Happy new week, everyone! Hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm still planning on an upload a day, but this weeks dockets are a bit of a mess, so you'll have to forgive me if we have some missteps. Hope everyone is still enjoying! Let's get to it.

Lauren woke up the next morning in bed, alone. She rolled to her side to check the time on her phone, seeing it was just after 8 in the morning. Dimly, she had the thought that she couldn't remember the last time she had slept that long. She pulled herself up, pulling on a tee shirt and underwear as she made her way towards the kitchen.

The scent of coffee greeted her. Bo was sitting at the counter, drinking from a mug, dressed in leggings and a sweat dampened tee shirt. The leggings were black, the shirt a heathered grey. Lauren wasn't sure, but she thought it was the tee shirt she had stolen from Lauren a few months earlier, that had "Nirvana" printed in the band's font above a picture of the members of Hanson. Michael had given it to her for Christmas years before, but she had never worn it. She couldn't remember when exactly Bo had found it, but ever since that time it had been hers. Lauren took in Bo's hair, which was pulled up, and saw she was reading something on her phone.

"Morning," Lauren mumbled as she continued to cross to the coffee. Bo jumped.

Lauren sighed at the extreme startle reaction. "Another run?"

Bo glanced at her sideways.

Lauren poured herself a mug of coffee. "How far today?" She was facing Bo now, and saw that she had been right about the shirt.

"Not far," Bo deflected.

"Are marathons what you're going to do instead of therapy?"

Bo went slightly rigid, her muscles seemingly preparing for a fight.

Lauren put up a hand, hoping to halt the reflex as she finished a sip of coffee. "I'm not trying to argue."

Bo relaxed slightly.

"But, if you aren't going to do therapy, I do think we should acknowledge that you're suffering from some pretty hardcore anxiety right now."

Bo glanced at her. "Anxiety?"

Lauren rolled her eyes. "Seriously? Yes, anxiety. You can't sleep, when you do you have nightmares. You're so unable to keep still that you've taken up running God knows how far every day, you jump every time someone comes near you…you have anxiety. I'm shocked you aren't having full blown panic attacks yet."

Bo didn't say anything.

Lauren sighed. "Unless you already are."

"I don't think I am," Bo answered, quickly.

Lauren shook her head. "What did it feel like, and when did it happen?"

"It was nothing."

"What did it feel like," Lauren repeated, with more emphasis.

"It was just…when I was out for a run, I got kind of…short of breath. Which is normal for a run, I'm just out of shape."

"Except that it was different than you had been feeling, or else it wouldn't have stood out to you at all." Lauren took another drink of her coffee. "When did it happen?"

Bo sighed. "I was running and I saw…someone."

"Who?"

"I don't know who she was," Bo replied.

Understanding dawned in Lauren. "But she looked like the woman he killed?"

Bo shifted her eyes down, and took a sip of her own coffee.

"And you felt – what, exactly?"

Bo cleared her throat. "It was nothing."

"Bo."

"I felt…I don't know, I just thought it was her for a second for some reason."

"And you felt like you were having a heart attack? Like you couldn't breathe? Dizziness, nausea?"

Bo didn't answer.

"Yeah, Bo, that's a panic attack. Has it only happened once?"

"Yes," Bo answered.

Lauren nodded. "And you still won't go talk to someone?"

"Lauren…"

Lauren took a deep breath. Silence flooded the room, fast and thick. Lauren took the time to gather herself, to regather herself into a supportive partner before she spoke again.

"Are you working a shift at the Dal today?"

Bo looked up. "Can I?"

Lauren laughed without humor. "I'm not your jailor, Bo. I get it, you can't stop working yet. Incidentally, that's also the anxiety, but whatever. I know you aren't ready to be still yet. I just want to help. If going to the Dal is going to help…I'll go with you."

"You don't have to do that, Lauren."

Lauren reached over and took Bo's hands. Bo looked at her. "Unless you tell me you don't want me there, I feel like this falls under the whole 'for better or worse' part of the vows."

Bo gave Lauren a small smile. "I'm so lucky to have you," she said, quietly.

"Well that's obvious," Lauren replied, standing back up. "What time do we need to leave?"

Throughout the morning, Lauren caught herself surreptitiously watching Bo. She tried not to make it obvious, keeping her eyes trained on other things as often as possible. Bo refused to sit still for more than a minute or two at time – she was constantly finding something to do, something to clean, some chore or task to complete.

At about 10 Bo started another pot of coffee. Lauren was seated at the counter, leafing through a book that she wasn't bothering to actually read, and trying to quietly observe Bo. Without looking up at Lauren, Bo said, "so, how am I doing?"

"What?"

Bo smiled, still focused on the coffeepot. "You've been watching me all morning. Am I passing or failing?"

Lauren drew a breath. "I'm not watching you…"

Bo glanced up, giving a small roll of her eyes.

"Okay, so I'm watching you."

"And how am I doing?" Bo asked again.

Lauren chewed on her lower lip, thinking of what to say next. As she thought, she began to notice Bo bouncing her foot, her hands twitching to find small tasks within her reach. Lauren stood up and walked around the counter, approaching Bo.

Bo paused at Lauren's approach, clearly uncertain what was about to happen. "I just want to check something," Lauren said.

Lauren reached her hands up and pulled Bo in quickly, kissing her hard. Bo startled at the sudden contact but was fast in responding, her hands automatically falling to Lauren's hips. Lauren put her hand behind Bo's head, angling her to kiss her deeper, her body pushing flush against Bo's. She felt her heart pound at the closeness of Bo, the warmth of her, and she shifted her body against Bo, her mind intoxicated on the feelings Bo provided.

Then, just as quickly, she pulled back, releasing Bo, who stood stunned and quiet. Lauren stepped back, observing her, as Bo gathered herself.

"Wh…what was that for?"

"Scientific research," Lauren answered, her voice husky from the contact.

Bo's eyes drifted open. "What?"

"You stopped fidgeting," Lauren observed.

Bo glanced at her own body as if some answer would be written there. "What are you talking about?"

Lauren stepped forward again and gave Bo a soft, chaste kiss. "C'mon, make your coffee, we need to leave soon." Lauren turned and walked towards the bedroom to change, leaving a dazed and confused Bo in the kitchen behind her.

Lauren and Bo went to the Dal in the early afternoon. Bo immediately began working, doing as many things as she could, acting as though she could run the business alone. There weren't many people in the bar yet given that it was still early, and over time Lauren found herself sitting on a barstool, quietly observing Bo work. Without her quite noticing, Kenzi approached her.

"How's she making out?" Kenzi asked, her voice down so that Bo could not hear them.

Lauren glanced at Kenzi in a silent greeting. "I'm not sure. I don't think she realizes how bad her anxiety has gotten."

"Probably because she's never acknowledged she has it," Kenzi replied.

Lauren nodded. "Has she always gotten this anxious? Or is this time worse?'

Kenzi sat down beside Lauren. "It's weird, she's so good at handling shit, but sometimes she just gets thrown. We've seen her bad before. This is a bad one. Probably top five."

Lauren felt her heart clench at the idea of Bo going through this at other times in the past without proper supports, without a partner to help her. "She's started running."

Kenzi snorted. "Yeah, she does things like that. I remember once after some big thing with her mom, right before her dad got arrested one time, she took up tennis. That was a weird month."

"Month?"

Kenzi shrugged. "It varies."

Lauren nodded her understanding. They were quiet for a few moments. "She's having panic attacks," Lauren commented. "I don't know how many, or how often."

Kenzi sighed. "I don't know if that's new or not. You know how she is. She won't talk about stuff like that."

"I wish she would. I don't know what to do for her, how to approach things. I think she's worried about being…weak, or something. Vulnerable."

"Our mothers were weak," Kenzi said with a bit of unconscious bitterness and Lauren wasn't even sure Kenzi noticed in her own voice.

Lauren quirked an eyebrow at Kenzi.

Kenzi gave her a look and an apologetic smile. "Bo and I don't talk about growing up much, but…we don't have to talk about it to have an understanding, you know? And I was there for a lot of it. I remember one day being at Bo's house, and her mom was all strung out on something, whatever she could get her hands on at that point, I guess. I don't really remember what was going on, or what we were doing at her house, or anything like that. I remember Bo arguing with her mom, yelling at her, asking her why she wouldn't just change if she was so unhappy. What I remember the most, though, is what her mom said back. She said 'happiness is a story we tell ourselves over and over and over again until we forget that it's a lie.'" Kenzi went quiet, her eyes looking faraway as she remembered. "We were about 12 when she said that. I don't know why that's stuck with me all these years, but…" she shrugged.

Lauren sat quietly, waiting for Kenzi to continue.

"Bo doesn't like to admit it, but she's spent her whole life trying to retroactively fix her mom. Not directly, obviously, but…she's always fighting for an underdog, or standing up for people. She hates her dad, and in in a lot of ways hates her mom, too, but she pities her mom. When something goes bad, like this thing went bad, it just…she can't handle it all being so out of her control again. She wants to fix it. She struggles when she can't."

"Is that what happened the other day? Is that what you two fought about?"

Kenzi gave a quiet snort of laughter. "Oh, LoLo, Bo and I have had it out a lot over the years. I wouldn't even call that one a fight. But yeah. She doesn't like it when her issues are pointed out to her."

They lapsed back into quiet. Eventually, Lauren placed a light hand on Kenzi's arm. Kenzi jumped slightly but didn't pull away. "Kenzi –"

Kenzi cut her off with a wave of her hand. "I think that's enough Dr. Phil for one day," Kenzi replied, rearranging her face back into the mask that Lauren was used to. "She'll come through it. It'll just take time."

Lauren nodded, feeling like she needed to say something else to Kenzi, give her some acknowledgement of what they had just shared, but as she tried to find the words Kenzi slid from the barstool and stood up. "Uh, excuse me, if you have time to lean, you have time to clean, Ms. Dennis!" she called out to Bo, who was standing next to a half-cleaned booth looking at something on her phone.

Bo looked up and rolled her eyes at Kenzi, pushing the phone back into her pocket.

The evening wore on and the Dal started to fill up with the weekend crowd. Soon Bo and Lauren found themselves busy, caught up in the work that needed to be done to keep the bar running smoothly.

Lauren felt lulled by the familiar rhythms of the bar, comforted by the sounds and smells that had come to feel so much like home to her in such a short time. She smiled at regulars, listened to Dyson and Kenzi bicker, listened to Tamsin bragging about her latest conquest. She noticed she didn't see much of Bo, and when she did, she seemed to be on her phone a lot. With a resigned sigh, Lauren accepted that this was likely work related. But, short of forcing Bo to retire, there wasn't much she could do about that, was there?

As the bar was winding down for the night, Lauren looked for Bo. When she couldn't find her, she walked towards the back office. As she approached the door, she heard Bo's voice, slightly raised, coming from inside. She couldn't make out what she was saying, but heard the phone loudly drop on the desk just before she turned the knob to walk in.

Bo jumped slightly when she saw Lauren. "Hey," she said, her face looking almost guilty, like she had been caught out doing something wrong.

"Everything okay?" Lauren asked, warily.

Bo's features were tight, her muscles rigid, her fight or flight reflex seemingly warring with itself. "I'm fine," Bo answered quickly. At the desk, her leg was bouncing rapidly.

Lauren sighed. "Bo, listen…"

Before she continued, Bo stood up and quickly crossed the room to Lauren, pushing the door shut. Bo pulled Lauren to her, and Lauren felt her eyes fall closed on instinct, taking a deep inhale of Bo as Bo crashed her lips against Lauren's. She felt Bo's tongue push into her mouth, felt Bo's hands grip at her ass, her fingers flexing and pulling Lauren against her harder. Lauren became distantly aware that Bo had pressed her against the door. She felt her hips jerking slightly forward at the feeling of Bo's fingers. She dragged her hands up Bo's sides, her hands curving around the sides of Bo's breasts, gently kneading at the soft flesh beneath her shirt.

She felt Bo's groan vibrate through her and felt her center throb in answer. Releasing Bo's lips, she attached herself to side of Bo's neck as she roughly pushed her hands under Bo's shirt, suddenly desperate for skin.

Focus her brain shouted at her, and with difficulty she pulled her hands back down, releasing her hold on Bo. Undeterred, Bo flexed her fingers again, drawing Lauren's hips against hers, seeking to kiss Lauren again.

"Bo," Lauren breathed. "Bo, we need to talk."

Bo didn't answer, but kissed Lauren again, and Lauren silently cursed her body for its predictable response to Bo. She kissed Bo again, willing her hands to still, attempting to convince herself that this was going to be a conversation.

When Bo shifted to take a breath, Lauren spoke again. "Bo, please, we need to talk."

Bo sighed deeply and put her forehead against Lauren's. "I don't want to talk," she replied. "I want to do this." She kissed Lauren again.

Lauren fell into the kiss, allowing herself another moment, before she tried again. She felt Bo's logic, or lack thereof, settling into her muscles. This has been an awful week. Was it really so bad to just enjoy each other? If it had taught them anything, it should have taught them that life was short and they should seize their time together. Carpe diem and all that shit.

She felt Bo's fingers, felt the insistent push of her mouth. Passionate, yes, but also… You know this isn't about the two of you right now. You know this about avoiding what is going on. It's not some carped diem about how much you love each other. It's just kinetic. This isn't healthy. This is a diversionary tactic. Hating the logical part of her mind, she pulled back again.

"We can't just have sex and pretend that'll fix everything. We need to talk, to work through some of this." Her voice was husky even to her own ears. Bo was still holding her to the door, her body flush against Lauren. She knew she could move if she wanted to, but she didn't, not really, her own attraction to Bo betraying her.

Bo's eyes were wild, and Lauren took her in, noting that she looked…broken.

"Lauren, please…I just…I don't want to talk right now. I just need you." She pulled Lauren back and kissed her deeply again. Lauren felt herself slipping. Bo slid her hand up to cradle Lauren's jaw and then pulled back slowly, breaking the kiss. They both were breathing rapidly, trying to calm themselves.

"I know we need to talk," Bo admitted quietly, not meeting Lauren's eyes. "But for tonight…please…can we just go home?"

Lauren softly put her hand on Bo's cheek, forcing her to meet her eyes. She kissed Bo softly, sweetly, and then pulled back. This wasn't the answer. But at the haunted look in Bo's eyes, she relented. "Okay."

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