Forget You
Focus on the things you do have, and the reasons you should be happy
Mercy sat remembering waking up to a similar strange day just four months ago, feeling like a very sad soul having just had her show close after two good years, with no clue of what was going to happen next for her. She was used to the feeling, life hadn't always been kind to her, she was orphaned at an early age, thrown through the system and although she managed to get a decent education she still felt like she'd been spat out at the other end of all that care and support with nothing and no one.
She wasn't shy or anything like that, but she wasn't one to make friends either, she tended to walk with people who could get her places, and once she was flying she loved her own company. Not having any family to speak of, she was always moving from city to city, New York had been her longest stop because of the show and now she was thinking of moving on. In order to do that she knew she'd need to find her next project, it wasn't her style to move without having some sort of plan in place.
She'd originally fell into theatre by accident, all that wishing for a different picturesque life, had made her into a natural daydreaming drama queen, someone had decided she needed to channel it positively and got her into drama clubs, drama schools, and she climbed the ladder without even realising it. Until the review of the show she didn't really take on board how good she really was, no matter how many times people told her she was, but after two years of full houses and tears for the near end of the show from most the cast, she'd convinced herself she had something.
So back to that particular day four months ago…
Flashback
4 Months Ago
That particular day she'd woke up feeling desperately unhappy, it wasn't as if she didn't know she had no one to fall back on, maybe she'd gotten closer to the theatre group than she'd realised but she felt desperately lonely, unusually tired, and all round unhappy.
The weather didn't make anything any better, the mixture of snow, frost and rain had turned to icicles on all the buildings, and the once picturesque snow covered buildings and street had turned into dull bricks and a mud coloured dangerously slippery ice rink, it was an all-round dull day.
She'd undergone her usual rituals before leaving home for an audition she wasn't holding much hope about, it wasn't what she was feeling herself doing, but it was work. The day had started just as bad as she'd expected, the cab had turned up late, got stuck in traffic, charged her for waiting time or something ridiculous but she had so little time to argue about it, she just paid and quickly stepped out of the cab.
She screamed as her footing let her down and she fell on the ice right at the pavement edge "Are you alright" a guy had rushed toward her asking, she wasn't but she felt so damn stupid she said yes and attempted to get up, screaming when the pain ripped through her ankle "Here" he offered his hand "I won't bite" he smiled, she looked into his eyes and saw kindness
"Thank you" she smiled and grabbed it still struggling to get up
"Are you home?" he looked at the building they were stood outside of "Can I help you to get anywhere?"
"No" she smiled "I'm on my way to an audition"
"If I were you I'd take five" he looked around pointing at a chair outside the café next to the building she was going in
"I'm already late"
"There are hundreds of people at those things, you'll make it" he laughed "Sam"
"Mercy" she smiled letting him walk her towards the café as she rested heavily on him
"So, what are you auditioning for?" he asked guiding her towards the café door
"I'm hoping for Celie, but if I get Sophia I'll be content"
"And if you don't get either?"
"Encouraging" she laughed
"No, I mean…"
"I'll wait for the next bus" she laughed "I'm not desperate"
"It's a bit early in the morning for this I know" he pushed the door open for them to shuffle in "And maybe I am sounding a little desperate" he laughed
"I'm sorry" she looked at him embarrassed for the situation
"You don't know what I'm going to say yet" he laughed "Coffee?" he pointed at the counter
"Expresso please"
"Could I get an expresso please" Sam asked the waitress as he looked around for a seat "Over here" he guided her over to an empty table
"So" she sat comfortably in the chair "What did you want to ask?" she looked up at him hovering over her
"I hope you don't think me forward, but I was going to ask for your number, you're a damsel in destress, and I'd feel messed up if I didn't keep a check on that ankle" he looked down at her foot
"Check on my ankle?" she laughed "That's cute" she stared at him for a second "I guess as I don't have anyone else to check up on me I could give you that" she smiled at his cute as she sat watching him hurriedly taking his phone out
"Sorry I'd stay and chat but I'm already nearly late for work, and one more late could get me sacked" he handed her his phone
"What do you do?"
"Advertising" he laughed "Just about got my foot in the door, gateway to animation"
"You'd better hurry up then Sam" she tapped her number into his phone, called herself, and handed it him back "And thanks for helping me"
"If you need someone to get you home after five just give me a call, I don't have friends here either" he shook his phone at her "Bye for now I hope Mercy"
"Bye definitely just for now Sam" she smiled watching him leave, she liked his caring nature and he made her laugh, if he didn't call her she was sure she was going to call him at some point. She sat and finished her drink before slowly making her way next door to her audition, luckily she'd registered late in the queue and had most of the day to sit and rest her ankle before her turn came. The process was longer than she'd thought with a read, short song, and a role play performance it was late by the time she was finally released to go home.
All the pressure of the movement throughout the day had put more strain on her ankle and by the time it was time to go home she could barely put any pressure on her right foot at all. She hobbled out of the building, in the hope of making the last bus home, she stood on the opposite sided of the road watching as the bus pulled out and built speed "Shit" she hissed standing on her aching foot, damning at the fact that it was her only transport option, after that mornings extortionate fare she really couldn't afford another cab.
She needed to think about her options, she hobbled to the café next door and sat thinking about the guy she'd met that morning wondering if he was really going to call her, if he could call her now and maybe pay for her to get home. Smiling at the prospect of meeting him again, knowing that calling him for money was something she'd never do and somehow she would have to walk home, she finished her coffee having made up her mind and got up leaving the empty cup on the table
"Excuse me could you tell me where I can find a hotel near here?" someone asked just as she made to leave the café
"Oh, there's one on the corner of the block, I'm heading that way I can show you" she smiled at the gentle face, looking out the glass door to make sure there were enough people around for her to do that safely
"That would be helpful, thank you" he smiled opening the door for her "I missed my train"
"I missed my bus" she laughed
"So, we have that in common" he laughed
"You're not from around here?"
"No" he smiled "I've just come in today, I need to set myself up locally for a few months I've just landed myself a spot with the Knicks" he looked at her a bit longer than he needed to
"Baller?"
"Homeless Baller for now, I'm hooked up with a spot tomorrow, until then I need to stay in a hotel, I'm from Lima originally"
"Ohio?"
"Yeah you know it?"
"I'm a fan of the famous show from there" she laughed
"Let me assure you, school is nothing like that show portrays it to be"
"Darn" she giggled "I literally refused to do well at school until my foster parents moved there"
"So, you didn't do well at school"
"Well enough to get into Juilliard"
"Damn" he laughed impressed "I can't think how much higher than that you'd have gotten had you tried"
"Yeah" she giggled "I was a bit of an artistic nerd"
"So, what time's your next bus?"
"I don't think there is one, I'm walking"
"Limping you mean, how about I pay your cab as a thank you?"
"How about we see that as a lone…" she looked into his eyes finding something of interest
"Sam" he smiled
"Sam" she smiled at the idea of meeting two kind men on the same day both called Sam "I'm Mercy"
"A lone would be fine, you could pay me back say tomorrow, at dinner"
"Dinner?" she frowned thinking about the conversation she'd had with another Sam earlier that day
"At my hotel, when I find one" he handed her his phone "Pop your number in there and I'll call to share the arrangements, when I've booked everything"
"Sure" she took his phone and tapped her number in, they quickly came to the end of the block, she showed him the hotel, and as he'd agreed he called her a cab and saw her on her way.
End of Flashback
Today the sun was shining for all intents and purposes it was the perfect day, but Mercy being who Mercy was had somehow managed to form the perfect storm in her usually dull as hell life.
Sam and Sam might as well have been clones of each other, she'd had lunch with Sam one, who she'd met the previous morning, at The Modern which had started out relaxed and charming, and ended comfortable and her not wanting to leave, he was funny, charming, and sexy as hell, there was this thing he had about raking his hand through his hair, and shuffling in his chair as if he was nervous, but somehow he made her feel like he just wanted to get his hands on her, and she was up for that, his lips were so inviting, plus he was a really good listener.
Sam two had sent her the message for their date and booked a table at The Modern for their evening meal, she had to go all out on the make up in an attempt to look different just in case someone had seen her there with Sam one earlier that day. They managed to laugh the evening away with his stories about couples in the restaurant, great impressions, and learning her about the game, she was totally into him
She'd walked away that night happy to have met both of them, the weeks and months that followed saw her getting dressed almost every evening to meet one or the other of them for a fun evening. Their dates were almost identical, she learned so much about them it was confusing sometimes which one had told her what, it was hard work, but she managed to keep up this untruthful version of herself. And as funny as it seemed as she sat trying to make her choice, she'd realised that nothing about any of those relationships was forced, they'd taken their time becoming friends, stealing kisses now and again, and generally just making memories.
Then two nights ago Sam one changed the game when he suggested he was ready for the next step and knowing what she was doing it frightened the hell out of her.
Sam One
Sam one had taken her to the statue of liberty, explained why he thought she was so much like that lady with the torch in her right hand having broken the shackle he had around his heart, and allowed him to take his time to fall in love with her unconditionally before he discarded of the half-eaten burger, and wiped his mouth with the napkin to say
"We've been playing at this for nearly four months now, I don't know what you thin, but I think we're good together" he threw the napkin in the nearby bin before grabbing her hand "I'm in love with you and I feel ready to take the next step in this, you don't have to make your mind up just now, I know I've sort of sprung this on you, but will you think about us being a couple?"
"Sure" she smiled fretfully, knowing she was going to have to provide him with an answer in forty eight hours "Just a few random questions to help me make up my mind" she grinned at him, hoping he didn't get suspicious at her attempt at lightening the mood
"Anything to help you make up your mind" he smiled
"TV or movie?"
"Movie" he smiled puzzled
"Cake or pie?"
"Easy, cake all the way, unless it's a holiday and then I'll try pie" he laughed
"Silver or gold?"
"For you… gold all the way"
"Here's the deal breaker" she giggled "Singing or dancing?"
"Oh gosh" he laughed "Definitely singing, you don't want to see me dancing" his eyes widened at his song playing in a passing car "This has to be an omen" he waved at the car "That's my favourite song playing" he stood singing 'Give You Love. By Declan J Donovan to her
What did I do before you were my every day, where did I go before you were my favourite place?
Where did the time go, four months don't seem so long when
There was so much we had to say, the first time I heard your voice, made you laugh, saw your face
Dreaming about you, 500 miles don't seem so
Far when all we think about, Is how you're going to make it out, all of our plans, holding your hand and
What I'm going to say to you how I'm going to wait for you all I know
Cause I'll give you love, the air from my lungs every day, every hour, every minute I'll give you my life just as long as you're in it
So tell me the same don't make me wait just let me fall in your arms for a minute
I'll give you my life just as long as you're in it, I'll give you my love…
All she could do was laugh at the fact that the song was their relationship and all his answers had been hers, she was still laughing at the memory of last night when her phone rang
Mercy
"Hey" she smiled at Sam two's voice on her phone breaking her concentration "Yes I remember" she cooed at him, frowning at his need to have a serous conversation tonight "Seven sharp" she giggled at the suspense "Bye" she closed the call and sat staring at the phone, knowing he wanted the same as Sam one
She didn't sleep around, that wasn't her and from the conversations she'd had with both of them, they didn't either, but they hadn't verbally committed to each other as yet and she'd used that fact to justify her behaviour up until now.
"Decision" she huffed getting up to get dressed
She'd made call back on that audition she'd attended that day four months ago, but they'd offered her the part of some random woman in the juice bar scene making some snide remark about Celie, and she wasn't up for that, so she passed. Less than a week later she'd got herself a supporting role on another play that wasn't as popular as the last one, but she liked to think that her name being on the bill encouraged people to come see it. On at least four occasions both Sam's had been in the audience at the same time watching the show cheering her on and on those nights she 'd made her excuses and snuck off to feel guilty alone.
She could barely get through the day without Sam one's question popping into her mind, she hadn't realised how much she'd grown to liking him, both of them if she was being true to herself.
Sam Two
Later that night Sam two pulled out all the stops, getting the manager to keep Delmonico's open after hours, romantic music playing in the background, the backdrop so romantic, she wanted to cry.
"I must admit" he grabbed her hand just after dessert "I've always been the one to shy away from serious relationships, in all honesty I've never wanted to put in the time and energy it takes to build something that's meaningful" he blushed "But for some reason for you, I have all the time in the world, I've dropped everything on occasion just to be with you and I finally figured out it's because I'm in love with you" he smiled
"Sam" she gasped
"Let me finish before I faint" he laughed "I want to ask you to be with me properly, I mean commit to me and only me" he squeezed her hand "What do you think?"
"It's a big ask"
"Think about it?"
"Sure" she smiled squeezing his hand endearingly "I have a few random questions I'm hoping will help me make that decision" she giggled
"Whatever you need to know" he laughed sitting up
"TV or movie?"
"Movie" he laughed at her random
"Cake or pie?"
"Pie all the way" he laughed
"Silver or gold?"
"For you… gold all the way"
"Here's the deal breaker" she giggled "Singing or dancing?"
"Oh gosh" he laughed "Definitely dancing, you'd be impressed with my moves" he smiled "Queue music" he told the waiter smiling as the volume went up and he pulled her up to dance to 'Give You Love. By Declan J Donovan she shook her head smiling what else did she really expect
I call you and tell you I found a way, booked a plane, I got us a little space we can stay, out the way
You're stood in the kitchen, losing your words so you lean in
Then you went and grabbed me tight, said you want to kiss me right now, we're alone, where we belong
I knew it when I saw those eyes, every colour in the sky, now you know
I'll give you love, the air from my lungs every day, every hour, every minute I'll give you my life just as long as you're in it
So tell me the same, don't make me wait just let me fall in your arms for a minute
I'll give you my life just as long as you're in it
"Are those questions really the things you feel are important in a relationship?"
"No" she laughed "But they're important metaphors to my happiness"
Mercy
She didn't show it. but she left that date even more confused, these two men were offering her a different life, but was it about the life or was it about the love, she liked them both very much, but she'd never gotten to the love conversation with herself until the other night when she was forced to think seriously about her feelings. This required some thought, some serious contemplation, there was nothing else for it, she called her one so called friend, they weren't really friends they'd sort of been each other's nemesis at college and out of that had grown some level of respect, so she was about to call on her no shit advice.
She took her phone out and made the call, happy it was still ringing after the four years she hadn't used it "Rach…
"Bitch is that you?" Rachel's voice screeched down the phone
"Yeah" she laughed
"Things must be bad"
"I have a dilemma I need to talk to someone, and you're it" Mercy laughed "Can you believe this shit?"
"Should I be honoured?"
"Yes"
"So, I believe this shit" she laughed "Hit me"
"Don't judge me"
"I won't, I promise"
"So" she took a second to make sure she wanted to do this before telling her story
"You think it's too soon?"
"Maybe I should have told you that there are two of them" she rolled her eyes waiting for the slut shame
"Girl" Rachel laughed
"I don't know which one to choose, they both want commitment"
"I guess you'll have to ask yourself three very important questions"
"Which are?"
"Do you love any one of them, even in the slightest"
"I have real feelings for both of them"
"You're going to have to choose Mercy"
"I know" she moaned "But it's so hard"
"Can you see your future with any of them?"
"One wants to move around the country playing ball and the other wants to run their own animation company"
"And which life appeals to you?"
"You know I'm used to travelling, that doesn't faze me, but I like the idea of settling too, maybe having a family…"
"Family?" Rachel screeched "Where did that come from?"
"You told me to think about my future" Mercy giggled
"Not that deep" Rachel laughed "I remember back in the day you spent a whole semester trying to make a decision on whether you liked dark or white chocolate"
"That's it, thanks"
"What's it?"
"Chocolate" she giggled "Thanks Rachel, speak soon"
"You mean in another four years"
"As I said soon" she giggled again closing the call, she knew what she had to do remembering her assignment about dark or white chocolate, for three months that was the most important question in her life, it was going to help her now.
"Sam" she called down the phone when he answered, "One more question, dark or white chocolate?"
"Dark" he snapped "What's this about?"
"Can we meet early tonight before your game?"
"Five"
"See you then" she closed the call eager to make another call "Sam" she called down the phone when he answered, "One more question, dark or white chocolate?"
"White, why?"
"Are we still meeting tonight?"
"Sure, listen I got to go" he sent her a kiss and closed the call
Sam Two
"Mercy" Sam walked towards her as she arrived "What's happened?"
"Nothing, I just wanted to do this face to face"
"That sounds like a no"
"Sorry" she frowned "We'd be pulled apart; you need to play; I need to perform"
"We can work something out"
"I'm not about to ask you to compromise, and I hope you weren't going to ask that of me"
"No, I'm just hurt that we couldn't work it out" he grabbed her hand "Maybe in the future?"
"Never say never" she kissed him
"I'll never forget you, I was thinking Mrs Conner would have looked good on you"
"Sorry" she let him get off to practice
Sam One
"Hey" Sam smiled kissing her cheek "Interesting choice of venue" he looked around her apartment "Why here?"
"I need to tell you something and if you walk away I didn't want to be left standing alone outside" she laughed nervously
"You have an answer?"
"I do, but first I need to tell you something"
"You don't need to tell me anything" he smiled pulling her to him "Tonight would be the first night of our commitment, anything before this I don't want to know"
"I was seeing someone else" she rushed out "It wasn't serious, and it's over now"
"So, does this mean we can finally be together?" he pulled her chin up to meet his
"Yes"
"How did I win?" his breath hitting her face with every word
"Dark chocolate, it's the healthier choice"
"I brought you some" he pulled a bar out of his pocket "Do you crunch or suck?"
"Is that a deal breaker?"
"Depends on if we're having sex or eating chocolate my future Mrs Evans" he whispered before he took her lips