturing..."
"Picturing what?!" The hare yelled, bouncing in place with apparent indignation. "Were you thinking of me jumping around all mimbly-bimbly? Does my tail look like it's built for twitching, sir?!"
The koala's eyes widened when a short laugh burst forth from his throat, immediately slapping his paws over his mouth.
Aster yanked his sunglasses off to glare at him. "You stop laughing right meow!"
The amusement vanished from the marsupial's face instantly. "Y-yes, sir."
"Meow I'm gonna be writing you a ticket for that speeding violation."
"But..."
"No buts, meow. It's the law." He tore the ticket off the pad, handing it over along with the license. "Not so funny meow, is it?"
As soon as they were back in the cruiser, Aster turned to smirk at Nick. "So?"
"Okay, I'll admit that was pretty funny."
"Told ya. How did I do?"
"Bad news, buddy. That was only nine."
"What? I definitely said it ten times!"
"Nine." Nick insisted. "Unless you'd like to review the body cam footage?"
"Damn." Aster chuckled, waving a paw in Nick's direction. "I really thought I'd nailed that one."
"Is this what the Highway Patrol does all day?"
"Well...not all day." The hare winked. "What do you think Hopps and Talbot are up to?"
"Knowing Judy, they're probably bounding around being unbearably sunny and optimistic."
~o~o~o~
"Sir, may I please see your identification?"
"I...oh..." The bison stammered, glancing uncomfortably at the stern-faced rabbit standing nearby, who had so far said nothing at all. "Yeah...of course."
Holding out the requested items, he tried not to flinch when the police bear gingerly took them from his paw.
"Thank you, sir."
His nervousness ebbed slightly as he tried to focus on the officer he was actually speaking to, who had so far been nothing but polite and friendly. He told himself that he definitely couldn't hear the bunny's teeth grinding, he tried to focus on the bear's disarming smile.
"So...Marcus. Are you aware that this is city property? You aren't allowed to be inside of the fence."
"Y-yeah, but..." He turned to point in the direction he'd come from, flinching when he once again felt pinned by those flinty purple eyes. "I...er...you see..."
"Are you alright, sir?"
"Sure, I...um. The thing is that I work over on Maple, but I live on Cicada, right? And cutting through here takes, like, twenty minutes off my walk home."
"That may be, Marcus. It doesn't change the fact that you're crossing through a civil power station. It's very dangerous in here, and those warning signs on the fence are there for your protection."
"Right, but I was...I was just..." Glancing back, he found himself desperately trying to rationalize the fear this small grey bunny seemed to instill in him. It made no sense, but her unexpectedly cold glare seem to chill him to his core. "Um..."
"Marcus." The bear interrupted gently. "I'm going to be firm on this one. The last thing anyone would want is for you to get hurt."
Except the bunny, A tiny voice whispered in the back of his mind. That's exactly what the bunny wants.
"Now I hope this citation will be a lesson to you." His attention snapped back to the much larger officer; her motherly tone made him feel like a youngster who'd been caught sneaking cookies. "I know you want to get home quickly, but it's much better for you to get there safely, right?"
"Y-yeah. Of course."
"Right." She agreed, tucking her ticket book away. "We don't want to hear you've been back in here."
"Ever." The devil rabbit added, and Marcus let out a startled squeak.
"You know your way home from here?" The bear asked, and Marcus nodded his head furiously. "Okay then. Have a nice day, sir."
"Have a nice day." The rabbit echoed, smiling slightly as she added. "Marcus."
Marcus didn't need to be told twice. Sprinting away, it was only a few seconds before he'd vanished around the corner.
"That was awesome, Judy!" Daphne gasped. "For once, I wasn't the scariest-looking one there. Where'd you learn that?"
"Private tutoring." She laughed. "I'm not the most intimidating officer on the force, so a few years ago I asked Chief Bogo if he could offer me some advice on having more, y'know, presence."
"Bogo? As in, the cape buffalo almost as big as I am?"
"That's him. At best, I thought he might give me a few pointers. Instead, he put Nick on desk duty for the week and rode with me in his place."
"You spent a week patrolling with Zootopia's Chief of Police?!" Daphne shook her head. "Nope, I'm calling you out on that one. No way did that actually happen."
"Cross my heart, Daphne. And I don't think I've seen him happier, before or since. I bet a part of him really needed to get out from behind that desk. Once I got over my nerves I learned so much! I actually saw him stare down a drunken bull elephant!"
"Impressive." She nodded.
"It really was. He also gave me some tips on how to create a larger presence, and how to make yourself seem like what he called 'an immovable object'. I didn't think it'd work for me, but the results speak for themselves."
"Darn right, they do. And they say you're one badass little bunny."
"Don't you forget it."
~o~o~o~
Strolling out of the briefing room on the second day of the exchange, the four of them paused in Precinct One's massive lobby.
"I guess we're paired up today, aren't we?" Aster noted, tipping his Snarlbucks cup toward Judy.
"Yup. We'll see how those highway skills of yours do at walking speed."
The hare shuddered, squeezing his eyes shut dramatically. "Ugh! The sacrifices I make for law & order."
"Come on, you big baby." Rolling her eyes, Judy grabbed him by the arm and pulled him toward the exit. "You can still make the world a better place on two paws."
"They seem to be getting along already." Daphne commented, smiling down at Nick.
"Hm." He responded neutrally. "C'mon. The motor pool awaits."
~o~o~o~
"Hey, Nick?" Daphne glanced at the fox sitting in the passenger seat. "I just want to apologize again that we couldn't take your usual cruiser."
"I already said it's okay. It's not your fault it was too small for you, and believe it or not I know the feeling. Back when I first met Judy she was driving around in this little three-wheeled meter-maid cart, and I had to ride shotgun the whole way from Savanna Central to the middle of Tundratown." Shaking his head, he paused his story to point out the upcoming traffic circle. "Honestly, I must've whacked my head a dozen times on the way, and the lack of anything resembling doors meant that if I didn't keep my elbows tucked in I was liable to lose 'em. Carrots can get a little aggressive behind the wheel."
"Yikes. That sounds awful."
"Yeah. It was the worst." He agreed, smiling at the memory. Spotting something a moment later, he stood up in his larger-than-normal seat to get a better look. "Uh-oh. Looks like someone has a broken tail light."
"You want to pull someone over for a broken tail light?"
"No, I'd usually just let it slide. However, that light has been broken for quite a while. The driver knows perfectly well that it's broken, too. He's just decided there are better ways to spend his money than fixing it."
"You don't know that."
He gave Daphne the self-satisfied smirk that Judy had mentioned so often. "First, look at how the car is a little dirty, but the dirt inside the tail light housing is worse. He's probably taken it through a carwash once or twice since it broke. Ergo, it's been broken for a while."
"Okay, I'll give you that one."
"Second, he was driving the same speed as everyone else until we got close enough for him to see. He's been doing two under the limit ever since. To me, that says he knows he's done something wrong and he's hoping we either don't notice, or give him a pass."
"Or maybe he doesn't want a speeding ticket."
"All the other cars are passing him, so consciously he'd know it was safe to do the same speed. I bet that slowing down was an unconscious reaction."
"Maybe." Daphne conceded. "I suppose that's possible."
"I appreciate the vote of confidence. Finally, if you look at the slope of his shoulders and the way he holds the wheel, you can tell he doesn't work with his paws. His designer shirt, however, indicates that whatever he does do for a living must pay pretty well. That's how I know that while he has the money to get the light fixed, he chooses to spend it on other things."
Daphne did her best to watch the road and glare at the fox at the same time. "What? There's no way any of that is true."
"Maybe. Or maybe I spotted the brand-new plasma TV in the back seat and had a hunch."
"Okay, now that I believe." Daphne flipped on the cruiser's lights, watching the offending vehicle pull smoothly to the side of the road. "Alright then. You ready to show me how they do it in the ZPD?"
"I've got just the thing, actually. It's this play that Judy came up with. Just head over to the passenger side, don't say anything and follow my lead."
She eyed him dubiously. "If you say so."
Climbing down from his seat, Nick casually strolled up to the driver's window and gave the driver a pleasant smile. "Good afternoon, sir."
"Officer." The driver, a thirty-something tapir, grumbled. Nick stood quietly for nearly a minute before the driver shook his head slightly. "Right, you want my license. Here."
Accepting the card, Nick examined it casually. "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"
"Fifty-five?"
"Fifty-three, actually."
"Isn't the speed limit fifty-five?"
"Sure is." The fox confirmed.
"What?! Then what the hell did you pull me over for?" He barked in annoyance.
Nick once again responded with silence, looking at the other mammal impassively. Glancing to the side, the tapir discovered that Daphne was standing just as quietly.
"I... oh geez, I'm sorry. That was uncalled for." Sighing, he tapped the steering wheel with one paw before adding. "It's been a long week, but that's no reason for me to act like a jerk."
"It happens." Nick smiled lightly, holding out the mammal's license. "Have a nice day, sir."
The tapir's eyes darted back and forth between the fox and the plastic card. "Hold on...you're not giving me a ticket?"
"Did you expect one?"
"I...um...yeah, kinda."
"You weren't speeding." The fox reminded him.
"Yeah, but...I've got that busted tail light." He shrugged, gesturing to the rear of the car.
Nick looked over to Daphne, who pretended to glance behind the vehicle before nodding her confirmation. "So you do."
The tapir gave him a sheepish smile. "You probably hear this a lot, but I've really been meaning to get it fixed. Money has just been a little tight recently."
Nick didn't say anything, glancing briefly at the new TV in the back seat.
"Yeah. That's kind of a weak excuse, isn't it?" He sighed. "Geez, I'm just full of excuses today, aren't I? Honestly, I've just been putting it off."
Nick shrugged at Daphne, who shrugged back in turn.
"Yeah. Yeah, I think I've been asking for a ticket." The tapir chuckled ruefully. "It'll teach me not to slack off on my car repairs, right?"
"That's a nice way of looking at it." Nick agreed, making short work of the citation as he scribbled down the tapir's information. Handing the ticket and license back, he gave the driver another polite smile. "Drive safe, now."
"Thanks, officer. Have a good one."
"You too, sir."
Nick calmly watched the mammal drive away as the bear sidled up beside him. "Okay. What just happened?"
"What do you mean?"
"He just volunteered to get a ticket."
The fox smirked. "That he did."
"You just politely manipulated him into requesting a traffic ticket."
"Yup."
"That's...I don't even know what that was."
"Like I said, Carrots came up with it." Nick smiled softly. "She occasionally defies explanation."
Daphne nodded slowly, peering at the fox with a curious expression. "Yeah. That she does."
As if on cue, Nick's phone let out a distinctly cheerful tone. "Would you look at that...her ears must've been burning. Looks like everyone is hitting up O'Hoggin's after work. You in?"
"Of course. I wouldn't miss it."
"Alright then. Shall we go find our next contestant?"
"Lead on, Nick. Lead on."
~o~o~o~
When he'd first arrived at Precinct One, it hadn't taken Nick very long to figure out what made O'Hoggin's Bar a favorite hangout for the officers there. It boasted a warm atmosphere, handmade wooden furniture, and a long row of polished brass drink taps at the bar; everything a proper pub needed. The place was busier than usual that evening, he noted. Most of the precinct's officers had come out to help send their guests off in style. That is to say, get them blind drunk and send them home with the mother of all hangovers.
The pair of them had arrived before the bulk of the crowd, and so were lucky enough to have secured their own table. Unfortunately, that meant they couldn't walk away from it for even a moment, and that Daphne had to scare off the occasional mammal looking to make off with the chairs held for Judy and Aster. The bear, who'd been enjoying a local honey ale from a mug nearly as tall as Nick, was just wrapping up a story about an enterprising young pig who thought it'd be easy to steal from the Talbot Honey Farm when his phone chirped happily.
He tried to hide the sense of relief brought on by Judy's text. Except for the invite to O'Hoggin's earlier that morning, Judy hadn't messaged him all day. He'd told himself that there was nothing to worry about, and that she was probably just caught up with showing Aster the sights. He'd also done his best to not dwell on the sour feeling that idea gave him.
He didn't think Daphne had noticed, but he'd been a little preoccupied by the bunny's uncharacteristic silence for most of the day. Judy was the sharing type, and over the years he gotten used to receiving regular messages whenever they were apart. What had started out as annoying had eventually brought on a strange sense of comfort, and whether he was willing to admit it, not hearing from her for most of the day had been a little unnerving.
"Is that Judy? Are she and Aster on their way?"
"Yup. They're just leaving the precinct now. Apparently, they had to arrest a drunken moose for public indecency and the paperwork took longer than they expected."
"Sounds fun." Daphne peered at him for a long moment. "Something on your mind, Nick?"
"Hm? No, I'm fine."
"You sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure." He insisted.
"Okay." They sat quietly for a moment. "So, how long have you been into Judy?"
"I'm sorry?"
"You heard me."
"You think I'm 'into' Judy?" The fox repeated, giving the bear an amused look. "Are we back in high school now?"
"First of all, you still had baby teeth when I was in high school." Daphne laughed. "Second of all, I've raised three cubs. I know when someone is trying to dodge a question."
"Technically, that was a statement."
"Your deflection kung fu is weak, fox."
"Okay, okay. Maybe I am 'into' her." He admitted, holding a paw up with the tips of his claws held barely apart. "A little."
"By which you mean you regularly think about her jumping your foxy bones."
He glanced away, taking an unnecessarily long moment to sip his drink. "I confess that the idea crossed my mind. Y'know...once or twice."
"Once or twice, eh?" She repeated, her expression dubious.
"Maybe." He coughed. "So, uh, why do you ask?"
"No reason."
"Seriously, is there something I ought to know? Did she say...I mean, do you think she'd be...interested?"
"You tell me."
"Maybe, I think? I'm not sure. We've had kind of a flirty dynamic lately. At least since the...er...mannequin incident."
"Mannequ...Wait, I think she emailed me about that. Was that the thing with the taser?"
"That's the one."
"That was six months ago."
"Five."
"Still, quite a while. Why haven't you just made a move?"
"Because we work together, for a start." He pointed out. "Relationships are tricky enough for mammals who don't see each other all day, every day. If we tried and then broke up, I don't even want to think about how awkward that could be."
Daphne frowned slightly, but nodded in agreement all the same.
"More importantly, we're best friends and..."
"And you don't want to risk losing that special relationship, right?" Daphne finished for him. "You don't think that's a little cliché?"
"No, I don't. I've heard plenty of horror stories from people who unsuccessfully tried dating their friends." He sighed. "Yeah, she's smart, funny, caring, nauseatingly upbeat and more than a little beautiful..."
"Which side are you arguing for again?"
"...but, I want to make sure this isn't just a crush. Dating my best friend – who is a bunny, I might add – isn't something I just want to jump into without thinking."
"Fine then." Daphne chuckled. "If you're going to be all mature about it."
"What can I say? I'm flawed that way."
"Well, I just want her to be happy."
"She's happy. I think she's happy." His expression turned anxious. "Is she not happy? Did she tell you she wasn't?"
"Take it easy, Nick. She's happy, trust me. I just wouldn't mind seeing her a little happier." The bear sipped her honey ale casually. "Happier, living in Zootopia, working in law enforcement, and dating her partner. Who is a fox."
"Yeah." Nick agreed. "Wait...what?"
"And wouldn't you know it?" Daphne gestured toward the entrance. "There she is now."
The fox stood on his seat to look, quickly spotting his partner standing next to Officer Aster, and began waving his arms to get her attention. "Carrots, over here!"
Watching the hare and bunny maneuvering their way through the crowd, Nick heard Daphne whisper over his shoulder. "You're already thinking about how to ask her out, aren't you?"
"Yes." He glanced back at her. "Do you get in your cubs' heads like this?"
"Constantly."
"Having you for a mom must be pretty intense sometimes."
"You've got no idea."
"I'm so sorry we're late!" Judy laughed, hopping up to her seat. "It's been absolutely crazy today; one thing after another."
"I was a little freaked out, actually. She had to convince me that it was actually an unusually busy shift." Aster smiled at the bunny sitting next to him. "I'm glad I had Judy out there with me, or I'd have been all kinds of lost."
"Oh, that's not true at all." Judy gave Aster a playful wink. "You did great today, partner."
They both laughed at Judy's joke; only Daphne saw Nick visibly flinch.
~o~o~o~
"Would you look at these prices! Everything in the city is so expensive." Daphne exclaimed as she scanned the menu. "I don't know how you two manage it."
"Being smaller helps." Judy shrugged. "It makes the grocery bills a little easier to deal with, at least."
"Plus, you can save a ton of money by really, really lowering your standards about where you live." Nick added, nodding sagely. "I, for example, spent several years living in a poorly maintained tenement boiler room."
"A boiler room?" Daphne echoed. "Seriously? Like with steam pipes and everything?"
"Yup."
Her jaw fell open at the confirmation, and she turned to stare at Judy accusingly. "And you let him live there?"
Judy didn't even have time to begin her stammering defense before Nick chimed in again. "Actually, at the time Carrots thought I was homeless."
"No, I didn't!" Judy gasped. "I just thought...I mean, I didn't think you didn't have a home."
"Sure, but you thought that 'home' was under a bridge!" He grinned at Daphne's disbelieving stare. "I swear, this was even after she'd seen the address on my tax forms!"
"Oh, har har. So I made one incorrect assumption." Judy grumbled. "How'd you like it if I told them about the first time you visited Bunnyburrow?"
"Go right ahead, Carrots." He responded smugly. "I seem to recall charming the heck out of everyone on that trip. Your mom is still talking about that vegetable medley recipe I told her about. Not a lot of embarrassing material to work with there."
"Really?" Judy idly stirred her carrotini. "Not even the sign?"
Nick's self-assured expression vanished like smoke in the wind. "Who wants to go play darts? Aster?"
"I'm good." The hare smirked.
"Daphne?" He asked plaintively.
"I'd rather hear about the sign."
Nick let his head fall onto the table and let out a soft, pitiful whine.
"So, we have this giant sign just outside Bunnyburrow. If you've ever taken the train through there, you've probably seen it."
"Oh yeah!" Aster laughed. "The one with the spinning numbers, right?"
"That's the one. And the first time I took Nick out to my family's farm, that sign caused him to...how do I put this delicately...freak right the hell out."
"It wasn't just the sign." Nick interrupted. "There were a combination of factors."
Judy ignored her partner's protests. "I'm not exaggerating. He was curled up in the fetal position, right there on the train platform. I'm pretty sure he was crying a little."
"I was not crying!" Nick shouted, standing on his chair and attracting the attention of several nearby tables. Laughing nervously, he continued. "...is what the suspect said to me. Ha ha! Okay everyone, back to your conversations. Nothing to see here."
"You okay?" Aster asked, grinning at the fox's embarrassment.
"Yes." Glowering at the smirking hare, he took his seat again and muttered. "I wasn't crying. Bunnyburrow is just dusty."
"Of course." The hare laughed, turning to look at Judy expectantly. "So, what happened next?"
"Well, after gently coaxing him to a nearby bench, I managed to convince him that the sign was only a joke and that the population of Bunnyburrow didn't actually number in the millions."
"He actually thought it did?" He gasped. "You're kidding!"
"Okay. Whoa. I think I need to provide a little context here." Leaning forward, Nick began counting on his paw. "One, consider that Carrots legitimately has about 300 siblings and that I am an only kit. That's kind of a paradigm shift, all on its own. Two, we were travelling at rush hour and the train platform was literally packed with bunnies. I honestly could not see the ground. That's how many bunnies there were."
Looking to Judy for confirmation, Aster and Daphne were both surprised to see the bunny reluctantly nodding her head. "It's true. The station was pretty busy."
"Three!" Nick carried on. "I had barely even stepped off the train when I was literally swarmed by a teeming mass of tiny killer rabbits..."
"My youngest siblings." Judy added.
"...who brought me down and had me helplessly pinned before I even knew what was going on."
"They're very enthusiastic."
"And then, by chance, I spot something nearby through the tangle of tiny fuzzy limbs." Nick's gaze shifted, focusing on an unseen point in the middle distance. "A sign that welcomed me to that fluffy sea of rabbits, with a population ticker beneath that told me one terrible thing. That despite being literally surrounded by and covered in bunnies, there remained millions more left unseen.
"So yes, I was alarmed. And perhaps I overreacted a little as a result." He conceded. "But I stand by my fear of a hypothetical all-consuming horde of killer bunnies, thank you very much."
There was a moment of considering silence between them, then Judy coughed something that sounded suspiciously like 'scaredy-fox' and the three of the broke out laughing at the disgruntled vulpine.
For his part, Nick felt a small and unpleasant sensation begin to form in his belly as he watched Aster laugh at Judy's playful jab. It wasn't the first time he'd found himself feeling that way, and like every other time, it was a little disconcerting. His brief conversation with Daphne on the topic wasn't helping, either.
Before he had the opportunity to dwell on it, Daphne glanced at her watch. "Yikes. I didn't realize how late it was. I'd better get going."
Nick glanced at his phone; it wasn't even ten o'clock yet. "Already?"
"I have to catch the last train back to Acrewood, remember? It was nice to meet you, Nick. You too, Aster." She turned to say goodbye to Judy and laughed when the bunny leapt from her seat, landing on the bear's shoulder.
"You're not getting away without a hug!" Judy insisted, once again unsuccessfully trying to wrap her arms around the bear's neck.
"Okay, okay. How about you see me into a cab?" Turning back to the fox, Daphne rolled her eyes a little. "Bunnies, right?"
"So emotional." He responded, smirking.
"Yup. I'm gonna borrow this one for a minute."
"Don't let her get too attached." Nick warned teasingly. "You let a bunny get too attached and you'll never get rid of her."
"Don't worry." Daphne said over her shoulder. "I'll make sure that yours finds her way home."
As the two of them headed to the door, Aster turned to the fox with a little smile. "So...Hopps really is something special, isn't she?"
Against his will, Nick felt himself frown slightly at the hare's remark.
"You don't need to worry yourself, Wilde." Aster quipped at the glowering fox sitting next to him. "She's really not my type."
Nick's surprise must have shown in his expression, because the tall hare chuckled lightly and continued. "Don't get me wrong - Hopps is as lovely a doe as I've ever seen. I just prefer a lady that isn't as long in the ear and short in the claw, y'know?"
As if to emphasize his statement, the hare turned around in his seat and shamelessly winked at Officer Lagounov, who was sitting a few tables over. Taken off guard, the bobcat stiffened, then smiled slightly and glanced away.
"Well, I'll be damned." Nick muttered as he felt the unpleasant sensation fade away. Leaning a little closer to the hare, he added. "You know she'd eat you alive, right?"
"Here's hoping." Aster grinned, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively as Nick let out a snort of laughter. "So, when did you start seeing your partner as more of a honey than a bunny?"
Nick winced slightly at the phrase, much to Aster's amusement. "I'm not...I mean I'm not sure what I'm... She's just...y'know?"
"Surprisingly, I think I get what you're saying." He pointed over Nick's shoulder. "Heads up. Here she comes."
"What did I miss?" Judy asked as she settled back into her seat.
"Nothing." The hare responded casually.
"Except that he was hitting on Lagounov." Nick turned to smirk at the hare. "And unless I'm mistaken, she wasn't entirely opposed to it."
"That too." Aster agreed.
"Oooh. Forbidden love." Judy laughed, not noticing the slight downturn in her partner's expression. "I mean, a ZPD Officer and a Highway Patroller?"
"I know, right? How could I ever show my face in public again?"
"The scandal!" Giggling, Judy risked a brief glance between them. "Ooh...don't look now, but she's totally checking you out."
"Seriously?"
"Mm-hmm." Nodding, she made a shoo-ing gesture with one paw. "What are you waiting for? Go talk to her!"
"Damn right I will." He pulled his mirrored aviators from his pocket and slipped them on. "It's go time."
Judy reached out without a second's hesitation, pulled the sunglasses off his face and dropped them in his half-empty beer glass. "No, now it's go time. You'll thank me later."
"Fair enough." The hare sauntered off, chest puffed out a little and wearing a big smile.
Leaning over to her partner, Judy whispered too quietly for Aster to overhear. "What do you think of his chances?"
"I think that one way or another, he's gonna wake up tomorrow morning with some fresh claw marks." He gave her a sidelong glance. "So...a hare and a bobcat, eh?"
"Yup."
"Kinda unusual."
"Not really." Judy shrugged. "I mean, my sister Agatha is dating a wolverine."
"Seriously? Isn't Agatha the one with the thick glasses? Big-time bookworm?"
"That's her."
"It's always the quiet ones..." Shaking his head, he glanced back to Aster. The hare was grinning nervously as Lagounov ran a single claw through the fur of his neck, a flirtatious little smile gracing her features. "That seems to be going well."
"Nick, don't stare."
"Fine." He grumbled, turning his chair back around. "But if she pounces on him and I miss it..."
"I'll let you know, Slick."
"You better." He warned her playfully. "So, do you think they'll be doing another exchange?"
"No idea. Honestly, even if they do, I'm kinda hoping we get to stay here. I really liked showing Daphne around the city."
"I guess. It was fun playing tour guide, but I still prefer riding with you."
"Don't worry, Nick." She tapped the rim of her glass against his cider bottle. "I don't see that changing anytime soon."
~o~o~o~
"Hey, Carrots. I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Sure. What's on your mind?"
"Last week, right before the exchange officers left, Daphne and I got to talking." The fox paused, considering his next words carefully. "She put some things in perspective for me, and I wanted to ask if y-"
"Hopps! Wilde! My office! NOW!"
Nick glanced nervously at his partner, his unasked question forgotten by both of them as they rushed toward the Chief's booming voice. Reaching the buffalo's door, Judy cautiously stuck her head in. "Sir?"
"Get in here, both of you. Close the door."
Following a step behind his partner, Nick tried to ignore the ominous feeling that appeared in his stomach when the door clicked shut. He reminded himself, just as Judy often did, there was no sense being paranoid.
"Don't bother sitting down. You won't be here long." The buffalo tapped a pair of folders on his desk. "I've just completed a full review of your performance over the last four years. It must be said that the majority of your work with the ZPD has been outstanding"
"Thank you, Chief!" Judy chirped, bouncing happily on her toes as Nick let himself relax just a little more.
"However, information has recently come to light that causes me to doubt whether the two of you belong on the streets." He openly glared at them from across his desk. "In fact, it has brought me to the conclusion that having either of you in a patrol car is a waste of valuable ZPD resources."
As his partner froze in place and let out a faint choking sound, Nick took a hesitant step forward. "Sir, I'm not sure what you've heard, but..."
"Shut it, Wilde!" The buffalo snapped. "Effective immediately, I'm removing you both from the patrol roster. What's more, if I have anything to say about it neither of you will ever wear those uniforms again."
Nick felt his throat begin to close off in terror. He knew it. He knew it! That stupid buffalo was still exacting his revenge for the damn mannequin incident, and now he'd finally gone in for the kill. This wasn't fair! And where the hell did he get off pulling Judy into this? Nick was just about ready to tear the Chief a new one when his partner's plaintive voice stopped him cold.
"Why, sir?" The bunny cried, looking every bit as heartbroken as she sounded. "I...I just...please...why?!"
"Because your test scores from last month's exam came in." Bogo revealed with the faintest hint of a smile. "And I'm promoting both of you to detective."
After nearly a minute of silent gawking, Nick was the first to find his voice. "Why did you tell us like that?!"
"Because your fear amuses me, Wilde." Sliding a pair of folders across the desk, he waved toward the door. "Take these forms to Mammal Resources, and congratulations to you both. Dismissed."
oooooooooooo
If you don't get the Super Troopers reference, go watch that movie immediately. If you did get the reference, go watch Super Troopers anyway. Because it's awesome.