CHAPTER EIGHTY-FOUR

EVOLUTION

17x06 Message In A Bottle

"Hey," JJ said casually as she sat down in the chair next to her friend.

"Hey," Penelope responded, refusing to meet her eyes. It was almost heart-warming how hard Penelope was trying to keep this secret. But as soon as JJ saw Penelope's face she knew the truth.

"All right, give me your keys."

"Why?"

"Well… my wife didn't come home last night… again. And as far as I know she's not in jail this time, so there's only two places she'd be. And I already checked with Derek. So, my guess is that she's sleeping it off at your place."

Penelope looked at her astonished. "Okay. You profiled that. I did not tell you."

"No. You didn't." JJ said with a small nod. "Neither of us are going to be able to focus on this if we're worrying about Emily so just - come on, give me your keys."

"Yeah. Here," Penelope handed her the keys.

"Thank you."

"Jayje? I've never seen her like this. Rossi too, but Emily is worse…" JJ's eyes dropped from Penelope's. JJ opened her mouth to respond but she was cut off. "And I know sometimes I can get a little too involved with my friends' personal lives so I have been doing my best to give you guys some space but I can't take it anymore!" After a long silence, Penelope realized that JJ wasn't ready to discuss this further. Her voice softened as she added, "For what it's worth I do it out of love."

A genuine smile spread across JJ's face. "I know you do, Pen." JJ moved to stand.

"Oh! And I put a clean bucket by Emily's head. I'm sorry if when you get there it's full."

"Please. I'm a mom. I've seen worse."

"Emily?" JJ called out as she closed the apartment door behind her.

"JJ?" Emily's voice came from a distance. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh, everything's fine," JJ muttered under her breath sarcastically.

Emily came around the corner into view. "What are you doing here?" Emily asked in a vulnerable whisper. She winced at the bright lights, putting a hand up in front of her eyes.

"I'm making sure you're okay." JJ stiffly. She busied herself with turning off the lights.

"What time is it?" Emily asked, a little awkwardly, like she was trying to make small talk with the woman who knew more about her than anyone else.

"Time for hydration, I think," JJ replied, making her way to Penelope's refrigerator. JJ took in a steadying breath and handed Emily a vitamin water.

"Oh, it's got what plants crave," Emily slurred a little. "Electrolytes!"

JJ raised her eyebrows as she watched her wife. She crossed her arms over her chest. She didn't know what to do with this strange mixture of emotion - part of her was frustrated by Emily's continued destructive behavior, but there was another part that was relieved to see her wife so carefree even though it was obvious she was not sober. It was hard to stay mad at her when she was so dazed.

"You see that movie 'Idiot City'?" Emily asked. JJ watched as Emily sat on the couch, a happy, dazed smile on her face. JJ raised her eyebrows, unsure of what to do. "Wait. Idiot city?"

"Idiocracy?" JJ asked dryly.

"That's it!" Emily said back in awe.

"Yeah, Em, we watched it together."

"Hey, did you ever…"

JJ waited but Emily never finished her sentence. "Did I ever… what?"

"I don't know," she said with a chuckle.

"Wow. Chug that now, please." She sat across from her. "So what have you been drinking?"

"Wine. Chablis."

"Hmm. Feels like it's more than a crisp white." JJ felt her jaw drop. She narrowed her eyes. "Emily Elizabeth Prentiss… are you high?"

"I'm not not high," Emily said back with a chuckle.

"I can feel your disappointed stare on my back," Emily said from the kitchen. She was staring blankly into the refrigerator.

"Not disappointed, just…" JJ said back. "I don't like seeing you like this…"

"I didn't - smoke. Stop judging, Jennifer Jareau…" Emily said with another dazed chuckle.

"I'm not judging," JJ said quickly. A timid smile grew on her face at Emily's use of her full name. "I just… thought we grew out of this stage…" JJ murmured, leaning her head to the side, staring softly back at her.

Emily turned to her, eyes suddenly mischievous. She chuckled a little. JJ couldn't help but smile. It was like she could read Emily's thoughts.

"Okay, so, what is it?" JJ began. "What did you need to contemplate?"

Emily threw her hands up in the air dramatically, then turned to face JJ again. "My future with the FBI," she began.

"Look, you were benched. It happens. Once Madison and the brass can tame the PR beast, you'll be back in the field - couple days, tops."

"No. This is how careers come to an end at the bureau. Not with a bang but a whimper. So, I'm going to take care of it myself."

"What does that mean?" JJ countered. Emily met her eyes with a meaningful look. "No, you don't mean that." JJ said back.

"Yeah, I do. I'm done, JJ. I'm quitting."

"You are not quitting. Okay? You are hung over and not 'not' high. But this - today, right now, probably not the best time to make any big life decisions, right? Besides, what would you do, anyway?"

"Be a catcher in the rye." JJ narrowed her eyes, not following Emily at all.

"What?"

"A catcher in the rye, like the book. Just run through the field, and you - you catch all that rye."

"You haven't read it, have you?"

"I have not."

"Yeah…"

"But I do know this - Voit is gonna get what he wants. If not now, eventually. And I crossed a line with him that I never thought I would. And so, now I'm struggling t-to try to figure out why I'm fighting so hard to win this battle of good versus evil. So if I'm going to go out, I want it to be on my terms."

"Okay. Come." JJ jumped off the counter and walked over to her. "Sit. We need to talk." JJ pinched the bridge of her nose. It had been long enough. This might be the best time to talk about it, but JJ couldn't take it any longer.

Emily followed her for a moment before she was distracted by the food on the counter.

"What are you even looking for? Every snack in the world is over here." JJ sat down on the couch.

"No, I need something sweet. I've overdosed on salt."

"Emily?" JJ asked slowly.

"Yeah?"

"Why are the walls closing in?"

Emily's eyes widened and she spun around. She quickly picked up the now nearly empty plastic bag.

"Those are edibles?"

"You're gonna need to lie down," Emily said with a chuckle.

"'Upon further investigation, the claims against you have been falsified and are void. Effective immediately, you are reinstated as unit chief of the BAU.'" Emily read off her phone.

"Hell yeah. Let's go!" JJ said in a dazed voice.

"'Director Madison, effective immediately, I am resigning from the FBI.'" Emily mumbled as she typed. "Should I delete the 'sent from my phone' handle?"

"N-no. Stop. Stop. You can't - no. You can't send that. Not - not until we can justify this."

Emily shook her head and looked at her wife. "Think about everyone who's come and gone since we met. Gideon. Morgan. Hotch. It's like the longer you stay in this job, the odds are you're going to lose yourself or someone you love or your sense of honor. It just takes and takes and takes." Emily closed her eyes and sighed. "What's one thing this job has given you?"

JJ raised her eyebrows and glanced at Emily dubiously but decided to hold her tongue. JJ pulled herself up to a seated position and started chuckling to herself.

"What?" Emily asked, a smile creeping onto her face.

"You know what's crazy…?" JJ gestured for her to lean in closer. "We're married," she said in a whisper like it was the most incredible thing she'd ever heard. She started giggling and layed back down against the couch cushions.

"We are," Emily said back in awe.

"You're my wife!" JJ added, enthusiastically, closing her eyes.

"You're my wife!" Emily slurred back.

"We got married, in front of people!" JJ said.

"I know, I was there!" Emily said back, leaning her head against the couch close to JJ's. She stared into her eyes.

"We're in love…" JJ continued, nodding.

"Hmm," Emily said, narrowing her eyes and nodding back.

JJ giggled, her eyes sparkling as she looked at Emily. "And we have kids!"

Emily's eyes widened comically. "Oh my god, we do! Three of them!"

"Three whole children," JJ nodded solemnly before breaking into a grin. "How did that happen?"

Emily leaned in conspiratorially, "I think it might have something to do with how much I love you."

JJ gasped dramatically. "No way!" JJ raised a finger up, and added, "But also the sex." They both dissolved into laughter, leaning against each other on the couch. After a moment, JJ's laughter subsided, and she turned to Emily with a dreamy smile. "You know what else is crazy?"

"What?" Emily asked, still grinning.

"How we can work together at the BAU, catching bad guys..." JJ's voice trailed off, her expression suddenly shifting. "And still keep secrets from each other." Emily's smile faded slowly from her face. JJ's eyes, though still unfocused, held a new twinge of hurt. "Like…" she sat up, "BAU-gate." Emily's face hardened, her body tensing. "That was a really big one… You knew about it for years and never told me." JJ chuckled a little, but stopped abruptly and took in a wounded breath.

The words hung in the air, heavy and sobering. "JJ," Emily said, her voice now steady and serious. "How do you know about that?"

JJ blinked, seeming to realize the weight of what she'd just revealed, while Emily stared at her, a mix of concern and guilt etched across her features.

"Luke told me," she said. "He thought I had the right to know."

"Did - did you look at it?"

"Oh, yeah," JJ slurred. "That was not fun at all…" Emily closed her eyes in pain. "But you know what bugs me the most is you - you didn't tell me. D-Did you think I couldn't handle it?"

"No. I know you can handle it. That doesn't mean you had to. I just thought… I thought if I could just shoulder this burden for you…"

"Emily, that's - that's bullshit!"

"I'm supposed to protect the team. I'm supposed to protect my family. My own wife! I can't even do that. Another reason why I need to quit."

"No, no, don't do that. It's not about protecting us. It's about being honest with us, with me."

"I am. Honestly… I want to quit."

JJ closed her eyes painfully and slumped back against the couch cushions. She closed her eyes and sighed heavily.

"There is only one question that needs to be answered right now. One question that decides everything." JJ paused, seemingly hypnotized by the chip she was holding in front of her.

"What is it?"

"All those years with cheesy fingers… How the hell have we never figured this out? Seriously, mind blown. Shit. What was I talking about?"

Emily chuckled a little as she stared at her wife.

"The question! The ones that came before us - Gideon, Hotch - what did they have in common?"

Emily scoffed, "How much time have you got?"

"They left." JJ said forcefully. "The two of us, we were -" she laughed bitterly, "kicked out. They're gone. We're still here, Emily."

Emily's heart clenched at the way JJ's voice quivered as she said her name.

"We are stronger than anyone - anyone gives us credit for."

"Well, not for long. It's just a matter of time before they fire me."

"Then let them fire you!" JJ argued back strongly, surprising Emily. She gazed at JJ with regard. "Because we don't quit! We don't. I didn't - I didn't quit on you in Paris." JJ said, a tear falling down her cheek. She sniffed. "You didn't quit on me after my miscarriage."

"Jay…" Emily breathed out painfully.

"You know what? This job takes a lot. But you know what it gives? It gives me you. Our marriage! A happiness that I never thought I could have…" JJ shook her head, taking in a wavering breath. The emotion tightened in her throat. She recalled her college days, the confusion about her feelings, trying to ignore the flutter in her chest when a dormmate linked arms with her. "You know what? After all of this, if you still want to go, you know, I'll support you. I will." JJ broke eye contact before adding, "Always."

JJ brought a hand to her cheeks and wiped away the tears. She avoided Emily's eyes but she could feel her staring at her. Emily slid off the stool she was sitting on and wrapped JJ in her arms. She felt JJ collapse against her, arms wrapping around her.

"I'm not giving up, Jay. I'm not quitting on you or our family."

JJ released a shaky breath, her body trembling with silent sobs. The weight of Emily's promise hung heavy in the air, both women acutely aware that this wasn't about Emily's job anymore. With desperate intensity, JJ clung to Emily, her fingers digging into her wife's back.

JJ's phone chimed, abruptly breaking their embrace. She glanced down at the screen and muttered, "Oh, shit. It's Rossi."

Emily's gaze remained fixed on her wife, her hands gently cupping JJ's face. With tender care, she wiped away the tears and tucked stray strands of hair behind JJ's ears. JJ looked up cautiously, her heart racing. This was the Emily she had married - the one she hadn't seen in weeks - and the intensity of the moment left her breathless.

"So, what's it going to be?" JJ asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Emily paused, searching JJ's eyes before responding with determination, "Grab your keys. Let's fucking roll."

A grin spread across JJ's face as she excitedly slapped her hand on the counter. "Yes!"

They moved quickly to the couch, gathering their belongings. "I can't - I can't drive," JJ suddenly said.

"Well, I can't drive," Emily replied, a hint of amusement in her voice.

JJ's eyebrows raised as she suggested, "Rideshare?"

Emily closed Charlotte's door behind her and headed for the stairs. She slowed when she reached the bottom step. She could hear JJ in the kitchen. Emily approached cautiously. As she turned the corner, she shifted awkwardly on her feet. JJ looked up and stopped what she was doing. She put the hand towel down on the counter.

Emily smiled awkwardly. "I didn't know if you wanted me here tonight," she said softly, her voice carrying a mix of apprehension and sadness.

JJ's expression softened. "This is your home, Emily," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

Emily took a deep breath. She didn't know what to say - now that they were both sober, it felt so much harder to talk to JJ again. It just didn't seem like words were enough. Emily opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Then, after a long beat, Emily simply said, "I love you."

The corners of JJ's mouth twitched up in spite of herself. "I need you to be better," JJ said back in a whisper. "I need you to see me as your equal - as - as your partner. Not something you have to protect." Emily still didn't speak, her eyes were burning with anguish and shame. JJ's voice caught in her throat but she soldiered on.

"I need you to take care of yourself. I need - I -" JJ took a long breath in. She closed her eyes to steady herself. "God, Emily, I want you…" JJ started. She looked down at her hands and let out a shuddering breath. "But I can't keep doing this unless something changes." JJ's eyes shimmered with unshed tears. "I love you - and I always will. But if you can't do that…" JJ paused briefly. "Then I can't do this." She gestured between them.

Emily felt her whole body shaking. The weight of what JJ just said made her feel sick to her stomach. Was that an ultimatum? How did things get so far off course? How did Emily let this happen? How did she let herself hurt the woman she loved most? The idea of living in a world where JJ wasn't her wife seemed meaningless.

"I'll be better."

Emily's words hung in the air, heavy with emotion and promise. The simplicity and honesty of her statement cut through the tension. JJ's eyes softened slightly, a mix of love and cautious optimism flickering across her face. She didn't speak immediately, allowing the weight of Emily's words to settle. After a moment, JJ took a small step forward, closing the distance between them. Emily felt a spark of electricity when JJ's hands found her arms.

"I need more than words, Em-"

"I know."

"I need you to show me-"

"I will."

The tension in the room shifted, almost imperceptibly at first. JJ's hands, still on Emily's arms, tightened slightly, as if afraid to let go. Emily, her heart pounding, slowly raised her own hands, letting them hover uncertainly near JJ's waist. Their eyes met, a silent conversation passing between them. Without a word, JJ gave a small, almost imperceptible nod. It was all the permission Emily needed.

Gently, reverently, Emily wrapped her arms around JJ's waist, drawing her close. JJ's arms slid up Emily's shoulders, encircling her neck. They melted into each other, their bodies fitting back together again. Emily buried her face in the crook of JJ's neck, inhaling deeply, letting the scent of her wife wash over her. JJ's fingers tangled in Emily's hair, holding her close. They stood like that, swaying slightly, their embrace conveying what words couldn't. Emily felt JJ's chest rise and fall against her own, their breaths gradually synchronizing. She could feel the dampness of JJ's tears on her shoulder, mirroring her own that silently fell.

JJ's body, initially tense, began to relax in increments. Her fingers gently massaged Emily's scalp, a gesture of comfort so familiar it made Emily's heart ache.

"I've missed you," JJ whispered, her voice muffled against Emily's shoulder.

Emily tightened her hold, pouring every ounce of love and remorse she felt into the embrace. "I'm here," she murmured back.