Chapter 34:
"It's hard to believe she's so big," murmured Baba Yaga. "Last time I saw her, she was inside your belly." Glancing up from the terminal she was working at, Nadia gave her neighbor/frenemy a smile. She loved her little Tatiana. The child was growing like a weed, and it was clear she was going to be tall and most beautiful.
Glancing at her cornflower-blue eyes, the witch queried, "no wires?" Mildly, Nadia responded, "da. No-one gets implants before the age of ten. It's not healthy. She has a while to go yet."
Done with her preparations, the tall cyborg slipped the glove from her hand and rested her palm against the scanner. "Not plugging in," asked Betty? "Old tech," Nadia replied. "We hadn't perfected our security measures back then, and we wanted to keep people out of these archives."
As she spoke, the door slowly cycled open, grinding on dirt and grit in the mechanism. Judging from the sounds and scents, the Gridface People rarely, if ever, came into this space.
For Betty Groff-Mertens it was a poignant reminder of the world she'd come from. Her world had been bombed into oblivion, a fate she'd escaped only because of the Crown of Ice. If it hadn't driven Simon temporarily mad, she'd never have fled their apartment. If not for that, she and Simon might've been caught in the hellstorm that burned up Scandinavia.
With a jerk of her head, Nadia indicated that they should follow her. Picking up her child, the tall cyborg walked through the doors and into the darkness beyond. "In for a ruble," Talia chuckled, as she set out after the gigolo's cyborg fucktoy. Katsumi was close behind, with Betty bringing up the rear.
"Moscow, Minsk, Kiev," rumbled Nadia, "they were all burned away. A lot of stuff got wiped out, but there were some archives in Volgograd and Rostov ne Donu. When the arks left, my ancestors started rounding up things from other nations."
Glancing at Betty, the cyborg sighed, "we didn't always ask..." "You were saving things that they might not have valued anyway, tovarisch," Baba Yaga murmured, as she strolled past.
Her eyes flicked this way and that. Impulsively, Betty asked, "w-what're we searching for? Exactly?"
"Construction records, Betty," Katsumi responded. "The west was free, but it was sloppy about its history. Dictatorships like order. Everything must be recorded, even bribes."
Warming to the topic, the kitsune remarked, "the bunker where Dead-Hand resides was built by someone. It was maintained by someone. Materials were bought somewhere and shipped somewhere by someone."
Betty's eyes flicked to the vast shelves in that space, her brown eyes saying everything. The task was impossible! There was just too much to search.
As if she could read Betty's mind, Baba Yaga mildly declared, "we're wizards. Nothing is beyond our wishes..." Katsumi chuckled. That was the catch-phrase from one of Talia's most iconic roles. Knowing Betty had been one of Talia's biggest fans made that quip laugh-out-loud funny.
More to the point, it had Katsumi thinking. "Did you ever," she started to say? "Once or twice," Talia responded. "Usually, when we'd done too many retakes, and I wanted to go home and soak my feet. You?"
"Didn't have any real powers," Kat admitted. "I could maybe light a candle. As a kitsune, you have to either give up your soul or do some deals with unsavory characters to get more..."
"Your organ is smaller than hers," Nadia remarked. All three witch-women's faces whipped around towards the cyborg, who was studiously snuggling with her little girl.
"What did you see," growled Katsumi? Glancing up, the cyborg said, "there's a spot inside your skull... deep down near the cortex. It lights up when you're manipulating zero-point energy. You wouldn't even notice it on a CT scan on the average person." Nodding at Katsumi and Betty in turn, she added, "it's why you have to have outside assistance and she uses an amplifier tool..."
Nodding at Baba Yaga, the cyborg remarked, "it's... it's about the size of a hummingbird egg. It's very entwined with your central nervous system. If anything were to happen to it, I think it would kill you."
Blowing out a breath, Nadia Ivanova regretfully remarked, "mine was removed as useless tissue when I was fourteen and replaced with electronics..." Baba Yaga burst into laughter.
Resting a hand on Nadia's shoulder, Betty reminded her, "you'd have chemical imbalances in your brain and mental health challenges..." Nadia's expression suggested she wouldn't have minded giving it a try just the same.
Moving on, Baba Yaga walked to the middle of the space and closed her eyes. Nadia could see her gathering energy—and something else.
She'd long known about spirits. It was something of a forbidden topic with her people. Though they could see deep into the infrared and ultraviolet—permitting them to see things that others had long surmised existed, it was quite another matter for those things to look back. Nadia had once even caught what she suspected might have been her grand-uncle watching her in an unguarded moment.
Still, having forsaken the trappings of raw emotion, the cyborg race had pushed that world away. Mostly, Nadia was fine with it. Interacting with the dead was a terrible way to process grief. Her mother had likened it to hanging out with a boyfriend you'd broken up with.
"What we seek is here," declared Baba Yaga. "It's in the section with the oldest materials... that way."
While the four ladies dug into the archives, searching for an ugly secret forgotten by time, Tasha Stanek bore witness to a carnival of the absurd. She'd been stuck like glue to the slender ex-model almost since she'd come onto the island. She and Lollipop Mertens had quite a bit in common as trophy-wives to powerful men.
Truth? She didn't have anything against the strange mutant. Her benefactor had been kind enough to find her space in a hotel here, even having the room decorated in advance of other priorities. And all of that was before Lollipop had agreed to let her essentially move into the palace.
There was one fly in the ointment, though. The more Tasha had seen of the fabulous life inside the palace on King's Island, the more she'd craved it for herself.
She was intensely jealous of everything that Lollipop had, from her home to her man. Mortimer had been a fat old man when they'd married, and he'd gotten no better with age, while Lollipop's husband was a hunk.
News that the slim candy-person had access to a mysterious secret that literally made her immortal had made Tasha even more intensely jealous of her. She'd tried in vain to pry the secret from Lollipop's lips. Ironically, that was the one bit of knowledge that the strange woman was loath to share.
"Gather 'round, kids," Lollipop burbled! "We have a special treat today!" Toggling a control, she fired up the holographic projector and an image sprang to life before them. A chorus of 'daddy!' went up in that space, accompanied by wild cheers that left Tasha Stanek staring in abject puzzlement.
"Hey, guys," Finn announced. "Wanna' have story-time?" Another wild chorus of cheering went up.
The big man was dressed down today. Gone was the suit and tie in favor of a plain blue tee-shirt and blue-jeans. His unruly blonde hair was the sort of unkempt that said he'd already had quite the day. Of course, he was seven hours in the future.
She'd had trouble getting used to that, having twice called her daughter while Tania was sleeping. However, seeing was believing. The King of Ooo looked tired.
As Tasha watched, the King of Ooo read to the little darlings gathered around that projector, while Lollipop rushed around, refilling sippy-cups and dispensing snacks. For two people who held such power, it seemed absurd.
Tasha had given the job of looking after her infant children to the au-pair. She hadn't really paid much attention to any of them until they were ready to attend school for the first time.
The business went on for well over two hours, with His Majesty reading story after story and doing his best to interact with the annoying little rugrats. Bored, Tasha checked out about halfway through, becoming invested in first her nails, then the terminal in the corner that let her view the King's Island computer network.
By the time New York's evil first-lady looked up, her host was cleaning up sippy-cups, while a flock of caretakers and maids herded the 'little darlings' back to their space. His Majesty the King was gone, the terminal dark, and Lollipop looked more tired than usual.
"I don't understand why you do that," Tasha blurted. "You lived your life in a democracy, dear," Lollipop responded. "One of those kids may get asked to take over for Finn someday. We'd liked to be sure he or she isn't an emotional mess."
Tasha couldn't help a smile of amusement at the idea that New York was a democracy, though she said nothing about that assertion. Instead, she remarked, "you look exhausted." "The fun of being a parent, dear," Lollipop retorted. "Yours are grown. Mine have a fair bit to go."
Straightening, the slim ex-model opined, "kids need structure, but they need love too. We're trying to give them both. The servants provide a lot of the structure according to Finn's instructions. They consult with him, when there's a question. In exchange, we get to be the ones loving on them. We make the best of our circumstances."
Dropping the last sippy-cup into a tub to be washed, the King's Seneschal said, "let's go out. We've been indoors a bit too much. Fionna's supposed to be raising nodes for the Tesla Barrier. We can tag along and get some fresh air."
Meanwhile, on the far side of the ocean, two curvy figures soared across the strange, shimmering sky of Wizard City. The Sky Witch and Ice Queen had spent the day buried in the library, digging through old records and dusty tomes before finally emerging a little dusty, tired, and a bit cranky.
A trip to a spa was just the thing for two tired women, and Simone had arm-twisted Maja into coming along with her instead of heading straight home to the train-station outside the barrier. Swooping down into the courtyard of Mandy's, the Ice Queen announced, "spots for two. My secretary called ahead."
"Of course, of course, Your Excellency," the attendant responded. "Right this way..." With no further word, the wizard-robed lizard turned and strode towards the door. Heels click-clacking on the flooring, Simone and Maja set off after them.
Simone couldn't really help but notice the way her guest stared around her. "Been a minute," she asked? The Sky Witch flushed.
"Finn used to pay for Emeraude and I to go twice a year on her birthday and mine," Simone remarked. "He'd take the kids out to a movie, cook dinner, cleanup the house... the whole nine yards."
"Don't rub it in," Maja muttered. "Hardly rubbing it in," Simone retorted. "This is your new world. This is what it feels like to not be alone. You're my guest. Relax. Enjoy yourself for a change."
The attendant led them to a beautiful changing room, done in marble, with hardwood benches and lockers. Shedding the sweaty, dirty dress she'd been wearing, the tall woman hucked it into the hamper to be washed, chasing it with bra, panties, stockings, and garters. Maja was a little behind, and by the time she was done, Simone had already donned a robe and slippers.
Slipping on a robe, Maja joined her, as the Ice Queen crossed the room. "Doesn't this bother you," the Sky Witch asked? "I..." "Half the fun of going to the spa is taking friends, Maja," Simone interrupted. "No," the witch responded, "I meant the heat..." "The entity and I have an agreement," Simone responded.
The Ice Queen led the way into the steam bath. Slipping into the waters, Simone sighed, "aaah..." After a moment, Maja joined her. Almost before she'd sat herself, a golem rushed up with a platter holding glasses of champagne.
"So," asked Simone, "what're you working on?" Maja's face snapped up. "You've been studying Fionna," Simone remarked. "You looking at the Crystal Fiend curse or..."
"As you've guessed, I was examining the Quicksilver Curse," Maja retorted. "You know my reasons."
With a smile, Simone said, "there's no need to be defensive, dear." The Sky Witch's expression challenged that.
"Let you in on a secret," Simone chuckled, "the rest of us moved on from enmity a long time ago." "We're women," Maja retorted, which was to say women always fought, especially where a man was involved.
"Oh, so you do accept you're a girl," Simone giggled. The witch's face went red hot, and her jaw set into a line that told that she was getting irritated.
"Do you want to stay alone," Simone asked? "Really? Are you going to let your pride keep you isolated?"
The witch's mouth opened and then closed without a word being uttered. "I'm not going anywhere, Maja," Simone sighed. "Much as I might wish it was otherwise, I'm immortal. Tell me why we should be at odds? Why can't I own you as my friend?"
The witch gave vent to a long, heavy-hearted sigh. "You're afraid that one of us is going to stab you in the back," Simone murmured. "That's... It's kind of the point of this. There's not a one of us who doesn't fear that..."
Maja's face whipped around. "We all would rather have Finn to ourselves," Simone remarked. "It's..." "...never going to happen," Maja sighed. "Not at this rate. I'm... I've acted like that idiot..." "Rosie learned her lesson," Simone chuckled. "Cut her a little slack."
Blowing out a breath, Maja muttered, "it's not like I'd want him the way he was. I like this him better..." "It's the version you've always known," Simone chuckled.
After a half-hour spent soaking away the aches, the pair found themselves laying on their bellies in the massage room, with a pair of golems working their magic. "Ooooh," moaned Maja. "That's so good..." "Right," Simone agreed?! "Mom turned me on to this place."
As they lay there on their bellies getting the remaining kinks worked out, Simone talked of their researches in the library. Blissed-out from getting her first rub-down in a century, Maja was hardly paying attention. By the time the golems were finished, the Sky Witch was sound asleep, and it took Simone two tries to wake her.
Dressed in fluffy white robes, the pair strolled into the nail salon. When they'd sat themselves at adjoining tables, golems rushed in to begin giving them the works.
When their pedicures were underway, Simone non-chalantly suggested, "it wouldn't take much to get you registered... You wouldn't need a pass to come and go..."
The Sky Witch gave her a harumph. "I can't always be around...," Simone remarked. "No thanks," Maja retorted.
Simone turned a frown on her companion. Resting her face on the heel of her hand, Maja burbled, "why do you think I refused to register all those years, Simone? This place is a mess. My OCD would've driven me straight up the wall."
The tall woman felt her face go warm. This wasn't going the way she'd hoped. She was angling to get Maja to be a more regular contributor to the family position. More to the point, she needed help wrangling the wreck that was Wizard City into something useful.
Seeming to guess what she was thinking, Maja sighed, "Simone... you know I can't be what you want me to be. I'm... I'm too steeped in what I am and set in my ways. I can't help you fix this. I'm happy to work a project or two... Something directed. Something needed. I'm committed to putting in work because... well, you know my reasons."
Her goals were aligned with theirs at a high level, but she was an admitted and avowed agent of chaos, and she'd never made any pretense otherwise.
"We can't do this alone," Simone insisted, "not just you, me, momma, and our kids... We... We need these idiots actually pulling their weight instead of raising hell..."
Leaning forward, the older woman said, "there's one more lesson Finn can teach you, babe."
Simone's mouth shut with a click. Nodding, the Sky Witch asked her, "what does Finn do when he sees endemic dysfunction?"
The Ice Queen blushed to her hair. Finn wasn't shy about blowing up things he saw as obstacles to progress. She remembered his story about finding the Cyclops who's tears could heal the sick. It had seemed as though everybody in creation wanted to stand on the sidelines that day and tell him that there was no way for him to reach his goal.
"I... can't fix Wizard City," she murmured. Taking the Ice Queen's hands in hers, the Sky Witch said, "if your momma hadn't tried to wrangle him into taking on this fool's errand, your father would've told you the same, Simone. This can't be fixed. The people of Wizard City have no vested interest in change."
Glancing up, Simone murmured, "if I do this..." "I'd back you," Maja replied. "We're... friends. I back those I value."
Sitting back in her chair, the Sky Witch said, "let's finish our spa session. I'm having a pretty good time here." So saying, she put out her hands for her manicure.
Back in the west, a bored Tasha Stanek strolled along in the wake of the King's strange daughter. Though she'd pressed both of her sons about the idea of seducing this woman, neither had been interested. It was mad on the surface. The girl was pretty enough and still very young.
Nearby, Prince William sparred with a wooden sword with his half-brother, Van. Tasha and her son had figuratively sparred with the King's bastard son. The little bastard was far more suspicious than a child ought to be.
"What will you do with all of them," Tasha asked? Though the question was impulsive and potentially dangerous, Tasha had troubles with impulse controls.
"Not sure I understand," Lollipop responded. "You... you have dozens of children amongst you," Tasha reminded her. "What'll you do with them all?"
In tones that spoke of her puzzlement, Lollipop replied, "still don't know what you mean. What would I do with their lives?"
She was forever making such pronouncements as if it was natural as breathing, when Tasha's sons had gotten into an ugly confrontation over who was going to 'run' for Mayor, when their father stepped down. It wasn't unheard of for families to hold the Mayor's office for decades, passing it from one to another.
"Ambitious children...," Tasha started to say. "That's why we give them love and attention, Tasha," Lollipop interrupted. "You were wondering why it was so important for Finn to do story-time with the kids. We all do it. We want them to understand that we love them. A child who knows his parents' love and discipline won't often go wrong."
Just then, Fionna shouted, "hey, Van! You wanna' see some magic, right?!" The little boy looked up from what he was doing, his expression showing he was truly torn. He'd been clearly enjoying himself with his brother.
Tousling his hair, William said, "go on." No sooner had the words left his mouth, than the young boy was rushing towards his big sister, who had now sat herself on the ground.
Said she, "take my hand..." Uncertainly, Van Mertens took his sister's hand. "Think happy thoughts," Fionna insisted. "It helps me..."
Van glanced back over his shoulder at Lollipop, who waved at him. "Ooh," Fionna giggled. "I feel that."
There came a rumbling beneath their feet. Then, to Tasha's lasting shock, a giant column of glittering stone shot out of the earth before them.
"How does she do that," Tasha burbled. "The Crystal Fiend Curse," Lollipop sighed. It was the first trace of sadness that Tasha had seen from her host, in spite of this week's grueling schedule.
"Like her father, Fi's afflicted by the Quicksilver Curse," said Lollipop. "It's supposed to kill the original victim and two generations of his descendants." Jabbing her in the shoulder, Tasha responded, "curses aren't real!"
With a bitter chuckle, Lollipop responded, "they're very real, Tasha. Magic... Nadia and Bonnie tried to explain the science once... something about energy fields and zero points and suchlike. I only know that the Curse nearly killed Finn twice and put Fi in the hospital in critical care. Pat, her hubby, used a crystal from the kingdom of fiends under the grasslands to save her life. Unfortunately, that now means Fi has the Crystal Fiend Curse. If she's not careful... if she lets her concentration slip... she'll... she'll turn into a crystal statue, and we'll lose her forever."
Nodding at the stone pillar, the slim candy-person declared, "that... that's just a side-effect." Tasha goggled.
The business went for hours across the day, with only a brief stop for food. The little boy bounced back and forth between his sister and brother in the energetic way only a young child could manage. Finn's mutant son was no different than Prince William and Princess Fionna in most ways.
Finally, near evening, Fionna called a halt to the business, declaring that she'd gotten as far as she could today. Packing up all they'd brought, the group headed for the vehicles that had brought them.
In spite of all the running around and sword-training he'd done that day, little Van still excitedly bounced from one sibling to another, giggling, asking questions, and getting under foot in the way a young child does. Though Tasha would have slapped him by now, Lollipop let him carry on.
A glance to her right showed her host wearing an uncharacteristic smile of bemusement on her pretty face. Dressed down in sun-dress and hiking boots, Lollipop looked almost carefree, as she watched her stepsons cavort. The change was a bit of a shock to Tasha, who was used to the harried woman who always seemed to have somewhere to be.
As they approached the trucks, with their horde of bodyguards, Tasha asked, "what would you do if your husband lost all of this?" The candy-mutant gave her a puzzled look.
Clarifying, Tasha asked, "what if the King was no longer King? Would you miss this?" Lollipop chuckled, "I'd live a quiet life with him, just as we'd always wanted."
Tasha couldn't help the look of abject puzzlement that blossomed on her face. "You're laboring under a false assumption," Lollipop chuckled.
"Oh," Tasha retorted. With a bemused smile, Lollipop remarked, "you think that Finn went around fighting to take power from people and seduced his way around the world. The reality is a little more esoteric."
"Do tell," Tasha responded.
"Decades ago," Lollipop explained, "Finn's father, the outlaw, Martin, returned to Ooo, hoping to locate the Devourer. Martin planned to attach a control device to the monster and then release it from within the planet. Let's just say none of us would've survived."
Smiling in memory, Lollipop continued, "Martin brought an alien battleship with loads of firepower. He had hundreds of alien allies. He fought Princess Bubblegum's guardian robots, though it cost him a lot of his men. When he kidnaped Princess Bubblegum, Finn hunted him down and, with the help of the Fire King, smashed Martin's ship, then chased him into the wilderness. Finn killed those creatures one by one, and when he confronted Martin, he beat him half to death before cutting off his head."
Glancing up at Tasha, the tall woman declared, "then he married Simone and Emeraude, retired to his home, and did his best to live a normal life."
Her chocolate-brown eyes burned into Tasha's, as she remarked, "Finn doesn't want or need power, though he could have his fill. When you look at his children, you look at his resolve... to make the world peaceful—to keep evil at bay. Understand that anybody who threatens that peace... he'll destroy."
In tones that were no longer so merry, Lollipop sighed, "there's no scenario where Finn is no longer King of Ooo, Tasha, because none of the candidates have the interests of normal people in their hearts. He'll sit that throne until the end of his life. Glob willing, he'll pass it on to someone who holds the same resolve."
The tall model's brown eyes burned into Tasha's, as she declared, "I'd gladly give up this life. I'd rather spend my time with my babies, but that hope died when Finn had the crown shoved into his hands by a pack of desperate princesses."
The mood grew dark in that moment, with Tasha wondering if this woman had any idea what was going on under her very nose. As the Mayor's wife pondered a way to change the subject, Lollipop's face suddenly brightened, as if she'd been having a laugh at Tasha's expense. Said the tall mutant, "I told them to make dessert for us, while we were out. We'll have ice-cream, when we get back..."
Tasha relaxed. She wasn't sure what that had been all about, but it appeared the dangerous moment was over.
The humans are reaching the maximum of Fuck Around and will soon Find Out, while Simone and Maja conspire to... change Wizard City forever. We're headed for the end of this particular story. :)