A/N: Has Esme finally seen the light? I hope so xx Another couple of places named for my Facebook group xx Alexis
I have a terrible sinking feeling, that I have made a serious mistake! Not the leaving behind of my family, but going with Jasper, Emmett and Bella. I had wrongly thought this would just be a specifically stern, slightly stronger and longer than normal punishment for Alice and Edward. But also one Rose and Carlisle might actually learn from as well. I thought giving them a severe jolt of reality should be enough and everything would go back to the way it always has been. With the expectation of them behaving a lot better in the future than they had before. This after being forced to take this unfunded and unsupported time-out from us all. But unfortunately, it appears I was the only one who thought that, the others have no intention of ever returning.
Even Emmett has no interest in returning to the others and that means Rose will leave too! My family has shattered, because of Edward's attacks on both Bella and Charlie Swan. This final act seems to be the straw that broke the camel's back and has torn us asunder! I had made the original decision when it had just been Bella he'd hurt, no let call it what it was, attempted to drain. But he has now compounded it, what with him doing the same to her father! I unfortunately now realise I was part of the problem as well, but as usual it had to be pointed out to me in great detail. Jasper can barely talk civilly to me and Bella's annoyance even during her change is beyond obvious. The hardest blow is that Emmett is disgusted by my head in sand attitude, as he calls it.
He raked me over the coals for trying to insist we go to one of my other homes. But they were not just mine in their minds, but Carlisle's too and therefore somewhere they would never willingly go! The stark reminder that I didn't defend Jasper, but fell for Edward's obvious and blatant lies hurt. But he forcefully reminded me this was something I did regularly and religiously! Facing up to my inaction to help Bella as she lay dying, was also a well deserved slap to the face. But they are correct, I did nothing because I didn't think. My weak excuse was that it was easy to forget Bella was still a human. It never, but it really should have crossed my mind that she would die. That she didn't have the luxury of waiting for us to stop arguing and blaming the wrong person, because she was human!
She was so lucky to have the love of a brother, he did what we should have, no what Carlisle should have and I can understand why they are unhappy with all of us. We it appears, had become complacent, callous, insensitive and entrenched in the petty dramas of Edward and Alice! When we reach Jeffersonville I will leave them, because I doubt Bella will want me to teach her anything. As far as they are concerned my way is Carlisle's way and they think, really they know it's wrong and I'm beginning to agree! Why? Well, they are not really his idea's, they are Edward's or Alice's and always have been! He puts up a great front does Carlisle, but that's all it is a fake front for humans and vampires alike. Unfortunately I have been enabling them all for years and have just been made to realise it.
When Jasper mentioned teaching Bella the laws for vampires, my heart sank! I had never quizzed Carlisle on anything that I learned once Jasper joined the family. But to find the things Carlisle and Edward told me were just made up stories which suited Edward's fantasy world was demoralising. We lived in this cookie cutter dream of Alice's making and do everything a seventeen-year-old boy tell us! It wasn't just things Jasper had said, but the Denali's and others we knew, and still I queried nothing. God, the vampire world must be laughing at us behind our backs! Because I never questioned anything, I was more than happy to live in their make believe world and refused to think for myself! That makes me as bad, possibly worse than them!
Why? Well deep down I knew, of course I knew and ignored it, they at least believed their own delusions, well Edward did. That is my sin, my cross to bear, settling for the easy route rather than say no! But now it's all out in the open, I can't go back or not only will I totally lose everyone else's respect, but respect in myself! So it's time to call it quits, I refuse to be Edward's mother for eternity. This farce is done and over and it's time for us to go it alone, just Carlisle and myself. After all Carlisle has given Edward ninety years to become his own man, if he didn't take that onboard is it our fault. Emmett had eighteen years less and he managed, so it's time for Edward to get his own life. Is this drastic, yes but if Carlisle and I are to have any kind of future together it has to be without Edward!
I can't even take solace in the fact Emmett turned out so well, that says more about him, about his character, than it does about Carlisle and I. While I wanted to be their mother so much, I didn't take into consideration what they might want. Only Edward is still acted like a child, while the others were grown up when they were changed. But even if they weren't, they unlike him have grown for the most part. I have a feeling it's me who has stagnated right alongside Edward who refuses to try and Rose who is to scared to attempt it, but if she wants Emmett back she will have too! They say only something profound, like meeting your mate can change a vampire's stance and I think this is the Olympic coven's epiphany! Let's hope that it can save what's left of us, but it won't and can't be together anymore.
RNFSG
These last twenty-four hours have been beyond shocking, humiliating and sole destroying. Why? For so many reasons it's hard to list them and I know it will only get worse. Starting with the obvious from yesterday evening, both times someone else did what I the qualified doctor, should have done. They, two different vampires saved both Bella and her father from certain death! Then Peter Whitlock without any problems covered up the Swans going missing at Edward's hands, instead of me as his coven leader. What did I do as this all happened, I stood around behaving and feeling like a fool and did nothing. The shock of finding those two random burned bodies almost caused me to make everything worse. For a vampire I don't seem to have mastered using my advanced brain capacity or sense of smell.
Am I becoming so humanesque that I don't know how to be a vampire anymore? Luckily the Fire Chief put it down to shock since we were supposedly friends and our children dated. Returning home to find Rose had work out what really happened didn't help, because I already knew it had nothing to so with Jasper. But I of course, never expected him to demure! How stupid was that, how stupid was I? As if any sane person or vampire would accept that kind of blame for someone else, someone who hated and denigrated them at every turn. So why did I expect him too, because that was exactly what Alice and Edward wanted. I just followed them blindly as I always and usually did! But worse I have trained, yes literally trained Esme, Rose and Emmett to also do this.
Now we can see Alice had lost her obviously slender grip on rational thought, and she was acting outwith all normal or expected parameters. But I fear Emmett has stepped out of that box I'd tried to keep him in and now wouldn't believe me if I said the sky was blue! Neither can I blame that on Edward because I chose to be this, a weak pathetic fool and his willing stooge. I am weak and definitely not leader material, but I see our house of cards is coming crashing down and I refuse to stop it this time. Whereas Edward and I assume Esme will at present believe all will go back to normal after a few weeks, but it will not and never should! Because once the Whitlock's pass on the rules of the Volturi, well, let's say my name will be mud! As soon as Esme decides to talk to me I will instigate the dissolution of this farce of a coven!
I have allowed a child to lead me by the nose for nothing but peace, peace from his incessant whining. He like Rose has blamed me for them being unable to grow and laid their every fault at my feet and I let them! Why they could think that, is beyond ludicrous, after all I have changed. I had too after three hundred years, so why can't they? I hate to cast aspersions but neither is actually that bright, or as clever as they think they are, if that's how they perceive our world. How you lead your life is on you and only you, as I am more than well aware! I let myself be pushed and cajoled into the role of fall guy for firstly Edward and then Alice when she came along. I was now truly seeing myself as I guess other's saw me, weak, gullible and foolish.
Emmett is the epitome of what I always thought myself to be, but I'm not and never have been. I am a far cry from the compassionate man I pretend to be. Time to set the record straight for Rose, I wonder what they will do once Emmett forgives her, as I know he will. They will never stay with us and because of Rose's behaviour they can never stay with the Whitlock's. Bella will never allow it and I doubt Charlotte would either. But if anyone can find a compromise it will be Emmett. Yes, I am well aware of them all he is the most intelligent and hard-working. But Edward refused to accept that fact and constantly tried to put him down! Sadly for me Emmett is the son I always wanted, but Edward wouldn't allow me to have! Edward's selfishness and jealousy have finally destroyed everything.
But I fear he won't live long enough to regret it unlike me. Will I tell him this, no I don't believe I will, for once I will do what is best for the whole family or should that be coven and not just him! The hatred and disgust in Charlie Swan's eyes tells me it will be him who end's Edward's life, he will do it for what he did mainly to Bella and then to him.
RNFSG
We were back on our road trip just with an extra passenger, this one was at least still alive. I damn near strangled Peter when I found out he had two stiffs in the back of the truck yesterday! We were on a one hundred hour journey accordin' to Google, but Pete would shave a chunk off of that. The longest leg was from Forks to Omaha roughly thirty-five hours, but Pete did it in roughly twenty-eight. We put the Chief in the sittin' room and did the usual checks on the property it was fine, bar a couple of loose roof tiles and needin' a coat of paint. We traded off goin' huntin' as we didn't want to leave the Chief alone. It was crazy how quiet he was and I found myself chattin' to him while Peter was away. I get the feelin' he's just a naturally good listener. I joked as Peter came back,
"Nice talkin' to you Chief Swan"
"He says you're very welcome and to call him Charlie!" Pete said comin' through the door,
"As long as you call me Char in return, Charlie" I replied smilin' warmly at Peter,
Damn, Charlie is so near the surface he can actually understand fully what's happenin' around him durin' his change. Well, in that case it's time to discuss our new charge's feedin' habits. So as Peter and I tidied up around the house we talked about our way of feedin'. Explainin' how even amongst other vampires we were actually picky eaters, since they had to be hardened criminals or uncaught sex offenders! He was able to ask questions through Peter and agreed our way was the most sensible, humane even and as he knew lots of criminals who had gotten away with crimes and how much he as a cop hated it, he was lookin' forward to evenin' the score. He asked about the Cullens and how did they usually eat if the weren't tearin' out the throats of unsuspectin' humans!
He vehemently said that would not be his food of choice and why were they starvin' humans to feed themselves? Especially when the doctor could get supplies easily for them all though donations or contaminated blood without killin' anyone! Hell he said they could even research and start cleanin' it up for resale to the humans and I was impressed with his ideas. Maybe later we could look into that ourselves, getting' qualifications would be easy enough for us all. Once Charlie and Bella are on their feet we can talk about it again cause it's also a good form of income for them both. But that won't happen for a while and convincin' the Swans to accept money might cause a problem. Our next stop will be outside Ethel, Missouri, like most of our houses they are always on the outskirts.
We can't live to close to humans because of our obvious differences, which was somethin' I never understood about the Cullens. This will be a short journey and stay, because the Major has a handyman who keeps on top of repairs there, it's quite common to have someone keep an eye on his and our places. This stops theft, break-ins and suchlike things, but also gives a little back to these small communities. We quite often have houses within hours of each other, it's handy if Jasper just needs to be alone on the rare visits he used to make. Now, havin' found his real mate he most definitely will and so will we as well. We better start easin' Charlie into thinkin' like us and not as a human anymore, because Bella may be his daughter but a mate always comes first.
If he don't grasp that, it will be her who tears him apart and not the Major! Female vampires are extremely territorial, I should know I am one. Let's just say nobody get between us and out significant others without losin' a limb or two! Charlie will have to realise he will now rank third in her life, after the Major and of course Emmett. Normally it would be just Emmett she'd look to for guidance, but now she has a mate in the mix too. The best idea for everyone would be to keep them apart for now and maybe a few weeks more than that, until we can ascertain their stability. There is a lot more to havin' a newborn, way more than others realise. Especially for nomads like Peter and I, talkin' about newborns, ours is now just under forty hour's in to his change. Bella is only ahead by about four more hours.
RNFSG
Everythin' is goin' good with both the Chief and his daughter. We have been to two homes so far and I want to be at our joint place in El Reno before the Chief completes his change. We will nip into Kansas City first. There is an apartment there which we can use at any time, hell even our friends use it as a stop over. It's one of the few in our portfolio that is in a major city. I always pop in to see what messages have been left for me and Char. Plus I have to pass on the information about both Emmett and us with our newborns. Then there is the matin' of the Major and why everyone best give them a wide birth. Which is the reason I won't be lettin' the Chief anywhere near his daughter for quite a while. It would be a sin if she killed him by mistake!
I'm thinkin' we'll be there around hour sixty, givin' us plenty time to settle in and wait for the Chief to finish cookin'. My knower tells me Esme will bail on them in Jeffersonville, it's for the best. Bella wouldn't be able to stomach her holier than thou attitude for long! All Esme cares about is whether they swear or not, to hell with how many humans they kill, just don't swear! I know for a fact daddy's little princess can swear with the best of us. I'm lookin' forward to havin' the Chief wake up and I also know Char will be needed in Jeffersonville as soon as they arrive, so she can take Bella's stuff and be there to help her. The two guys will freak out when the realise they will have to deal with her womanly needs! I will text the two clowns once Esme is gone and tell them Char's on her way.
Emmett will be to embarrassed and careful around the Major to do more than fix her fingernails and the Major won't want to disrespect her in any manner, so they'll be in a bit of a flap when Esme bails on them. Char will have no problems with the lovely Miss Swan and this will solidify their future lifelong friendship. I know this is somethin' Char has wanted for many years and had once upon a time thought she might have with the pixie-bitch, but to no avail. That would have meant Alice had to share and the wasn't a word she understood or was interested in. She didn't need or want friends because she couldn't accept anythin' other than first place and we are all equal in our coven. Well the bitch is no loss to us and when she's dead no loss to the vampire race, how sad!
I'd like at least one other person to be sad if it were me, but she just don't think like that and maybe it's okay for her! I need to tell Char what's goin' on without the Chief hearin' because he's gonna want to see his daughter before either are ready. I will have to dissuade him, even if I have to beat it into him. I will do it to keep him alive, it's up to him! I'll be able to distract him with some vampire fight trainin' and I'm thinkin' he night have a few moves I could learn too. Plus we need to get a handle on this gift of his as well. I'm hopin' once he's awake it will be easier for me to grasp and I sure hope he get's the fuck out of my head! Mind you it could have been a lot worse, like say Eddie the Swan killer or God forbid the Major and his emo vibes.
Yeah the Chief not so bad all in all. Now to just pick up our messages and head on down to El Reno.
"Hey suga', how do you fancy a trip to Kentucky?" I say once we're alone,
I knew she'd be stoked about bein' the one to help Bella and I was able to confirm they would get along just grand.
"You take her them sexy boots and you'll be BFF's in no time!" I tell her laughin',
So before the night set in we had Bella possessions transferred to the truck we kept here and Char was headed east. I just told the Chief she was off to help his daughter and he was happy about that because he wasn't happy with Esme either.