I Kissed A Girl
There's such a thing as too much fun, and of course there are consequences
The Guys
"Fuck" Finn hissed as he pushed a foot out his face "Get that rotten stink out my face"
"You've just been snuffed by the Art" Artie laughed moving his foot "What a fucking night"
"I'll say" Mike looked up from under his makeshift blanket
"Where's the stag?" Puck asked unwrapping himself from around Ryder they were mingled together on the couch
"You're not him" Ryder laughed pushing him off his leg
"Bathroom" Rory pulled his head out the rubbish bin and jumped up to get to the bathroom
"Seriously" Finn looked around the room at the hungover crew "Where is Sam?"
"Everything looks blurred to me, but I think this might be him" Rory shouted back at them
"So, why the fuck are you standing watching the man in the bathroom?" Puck asked him
"Says the man who was wrapped around me like a fucking blanket a second ago" Ryder laughed knocking Puck with his shoulder playfully
"Seriously?" Puck looked at Rory
"He's in the bath" Rory laughed watching everyone making their way across the room to look
"Is he alright?" Finn rushed over to see, giving him a dig
"Mmmm" he moaned before falling back to sleep
"Dude" Finn poked him again "Time to get up"
"Yeah" he smiled "I'm good for a minute" his sleepy voice told him
"He's in his feels, give him a minute" Finn told everyone rushing them out
"Bathroom" Rory pointed to the pan
"Hurry up" Finn told him closing the door
"I guess we could order breakfast" Puck suggested
"Just get seven of everything" Artie told him
"Ryder" Puck signalled for him to get the food order done
They set about cleaning up, they'd started the party at the hotel the night before, and as they looked around now, they couldn't, for the life of them, imagine why they'd left it in such a state
"Shit" Sam came out the bathroom full of life to everyone's surprise "Highlight of my night" he clapped his hands
Sam: We've been running down the same road for some time, Everyone: it's been tearing up my soul, I won't lie
If you ever need a shoulder to cry, you can put all of your troubles and worries upon me
Got to keep your head up, got to be strong, something's not right
But we know that we're better together, they can say what they want, I'll be there for you 'Better Together' by Jeremy Loops
"We rocked that tune last night" Artie laughed, high fiving everyone that would let him
"All I remember after that is that I went for a slash about a night ago" Sam laughed pointing to the bathroom
"Right" Artie laughed shaking his head
"Lightweight" Rory laughed
"At least I got to the bathroom" he looked at the mess Rory was cleaning up "Where's my phone?"
"Phone" Ryder checked his pockets "We threw them in a bag yeah?"
"No dude I think we left them here" Rory told him
"We left them here in a bag" Artie confirmed
"What time is it, I'm so dead, I was supposed to call Q at 08:30 for some facial thing she had planned this morning" Puck left what he was doing to search for his phone
"Dude you are so dead" Finn laughed
"Bag of phones" Mike held the bag up watching everyone make a B line for it "One missed call and one message" he smiled at coming out of this okay "Shit" he sat heavy on the couch when he opened he message, Tina was going to be pissed, the others hadn't even noticed him, they were still looking for their phones
"One message" Puck smiled rolling his eyes "She's not even up yet"
"One message" Artie held his phone up before throwing in on the couch, Brittany would have sent more than that if she was stressed
"Same" Sam smiled sitting on the couch, happy the day was here because that meant he was another day closer to making Miss Mercedes Jones his wife
"Again" Rory giggled
"Really?" Ryder asked laughing "You weren't expecting Sugar to remember you when you're not standing in front of her, were you?"
"Don't do that dude" Rory grinned shaking his head "Jealousy's a horrible colour on you" he laughed "You need to be watching what Santana's doing"
"She's good, we're good" Ryder grinned "I take care of my shit"
"I guess you do bro" Puck knocked fists with him
"Message" Finn sat down opening his message "Fuck" he gasped as he froze
"What's up dude?" Sam leaned forward asking his best man
"Check your messages" Finn told them
"Mine says I kissed a girl" Mike told them "I'm fucking dead"
"Which girl?" Sam asked
"I don't even remember any girls being there" Artie rubbed his head "Can you open the zip file?"
"No" came back at him from everyone in the room
"So, let me get this" Ryder sat looking around the room "One of us kissed a girl last night, but none of us remember it?"
"How did this person get all our numbers if they don't know us?" Sam asked
"That's assuming we all have the same picture, isn't it?" Mike asked
"It's got to be the same woman"
"Hold up" Finn held his hand up "Was it some sort of dare we set last night, because I can actually talk my way out of that one"
"One word" Ryder looked at the guys "Dead"
"Let's think" Artie stopped the mass panic that was about to happen
"Obviously I remember the karaoke bar" Sam told them, just as everyone's attention was taken by the door knocking
"It's breakfast" Ryder told them, smiling inside, they all liked to pretend that only Santana needed to be feared when in reality they all feared repercussions from their partners, especially the husbands
"We'll investigate straight after breakfast" Puck told them "I need something in my gut"
"What if these pictures have been sent to the girls?" Rory asked
"I don't even think that's likely" Ryder told them "My phones silent" he held it up
"I agree, lets eat" Finn opened the door for the food
"What like the last supper?" Sam asked, his mood had suddenly sunk
"It's T" Mike held his phone up
"Don't answer" Puck told him
"I've got to answer dude, it's my wife" Mike laughed
"Shit" Finn hissed "He can't even lie" they watched him answering the call
The Girls
"What the hell happened last night?" Quinn attempted to pull herself out from under the other six bodies that were strewed across the super king sized bed
"My hair" Brittany screeched at her move, grabbing Quinn's arm to stop her moving
"What the hell's the matter now?" Tina sat up trying to focus on the room
"It's a new day" Sugar stretched as her foot searched the floor for her slipper
"I have something planned" Quinn announced
"Of course, you have" Rachel's tone condescending
"It's a facial actually, I knew Rachel would have had something up her sleeve that would leave us looking like shit this morning, so I booked us in" Quinn smiled at her nemesis "Even you Rachel"
"Ladies, sorry" Mercedes spoke without opening her eyes "It's still yesterday for me, so I've yet to get a nights sleep, see you all later"
"I don't think so girl" Santana stood above her threatening to throw water on her "I will do it"
"You won't" Mercedes opened her eyes for a second
"Get her hair" Tina laughed
"No" Mercedes jumped up "I'm up" she told them "You're all foul" she hissed at them wondering off to the bathroom
"Is this the mood you're going to be waking up to your new husband with?" Quinn called after her
"Hopefully he'll be waiting to give me something worth waking up for" Mercedes stood in the bathroom door her tone full of innuendo
"Go girl" Santana smiled drinking the glass of water
"So, I guess we could have breakfast early, seeing as we're all up now?" Rachel asked, she was really taking her matron of honour duties seriously, booking the event, bringing the surprises, catering for Mercedes, she had it all in hand.
"Beautiful view" everyone turned to see Sugar out on the balcony "We should have breakfast out here"
"Good call" Tina wondered off to find another bathroom to clean her face up
"Call me when it gets here" Quinn walked off in the same direction as Santana
"I guess I'm ordering then?" Brittany looked at Rachel nodding at her
"Thanks" Rachel smiled before walking off to go find somewhere to freshen up herself. Brittany ordered freshened up and still came out before the others, in time for the food to arrive, once it was all set out on the patio she clapped her hand shouting "Breakfast is up"
"At last," Santana came out smiling
"Sing for it" Brittany laughed closing the patio door and standing in front of it
"What?" Santana asked her "Are you joking?"
"Song of the night?" Brittany asked
"'About Damn Time' by Lizzo of course" Mercedes walked back into the room looking like she'd just walked off stage minus the makeup
"Good call" Brittany laughed
"Anyway" Santana came out shouting everyone started dancing to the imaginary music and singing their rendition of the chorus, the others joining in as they entered the room
All: Turn up the music, turn down the lights, I've got a feeling I'm gon' be alright, okay, alright, it's about damn time
Turn up the music, let's celebrate, I've got a feeling I'm gon' be okay, okay, alright, it's about damn time, bitch!
"I guess it is about damn time" Quinn smiled at her friend "It's been what 9 years?"
"Nine years and ten months" Mercedes smiled "And I think we waited till we were both ready"
"Can't ask for more than that" Rachel told her
"I remember you two, and that can't let sex get in the way phase" Santana laughed
"Jumped that broom" Mercedes laughed "We've been through a lot, but I'm confident we're there now"
"No surprise to me, I've rooted for you two since day one" Brittany smiled at her
"Can we eat?" Tina asked pointing at the waiting food
"Is Mrs Chang eating for two?" Sugar asked
"Mrs Chang is eating for one, on time, three times a day" Tina snapped "It's called self-care" she walked past them towards the door
"T" Mercedes stopped her "When did you get that?" she pointed at her back
"What?" Tina tried to look at her back to see what she was talking about
"Tattoo of a dog" Mercedes told her "I've never seen it before"
"Neither have I" Tina laughed "Stop playing"
"Tina" Mercedes rolled her eyes at her "I'm not playing, you have a black and white dog on your back"
"What happened last night?" Tina looked at the group of friends asking, "We didn't leave the complex did we?"
"What the…" Sugar walked towards a noise coming from the living area cupboard "Who's is this?" she jumped at the poodle flying out when she opened the door
"Aarrrhh" Brittany smiled at the animal running around, trying to grab it "He's" she looked at the poodle properly "She's not mine" she told the daggering eyes "Seriously" she held her hand up "I wouldn't leave any animal in a freaking cupboard"
"Sugar?" Rachel asked
"She would have been in my purse, no doubt" Sugar told her
"Black and white poodle?" Mercedes looked at Tina smiling at the connection
"Seriously, I don't remember leaving the complex" Tina told them again "My phone will tell us where we've been" she walked over to the cabinet
"Didn't we leave them in here yesterday?" Santana asked
"Yeah we did" Quinn told her "Pass mine anyway I'm expecting a call from Puck this morning" they all sat for breakfast watching Tina sort the phones
"Thanks" Mercedes smiled taking her phone and quickly checking it before she put it down "One message" she frowned, knowing they'd agreed not to make contact for 24 hours, but happy he'd sent a message "He's missing me" she opened the message "He kissed a girl?" she looked at the message asking
"He sent you a message saying he's kissed some bitch?" Santana asked ready to go to battle
"It says I kissed a girl, but it's from…." she looked at the message again "An unknown number" she looked at everyone puzzled "Does that mean I kissed a girl?"
"No" Tina laughed "Unless I did as well"
"If you two did, I did" Sugar showed Mercy her phone "I can't open the zip file though"
"Well Ryder's dead" Santana slammed her phone down
"So, we're saying the guys kissed some girls?" Sugar asked for confirmation
"I'm thinking we kissed some girls, or a girl" Brittany told them
"But how did they get all our numbers?" Mercedes asked
"That's a Rachel move, she gives shit out like she's selling autographs" Quinn snapped at her
"I must have been seriously drunk if I did" Rachel told them unable to fully deny the move
"I'll call Mike, he's the worst liar" Tina tapped his contact
"What are you going to say?" Brittany asked
"Don't say anything in case we kissed girls" Sugar told her
"Really?" Mercedes looked at her sarcasm in her tone for the comment "Tell him to tell Sam the weddings off"
"Mercedes" Quinn looked at her upset
"Shhh" Tina waved her finger at Mike answering
The Call
"Hey babe" Mike's voice could be heard by everyone "Am I on speaker?"
"Hey babe, Yeah I'm eating breakfast"
"They're all fucking listening, they know" Sam mouthed, holding his head looking wide eyed at the phone
"Dude" Mike mouthed using his hand to calm him down "So what's up babe?"
"Nothing" Tina looked at the paper Quinn was holding up "Just that" she looked at Quinn blankly "Just that Puck was supposed to call Quinn this morning and he didn't she's been fretting, I told her I'd check"
"He's fine, still asleep" Mike looked at Puck
"She just thought he'd have at least sent her a message" Tina smiled looking at the girls open mouthed around her "What?" she mouthed at them
"Too damn obvious" Mercedes mouthed "Close the call"
"That was Mercy" Sam hissed
"What was that Babe?" Mike asked talking over him
"Nothing, I guess that was it"
"So, I'll see you later, at the airport?"
"Sure, bye babe, love you"
"Love you too babe, bye" he closed the call
The Guys
"Told you they were all listening, something's up" Sam told them
"If you'd have kissed someone, she'd have been shouting it down the phone, and she wouldn't have waited for T to call" Mike told him
"True" Finn nodded
"I heard her voice, why didn't she just shout hi?"
"Why didn't you shout hi?" Mike asked him
"I'll tell you" Artie laughed "Because one of us, or all of us, kissed some random girl last night"
"But how would they know that?" Rory asked
"I get the feeling Santana's on her way over" Ryder shuddered
"Let's hit that karaoke bar and find out what the hell happened last night" Puck picked up a pancake and stuffed it in his mouth
"Yep" Sam clapped his hands, and picked up more food, like everyone else, before rushing off to get dressed
"There are three close by" Artie came out fully dressed, with his phone attached "We should split up and check them out" he looked at Puck shaking his head "Rory, Ryder, come with me" he laughed at Puck faking a slap across his head as he walked by him
"Finn?" Puck asked
"As the best man, it's only right I stay with the groom" Finn told him, watching Mike and Sam enter the room
"Puck, Finn, I've sent you the addresses" Artie told them closing the door behind him
"We'll take the second one" Puck told Finn "Come on Mike"
"No more drinking" Mike warned him, heading towards the door after him
Everyone was gone for less than an hour before retuning back to the hotel room, it was clear Artie, Ryder and Rory had carried the drink fest on from the night before, while Puck and Mike had unfamiliar smiles on their faces. Finn and Sam were the last one's back, expecting someone to have something for them as they'd come up blank too, nobody had recognised them.
"So?" Sam asked throwing his jacket across the couch as he walked further into the room
"Nothing" Ryder told him
"Nothing" Puck smirked "But" he held his hand up "The doorman said we'd created a karaoke evening downstairs for all the guests"
"Forced entertainment?" Finn held his head "I hate when Rachel does that shit"
"The bad news is" Mike looked at him "We were with two groups of hens, having a good time, nothing untoward, but the picture could be of one of maybe twenty five women"
"Oh, that really helps" Sam hissed "That picture's going to hit the papers, the fans are going to have a fucking field day 6 days before the wedding" he sat down hard on the couch "I need to call Mercy"
"Damage control" Finn grabbed his phone, everyone moving to a space in the room to have their conversation
The Girls
"You didn't get a thing" Santana snapped at her "And now we'll look sus if we call them again"
"Calm down" Brittany told her "We need to find this little things home, before we leave this evening" she sat stroking the poodle
"And find out about Tina's tattoo" Quinn reminded them
"Shit yeah" Tina touched her back
"Come on finish up, let's take the dog to reception and find out about the tattoo" Rachel suggested
They eventually took the poodle to reception and handed it in saying they'd found it wondering on their corridor, asked the receptionist about a local tattooist and left in search of the shop "Hey" the tattoo artist smiled raising his hands at them walking in "One thousand and one" he laughed at them
"You know us?" Santana asked him
"I remember you" he smiled "Very well" he laughed
"What did she do?" Rachel asked eager to get the dirt
"That would be telling" he laughed
"Never mind them, did you do this to me?" Tina jumped into the conversation
"Guilty" he smiled "Definitely Joe's work"
"Did I give you permission, Joe?"
"Of course, it's more than my business is worth to do shit like that without it" he looked at her "You guys don't remember do you?"
"Remember what?" Brittany asked
"Quite early in the evening about 15 of you walked in here, you and this red head were arguing about who was getting what, she chose a dog for you, and you chose a dick for her"
"I did what?" Tina asked shocked
"It's fine" he laughed "They were a girl on girl group, so she had her fiancée's lady lips on instead, it looked cool actually"
"I kissed a girl" Mercedes frowned
"We all kissed girls" Quinn looked at her wide eyed
"Can you take this off?" Tina asked the guy showing him her back
"I get so many of you in, I just use the dye I don't use the needle, there's always regret" he laughed
"Did you see any of us taking photos?" Sugar asked
"Everyone was taking photos it was a dare" Joe told them
"I've got to get out of here, I've basically divorced Sam before we've even got married, and I'm the freaking guilty party in all this" Mercedes turned to leave the shop
"What are the papers going to say?" Rachel asked rushing past the others to follow Mercedes "Come on" she called to the others stood open mouthed, they were like a trail of ants making the short journey back to the hotel, in silence they made their way to the room, needing to think what to do next
"It's my phone" Mercedes threw it down "I can't speak to him without knowing the truth"
"You've…" Rachel started to speak and stopped when her phone started ringing, before everyone else's around the room started ringing
"They know" Santana gasped opening her call
The Call
"Babe" Santana called "Everything alright?"
"I think so" Ryder's voice strained on the other end of the phone
"It would seem I kissed a girl last night" Santana told him, hoping for a laugh
"What?" Rachel gasped
"You kissed a girl?" Ryder shouted everyone in the room froze listening to his conversation "What do you mean you kissed a girl?" everyone move closer to him to listen to the call. At first there were sighs of relief that there was nothing to answer for, from the guys, but then there was concerns about what their partners had got up to the night before
"I don't know" Santana looked at the others around the room, stood with their mouths open, she was always the one ready to do battle not the one to admit to shit before she was even asked
"Is Mercy there?" Sam asked breaking the silence, right now he didn't care what anyone thought about him looking out for himself
"Yes" Mercedes called
"I'm calling you now" he told her, suddenly there was nothing more urgent than telling her the truth
Sam & Mercy
"Babe" he smiled at hearing her voice "I need to tell you before it comes out as news"
"You didn't sleep with anyone did you?"
"No, of course not" he smiled to himself, if that was her only concern they'd never be any "I left my phone home last night and when I woke up this morning there was a message on my phone, I swear I wasn't that drunk, I would at least remember if I'd done it but…"
"There was a message saying you'd kissed a girl?"
"Yeah but, they were hen's, so I don't know if it was one of those dare things you girls do, or just a picture of one of use kissing a girl they sent" he huffed "But I think we need to get something together just in case the press get hold of it"
"I can explain you kissing a girl, but what about me?"
"What about you?" he asked puzzled
"I got a message saying I kissed a girl this morning, I can't open the zip file, so I just assumed it was you, but then we went to the tattoo shop, and they told us we were with a group of hens arguing or something"
"So, we both got a message, this is so strange" he thought about it "Listen I don't want this going any further than it's gone already, lets not open it until we get home, if it is anything, I prefer Will to be the one to see whatever it is"
"What should I tell the others?"
"Like what?"
"We all got the message"
"Where the hell did they get all our numbers from, it's got to be someone we know?" he sat in silence for a short while
"Babe you're in Vegas, we're in Hollywood, what's the odds on someone tapping all our phones, plus we left them here too"
"The plot thickens" he giggled nervously "Tell them all we'll open the file when we get home"
"Okay"
"Six days babe"
"I know" she giggled "Can you believe we're finally getting to the alter?"
"We've always been stood there, it was just about creating the space, Mrs Evans"
"I love you babe"
"I love you right back, harder" he waited for the silence "I thought this was going to be trouble for us"
"So did I" there was a smile in her voice "I'm glad we've proved to be stronger than this"
"Yet again" he added "I'm so ready for this"
"You'll be meeting me at the airport?"
"I will, you know as soon as we touch down we won't get another minute to ourselves"
"But a week from now we'll get a lifetime together"
"When you look at it like that" they giggled "Miss you"
"Miss you too" she turned to look at the others "Got to go babe" she sent him a kiss
"Bye babe" he smiled happy again
The Truth
"It's a prank" Finn told them when everyone finished their calls "Who set this up?"
"It's something I'd do to be honest, but seriously, this isn't me" Puck assured everyone
"We've wasted the whole morning stressing over this shit" Artie frowned
"Lets just get packed and get the fuck home" Rory suggested
"I'm on that" Mike stepped off to grab his things
The journey home for all parties was exciting for seeing their other halves, lots of talk about the night before as memories came back, and sleep. When the plane landed they couldn't grab their bags quick enough to get off, everyone eager to see who was in the picture. The smile on the men's faces at seeing their wives and girlfriends stood waiting for them was priceless, within seconds no one's arms were empty
"Sam" Will called him
"Will" he freed up an arm to shake his hand "I need you to unlock this zip file, someone's playing a game"
"I thought it was a serious breach" Will laughed taking the phone, within a minute he'd opened it on his phone
"They all have one" Sam looked round at his friends
"Do you know these people?" Will asked Sam
"Hey" they all turned to see Jake walking towards them, even more surprised to see Marley with him, they'd had a bad break just over two years ago "The girl in question" he smiled "What are you guys all doing here?"
"What are you doing here" Puck walked towards his brother
"I sent the pic, I kissed a girl?" he took his hug laughing "We're back together, something to celebrate"
"You ruined a perfectly good breakfast" Sam told him
"For everyone" Santana added as they all hugged