The bath water, hot enough to send tendrils of steam curling up towards the tiled ceiling, wasn't enough to keep Daigo from shaking like a leaf in the wind. Seriously. He could face down murderous bandits and enemy shinobi without flinching, but this was too much for him?
Iwao wasn't a whole lot better. Though he didn't show it outwardly, I was very familiar with his cues by now, and he looked like an inmate who'd just received the death penalty.
I broke the silence with a loud sigh.
"You guys are so dramatic," I huffed. "Buck up! We're not in trouble. We're just having dinner. You're taking this too seriously."
"You're not taking this seriously enough!" Iwao snapped as he washed himself, his movements mechanic. "The fact that we're here for a team dinner doesn't change the fact that that's the Tsuchikage! And worse; his wife! She's known for her high standards, and for her heavy fist!"
"I think she's a delightful woman," I said, offhandedly as I scrubbed myself (the royal Kamizuru had quite the delightful array of scented soaps). Yeah, she was a bitch, but she was a funny bitch. That excused it in my book.
"You two are so flustered you're letting your emotions get in the way of your shinobi training. We're here for a nice, semi-intimate dinner. The Tsuchikage and his wife aren't here in their official capacities. If we treat them like they are, they might fall into those roles, and then any faux pas you make, if you do make one, will be judged accordingly. This is only a test if we make it a test."
"We can't all be you, Imai," he said with a scowl. "We can't all play with fire and laugh off the consequences. We have different career paths. Being a loose canon might suit yours, but not mine. Not Daigo's."
"I'm not playing with fire here. I'm being intuitive. Do you really think I was diffusing a tense situation a minute ago? It was a joke! The Great Lady was playing with you two! And you guys would have seen it if you weren't so caught up in your catastrophizing."
I shook my head.
"Remember my birthday a while ago?" I reminded Iwao. "I asked you why, if our guardians wanted to suck up to Biwa-sensei, we dressed informally. You told me that it was so they could make themselves come across more as his equals, rather than as subordinates. Right now, we have a wholly unique opportunity to do something similar. The Tsuchikage doesn't need any more yes-men. We can paint ourselves as something more. Valuable future members of his elites. People he can trust."
Though they could both see the truth in my words, Daigo still groaned, rubbing his face in his palms. By far, this was the most distressed I'd ever seen him.
"This is torture," he mumbled.
"That's good for you then, mister genjutsu specialist," I shot back. The distinguished amongst those who practiced his art were notorious for their self-destructive behavior. In order to cast a convincing illusion, you had to know exactly how sensations felt, no matter how unpleasant. They'd poison themselves, they'd drown, they'd have someone beat them within an inch of their lives, just to know what it felt like.
"Think of it as training," I drawled. "Embrace the feeling. Your anxiety might be useful one day."
"Imai, you're being a bitch," Iwao said bluntly, and I blinked.
"Ah, shit. You're right. I'm sorry." This wasn't nearly the first time he'd had to remind me of my promise to him. Daigo still wasn't used to it, if his pursed lips were any indication. "Maybe I don't understand. What's got you two in such a tizzy? Is it some rich person thing I don't understand?"
Iwao and Daigo shared a glance, and I got the impression that they'd forgotten that I didn't come from the same station as they did.
"You don't know anything about the Great Lady, do you?" Iwao asked.
I quirked an eyebrow, finding it interesting that they were more scared of the Tsuchikage's wife than the Tsuchikage himself.
"Her name is Kamizuru Hina, formerly Yamazaki Hina," I answered. "Born to a no-name merchant family, she was able to unite several lucrative competitors under one banner. She moved her business to the Land of Earth, and was such a compelling orator that she was able to convince the Daimyo to give her businesses preferential treatment. The Tsuchikage witnessed this unfold, and was so impressed by her shrewdness that he immediately fell in love with her. Thats's what they say, anyway."
It was a love story for the ages, here in Iwa. The Great Lady was the gold standard for trad women in this village. She was viewed with great admiration and jealousy.
"That's what they say in the books," Daigo muttered. "It's a lot nicer than what actually happened."
"She didn't unite the five noble families," Iwao explained. "She conquered them. Many patriarchs and their heirs were assassinated in the dead of night, some were put to death publically. The Daimyo wasn't convinced, he was coerced. He all but begged the Tsuchikage to do something about her. His solution was…unorthodox."
"It was a power play," Daigo mumbled, as if scared that they would be overheard, even though there was running water, and the room was too small and well lit for anyone to hide from them. "Until then, all kage were subservient to their daimyo. However, with her reputation and cunning the Tsuchikage has been stealing wealth and influence, quickly becoming the supreme authority in the region."
That was…so fucking funny.
"Damn, what a power couple," I said in true admiration. "That's badass."
"Of course. That would be your response," Iwao groaned.
"If that's supposed to convince me to act like I have a stick up my ass, you need to work on your debate skills," I said, which wasn't very eloquent but whatever. "If you two want to act like wet blankets, I won't stop you. I won't even drag you into my antics. But I'm going to follow my gut. It hasn't failed me yet."
- - - { ワナビー } - - -
I shouldn't have been surprised to find that, once my team and I rejoined the royal Kamizuru family, another person had joined us. A waiflike woman in her early twenties, who made up what she lacked in height with her personality.
"Awww, nii-san!" she cooed, dancing towards Daigo to pinch his cheeks. My teammate froze like a deer in the headlights, not even breathing as he was assaulted. "These aren't demon spawn! These are babies!"
This was Kamizuru Yuzuki, Biwa-sensei's little sister. She wasn't a kunoichi—I could tell that much from a glance. She also wasn't really in the public eye either, which was strange considering her parentage. I knew that she existed, both from gossip and from canon (this would be Kurotsuchi's mom), but I didn't know much about her.
Iwao was edging nervously away, but I guess the movement attracted her attention. She was on him next in a flash, and he was far too polite to even utter a word of protest. I shot Biwa-sensei an amused glance, noting that he already looked exhausted.
"Demon spawn?" I whispered to him. He ignored me. Looks like I'd be getting the silent treatment until he could take his revenge.
Her sights were set on me too, but I wasn't like my teammates. As she strode towards me, I stepped back. The look on her face was comical—she probably had never received such a reaction before.
If I thought I could set boundaries with the spoiled princess of Iwagakure, I had another thing coming. The surprise on her face was soon replaced with determination as she tried again, again and again. I danced out of her way each time, smoothly, precisely. She looked like a buffoon trying to get me, and I modeled myself like the picture-perfect representation of grace.
I couldn't use chakra; jutsu or even enhancement. That would be far too much of a faux pas—it might even land me in jail. I didn't dare do anything to leave a trace on their furniture or flooring either. It was in an exercise of restraint, and I was kinda having fun with it. Yuzuki was a huffing and puffing mess, while I still smelled like daisies from the bath.
Meanwhile, the Kamizuru matriarch and patriarch only watched in amusement, which aligned with the character profile I'd mentally created for them. Excellent. This was going to be a great dinner.
"Mou," Yuzuki pouted, panting lightly. Her face was flushed; this was probably the most exertion she'd had in a long time. "Why won't you let me love you?"
"Gomenasai, Kamizuru-sama," I said, regretfully. "When my mother was pregnant, my father stole magic beans from a witch to satisfy her cravings. In retaliation, the witch cursed me, yet unborn. Any woman of childbearing age to touch me would meet a painful end."
I shook my head, forlornly, forcing a tear from my eye. "My father didn't believe it. Not until a month after my birth, when my village was attacked by Konoha nin. Both my mother and the midwife who delivered me burned to death. I've felt immense guilt ever since I learned of it, and have never allowed myself to be touched by a woman since."
Yuzuki clasped a hand over her mouth, eyes wide and filled with unshed tears. "Oh my goodness! You poor dear, I'm so sorry. I had no idea—kami, I'm so insensitive."
Naturally, Biwa-sensei ruined my fun. He scoffed, and even though I was expecting him to intercede, he was too quick for me to escape, even without using chakra. He lashed out, ignoring my protests as he grabbed me by the back collar of the kimono I had been lent, lifting me like a kitten dragged by the scruff of its neck.
"She's lying," he said bluntly as I glared daggers at him. Wasn't it beneath a thirty-something-year-old man to take revenge on a pre-teen? "Have at her."
"But the curse—" Yuzuki began fearfully, and Biwa rolled his eyes.
"Kami, Yuzuki," he grumbled. "Use your head, for once. Curses don't exist."
"Curse seals," I pointed out, and was ignored.
"She was born in Fugatoro, right before the incident. Her mom was going to die anyway."
Ow. Harsh.
"Neither of her parents survived and she was only a month old," he continued. "Even if there was a curse, there would be no one alive to tell her about it."
"There could be a curse," I muttered petulantly, glaring daggers at my sensei. I guess this was war.
"You lied to me?" Yuzuki asked, aghast, but before things could devolve further, the Great Lady cleared her throat pointedly.
"Dinner," she reminded us, and my ever polite teammates rushed to comply. I was dragged along less willingly, Biwa-sensei still hoisting me by the collar. Definitely undid all my attempts at building a respectable image, but squirming and protesting sensei's treatment would just make me look even less mature, so I admitted defeat for the moment with the few scraps of dignity I had left.
Though my eyebrow twitch grew more defined as I was unceremoniously plopped down at the round, mahogany table next to Yuzuki, who still looked like a kicked puppy. I gave her a long-suffering sigh.
"Fine," I caved, and a great smile bloomed across her face as she began messing with my face and hair as servers approached with a first course. I guess my standards for an intimate dinner were different than those of a royal family's. I don't think the staff here were hired for this one occasion.
But damn, what a feast it was looking to be. Artful pieces of sashimi were placed before us, and I could tell that the fish was perfectly fresh. How they managed that, given Iwagakure's physical location on the map, I had no idea.
Meanwhile, the Tsuchikage's guard hadn't been dismissed. Several shinobi stood against the wall surrounding us, eyes fixed forward but alert. Kitsuchi among them, nearly right behind me as he kept vigil over Yuzuki. Aw, was he her personal guard? That was almost cute, if a little cliché.
"Nii-San is so lucky to have such adorable students," Yuzuki blabbered as I scrunched up my face but held back any protests.
A shinobi is one who endures. A shinobi is one who endures. A shinobi is one who endures.
"Don't you think so, Kitsuchi-san?" She asked her future boy toy.
"Positively," he deadpanned, which was indication enough of his true thoughts on the matter. He must have a great deal of familiarity with the family to be able to respond like that.
At the same time, I was offended. Did I want to be demeaned? No. But he could have been nicer about it. Kitsuchi earned himself a place on my shit list too.
Yuzuki didn't seem to recognize the sarcasm, shooting him a blinding smile which he studiously didn't meet head on. Innocuous enough, if I didn't know what I knew, but internally I amended the "future" part of future boy toy. They were already seeing each other. However, either Kitsuchi was trying not to rub it in everyone's faces, or it was supposed to be a secret.
Yeah, right. Fat chance he could actually hide it from the Tsuchikage himself. If our commander didn't approve, this dalliance would have been nipped in the bud.
Kitsuchi had to have realized that. He was probably hoping they'd keep a tactful silence on the subject until he and Yuzuki approached of their own volition.
"You realize all three of them could kill you, right Yuu-chan?" The great Lady commented offhandedly, and I was grateful to feel the hand freeze.
God, I love her.
"Even the tiny one?" Yuzuki asked, incredulously, obviously referring to me.
"Especially the tiny one, from what I hear," the Tsuchikage chimed in, humor in his eyes.
Yuzuki peered at me closely, trying to ascertain if he was being serious. I showed more teeth in my smile, and she pulled her hand away quickly.
A rather stilted silence broke out as we all used the first course to disguise the fact that we had no idea what to talk about. I had a vision of the next hour or so—the Tsuchikage, or more likely his wife, would attempt to make conversation with us, to get a measure of our personalities and backgrounds. Our answers would be awkward and formal, and they would soon (rightly) gather that there wasn't much to us other than our shinobi training.
In our defense, our short lives thus far didn't really give us much time to develop in any way outside of professionally. We got here by devoting all our effort into being the best shinobi we could be. We didn't have the opportunity to find hobbies or anything else. However, that natural progression of the conversation played against my immediate motives.
Like I told my teammates, I didn't want to talk about our shinobi lives. That would turn this dinner into an appraisal. We needed to maintain the spirit of this gathering, and it seemed as if I was the only person willing to put in a lick of effort in that respect.
"I noticed you have a lot of bonsai, both here and in your office, Tsuchikage-sama," I stated, drawing everyone's attention. "Do you maintain them yourself?"
The standard ice breaker; ask about a person's interests. Everyone appreciated that, and Kamizuru Ōnoki was no exception.
"I do," he said, his voice measured. There was the barest hint of warmth in his tone. "So long as I am not out of the village. In those cases, I have a caretaker."
I nodded thoughtfully. "I've heard that all trees can be made into bonsai, but people typically stick to the same, aesthetic variants. In your care, I've seen Rhododendron, Cherry Laurel, Silver Birch, Green Alder, Dwarf Juniper, Rock Jasmine, Saxifrage. All native to the Land of Earth. It's a nice touch."
He nodded in appreciation, a small smile on his face. "You are a very perceptive young lady. And your memory is impressive too."
"Plant Taxonomy was drilled into our heads at the academy," I said, waving him off. I wasn't being modest; it truly wasn't anything to be impressed about.
"Yet I'm certain that, in the case of most of your classmates, that education was not retained past graduation," he noted, which may also be fair.
"A good memory suits me, so I gave myself one."
Memory was tied to the hippocampus, and I spent a lot of time tampering with the chakra there. It wasn't intentional, at first, but as my education on the subject grew, that changed. My efforts yielded permanent boosts in ability, which was also reflected in my Kaimon and Kyūmon.
The Great Lady daintily dabbed her mouth with a napkin. "That's a strange phrasing."
I willfully misinterpreted her meaning.
"I apologize," I said, dipping my head. "Others frequently point out that I word things strangely."
This wasn't supposed to be about me.
"I've never had much of a green thumb," I said, which was true in my last life. I hadn't tried at all in this one. "What is it that you enjoy about the art, Tsuchikage-sama? If you don't mind me asking."
He considered the question. "No one's ever asked me that, before."
Really? "No one?"
He flashed me a wry smile. "Not many are invited to my private residence, and most people I meet with in my office are more focussed on my words, rather than my decor."
Ah, what a dick. He was testing me, to see if I could stay balanced on the tightrope. Would I fall to the right and apologize profusely, breaking my back to convince him I wasn't actually impertinent and prove that my persona was a facade? Or would I fall to the left, lean into the joke too far and make it seem like I actually was, in fact, that impertinent?
"I thought a shinobi was supposed to be aware of their environment at all times?" I mused. "I can't speak for everyone else, but I have the ability to focus my attention where it should be, while being mindful of my surroundings."
Good enough, and from the way the Tsuchikage inclined his head, he seemed to agree.
"I suppose it stems from my position of leadership," he said, addressing my question. "In Iwagakure, my word is absolute. However, as strictly as I attempt to enforce it, my subordinates' methodology in enacting my edicts is beyond me, and often a source of great frustration. Misinterpretation, overzealousness, laziness; there's little I can do to temper such traits when my focus is constantly pulled elsewhere. With bonsai, I can manage all factors. The work is meticulous and many would call it boring. But I take great satisfaction in each action I take."
It was a pretty way of saying he had control issues.
"I know someone who faces the same struggles, though not quite to that extent," I said with disguised pointedness. "Perhaps he could also benefit from the practice."
Next to Biwa-sensei, I saw Daigo steel himself out of the corner of my eye. Like I promised, I wasn't going to drag him into my antics. It was an invitation, nothing more. But if he didn't take it right now, I wouldn't be giving him another.
"My family has a miniature Black Poplar in our backyard," he spoke up for the first time, and I was proud to hear that his voice was steady. "It's not intentionally a bonsai, but it could be made into one with care." He met his superior's gaze head on. "Do you have any advice, Tsuchikage-sama?"
And just like that, a true conversation broke out. Emboldened by Daigo's wholly uncharacteristic participation, Iwao began to join in conversation, and soon the only person in silent disgruntlement was Biwa-sensei.
It was nice until Yuzuki decided once more that her family must have been mistaken, and that I was, in fact, perfectly harmless.
"Isn't she so adorable," she said to Kitsuchi for the millionth time, messing with my hair as I tried to hold a dignified conversation with two of the most important people in Iwagakure. "Oh, what I wouldn't give for a daughter of my own."
I didn't get the sense that Kitsuchi was ready for a kid. Especially since her parents "didn't know" that they were together.
"Perhaps your nii-san could lend you her," he proposed as if I was a pair of cute shoes and not a sentient person. Yuzuki's eyes lit up at the thought, and with how much I pissed off Biwa-sensei today, I was sure that he'd actually agree.
Okay. Enough was enough.
"If you want kids so badly, why don't you have one yourself?" I asked innocently. "Or does Kitsuchi-san not want any?"
Immediately, all conversation came to a screeching halt.
"What?" Yuzuki yelped, her face bright red. "No, no! Kitsuchi-san, we aren't—he's just my guard!"
Even for a non-shinobi, she was a terrible liar. I didn't even know her well enough to be familiar with her tells and I could still pick them out: rapid eye movement, picking at the table cloth, a stammer and a defensive posture. Across the table, her parents stared at the love birds, and the Great Lady even placed a scandalized hand over her mouth.
Meanwhile, Kitsuchi had frozen, body tense and staring straight ahead. Because he couldn't lie. Not to the Tsuchikage. He was already fucking up big time just by keeping it hidden at all. All he could do is keep quiet, and hope everyone just laughed it off.
"Ah, my apologies," I said, mercilessly. "I merely thought as much from the looks you two shared, and how Kitsuchi-san briefly rested his hand on your back as he withdrew the chair for you. My mistake."
"I believe your imagination is at work, Imai-san," he was quick to say. "If you remember, I quickly stepped away after pulling out the chair."
"Oh, yes, how silly of me," I mused, and he realized he fell for the trap. After that entire thing about my memory, too! He broke his silence, so now he'd have to respond to this. "Those looks, though."
Yuzuki grew even redder; it looked like some invisible person was strangling her to death in front of us. I think Kitsuchi stopped breathing entirely.
"Well, Kitsuchi-san?" the Tsuchikage said, levelly. "Imai-san is misunderstanding the situation, surely. After all, neither of you have approached me on the subject of courting. Isn't that right?"
Kitsuchi opened his mouth, but no sound came out.
"Ara ara." Oh my fucking god, the Great Lady even hit us with the ara ara. "Yuzuki, with your guard? For heaven's sake. Kitsuchi-san, did she coerce you?"
"I doubt Kitsuchi-san could be coerced in such a manner," the Tsuchikage stated, eyes flinty. Biwa-sensei stared unblinkingly at Kitsuchi, murder in his eyes. It seems that, despite how annoyed he acted towards her, he still had that big brother instinct somewhere inside.
The air seemed supercharged for a long minute. Daigo and Iwao glared daggers at me for introducing such drama, once again misunderstanding the situation. I fixed a pleasant smile on my face, which was totally out of place given the situation.
"Tsuchikage-sama," Kitsuchi finally said, his voice thick. "I deeply apologize for breaking your trust. I fully intended to approach you very soon, the timing…but that is no excuse. Yes, Yuzuki-san and I have become…romantic, recently. It was impossible not to fall for her, after spending so much time in her presence. She is a very special person, and despite my attempts to maintain a professional distance…you know, I'm sure, how persistent she can be."
I'm not sure if that last bit ruined the cuteness of his speech or not. I certainly didn't find her "persistence" attractive.
"Is that supposed to impress us, Kitsuchi-san?" the Great Lady chimed in, and though he didn't flinch, I could tell he wanted to. "Many men are infatuated with Yuzuki, and you're hardly the first that she's expressed interest either. Her passion burns fierce and quickly. Do you really wish to face such great challenges for such a person?"
What a thing to say about your daughter, to her face no less. A pit of worry began to burrow in my stomach. Was I wrong? Did I genuinely out Yuzuki and Kitsuchi to the Tsuchikage and the Great Lady? I swear to god, if I just prevented the birth of the Yondaime Tsuchikage, I was going to scream.
Yuzuki opened her mouth to protest, but in a shocking (an improper) statement, Kitsuchi stepped forward, placed a hand on her shoulder to silence her.
"I am mindful of the future," he stated. "I know I will face many trials, if I were to become your daughter's betrothed. But I have wasted too much of my life agonizing over what is to come. I will base my actions on the present, and what I know now is that I cherish Yuzuki-san more than any other. I would regret it eternally if I didn't pursue her for fear of what may come to pass. And though I do not trust easily, my faith in her is absolute. Her feelings for me are genuine and lifelong, so no, Great Lady. Your words do not sway me."
He bowed deeply, eyes to the floor. "Please trust that I will continue to protect the well-being and happiness of your only daughter. I will gladly do whatever you require to prove my intentions and capability."
Another heavy silence bloomed, and, judging that no one was paying me any mind, I snuck a piece of dessert, a small fruit tart. Not quite popcorn, but it would do.
"Kitsuchi, I may have to reconsider referring to you as one of my elite," the Tsuchikage finally said, and Kitsuchi, not having risen a millimeter, flinched. "If a new genin was able to pick up on your deception within an hour of meeting you two."
Oh thank fuck. I mean, duh, but still. They had even me going there for a second. The Great Lady, though she wasn't a ninja, was a shockingly impressive liar.
It took Yuzuki more time for that to sink in.
"Wait, what?" she yelped. "You knew?"
"Of course I knew," he scoffed. "I'm the Tsuchikage."
"And I'm your mother," the Great Lady added, as if it surmounted even that.
Biwa-sensei very clearly did not know, and was all the more sour for it.
"Of course," Kitsuchi said. "I was under no illusion that you were not already aware, Tsuchikage-sama. That's why I viewed this as a formality, and wished to make this announcement perfect."
He didn't glare or even glance in my direction at all. That didn't mean the statement wasn't targeted.
"I can think of no more perfect situation than this," the Great Lady said, a smirk on her face. "The whole family is assembled, for once, and over a delicious dinner. I do believe, in fact, you owe Imai-san your gratitude. Well?"
Needless to say, she only said that to be inflammatory. Both of them—Kitsuchi especially—hated my guts now, and it brought the Great Lady amusement to make them thank me for fucking them over so hard. God, I loved these people.
"Thank you Imai-san," Kitsuchi said dutifully, face a mask as he bowed more slightly to me. Yuzuki did the same, though she didn't bow and her lips were pursed.
"Oh, you're very welcome," I said magnanimously. "These things are better out in the open, ne?"
I flashed them an infuriating smirk, and Biwa-sensei a couple seats down sighed and face-palmed.
"Regarding the conversation that led to this," the Tsuchikage added, face neutral. "I will be reassigning you, Kitsuchi-san. It wouldn't do for my first grandchildren to be born bastards. Such a scandal sounds like a headache."
As Yuzuki once again turned tomato red, flustered to the point of panic as she tried to assure her parents that that wasn't a concern, I noticed the Great Lady summon one of the wait staff, and order them to bring another chair and table setting.
"All things considered, I believe it's only right for you to join us for the end of dessert, Kitsuchi-san," she said, grabbing the attention of the jonin who was attempting to melt back into the shadow of the wall behind him.
He visibly balked, as uncomfortable by the proposition as she wanted him to be. The table, though elegant, wasn't big; this was probably the largest function it had seen. There was room for one more chair, but it would eliminate the buffer between the Tsuchikage/Great Lady and everyone else.
"Imai-san, scoot down some, if you would," she said, and my heart skipped a beat. "So that the couple may sit together."
I thought she was going to make him sit next to her husband for the lulz. Why this? Why me? The two of us would be right next to each other!
It was probably innocuous. There probably wasn't any significance, or perhaps it was an abstract joke at my expense. But what it felt like…was recognition. Approval, or some kind of reward for my skill at their mind games.
"Of course," I said, because there was really only one answer
"You best do so as well, Yuzuki," she added. "The orientation of the table legs may not be accommodating to someone of Kitsuchi-san's height."
Oh, yeah. I was totally reading into it. She wanted him next to Biwa-sensei. That would be even funnier. But for whatever the reason, I spent the next half hour or so directly next to the most powerful woman in Iwagakure, enjoying my time immensely.
It was only at the very end, as the meal began to conclude, that the Tsuchikage did something I didn't expect.
"As much as I'd like to keep this strictly a social visit, there is one small spot of business that needs to be taken care of," he announced. "Regarding your last mission. Imai-san, I require a moment of your time. Biwa, you too."
Warily, I slowly rose from my chair and followed him out of the dining room, avoiding my teammates' worried frowns. I think they thought I was going to be reprimanded, which was fair because I kinda feared the same thing. I wasn't ashamed to draw against Minato fucking Namikaze at all, privately, but it did represent my most crushing defeat to date. Despite how intense the fight was, I'm sure people would be pissed I drew with a Konoha nin my age and rank. Especially the Tsuchikage.
We stopped in front of a positively gargantuan stone door, strangely unadorned but polished.
"Very few people will ever set foot in my private study," he told me. "It houses many items that are precious to me and the village as a whole. This is one of its final defenses, simple as it is. There is no physical key or lock to tamper with, and the stone is very, very heavy."
I could tell that from the way the floorboards seemed to buckle under its weight.
"In the past, I would open it by casting the Doton: Keijūgan no Jutsu (Earth Release: Lightened Boulder Technique). Now, I don't have to go through that trouble."
To my surprise, he placed a hand on the door, and ink, colored to appear almost invisible on its surface, shimmered briefly. Then, with a simple push, the door swung open with ease.
A seal version of the Keijūgan. And I was sure it wasn't a tier one either, which meant that this wasn't something made by Atsuchi with a Neutralization Matrix slapped on. This was of the Tsuchikage's own creation.
"You know fūinjutsu, Tsuchikage-sama?" I asked, surprised.
"No. But I know my own chakra better than anyone I've ever met, besides my mentor. And perhaps you, from what I hear. When you and Machi-san shared your discovery, it didn't take me too long to apply it for myself. In some, select aspects."
Oh, wow. Pretty crazy that I made such an impact on a named character before even meeting him.. It also wasn't lost on me that Ōnoki apparently had near unrivaled internal chakra control, a facet that was often neglected or ignored altogether.
I followed him into his sanctum, Biwa-sensei trailing behind a few paces. I was expecting something similar to his office, elsewhere in this very building, but it was surprisingly minimalistic. The walls were unadorned—no paintings, tapestries or anything else. There were few scroll shelves, though those present likely contained vital knowledge I could scarcely comprehend the value of. There were no bonsai, either.
What it did have were plinths; twelve of them. I recognized what was upon many; the Eight Treasures, offerings from the eight founding clans of Iwagakure. I'd learned all about each of them in the academy, so seeing them in person was surreal. The others I'd never heard of, but one caught my…well, eye wasn't the right work. It prickled my senses, captured my attention despite its ordinary appearance. I instinctively took a step towards it before remembering myself.
The Tsuchikage noticed, however, and there was a small glimmer in his eyes.
"Go on," he allowed, jerking his head in its direction, and I nodded sheepishly as I went to take a closer look.
The artifact had no jewels, nothing of value adorning it. It almost looked like the tip of an animal's tusk or the end of a rib; it was certainly a bleached bone of some kind. However, it felt…otherworldly.
"I was not aware that you were a sensor, Imai-san," the Tsuchikage spoke up.
"I'm not," I said slowly, confused. "I don't think I'm sensing chakra from it. It feels like…to be honest, I have no idea. I've never seen anything like this." But sensors could feel it their way too?
I tore my eyes from the thing to look at him. "Am I allowed to know what this is?"
He considered the question.
"This horn belonged to my Shishō, Lord Mu," he finally revealed, and my eyes widened. "I do not know where he got it, but it was one of his prized possessions."
The Nidaime Tsuchikage. A figure that I had only grown more fascinated with the more time I spent in this village. He was incredibly secretive; even his own people knew very little about him. I desperately wanted to ask Ōnoki for details, but that would be too much.
"As interesting as this is, I really did have something to ask you," the diminutive leader said, weaving through the plinths to sit at his desk. I reluctantly left the horn to follow him.
"I called you here because there is one small matter I would like to seek your counsel on, Imai-san. Though I can't promise I will follow it."
I raised an eyebrow, because that wasn't at all what I expected. What could I possibly council the Tsuchikage on?
At my quick assent, he continued.
"We've uncovered the identity of your opponent. The one who gave you such great trouble on your last mission. His name is Namikaze Minato."
Ah. That. Though I was glad I didn't have to pretend not to know his name anymore, some of my unease returned as the topic was brought up.
"Is that so?" I asked.
"Well, it would be more accurate to say Kumo uncovered his identity," he amended. "They placed a sizable bounty on him, considering his rank. I wonder what he did to offend A so badly."
Well, I had a guess. I hummed consideringly.
"How much?" I wondered.
"Eighty-seven thousand."
Oh, fuck. Sizable is right.
"I wanted your opinion on the matter. Should we do the same?"
It kinda seemed like common sense to me, so I wondered what his ulterior motive was for asking at all.
"I'm reasonably confident he will grow to become a leading figure in Konoha," I stated. "If you wish to nip him in the bud, assigning him a bounty might be prudent."
"Yes, I'm leaning towards that myself," he agreed. "My question is, how much?"
"Tsuchikage-sama," Biwa-sensei protested, and I quirked an eyebrow at him.
"I don't really have any background in the matter," I confessed. "I don't know what factors play a role in its calculation. And though I've memorized the bounties of many relevant players worldwide, I don't believe I have a reference for someone so young."
"You don't?" The Tsuchikage asked in faux incredulity, as Biwa-sensei chopped his neck pleadingly. "Biwa didn't tell you?"
"You know I didn't," he ground out, and I imagined him tagging on you annoying old geezer at the end of it.
"Tell me what?" I asked, torn between amusement and wariness.
"That Konoha already levied a bounty against you, Imai Kasaiki," he announced, taking me completely off guard.
"I have a bounty?" I repeated, turning furiously towards Biwa-sensei. "Why didn't I know that I have a bounty? That's kinda important!"
"Hardly," he grumbled. "You have a jonin sensei. A Jonin sensei who's me. Bounty hunters wouldn't dare. All it would do is distract you, and inflate your ego."
"Why the hel—gomenasai. Why do you think it would inflate my ego? Kami, it's like you don't have a read on my personality at all!"
I pinched the bridge of my nose. "What is it? What's the bounty?"
"One hundred thousand," the Tsuchikage announced in amusement, and I hissed a breath. For context, I could buy a niceish house in Iwagakure for that amount of money, and though the war brought down prices, living in a hidden village still wasn't especially cheap.
"That much? Either Konoha thinks I have knowledge that I don't, or the knowledge I've displayed is far more valuable than I realize. Ugh."
Was it Fūinjutsu? I supposed they would know better than anyone else what it was capable of. Still, that reasoning felt off.
"Most people would be excited to be recognized for their skill to such a degree," he mused.
"Most people are idiots," I said, absentmindedly. "Minato was a sensor. A damn good one. Maybe he sensed something in my body?"
"Referring to your self-modifications, I take it," the Tsuchikage said. "Yes, I know about those."
"I never thought that you didn't," I shot back. "I'm not foolish enough to think I could hide anything from the Tsuchikage himself."
He snorted lightly, which made me crack a slight grin as well.
"Would it be possible for me to meet with a skilled sensor?" I asked. "Konoha seems to be concerned about me, and I would like to know why."
"Why do you think a bounty should be placed on Namikaze Minato?" He returned.
Because he'll be the fourth and debatably strongest Hokage. Because he'll nearly single-handedly win the war for Konoha. Because he'll absolutely massacre my allies, which would, statistically likely, include some people I care a lot about personally.
"Because one day he'll be very dangerous," I said with certainty.
"Then consider that, perhaps, Konoha simply feels the same about you," he said, and I could have clucked my teeth in annoyance because I was sure there was more to it.
He must have seen some level of discontent in my eyes.
"If it would set you at ease, I'm sure I could arrange a meeting between you and one of my high index sensors," he said magnanimously, and that was the exact moment reality sunk in.
Somehow, I entered this world as a nobody, and landed myself in a position to ask the Tsuchikage for a favor. Which he agreed to. Holy shit. Am I a big deal?
"Arigato Gozaimasu," I said thickly, though I disguised the epiphany in my voice.
He nodded in lieu of a you're welcome.
"Regarding my initial question," he prodded. "What would you value Namikaze Minato's head at? I was considering setting the same bounty on him as Konoha did on you. Then I thought it would be funnier to make it one Ryo less. Thoughts?"
I swallowed heavily.
"I don't think that joke would land with them," I mused, before I grinned, proposing, "One hundred and eight thousand, three hundred and fifty-six Ryo."
"That's highly specific," the Tsuchikage observed. "I assume it has some significance."
I explained to him my thought process, and he snorted.
"No one's going to put that together," Biwa-sensei stated.
"He will," I shot back with utmost certainty.
Sensei shot his father a beseeching look, as if imploring him to treat this with the gravity it warranted.
"This makes me nostalgic," the Tsuchikage declared, a glint in his eye. "I often wished Lord Mu would humor me in my actions against that idiot Hiruzen off the battlefield. He'd call me childish, and proceed to do the same damn thing with Hōzuki Gengetsu."
He shook his head. "That number is higher than I was considering. I'm not sure if I like the message that would send. I'll think about it."
Then, another slightly sinister grin crept across his face. "You know, Konoha wasn't the only nation to place a bounty on you."
Biwa-sensei hissed again like an annoyed cat, and I shot him another glare.
"Who? Suna?" I guessed. They were the only other nation I'd pissed off.
"No. Ame."
The revelation shot a thrill of something down my spine. Ame? Hanzo put a bounty on me? And here I thought I made a good impression.
It didn't make sense. What purpose would that serve? Ame was permanently neutral. I hadn't wronged them personally and I was still affiliated with a great power, so they shouldn't have any interest in getting me while I was vulnerable.
"For how much?" I asked, perplexed.
"Ten Ryo," was Ōnoki's reply, which only served to make me even more confused. A bounty hunter wouldn't even bother killing a civilian for that amount, much less a ninja.
Obviously there was something I was missing.
"What's the significance to that?" I asked, when an answer didn't appear to be forthcoming. The Tsuchikage was enjoying this.
"Well, Hanzo has always had a sense of theatrics, as you yourself have now witnessed," he answered. "He's done this before, during the second Shinobi war. After clashing with a trio of Konoha ninja."
"The sanin," I stated, still not understanding.
"If anyone but Hanzo bestowed such a pretentious title, it would have never stuck," he continued. "And no one else was able to survive the peripheries of the battle to act as witnesses. No, the name was bestowed and spread weeks later, with the next issue of the bingo book."
The pieces snapped together, and my mouth fell open in shock. Ōnoki seemed to take great satisfaction in that reaction, and there was a great sigh from Biwa when he took out a thick bible, which I recognized to be the international Bingo Book. Obviously, he had been planning to do this from the get go.
"Page six," he announced, sliding it to me over his desk. I opened the book with trembling fingers to the front, where all new arrivals were initially placed for convenience. I would be moved much farther back a couple issues from now (they were published every other week).
—
屈強の火災木
Kukkyō no Kasaiki
Rank: Genin
Threat Level: C
Status: Iwagakure no Sato Kunoichi
100,000 Ryo Reward — Konohagakure no Sato - Dead
10 Ryo Reward — Amegakure no Sato - Dead or Alive
Ninjutsu: 3⁴₄
Taijutsu: 4³₄
Genjutsu: 0⁵
Intelligence: 5⁵
Strength: 3⁵
Speed: 3⁴
Stamina: 4⁵₀
Hand Seals: 4⁴
Notable Skills: Battle Fūinjutsu, Unknown Genjutsu Prevention Technique
Personality: Cruel, Violent, Prideful
Elemental Affinity: Earth
BEWARE: a student of Tsuchibokori no Biwa, and often found in his company. Has a proclivity for utilizing widespread and difficult to counter explosives.
—
"Kukkyō no Kasaiki," I murmured, not sure how I felt about that. It rolled off the tongue, at least.
"Strong-willed. Robust. A very complementary name for an Iwa Kunoichi," Ōnoki said, and I was super glad he thought so. "And from Hanzo, no less. Though a decisive victory would have certainly been preferred, I cannot be disappointed with this outcome in the least."
"It could also be read as obstinate," Biwa-sensei grumbled from behind us, but we both ignored him. I was too busy examining the rest of the entry.
Bingo Book entries weren't super intuitive. With so many entries, they had to condense a lot of information into a very small space. The first thing to look for was the threat level. I was C (wow, not even D; they really wanted me in the ground), so all the stats below were relative to other people with that threat level. For example, my taijutsu was rated (subjectively) as a four out of five relative to other C-Ranks.
Those numbers were also more specific then they appeared. In the Ninjutsu category, the main number rated the amount of jutsu I displayed. The superscript in that category rated my proficiency with specifically Doton jutsu (as that was my recorded affinity), and the subscript assessed my skill in using each of them, which included my ability to apply them outside of their baseline function. The Taijutsu value rated my overall technique, while the superscript rated my offensive capability and subscript rated my defensive capability. Genjutsu ranked my skill with the art, and the superscript ranked my ability to dispel them.
Intelligence was also, of course, incredibly subjective. The main number represented battle intelligence, while the superscript gauged perceptiveness. In other words, how likely the issuer believed a surprise attack would work on them. Strength and Speed were more self-explanatory, with the superscript for each representing ability while using chakra enhancement.
Stamina measured pure physical endurance, while the superscript ranked chakra capacity and the subscript ranked chakra control (external—that was all anyone cared about). Finally, the main number for Hand Seals measured a ninja's speed in weaving signs, while the superscript gauged the ninja's adaptability.
I think having a five at all, much less five fives, was pretty sick nasty of me. But I'm not going to lie and say the two zeroes didn't hurt my pride.
"Cruel, violent and prideful," I mused, not loving that the whole world would assume me to be those things.
"Konoha says that about every Iwa shinobi they place a bounty on," the Tsuchikage says, dismissively. "No one outside the Land of Fire takes it seriously anymore. Pay it no mind."
This entry was highly incentivizing for bounty hunters. One hundred thousand Ryo put me well within the upper quartile for C-rank bounties, and though my stats were high, I was still a Genin. Biwa-sensei's mention would certainly give them pause, but I would still need to be extremely cautious.
The Tsuchikage leaned forward over his desk, steepling his fingers and resting his elbows on the wood.
"In light of this unprecedented accomplishment, I've decided to do something I normally wouldn't consider. You asked Biwa for access to the B-Rank library. I hereby grant it."
I could have gasped, but I refrained. Still, I couldn't hold back the delighted smile as I bowed deeply.
"I am honored, Tsuchikage-sama," I said. "I won't disappoint you."
"You best not. But don't misunderstand me—I'm not giving you free reign," he stated. "There are stipulations. You cannot buy at your discretion. Once you choose a jutsu, you will be required to write a report on why exactly you want to learn it specifically. I will then personally judge whether or not you may requisition it. Convince me, and I will grant you the privilege."
That was no drawback to me, so I nodded eagerly. Like I told Biwa-sensei, I was only interested in learning ninjutsu that would teach me more about chakra and Fūinjutsu. I had faith in my ability to explain each of my picks thoroughly. If the Tsuchikage denied me even then, I would trust he had a good reason.
"Additionally, know that you are still beholden to the Merit system. You will still be required to redeem each jutsu as normal. I will give you ten B-rank Merits as a reward now, but that will be a one time thing. Any additional Merits you will have to earn, and your team will not be taking B-rank missions. If you want more, you will have to procure them yourself by submitting developments to R&D."
That was certainly a catch, but not one that I was unsatisfied with. I wasn't lying when I told Biwa-sensei that I liked the Merit system. And this way, I could feel like I was paying the village back instead of accepting charity.
Besides, ten Merits was a lot. That would be more than enough to get me started.
"As for your other requests. The variance has already been cleared. You may now purchase four gallons of ink for personal use monthly."
Yes! I got Title Two!
"I have also spoken with Date-san. He may reach out to you at his discretion. He may wish to include you in some of his projects, or even offload some of them to you. Which, of course, you will receive Merits for. His workload is never ending, so there is certainly no shortage. But that is for him to decide."
He stood up, and was still only a foot or so taller than I was.
"Iwagakure does not give handouts. These privileges you have all earned. Keep progressing, and more will come. I, for one, am eager to see what you make of yourself."
- - - { ワナビー } - - -
AN: Whew! God, I'm sorry, y'all. I wanted this out a long time ago. I was working on it just about every day, seriously, but I could only get the chance to do a couple hundred words at a time until three days ago. Most of this chapter was written in that span of time. It's twice the length of a normal chapter, though, so I hope that makes up for it.
Updates will continue to be sporadic, unfortunately. I'll do my best. But if you can't wait any longer for more of my (free) writing, I have some exciting news for you!
I have decided to finally begin posting the Spider-Verse fic that I started ages ago! If you haven't seen the two Spider-Verse movies currently out…what the hell is wrong with you? They're insanely good, seriously. You don't have to care about superheroes to enjoy them immensely. The animation, the writing, the story, the soundtrack, the voice acting—they are perfect movies. Watch them immediately (and then read my story lmao).
One thing though. I'm only posting it on Archive of Our Own, not . I have many reasons for this, most of which I'll keep to myself. What I will say is that I believe the format of the site itself will better lend to my ability to tell this story. For example, I'll be able to embed pictures into the text, which I can't do on FF, and I can do split author's notes (at the top and bottom of the page). Plus, the fandom's dead on FF, so it wouldn't attract foot traffic anyway.
I'm sorry for any inconvenience this causes my FF users, but it's not much of a road block. It will still be free to consume. The story is called Across the Totem-Verse, and my username there is Poncho_o. Like this story, it follows an OC, but not a transmigrator from our world. There will be heavy canon divergence, and, unlike in this story, romance will be a focus. It's already finished (much faster paced than this one haha) so I can guarantee consistent updates. I'm very proud of it, so I hope you enjoy!
I don't have a Ptrn. If you've gotten just five bucks of enjoyment out of this story, please consider buying my original work on amazon (information in my bio). Between the two sites this fic is posted on, I have over 2600 readers. If even half of you choose to support me in this fashion, I would have considerable bargaining power when it comes to getting future books published. More publishing deals means I can quit my day job, which translates into more time for fanfiction. It's a one time thing, and you even get more of my writing out of it.
Thank you so much!