I don't own these characters; Disney/ABC does.
7: Bolt
Regina grabbed the mail as she came in from work. Flipping through it, Duckling had mail, a plain envelope, and she had an inkling as to what it was. Duckling was on the sofa, watching television, idly tapping that infernal bell on her collar. Regina dropped the envelope on her face.
"Regina!" Duckling sat up, face scrunched up from being interrupted.
"I'm giving you your mail," Regina replied with an amused smirk.
Duckling blinked. "Wait, what? I got mail? Like regular mail?" She looked down at the envelope now in her lap. "I got regular mail and you didn't open it?" Her brow furrowed in confusion.
Regina shook her head. "I truly worry over your life before here." Her mother used to open her mail and it never failed to enrage her. It also gave her mother knowledge to use against her.
Duckling waved that off. "Don't worry about it. Life is cool now and it's getting better every moment. Hell, I'm getting better every moment." She grinned as she fiddled with her envelope.
Regina was certain her preening could be seen from space. Her heart fluttered. "Well, are you going to open it?"
"Good point!" Duckling sat up taller and held up the envelope, studying it as if it might give her the secrets of the universe. Her hands shook, paper fluttering echoing through the quiet room.
Regina resisted the urge to snatch the paper from Duckling. Duckling deserved to open this. She put her hand on Duckling's wrist to support her. Duckling stared at her with big, hazel eyes. She had to kiss Duckling's cheek. Paper ripped and Regina pulled back to see the envelope open.
Duckling scanned the paper and gasped. "I passed!" A hysterical laugh escaped her, as if she expected otherwise.
Regina smiled and squeezed Duckling's wrist. "Of course you did. You poured yourself into this, like you did when you fixed your car. You get things done when you put your mind to it."
Duckling grinned. "You really think I can do stuff, huh?"
Regina caressed her head and kissed her cheek again. "I know you can." After all, you helped heal me. "You're a wonderful person, Duckling. You only need a chance."
Duckling nodded. "And kisses." She pointed to her mouth.
"Of course. You always want kisses." Regina was quite happy to oblige, cupping Duckling's face with both hands and peppering her lips with short kisses. Little jolts of delight buzzed between them.
Duckling smiled, like the sun shined on her soul, accepting every kiss as if it was the first one. "And you always spoil me with kisses."
"You deserve it. Such a good girl." Regina rubbed their noses together. Oh, where did that come from? Duckling brought out all of these ridiculous actions from her. The nose rub went to a spark through her, which seeped through her.
Duckling cooed, shivering with delight. "Oh, I like that so much."
"I'm proud of you."
Duckling shivered. She probably had not heard that phrase much in her life. Regina caressed Duckling's hair as Duckling stared at her GED paper.
"You're amazing," Regina said.
"This is incredible," Duckling whispered. "Can I lie in your lap?"
Regina laughed. "Of course, but let me take off my work clothes."
"Can we order in? I kinda wanna lie in your lap and enjoy life."
Regina was fine with that. She took a quick shower and returned to the couch clad in a dark blue camisole and black yoga pants. Duckling wasted no time crawling into Regina's lap. Regina ordered some Chinese food and rubbed Duckling's back as some show played on television. Duckling fell asleep before the food arrived, which was fine. She earned it.
Regina genuinely was proud of Duckling. She went from being homeless to someone with a GED in less than a year. More than that, Duckling had improved Regina's life in less than a year. Almost restored my faith in people. With luck, they would be able to continue doing that.
-8-8-8-8-
Emma sat in her nest, making notes on her life and what she needed to do. She had to move quickly, especially with Robin making fumbling attempts to "win" Regina back. He was probably one of those guys who thought that sort of thing was romantic, like Hook. Robin would probably pop up more, wearing on Regina.
Now, she doubted Regina was dumb enough to give Robin another chance, no matter how annoying he was. But, that did not mean some other high-powered asshole might not come around and make a move on Regina. It was time to do something big to have a real chance with Regina.
Emma had a plan. Well, more so than she had ever had in her life. Now, not only was it time to be an adult, but time to better herself. I'm gonna kick life's ass. She would stand on her own two feet, so she had to cut the leash first and foremost.
When morning rolled around, Emma took a deep breath as she faced Regina. "So… Regina," Emma said, scratching the back of her neck. Her stomach roiled. Stop, this is the right decision. Yeah, it sucks now, but it'll pay off in the long run. It had to.
"Come eat, Duckling." Regina put down a breakfast burrito on the coffee table.
"Um…" Emma was not sure if she should eat the burrito. Not sure if she could eat the burrito, not with the way her stomach twisted.
Should I do this in the morning? It might be unfair. They had a limited amount of time. Regina had to go to work. There would not be time to talk about this like if she did this at night, but was there anything to talk about? The decision was made. Emma's stomach bubbled.
Regina turned to her. "What's going on, Duckling? You need to eat."
"I know." Emma held her hands up in surrender and held in a groan. Her stomach would not stop. "In a second." She glanced at her nest and took a deep breath. It did nothing for the twist in her guts. If she was not careful, she would throw up right at that very moment. "Um… so, I was thinking…" Say it!
"Duckling, are you all right?" Regina stepped closer, leaving barely a foot between them. It was like she knew Emma needed the space. She studied Emma, scanning her face like Emma's expression might clue her in as to what was going on with Emma.
Emma stared into Regina's eyes, chest tightening, making each breath more and more painful, as she took in the concern swirling in deep brown eyes. It took every ounce of resolve not to crumble into herself and then fall into Regina's arms. Be strong. You're doing the right thing. "So… I'm not… Here's the thing, I'm super grateful for you."
Regina arched an eyebrow. "You've said similar things before."
"Yeah, and I appreciate the opportunities you've given me. Like, from the bottom of my heart, you know?"
Regina straightened, sensing doom now. Her face was like she might be sick. "Duckling, what are you trying to say?"
Emma took a deep breath and scratched the back of her neck. "I think I should move out." Somehow, her guts did not spill out onto the floor after saying the words despite the fact they burned her throat as they came out.
Regina's brow furrowed. "What? Why the hell would you move out?" The question had some bite to it, but mostly confusion.
Emma's body hurt, but she sucked up the pain. She had to continue on. "I just think that's my next step. I want to be an adult. I want to improve, so I need to be able to take care of myself… properly, you know? Not like I was doing before I showed up here. I need to do more than survive on my own."
"Why do you need to move out to do that?" Regina demanded, a fire building in her eyes. "You've improved since you got here, so logically you can continue to improve from here."
Emma took Regina's hands, which vibrated with rage. "That's it. I needed you as my safety net to make it to this place. Now, I want to prove to us both that I can work without a net."
"Is this more feral cat nonsense?" Regina glared, that forehead vein popping up like smoke from a volcano. Regina was ready to blow her top already.
Emma laughed, trying to lighten the mood, as her throat tightened. "No. This is me growing up."
"You're an idiot, you know that?" Regina yanked her hands away.
Emma flinched, guts sinking like a stone. "You tell me that a lot."
"You think moving out suddenly makes you a grown-up? Means you're working without a net? You didn't have a net before you moved in here!" Regina's voice was a roar. This was the person most people knew as the mayor standing before Emma. Someone who could crush people with her voice alone, wither them with a stare, and bend them to her will if it meant she would no longer be upset with them.
Emma held up her hands in surrender, as her insides trembled. "I know. And believe me, I know moving out doesn't make me an adult, but it's a step closer. I want to be able to take care of myself if necessary, properly this time, and I want to be able to take care of you."
Regina's face was bright red. "What the hell do you think you've been doing by being my pet? If you don't want to be Duckling any longer, say so!" Her voice boomed, loud enough that thunder should take lessons from her.
Emma blinked, heart rate increasing, chest hurting. That was information she needed to process, but she did not have the time to do so. She needed to get ahead of this for Regina to stop being upset with her.
"Oh, but I do want to keep being Duckling and keep being your pet, but I want to be a partner to you as well," Emma said. She needed Regina to understand that, needed to understand Emma was doing this for her.
Regina sighed, like she was exhausted and fed up. "Duckling, I'm not looking for a partner."
"Not right now, but when you're ready, I want to be ready, too." Emma put her hand on Regina's shoulder and rubbed, wanting to lift Regina's spirits. "I want to be there for you like you've been there for me."
"You are here for me."
Emma shook her head. Why doesn't Regina get it? I'm nowhere near here for her like she is for me. I can't take care of her yet. "As a pet, but I need to try to be an adult, try to be a partner for you. Please, let me do this."
Regina's eyes shimmered, tears, possibly in anger, but maybe sadness. "So, you don't want to be my Duckling anymore?" Her voice broke.
Emma's eyes burned with tears as well. "What? Yes, I wanna stay your Duckling! I love being Duckling!" She pressed her hands to her chest, which felt like it might cave in from the slightest pressure. "I don't want to stop being Duckling. Ever. I just want to go out and become an adult. I want to be someone worthy of dating you."
Regina scowled, but glistening eyes searched Emma's face. "What does that even mean?"
Emma threw her hands up. "You deserve nice things! Trips, meals, any and everything your heart desires." How did Regina not know that? Emma could not do any of those things for her and she deserved all that and more.
Regina's scowl tensed. "I can give myself those things, Duckling." The tone made it clear she was over this entire conversation and thought Emma was an idiot.
Emma's hands returned to her chest, heart hammering under her fingertips, punching her ribs. "Yeah, but I wanna give them to you!"
"For what?" Regina stomped her foot.
"To make you happy."
"You already make me happy." Regina glanced away. "Are you unhappy?" Now, her voice was a whisper, almost lost to the quiet.
Emma sniffled, heart splintering the more this went on. "I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. I didn't know it was fucking possible to be this happy." This might have been the truest statement she ever made in her whole existence. "I want to be able to provide for you if necessary because you make me so damn happy. I want to be able to spoil the hell out of you because you make me so damn happy. Regina, I want to give you the world." She wanted to be able to give Regina everything.
"But, I only want you." Regina's voice cracked.
Emma's heart shattered. She's so hurt, but I need to do this. "You'll still have me. I promise. I'm not trying to leave you. I… I wanna level up." She rubbed her eye with one hand to keep tears at bay. "You're top tier and I'm under the bottom of the barrel, even now. I just…" Emma shook her head. She was not explaining this well. "I'm so damn happy with you, Regina. I feel like I could eat the world, you know?"
Regina studied her. "I am unfamiliar with this saying, but this means a lot to you, Duckling."
"It does!" It meant everything. "And, again, I'm not trying to leave forever. I want to stay Duckling. I just want to be more. You gave me a chance to be more. You made me believe I'm capable of being more than what this world pushed me to be. You made more than I've ever been by allowing me to be Duckling. I never want to stop being Duckling. I want to be Duckling-plus."
Regina nodded, face less red, but eyes still shimmering. Her forehead vein remained. "Duckling-plus. Why do you need to move out for that?"
"I need to stand on my own for a little while." She needed to build herself up.
Regina swallowed. "So, you plan to come back?" A tear fell, like she feared that was not true.
Emma grabbed Regina's hands and held on tight. "Hell, yeah. As long as you'll have me, as long as this is home."
More tears fell as Regina's eyes locked with her. "This will always be your home, Duckling."
Emma grinned to the point it hurt her face. Her heart thumped with hope and joy. "I hope that's true. I love it here."
"Yet you want to leave." Regina's mouth trembled. She put her hand over her mouth, hiding or trying to hold it together. Maybe both. She did not remove her other hand from Emma's grip.
Emma squeezed Regina's hand. "I feel safe to leave, discover more, and come back. I'm not running away, I promise. I want to live here. I want to be with you. I want to… I want to feel like I deserve this and deserve you." A tear ran down Emma's face.
Regina wiped Emma's tear away with a brush of her knuckles. The touch was tender, making more tears happen. "Duckling, your value isn't determined by those around you."
"I know." Emma sniffled. "It's determined by me and I just… Regina, you don't understand how you're the best person I've ever met, ever known. I wanna say you can't understand, but I want to get to a place where you do understand it. I wanna get to a place where I can do half of what you do for me for you."
Regina shook her head. "You're the one who doesn't understand if you view this as one-sided."
Emma's mouth quivered. "I'm in awe of you. So, maybe a little of this is about me trying to be like you. I want to be able to support myself like you. I dunno. There's so much, but…" More tears came and Emma shook her head.
Regina again wiped away Emma's tears and did nothing of her own as more poured down Regina's face. "It hurts to know you feel like you need to grow, but I'm hearing how you feel you need this. You're not a prisoner here. You can leave whenever you want and I understand you want my blessing to do so. I'll give you that. I want you to be the best you can be and you think this will get you there. But, again, be aware it hurts." The way Regina's voice shattered at the end told her everything Emma needed from this discussion.
Emma held in a wince. Regina's voice hurt worse than a sucker punch. She wrapped her arms around Regina and held her tight. It was like trying to hold her own heart together.
"I'm sorry. I'm not rejecting you or leaving you. I don't want you to hurt. I want to be the best I can be while with you," Emma whispered, body trembling. Regina had to feel it.
Regina was quiet for a moment, but swallowed loud enough for Emma to hear it. "I'd never stop you from bettering yourself, Duckling. If you think you need this, then please, do this."
Emma pressed Regina close and bawled like this was the end of the world. Her body shook with each sob. Even when Regina was in pain, she was willing to take care of Emma.
"This is why you're the best person I've ever met. I promise I'm gonna keep being Duckling. I need to keep being Duckling. I need you. I'll always need you," Emma said with sniffles.
Regina wrapped her arms around Emma's middle, tucking her head against Emma's chest. It took moments for her tears to soak Emma's t-shirt. Damn. Each sob tore holes in Emma's torso and ripped chunks out of her soul.
"I'm going to trust you. I'm going to trust that you'll be back," Regina replied, her voice low, broken.
Somehow, Emma managed to clutch Regina closer. "I will. I promise."
"Then, go wash your face and eat breakfast."
Emma nodded, trying to smile, but the way her stomach turned, she only grimaced. It was a shock her muscles worked enough for that. Now was anything inside of her still functioning? She was so drained, emptied. This was harder than she ever would have been able to anticipate.
Emma rushed to the bathroom to wash her face, doing her best not to throw up. She locked eyes with herself in the mirror. Red, cracked eyes stared back, begging her to stay, pleading with her to not hurt Regina more. She shook her head.
"You have to do this. You have to do something to be worthy of all of this," Emma said. She needed to do this, to grow, but her stomach was in her feet and her throat burned as bile climbed. It was not better when she left the bathroom. Regina was gone. She ran back into the bathroom and threw up in the toilet.
-8-8-8-8-
It was a coward's move to leave while Emma was in the bathroom, but Regina had to escape from the house or she would not survive. She would have crumbled to dust and ash right then and there. A small gust of wind would have blown her away like a wooden structure in a nuclear blast.
On an intellectual level, she understood what Duckling was doing and what she needed. Hell, even on an emotional level, she understood Duckling was trying to mature. It was admirable. That did not make it hurt less.
Regina had been emotionally shredded, and decimated, many times in her life. The death of Daniel. The death of her father. Hell, even the time her mother sent Zelena to boarding school to pretend she only had one child was gut-wrenching. This was different. Duckling choosing to leave was like being flayed and slowly dipped into boiling oil. Constant agony that she was aware would grow worse as time ticked by.
It was more than Duckling deciding to leave. Duckling would not come back. She might think she would, but no one ever came back. Daniel and Daddy were still dead. She and Zelena never recovered a true sibling relationship and even now when they knew Mother played them against each other, they would more often side with Mother than with each other. There was no going back, ever.
She wasted no time going to the cafe to meet up with Maleficent. She would try to manage some cooking to take her mind off of Duckling's decision. Yet, she sat in the car once she parked, staring ahead into the darkness, seeing nothing. A rap on the window made her jump. She turned to discover Maleficent at her door.
"I'd ask if you're okay, but that's obvious," Maleficent said and she eased into the passenger seat. "You want to talk about it?"
"Duckling's moving out," Regina replied before she was able to compose herself.
Maleficent's mouth dropped open. "Moving out? I thought things were going well with you."
Regina squinted as she tried to make sense of what was happening. "Everything is fine, which is why she's moving out."
Blonde curls swayed as Maleficent shook her head. "That doesn't make sense."
"She feels safe and secure enough to leave and figure out how to be an adult to take care of herself. She knows that at any point she can simply come home." Regina sniffled. And, she really could. No matter how this went, Regina was certain if at any point Emma asked to come back, she would let her.
"Oh." Maleficent embraced Regina. "I'm sorry."
The hug did nothing to piece Regina back together. "I understand why she needs this, but I'm so scared, Mal. She's not going to come back." That was the worst of it. Duckling was very independent and only pretended to need Regina. At the end of the day, she would realize she was more than capable of taking care of herself and in a much better position than she had been when she first agreed to be Duckling. She would not need to come back.
Maleficent squeezed her tight. Still nothing. "What? Of course, she is."
"She's not. This is the beginning of the end." Duckling would meet much better people than Regina and be reminded that Regina was far from the best of humanity. Things would get better for Duckling and she would forget Regina existed.
Maleficent sat back and studied her hard. "Did she say that?"
"Of course not. In her mind, this doesn't change anything. She even thinks she can still be Duckling. She doesn't realize what a day of work will do to her, especially if she works with or for idiots. She'll have to figure out her own meals and take care of bills."
Maleficent laughed. "Those things should drive her right back into your arms."
Regina sighed, spirit in a dark abyss. "Yes, but I don't want her to return because of misery or failure. I want her to be as happy as she makes me."
Maleficent pulled back to look at her with a soft smile. "You really love that damned Duckling, huh?"
The idea of Duckling warmed Regina. "I do." There was no way to hide it at this point. "I'm not sure what type of love it is, but I want the world for her. She says she wants the same for me."
"Ah. Why not just date?"
Regina rubbed her forehead. "She wants to. I don't think I do. I don't feel cut out for dating right now." She was not in the right mental space to date, not even Duckling. "Duckling is the closest person I've been to since Daniel and I didn't date either of them." She had stuck around with Daniel, unable to date him like a regular teenager thanks to her mother.
Maleficent pursed her lips. "You're actually right. I've always enjoyed you more when we're not dating. Not to mention, you're the only person I know who went on one date with Tink and she wanted to punch you by the end of it."
Regina chuckled, weaker than usual, but it was better than sorrow. "We stressed each other out."
"Yes, something like how you and I stressed each other out. Duckling is different, though. There's a reason you love her, a reason you let her back in, and a reason you're willing to let her go. You have faith in Duckling to do right by you, but also a fear that she won't because who has?"
"No one."
"No one you've dated, anyway. But, you know you have people with you. You're worth hanging on to and Duckling is very aware of that. She'll be back."
Regina would never believe that. If Duckling did come back, it meant something went wrong and nothing else needed to go wrong in Duckling's life. "But, why will she be back? I don't want it to be because of failure. I also don't want to seem like her only option."
Maleficent stroked Regina's cheek with one finger. "You've given her confidence and room to grow. You've done right by her. I'm sure she'll do right by you."
Regina calmed, but was not back to herself yet. "So, you think she'll be back because she'll be able to do the things she wants to do?" Again, Regina could not see that happening. If Duckling ended up being the type of person she wanted to be, she would not want anything to do with Regina.
"I think she'll be back regardless. If she fails, she'll come back to be built up again, so she can try again. If she succeeds, she'll be back because she wants to be with you. But, no matter what, she wants to be with you. She loves you, too. You put your faith in a good one."
"Do you honestly believe that?" Regina was surprised Maleficent believed in Duckling so much. Her stomach unwound somewhat, like she should have faith.
"I do. You two are cute together." Maleficent snickered.
Regina was not used to being described as such, especially with a significant other. Her relationship with Duckling was markedly different than any other relationship she had. It did not need dating. Of course, she had to let Duckling go, had to let Duckling grow. This is insane.
"Ready to exit?" Maleficent asked.
"I suppose so. But…" Regina sighed, shoulders dropping with the heaviness of shame. "I ran out after she told me."
Maleficent's eyebrows knitted close together as she took in the words. "You ran out?"
"Yes. She was crying, so I told her to go wash her face and while she did that, I ran out. I'm sure that hurt her, but I didn't know what else to do." She did not want to crumble in front of Duckling. That would only make Duckling stay and resent her. "This was so much and I was overwhelmed."
Maleficent rubbed her shoulder. "I'm sure she'll still be home when you go back. Do you think she lined up someplace to live that fast? You'll be able to talk it out tonight. Don't worry over it."
Regina blew out a thick breath and ran her hand through her hair. It was difficult as hell to keep from crying. There was no reason to cry, just an assumption that Duckling might never come back. She would be alone, unloved, as she always feared. This would only prove she was unlovable.
"Talk to me, Regina. Get it together, so you know what to say to Duckling," Maleficent said.
Regina rubbed her chin. "I'm not sure exactly what I'll say to her. I'll take some time to think it over as we work."
Cooking and baking usually helped Regina clear her mind and order her thoughts, but she remained muddled the entire day. Her insides jumbled, fear mixing with the thought of having to do right by Duckling. No matter what, she had to do the right thing for Duckling.
By the time Regina went home, she was still not sure what to say. Her gut twisted as she stood at the door, hand trembling as she put the key in. The knob rattled in her grip.
What if Duckling was not home? What if she left while Regina was not there? How was Regina supposed to make it through life now?
"Regina?" Duckling called, hope in her voice.
That gave Regina enough strength to open the door and her heart thumped with joy. "You're still here."
"Of course, I'm still here." Duckling got up from the couch. She clutched her bicep as she focused on Regina, appearing reprimanded. "I'm sorry about this morning. I won't leave if you don't want me to."
Regina shook her head. "No, you should leave," her voice was stronger than she expected. "You want to grow as a person and I'm in favor of that. I just… I'll miss this. I'll miss our routine. I'll miss you. And, well, I'm scared you won't come back."
Duckling laughed and grabbed Regina into a hug. "You really think I'm leaving this?"
"I think you will," Regina replied in a scared whisper.
Duckling pulled back enough to look in her face. Hazel eyes were so earnest and sincere. "I could never. Regina, I have no place I'd rather be than by your side and being spoiled by you. But, I want to level up while I have the chance and you put this desire in me. I promise you, I want to be someone who deserves you."
Regina shook her head, eyes tearing up. Stop crying so much. You're pathetic. "Duckling, no one feels like that. No one wants to deserve me. I'm unlovable."
Duckling frowned. "That's utter bullshit! I freaking love you! I love you so damn much. That's why I wanna be a better person. You made me a better person and I wanna keep doing that. You think I'd be able to live without cuddles? Kisses? Food!" Duckling made a show of gasping, loud breath, and mouth open as wide as it would go.
Regina tried to smile, but the sorrow consumed her, swallowed her whole. "You'll find someone better."
Duckling's brow furrowed, like she did not understand those words. "You're kidding! I told you, you're the best person I know! Regina, I don't know how to say this any plainer. I love you and love being with you. I want to be with you. I don't want to be a bump in your life."
Regina's forehead wrinkled. "A bump? I enjoy you in my life. You've made everything so much better. I like coming home to you. I don't want to come home and you're not here."
Duckling took a deep breath. "I'm gonna come back. I swear."
"I know. I know. No matter what, I'm still going to let you go." Regina wrapped her in a hug and held on. "I just want to hold you for a little longer."
Duckling sighed and relaxed into the embrace. "Hold me as long as you want. I love it. I love you."
Regina would have delighted in and celebrated hearing those words from Duckling. But, right now, she could only hope that was true, as she was eventually going to let Duckling go. She would let Duckling grow as a person. It would hurt like hell, possibly forever, but Duckling deserved this opportunity.
-8-8-8-8-
Next time: they deal with Emma moving out.