Hello Lovely readers! I wanted to post this so much sooner, but alas - time escapes me. Thank you for the lovely reviews and please, do feel free to leave some more! Also, so sorry about the long wait on last chapter. I meant to say so the last time, but I figured I had taken so long to post, might as well not wait any longer. I hope it's to your liking! It was certainly a roller coaster writing it for me.

Chapter 14: Panic

Gyatso used to say that flying is to an airbender like taking a long walk after a long day to everyone else. 'When the world is too stressful . . .' He said, 'Fly, because in the air there is nothing to bother you; only birds to keep you company and blue skies to lift your spirits, or sometimes - when in luck - storms to match your turmoil.' At the time, I had been confused. Flying in a storm after a bad day seemed like a bad idea. Wouldn't it make you feel worse? When I ran away, I understood. There's a sort of comfort in having the air match your mood. Almost as if nature felt your pain. The feeling is all consuming and weight lifting at once.

After I ran away, I understood the warning Gyatso gave me following that piece of wisdom. Eyes glinting with mischief, he said, 'Beware, however, young one. Just like riding an ostrich-horse after too much wine will land you over the mountain side, flying without a grip on your emotions will leave you with the taste of mud in the mouth and a horrible headache, if you still have one after.'

I can hardly see past all the moisture in my eyes. Where do I go from here? Flying isn't helping. The urge to flee is stronger than it was the night I left the temples, but I won't make the same mistake. I'm here. I won't run. I just need a moment. I think of Appa as I land roughly near the stables. Rubbing my face, a staggered breath leaves me. At pace that matches Azula's hysteria, my legs carry me back to the palace. The doors I walk through thunder as they bang against the wall. Servants rush forward. Some look confused, others ask questions that I ignore. I barely register Wan Lee approaching. His mouth moves, but I no longer hear anything. I shake my head furiously and by some grace, he and the servants disappear.

I can't go to my room and I can't keep roaming these halls. I don't want to face my friends, but I also have no where else to go. Every breath is harder than the last and when my hands begin to clutch my head, I rush to the first door I see. Closing the door behind me, I curl down into a corner. There is no light aside from what little seeps under the door and that is just fine because the emotion overcomes me and I let out a silent scream. A squeak escapes and my eyes leak uncontrollably as I pound my fists over my head. There is nothing comfortable about the position I'm in, but I have no will to move my limbs. Fear grips me as my hands and feet begin to vibrate. I start to gasp open mouthed. No longer do I care about how much noise I make. Now, I can't breathe. The air is there, but my body won't take it and it amidst my growing panic, I almost wish I could smile. An airbender with no air.

"I know it's hard, but you need to breathe." A voice urgently tells me. A pair of warm hands hold my shoulders.

"I-I don- I-" It's hard to finish the sentence in between breaths. My eyes shift back and forth in the darkness. I feel a gentle squeeze from those hands, "I know. I know it's hard. Just try. Don't say anything, just breathe."

I shake my head. A hand moves from my shoulder. With two flicks, light fills . . . it's a broom closet. There's a boy in front of me with eyes so pale, they could be actual water. Speckled with soft swirls of brown and gold, those eyes are concerned. He's talking when I come to.

"That's it Avatar, sir. Deep breaths."

We stay like that: me against the corner and him kneeling over me. And, we breathe for a long time. Then, I realize, "You're the boy, from the kitchens."

His cheeks burn rosy pink, "Yeah, that's me. With the frying pan."

His hands release my shoulders sheepishly and I stretch my legs as he looks around anxiously. Quietly, I tell him, "You should sit too. That must be uncomfortable."

Hands on his knees, he shakes his head, "I'm sorry, Avatar Aang. I didn't mean to intrude on a personal moment like that I just-"

"You were here first." I tell him, "I'm sorry you saw that."

I'm sure my face is red too. His eyes widen, "No! I mean- We- I- I am here to serve and . . . and Wan Lee is going to kill me!"

The boy pulls his hair. I manage half a grin, "If you don't tell anyone about this, I won't tell anyone you were playing hooky."

"I wasn't . . ." The boy stammers.

I raise my eyebrows. He eyes me warily before mumbling, "Deal."

Suddenly very tired, I lean back on the wall. I hear him ask hesitantly, "Has that happened before?"

I close my eyes, "No."

It scares me. I was so overwhelmed, it felt impossible to carry on and now, I almost feel numb, "It must be hard, being the Avatar."

I stare at the ceiling. There are little webs on the corners of the walls. He continues, "You shouldn't feel so bad. Even if today I found out you could have spared the former Fire Lord, he's not worth the thread of your robes, much less your agony."

My head snaps toward him. His speckled eyes don't waver as he speaks, "We hear things, you know. The servants. We're always watching. Ozai wasn't a good man. Except maybe to the wealthy folks."

"I don't know what the peoples of the other nations are like, but if they're anything like you, the world could use that."

I shake my head, "Killing is never a good thing. I should have spared him. I should have shown more restraint. No one, no one, should have the right to do what I did."

My heart begins to jump. I don't know what posses me to bare my heart to a stranger like this. Maybe because I've already shown him my weakness, there is nothing holding me back anymore. Regardless, there is a sting that slaps me in the most comforting way when he responds after a long pause, " A lot of people in the homeland are brainwashed to believe that what our country is doing is right. Here, we see and hear everything, they can't fool us. They fool the history books and the people who read them into believing that doing everything for the nation is the right thing. But killing, the act of taking a life, is ugly. So, I know it's not right, but I'm glad he's gone and I'm glad you did it."

"The former Fire Lord would have killed anyone that looked him in the wrong way. I mean that literally. He would show no mercy and even less remorse. He was an evil man, but you are not. Our nation is responsible for the genocide of your people, yet the kindness you've shown us and the way you treat the prince like family. How you mourn for-"

"I'm not mourning him," I begin quietly, "I'm glad he's dead."

The boy says nothing. Tearing my eyes away from him, I admit softly for the first time to another living being, "I hate that I killed him. I hate that I took his chance to maybe feel remorse one day. I hate that I'm glad that he's dead!"

"I hate that I lost control of myself and did what I promised I wouldn't, what I thought I couldn't. I could have spared him."

He seems to think this over. When he speaks again, he asks only one thing, "At what cost?"

"I-"

"Forgive me for interrupting you, sir." The boy bows his head before continuing, "To the world, that answer means little. You saved the world from being ruled by a bad man. If you are looking for punishment from the world, you won't find it. Not for that. Except perhaps from the same kind of people that agreed with the former Fire Lord."

"This question is one you should answer yourself. When you've answered that then think again about how you are treating yourself. Then decide what you are going to do about it."

"What I'm going to do?"

The boy smiled, "You're refreshingly humble, sir. I have no doubt that you'll realize that as horrible as taking a life is. As wrong as it may be, what you did came not from hate, but from good intentions."

My face must show confusion and dissent for his smile widens as he carries on, "And, while the road to hell is paved with good intentions, the path away is filled with remorse. Everyone is allowed to make mistakes, even you."

"Personally, I don't think you did wrong, but what matters is what you think."

The boy stood and dusted his pants, "I should probably get back to work. Please bring flowers to my funeral if Wan Lee decides to kill me instead."

Was this the clumsy boy from the kitchen? For a moment, it's like I'm staring at Monk Gyatso with different eyes. I tear my gaze away and open the door. The light from outside seems almost too bright. I tell the boy next to me, "I'll talk to Wan Lee for you."

His eyes widen, "No, that's okay! I was just kidding! He'll probably just smack me upside the head, no need to trouble yourself, sir."

"Aang."

"Huh?" He asks.

"My name is Aang." I tell him, "You don't look much older than me. There's no reason to call me sir."

"I couldn't possibly-"

A wave of emotion passes through me. As embarrassed as I am at having lost myself so thoroughly, I feel largely thankful to him. A complete stranger that listened to what I said, whom understood why I felt as I did, and didn't make me feel like my fears were unfounded. Perhaps, it's because I had already exposed myself to my friends that telling this stranger made it easier the second time. I don't know. All I know is that I feel hopeful. Though facing my friends makes me anxious still, there is a certain amount of control that I have now. My fist and palm press together and I bend lowly.

"Souta!"

"Aang!"

When I rise, the boy is staring at me with shock written all over his face. I know my friends are here and so is Wan Lee, but they stay where they are as I smile, "Thank you, Souta."

I extend my hand and after a beat, he smiles too and takes it, "You're welcome . . . Aang."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. When I open them, the boy I've just found out is named Souta is there and he says so only I hear, "They won't condemn you. They love you."

"Are you sure?"

He smiles wider and nods towards my friends. When I turn, they all look varying degrees of concerned. Wan Lee looks thoughtful. I approach them and address him first, "I'm sorry I took so much of his time. I was having an issue and Souta kindly gave me his help."

His posture relaxes minutely and he answers, "Was it resolved well, sir. Anything I may be of assistance?"

"No, you're good!" I exclaim, "And please call me Aang!"

The man doesn't skip a beat, "As you wish sir Aang."

I nearly laugh as the man bows and turns with a silent command to Souta. The boy scrambles behind him with a mock whisper to me as he passes, "I like Fire Lilies!"

The duo bow to Zuko and our friends before completely walking out of sight. Katara waits no longer to wrap me in her arms, "Are you okay?"

Much like this morning, my hands stay limply at my sides. With a sigh, I bury my face in her neck, "Yeah."

Her hands cup my cheeks and she leans her forehead against mine, "I was so worried. I thought-"

"Nevermind." She shakes her head, "About Azula. What in the world was that?"

Her hands let me go and she steps away. She goes deathly quiet and when she looks at me, her eyes burn brighter than Azula's flames, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA? OF ALL THE STUPID THINGS-"

"Katara-"

"For spirits' sake Aang, she threatened to kill you and you just-" I gulp as she stomps back and forth, the air around us becoming frigid, "NOT ONLY DID YOU JUST STAND THERE, YOU- YOU LET HER NEAR YOU-"

"Well, it's more like I-

"I DONT CARE!"

I flinch. She snaps her hand forward, her finger points at me accusingly, "AND THEN, you made it nearly impossible to reach you with that stupid air wall thing you were doing!"

Airwall? I fight the urge to scratch my head. I don't remember doing that. As the air turns colder, I begin to see small ice particles form midair. Sokka speaks then, "Uh, Katara?"

Her hands move wildly in front of her, "I can't- You can never-"

"Katara." Sokka tries again.

I dart between my fascination with the ice building and the emotion in her eyes. She glares, "You are never allowed to put yourself in danger like that! Do you understand?"

I'm half tempted to remind her of my job description, but she's so angry, I doubt she'll listen to anything I say now. It's only until Sokka finally yells her name that she stops her glaring at me to redirect it at Sokka.

"What is it, Sokka!"

"As much as we all appreciate the melody of your screaming," Toph answers blandly in Sokka's place, "We would prefer to not freeze along with these icicles you got going."

Katara blinks as she notices the icicles around us for the first time. Sokka, whom jumped back behind Suki clears his throat, "I think sitting somewhere comfy would be nice too."

The icicles fall to floor as water with an exhale from Katara. Suki's kind eyes turn to me, "I think you have something you might want to tell us too."

Grimly, I nod.

I truly don't know what I was expecting. An explosion? Outcry? Outrage? We're all gathered around on fluffy cushions that somehow feel uncomfortable but are not. No one says anything, they sit quietly and look at me waiting. Not expectantly, just waiting. I get ready to speak a few times and change my mind. No one rushes me. I remind myself that I've said it already, but it's different with them. I love them. That thought makes it harder, but it also pushes me to speak.

"Where do I even start?" I ask aloud. I receive no response, but I wasn't expecting one. Momo bounds into the room and curls in my lap. Lightly, I scratch his head.

"What I did to Azula is something called energy bending."

They seemed surprised by my words. I smile a little at that. They seem lost and if it's because it's not what they thought I would say or by the new bending ability, I don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's a mix between the two.

"Your eyes glowed," says Sokka softly.

I shake my head, "It's not an Avatar thing, I learn it from a giant lion-turtle."

Their eyes widen again. It's Toph that asks, "When'd you do that?"

"Remember that island I told you guys about? What I didn't tell you was that the island was actually a lion-turtle."

"I thought there was something weird when you told us about that!" Toph exclaims and yelps sharply after. Zuko elbowed her. She slumps in her seat, "Well, I did."

"What does that . . ." Suki trails off.

"In the era before the Avatar, we bent not the elements, but the energy within ourselves." I recite to them as the lion-turtle taught me.

Zuko furrows his eyebrows, "Azula seemed spooked after you left."

"She would be." I tell him. "Azula is very lost and confused, and most of all hurt."

"You sound like you know what she's thinking." Zuko says quizzically.

Katara, who has been quietly listening up to now narrows her eyes, "You sound as if you were sorry for her."

Somehow, I know that what I did to Azula was not what the lion-turtle intended I do to Ozai, but it explains how it knew I needed help. The same way the lion-turtle understood my turmoil and gave me peace. I let Azula feel that tranquility for a moment and took her pain for another. However, much like the tranquility of the lion-turtle did not last, neither could mine to Azula. Yet, in the passing instant, I understood her like I never thought I could. As cold hearted and ruthless as she is, a part of her yearns for love that she never felt she had. A part of her still wishes for unconditional loyalty and trust. Better than anyone, I understand the extent of her ruthlessness, yet there is something undeniably human about her, so yes. I do feel sorry for her.

"I do." I tell Katara simply, "But that's not the point of this story."

"I don't know exactly how it works. Energy bending isn't like bending the elements."

"So what is it then?" Toph asks.

"Is it like mind-bending or something?"

Katara rolls her eyes at Sokka. I shake my head. "What I did to Azula might seem like it though. I absorbed some of her emotions and I let her take some of mine in a way."

"You did what?" Katara asks almost trembling with something in between fear and . . . fear?" Suki leans back astonished, "How is that even possible?"

I shrug. Sokka rubs his chin, "But Aang, how would this have helped you with Ozai?"

His eyes are uncertain, "You said you could have spared him. I doubt you could have made him remorseful forever."

"No, it doesn't work like that." I tell him. It's odd knowing something to be true without concrete evidence of it.

"Then . . .?" Suki prods.

"Energy bending relies completely on instinct, I think." I pause and speak as I remember, "Before, I killed Ozai . . . I was going to use energy bending on him."

I know I have their undivided attention, "The peace I felt when I started. I knew what I needed to do and how to do it."

I close my eyes. I can feel the swirl of Ozai's energy. Red and angry, hateful. Everything was hot and all consuming, but I knew that it wasn't what I was looking for. I had no need for that. What I needed was the spark of energy that his body was fighting to protect. That spark was an integral part of the man, but he could live without. His bending. I open my eyes and calmly tell them as if I hadn't just truly formulated that thought for the first time, "I was going to take his bending away."

They all paled, horrified. Several things dawned on them at once. I'm sure of it. The first being that taking someone's ability to bend is possible. The second being that I truly could have spared Ozai. And the third, that I chose not to.

Azula

"Leave me."

The servant at last relents and leaves to my empty white walls. Anyone would go crazy in this place. With nothing to see or hear, it's no wonder most would take death. My spine straightens as a voice crawls through my head, "Don't say that, sweetheart."

I shake my head. The restraints around my arms keep me from moving, "Stop. Leave me alone."

I feel her touch on my skin. The hairs there raise as she whispers lovingly, "I love you, Azula. I want you to live."

My lips tremble. Why must she torture me like this? She never loved me. Always preferred her beloved Zuko.

"That's not true, Azula." She denies, "I love you."

"LIAR!"

Father loved me. He never treated me like a monster. I was princess to him. I WAS A PRINCESS.

"No, you're a monster. You were always a monster," she whispers sweetly. Tears escape now and rush down cheeks. I shake my head. She lies. She lies. She hated me. I disgusted her. She lies, just like the Avatar. I will kill him!

"The Avatar doesn't lie Azula." She says sadly, "Your father only cared about one thing."

I shake my head. No, he loved me. I was his favorite! He banished Zuko! Not me! I took Ba Sing Se! He made ME Fire Lord!

"Power."

"NO! NO NO NO!"

I clench my eyes close. The Avatar lies!

Except, my body relaxed. What he did . . . he gave me . . . nothingness. I felt nothing, just quiet. No Ursa or Zuko or thoughts, just quiet. And then, then he left. Why would he lie? Why torture me? A weak fool like him.

"The Avatar is very powerful." The voice said conversationally, "Your father was the fool for thinking otherwise."

"SHUT UP!"

Could it be he's telling the truth? And if he is . . . I truly am alone. All coherent thought leaves me. All I know for a long time are my screams and tears.

Words spoken hurt. As do those left unspoken.

-Pyrenees