Call Me Maybe
*SPLASH*
"Ahhhhh!" the kids continued to scream as the digimon blankly looked at them.
"Wait a minute...we stopped falling," Tai sat up and swiveled his head around.
"Yeah, a while ago," Agumon said.
"And we're riding on a raft made of rainbow fish?" Sora lifted her hand up.
"Courtesy of me, thank you very much! Joe totally tried to ruined your lives, but I saved them!" Gomamon smiled.
"I dunno, I think it's going to take more than some colorful fish to make up for everything Joe did to us," Izzy frowned.
"They kind of remind me of Swedish fish. I want to eat one," Mimi cooed.
"They are not candy. If you try eating one, I will smack you off this raft with my tail and watch as you fall to your death in that ravine. That goes for your little green partner too," Gomamon hostily slithered up to Mimi.
"Okay, I won't!" Mimi jumped back.
"Hey Gomamon, just smack her off the raft anyways and I'll forgive Joe for everything," Matt whispered.
"Jesus Christ, what on earth did I do to you guys to make you have this attitude towards me?!" Joe exclaimed.
"You confiscated all of our fun stuff," Tai hummed.
"You mean contraband?" Joe pushed his glasses up.
"You force pills down my throat like I'm a Mexican whore smuggling drugs for the cartel. By the way, I am telling my mom you deepthroated me, because that's how it felt like," TK added.
"You're supposed to take your mood stabilizers at a certain time everyday! If you can't manage to do it on your own, don't complain about the help you receive!" Joe pressed his lips together.
"You force us to make friendship bracelets for hours," Izzy added.
"And you get mad when we don't string the beads in a neat pattern!" Mimi exclaimed.
"Because it looks so disorganized when you have a green bead, green bead, purple bead, orange bead, brown bead, then add a pink bead only to throw a random black bead in the mix. That's so chaotic and...just ugly!" Joe spazzed out.
"Wow, someone seems to have an answer for everything," Gomamon remarked.
"Yeah, I do. You wanna know why? Because I'm in college and I'm smarter than everyone here!" Joe said.
"Yeah, no...," Izzy shook his head. "Something tells me that is far from the truth."
"What?! Gomamon!" Joe gasped.
"Hey, don't worry. We're almost at the shore. From there you guys can decide whether to stay as a group or go your separate ways, which you probably should do. I don't see us making a great team," Gomamon steered his fish raft towards land.
"A team? Why would we be a team? For what?" Sora asked.
"Why does anything happen?" Biyomon hopped off the raft and landed on the sand.
"There has to be a reason why all of us ended up...where are we?" Izzy scrunched up his face.
"In rehab?" Mimi asked.
"Yeah, but I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about where we are right now. All by ourselves, with these strange- no offense, creatures," Izzy said.
"You can just call us digimon. We're all digimon," Agumon said.
"What is a digimon?" Tai asked.
"It's just short for digital monster, duh-doyyyy," Tentomon buzzed.
"Wow, you got less nice since you...became different," Tai narrowed his eyes at Tentomon.
"You mean digivolve?" Patamon flapped his wing-shaped ears.
"Do you just add 'digi-' to everything here?" Matt raised an eyebrow.
"Pretty much," Palmon shrugged.
"Well if you're all 'digimon', we're definitely not in Kansas anymore, are we?" Sora looked around.
"Sora, we never were in Kansas...or Kansai. We barely left the city limits," Matt looked at her.
"That's just an expression! Clearly we're not at our campsite!" Sora yelled.
"Sora, arguing with stupid people is just as bad as being a stupid person. Let it go," Izzy dismissively said.
"What are you trying to say, you broccoli head?!" Matt clenched his fists.
"Broccoli... oh no, my hair," Izzy tapped the top of his head. "I spent an hour straightening it too."
"You made your hair frizzy like that on purpose?" Tai winced.
"Oh my God, never do that again. I like it so much better like this," Mimi gently ran her fingers through Izzy's curls.
"You do?" Izzy turned red.
"Yes, this is so much nicer," Mimi whispered in his ear.
"The curls definitely suit you better," Sora twirled a lock of his hair.
"Oh...okay," Izzy nodded stiffly.
"Pfft, I make fun of his hair and the girls go crazy for him," Matt snorted.
"Why do you care? You're gay, right?" Tai shrugged.
"Nah, he was trying to neg him but it didn't work and now he's mad because he has competition," TK smirked.
"YOU IDIOTS, I AM NOT GAY! TK IS! HE'S BI!" Matt pointed at TK.
"Huh?" the girls stopped touching Izzy's hair and looked at the other boys.
"Just for the record, I'm bipolar. Not bisexual. Not that it couldn't happen, but he would have to be a super, super hot guy for me to be like 'wow, I'd probably let you stick your-'"
"Okay, not every thought has to be said out loud!" Joe shouted.
"What? I was just gonna say the guy has to be super hot for me to let him stick his tongue down my throat. What did you think I was gonna say?" TK shrugged.
"Yeah, Joe? What did you think he was going to say?" Tai smirked.
"Why is everyone picking on me?!" Joe dropped to his knees, sobbing and clenching some sand between his fingers.
"Ick...what a drama queen," Mimi winced and stepped back.
"Oh brother, and we're the disturbed ones," Sora shook her head in disapproval.
"While he has his tantrum, I guess why don't we split up and see if we can find a way back to the campsite?" Tai shrugged.
"I hate to say this, but I can't wait to get back to rehab. Anything is better than dealing with that," Matt shook his head disapprovingly at a hysterical Joe.
"Matt, what's rehab?" Gabumon said.
"It's a place your parents send you to, because they don't want you around, but they're too cheap to send you anywhere cool, so they lie to your doctor and say you do bath salts everyday, just so the health insurance covers it," Tai said.
"What are parents?" Agumon asked.
"And what are bath salts? That sounds delicious!" Biyomon waddled next to Tai.
"What about health insurance?" Palmon asked.
"System error 1008?!" Tentomon buzzed and jerked.
"I think all those concepts might be a lot to take in, and to be frank, some of them are so abstract, that even we don't understand or know how to explain them," Izzy shrugged.
"Oh...I guess being one of you guys must really suck," Gomamon said.
"Understatement of the year!" Joe heaved as sand streamed down his fingers.
"Oh my god, shut up. Why don't you call yourself a wah-mublance on one of those pay phones over there?" Matt jerked his thumb at a row of pay phones.
"Hold the phone, Matt! Pay phones! We can call someone and see if they can pick us up from here!" Tai shouted in excitement.
"Oh my god! I'm going to call Olivia, and Maxine, and Kacie, and Shauna, and Maddie, and Allison, and-"
"Mimi, you know these things are probably still coin-operated, right? How are you going to call everyone?" Sora asked.
"Oooh, I know a trick that I saw from a TV show once! Follow me!" TK ran to a phone booth.
"Are they forgetting that they are in the digital world now?" Gomamon whispered to the other digimon.
"I fear these kids are not the brightest of the bunch," Tentomon buzzed.
"Let's just see how this goes," Palmon nervously said.
"Alright, watch how it's done!" TK picked up the phone and pressed the 0 button.
"Operator!"
"Hi, I need to make a collect call," TK tapped his fingers against the phone booth walls.
"Who are you planning to call?"
"Hi, Mom! It's TK, I'm stranded on an island with some rehab friends and these weird animal things and I need to find a way back home so if you could help me out? Also Joe has been deepthroating me every day so this retreat has been traumatizing to say the least!" TK spoke rapidly.
"Okay...I see what you're doing here, so no. I will not connect your call. If you're a brokie, and the person you're calling is a brokie too, then sucks for you! I am now disconnecting this line permanently."
*BEEEEEEEP*
"That didn't go as expected," Sora frowned.
"That never happens in the movies," TK put the receiver back on the hook and picked it back up.
"This phone line has been put out of service. Please hang up and try another line."
"Apparently real life isn't like the movies," Izzy said in a patronizing tone.
"It's because you need charm! Watch me," Tai boastfully marched over to another phone booth. He obnoxiously pressed the 0 button and smirked as he waited for the phone to pick up signal.
"Preheat the oven to 365 degrees. In the meantime, spritz the foreskin with a little bit of EVOO on both sides and dip it into the Cajun spice mixture-"
"Uh, disregard what I said...," Tai's face turned white.
"What?" Matt asked.
"When I pressed the operator button, it directed me to a weird recipe. Maybe someone would like a shot with the other phones and see if they have better luck?" Tai winced.
"Looks like Mimi might have some progress already," Izzy raised his eyebrows in amusement.
"Oh my god...oh my godddd! Seriously?!" Mimi gasped into a phone and then hung up.
"Mimi! Is someone coming to get us?" Sora asked.
"I don't know. Why?" Mimi shrugged.
"What was all that commotion then?" Izzy swirled his finger around.
"Oh, I was in a three-way conversation between two friends who were both hooking up with the same boy. It's not looking too good, because one of the girls is pregnant...but get this, she was the side chick," Mimi shook her head.
"Mimi, GAHHHHH!" Tai yelled and punched the door of one of the phone booths. "Why are you so damn useless?!"
"I dunno. My parents ask me that all the time, but like you'd think they'd know. They're the grown-ups, not me...," Mimi tapped her finger to her temple.
"GAHHH!" Tai screamed and clenched his fists.
"Okay, let's chill out for a second! I think maybe we're all just tired and hungry. I know I am!" Sora stood in front of Mimi.
"Yeah, sounds like you could use a Snickers bar, you bitch," Matt smirked at Tai.
"Hey, I get it. You have daddy issues and heavy internalized homophobia, but can you not be an instigator for two seconds?" Izzy pinched the bridge of his nose.
"What?! Me the instiga-"
*BONK*
"Hey, what the hell? Why did you throw this hairy ball at my head?" Matt frowned.
"Please, we know Matt likes hairy balls in his face," Tai quietly whispered to TK.
"That's a coconut, you numbnut," Biyomon flapped her wings.
"A coconut?" Matt rubbed his hand over the coconut.
"Matt, we have them in the real world. Are you new?" Izzy huffed.
"I don't like coconuts. Is there anything else?" TK asked.
"You can pound sand," Patamon smiled.
"Wow, light on the passive, heavy on the aggressive...," TK frowned.
"All we're missing is some pineapple juice and rum!" Mimi said as she drank some coconut water.
"I guess I know why she ended up in the rehab camp," Matt hummed.
"Hey, cut the judgement. We all ended up in the same place," Sora jabbed her elbow into him.
"I'm getting more coconuts out of the trees! Do you think that's enough for everyone?" Biyomon clipped another coconut loose with her beak.
"I think that's good! Thanks Biyo!" Sora yelled.
"Great, let's dig in!" Biyomon flew back down to the ground.
"Thanks Biyomon, you are the GOAT!" Tai cracked a coconut open.
"Wow, I guess Agumon was right about you. I'm not a goat, I'm more of a bird, but a digimon nonetheless," Biyomon said.
"Nooo, GOAT! It stands for greatest of all time!" Tai explained.
"Oh! Really?" Biyomon chirped.
"Yeah! Thanks to you, we're eating a little something. I guess I was hungry after all," Tai said.
"You don't say," Sora chewed on a piece of coconut.
"Hey, is it me or are we like missing someone?" Mimi squinted her eyes.
"Oh, makes sense why it hasn't been so melodramatic in the last couple of minutes. Joe's not here," Izzy hummed.
"Should we call him over? He's probably in the same spot we left him before we went to the pay phones," Mimi bit her lip.
"Up to you. Just so you know, he did want to leave you for dead back when the giant beetle was chasing us," Matt shrugged.
"He did?" Mimi's face fell.
"Yeah...," Gomamon nodded.
"Oh. Then he can pound sand," Mimi pressed her lips together.
"By all the thrashing around from his temper tantrums, he probably pounded enough sand to make a tunnel to Mexico City by now," Matt rolled his eyes.
"Umm...speaking of Joe, I'm even more mad at him. I was hoping I had a mini bottle or two of something in my pockets, but he cleaned us all out I gu...oh, remember these?" Mimi pulled out her iPod nano.
"Hey, it's a digivice!" Patamon gasped.
"No, it's called an iPod nano," Izzy corrected him.
"No, it's a digivice," Patamon repeated himself.
"Just go with it," Sora mouthed to Izzy.
"Right...," Izzy flipped his iPod nano in his palm.
"I wonder if we got any music on this this," Matt fiddled with the circle pad on the iPod.
"Yeah! I wish we had something to plug these into," TK said.
"Here!" Gabumon bent over and pointed at his butt crack. "Just stick it in here, and I can be your speaker!"
"Uh...is that the only way?" Matt winced.
"There's always me, but I don't have the best audio output," Tentomon bent over as well.
"Never mind...we wouldn't want to do that to you guys. That seems like it would be uncomfortable," Matt pulled his iPod closer to his chest.
"Nonsense!" Palmon stretched her fingers out and grabbed Matt's iPod.
"NOOOOO!" Matt yelled.
"Here," Palmon gently docked the iPod on top of her flower head. "Now, what do you guys want to play?"
"Oooh," Mimi ran up to Palmon and scrolled through the iPod nano.
"Hey, that's my iPod!" Matt barked.
"And she's my digimon, so back off!" Mimi shooed him away.
"Is that violin music? Odd choice...," Sora shrugged.
"Nooo, I don't think it's what you're thinking...," Izzy sighed.
"I threw a wish in a well, don't ask me, I'll never tell, I looked to you as it fell, and now you're in my way..."
"Awww come on, Mimi! Why did you pick the worst song ever?!" Tai yelled.
"The worst song? You mean the best song?" TK exclaimed.
"Oh no...not these two. I already see it coming," Izzy shrugged.
"Hey I just met you, and this is crazyyyy...but here's my number, now CALL ME MAYBE!" TK and Mimi sang obnoxiously.
*rumble rumble*
"Guys, wanna cut that out? I think even nature is upset with you," Sora frowned.
"Ugh, we're just trying to have some fun. I guess no music...," Mimi huffed and tossed Matt's iPod nano back to him.
"Dude, be careful with this!" Matt exclaimed.
"We're not saying you can't play any music. Just don't sing, especially if you're not good at it. Sheesh," Tai whistled.
*rumble rumble rumble*
*SMASH*
"Ahhhhhh!" Joe screamed and ran up to everyone.
"Hey, where the hell have ya been, loca?" TK asked.
"What do you mean?! Where have you been?!" Joe stammered.
"Moving on, something you clearly have a problem of doing," Sora looked him up and down.
"Funny! While you're all eating- wait a minute, you're all eating and you didn't tell me?! I'm hungry too!" Joe gasped.
"The gang told me you wanted to leave me behind. I say, anyone who thinks every man for himself should well...," Mimi shot Joe a stern look and cracked another coconut open with her hands, "fend for themselves. Get your own damn food."
"Oooh, I got goosebumps," Tai heckled and rubbed his arm.
"Huh?!" Joe gasped.
"The woman has spoken. Go!" Gomamon lifted one of his flippers up.
"But Gomamon, you're supposed to be my partner!" Joe stammered.
"Ohhh, nowwww you want me to be your partner? Isn't that convenient?" Gomamon quipped.
"Fine! I will get my own food then! I don't even like coconuts anyways!" Joe grumbled and stomped away.
"Mimi, don't you think maybe we should have been nicer to Joe?" Sora frowned.
"What? You guys said he wanted to leave me for dead!" Mimi exclaimed.
"Yeah, but to be fair I wanted to too. I'm just not a dick about it," Matt shrugged.
"What?" Mimi gasped.
"HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP?!" a large, ugly pink creature with a seashell on its back like a turtle dome stomped over to the group.
"AAAAAHHHHH!" everyone screamed.
"Uh, what is that thing? That thing is almost freakier than the beetle guy," Tai stammered.
"Oh that thing? That's a Shellmon!" Patamon said.
"Seems simple enough...do you just add '-mon' to everything?" Sora raised an eyebrow.
"If we don't add 'digi-'!" Tentomon pitched in.
"Hmmm...this world seems so simplistic and yet...," Izzy bit his lip.
"HEY, WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET SOME PRIVACY AROUND HERE?! DON'T YOU SEE THE SIGNS?! YOU'RE TRESPASSING ON MY SWAMP!" Shellmon stomped around frantically.
*stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp*
"Whoaaaa!" everyone dropped to the ground and tried to steady themselves.
"Sir, this is a beach...," TK coughed.
"And we didn't see any signs. Only the phone booths, which I see you already smashed...," Izzy winced.
"ARRRGHHH!" the Shellmon thrashed around and started chasing after everyone.
"He can't get us all, let's try to spread apart and confuse him!" Sora yelled.
"I'm not deaf! I can hear you!" the Shellmon grabbed Sora by her ankle and held her upside down.
"Ahhhh!" Sora frantically flailed her arms around.
"Sora!" Biyomon and Tai shouted.
"Everyone, just attack! Who cares!" Tai ran up to the Shellmon and started kicking his leg.
"Spiral Twister!" Biyomon flapped her wings.
"Super Shocker!" Tentomon buzzed.
"Pepper Breath! Pepper Breath! Pepper Breath!" Agumon hawked out balls of fire.
"Cool Ranch Blaster!" Gabumon heaved.
"BOOOOM Bubble, pah!" Patamon yelled out.
"So when Tai said everyone to attack, he did mean just the digimon, right? Cause I'm not touching that big ugly thing...," Mimi hid behind a tree.
"That would be pretty reasonable to assume if Tai wasn't trying to punch the guy's kneecap in," Izzy frowned.
"You're all worse than a bunch of mosquitos! Aqua Blaster!" the Shellmon shot water out and knocked all of the digimon out cold.
"You asshole, that's cheating!" Tai bit the Shellmon on the leg.
"OW!" the Shellmon dropped Sora to the ground and picked Tai up by the back of his shirt.
"Uh oh...," Tai forced a smile. "Is it too late to say I'm sorry?"
"Dammit, I should do something, shouldn't I?" Agumon winced.
"Like what? That's Tai's fault for getting himself in that," Matt scoffed.
"IMSORRYIMSORRYIMSORRY! Now pleeeease let me goooooo!" Tai bucked and kicked, an orange light glowing from his khaki pockets.
"I feel funny...like I'm going through another...oh, you've got to be kidding m- Agumon digivolve to Greymon!"
"Whoa! Did little dinosaur change into big dinosaur?" TK gasped.
"He's fucking huge. He could definitely take this shell guy down now!" Matt exclaimed.
"I'm Greymon, and I'm going to kick your ass! And once I'm done kicking your ass, I'll kick Tai's ass next!" Greymon stomped over to the Shellmon.
"Wait, you'll kick this little shit's ass?" Shellmon shook Tai around like a ragdoll.
"Yeah, obviously," Greymon said.
"How about this? You can take him. You can take all of these kids for all I care. I don't even want to fight in the first place, I just want them out of my swamp!" Shellmon yelled.
"Uh, sure," Greymon paused.
"I'm setting a timer though. If I don't see you guys gone within the next hour, it's not going to be pretty. I promise you," Shellmon grunted.
"That sounds fair. I'll take them off your hands," Greymon took Tai and shook him around.
"Heyyyyyy!" Tai whined.
"One hour...," Shellmon sternly said and stomped into the water.
"Well, that was anticlimactic...," Joe pushed up his glasses.
"Did you want this to play out different?" Sora rubbed her back.
"Yeah. He would probably wish we were all dead," Mimi scoffed.
"When are you going to let that go?" Joe turned red.
"Never," Izzy smirked.
"Well. You all heard the big shell creature. Let's get a move on. Lowkey don't feel like fighting but kind of disappointed I digivolved for no reason. I didn't even get a chance to try out my new powers," Greymon said.
"Why not try? There's no one here," Tai said.
"Okay, stand back everyone!" Greymon shouted. "Nova Blast!"
"Whoaaaa!" TK gasped as a big blast of fire came out of Greymon's mouth.
"You're like a larger than life zippo lighter," Matt said in awe.
"Do it again, do it again!" Mimi clapped her hands.
"He's not a hibachi chef, Mimi...," Izzy sighed.
"It's okay, I think I got another one left in me! Novvvv...pper Breath! Pepper Breath! Oh no! I'm Agumon again, aren't I?" Agumon gasped.
"Yeah. What happened?" Tai asked.
"I guess I just don't have enough energy to stay as Greymon. And I'm beat...and starving," Agumon frowned.
"We got some coconuts left," Biyomon said.
"Thanks...but we should try to get out of the beach area soon. I don't think we have much time now that I'm small again," Agumon sighed.
"How do we make you all big? Maybe if we made all of you big, we can go back home?" Mimi asked.
"I don't think it's that simple. Or is it?" Izzy asked.
"We don't know," Tentomon shrugged.
"The only thing we know is that Joe hates all of you. Except maybe Sora," Gomamon said.
"WHAT?!" Joe turned red.
"I told you soooo...we're in the digital world now, so I bet you there are no rules or jails here," Mimi winked at Sora.
"You cut it out!" Sora hissed through her teeth.
"What are you girls whispering about?" Matt raised an eyebrow.
"Nothing...except how it's Joe's fault we're even here in the first place," Mimi smirked and strolled ahead of the crowd.
"Oh yeah, it is his fault...if he wasn't so loud with his hissy fits and sand punching, he probably wouldn't have disturbed the Shellmon and we would have been able to spend more time at the shore to get ourselves better acquainted with our surroundings," Izzy nodded.
"What?! How did you turn this around on me yet again?" Joe gasped.
"Shut up, Joe!" everyone yelled as they trekked on to new territory.