- Chapter 11: No Matter What I Try -

"You failed because you don't have your powers anymore."

Haruhi's eyes were still darting around the room, trying to process everything at once: The hole smashed through the wall of the mansion, the bullet holes scattered about, Arakawa slumped unconscious against the side of the couch, Mikuru curled up in a quivering ball on the floor, Yuki standing trapped inside a six-walled steel cage that hadn't been there ten seconds before, Koizumi by her side in a battle stance, and at the center of it all, calm and demure, Emiri Kimidori.

Haruhi was in a fully alert state, wanting to be aware of and in control of all of those things, yet at another level, she felt them all in pale into irrelevance to the person who lay bloodied and limp in her arms. "Haruhi..." he rasped, clutching at her shoulder. "I'm..."

"Shut up, you idiot!" He felt so warm, and so reassuringly firm. How? How was it that he still felt that way, even when he was… No, she couldn't let herself start thinking that! She felt tears of frustration running down her face. "Just... just hang on! Stay alive! And be quiet, so I can think!" Her gaze shot to the man at her side. "Koizumi! What does she mean, I don't have my powers anymore?"

Koizumi clenched his teeth, keeping his eyes focused on Kimidori as he answered. "Miss Suzumiya, is not that statement self-explanatory?"

"But Kyon just told me about my powers, like 75 seconds ago! I can't have lost them already!"

"You lost them before he told you," Kimidori said, her voice strangely gentle. "Or rather, you gave them to us."

"That doesn't make sense. How could I give them to you without even knowing I had them? Anyway, why would I ever give them to you?"

"Because you were afraid. You had used your powers to bring future information into this present, and among other things, you viewed 38 possible scenarios in which your powers directly or indirectly brought about Kyon's death. So you reached out to us with your subconscious mind, offering us your powers freely in order to prevent those scenarios. Yuki Nagato had previously used those powers to write us out of existence, and Kyon had said that you would use them against us if we took precautionary measures against Nagato's destructive behavior. So we accepted your gift."

"Then..." Her mind raced. "Then make good on our deal! I only gave you my powers to save Kyon from dying, so save him!"

"It's too late."

Haruhi wanted to yell back at her to stop making excuses, that it wasn't too late so long as Kyon was still drawing breath. But in some undefinable way, she already knew exactly what Kimidori meant. Slowly, fearfully, she looked down at the person in her arms, and saw that he was drawing breath no longer.

"Kyon!" She shook him, uselessly. "Kyon!"

His eyes were staring up at her, as though fixated on her face, but there was no longer any life in them.

"Why?" she sobbed. "Why did you kill him? You said it was Yuki you wanted!"

"You humans are overly fond of assigning blame," Kimidori said. "I made no form of attack upon Kyon. I merely altered the information in this room in order to restrain Miss Nagato. It was his attempt to interfere with those alterations which caused his fatal injuries."

"He wanted to protect Yuki!" Haruhi released Kyon and shot to her feet. "Kyon believed... with all his heart... that when you attack one SOS Brigade member, you attack us all! Any idiot could have seen that! And you... you..."

"Emiri Kimidori."

Those two words, softly but firmly spoken, drew the immediate attention of everyone in the room to their speaker: Yuki. All of this had really been about her, not that Haruhi blamed her for that. She stood placid in her cage, hands not gripping the bars, but limply at her side.

"You have disabled Mikuru Asahina's TPDD, leaving her stranded in this time. You have removed Haruhi Suzumiya's powers, rendering Itsuki Koizumi's esper abilities ineffective for lack of any basis. And Haruhi Suzumiya's chosen one has given his own life in an attempt to protect me." She closed her eyes. "Extrapolation from the present course of events suggests the most likely outcome is that Haruhi Suzumiya and possibly Itsuki Koizumi will also die in attempted defense of myself. I do not wish for any others to sacrifice themselves for me."

"That's not your decision to make, Yuki!" Haruhi snapped. Not Yuki. I can't lose Yuki too. I won't! "I'm the chief of the SOS Brigade, and I say I'm not going to let anyone harm a hair on your head! Least of all this cold-blooded murderer!"

"I am sorry, Miss Suzumiya. I do not wish to leave you." Yuki's eyes opened, looking straight at Haruhi, and she saw – she swore she saw – a flicker of affection. Enough of it to make her heart break. "However, though he did not explicitly request it, I am certain that Kyon's dying wish was that you be kept safe. I want to fulfill that wish."

"Yuki, you idiot. Kyon might want me safe, but he wouldn't want you to die for that!"

"It is the only means available to me for accomplishing his wish."

"Well, I won't let you!"

"The choice is strictly mine and Miss Nagato's, Miss Suzumiya," Kimidori said. "I hold control of this data jurisdiction, and Miss Nagato has relinquished her claim to all physical data associated with herself. Therefore, my will alone enables her physical dissolution, with no need for any action that you might prevent."

"What?"

Emiri Kimidori didn't move. Nor did Yuki. Yet at Kimidori's words, Yuki's body started to faintly sparkle and blow away, like a sand sculpture caught in the wind.

"No!"

Haruhi ran to Yuki's cage and struggled with the bars, putting forth all her strength to pull them apart, to let her reach Yuki and save her. But it was useless. They were as tough as any prison bars, and Haruhi had no powers. Koizumi appeared at her side, but he didn't even attempt to do anything. He just stared at Yuki with a heartfelt contrition in his eyes, unlike anything Haruhi had seen in him before. It felt like just a tiny piece of Kyon had somehow sewn itself into Koizumi.

But Kyon was gone.

"I'm sorry," he said to Yuki. "I tried my best."

"I know," Yuki answered. "Please, take care of Haruhi Suzumiya."

"That, you did not even need to ask."

"Yuki, no!" Haruhi screamed. "Fight it! You have to fight it!"

Yuki's legs, arms, and stomach had already dissolved away. Whatever was eating her was working its way up to her shoulders.

"It is done," Yuki said. "Miss Suzumiya, thank you for everything."

"Yuki!" Haruhi gasped, and lurched forward – only to be caught by a strong hand on each of her arms.

"Whoa! Are you okay?" a familiar voice said right by her ear.

"Um, yeah." Well, this is a bit awkward. "Kyon, what are you doing?"

"Stopping you from doing a face plant right in a thornbush." Seemingly assured that she had her balance back, he carefully let go of her arms. Thus saving himself from getting a penalty. It actually had been a bit comforting to have her holding her like that, but she couldn't let him get too comfortable with touching her. "You were looking dizzy, and then you just suddenly fell forward. I somehow thought you might appreciate being saved from an ugly fall like that. Silly me, I guess."

"Hmm." She looked around. "Kyon, what are we doing over here, instead of with the rest of the group?"

"I told you, you were looking dizzy. I didn't want you throwing up in front of them, so I told them I'd take you aside."

"I don't remember that."

"Uh, yeah, you already asked what we were doing here, so obviously you don't remember the past 30 seconds. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

She wished that were completely true. Now Yuki was dying, too? Things were just getting worse and worse in these mysterious visions. Was she going to lose more people close to her? Would Yui or Koizumi be the next to go? And Kyon... he kept dying, over and over. Was she doomed to watch him die young in every possible course of events?

The thought made her reach a hand up to her sternum and clutch the emblem she wore beneath her sweatshirt. "No matter what I try, it doesn't seem to work," she muttered.

"What do you mean?"

"...No idea."

He cocked his head at her. "Then why did you say it?"

"I was just talking to myself, okay? Sometimes when I'm talking to myself, I say things that don't have anything to do with anything. One time when I was in second grade, I just out of the blue said, 'She had never felt so angry.'"

"She who?"

"I don't know! That's what I'm telling you, it's like random words. No one was around to hear it, but I'm sure no one else could have figured it out either."

"Well, maybe this time you were actually making sense. 'No matter what I try, it doesn't seem to work.' Is there something you want to accomplish?"

"I want to have a fun and meaningful weekend with you guys." She hugged her sides, rubbing a little extra warmth into them. "But we've already been doing a pretty good job with that. I mean, we do have to get a lot more meaning and fun out of this weekend yet, but for early afternoon on Saturday, this is acceptable. So it doesn't make sense."

"Maybe there's something else."

She looked him sharply in the eyes. "Are you saying you know about something else I'm trying to do?" She really couldn't think of anything else. If Kyon knew, he had better spill the beans.

"All set now, honey?" Haruhi almost jumped at the realization that her aunt was standing right there. She'd been so focused on Kyon, she hadn't noticed her approach.

Not getting an immediate response, Kanae continued, "I guess Kyon here is a better doctor than I am. I thought you seemed fine, just a little out of it, but he said you looked like you were about to tip over."

Kyon shrugged. "Called it, I guess."

Huh. How is it that Kyon seems to always know when something's up with me lately? Oh well, at least this time it worked for my good. And Kyon acting chivalrous for a change is always... nice.

"Well, I'm fine now." Haruhi stretched. "Mmm, that was a good hike."

"Yep," Kanae agreed. "But it's time to pack everything in the car and head back home. I think this little tyke is all tuckered out for now." She patted Little Sis on the head, and the cutie released a big yawn as corroboration.

Wait a minute, "nice"? What am I saying? Being chivalric is what got Kyon beat up by bullies, jumping in front of a speeding car, diving off the top of North High, vaporized by a weird alien girl, shot through the heart, and sliced up by another weird alien girl!

...Okay, so most of that stuff only happened in dreams, or something. Obviously, if that had all happened, Kyon wouldn't be standing here right now. The point is, that kind of thing is going to be the death of him if I don't do something about it.

Or even if I do...

She clutched at her little emblem again.

"What's that you've got there, honey?" Kanae asked.

"Huh? Oh, it's... just a necklace." Ugh, why do I feel so self-conscious about this? Why not just tell them exactly what is it? What do I care what anyone else thinks about it?

"Hey, cool. Can we see it?" Yui was leaning closer.

She hesitated again, then reached down the neck of her sweatshirt to pull it out. The rest of them crowded around to get a good look.

"Oh, that's a nice little cross necklace," Kanae remarked.

"Yeah," Yui said, blinking a moment in surprise. "I didn't know you were a Christian."

"That's her fallback plan, apparently," Kyon grunted.

"Fallback plan?"

"Well... yeah." Haruhi shrugged. "I'm not sure that anything Christianity teaches is true, but I'm not sure it's all false either, so it would be pretty stupid not to get covered so that I can get into the best afterlife ever conceived, right?"

Kyon sighed. "I really don't think a cross necklace is supposed to be like a wristband that grants you unquestioned admittance into heaven."

"I know that!" she snapped. "It's just, it can only help, right? I already have the benefit of living a pure and mostly blameless life, with only a few sins worth mentioning, and plenty of selfless good works to my credit." Aagh, Kyon, wipe that stupefied look off your face! "If I show up at Heaven's gate with Lord Jesus's sign around my neck, Saint Peter has to let me through!"

"I think you're missing the point. Even assuming Christianity isn't just a big sham, that cross is just a worthless bit of metal if you don't believe in it."

"Ugh, what kind of hare-brained logic is that? Obviously I'm going to believe in Christianity if I die and find myself at Saint Peter's gate! Only a stubborn idiot wouldn't believe after that. And like I already said: It. Can. Only. Help."

"I think it's pretty cool," Yui put in. "I mean, I've never met a Christian before. Well, except for the priest at this church my family toured once, I guess. You're always doing something different from the rest of the crowd, Suzumiya."

"Well, of course," she said, though honestly, that was one of the best compliments anyone had ever paid her.

"Hey, if you think we should be worrying about the afterlife, I could get one of those necklaces too. That way you can feel more secure that we'll both get into heaven."

"Oh, don't worry about that. If they don't let you in on your own merits, I'll vouch for you. And Kyon and Little Sis and Kanae and everyone in the SOS Brigade too, of course. I take care of my friends."

Kyon was giving her that weary look of his. I hate that look. If you have an objection, at least speak up and say it; don't just stand there and sulk!

As if her thought had struck him across the brow, he tilted his head up and said, "So we're all of us covered for the afterlife by that one little cross?"

"That's the way it works, Kyon." She held up an instructive finger. "'For if, by the transgression of one person, death came to reign through that one, how much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and of the gift of justification come to reign in life through the one person Jesus Christ.' In other words, we all have to die because stupid Adam took a bite of that forbidden fruit, so it only makes sense that we can all live forever because Mister Jesus did something right."

"Good grief. Please tell me you haven't memorized the whole Bible."

"Nope, I just read up on the parts about dying."

Yui chimed in, "To be fair, Eve ate the forbidden fruit too, and she was the one who gave it to Adam."

"Yeah, but Saint Paul didn't mention her. And you can't argue with Saint Paul about Christian doctrine, so that means it's all the guy's fault, as usual!"

"You don't have to sound so happy about that," Kyon sighed.

Kyon's sister tugged on his sleeve. "Kyon, I want a cross necklace too."

"Weren't you paying attention? Haruhi just said, you don't need one."

"But I want one! It's pretty!"

"Look, when your birthday comes up I'll get you any necklace you want, but not one that misrepresents you as a member of a religious minority. Only Haruhi can get away with being that offensive."

"What do you mean, offensive?" Haruhi demanded, sticking the cross back under her sweatshirt. "It's not like I'm going around flaunting it! No one but my friends is even going to know it's there."

"Alright guys, enough yakkety yakking, lets pack up and go," Kanae spoke up. "The little one here needs her rest, and honestly so do I."

Kyon shrugged and started loading his heavy backpack into the car.

Honestly, sometimes he can be so difficult.

But also... If he weren't here to question me... I don't know that I would have ever stopped to think the whole thing through.

She watched him as he climbed into the car, the lazy way his eyes drooped when he sat down.

It's not fair! He's always so careful – TOO damn careful, even! How can he be dying, or almost dying, over and over?

I have to save him. Somehow.

There has to be a way to keep him from dying.

Author's notes: For those who have misplaced their scorecards, Kyon was beat up by bullies in my fic "Revenge of the Weirdos", jumped in front of a speeding car in "The Melancholy of Mikuru Asahina", dove off the top of North High in The Surprise of Haruhi Suzumiya, and was (not really) vaporized by a weird alien girl in my fic "Just a Ghost from Another World". Shot through the heart and sliced up of course happened this fic.