It was certain, with this specific Akuma, it was going to be a particularly shitty day.
She had woken up on the right side of the bed, with the sun streaming high through the window, casting barely any shadow that morning. Class had already ended for the summer, and there was no school, no homework, and no errands. It was almost too good to be true. And it was, indeed, the calm before the storm.
Her phone started flaring up with notifications as soon as she was barely done with her brunch, and so, after a cursory glance at her surroundings, she transformed and flipped out the window with her yoyo.
A blond figure clad in a black catsuit waited for her on a nearby rooftop. "Bonjour, M'lady."
"Chat Noir," the superhero in red greeted her partner.
At that moment, she heard the gurgling sound of water start to amplify, and soon, it wasn't just a gurgling sound, it was rushing rapids.
"Ladybug and Chat Noir, I am Garde D'eau, hand me your Miraculous!" the Akuma announced her presence.
"Here we go again," both heroes sighed in exasperation.
Ten Minutes Ago
A shower was supposed to be a comforting thing, the perfect way to wash away your worries, and prepare for something else. Stéphanie was in the middle of such a ritual, warm water, scented soaps, bubbles, all of it, when suddenly, what was a strong jet of water started to weaken. Surprised, Stéphanie rinsed off as much of it as she could before the water trickled to a stop.
She pulled open the shower curtain and tested the sink, only to find the same phenomenon happening.
"Merde," she swore.
Wrapping her hair in a towel and slipping on a bathrobe, she headed out of her apartment and downstairs to where her landlady lived. Frantically, she pressed the doorbell multiple times.
An irritated, middle-aged woman opened the door, the sound of a television playing a soap opera in the background, "What happened this time."
"There's no water in my apartment, Mme Lorraine," Stéphanie explained.
Mme Lorraine beckoned her inside as she tested out her own tap, only to find no water running as well. "I swear, nothing but trouble, we're lucky the building hasn't burnt down yet. I'll call a plumber."
"Thank you," Stéphanie muttered out, and as soon as she exited Mme Lorraine's place, stormed back upstairs. Now what do I do, I still haven't washed my hair yet,she thought.
As she inserted her key into the keyhole, a dark butterfly appeared out of nowhere, in that instant, her eyes focused and a purple glow emitted over her face, "Garde D'eau, I am Hawkmoth. Indoor plumbing is a marvel, and to have it taken away from you is such an inconvenience, especially when you're in a hurry for such an important date. I propose a favour, in exchange for the opportunity to restart the water, I want you to help me procure Ladybug and Chat Noir's Miraculous. Deal?"
Garde D'eau smirked in confirmation as the magic transformed her.
The ground underneath their feet grumbled, and water slowly started to seep from the rims of sewer covers.
"Who peed in her litter box," Chat Noir quipped as the two of them ran above the rooftops, chasing the Akuma, avoiding traffic by swinging across the streets on their respective weapons..
In the distance the heroes heard the familiar voice of Nadia Chamack on the breaking news announce that this Akuma controlled the flow of water.
Following general geographical knowledge, all water, whether via surface runoff or the sewers would eventually progress to a lower altitude. So there they went, downhill away from Montmartre towards the Seine.
The heroes found the Akuma heading towards the banks of the Rive Droite, near the Tuileries. They perched on the roof of the Palais du Louvre as a stakeout point.
Garde D'eau was a stark pale woman dressed in a Roman toga, her head adorned by a plumed helmet, her feet clad in sandals and in one of her hands, something shiny and silvery. She raised that hand, revealing what resembled a wrench, a plumber's wrench.
Another pipe burst and the Akuma surfed towards them on the jet of water. "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty. Time for your bath now."
"This kitty happens to like being clean," Chat Noir replied as he pole-vaulted closer.
Ladybug wrapped her yoyo around the wrench like a lasso, she was sure that it was where the Akuma was. But Garde D'eau had a vice-like iron grip, which only tightened once it started to be tugged.
There was no use in the direct method, so as Garde D'eau made her beeline for the Seine. Chat Noir cataclysmed the door open and the heroes hitched a ride on a nearby bus. "I'm sorry, I don't have my Navigo with me," Ladybug blurted as the passengers scrambled off the vehicle.
Ladybug slid into the driver's seat, and looking at the three pedals underneath it, asked Chat, "Which one's the accelerator?"
"You don't know how to drive and you decide to steal a bus?"
"It's Paris, I don't need a car."
"Let me," Chat Noir took over instead, stepping on the clutch, and after fiddling with the gear stick, turned on the ignition and stepped on the accelerator.
"You have a licence?" Ladybug was surprised.
"No, but I did a lot of shadowing growing up," as if that explained everything, but it sufficed for now.
Chat Noir surprisingly expertly drove through the deserted Rue de Rivoli and manoeuvred the vehicle past the park until the Seine was in full view.
It was a beautiful view, with the sun shining high in the azure sky, the stereotypical Parisian postcard photograph.
But suddenly, as they passed the Place de la Concorde, more water spewed out of the manholes underneath their feet, and as the heroes laid eyes on the Akuma, a jet of water hit the bus and shoved it into the river.
The hunk of metal sank into the grey, murky waters, and the two of them scrambled to find an emergency exit. But with grey, murky water flooding into the vehicle from the open door, they couldn't manage to get the other exits. There was only one other way.
"Lucky Charm!"
And this time, it was rather straightforward, a red and black spotted hammer appeared and Ladybug used it to shatter the windows. River water came rushing in like a tidal wave, and the bus sunk further into the river. Brushing away the glass shards, the heroes swam towards the surface.
It seemed that in anticipation of an easy job plucking jewellery from drowned corpses, the Akuma had her back turned to the crash site. Silently, using Chat Noir's baton, the two propelled themselves out of the water and onto the Pont Alexandre III. The yoyo string extended and soon, the Akuma found herself tied up.
Ladybug walked over and plucked the plumber's wrench out of her grasp and bent it, a dark butterfly fluttered out from inside, "Je te libère du mal!" she purified it using her yoyo, "bye-bye petit papillon."
She threw the hammer up into the sky, shouted "Miraculous Ladybug!", and a swarm of fluttering ladybugs began fixing the city to look like the rightful City of Lights again.
Chat Noir smiled at his partner and raised a hand, "Bien joué!", they bumped fists.
A faint beep signalled that they were running on limited time, and they spared a glance at the woman glancing confusedly at her surroundings, wondering why she was suddenly kilometres away from home on top of the Pont Alexandre III.
The next morning, Marinette Dupain-Cheng woke up sweaty and sticky, a brief glance at her phone showed that it was almost noon, and yet, while the weather was warm outside and inside the bedroom, there was a light breeze that was supposedly comforting. But it felt like a chill to her.
"Marinette, you're burning up!" Tikki's squeaky voice remarked as soon as she noticed her holder was awake.
"Tikki, I don't feel so well," she said matter-of-factly. But her attempt at paraphrasing another arthropod-themed superhero went over everyone's head, when suddenly, this wave of nausea swept through her, and she sprung off her bed, off the loft and into the bathroom faster than a speeding bullet.
She emptied her stomach and whatever she ate for dinner last night into the porcelain bowl.
"There, there, Marinette," Tikki comforted her as she held up her hair.
In the background, the news on the television in the living room played.
"As of yesterday, one month before the opening of the Paris Olympics, the River Seine is still failing water quality tests. The Seine is where the open-water swimming and swimming legs of the triathlon are set to be hosted. The latest test, completed last week, shows highly elevated levels of E. coli bacteria - an indicator of faecal matter - far above the upper limits set by sports federations."
"Merde," she swore as she realised she definitely swallowed a few mouthfuls of that awfully foul-tasting untreated Seine water by accident. No wonder she was sick.
Another wave of bile travelled up her oesophagus as she braced herself to throw up again.
Nathalie Sancoeur heard the sound of retching when she opened the door to Adrien Agreste's bedroom to relay to him his schedule for the day. She found the poor boy hugging the toilet bowl in his ensuite and promptly left the room. She would have to call a doctor, then visit the chef to check on just how the salads were being washed.
A/N: I blame the news for this. That juicy piece of information on just how polluted the Seine is is too good to turn down, so what better fandom to choose than to write it into Miraculous Ladybug.
If you're wondering, Garde D'eau means "Guard of the Water" in French. It is a play on the saying "Gardez L'eau" which means "Mind the Water" when people used to throw the excrement in the chamber pots into the streets during mediaeval times. I don't think it's historically accurate though.
Explanations:
Rive Droite - "Right Bank", in this case, the Right Bank of the Seine. It refers to the northern part of the Seine. Landmarks on this end include the Louvre, the Tuileries, the Place de la Concorde and the Avenue de Champs Elysée. It is opposite the Rive Gauche, or Left Bank, where the Eiffel Tower and Jardin de Luxembourg is.
Palais du Louvre and Jardin de Tuileries - The building that houses the Louvre museum and the Tuileries park next to it.
Navigo - the card for storing tickets and money for public transport in Paris, similar to the Oyster Card in London, or Suica in Japan.
Pont Alexandre III - A bridge built to commemorate Franco-Russian relations and named in homage of Tsar Alexander III of Russia. If you've watched Anastasia, it's the one where she kicks Rasputin off.
"Je te libère du mal" - I free you from evil (from the French dub)
"Bien joué" - Well done (from the French dub)
"Merde" - Shit (yes, this was deliberately chosen instead of putain)