Just a note I wanted to reflect on. In this story, Lincoln has an idea of what 'normal' looks like and sounds like, and this often affects the way he thinks of his sister's autism, as seen in this chapter. But I don't think there is such a thing as 'normal.' Everyone's normal is different, and there's nothing wrong with being different from your peers. Lincoln's views do not FULLY support my own.
Please keep in mind when reading that this is a journal from the mind of an eleven-year-old boy, not an adult. Granted, I haven't been eleven in over ten years, haha.

Reviews would be super appreciated if you would like to see more, they are super motivating!

Dear Diary,

Maybe it's not a very manly thing to write in a diary like this, but my parents told me it was a good idea to try. At first, I wasn't so sure. But lately, things have been so busy, and I haven't really had anyone to talk to. So, I thought this might be a good way to discuss what's happening.

The thing is, living with ten sisters is hard enough. But when all of them are autistic, it gets kinda chaotic.

Let me start from the beginning.
My name is Lincoln Loud. I'm one of the middle siblings in a big family of 13. I'm 11 years old, and I'm in the fifth grade. I like comic books, video games, Ace Savvy, and SMOOCH, the best band in the world! When I grow up, I want to be a cartoonist! Or a magician. Or maybe an astronaut? I'm not sure yet. But I guess I've got time to decide!

My mom's name is Rita, and my dad's is Lynn Sr. They just had their 20th anniversary not long ago. That's a pretty long time.

My dad has something called 'Autism.' The way my parents explained it to me was that autism looks and feels differently for everyone. But essentially, it means that their brain isn't like mine or mom's. How do I explain...

Okay, so, for my dad, autism means he's very passionate about the things he cares about. I know everyone has things they like. I really like Ace Savvy, for example. But in a casual way. But when my dad likes something, he REALLY likes it. His van, his favorite recipes, and his jigsaw puzzles are things he could talk about for hours! Speaking of puzzles, he's suuuper good at them! He says that he can see the little details and that they're just as important as the big picture, which I guess is pretty important for puzzles.
Dad can get really upset when things don't go the way they should. For example, everyone has a certain place at the table they sit at, everything in the house has its place, and everyone has a routine they follow that mom and dad help keep track of. So when something happens that throws it off, Dad gets kind of mad. Mom says that's a part of his autism, too.
The thing that confused me the most at first, though, was that my dad looked super normal most of the time. He went to college, has a job, is married with kids, and does everything that a normal person does.

My mom tells me that there isn't really such a thing as 'normal' though, which also doesn't really make sense. I'm normal, and so is she, right? But then she put it like this.
'Everyone's normal is different. Things that make sense to you, like your peanut butter and sauerkraut sandwiches, don't make sense to other people. It's not 'normal' to other people, but it's normal to you.'

When she explained it like that, it made a lot more sense.

Anyway, like I said earlier, I have ten sisters, and all of them have Autism. So that makes things a little crazy sometimes...

My oldest sister is Lori. She's 17 years old and is in her last year of high school. She's already working with Dad on getting ready for college next year, which is kind of crazy to me. She reminds me of dad a lot in that she's really...normal, I guess. She does fine in school, she drives, she plays golf, she even has a boyfriend. So, a lot of people have a hard time believing she has autism. I think Bobby was confused even when she told him. But they don't really see what I see at home.
Lori's always exhausted when she gets home from school or work. Dad said it's because she's always doing this thing called 'masking.' She pretty much pretends like she doesn't have Autism. He said when she was younger, she would get home and have big meltdowns. But nowadays, they're not so often. Lori is like dad, too, in that she really likes order. She bosses us around all the time and has expectations of everything and everyone being in a certain place at a certain time.
She forgets to eat all the time; she can't always feel when she's hungry. So, Mom and Dad have to remind her, which I think embarrasses her sometimes. She's kinda sensitive to sound, so she's always yelling at Luna and Lisa when they're being too noisy. And sometimes, when things are too much to handle, she'll start rocking back and forth. Whenever someone catches her, though, she'll stop really quickly. I wish she wouldn't, though. No one in the house is gonna make fun of her...
She's going to be leaving soon for college; she wants to go to the same college as Bobby. I really hope she learns to be more comfortable by then, or else she might have a hard time.

My second oldest sister is Leni. She's only a year younger than Lori, at 16 years old. But despite how close they are to age, they're super different. Lori can hide her autism, but Leni really can't. Leni has something called an 'Intellectual Disability.' It means she learns differently. A little more slowly, I guess. That's why, unlike Lori, she's in a special needs classroom at her school. They help her learn how to communicate, daily life things, social skills, stuff like that.
She can talk a little bit, but most of her words are things from her favorite shows or things her classmates say a lot. It's like she doesn't have any words of her own... Because of that, it can be really hard for her AND for us when she has a need that she doesn't have the words for. She can't always explain why she's sad, or angry, or even happy. My parents say that all behavior is communication, which I guess is cool. But I don't exactly know what she's trying to communicate when she's screaming and crying.
Leni can be super sensitive to light, so she wears sunglasses a lot. But she LOVES to touch things. Certain fabrics like silk, fleece, and chiffon are really nice against her hands. Shopping takes a long time with her sometimes, because she really likes to stand in the clothing sections and touch stuff. I don't mind it much; it really seems to make her happy! She really wears her heart on her sleeve, so it's easy to tell when she's happy. She'll flap her hands and squeal and bounce on her heels. I really like that about her~

Next is Luna, she's 15. She goes to the same high school as Leni and Lori; she's only a sophomore. Luna is a little more like Lori in that she seems kinda normal. She talks all the time about starting her own band...actually, that's the ONLY thing she talks about. Music, Mick Swagger, musicians, guitars, it's really hard getting her to talk about anything else or change the subject. It's like she doesn't notice when someone isn't listening or is getting bored. She'll go on and on and on for as long as you let her. Kind of like Dad does!
She really likes loud noises, which is pretty strange. She'll put her ears up to the speaker or turn her headphones up as loud as possible. She gets in trouble for that all the time at home. It's like she craves it. It's strange; I thought people with autism didn't like loud noise. Mom always has to remind her to wear a pair of headphones if she's drumming really loud so she doesn't damage her hearing, but Luna doesn't listen. Mom also has to remind her to play in the garage, not in her room, so she doesn't upset my other sisters. But Luna forgets all the time. Mom is patient with her, though! (Well, except if Luna forgets and makes one of my sisters have a meltdown. Then, mom's not as patient- Dad doesn't help much; he likes to throw on a pair of headphones and play with her, and boy, does mom get mad at him!)
She's kind of sensitive about the things she wears, though. She can't stand lace or wool; it's too itchy. If her clothes are too tight, she'll get super upset.
Luna has a girlfriend now, Sam. And I noticed that whenever Sam comes over, Luna acts... differently. She puts in more of an effort not to talk too much, like she's worried Sam will judge her for it. But...I don't think that would happen. Sam seems really nice. And Luna is nice too, just how she is...

Then it's Luan, she's 14 years old. Luan is...a little weird. She's a freshman in high school right now and also gets help in school. But I think it's more for her social skills than her actual school stuff. She's pretty smart! But it's almost like she has NO clue what the people around her are thinking. She's kinda awkward, always doing things that are kinda weird... She talks all the time and is super handsy with people, even if she hasn't known them that long. I like that she's so open about what she likes and feels free to be herself. But at the same time, she doesn't always understand when people don't want to talk to her or when people are being mean to her. Lori's been really good about trying to teach her these things and keep her away from the people who aren't nice to her. But Luan doesn't always want to listen and would rather keep doing what she's doing. Which I guess I understand.
Luan struggles a lot with safety awareness, too, and doesn't always think before she does things. For example, if we go somewhere and she sees something she really wants or likes, she'll run away. Or if something is bothering her, she'll leave the place, even if it isn't safe.
But, like I said, I like that she feels like she can be herself. She doesn't hold back when she's happy, and she'll tell you to your face if you're doing something that's making her upset, so we never have to wonder about what she's feeling. She doesn't care if she gets weird looks for caring around Mr. Coconuts, her comfort item. It makes her feel safe and comfortable, and it even helps her talk about things that are hard for her by talking through her puppet. I remember this one time, though: she accidentally left Mr. Coconuts in the car when Mom dropped her off at school. We didn't get that far down the road to head to the middle school before Mom saw Luan SPRINTING after the car to get him. Like I said, no safety awareness-

Next is my sister Lynn, who is 13 years old. We're going to be in the same middle school next year, and she's in seventh grade! Lynn is...a little hard to really talk about. I remember overhearing a doctor once say that Lynn has what's called a PDA profile. I didn't know what that meant, so I looked it up. I'll have to look it up again, though, to remember how to spell it. I'll copy it here:
Pathological Demand Avoidance.
It's kind of hard to explain what that means for Lynn, but I'll try my best. Lynn gets into trouble a lot at school and sometimes at home because she really doesn't like being told what to do or not getting a choice. I remember when we were in elementary school together, she used to run out of the classroom a lot, and mom would have to come and pick her up early from school. She couldn't play games with the other kids because she would get TOO mad when she lost. She would tear the classroom apart or hit kids when she thought they were making fun of her. To be fair, I think they DID pick on her sometimes! But other times, if she was in a bad mood and you looked at her wrong, you were getting hit...
It actually took a while to get her diagnosed with Autism and ADHD because she was pretty smart and could do the work when she felt like it. Mom knew from the start, but it took a long time to get the doctors to actually listen to her. That made us all super frustrated. I don't like that Lynn was just labeled as a bad kid...
She does better in school now. Her teachers help her but do not phrase things as 'you HAVE to do this, no other choice.' She gets options and breaks; she has fidgets and noise-canceling headphones to help her focus, which're really helpful for her. She goes to another room to take tests and is allowed more time. Her grades are getting better, and she's really proud of herself because of it. I'm proud of her, too~

I'm next in the family after that. I know I'm pretty cool, and I'd love to tell you way more about me~ But this isn't about me! I'll save it for later! Moving on!

Lucy is my little sister; she's eight and in the third grade. We go to school together, and I walk her to class all the time! Like Leni, Lucy doesn't talk. Mom likes to say, 'She doesn't talk YET,' but I'm not so sure. I wonder who will walk her to class when I go to middle school next year...
Lucy gets really anxious and hates going to school. It's a fight every time it's time to go. Even though Lucy doesn't talk, I can tell she understands a lot more than she lets on. I'll catch her hiding her shoes in the morning sometimes so she doesn't have to go to school. I hear Dad has been considering pulling her out and homeschooling instead. Then, I guess no one will have to walk her to class.
Lucy's good at telling us what she wants. She'll take our hand and pull her to whatever she needs. Sometimes, she'll use the picture cards her speech teacher got her. 'PECS,' she called them. Lucy's pretty good with them. Maybe she doesn't really need to talk! Though, it would be pretty cool hearing what she has to say.
Lucy is super sensitive to touch and noise and needs a lot of space and breaks during the day. She needs to go to her room right after school and be left alone for a while to cool off before she's ready to come hang out with us. She used to share a room with Lynn! But she has her own room now, just because it got to the point where even SEEING Lynn would make her meltdown. Lucy used to fall to the ground, scratch her face, and sob really hard, but she's a lot happier now with her own room! I share a room with Lynn instead now, which isn't too bad! We're really good friends now!
Lucy likes looking at books, though I don't really know if she can read them. But she looks at the pages so seriously; I think she can~ Maybe I'll try and make the time to read to her more often...

I have a pair of twin sisters, Lola and Lana! They're six years old and are in the first grade. Both of them are in the same classroom, but they have something called a 'resource teacher?' It's kind of like...it's like special education, but they get pulled out of class sometimes to go to special groups. Lola goes for reading and social skills, and then Lana goes for math and daily living skills.
Lola has a really hard time with reading and has been refusing to do it lately. She also has a lot of trouble hearing 'no' or not getting her own way. It's like she loses it right away and can't handle herself. She's learning how to deal with her huge feelings and not blow up. She's learning how to understand other people's feelings too. It's hard for her to understand why saying certain things can hurt people or why she shouldn't just take what she wants without asking. The trouble is that Lola's a super social person; she likes talking to and being around others. But when things don't go the way she thought they were supposed to go or the way she WANTS things to go, she gets super upset and will say hurtful things or leave. So, she's still learning.
Lana is a little better with social skills, but she still has work to do. She's a HUGE sensory seeker with touch, sound, and smell. So she'll stick her hands in the mud, play with water, smell just about everything before she eats it, and put just about anything in her mouth. It's not good for her. And to top it off, she isn't very good at caring for herself. She doesn't know how to wash herself or her hands very well yet. She still needs help getting dressed, making her own food, putting on her shoes, and doing things like that. So, she learns things like how to take care of herself in her daily living class. She's also learning things like taking care of her room and her belongings. But I'm not so good at that either, so it'll be embarrassing if my little sister ends up better at it than I am, haha!
The two of them are super close to each other, even though they fight all the time, too. But I'm glad they have each other~

Then it's my sister, Lisa, who is four. She's a little young for kindergarten, but age doesn't count for much in this case. Lisa is gifted; she already understands a lot of the kindergarten stuff and is always ready for a challenge. She has Savant syndrome, like some of the autistic people I've seen on TV. She learns super fast and is always looking for more. It's impressive! But...she's smart with school and books, she's not that smart with people. She has a lot of trouble with conversations. Lisa tends to interrupt people, talk over them, or change the subject when someone talks about something she isn't interested in. Mom is teaching her how to hold a conversation with another person, but it's still hard for her.
She REALLY doesn't like being touched. She doesn't like hugs, or kisses, or being held. Dad says she used to cry and cry when she was being held; she really didn't like it. Even now, if someone is in her space or tries to hug her, she'll get super upset. It's really hard for Lisa to go to the dentist or to get her eyes checked because of that. She hates the doctors getting into her space, and she'll scream. We're all dreading the day she has to get her hair cut... Lisa also had a lot of trouble with her motor skills. She bumps into things a lot, can't run very well, stumbles, and has trouble making and eating certain foods. Mom still has to feed her sometimes, though I know it's humiliating for her.
She's in physical therapy now, though; I really hope it helps. Lisa gets really frustrated with herself and with the things she CAN'T do. And when she makes a mistake or gets something wrong, it's like the end of the world. But I think she shouldn't be so hard on herself. She's only little... I think she's cool. Even if I can't always get a in word edge-wise, I like hearing what she has to say!

Finally is my baby sister, Lily. Lily's one year old, still little. And...okay, remember how I said ALL of my sisters are autistic? Well, we don't know about Lily yet. She's meeting all of her milestones, she's babbling, she's really close to walking, she's smiling at us, she looks like a pretty normal baby. I mean, true, she doesn't look at us when we say her name. And she doesn't play with toys the way a regular baby does. But that doesn't automatically mean autism, does it?
I don't know, is it weird to have ALL autistic sisters, or MOSTLY autistic sisters, and one who isn't?

Maybe having one normal sister would be cool. I don't know. I've never had a normal sister, so-

Lincoln stopped. His Ace Savvy pen lingered above the paper for a second. He wrote a lot more than he anticipated he would. He supposed he had more to say than he realized. He took a second to look back on what he wrote.

'Normal.' Mom said there was no such thing as normal. So, even if Lily weren't autistic, that wouldn't automatically make her normal, would it? Lincoln set down his pen and rested his cheek on his hand. Even though all of his sisters were autistic, they all had something special about them that he loved. And they wouldn't be the same sisters he knew and loved if they weren't autistic. Sure, that made things hard sometimes, but he didn't love them any less because of that...He found ways to bond with them and ways to understand them. They were special.

This was HIS normal. This was what was normal for them.

A knock on the door made him close his journal. "Yeah?" he called.

"Hey! Come downstairs, Lincoln. We're watching a movie!" Lynn called, knocking on the door a few more times before she left. Lincoln smiled and sat himself up.

Yeah, maybe this wasn't normal for other people. Maybe this home life was strange or different. But, he loved it~

I haven't decided yet if I'll continue from here and create a series of one-shots about Lincoln's life or if I want to leave it here, with just a single introductory chapter. But I think it just depends on if this gets any sort of traction.