Humming a tune not of this world, I poked the skewer into the fire hoping the other side would cook evenly, considering I haven't seen a shread of life since getting 'here', I would have to settle for cooking my food a tad bit on the side of seared, better overcooked than under I suppose, not want to risk getting myself sick ontop of being potentially standard in a never-ending sandpit.

I mean what else could I do? Learn how to cook?

Oh real world skills, why couldn't I have learnt you? Any of them would've been useful, hells I could've picked a proficiency that was halfway to useful in a fucking desert of all places.

To be fair to past myself I, when I created my BG3 character because I wanted to do another play-through but romance Karlach with a pretty much idolized self-insert version of me, I sure as hell didn't expect to wake up in a desert as that version of me, but, I cannot stress this enough, but fuck past me, he's an idiot.

A Paladin, an Oath of Vengeance, you have set aside even your own purity to right wrongs and deliver justice to those who have committed the most grievous sins.

It fitted me, well I hoped, fitted the try-hard edgy background I usually liked myself to, but who was I kidding? I usually loaded up a quick save whenever I selected the mean option in a dialogue tree.

Thank the gods… nah fuck the gods. Still, I was lucky I had a bag of holding on me when I woke up here.

Shucking off the scaled mail was an instantaneous thing, well after an initial cursing and general disbelief, peeling out of the metal was the smartest thing to do. I would've been cooked alive if I wore it any longer than a couple of minutes.

Thankfully the bag of holding may have looked like a small knapsack but it allowed me to place the hefty armour into the bag without weighing it down. I felt some sort of innate understanding whenever I opened the bag, knowing what was in it. I wonder if there was a limit to it but I could worry about that later.

While allowing me to easily carry the mail it was also holding a decent amount of supplies. Camping gear, food provisions, a few waterskins, a warhammer, and a dagger.

The makeshift tent had to enchanted or something, because it easily kept me in a relatively cool temperature when the day's heat got too much and comparatively warm during the desert nights.

Finishing my meal I leaned back on the log I was just sitting on, looking up at the night sky, damn it was gorgeous, not a cloud in sight, nary light pollution, unfamiliar stars up in the sky.

One of the few skills that I had any decent competency, completely and utter useless here, was star gazing, knowing the names of stars and the constellations up there. The worst thing was… I wanted to supplement the useless knowledge of the constellations on earth with the ones from here, wherever here was.

On the upside, I was a literal paladin, capable of doing magic and being an awesome warrior of legend, cough, best class, cough.

Though the magic made me feel a little drained, like I could pig out and nap to replenish the aggy feeling, so with sparse supplies now wasn't the best time to fool around the paladin magic.

It didn't matter where I was or what purpose I was brought here for, there was only one thing on my mind.

Survive, idiot.

Feeling the waterskin, sloshing it, the last waterskin nearly empty. Well, this one was nearly empty of water. I really don't want to think about the other skins in the bag of holding, survive at all means, I suppose.

I sighed, rule of three, three weeks without food, three days without water, and three minutes without air, though the latter seemed unlikely, and the middling probably didn't add on the factor of a harsh 'alien' sun in a desert.

Though maybe I was a lot more dehydrated than I thought because I saw a child of all things approach me, nope, she stood on a dune appearing out of nowhere, and when she spotted my bewildered arse, she waved her arms wildly and sprinted towards me.

Well, she was clearly in danger.

Because there was no way a strange lumbering man like me would get approached out of the blue like this unless there was a bigger threat. On earth I was a six-foot guy with resting best bitch, guys apparently have that also, the point was walking down the street people would part away from me if they could, not that I blamed anyone, people suck, and you needed to keep yourself safe over a stranger's hurt feelings or whatever.

The girl rolled down the dune as she stumbled under her feet in a rush. Yet she quickly clambered to her feet and stopped shy of body slamming me, her breaths were laboured as she ran a hand through her dishevelled hair, peeling the brown strands that were stuck to her face, showcasing her mouth drenched in blood. Yet the crimson liquid didn't seem to be hers.

Throwing my head back with a long sigh, I passed the girl my waterskin, she looked confused, and I circled a finger around for her to drink the last of my water.

Without further prompting, she knocked her head back and gargled the paltry amount before spitting out watery blood.

It gave me the time to pull out the warhammer and dagger.

The small slip of a girl briefly backed away when she saw the dagger. Though she didn't so much as ease up she did shuffle closer to me as she looked past me and over at the dune and more people were spotted.

"Here." I passed her the dagger, and the heave of relief wasn't expected nor was the twirling of the dagger like an expert showing off. Though her iota of confidence died when we saw the three men lumbering down from the dune, "Stay behind me."

One of them gripping a bloody hand to his chest, ouch the lass bit off his index finger, though why was his hand near her face, and why was he so underdressed?

I mean it was a desert sure, but three men chasing a girl, blood and gore, lack of clothing, bruises on her arms.

"Move or die." The wounded man growled, and the girl flinched when his eyes landed on the girl. Oh, he's a cretin.

"Bah, bah, bah, bah." I wagged a finger up as I steeled myself, oh this is happening, as my fingers wrapped around the ebony black warhammer an intrusive thought entered my mind, how to best take them down, how to fight foes like them, martial weapon proficiency taking effect if I had to guess. Oh here's hoping I have the stomach for this or at least some BS that numbed the act of killing, "Let's just go ahead to the part where I kill you all."

The wounded man sneered, "You think we'l-"

"Ignis!"

The need to survive took over the need to roll up into a ball and puke my guts out, well I think I've mixed something up there, but I just lit a man on fire with magic, so a reasonable cause not to think straight.

"Monster!"

"Magic?"

Rolling forward to avoid a swing of a sword towards my face, I slammed the warhammer against the shin of the only able body of one of them, he let out a horrifying screech as he crumpled to the floor, a jaggard bone tore his cotton pant leg.

Raising the warhammer up, I got ready to rush the nine-fingered man, only to fall short as the girl was going to town on his corpse, she stabbed him a shitload of times in the gut before the steel went south, and she stabbed his groin till it was a bloody gory hole.

The only one who was still kicking it… haha. He was still alive for the most part, his breaths were shallow, most likely passing out from the shock.

The girl finally stood up and took stock after she killed her would-be rapist. She stared up at me with big doe eyes, they tracked the blood-stained hammer and then to the hand that launched a fireball… going by the reactions of the men to my magic, it wasn't something common, something to be fearful of in fact, yep something as innocuous as a flaming fireball lighting someone on fire, to be feared, shocker.

"Kid," Her eyebrows scrunch up in confusion, "Child…"

She then huffed and crossed her arms under her torso, reminding me of my niece, seven years old and ready to be taken seriously as a woman grown, it was equal parts adorable and disheartening.

"Are you okay?" My face softened as I thought little madam this one reminded me of.

She nodded hesitantly as her eyes gazed at my hand, I wanted the girl to be at ease, partly because I wanted her to feel safe with me, but mostly because she was the first person I'd seen here, sans the dead and wounded men, she was probably the best chance of me of getting out of this godforsaken sand pit.

Kneeling down so we were at eye level, her eyes widened in shock at the action, feudal system with connotations with kneeling? Whatever. I raised my right hand up, my dominant one still handling the warhammer, an open flame appeared, the urge to launch it and shout at the top of my lungs was there but I was trying to put her at ease. Maybe when I- we were safe, I could test out the limits of my Oath of Vengeance and see what I could do.

"My name is Kalayavan," I cocked my head to the side and let out a chuckle as I saw her lips part as she tries to word it out, good luck lass, I've heard it all, I swear the only people who get it right are my folks and sister, "though my friends call me Kal." Eh might as well lean into it, "I'm a paladin, with an Oath of Vengeance."

"Paladin?" Her voice was soft and high, almost cute, "Vengeance?" Why does it sound like she's used that word more than a kid her age should? "Against whom?"

Shrugging my shoulders, was that a universal gesture? "I've forsaken my oaths to the gods and my own purity, I vowed to bring justice against those who have committed grave sins." Closing my hand the flame disappeared.

"Oaths like a knight?"

"Not really, paladins pledge to a patron god, though I broke the pledge so that I could pledge to the people."

"How is that not a knight?" She asked with a childish tone.

History was my favourite topic, turns out passionate teachers could make you love a subject, who would've thunked it? Though knights were usually romanced in most stories, in reality, they were just hard-coded killers, with the vast majority of them having a range of PTSD. They answered to a feudal lord or king.

"I aid who I want to, not bowin- kneeling to a person because of their bloodline." I corrected myself with a pointed smile, which seemed to crack whatever guard she had up.

"And the magic?"

I suppose I could've given a long-winded explanation of… nothing because while I seemed to have a backlog of spells, cantrips and whatever else in the back of my mind and the knowhow on using them, it sure as hell didn't mean I could explain the concept of magic. Though I took in the sight of the girl, I was once again reminded of someone I loved more than anyone else. Kids didn't need a long-winded answer, sometimes all it took was a silly explanation and that was it.

"I'm just a magic man," I said with a crooked grin.

She chuckled and I was once again brought back to the now, she killed a man, the word man was very loose considering the vitriolic death that was dulled out to him, but she was seemingly okay… was she okay, or perhaps she was compartmentalising like I was.

"What's your name?" Maybe I'll get an explanation if I know her name.

"Elia Sand." She beamed.

"Where are you from?" Maybe I'll get an explanation I like.

"I grew up in the Water Gardens," Elia said totally oblivious to my annoyance. Annoyance was probably right, this place was a crapfest of betrayal, barbaric laws, and generally terrible people who suppressed the common folk to their whims, yet I was a hulking skilled paladin, in a world where magic was limited.

But then again dragons, White Walkers? The Others? Whatever, I had a better leg up than most of the folk here, hence the annoyance. Then again sexy priestess committed to a god of fire or some such, eh, even if it was a magical enchantment to keep them young looking, oh well I was a degenerate, though maybe it's for the best if I get hit by the horny stick because my dick would so get me killed.

"El!" A rough voice with a feminine undertone called out from on top of the dune. A woman seated on top of a steed clambered down the sandy ground, a camel would be more suited, are there camels here?

The woman was followed by an entourage of men though they weren't as fast to come over to us as her. She looked like she was coming for a kill, a spear aimed at me. Gripping my warhammer my back leg grazed against the sand beneath me.

Yet whatever fight would ensue was killed the moment Elia stood in front of me with her arms stretched out, "Sister, he's my saviour!"

The woman reared her horse back, so to play it safe I grabbed Elia by the shoulder and yanked her back, keeping a hold on her in case she decided to put herself at risk again. Horses were mean beasts that shouldn't be fucked around with, one kick and you're dead.

When the woman dismounted did I let go of the girl, trusting her to be safe with her kin, whilst also trying to also remember if there was a notable Elia Sand in the books or the literal shitshow, well the latter half anyhow.

"El," The woman who looked like she had a half a decade on me, brought the girl into a hug before she pressed their foreheads together, "you fool." She said with a mixture of anger and relief, fair, kids could do that to you.

"I'm well, sister."

"You're covered in blood." She pointed out to Elia, as she rubbed the younger girl's jaw of the dried blood.

"None of it mine," Elia flicked her head in my direction, yet she winced from that action, she was pretty bruised up, "Kal saved me."

"Who are you, stranger?" The woman narrowed her eyes, and I took in the sight of her and cursed, broad shoulders, muscled arms, light brown eyes, and olive-coloured skin, she looked like the spit of Kassandra from Odyssey… Oh, my dick is going to get me in trouble…

"He's Kal," Elia answered for me much to her sister's annoyance, the girl shuffled next to me, and against my better judgment, my right hand glowed blue as I channelled energies in opposition to the flames, as I booped Elia on the nose, I mean it wasn't necessary to get her button nose but I couldn't help myself.

The elder girl was quick to thrust a spear in my direction, though the close proximity to her sister stopped her from skewering me.

"What the fuck was that?" The woman sneered, and I had to question my life choices in the sudden spike of my horniness.

"Minor healing spell." The crocked smile was back on my face, "Elia's bruises won't be bothering her now."

Said child punched my thigh, "Fool, my sister would've killed you."

Letting out a scoff, "She would've tried."

The woman narrowed her eyes as her jaw tensed, yet her eyes flickered for a moment on her sister and then to the corpses, "That one looks like he was alit into a blaze. Your doing, sorcerer?" She questioned with a guard to her voice.

The guards I could see on the dune were reaching for the weapons, ready to aid the angry woman.

"Yeah, aye," I shook my head at the slip-up, "and the other should be alive, though he won't be walking anytime soon."

To her credit, she didn't wince at the gory sight of the bone sticking out of the flesh nor the messy corpse that Elia took out her frustrations on, but her eyes did soften for a moment when she pieced together the corpse and the amount of blood that's soiled Elia's dress.

Elia caught the glimpse on his sister's face, "I did as father taught me, as he taught all of us, Obara."

Oh, she's the oldest one of the Sand Snakes, if I'm remembering right.

"Let's go, we'll get you checked out by the maester," She said as she sent me a scathing look.

Elia was quickly proving to be far too sharp for a girl her age, noticed the look and gripped my hand with her own, sending her sister a challenging look.

"Kal is coming with us." She stated.

"He's a sorcerer," Obara stated with an edge to her voice, I knew magic was taboo in Westeros, with the exception of fanon North, but what its relationship with Dorne, Dorne was the odd duckling to the other six kingdoms, "he killed a man with magic."

"To save me, and he healed the marks those men affiliated. He's coming with me, even if he and I have to walk." She stamped a foot on the sand ground beneath us.

It was a little embarrassing that a child was going to bat for me so hard, but it was either my pride or me who died in this desert… I have to drink pee.

Obara steeled herself as her jaw clenched yet again, she then strode over to the unconscious man, with her spear, standing over him she locked her hazel eyes on with mine, and jammed the spearhead into the throat of the man.

The man spasmed as he choked on his blood. A gnarly sight for sure, also stupid.

"You could've questioned him." I pointed out with a bored look, "Find out how he got Elia, or who he worked for, or where they were headed?"

"He was a bandit, and clearly we know where he was headed for," She motioned at her sister, I suppose that's why they're here then, "and they caught her because she's a fool."

Elia stuck out her tongue at her sister, "Not helping your case, kid."

"What's a case?"

Obara rolled with it or just didn't care to interact with me any longer, a shame, so my type, hot and surly, then again hot and anything was my type also.

"Come, you and Elia can take their steeds."

"Umm, I don't know how to ride a horse."

Obara scrunched up her face, "Does not sound like a problem for me."

"He can ride with me." Elia glowered at her sister, not liking her attitude, I didn't either, but I understood why, people on earth were awful, I can't imagine being able to tolerate my fellow man here, men and women here were just terrible. Hells Elia slaughtered a man, and she seemed okay for the most part. And doesn't Arya also kill a shitload of people around this age too, well then again she's probably the worst comparison for healthy coping.

The young girl tagged at my hand dragged me up the dune, and once we were at the top I wanted to slam my head into the next wall I saw, sure the camp of the trio of bandits was here, but it also had a great view of the ocean, a castle, another castle, and a what appeared to be a series of villages near the coast.

I suppose I could give what Obara wanted and just split with civilization in clear view, yet Elia didn't let up on her hold on me, if anything she seemed to sense the plans in my head and clamped on tighter onto me.

Nevertheless, she was forced to let up when we approached a horse, the men alongside Obara giving me a wide berth, "Kal could…" I picked her with ease, the annoyed look on her face was for sure because of the grin on my face, though it was her turn to smirk when I clambered on behind her, awkward being the only word that fits with what just happened.

I was forced to wrap my arms around the girl as she didn't bother to rein in the horse as it took off in a sprint, "Elia!"

"Elia, slow down," Obara commanded her sister as she kept pace with us.

"You should listen to your sister, no need to anger her any longer."

Elia just huffed, "Out of all of my sisters, she's the angry one."

Letting out a hum, Obara narrowed her eyes on me, "What?" She snapped, "Do you have something to say?"

Shrugging my shoulders not at all bothered by her manner, my eyes racking all over her body, "I figured you'd be the beautiful sister."

Obara's eyes widened as she jerked around on her horse, Elia let out a laugh as she saw the flat-footed expression on her sister's face.

"Please tell me you'll stay around Kal." Elia pleaded with a laugh.

"Eh, we'll see," Your sister will probably kill me.

A/N

Only own my dum-dum OC.

Not really sure where this story will go because I don't think things through, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I don't know, a story beat suddenly hit me, when I was working on my numerous other stories.