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"So, Bell, how're things?" I asked the white-haired Adventurer sitting across from me, who lit up at the opportunity to talk about how his adventure has been going.
"Oh it's been going great, I've already made it to the ninth floor!" I whistled, honestly impressed for a kid with no magic to get that far running solo. "I've also been making a lot of money for Lady Hestia and I-"
I withheld a grimace as I immediately contemplated the question of whether or not I was going to help Hestia not cuck herself straight into the mother-zone. I tilted my head, not exactly sure whether or not I should do so… but it's an action-harem anime, and unless everyone wins then it isn't a harem but a significantly more erotic love-dodecahedron.
Fuck it, the Love Buff applies for more than one person, right? Why the hell wouldn't it?
"Bell, why are you calling your Goddess by her full title?" I asked curiously, causing the kid to stop and pause.
"Am I not supposed to?" He tilted his head like a puppy, but I have an Anubis who gets jealous when I start petting other people in her line of sight. (Note to self, try and pet Bast for more Endurance).
"Eh." I shook my hand in the air. "It's what civilians or Adventurers should refer to other Gods, but she's your Goddess. That means you get to be informal with her. Y'know, banter, hanging out, shit like that."
"What's banter?"
"Ah, it's like having a conversation just for fun. Like… talking about random shit that'll make you both laugh, or getting into a playful argument. I'd give you an example, but Bast already has her hands full dealing with Anubis, and messing with her right now isn't worth it despite how funny it would be."
Red eyes widened in shock. "Is that another… f-flirting thing?" It was now my turn to tilt my head at him, before shrugging.
"It can be, depending on the type of person you're talking with. Remember what I said about-" Bell was then summarily executed by a high-speed shortstack hip checking him out of his seat and into the air. I almost laughed, until Hestia spoke up.
"So you're the one who gave my Bell love advice?" Oh my Anubis, am I about to die via crazy jealous girl? Over someone other than me?!
… nah, Hestia ain't that scary, but I was still sitting up straight right now. "Yes, because he needed it." And before she could continue summoning 'anime scary face', I got up and grabbed Bell off the ground.
"As an example, I will freely gift upon my student advice, so his Goddess doesn't pop her Arcanum out of pure rage!" I declared proudly, before lifting the kid up and turning away from the rest of the party looking at us to have a quick whisper contest.
"Emergency lesson! Your Goddess is crazy jealous of your crush on Ais." His mouth opened to say something stupid and/or loud, so I quickly cut that shit off. "Bell, does she act weird whenever you mention Ais? Or when you seem extra motivated because of her? Maybe muttering under her breath, getting extra clingy?"
Again his eyes widened. "No I can't see into the past or read minds, you're both just predictable. Okay, I'm going to hit you with some logic you can maybe understand. Listen close- Hestia is afraid you'll abandon her for Ais."
"I'd never do that!" He immediately denied the very idea of leaving his goddess alone, but I shook my head.
"Doubt doesn't care about likelihood. Be honest with me- have you been spending a lot more time in the Dungeon than usual? Not spending nearly as much time with Hestia than you used to?" He grimaced, but slowly nodded to me. I clicked my tongue. "There it is then. You know your goddess is the clingy type, right?"
He nodded much faster at that thought, for reasons I'd long since forgotten about. "So that means she enjoys spending time with you, even though you spend a lot of it at work. It's how she shows her appreciation for what you do- but when you actively spend as much time as you can away from her, and you constantly mention that you're working so hard for the sake of another woman… Do you get what I'm putting down?"
"... I've been making Lady Hestia feel lonely." He was clearly feeling very ashamed of himself for personal reasons I could only guess at. Fuck is this how regular people feel when they get isekai'd and can't remember every plotpoint by heart? Shit sucks.
"Yeah, but you can fix it. I personally recommend squeezing her close, telling her she will always have a place in your life, and call her by her fucking name." He nodded resolutely, red eyes burning with conviction, before he did a football tackle from across the room and began burying himself into Hestia- face-first.
Hestia, blushing from both her boytoy motorboating her and the fact she could translate the sappy shit pouring from his heart, looked up at me in confusion.
I gave her a single thumbs up, which was embarrassingly returned while Bell sweared to treat her right from now on.
Go on, my second favorite harem protagonist, and do as you were born to.
"What the hell did I just eavesdrop on?" Tiona said from behind me, and I spoke dramatically into the night.
"A bunch of bullshit I came up with on the spot." She laughed at my words, and the party continued on…
"I can't believe you never told us you didn't like cake." Bast grumbled as we cleaned up what remained of the party, streamers and bits of food all over the place. Note to self, invent disposable dishware and make a fucking fortune.
"I'm fine with cake itself, I just can't handle frosting. It tastes like diabetes, the same way Checkers tastes like heart disease." I replied, helping Anubis sweep up the floor and pick up the weirdest shit someone stuffed into one of the shelves. "I swear, it feels like Loki just messed with things just to spite me."
Who the fuck leaves a completely full cup sitting in the bottom shelf?
"Selah, you just complained about a food I don't even know about right now! You wouldn't shut up about pancakes when Anubis and I were deciding what you should make for breakfast."
"Pancakes are superior to waffles in texture, coloring, variations, and-"
"You're doing that shit to piss me off, aren't you?"
"Absolutely. Hell, half the shit I do is just a delayed set-up for some shit meant to infuriate you."
"Like your beef with Loki?"
"Ah, that's real. Why else would I slip Riveria a note about Loki stiffing me over 100 million valis for teaching them magic?" Ah, I wish I was there to witness the crash out, but unfortunately any questioning would reveal that my lack of payment is my own problem. And would she believe the teacher who is actively being stiffed 100 million valis, or the serial liar who has made it clear she holds a substantial grudge against me.
Heh.
"... what do you want to tell me?" Ah, she saw right through me. Fuck.
"I dealt with your sister today." The tomcat hummed at my words, urging me to go on. "I cursed her to make her have the morals and empathy of a good person."
The Warrior Goddess whistled in appreciation. "That's definitely a curse in her case. I approve. Now what's the thing you're still trying to hide from me?"
I grimaced, knowing damn well that Bast wasn't a fragile snowflake incapable of handling anything bad happening to her. But the knowledge that her children were dead and her sister had a hand in it…?
"I think Sehkmet was involved in the incident with the Infant Dragon… Not Monsterphilia."
Bast dropped what she was holding, and it clattered on the ground. "How sure are you?"
I remembered the undeniable guilt and shame on her face when I questioned her. "Absolutely. I didn't ask to what degree."
"You were going to kill her on my behalf?" She asked curiously, a vague something in her voice that I didn't recognize.
"Of course." She hummed again, before walking over to the staircase upstairs and stopping on the first step.
"Do you have anything planned tomorrow?" Something about the way she's talking is causing my hindbrain to itch.
"Uh, I'm meeting with a Supporter to see about partying up." She hummed again, and now it felt like something was trailing down my spine.
"Selah, the day after tomorrow you are coming to my bedroom, and we aren't stopping until I've personally ensured neither of us will be walking for the next week."
Oh.
She… threatened? Promise? I'm going to go with scaroused before walking up the staircase, hips just slightly swaying and her tail curling along her waist as she went.
200 points banked.
Lore - Mark of Tzeentch - Warhammer Fantasy: Warriors of Chaos (Free)
[Mark of Tzeentch] Either on your body or permanently upon your soul, Tzeentch leaves a mark of his claim on your service. The Mark of Tzeentch causes your intellect to swell massively, and you'll find that even the most difficult mental tasks are child's play to you. You can easily translate languages that are completely new to you with even a small amount of information on the language itself, and information that would threaten the sanity of a stern mind is easily accepted by you as a simple truth, nothing more. Lastly, you have the basic capacity to utilize the Winds of Magic, and you are a decent sorcerer currently.
Suddenly my mind went into overdrive, rapidly shifting and adapting to a complete overhaul of mental capacity. Languages I'd half-heartedly studied or listened to suddenly became fluent and comprehensible. Mental calculations previously used for my spells were suddenly so easy a baby could do it!
I immediately dedicated every bit of intelligence to engraving the sight of the soft tail sliding over the tightly-clad cheeks that made up that literally divine ass. Because my priorities wouldn't change over becoming a verifiable genius, obviously.
Even if I became the smartest man in the world, booty would still be my first and foremost priority, especially in these circumstances.
"Give me your hand." I was shocked out of my arousal/intelligence based stupor, and I quickly turned to see Anubis with an expression of utter fury on her face. Easily doing what the Goddess of the Dead asked me to, she took my hand and glared deep into my very soul.
"I called dibs. Back off." I blinked, completely incapable of understanding what in the fuck she just said, and before I could ask she nodded to herself and let go. "Good. Now, put your fear boner away and come to bed."
She immediately grabbed my wrist and all but dragged me upstairs while my mind trembled at the sheer fuckery that had occurred in the last 45 seconds.
Guess this is what happens when you sleep with goddesses…
Wait. Am I the dense anime protagonist now?
Sitting across from me in a private booth Minerva had set aside for us (after whining for about five minutes for having to do her job), was one Liliruca… I don't know her last name.
And asking her would probably set her down the whole 'all adventurers are trash, they should kill themselves now' and I'm too busy imagining exactly how I'm going to plow Bast to deal with her shit.
Fuck it, Lily it is.
…No, Lili. With an I. For personal reasons. And also correct reasons.
"So, Lils, you still want to party up with me?" I asked, and could just barely imagine the slight narrowing of her eyes as I asked the obvious question, only for her expression to clear and for her to nod cheerily.
"Yes, Mister Adventurer!" I hissed in discomfort at the overabundance of respect and submission in her tone, giving her a once over as I considered whether I was willing to deal with that shit the entire time.
… Yes I was, because Lili was the character that I liked the most- from what I remembered of the show at least. Guess woobies have been my weakness for a long time, eh?
Also she might fucking die if I leave her on her own, and considering I know that I can't just sit back and pretend it has nothing to do with me. But fuck is her 'Pick Me' act going to get on my fucking nerves.
"Alright, so if we're doing this I'll be perfectly clear on this. I'm currently exploring the eleventh and twelfth floors. Can you handle going down there with me, or will we need to spend some time on higher floors for a while?"
Lili paused at my words, which I expected, only for my expectations to immediately fall to the wayside by her next words. "I'd like to spend some time around the ninth floor. I believe my God will Update my Falna soon, so I'd appreciate the warm up." My guard automatically went up, as Lili shouldn't have easily accepted the handout or claimed she'd be able to get Updated.
Her Familia, beneath the God Soma, is structured in a way that those at the top of that shit hill decide who gets Updated and when. They hate her, for reasons I can barely guess other than being a Pallum/Woman or being weak, so they barely let her get Updates which therefore leave her even weaker.
Also, Lili never gives good advice that even hints at being at the expense of her marks/party members due to abuse or keeping her disguise up. So the fact she accepted so easily…
Fuck, I hate his political intrigue bullshit. Why can't I just kill monsters and fuck butts in peace? Is that so much to ask?
Having an entire internal monologue in the time it took me to finish nodding at her words was odd, but not enough to set off alarm bells in my head. Despite the setting being Warhammer adjacent… I think? Is Warhammer 40K and Warhammer Fantasy the same franchise?
I assume so, but it's not like other franchises aren't allowed to have Warhammer in the title, so…
"That works for me, considering with you around I can spend more time fighting monsters and collecting mana crystals." I looked at her, crossing my arms in front of me. "Alright, with that out of the way, it's time for the most important part. Payment."
Lili slightly slumped over, already resigning herself to accept what scraps she'd get- while probably trying to rob me at the same time. As for me, I quickly used the increased mental capacity to figure out a pay division that wouldn't fuck me over too quickly.
But then I quickly realized several things. Fuck mindlessly following canon, and I was going to get a metric fuckton more money with a Supporter than I would without any aid.
Mainly for one reason- I can only carry so many bags of mana crystals with me while I'm fighting, so when I go through the Dungeon I end up leaving behind corpses or straight up throwing out the cheaper ones.
And, while Lili would definitely slow down my work through her travel speed in comparison to mine, my valis gained per hour spent in the Dungeon will still dramatically increase. Not to mention the increase in Excellia through having a possible traitor as my only ally, and one that'll actively slow me down.
Frankly, Lili was by and large the perfect party member for me through sheer monetary and Excellia gains.
So…
"We'll split it sixty-forty in my direction, but you get priority for monster drops. Anubis knows they'll never drop for me." I grumbled under my breath, having only recently learned of a so-called Jack Bird that will forever be out of my reach from now on.
Lili blinked at me for a moment, before smiling broadly and accepting the deal. "That sounds perfect, Mister Adventurer! Just remember that Lili is always open to changing it."
Alright, that's enough.
"Lili, I'm begging you to just call me Selah."
"Of course, Mister Selah!" Agh, my fucking soul hurts hearing that shit.
I sighed, before looking over at her. "And, considering we're going to be doing this for a while…" She nodded. "We'll need to sort some things out that I'd rather not get out to the public."
She gasped vapidly, immediately trying to sell me some 'I couldn't hurt a fly' bullshit. "Mister Selah, Lili'd never-"
"Lili, let's cut the bullshit. You don't trust me, and I don't trust you." My words cut through whatever act she was trying to pull, and she paused. "That's fine, nothing builds trust and friendship like fighting monsters back to back. But until then, it'd be safer for both of us to be certain we won't fuck each other over the moment it becomes profitable. Can you agree to that?"
Lili stayed frozen for a moment as my complete disregard for the dance around the topic we were both sharing, and I could almost feel her weighing my worth versus my asking price, before she realized her act wouldn't work if she acted as anything other than desperate and spineless.
Moron.
"... Lili agrees. What can Lili do to ensure Mister Selah trusts her?" Every time hurts my soul, its so fucking weird.
"We'll make a pact, here and now." I told her with a grin, uncaring if my ability to make magic contracts got out. After all, you can't make me use the spell, and it would only work on deals I agree to.
Worst case scenario, some of my potential assassination methods get found out. Not an issue.
"... what?"
"Ah, magic contract that'll fuck up the person who goes against it."
300 points banked.
Magitek - Doll Maker of Bucuresti - Touhou Project: Parasol Paradise (200 points)
Roll Success! Purchased! 100 points remaining.
[Doll Maker of Bucuresti]Being an indisputable genius in terms of mathematics and science in a realm ruled by magic tends to undermine just how impressive it is. Your ability with technology and engineering is so great that you are able to adapt to handling, repairing, modifying and even reverse-engineering completely foreign devices you have little to no background on. Your connection with both practical technology along with magic allows for you to eventually unlock the secrets to creating magitech if given enough time to experiment.
… Oh that's a migraine- why the fuck do I keep getting shit that makes me smarter recently? Is the Grimoire trying to call me stupid?
… Wait. Reverse engineering?
The power of the newly formed intelligence in my head made everything extremely clear.
I live in a world where mana crystals are used as fuel for everything.
I have access to a bunch of technology, and my career is based on 'mining' the fuel source on a daily basis. So… I technically have access to the most difficult to obtain materials for beginning to develop magitech.
Except for the, y'know, actual technology. But both it and the Mark of Tzeentch fill me with knowledge and the ability to use it to obtain what it is I desire.
I may just cause a technological revolution… and according to Anubis and Bast, High Excellia is received by any achievement being recognized by the Gods. Not just combat, though that tend to be easier.
So I could invent, like, a magic car and get a free level up. May not work again.
… Kinda disappointed, I wanted to steal a book series and become the de-facto greatest author in Orario. But, no reason I can't do both.
"... How does it work?" Oh right, deal making.
"Ah, easy, I say what I want and you tell me what you want in exchange. If we agree, magic lights go off and we can't break the terms without turning our souls into pudding. Or something to that effect." Fun fact, Binding Vows and Pacts straight up refuse to tell you what happens if you fuck up the deal. Like, it's straight up impossible to predict due to the fact no one makes a deal expecting to back out of it.
Lili, clearly not believing me, goes along with my nonsense with a cheerful nod.
This poor sap.
While I was busy memorizing the exact moment a catgirl's tail rubbed over her ass with my enhanced brain power, I hadn't noticed the part of Tzeentch's Mark that was of utmost significance.
It gave me access to the Winds of Magic, which meant Magister Lord was finally going to shine. Though despite being slightly obvious, I reveled in the sight of the Purple Wind as Liliruca and I wandered the Dungeon.
Shyish, despite seeming just like most Death Magics, was starkly different. It dealt with decay and endings more specifically. Essentially, it was just a more nihilistic Time Magic, that only sped things up until it died- and also interacted with ghosts and other spirits. It, also, fucking hates anything that tries to prolong itself beyond Death.
Especially Necromancy. There are multiple branches of spells specifically to make the Undead regret trying to escape their timely demise.
I mindlessly stabbed at a few goblins as we walked, making sure to leave a few to Lili and her wrist-mounted crossbow, as we ventured.
Anyway, as I was now able to perceive the Purple Wind, I was now intimately aware of what it was and what came along with it. I hadn't noticed the magic in the air when I first received it because I was surrounded by immortals, who didn't even bother to age past their prime unless it was for some fetish or whatnot.
The Wind only flowed from things that decayed or places where people died, so in a bustling city filled with Blessed Mortals, you'd think there'd be a lot less.
But… the second I went outside this morning, I could tell that a large amount of people had died. Recently too, and none of the Wind originated from the Dungeon.
People were dying in Orario en mass, and it seemed like no one had noticed.
My sword find its place in an Ant's skull as I ran, alongside Lili, absently firing a Handcannon into the crowd of monsters chasing after us. "Okay, we're going to be working on your aim after this."
"I-!" The Pallum stared heatedly, before remembering her simpering act that she was supposed to be using. "Yes, Mister Selah." Just for that we're taking a detour into another horde of ants.
Anyway, where was I? Right, a war was going on in the shadows of Orario, and considering I'd heard nothing of this before I'm going out on a limb and assuming it's somehow my fault.
The new, big brain activity going on was making my contemplation much faster, so it became obvious to me how this all could have gone down. I gave a raging, egotistical maniac a reality check and a fully-functioning set of morals that forced her to regret the decisions she's made and feel empathy for once in her life.
Now when a normal person realizes their faults and the harm they've inflicted on people, they do what they can to earn forgiveness and right their wrongs. Which is usually just, like, apologizing and giving someone something or helping them by undoing the actual offense- in extremely general terms.
Now, when the leader of an organization of brainwashed assassins realizes their faults of murdering innocents and saying they were saving the worlds, how would they 'right their wrongs'?
A normal person would take down the organization, leak the information of all the people who ordered those hits, and maybe throw themselves in jail for their crimes.
A normal person doesn't start a fucking Assassin's Creed. So, obviously, in the logic of a moral egotistical maniac the best way to right their wrongs is to target their prior customers and other scum and murder them until they 'save the world'.
That way, they don't have to admit any fault, and they suddenly aren't a liar anymore.
So, naturally, Sekhmet started a war among Orario's criminal underground to avoid admitting to being wrong to her cult or the law.
Because having morals doesn't make someone not a complete jackass, apparently.
Removing my blade from the stomach of one of those… weird frog things, I turned to the visibly exhausted Pallum, sweat flowing freely down from the hair plastered to her scalp. "Yo, Lili, you want to break for water?"
"Please…" She begged, practically sagging beneath her own exhaustion. I rolled my eyes before waving my hand, and a purple circle was drawn around us in an instant. Lili looked at me with suspicion disguised as curiosity, and I shrugged.
"Just made a barrier, and monsters aren't dead but technically aren't alive so they can't pass through." In terms of Shyish magic, if it doesn't have a soul it's not alive. And monsters don't have souls- they're more sentient white blood cells than anything, considering the constant respawning and built-in hatred to intruders and such.
"So it only affects… inanimate objects?" She asked, opening her gargantuan bag filled with everything she could possibly need, except a better Familia- wow that was uncalled for. Double the mental capacity, double the intrusive thoughts apparently.
"N- well, only if they're wielded by Undead." She looked at me, uncomprehending. "Y'know, zombies, ghosts-"
"I know what Undead are. Are you saying Monsters as a whole are technically undead?" I immediately shook my head. "Wha- then why are you using the barrier?"
"A fucking bastard once theorized that every technique views the world through a different lens. This spell's ability to block out monsters is more coincidental due to its own definition of Undead- being things that either self-resurrect, have died and came back, or are biological golems."
Lili gave a questioning look at golems, and I continued. "In the most barebones definition, the monsters in the Dungeon are Golems- they are artificially created unless there's a constant monster orgy on the bottom floor-" She gagged at the thought, though she'd already taken a gulp of her water. "- and considering the magic rock that, when removed or destroyed, they spontaneously stop existing… y'see where I'm going with this?"
"... They aren't alive, because they need a magic rock to maintain their forms?" I blinked.
"Exactly- that was way smarter than the word vomit I just threw at you." I stopped, and considered something. "Lili, do you know any magic?"
"No I-" Her eyes widened in surprise as she suddenly caught herself out of her act. "L-Lili doesn't know any magic." I gave her a dry look, but she committed to the bit.
"Lili, do you want to become Fuck You Rich?"
"Mister Selah, Lili would be satisfied working-"
"Lili, do you want to make the world regret everything it's done to you? Make it so everything has to abide by your rules?" Her jaw clamped shut. "Liliruca, do you want the power to tear this place apart and live how you want?"
Her eyes burned with a toxic maelstrom of negative emotions that warmed my sadistic heart to see.
200 points banked.
Roll Failed.
I didn't give a shit about the roll I failed, because at this very moment I turned the most hateful person in Orario and turned her into my personal apprentice.
Well, she'd be a personal apprentice after I talk to Soma.
A/N: Well, that took a while.
Sorry for the gap between updates, I was busy getting settled back home. And selling out, but mostly the first thing.
[ Balls of Paint - All] Seven colored balls of solid paint: yellow, blue, purple, green, pink, red, and white. Each ball magically embodies its respective color, and could feasibly be tapped on for various spells with enough experimentation; generally, yellow symbolizes wind (and lightning), blue represents water, purple stands for general, non-elemental magic, green embodies earth and plants, pink symbolizes love and healing-oriented magic, red represents fire, and white embodies holy magic. Each ball costs 100 CP, but you can pay 300 CP for all seven. When the seven are put in the same place, they combine into a physical rainbow that you can walk across over any gap. The seven balls could also manifest as a rainbow attack that embodies all seven elements.
SI: I have no idea what this is, but NOOO MY SPELL VARIETY! I could've used it to get a bunch of fucking magic- hell, I just got a minion to carry those shits for me! This shit is fucking rigged.
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