Chapter 8: Memories

—

"Harry!" Destiny called, running back into the room. "Sorry I slept so long! I think I was gone longer this time. So sorry. It takes a lot of energy to maintain this simulation you know…"

Seventeen year-old Harry pulled his eyes away from the screen. It had paused upon her return anyway. "It's fine… were these windows all related?" Harry asked quickly.

"Oh, yeah, totally," Destiny responded. "You wanted to see what it could be like dating Hermione, Susan, Luna, and Ginny. Well, I tried and tried but I couldn't find a scenario where this version of you ends up dating Ginny… at least not this year. You both see each other as siblings at this point. Her crush on you faded away a few years ago."

"So… you made a simulation where I dated all three? … at once? Is that where that was leading?" Harry asked, unable to really believe what he'd seen.

"I was able to find lots of scenarios of you dating Susan, Luna, and Hermione, but if I leave the room I have to set just one simulation in motion before I leave. I divided it up into different screens for you just to help you focus on each girl. That last window was my way of showing you that your soulmates are compatible with each other as well. You've had three-way relationships in past lives."

"That year I just watched… It was amazing!" Harry smiled. "I just… it was so weird to watch the other Harry making all those decisions. I felt like I had a little bit of influence again by just watching, but only a little."

"So, which girl or girls did you want to pick? We can re-simulate the year if you just want to pick one or two instead of all three," Destiny said. "So, like, if you wanted to date Luna and Susan but not Hermione, I can redo the year and all those scenes with Hermione won't happen but the ones with Susan and Luna will."

"Do I have to choose right now?" Harry frowned. "It's hard to know who to pick with certainty since I can't feel the simulated Harry's emotions, but I feel it's pretty clear I care for all three of them."

"Oh, silly me, I can help with that!" Destiny said. She waved her hand and a white cabinet Harry hadn't noticed before opened up. Harry immediately recognized a pensive and saw about a hundred in little bottles.

"Behold!" Destiny smiled. "You're past lives. If you want to experience some emotion or memories to connect to one of your soul mates, you just need to drink one of these. You'll remember everything you felt from that life as clearly as you can remember your most recent life now. I can extract the memory from your head again later."

"I drink it?... I don't use the pensive? Harry asked.

"The pensive is for scrutinizing a specific memory," Destiny replied. "You don't need to replay one memory over and over, you want the whole lifetime, right? If you want to have general knowledge about your entire past life, you just need to get the whole thing in you.

"What are these labels?" Harry asked.

"I wrote those. The memories are numbered numerically," Destiny began. "I've also written a little G or S for the house you're sorted into. Funnily enough, you never end up in Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff no matter what you do… And then under that I documented your soulmate's initials for whoever you were with in that lifetime. Bottles with more than one set of initials are lives where you had a multi-relationship. You've never had more than two partners before in past lives, but that doesn't mean you can't try to connect to three or more in your next attempts. Trying for a relationship with all five is pretty unreasonable. You don't even know Daphne since you aren't a Slytherin. But we could work this simulation we've been working on to add Ginny back in a little later in life. Maybe your romance with Ginny will develop when you're older."

Harry grabbed a bottle labeled '21, G, HG/GW'. "I just… drink it?" he asked. Destiny nodded.

Harry took the cork out and downed the little bottle of memory. Every bit of this previous life came flooding back to him. It was a clear as day. It was as memorable as his most recent life. Having two full lifetime's worth of memory within him was a bit overwhelming but he took a few deep breaths, closed his eyes, and focused.

In this life he had married Hermione. Ginny was their secret lover. They were all too afraid to tell anyone else they were a thrupple. Everyone just thought Ginny was a roommate and a close friend who was not interested in dating anyone else.

He was happy. He was loved. He was… fighting for his life.

"Voldemort killed you at age thirty in this one," Destiny said, taking the empty bottle back from him. "You had a daughter by Ginny. You named her Lilly. Ginny felt she had to lie and say she didn't know who the father was. Her honor took a hit but she kept your relationship secret."

"I don't like the idea of keeping a relationship a secret," Harry said. "If I have a multiple relationship in the life we're building… I want everyone to know."

"Definitely," Destiny nodded. She placed a finger against Harry's temple and extracted the memory of that life back into the bottle. Harry could still recall bits and pieces… but mostly just the associated emotions…"

Next he drank one labeled '23, G, SB/LL'. In this one he married Susan and also all of his friends knew Luna was part of the relationship. Susan and Luna were both pregnant when Harry was killed at age twenty-four.

Destiny removed this memory from his head as well. Again, the memories were mostly gone but all the emotional connection was still there. And then he drank another. And another. And another. Most lives he had just one partner. In some lives he had none. In some he had two.

"This is too much," Harry said after about twenty memories. "All the memories of a full lifetime is overwhelming. I need a break."

"Oh, I didn't think of that Harry, I'm sorry," Destiny said. "I'm quite used to having thousands of timelines worth of memories running through my head. But I'm a celestial. You're just one soul… here."

Destiny waved her hands over all one hundred bottles and a few drops came out of each. They coalesced into a small ball of combined memory that she then siphoned into a new bottle.

"I should have just done this from the beginning," Destiny said, handing him the bottle. "This bottle contains all your romantic memories from all your lifetimes. It's little bits of alternate lives you've lived. Most of your memories are not romantic in nature, so the total amount of time contained in this bottle is much smaller than a single lifetime. But you should be able to observe and feel the connections you've had in their entirety.

"Here goes," Harry said, downing the bottle in one gulp. This bottle of memories was much less overwhelming in some ways but much more overwhelming in others. He had much less information in his head than when he's taken in an entire lifetime. However, the emotions he felt for Hermione, Ginny, Luna, and Susan… It was all too much. Harry sharply inhaled as he tried to remain calm, but the tears were already coming. He collapsed to his knees and wept.

"I loved them all so much," he whispered between tears. "They all loved me in turn. Destiny… how can I pick just one of them… or even just two of them?"

"You may not have to," Destiny said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "The last simulation you watched you were very close to starting a three-way relationship with Luna and Susan and they were both in agreement that you should not push Hermione away on your account. I don't know how Ginny fits into that picture but if we simulate a few more years and we play our cards right you can have a proper harem."

"Yuck, don't call it a harem, that makes it sound so crass," Harry complained, looking up at her. "I love them for everything that they are and everything they could become. Calling it a harem makes it sound like it's just about sex."

"Right, sorry," Destiny said. "I meant you can have a proper family."

"Yeah… that's better," Harry smiled. "Okay… I'm better now." Harry said, standing back up. And I think I'd like to keep these memories of love in my head as we continue to craft this simulation. Is that okay?"

"Yep, that's fine, I'll collect them later" Destiny smiled. "Ready to get back to work?"

"Hey, what's this memory? Harry asked, realizing suddenly that one of the bottles was empty but did have a label on it. It read '50, S, DG'. He also noticed that while all the other bottles were labeled with scarlet red ink, this bottle was labeled emerald green. Probably, Harry thought, because he was in Slytherin in this one.

"Oh, that, uh… that was the one time you were in love with Daphne Greengrass," Destiny said hesitantly. "I… keep that one in the pensive sometimes. I like to rewatch that one." Harry couldn't see her face under her hood of course, but he had the distinct impression she was embarrassed.

"Why do you rewatch this memory?" He asked curiously.

"I told you she was my favorite of your soulmates, didn't I?" Destiny sighed. "But alas, she doesn't work for you if you aren't a Slytherin. Being a Slytherin never gets you anywhere close to killing Voldemort."

"Can I see some of this one?" Harry asked. "If she's my soulmate as well I'd like to see the memories. She must be your favorite for a reason…"

"Oh, uh… yeah, you can look at that one if you want," Destiny hesitated. "But I should probably take those other memories out of your head first, right?"

"No, I want them," Harry said defensively, taking a step away from her. "Can I just look at the one's about Daphne in the pensive? They're already there…"

"I… yeah, that's okay," Destiny said. "G…go ahead."

"Why are you nervous?" Harry asked as he stepped past her to the pensive.

"I'm not," Destiny said a little too quickly. "I hope you like this one as much as I do. Just remember… you can't be with her. It doesn't work."

"Yeah, okay," Harry said dismissively before plunging his head down into the pensive.

—

Seventeen year-old Harry watched as an eleven year old version of himself was convinced by Draco Malfoy in madam Malkin's that Hagrid was indeed a bit of an oaf. Then the scene changed.

He watched as, just before his sorting, he was also convinced by Draco that some wizarding families are better than others.

The scene changed a few more times. He was annoyed to see that the young Harry before him hung out with Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle and boasted about being the one who slayed Voldemort.

Another scene change. He watched in horror as he heard the news at dinner on November thirty-first that a muggleborn Gryffindor girl had been killed by the troll that had got in the previous night

Draco had laughed. Harry hadn't liked that. He reminded Draco that he'd lost his family and he didn't think death was something to laugh about. He also reminded him that his mother had been muggleborn. This Harry still thought purebloods were best and some families were better than others, but Hermione Granger had still been a person, and all people are valuable.

Then Draco called him a blood traitor and Harry got up and walked down the Slytherin table and sat down with some other first years he hadn't bothered to get to know.

"I heard you arguing with Malfoy," a blonde girl said. "Finally realized he's a git?"

"I think I've known all along… but he told me his family was important," Harry sighed. "I guess I just wanted to feel accepted."

"I'm Daphne Greengrass by the way," she smiled. "And this is Tracey Davis and Blaze Zabini."

"I'm Harry P-… well I'm sure you know who I am. Er… hi," he said. "It's nice to meet you all. Sorry I never bothered to introduce myself."

"Better late than never," Tracey smiled. "It's really sad about that Gryffindor girl isn't it?," she added.

"Draco said she was a Mudblood and didn't matter," Harry frowned.

"My mum was a Mudblood," Tracey offered.

"Mine too," Harry said. "I'm starting to think this whole blood status thing is stupid."

"Well, then maybe you can both stop saying that word," Blaze said. "It's offensive."

"It is, isn't it," Harry said. "I never thought about it. Yeah, I'll stop saying it. Hey, I'm in the market for some better friends. I really need to stop hanging out with Draco."

"Hang out with us," Daphne smiled.

"Sit with me in class," Blaze added. "I hate sitting with Theo"

Eleven year-old Harry agreed.

The older Harry watched his younger self grow up. He became enemies with Draco again, just like on every other timeline. He watched as he, Daphne, Tracey, and Blaze solved the mystery of what was in the third floor corridor and he watched as they stopped Voldemort.

The older Harry watched the next year as young Harry was accused of being the heir of Slytherin yet again. It had been Daphne who figured out that Harry was hearing a basilisk in the walls. With Dumbledore out of the castle, Harry and Daphne had taken the information to Professor Snape who in turn had taken the theory straight to McGonagall.

The school went on lockdown and five hundred roosters were imported and posted around the castle. Ginny Weasley had then been caught killing roosters and was arrested. She shared a tale about a cursed diary and all her belongings were confiscated by Dumbledore upon his return to the castle. The diary in question was discovered and locked away by Dubmleddore. The attacks stopped and Ginny was released.

The older Harry watched a year later as yet again Daphne helped him. She explained to him some basic history he'd been ignorant to, that Sirius Black had betrayed his parents. Young Harry vowed right then and there he would hunt down and kill Black. Daphne didn't try to stop him. Instead, she offered to help. They went to Lupin and Snape and even Flitwick and asked to learn defensive and offensive spells. Each professor taught them a few spells to add to their repertoire.

When news came out that Snape had discovered Lupin helping Black onto the grounds, young Harry was disappointed. The dementors had been ordered to kiss them both. Harry was mostly disappointed because he'd been looking forward to killing Black himself.

The older Harry watched as his fourth year, surprisingly, played out almost exactly the same as his most recent timeline. The only major differences were that Daphne had helped him prepare for his tasks, Daphne had been his date to the ball, and Daphne had been his hostage in the second task. It was after that task they kissed for the first time and then dove head first into a passionate and loving romantic relationship. Voldemort, unfortunately, was revived after the final task. Luckily, Cedric had survived because a Slytherin Harry hadn't felt the need to share his win with Cedric.

The older Harry watched as he once again formed Dumbledore's Army and he (finally) connected with Ron, Ginny, Fred, and George forming a true friendship.

"Alright, Harry?" Cedric asked one day at the end of their DA meeting. Harry, who had been staring into the middle distance at nothing in particular, looked up at him. Cedric, Cho, Tracey, Blaze, and Daphne stood by the exit to the Room of Requirement. The Weasleys and everyone else had already left.

"I, er… yeah," he lied. Tracey and Daphne shared a look.

"Alright then," Cedric said. "Well… see you. Good lesson today."

Harry waved as Cho and Cedric left. Tracey took Blaze by the hand and pulled him from the room as well. Daphne approached Harry, now giving him a determined look. Harry knew that look. He craved it. He stepped forward and took her in his arms and they shared a deep kiss.

"You can fool them, Love, but you can't fool me," Daphne said. "What's bothering you? Other than Umbridge that is…"

"Just Umbridge," Harry sighed. "But the thing is… I've had it! I just can't with her anymore! I'm done being the good guy. But I can't stop thinking about killing her. It's all I can think about."

"You're not the good guy, Harry," Daphne said. "You killed Quirrill in our first year. You were ready to kill Black. You killed Avery in the graveyard year when you escaped The Dark Lord. That doesn't sound like a good guy. But that's okay, Love. Sometimes you do what you have to do. She deserves to die. She's awful. If you want to kill her, I'll help you do it and I'll help you get away with it."

"They were all Deatheaters," Harry replied. "Umbridge isn't a Deatheater."

"Okay, for starters, you don't know for certain that she isn't one," Daphne said. "And even if she isn't, she's advancing their cause… and she's pure evil. You can't deny she's pure evil."

"Yes, she's nearly as bad as Voldemort," Harry said.

"Then let's do it!" Daphne said. "We'll use your cloak. We won't tell anyone, not even Tracey and Blaze. She'll just go missing one day as far as the world is concerned."

"When do we do it? Where? How?" Harry said.

"I've infiltrated her stupid inquisitorial squad, haven't I?" Daphne smirked. "She trusts me. I'll bring her here, to this room. She already suspects you're raising an army. I'll tell her I have proof. You'll wait in here under your cloak and get ready to disarm her. Then we'll kill her together."

"That seems way too easy," Harry said. "What about the body? How do we get rid of it?"

"Oh, we'll just leave it here," she smiled. "We just need to ask the room to become a space where we can hide a body."

"Give me some time to think it over… but I think you have a good plan," Harry said. "Thank you."

"We're going to make this world a better place, Harry," Daphne smiled. "We'll kill The Dark Lord and all his followers and sympathizers. That's what you want, isn't it?"

Harry nodded. "That's what I want."

The Older Harry watched as he and Daphne's plan worked, though not without a complication. When Daphne had retrieved Umbridge, she had been talking with Filch, so Filch had come along to the Room of Requirement. Filch, though not pure evil, was definitely a very bad, old man, and Harry and Daphne felt no remorse in killing him as well.

When Harry killed her, he did not gloat. He simply disarmed her from under the cloak, then stepped out from under it and stunned her to shut her up, then cast a powerful cutting curse at her chest. Daphne took out Filch just as swiftly and mercilessly.

Harry had asked for the room to be a place where he could hide a body and had been surprised to find a room full of mountains of junk and clutter and trash. Leaving the bodies on the floor didn't seem wise so the couple levitated them both to a large cabinet which was big enough to stuff both bodies in. On their way back out of the Room, Daphne caught sight of the Diadem of Ravenclaw; though she did not know its significance. She picked it up and put it on immediately.

"What do you think? How do I look?" she said.

"Beautiful," Harry replied. "Keeping that as a memento?"

"I think so," she grinned. "Do you like it?"

"It suits you," he replied.

They made their way back towards the entrance to the room where Harry had left his cloak. Before they left the room, however, they stopped to kiss for several minutes. Murder was a big adrenaline rush after all.

—

Seventeen year-old Harry pulled out of the pensive. "Oh my god, I'm a murderer!" Harry said. "I… why… why don't I feel back about it? … Destiny? Where are you?"

Harry was alone. He thought very hard about everything he'd just seen; not just in the memory with Daphne, but also the twenty or so memories he's viewed in their entirety. He was fighting a war. Across all these timelines he was fighting a war… and Delores Umbridge was his enemy in every one of the timelines he'd observed so far. In most of them, she'd done a lot of damage to his cause. At least in this timeline he'd taken out a threat.

Harry took a step back as this realization hit. He should be telling Destiny to help him take out more threats. He'd taken out Pettigrew, Malfoy, and Crouch Jr so far in the simulation he was making with her… but he had the power of fate on his side. Was it wise to use that power to spend his whole fourth year finding the perfect girlfriend or whatever? Shouldn't he be having Destiny make the younger Harry make decisions that lead to more Deatheaters and bigots being captured or killed? Should he ask her to have him kill Umbridge?

He took another step back as he realized that' was indeed what he wanted to do, and in doing so, he bumped the cabinet. A cabinet door he hadn't seen swung open and Harry looked inside. There were another hundred or so memories. Each and every label had a number followed by 'S, DG'. Each of them had green ink on the labels.

"Harry!" Destiny called as she barged back into the room. "He's coming! We're out of time! I have to send you back!"

"What? Who's coming?" Harry asked in surprise. "What are all these other memories?"

"Shit!" she said, siphoning up the memory from the pensive and putting it back in its bottle. "Uh, Harry, I haven't been entirely truthful with you. For starters, those memories down there are all the other timelines in which you were in Slytherin. In most you were partners with Daphne Greengrass. You've died closer to two hundred times, not one hundred."

"Why would you hide that from me?" Harry asked, but she grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him into the hallway, still holding the memory of Daphne in her hands.

"Sorry Harry, I don't have time to properly explain," she said. "So I'll just summarize. I tried for a long time to guide you to power. I thought maybe you'd be the next powerful sorcerer of the light like Dumbledore. Then I thought maybe you'd be the next dark lord like Voldemort. I was convinced that Slytherin was the way to make you succeed. I was wrong. It never worked. No matter how good or how evil you were in those Slytherin timelines, you never defeated Voldemort."

Destiny was guiding him down a white hallway. He vaguely recognized that they were passing closed doors but didn't really know where she was taking him.

"Okay, sure, but why hide that from me?" Harry complained.

"I was selfish, okay?" Destiny said, sounding frantic. "I wanted to be the reason for your success. I took away your free will one hundred times to try to make you into something you're not. And I'm sorry. So the next hundred tries I gave you total control. All those memories sitting out on top of the cabinet… Those were the timelines you created with your own free will. You got much closer to beating Voldemort when I didn't interfere."

"Why's that memory so special to you?" Harry asked. "It looks like I've dated Daphne a hundred times. Why's that one special?"

"This was the one time you chose her of your free will, Harry," Destiny responded."I didn't interfere and you found Daphne anyway. You decided to kill Umbridge in that memory… that was your choice, not mine."

"Okay fine, but who's coming? Why are we running?" Harry complained.

"It's the big guy," she said. "I"m not supposed to have you here, Harry. I'm just supposed to wipe your memory and send you back so you can fulfill your destiny. He doesn't particularly care if you make your decisions or if I do… but you're definitely not supposed to help me make them. Souls aren't supposed to stick around here in the celestial plane."

"Where are you taking me?" Harry asked, but his question was answered almost immediately when she opened a door and shoved him in. There was a bed of sorts, although it looked more like a see through coffin.

"This chamber will send your soul back in time," she explained. "I'll send you to the timeline we've been crafting, okay? You won't have free will for about fourteen years since it's all decisions you've already made, but after that I won't make you do anything, okay? You'll have free will again starting Easter break of your fourth year… You won't know the difference of course… I think the timeline we've been building has a good chance of helping you survive. You have four of your soulmates very close to you. They will help you."

Harry laid down in the bed. "Will I ever see you again? Will I remember any of this?"

"I'll keep your memories of this place, okay Harry? I'll give them back and we'll try again if you don't make it this time."

The pod closed around him and his voice echoed slightly as he began to speak.

"Wait, you said I could see your face before you send me back," Harry said, putting a hand up to the glass.

"Oh, Harry, I don't know…" she said.

"You're about to wipe my memory anyway, please just let me see you," he begged.

"Please don't judge me, Harry," Destiny responded. "I… I'll explain better next time… if there is a next time…"

Harry watched as Destiny pulled her hood down and revealed a thin face with sharp features. The girl had blue eyes and blonde hair and a beautiful smile. Harry was stunned.

"Daphne?" he asked as he looked back up at the beautiful celestial standing over him.