Hello everybody! Happy New Year! I'm so late! You guys are going to hate me, but this chapter was actually done several days ago. I had written half and then finished writing the other half...but when I finished that I had the thought that the second half would be better later on...I thought of just posting anyway, but I couldn't help it so I scraped it and started again. This version is little longer and little lighter, so I hope that makes up for the wait.
Also, you guys are precious! Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews. You guys don't understand how happy they make me. Keep them coming! If you feel like it that is, not mandatory, though they do make me happy!
So I have a few reviews want to respond to. I hope ya'll don't mind.
UGudBroXD: Oh, yeah. You're right. It's safe to awesome assume you like angst then? When it came to Zuko's reaction, I kinda just went with my gut in the end. I didn't think too much about anything other than how I think he would react, but really, Zuko is just the definition of angst in general. And you know, when you think about it, Zuko's family is just sad in general. The family dynamic I mean.
Brisalad: We talked a little already about some things, but I just wanted to say that I always look forward to your reviews. Mini essays are welcome always :)
Wil02: I'm glad you liked it! I've loved trying to get down their thoughts and reactions to that. I feel like it's so easy to talk and not really think about the consequences until everything is done and you're just like "Aw man, I shouldn't have said that"
That last sentence really got down to the core of what I was trying to express: Aang never wanted to kill Ozai yet did and Katara wanted to kill Yon Rha yet couldn't. I loved it.
Sam: I loved reading your review so much. I could feel your frustration. And I get, I do. I hope as the story progresses, you get to understand the characters a little more. Aang is going through a tough time, but have some faith in them. You'll see they also have some jazz to work through. It's gonna be a bumpy road, but have faith. As for Katara, you just expect more from her, which I think we all do :) I'm happy you're liking the story and I hope you continue to do so!
Guys it's seems like everyone loves Suki right now (I do too), and a lot of you seem to really want Katara to "step up". I'm dying you guys:) Our lovely Katara is going to have her work cut out for her, please be kind to her!
Excuse the long note, Chapter 7
Chapter 7: Nightmares Begin
"And now you shall pay the ultimate price!"
I watch my eyes aglow, sparkling white. Water, earth, fire, and air are swirling together at the flick of my fingers. The shift of my arm down commands the elements toward Ozai's trapped body. His eyes are wide open with fear. Panic begins to slowly consume me as the deadly combination of elements and force nears him. I'm paralyzed as I watch the scene unfold achingly slow. I clutch my chest, "Stop! Don't!"
My feet are rooted in my spot unable to move. I reach forward; desperately, attempting to block the path, to do anything to stop me from killing him. But no, his back arches up as my strike breaks skin. His mouth opens wordlessly as the life drains from his eyes. My tears fall as blood seeps out from him and suddenly I'm falling.
The world is dark. I inhale heavily as I look left and right for any sort of light. Something akin to horror grips me. I just killed a man. I just took a life. In the darkness, I crouch on my knees and hold my head with both hands. I killed a man. No! It can't be! My chest heaves up and down as the ground below me becomes hotter and hotter. Space around me becomes small and flashes of red begin filling my surroundings.
Inside a ball of earth, I'm sweating from the heat and trying to keep from burning myself. I'm bending a pocket of air around me as flames tear down the barrier of earth I created. Ozai grins wickedly as he shoots another burst of fire at me. My hands falter. The heat burns hotter. Flames are nearing my face.
I snap my eyes open.
My heart pounds erratically as I clutch the cover over me. I stare at the crimson sheets over the bed with despair. Everything here is bleeding. My lower lip trembles as moisture builds in my eyes. If I had just been faster...If I had just done what I needed to do right then and there...If I hadn't given him the chance to keep talking...would things be different?
I close my eyes and push past the pain I felt by killing Ozai. I push back the fear I had every time I almost tasted death by his hand. Instead, I focus on trying to remember the peace I felt with the lion turtle. 'In the era before the Avatar, we bent not the elements, but the energy within ourselves.' I look above me and ask, "Could I have done that?"
Am I capable of bending another's energy? The lion-turtle's words linger: To bend another's energy, your own spirit must be unbendable, or you will be corrupted and destroyed. I took a human life. With my own hands, without a second thought, I killed a man. I struggled and begged to find another way, to find an alternative, but I chose to kill him even when I found it. I wavered. I hesitated. Why? A few words from the man changed my mind, but it shouldn't have. It shouldn't have! I didn't want to kill him. I don't want to be a murder, but now I am.
"They don't deserve to exist either."
Ozai's cackling rings in my head. My heart swells with rage. How dare he decide who can live and who can die? As soon as the thought ends, my heart deflates with shame and misery. How dare I decide if he should live or die? I clutch the nearest pillow to my chest. Someone had to be responsible for all those deaths. A person like that can't have another chance to harm the world. He showed no compassion. Not even a little remorse. If you can't at least pretend to be sorry, why couldn't you keep your mouth shut! I clutch my head, "Stop..."
"...that's not right..."
You can't go around killing people you don't like. What is to say that in the years to come, even if it took all his life, Ozai didn't come to regret his ways? How can I expect the world to not want to take retaliation against the Fire Nation when I gave their leader the ultimate punishment...I sit up on my bed quickly. When everyone realizes the Fire Lord is dead, will people trust me? Whether I had the authority to kill the Fire Lord or not, will they look at me the same?
I throw the covers off and sit on the side of the bed. I wince as my back stings in two different spots. I frown, "Unbendable..."
What does it even mean to be unbendable? Right now, I don't think I'm anywhere to being that. Unable to handle my thoughts anylonger, I rise from my bed and walk out the door.
I'm not sure how long I roam the palace before I stumble upon the kitchen. It's only when I'm met with several pairs of eyes that I realize it must be morning now. The staff regard me with confusion and disbelief.
"Oops..."
They stare waiting for me to finish my thought, but I don't. I just stare and they stare back. A man in more intricate robes walks into the kitchen from an entrance on the far right corner of the room, "What are you doing? Get to work! Breakfast must be ready in 30 minutes."
The man busies himself taste testing some of the dishes already done. Making note of the hesitation, he speaks clearly, "You are here to serve the royal family. If you can't do that, get out."
Bodies begin moving in a frenzy. Still, I catch the lingering gaze of cooks. The man in charge of the kitchen (that's what I assume) meets my gaze as he scans the room. Recognition covers his face before quickly lowering his gaze. He sets the ladle in his hand down as he he drags his eyes to the cook sneaking glances at me. She mindlessly toys with ingredient containers and if it weren't for awkwardness I feel, I would have laughed when the man flicks her forehead in annoyance.
"I suggest you focus on this stew considering it's severely lacking flavor, rather than gawking at the guest."
She pouts rubbing her fingers on pink skin. He directs his voice across the room, "That goes for all of you."
"...But I'm not making stew."
The cheeky response comes from the farthest end of the room. The man ignores the voice in favor of walking toward me. He faces the room but his body remains angled toward mine, "Unless you want to spend your weekend peeling onions, watch your cheek. Yu Lee, stop laughing unless you want to join him. 25 minutes, breakfast better be done or you'll be mopping until you bend water."
The man turns around. His palm and fist meet as he briefly looks me in the eyes. He bows respectfully and when he rises, his gaze is lowered, "Avatar Aang, I apologize for the disorder and my mannerless staff. I shall seek a suitable punishment for them."
"Where is the Head Chef?" He asks the room abruptly.
The kitchen is thick with tension as some wince and others nervously gaze at the man. A boy in the back, maybe as old as Katara knocks an empty pan over and rushes to pick it up. As he stands, he hits his head on the table the pan fell under. He moans, but quickly turns his gaze to meet mine. His eyes widen before lowering them as he bows, head nearly touching the floor. I fight the urge to rub my head.
"Please forgive my clumsiness Avatar Aang!"
I frown, "Me? You should ask your head for forgiveness. That sounded like it hurt."
After a beat of silence, the boy's cheeks stain red. I turn to the man. Sensing my hesitation, maybe, he speaks, "I am Wan Lee, Master of the Household."
I wasn't too far off the mark.
"Ah...nice to meet you." I press my palm and fist together with a bow.
His eyes widen. Soft murmurs float around the kitchen. I rub my neck and blush as goosebumps cover my bare skin, "I'm sorry. I was taking a...stroll...and came across here. I'm not even dressed properly..."
I fight the urge to face palm, stroll? Who says that?!
He frowns, "If you would follow me, I can help you."
He gives his staff a pointed look before leading me out the door.
He walks silently ahead of me. I thank my lucky stars and wonder if he can sense I don't have much to say. Soon, we're back to my room. True to his word, he lets me know that a set of boots and robes have already been delivered to me. Breakfast will be ready soon and he will be back to help guide me to the dining room if I so desire, for which I'm grateful because I can't even remember the way to the kitchens.
I open the cloth bundle that is my robes as soon as I finish bathing. When the red fabric falls to the sides, it reveals a familiar pattern within. I sigh heavily. Looking in a mirror, I don't look any different, but I don't feel the same.
I look down at my shoes. I think back to the kitchen. Confusion, disbelief, and tension were the main emotions I could gather...maybe a bit of curiosity. What are they thinking? Aside from Wan Lee's strict behavior, everyone seemed like regular people with personalities and quirky antics...I know it's stupid to be surprised, but it's been so long since I've been here...I forgot what I was fighting for. Sure, they may be Fire nation, but they're people with lives and jobs and families. People feel sadness, happiness, and fear among many things. More than taking anyone down, I want to protect people. Ozai flashes in my head.
Can I do that?
Yeah, so this is lighter than the original draft of this chapter. hehe, hope you like it and as always. Reviews are welcome should you feel inclined! Thank you all for reading!
Quote of the Chapter:
Even in the dark, there is life.
-Pyreness